special guest, Santa Berroa Jones, sharing her powerful testimony of overcoming sexual abuse and physical abuse—a story of healing, deliverance, and victory through Christ! 🙌🏾✨
This episode is going to be LIFE-CHANGING! If you or someone you know needs encouragement and breakthrough, this is the moment to tune in!
00:00:02 --> 00:00:04 welcome welcome welcome to the birthing
00:00:04 --> 00:00:08 Room everybody all the midwives and
00:00:08 --> 00:00:09 lovely people birthing in this season
00:00:09 --> 00:00:12 welcome to the birthday room this is not
00:00:12 --> 00:00:15 a regular scheduled program so this is
00:00:15 --> 00:00:20 our special edition uh for this week how
00:00:20 --> 00:00:22 about that right so I'm just coming to
00:00:22 --> 00:00:23 you on today I want to go ahead and get
00:00:23 --> 00:00:26 out our preliminaries because I have an
00:00:26 --> 00:00:28 amazing guest I'm so excited I want you
00:00:28 --> 00:00:30 all to grab your coffee grab your tea I
00:00:30 --> 00:00:32 am Dr Lina I'm the host of the birthing
00:00:32 --> 00:00:36 room so if you are watching live leave
00:00:36 --> 00:00:38 your comments we will read them we will
00:00:38 --> 00:00:41 answer we want you to engage today but
00:00:41 --> 00:00:44 those that will be listening later on
00:00:44 --> 00:00:46 all podcast our platforms leave your
00:00:46 --> 00:00:48 comments so we can come back and we can
00:00:48 --> 00:00:50 engage with you I want to First say
00:00:50 --> 00:00:52 thank you for tuning in to the birthing
00:00:52 --> 00:00:54 room don't forget that you can also
00:00:54 --> 00:00:57 listen to the audio version of this
00:00:57 --> 00:00:59 podcast on all major podcast platforms
00:00:59 --> 00:01:02 hosted by the hosted on the nbg podcast
00:01:02 --> 00:01:04 Network be sure to subscribe and never
00:01:04 --> 00:01:08 miss an episode so go subscribe to my
00:01:08 --> 00:01:10 channel I'm G to make sure I pop that in
00:01:10 --> 00:01:12 the comments so that you can go ahead
00:01:12 --> 00:01:14 and subscribe and we gonna come back and
00:01:14 --> 00:01:16 we gonna talk about our guest tonight
00:01:16 --> 00:01:18 and let her share her amazing her
00:01:18 --> 00:01:22 amazing testimony of Triumph okay but
00:01:22 --> 00:01:24 while we are uh waiting for you guys to
00:01:24 --> 00:01:25 get your coffee and get comfortable and
00:01:26 --> 00:01:28 share this broadcast I'm going to go
00:01:28 --> 00:01:36 ahead and put youall in the order
00:01:36 --> 00:01:38 all right great great great so I'm gonna
00:01:38 --> 00:01:41 go ahead and share Santa um and I'm sure
00:01:41 --> 00:01:43 you have the link by now so you can also
00:01:44 --> 00:01:46 share hey everybody you are watching
00:01:46 --> 00:01:47 live go ahead and put I'm watching I'm
00:01:47 --> 00:01:49 watching I'm watching I want you all to
00:01:50 --> 00:01:52 watch and be sharing on
00:01:52 --> 00:01:54 today let me go ahead and make sure I
00:01:54 --> 00:01:57 have everyone uh that follows
00:01:57 --> 00:02:00 me sharing
00:02:00 --> 00:02:04 look y'all can hear me hold
00:02:04 --> 00:02:08 on everyone can
00:02:08 --> 00:02:12 watch while we do
00:02:12 --> 00:02:14 this and I'm excited if you are in
00:02:14 --> 00:02:19 Delaware it is snowing here uh so you
00:02:19 --> 00:02:22 have nothing to do but to tune in to
00:02:22 --> 00:02:25 watch it's snowing y'all so I want y'all
00:02:25 --> 00:02:26 to tune
00:02:26 --> 00:02:31 in this my uh followers why is coming up
00:02:31 --> 00:02:34 okay I I'll share in a minute so nothing
00:02:34 --> 00:02:36 to do with t uh tune in so let me just
00:02:36 --> 00:02:39 tell y'all so today I have a a special
00:02:39 --> 00:02:41 guest and I had someone come on to my
00:02:42 --> 00:02:45 podcast a couple of weeks ago and um he
00:02:45 --> 00:02:47 was just raving about this woman he had
00:02:47 --> 00:02:49 met her amazing testimony and I was
00:02:49 --> 00:02:51 telling him about the birthing room
00:02:51 --> 00:02:53 conference that we have coming up and
00:02:53 --> 00:02:55 what it all inail he was like I know
00:02:55 --> 00:02:57 somebody she gave a great testimony so
00:02:57 --> 00:02:58 you know I don't never be believe when
00:02:58 --> 00:02:59 people be saying y'all because you got
00:03:00 --> 00:03:01 to go see it for yourself cuz what's
00:03:01 --> 00:03:02 good for the goose ain't good for the
00:03:02 --> 00:03:03 gander but I said oh you know what let
00:03:03 --> 00:03:06 me go and watch her podcast because I've
00:03:06 --> 00:03:08 really been wanting to connect anyway
00:03:08 --> 00:03:11 with other podcast and I went and I met
00:03:11 --> 00:03:14 this beautiful lady I met her via
00:03:14 --> 00:03:15 watching her right fell in love
00:03:15 --> 00:03:17 instantly by her
00:03:17 --> 00:03:20 testimony and we're having a conference
00:03:21 --> 00:03:23 in the month of July July 12 for the
00:03:23 --> 00:03:24 birthing room conference the battlefield
00:03:25 --> 00:03:26 of intercessors will be having this
00:03:26 --> 00:03:28 conference and this conference that the
00:03:28 --> 00:03:30 Lord has placed in my spirit is it's all
00:03:30 --> 00:03:32 about Sant I'm talking to you it's all
00:03:32 --> 00:03:36 about women overcoming sexual abuse
00:03:36 --> 00:03:40 physical abuse abandonment you know um
00:03:40 --> 00:03:41 the things that us women we struggle
00:03:41 --> 00:03:43 with and we have a hard time coming out
00:03:43 --> 00:03:46 of that keeps us from really birthing
00:03:46 --> 00:03:48 into our destiny this is what this is
00:03:48 --> 00:03:51 all about being able to birth into your
00:03:51 --> 00:03:53 destiny being able to recognize the
00:03:53 --> 00:03:55 things that have that you had to go
00:03:55 --> 00:03:57 through and not allowing it to really be
00:03:57 --> 00:03:59 a stronghold in your life so breaking
00:03:59 --> 00:04:01 all strongholds so when I saw your
00:04:01 --> 00:04:04 testimony I was like this is a woman
00:04:05 --> 00:04:07 that I need to have come and Minister
00:04:07 --> 00:04:10 from this place you know uh with her
00:04:10 --> 00:04:14 testimony to the people so I am excited
00:04:14 --> 00:04:16 today I'm G let you go ahead introduce
00:04:16 --> 00:04:17 yourself and I'm G sit here I got my
00:04:17 --> 00:04:21 coffee y'all got and get your tissues
00:04:21 --> 00:04:23 get your tissues today we gonna be here
00:04:23 --> 00:04:25 for a while all right go ahead Santa
00:04:25 --> 00:04:28 introduce yourself hello everyone
00:04:28 --> 00:04:31 welcome um thank you so much I
00:04:31 --> 00:04:34 appreciate you for having me um my name
00:04:34 --> 00:04:38 is Sansa Jones I am the host of the I am
00:04:38 --> 00:04:43 free podcast on YouTube I'm also an
00:04:43 --> 00:04:46 author um I published my first book my
00:04:46 --> 00:04:49 children's book um and I'm just a mother
00:04:49 --> 00:04:53 a wife a Mima and just a lover of the
00:04:53 --> 00:04:56 most high God and just so grateful to be
00:04:56 --> 00:04:59 here to even share my testimony with you
00:04:59 --> 00:05:03 all and again I'm just grateful to be
00:05:03 --> 00:05:06 here we happy to have you I'm excited to
00:05:06 --> 00:05:08 have you so let me tell you let's just
00:05:08 --> 00:05:10 jump right into it so I was watching
00:05:10 --> 00:05:12 your test you tell your testimony and
00:05:12 --> 00:05:15 your testimony was really about uh being
00:05:15 --> 00:05:17 a young child and being sexually
00:05:17 --> 00:05:20 assaulted and abused but not but that
00:05:20 --> 00:05:23 and that was a big deal I mean that kind
00:05:23 --> 00:05:25 of like sunk my stomach but I think even
00:05:25 --> 00:05:28 more in that that put me in a Chokehold
00:05:28 --> 00:05:30 was the relationship
00:05:30 --> 00:05:32 and with your the the person who was
00:05:32 --> 00:05:34 supposed to protect us right our mothers
00:05:34 --> 00:05:35 and how you had to go through this
00:05:35 --> 00:05:39 process of living and you said it with a
00:05:39 --> 00:05:41 mother that struggled with mental
00:05:41 --> 00:05:43 illness which may not have looked like
00:05:43 --> 00:05:45 that back then but now as an adult you G
00:05:45 --> 00:05:46 look back and say something must have
00:05:46 --> 00:05:48 been wrong right so come on and tell us
00:05:48 --> 00:05:51 about your testimony and about how you
00:05:51 --> 00:05:53 grew up in in your life and and how you
00:05:53 --> 00:05:55 had to overcome some things I know you
00:05:55 --> 00:05:56 you you went through this process and
00:05:56 --> 00:05:59 you told it already so eloquently and
00:05:59 --> 00:06:02 I'm not sure you can even tell it again
00:06:02 --> 00:06:05 but um I want to start here first yes I
00:06:05 --> 00:06:08 want to start here tell us about who you
00:06:08 --> 00:06:10 are today we always get tell us about
00:06:10 --> 00:06:12 who you are today your mother you got
00:06:12 --> 00:06:13 kids come on tell us about who you are
00:06:13 --> 00:06:17 today so I am um a mother of five
00:06:17 --> 00:06:22 awesome children and I'm so grateful um
00:06:22 --> 00:06:24 a grandmother of
00:06:24 --> 00:06:27 three and I've been married
00:06:27 --> 00:06:30 for 10 years
00:06:30 --> 00:06:32 and um we've known each other since I
00:06:33 --> 00:06:38 was 13 so oh my goodness um aligning us
00:06:38 --> 00:06:42 together and um sorry and
00:06:42 --> 00:06:44 um yeah and so just right now just the
00:06:45 --> 00:06:46 Lord has blessed me in the past year and
00:06:46 --> 00:06:49 a half to to write the two books that I
00:06:49 --> 00:06:53 wrote okay um that was just really a
00:06:53 --> 00:06:56 blessing and just knowing where I've
00:06:56 --> 00:06:58 come from and just to see where God has
00:06:58 --> 00:07:01 me at this point in time is just like
00:07:01 --> 00:07:04 only he could have done it mentally I
00:07:04 --> 00:07:06 just was not or
00:07:06 --> 00:07:09 emotionally right I just wasn't there
00:07:09 --> 00:07:11 to
00:07:11 --> 00:07:14 um have the Milestones that I've have
00:07:14 --> 00:07:18 had and past year and a half right some
00:07:18 --> 00:07:21 things people years but God has
00:07:21 --> 00:07:23 definitely blessed you know uh
00:07:23 --> 00:07:27 transformation to happen matter of you
00:07:27 --> 00:07:29 know a year and and some change you know
00:07:29 --> 00:07:31 so in a healthy place that you can even
00:07:31 --> 00:07:33 tell your story your
00:07:33 --> 00:07:38 testimony I'm so just healthy just um
00:07:38 --> 00:07:40 learn to love who I really
00:07:41 --> 00:07:45 am and what is happening in my life
00:07:45 --> 00:07:47 especially know when you reaching those
00:07:47 --> 00:07:50 40s You' be like wait a minute girl the
00:07:50 --> 00:07:53 WR the heat flashes we having the gray
00:07:53 --> 00:07:56 hair you be like oh shoot so is even
00:07:56 --> 00:07:58 learning to accept those things you know
00:07:58 --> 00:08:01 of just like life transforming because
00:08:01 --> 00:08:04 there was a time where I didn't ex I
00:08:04 --> 00:08:07 didn't like myself I hated what on the
00:08:07 --> 00:08:10 mirror so you know battling like what
00:08:10 --> 00:08:11 you used to hate and now you seeing this
00:08:11 --> 00:08:13 and the transformation in your 40s I'm
00:08:14 --> 00:08:18 like okay yes yes yes so you talked
00:08:18 --> 00:08:20 about when you were um because I know we
00:08:20 --> 00:08:23 see who you are today how successful you
00:08:23 --> 00:08:25 are you have children you have a husband
00:08:25 --> 00:08:27 and just the battle just to get here and
00:08:27 --> 00:08:29 as I listening to your story you were
00:08:29 --> 00:08:31 talking about even as as a child as
00:08:31 --> 00:08:32 early as you can remember your
00:08:32 --> 00:08:35 experience with who you thought was
00:08:35 --> 00:08:37 people who were supposed to speak life
00:08:37 --> 00:08:39 into you like Ministry and pastors so
00:08:39 --> 00:08:42 tell us about that story how you met uh
00:08:42 --> 00:08:44 uh uh who would have been someone who
00:08:44 --> 00:08:46 said they were a pastor now I want y'all
00:08:46 --> 00:08:48 to be keep this in mind he was not a
00:08:48 --> 00:08:50 pastor okay let's just say that he was
00:08:50 --> 00:08:55 not a man of God yes no um so for for my
00:08:55 --> 00:08:56 life let's just go back a little bit
00:08:56 --> 00:08:59 further from even that part him is
00:08:59 --> 00:09:01 because I start I was I was being
00:09:01 --> 00:09:04 molested first by my dad my
00:09:04 --> 00:09:07 biological dad and I maybe I was like
00:09:07 --> 00:09:10 four or five um I don't know if it
00:09:10 --> 00:09:11 happened prior to that I've heard
00:09:11 --> 00:09:13 stories things that I just don't
00:09:13 --> 00:09:16 remember um I just remember one incident
00:09:16 --> 00:09:19 that I could recall and just dealing
00:09:19 --> 00:09:21 with that and at that time I'm just GNA
00:09:22 --> 00:09:24 call him Pastor because that's what you
00:09:24 --> 00:09:29 know the pastor he um
00:09:29 --> 00:09:32 he was there when I told my mother and
00:09:32 --> 00:09:34 my mother told him you know so at that
00:09:34 --> 00:09:36 point I felt that they were my safe
00:09:36 --> 00:09:38 haven they they they're there to help me
00:09:38 --> 00:09:41 when I told my mother what what happened
00:09:41 --> 00:09:43 and so that was when I was younger long
00:09:43 --> 00:09:46 and behold as time went on um my mother
00:09:46 --> 00:09:49 met this man let me say he was G doing
00:09:49 --> 00:09:51 Church in his
00:09:51 --> 00:09:54 apartment and he was a married man with
00:09:54 --> 00:09:56 three
00:09:56 --> 00:10:00 stepchildren so they somehow
00:10:00 --> 00:10:04 his daughter was my babysitter oh okay
00:10:04 --> 00:10:06 it connected his stepdaughter was our
00:10:06 --> 00:10:10 babysitter okay and long and
00:10:10 --> 00:10:13 behold the two Souls had tied
00:10:13 --> 00:10:17 together um there was my brother out of
00:10:17 --> 00:10:20 that and a sister out of that and
00:10:20 --> 00:10:23 so so your mother had your mother had
00:10:23 --> 00:10:24 two children so so but this man was he
00:10:24 --> 00:10:26 was married your M your mother met this
00:10:26 --> 00:10:29 guy who lied and said he was a pastor
00:10:29 --> 00:10:32 and he was married to someone else and
00:10:32 --> 00:10:36 so your mother was kind of yeah so but
00:10:36 --> 00:10:38 he but but but using religion he kind of
00:10:38 --> 00:10:41 like cohorted her into thinking that
00:10:41 --> 00:10:46 what he was doing was biblical yes right
00:10:46 --> 00:10:48 we all know you know how the enemy shows
00:10:48 --> 00:10:51 up in Disguise because he's a deceiver
00:10:52 --> 00:10:54 yeah and
00:10:54 --> 00:10:58 um so after that we you know Grew Older
00:10:58 --> 00:11:00 we would my mother I don't know she just
00:11:00 --> 00:11:02 chased the mess out of this man like we
00:11:02 --> 00:11:04 left our place and we moved in with them
00:11:04 --> 00:11:07 and their family and it was just a lot
00:11:07 --> 00:11:10 of a lot of confusion as a child knowing
00:11:10 --> 00:11:13 that we once had our place and now we're
00:11:13 --> 00:11:14 we're losing our place and we're going
00:11:14 --> 00:11:17 to stay with a whole family in a twoed
00:11:17 --> 00:11:19 apartment you know and now my mother has
00:11:19 --> 00:11:21 four kids it's three of them and we're
00:11:21 --> 00:11:22 all in one
00:11:22 --> 00:11:25 room we're on the floor so we went from
00:11:25 --> 00:11:28 our beds to sleeping on the floor how
00:11:28 --> 00:11:30 old were you then
00:11:30 --> 00:11:34 um five six seven five or six okay and I
00:11:34 --> 00:11:37 mean it just extended to the point where
00:11:37 --> 00:11:41 um we moved from that area so did his
00:11:41 --> 00:11:44 family and we all moved into one
00:11:44 --> 00:11:48 place together out of the whole town a
00:11:48 --> 00:11:51 whole another town South
00:11:51 --> 00:11:53 Jersey we literally picked we just
00:11:53 --> 00:11:55 picked up and just left not saying
00:11:55 --> 00:11:57 anything to nobody nobody knowing where
00:11:57 --> 00:12:00 we're at just got up and just left just
00:12:00 --> 00:12:04 left and um at that time I was probably
00:12:04 --> 00:12:07 like 12 years old I was like
00:12:07 --> 00:12:11 12 and um yeah about 12 and so going to
00:12:11 --> 00:12:14 school something totally different and I
00:12:14 --> 00:12:15 remember this man would say little
00:12:15 --> 00:12:19 things to me like compliments but not
00:12:19 --> 00:12:21 understanding what it was like what he
00:12:21 --> 00:12:23 was really saying because I looked at
00:12:23 --> 00:12:25 him as the father figure I looked at him
00:12:25 --> 00:12:29 as the pastor right so we
00:12:29 --> 00:12:31 just learned to respect him it's like he
00:12:31 --> 00:12:34 knew what to say or what to do he was a
00:12:34 --> 00:12:39 man and so now we go and we
00:12:39 --> 00:12:41 um him and my mother they did make the
00:12:41 --> 00:12:45 long story short they they go away one
00:12:45 --> 00:12:48 day they go to with his wife they all
00:12:48 --> 00:12:49 three of them
00:12:49 --> 00:12:51 leave and they go to Georgia and they
00:12:52 --> 00:12:53 come
00:12:53 --> 00:12:56 back and he's my mother comes to me and
00:12:56 --> 00:12:58 she's like and now mind you at that time
00:12:58 --> 00:13:00 I I love the Lord so I was reading the
00:13:00 --> 00:13:03 Bible not knowing because he was having
00:13:03 --> 00:13:06 me to read the Bible in the way he
00:13:06 --> 00:13:07 wanted me to so I'm thinking he's a
00:13:07 --> 00:13:09 pastor I'm gonna listen I'm gonna
00:13:09 --> 00:13:12 teaching you something yes and so I'm
00:13:12 --> 00:13:13 reading
00:13:13 --> 00:13:15 it and then one day she comes to me and
00:13:15 --> 00:13:19 she's like um remember in the Bible they
00:13:19 --> 00:13:21 had
00:13:21 --> 00:13:23 concubines you know and she's bringing
00:13:23 --> 00:13:24 to me all of this stuff and I'm just
00:13:24 --> 00:13:26 like okay like where is she getting at
00:13:26 --> 00:13:28 but my I had a knot in my stomach now
00:13:28 --> 00:13:31 mind you I'm only like 12 years old yeah
00:13:32 --> 00:13:34 and I'm just like okay what is this yeah
00:13:34 --> 00:13:36 I was 13 13 years old and I'm like okay
00:13:36 --> 00:13:38 so what is this supposed to mean but my
00:13:38 --> 00:13:40 stomach is telling me no and she was
00:13:40 --> 00:13:44 like well um you're going to be his
00:13:44 --> 00:13:47 wife you're going to be his third
00:13:47 --> 00:13:49 wife and um and mind you they took me to
00:13:49 --> 00:13:51 the doctor to make sure I was she was
00:13:51 --> 00:13:53 already she was already the second wife
00:13:53 --> 00:13:55 she was already the second wife not
00:13:55 --> 00:13:57 legally but that's what you know so
00:13:57 --> 00:14:00 she's like um we're going to she took me
00:14:00 --> 00:14:01 mind you I didn't know why she was
00:14:01 --> 00:14:03 taking me to the doctor to see if I was
00:14:03 --> 00:14:05 still a virgin okay but it was because
00:14:05 --> 00:14:08 he was telling her to yeah so when she
00:14:08 --> 00:14:11 found out I was or he found out I was I
00:14:11 --> 00:14:13 I find that he just pushed the
00:14:13 --> 00:14:15 issue and so she was like yeah he's
00:14:15 --> 00:14:18 meant to be your husband you know before
00:14:18 --> 00:14:20 any of these guys are in the street and
00:14:20 --> 00:14:23 they take you he knows how you know
00:14:23 --> 00:14:24 she's saying all of this stuff and I'm
00:14:24 --> 00:14:26 just like no I don't want to now my you
00:14:26 --> 00:14:28 for me to say that back then I'm scared
00:14:28 --> 00:14:29 of these two cuz my mother was
00:14:29 --> 00:14:32 physically abusive with beatings with
00:14:32 --> 00:14:34 bats you know what I mean High Hill
00:14:34 --> 00:14:36 shoes hangers punching me in my face
00:14:36 --> 00:14:38 like we got beat stenching cords naked
00:14:38 --> 00:14:43 so for me to tell her no was me really
00:14:43 --> 00:14:45 for myself and I'm just like no that's
00:14:45 --> 00:14:47 not what I want to do and I could tell
00:14:47 --> 00:14:48 she got irritated she said well you go
00:14:48 --> 00:14:50 in a room and you tell
00:14:50 --> 00:14:53 him so I got up and that's what I went
00:14:53 --> 00:14:55 to do and I told him I was like you know
00:14:55 --> 00:14:57 you helped me with my father why would
00:14:57 --> 00:14:59 why I didn't understand that
00:14:59 --> 00:15:00 and
00:15:00 --> 00:15:03 so one day I guess they kind of like
00:15:03 --> 00:15:06 caused it to like calm it down and then
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08 I just saw that my mother was start and
00:15:08 --> 00:15:09 she's never done this so she started
00:15:09 --> 00:15:12 putting me in a car with him like go to
00:15:12 --> 00:15:15 the store and I'll see him and he'll
00:15:15 --> 00:15:17 have me get in a car with him and that
00:15:17 --> 00:15:19 again I was 13 this man is old enough to
00:15:19 --> 00:15:21 be my father he's in his
00:15:22 --> 00:15:26 30s and so he's having me touch him he's
00:15:26 --> 00:15:29 touching me he's and I I'm it's just
00:15:29 --> 00:15:32 such a disgusting feeling yeah I didn't
00:15:32 --> 00:15:34 I so now listen to you I can't go to my
00:15:34 --> 00:15:36 mother and say what I don't like I can't
00:15:36 --> 00:15:38 say nothing to him I can't say nothing
00:15:39 --> 00:15:40 to his wife right I can't even say
00:15:40 --> 00:15:43 nothing to her because I physically
00:15:43 --> 00:15:45 would see him beat the living crap out
00:15:45 --> 00:15:48 of her stomp her busted lips black eyes
00:15:48 --> 00:15:50 so how is she gonna help me she can't
00:15:50 --> 00:15:53 help herself you know and then mind you
00:15:53 --> 00:15:54 all my siblings and stuff are all
00:15:54 --> 00:15:55 younger than
00:15:55 --> 00:15:59 me so I just didn't feel Clueless to to
00:15:59 --> 00:16:02 get any help that happen for the years
00:16:02 --> 00:16:06 that I was 13 and then when I was
00:16:06 --> 00:16:10 14 um me and my mother decide she would
00:16:10 --> 00:16:14 go meet him outside of the house and I
00:16:14 --> 00:16:15 would go with her I didn't know what was
00:16:15 --> 00:16:17 going on like that I was dumb as a donil
00:16:17 --> 00:16:19 when it came to stuff like that I I was
00:16:19 --> 00:16:21 lost in the sauce you know because my
00:16:21 --> 00:16:23 mother didn't talk to me about these
00:16:23 --> 00:16:25 things and so the birds and the bees
00:16:25 --> 00:16:27 type conversations like didn't have yeah
00:16:27 --> 00:16:29 we didn't have those
00:16:29 --> 00:16:33 I was like you know I was lost and so
00:16:33 --> 00:16:35 when we
00:16:35 --> 00:16:38 walking and we F we he's pared and we
00:16:38 --> 00:16:40 see him pared we get in the car and
00:16:40 --> 00:16:42 she's like I want you to get in the
00:16:42 --> 00:16:45 front seat and that was that was weird
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47 because I never sat in a front seat I
00:16:47 --> 00:16:49 was sit in the back and instantly my my
00:16:49 --> 00:16:51 stomach just dropped I get in a front
00:16:51 --> 00:16:53 seat we're driving They're laughing
00:16:53 --> 00:16:55 having this full-blown conversation I
00:16:55 --> 00:16:57 don't know where we're going and we pull
00:16:57 --> 00:17:00 up to this hotel this little
00:17:00 --> 00:17:03 motel and she's like he gets out and
00:17:03 --> 00:17:05 goes in a room so back then I didn't
00:17:05 --> 00:17:07 know but now that indicates that he
00:17:07 --> 00:17:09 already went and plotted this was
00:17:09 --> 00:17:11 plotted yeah right in a room he already
00:17:11 --> 00:17:14 had the key and so she's like get out
00:17:14 --> 00:17:16 the car and go in the
00:17:16 --> 00:17:19 room and I'm like I get up and you were
00:17:19 --> 00:17:22 14 okay yes I'm like I don't want to get
00:17:22 --> 00:17:23 out the car and I don't want to go in
00:17:23 --> 00:17:26 the room you know and so again remember
00:17:26 --> 00:17:28 goes back to the fear that I where where
00:17:28 --> 00:17:29 am I going to go in the middle of
00:17:29 --> 00:17:32 nowhere it's dark it's late at night you
00:17:32 --> 00:17:35 know and so I get out the car I'm you
00:17:35 --> 00:17:37 know not knowing what would happen and I
00:17:37 --> 00:17:39 go in a car and pretty much you could
00:17:39 --> 00:17:40 say
00:17:40 --> 00:17:45 he did yeah and
00:17:45 --> 00:17:48 um I remember him peeking his head out
00:17:48 --> 00:17:51 the door and telling her to come in
00:17:51 --> 00:17:52 after everything is done and I go in a
00:17:52 --> 00:17:55 bathroom and I'm just everything trying
00:17:55 --> 00:17:57 to register in my head at the same time
00:17:57 --> 00:17:58 remember I've never been sex you you
00:17:58 --> 00:18:01 know I've never had intimacy I don't I
00:18:01 --> 00:18:02 don't know what any of this is supposed
00:18:02 --> 00:18:05 to feel like what is this these feelings
00:18:05 --> 00:18:07 that I'm having is the emotional and I
00:18:07 --> 00:18:10 just go in a bathroom and I'm just
00:18:10 --> 00:18:12 balling and so I come out of the
00:18:12 --> 00:18:15 bathroom and it was two beds one by the
00:18:15 --> 00:18:17 door and one by the Mirror by the
00:18:17 --> 00:18:20 bathroom and she's sitting in the chair
00:18:20 --> 00:18:21 you know how they have the table with
00:18:21 --> 00:18:23 the two chairs on the side and she's
00:18:23 --> 00:18:24 sitting in one of the chairs and he's
00:18:24 --> 00:18:26 sitting on the edge of the bed facing
00:18:26 --> 00:18:28 her and them two are having this
00:18:29 --> 00:18:32 conversation and laughing and as if like
00:18:32 --> 00:18:35 this to me and I'm facing the mirror
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38 with my head down like what just like
00:18:38 --> 00:18:40 just trying to process this remember I'm
00:18:40 --> 00:18:43 14 I'm trying to process this with my
00:18:43 --> 00:18:46 mother this man supposed to be the
00:18:46 --> 00:18:50 pastor where what just happened and from
00:18:50 --> 00:18:54 that day forward it happens all the time
00:18:54 --> 00:18:58 it would happen all the time and I I
00:18:58 --> 00:19:00 just just wanted some like nobody don't
00:19:00 --> 00:19:02 see what's going on nobody don't see any
00:19:02 --> 00:19:05 of this and I remember going to school
00:19:05 --> 00:19:06 and I was trying to tell my guidance
00:19:06 --> 00:19:08 counselor but I didn't know how to tell
00:19:08 --> 00:19:10 him you know and he called my mother and
00:19:10 --> 00:19:12 told my
00:19:12 --> 00:19:14 mother what I
00:19:14 --> 00:19:18 said and you know don't no disrespect of
00:19:18 --> 00:19:20 because not about color but you know
00:19:20 --> 00:19:22 when you deal Caucasian and you come
00:19:22 --> 00:19:24 them trying to tell them he not he not
00:19:24 --> 00:19:27 getting the lingo you know yes wasn't
00:19:27 --> 00:19:29 catching and so I'm just like uh and
00:19:29 --> 00:19:31 when he called her I got the beaten of
00:19:31 --> 00:19:33 my life you hear me I got the beating of
00:19:33 --> 00:19:37 my life and my mother would do hair so
00:19:37 --> 00:19:40 now I'm have this bit I I that happens
00:19:40 --> 00:19:42 it's happening for a long time my uncle
00:19:42 --> 00:19:45 passes away my mother has to go to
00:19:45 --> 00:19:48 Minnesota and and I say to my mom can I
00:19:48 --> 00:19:51 go with you I want to go with you and
00:19:51 --> 00:19:52 she's like no you're gonna stay here and
00:19:53 --> 00:19:54 whatever he wants you to do you're going
00:19:54 --> 00:19:56 to
00:19:56 --> 00:19:58 do I stayed after school every single
00:19:58 --> 00:20:00 say that I could possibly say after I
00:20:00 --> 00:20:02 stayed in my I tried to stay away from
00:20:02 --> 00:20:05 him as much as I possibly can when she
00:20:05 --> 00:20:08 came back he told her that I wasn't
00:20:08 --> 00:20:11 around and I got a beaten so every time
00:20:11 --> 00:20:14 I wouldn't be intimate with him if he if
00:20:14 --> 00:20:16 he wasn't able to have his way with me I
00:20:16 --> 00:20:20 would get beat every time so after while
00:20:20 --> 00:20:22 you just decide you just I'mma get beat
00:20:22 --> 00:20:25 anyway and still have to do it yeah and
00:20:25 --> 00:20:27 you go through that I say like after
00:20:27 --> 00:20:29 like a year of it I just
00:20:29 --> 00:20:31 I just caved in I got tired of getting
00:20:31 --> 00:20:34 beat it was going to happen anyway and
00:20:34 --> 00:20:37 so I remember I had I got
00:20:37 --> 00:20:39 pregnant and I didn't even catch that
00:20:39 --> 00:20:42 what was going on I'm like I was 16 we
00:20:42 --> 00:20:44 go to the doctor I'm just for a regular
00:20:44 --> 00:20:48 physical and find out that I'm pregnant
00:20:48 --> 00:20:52 and I'm like she's happy and I think
00:20:52 --> 00:20:53 because my mother couldn't have any more
00:20:53 --> 00:20:57 kids for him it was her way of saying
00:20:57 --> 00:20:59 here because she used to always
00:20:59 --> 00:21:02 reference uh Sarah and
00:21:02 --> 00:21:04 heog yeah you know and back then I
00:21:04 --> 00:21:07 didn't understand it you know so so
00:21:07 --> 00:21:09 that's what I see it was like I can't
00:21:09 --> 00:21:12 have anymore so here take
00:21:12 --> 00:21:18 her you know and um I had my daughter my
00:21:18 --> 00:21:20 beautiful I'm telling you I know God
00:21:20 --> 00:21:22 gave her to me for a reason because so
00:21:22 --> 00:21:25 pretty thank you she is
00:21:25 --> 00:21:28 she's an amazing God-fearing woman and
00:21:28 --> 00:21:31 just so proud of what God is doing in
00:21:31 --> 00:21:32 her life when I talk about my kids y'all
00:21:32 --> 00:21:34 I do get a
00:21:34 --> 00:21:39 little cuz like I know where I was at at
00:21:39 --> 00:21:42 that point and I I probably would have
00:21:42 --> 00:21:45 harmed myself if I and I really feel
00:21:45 --> 00:21:47 like God has a purpose and that's why
00:21:47 --> 00:21:49 I'm not going to get on that part but
00:21:49 --> 00:21:52 imagine if I aborted that beautiful baby
00:21:52 --> 00:21:56 right imagine she kept me and then I had
00:21:56 --> 00:21:59 a son so I had two kids from this I
00:22:00 --> 00:22:02 would I wouldn't be here I'm probably
00:22:02 --> 00:22:03 wouldn't be here I didn't have nothing
00:22:03 --> 00:22:06 to fight for but they gave me something
00:22:06 --> 00:22:08 to fight four and through all of that
00:22:08 --> 00:22:12 then so I had two kids one at 16 okay go
00:22:12 --> 00:22:15 ahead by 16 and 17 I had her I got
00:22:15 --> 00:22:18 pregnant at 16 had her at 17 a few
00:22:18 --> 00:22:20 months later I had I got pregnant again
00:22:20 --> 00:22:23 and then I had my son at 18 so at 18 I
00:22:23 --> 00:22:26 had two kids that I didn't plan on
00:22:26 --> 00:22:29 having so um because I never had a
00:22:29 --> 00:22:31 boyfriend so nobody didn't know in a
00:22:31 --> 00:22:33 town in the area where did these kids
00:22:33 --> 00:22:36 come from so my mother would braid hair
00:22:36 --> 00:22:37 and she would be like girl she fast you
00:22:38 --> 00:22:39 don't know nothing about this girl she
00:22:39 --> 00:22:42 she a little [ __ ] she be out in each
00:22:42 --> 00:22:45 streets and I'm standing
00:22:45 --> 00:22:49 there I can't defend myself yeah and so
00:22:49 --> 00:22:52 imagine hearing that for years that
00:22:52 --> 00:22:54 you're fast that you're a little [ __ ]
00:22:55 --> 00:22:56 that you're this you're sleeping with
00:22:56 --> 00:22:57 the neighbors and you're sleeping and
00:22:57 --> 00:23:00 you know that none of that is true so
00:23:00 --> 00:23:03 imagine the impact that it had on me too
00:23:03 --> 00:23:05 growing up to you begin to believe that
00:23:05 --> 00:23:08 type of about
00:23:08 --> 00:23:13 yourself and so after that my my um they
00:23:13 --> 00:23:15 had me watch the strippers club with
00:23:15 --> 00:23:18 Lisa Ray I remember you said that yes
00:23:18 --> 00:23:20 yes and mind you we weren't allowed to
00:23:21 --> 00:23:24 watch TV so for me to watch TV only in
00:23:24 --> 00:23:25 their room because it was all three of
00:23:25 --> 00:23:28 them in one room it was a privilege to
00:23:28 --> 00:23:31 watch you know to watch TV but this
00:23:31 --> 00:23:33 sounds so how many other kids lived in
00:23:33 --> 00:23:35 the house it was me it was myself and
00:23:35 --> 00:23:38 then I have I had three other siblings
00:23:38 --> 00:23:40 and little god sister who's my my like
00:23:40 --> 00:23:43 my little other daughter um that was
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46 there as well now the three step kids
00:23:46 --> 00:23:47 they were there in the beginning but
00:23:47 --> 00:23:50 then they all moved out um so at you
00:23:50 --> 00:23:53 were the only one that
00:23:53 --> 00:23:57 they gave to him as a concubine yes well
00:23:57 --> 00:23:59 well I'm not going to share sh her story
00:23:59 --> 00:24:02 like that but moles one of his he was
00:24:02 --> 00:24:04 also doing stuff to his other daughter
00:24:04 --> 00:24:06 you know what I mean step daughter so
00:24:06 --> 00:24:08 I'm not gonna he's been a pedophile but
00:24:08 --> 00:24:11 anyway yeah that's there neither here or
00:24:11 --> 00:24:15 there but um had me show this watch this
00:24:15 --> 00:24:19 movie and then they're like oh yo she
00:24:19 --> 00:24:20 like trying to as they say now
00:24:20 --> 00:24:22 gaslighting right oh like she making
00:24:23 --> 00:24:25 that money look at them I've never been
00:24:25 --> 00:24:27 a money girl so it didn't that part
00:24:27 --> 00:24:29 never mattered to me you know but it was
00:24:29 --> 00:24:31 just act the way that they
00:24:31 --> 00:24:35 were saying how beautiful she is and how
00:24:35 --> 00:24:37 you know what I mean like really just
00:24:37 --> 00:24:39 souping it up with how she looked and
00:24:39 --> 00:24:42 she looked just like you that could be
00:24:42 --> 00:24:45 girl you know what I mean and not not
00:24:45 --> 00:24:48 putting D you know not knowing and then
00:24:48 --> 00:24:53 one day they just put me in
00:24:53 --> 00:24:55 um they get me in a car and they take me
00:24:55 --> 00:24:59 to this place where it has outfits and
00:24:59 --> 00:25:02 stuff in and they're like some
00:25:02 --> 00:25:05 outfits and so I'm trying on outfits
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06 they want to see how I look at it now
00:25:06 --> 00:25:08 mind you he's been going to strip club
00:25:08 --> 00:25:10 so he
00:25:10 --> 00:25:13 already he stripped and he like to uh
00:25:13 --> 00:25:16 Gamble like gamble he liked to I'm sure
00:25:16 --> 00:25:20 he was tricking you know so he would
00:25:20 --> 00:25:23 come they they literally take me to the
00:25:23 --> 00:25:25 club and stand there and watch me
00:25:26 --> 00:25:28 audition and now I'm I'm like how can I
00:25:28 --> 00:25:29 I leave this place cuz I don't want to
00:25:29 --> 00:25:32 be here you know already self-conscious
00:25:32 --> 00:25:35 about my body you know so I don't want
00:25:35 --> 00:25:37 to be here girl I didn't know what I was
00:25:37 --> 00:25:39 doing walking from side to side I don't
00:25:39 --> 00:25:42 know what I'm doing I'm just like and so
00:25:42 --> 00:25:44 I started working it was mainly a
00:25:44 --> 00:25:49 Caucasian high class bar place and from
00:25:49 --> 00:25:53 why did they hire me I mean they would
00:25:53 --> 00:25:55 me they hire me then they started taking
00:25:55 --> 00:25:56 my
00:25:56 --> 00:25:58 money I would dance they would take my
00:25:58 --> 00:26:00 money at the end of the night they would
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01 I would dance and then when I started
00:26:01 --> 00:26:03 catching on they started having me in
00:26:03 --> 00:26:05 other clubs and like so now I'm dancing
00:26:05 --> 00:26:07 at like three four different clubs they
00:26:07 --> 00:26:09 taking my money I ain't got a dollar to
00:26:09 --> 00:26:13 my name my siblings are not eating you
00:26:13 --> 00:26:14 know so there's no food in the house
00:26:14 --> 00:26:16 they're taking the money gambling doing
00:26:16 --> 00:26:19 whatever with it and so I started
00:26:19 --> 00:26:20 stashing
00:26:20 --> 00:26:22 money so I started stashing a little
00:26:23 --> 00:26:25 money so at least we can eat you know
00:26:25 --> 00:26:28 yeah and when they found that out baby
00:26:28 --> 00:26:31 it was h l
00:26:31 --> 00:26:34 l and um I want to retrack it was so bad
00:26:34 --> 00:26:36 I this is going to go back a little bit
00:26:36 --> 00:26:38 but my mother even tried to sell me to
00:26:38 --> 00:26:40 an African young guy his name was Alfred
00:26:40 --> 00:26:42 and he was 21 at this time I think I was
00:26:42 --> 00:26:45 maybe like 15 and he they told him you
00:26:46 --> 00:26:48 can marry her for
00:26:48 --> 00:26:50 $10 and because he didn't have the
00:26:50 --> 00:26:52 money they backed out of it so
00:26:52 --> 00:26:54 everything was just money money money I
00:26:54 --> 00:26:56 was their money tool however they can
00:26:56 --> 00:26:59 use me like a porn they
00:26:59 --> 00:27:02 did and then when I got into the
00:27:02 --> 00:27:04 stripping I I would hear people tell me
00:27:04 --> 00:27:06 conversations that my mother would have
00:27:06 --> 00:27:07 with them like she was really trying to
00:27:07 --> 00:27:09 sexually pimp me
00:27:09 --> 00:27:13 out um you know and I'm just grateful to
00:27:13 --> 00:27:15 the Lord that he never allowed it to get
00:27:15 --> 00:27:20 to you know that part of it you know but
00:27:20 --> 00:27:22 then I got involved in drugs because I
00:27:22 --> 00:27:24 wasn't aware of it but I started
00:27:24 --> 00:27:26 drinking very heavy I started drinking
00:27:26 --> 00:27:27 my mother and them actually had me
00:27:27 --> 00:27:30 drinking at 15 and what we would do in
00:27:30 --> 00:27:35 the house is we would she would make me
00:27:35 --> 00:27:36 her
00:27:36 --> 00:27:39 myself and from time to time it would be
00:27:39 --> 00:27:41 different family my little sister who
00:27:41 --> 00:27:44 was a little girl a minor one of his
00:27:44 --> 00:27:47 stepdaughters it would be and we would
00:27:47 --> 00:27:50 be forced to because we're young we
00:27:50 --> 00:27:53 don't really get it right um to dance
00:27:53 --> 00:27:55 for
00:27:55 --> 00:27:58 him we will be forced to and this be
00:27:58 --> 00:28:00 like it would turn into a literal thing
00:28:00 --> 00:28:03 every freaking weekend sorry every
00:28:03 --> 00:28:06 weekend you know every weekend we would
00:28:06 --> 00:28:08 it was whatever it was to please this
00:28:08 --> 00:28:10 man I mean you don't think about it back
00:28:10 --> 00:28:11 then
00:28:11 --> 00:28:13 but you know now looking back it was
00:28:13 --> 00:28:16 like he was just really a pedophile
00:28:16 --> 00:28:19 because yeah using the name of the Lord
00:28:19 --> 00:28:22 to get what he want you know and so like
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25 I said I turned to drugs and
00:28:25 --> 00:28:28 alcohol and um
00:28:28 --> 00:28:30 it was just a down spiral from there
00:28:30 --> 00:28:32 going through court system my mother
00:28:32 --> 00:28:34 tricked I was like I said young dumb you
00:28:34 --> 00:28:36 know she tricked me into how I had to
00:28:36 --> 00:28:39 escape I do want to share that you know
00:28:39 --> 00:28:42 um my Escape was really bad because my
00:28:42 --> 00:28:44 siblings had to help me escape I got
00:28:44 --> 00:28:47 beat really really really bad one day
00:28:47 --> 00:28:49 because you know back then it was the
00:28:49 --> 00:28:52 beepers and um one of the clients from
00:28:52 --> 00:28:56 the club you know he he beats beats me
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57 but he really liked me was a guy who
00:28:57 --> 00:29:01 really liked me and
00:29:01 --> 00:29:04 um when he beeps me my mother had the
00:29:04 --> 00:29:07 Beeper and she runs back and she's like
00:29:07 --> 00:29:10 look he peeped her he paged her why did
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11 she like why would
00:29:12 --> 00:29:16 you man they beat the living hooa out of
00:29:16 --> 00:29:20 me I mean black eyes busted lips hair
00:29:20 --> 00:29:23 clocks out of my head bruises down my
00:29:23 --> 00:29:28 back my body I mean I was beat bad and
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29 they threw me in the room they took all
00:29:29 --> 00:29:31 the phones out of the
00:29:31 --> 00:29:33 walls and they're like they locked me in
00:29:33 --> 00:29:35 a room took the kids out put them all in
00:29:35 --> 00:29:38 the other room and said pretty much if
00:29:38 --> 00:29:40 that was to leave they were going to and
00:29:41 --> 00:29:42 they told the kids if you let her leave
00:29:42 --> 00:29:44 you're going to get a
00:29:44 --> 00:29:47 beaten and I I just knew I was leaving I
00:29:47 --> 00:29:50 took a little shot rate bag of my
00:29:50 --> 00:29:52 daughter's one little shot R bag of my
00:29:52 --> 00:29:54 son and I left with what I didn't even
00:29:54 --> 00:29:57 have any I just had a t-shirt on and
00:29:57 --> 00:29:59 socks I didn't care because they even
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00 took the
00:30:00 --> 00:30:03 clothes so I put it on the side and I
00:30:03 --> 00:30:05 told them I said you know then they came
00:30:06 --> 00:30:07 in a room to check on me because they
00:30:07 --> 00:30:10 witnessed it yeah this and they went to
00:30:10 --> 00:30:13 check on me when they saw me you know
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15 thank God my little sister and um my god
00:30:15 --> 00:30:17 sister was like we're going to get you
00:30:17 --> 00:30:18 out of here and I'm like I don't want y'
00:30:18 --> 00:30:20 to get a beat and it's okay and I gave
00:30:21 --> 00:30:22 them the guy's number they went to the
00:30:22 --> 00:30:25 pay phone at the corner and paid you
00:30:25 --> 00:30:28 know told him to come and when he came I
00:30:28 --> 00:30:32 Had Each baby in one arm and I just your
00:30:32 --> 00:30:36 life and um time went on before I saw
00:30:36 --> 00:30:39 them again right and um me being me
00:30:39 --> 00:30:42 that's my mother you know we finally got
00:30:42 --> 00:30:43 in contact after six months she wanted
00:30:44 --> 00:30:45 to see the
00:30:45 --> 00:30:48 kids and I caved in to let her see the
00:30:48 --> 00:30:51 kids the crying oh you know I miss you
00:30:51 --> 00:30:54 guys I love you I'm sorry for everything
00:30:54 --> 00:30:55 and I C
00:30:55 --> 00:30:58 in and um at the time you know getting
00:30:58 --> 00:31:00 Medicaid you I had insurance for them
00:31:00 --> 00:31:02 she had me write her a letter stating
00:31:02 --> 00:31:05 that some some long story but anyway she
00:31:05 --> 00:31:07 had me write her letter saying that the
00:31:07 --> 00:31:10 kids was there because of Medicaid and I
00:31:10 --> 00:31:12 all of this stuff and I wrote the letter
00:31:12 --> 00:31:14 not thinking you know what I mean not
00:31:14 --> 00:31:17 thinking because when I see the kids it
00:31:17 --> 00:31:19 was not a problem I say after the third
00:31:19 --> 00:31:22 visit she kept the kids and called the
00:31:22 --> 00:31:24 police and told them that I came to
00:31:24 --> 00:31:25 steal the
00:31:25 --> 00:31:29 kids and so now I'm I I wind up being in
00:31:29 --> 00:31:31 this court system forever trying to
00:31:31 --> 00:31:32 fight for these
00:31:32 --> 00:31:36 kids and my God and it was I'm telling
00:31:36 --> 00:31:38 you the D fist people were not on my
00:31:38 --> 00:31:41 side no matter what and I get it I was I
00:31:41 --> 00:31:44 started dating women I was I mean I was
00:31:44 --> 00:31:46 never abused of anything to my children
00:31:46 --> 00:31:48 that's you know but I I was I was just
00:31:48 --> 00:31:51 lost little soul trying to find my way
00:31:51 --> 00:31:54 you know and anything that I couldn't go
00:31:54 --> 00:31:57 back there but now my kids is there so
00:31:57 --> 00:31:59 now I have to suck it up so they'll be
00:31:59 --> 00:32:01 like oh you want to have the kids for
00:32:01 --> 00:32:03 the night oh you got to give me $200 and
00:32:03 --> 00:32:05 you can see the kids for the night and I
00:32:05 --> 00:32:07 would give them to my car note needs to
00:32:07 --> 00:32:09 be paid you want to see the kids pay the
00:32:09 --> 00:32:12 car note car note three months behind I
00:32:12 --> 00:32:15 have to pay the car note and so it just
00:32:15 --> 00:32:18 became a a regular regular habit of like
00:32:18 --> 00:32:19 they if in order for me to see the kids
00:32:19 --> 00:32:22 I would have to pay them and yeah I'm
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23 here to admit like my side you know when
00:32:23 --> 00:32:25 I they would do a urine test on me it
00:32:25 --> 00:32:28 was mainly marijuana it was nothing like
00:32:28 --> 00:32:31 crazy but you you needed something to
00:32:31 --> 00:32:34 maintain yes I listen if you ain't have
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35 the Holy Spirit you need something to
00:32:35 --> 00:32:39 maintain all that you had to endure list
00:32:39 --> 00:32:42 I need something to maintain yes it was
00:32:43 --> 00:32:44 a it was a coping mechanism it was your
00:32:44 --> 00:32:47 coping mechanism you hadn't you hadn't
00:32:47 --> 00:32:49 had your encounter yet yes I did all
00:32:49 --> 00:32:51 that you had to endure most people can't
00:32:51 --> 00:32:53 even imagine going through that and what
00:32:53 --> 00:32:55 I'm sharing with y'all is like I'm
00:32:55 --> 00:32:56 trying to break it down to the shortest
00:32:56 --> 00:32:58 version that I possibly
00:32:58 --> 00:33:00 been times I've been stomped out you
00:33:01 --> 00:33:04 know guns put to my head um him speeding
00:33:04 --> 00:33:07 off saying that he's GNA jump you know
00:33:07 --> 00:33:10 go over the bridge with me in the car so
00:33:10 --> 00:33:12 like all of these things is mental stuff
00:33:12 --> 00:33:14 that's he's they've been breaking you
00:33:14 --> 00:33:17 for years yes and
00:33:17 --> 00:33:20 um so yeah they're doing that and make a
00:33:20 --> 00:33:22 long story short fighting the system
00:33:22 --> 00:33:26 everything and uh one day this guy one
00:33:26 --> 00:33:28 of the dapest workers
00:33:28 --> 00:33:31 and I I want to shout him out so bad but
00:33:31 --> 00:33:34 I don't know if I can but he was so
00:33:34 --> 00:33:37 amazing and he was watching things that
00:33:37 --> 00:33:40 the other ones weren't and he came to me
00:33:40 --> 00:33:43 and he he said he went to the house to
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45 see the kids and he came he called me
00:33:45 --> 00:33:47 actually he said can I meet you and I'm
00:33:47 --> 00:33:48 like sure you can meet me now mind you
00:33:48 --> 00:33:51 I'm pregnant with my third
00:33:51 --> 00:33:53 daughter and I'm
00:33:53 --> 00:33:57 engaged you know and so um she says I'm
00:33:57 --> 00:34:00 like yeah so we we meet and he's like
00:34:00 --> 00:34:02 something's not right in that house I
00:34:02 --> 00:34:04 feel it something's not right and I feel
00:34:04 --> 00:34:06 like you're not being honest with me I
00:34:06 --> 00:34:08 need you to tell me what is going
00:34:08 --> 00:34:11 on and I'm just like I never had nobody
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 ask me that question before like
00:34:12 --> 00:34:14 somebody car about me to ask me what's
00:34:15 --> 00:34:17 going on and I just broke out crying
00:34:17 --> 00:34:19 like are you going to protect me if you
00:34:19 --> 00:34:22 could guarantee protection I'll tell you
00:34:22 --> 00:34:25 and he said better yet I'll help you get
00:34:25 --> 00:34:26 your kids and I'll do whatever it is
00:34:26 --> 00:34:28 what it takes I'm putting my life on the
00:34:28 --> 00:34:29 line to help
00:34:29 --> 00:34:33 you and I told him everything and I
00:34:33 --> 00:34:36 could look I look over and this man is
00:34:36 --> 00:34:38 crying and this is my social worker this
00:34:38 --> 00:34:41 is my dius worker I don't know what they
00:34:41 --> 00:34:44 call them now but D workers they said go
00:34:44 --> 00:34:50 okay and so he um he said okay I I got
00:34:50 --> 00:34:53 you and we he set up is that when you
00:34:53 --> 00:34:55 told somebody that those that that your
00:34:55 --> 00:34:57 children belong to
00:34:57 --> 00:35:01 your stepfather okay or I told him
00:35:01 --> 00:35:02 everything we sat in that car probably
00:35:02 --> 00:35:06 for two or three hours I told him
00:35:06 --> 00:35:08 everything and he
00:35:08 --> 00:35:12 said don't give me some time I got you
00:35:12 --> 00:35:14 he was like give me some time and I'm
00:35:14 --> 00:35:17 tell within days he had a court hearing
00:35:17 --> 00:35:21 and I walk in and it's this table with
00:35:21 --> 00:35:24 all of these people around and I'm like
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26 oh my God what is all of these people
00:35:26 --> 00:35:27 who are these people sitting at this
00:35:27 --> 00:35:31 long table and I go to the bathroom and
00:35:31 --> 00:35:34 my mother walks in and she says when you
00:35:34 --> 00:35:37 talk to those people you better tell
00:35:37 --> 00:35:38 them that you don't know who the father
00:35:38 --> 00:35:40 is of your
00:35:40 --> 00:35:44 children and I looked at her and I was
00:35:44 --> 00:35:46 the first time I was able to say I will
00:35:46 --> 00:35:47 not do
00:35:47 --> 00:35:50 that and so I walked back out and we get
00:35:50 --> 00:35:52 into the table with this room and she
00:35:52 --> 00:35:54 was like oh she was a [ __ ] she doesn't
00:35:54 --> 00:35:57 know who sorry that's my light she was a
00:35:57 --> 00:35:59 [ __ ] she doesn't know who her kid
00:35:59 --> 00:36:01 father is she was very
00:36:01 --> 00:36:04 promiscuous and I'm I'm balling but I'm
00:36:04 --> 00:36:07 I'm letting her talk and um so the one
00:36:07 --> 00:36:09 at the head table says is that true
00:36:09 --> 00:36:13 ma'am and I said no I know who the
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 father is he said well would you want to
00:36:14 --> 00:36:17 take a paternity test and I said yes I
00:36:17 --> 00:36:20 would like to take a paternity test so
00:36:20 --> 00:36:23 right then and there they summons him to
00:36:23 --> 00:36:25 BU law by the court order to now mind he
00:36:25 --> 00:36:27 didn't even come he didn't even come in
00:36:27 --> 00:36:30 room but I'm saying the man who lived
00:36:30 --> 00:36:33 there is it cuz my mother was his
00:36:33 --> 00:36:35 puppet and so when he
00:36:36 --> 00:36:38 um make a long story show we
00:36:38 --> 00:36:41 leave and I get a phone call from one of
00:36:41 --> 00:36:44 my ex-girlfriends at that time and she's
00:36:44 --> 00:36:48 like I have your kids and it's like
00:36:48 --> 00:36:50 midnight one o'clock in the morning she
00:36:50 --> 00:36:52 got my kids with my little young sister
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53 walk in the
00:36:53 --> 00:36:56 streets baby I when I tell you I threw
00:36:56 --> 00:36:58 them clothes on cuz it was you know we
00:36:58 --> 00:37:01 sleeping I'm pregnant yes and I went and
00:37:01 --> 00:37:04 got the kids and um when we went to go
00:37:04 --> 00:37:06 get the kids give them a bath and feed
00:37:06 --> 00:37:08 them and I was nervous to tell dius like
00:37:08 --> 00:37:10 I have these kids because they weren't
00:37:10 --> 00:37:14 legally in my custody yet yeah and um it
00:37:14 --> 00:37:15 was right before Thanksgiving that's why
00:37:15 --> 00:37:18 Thanksgiving to me is more that's my
00:37:18 --> 00:37:21 it's very special but I called I finally
00:37:21 --> 00:37:23 called to and I Saidi have the kids this
00:37:23 --> 00:37:25 is what's going on are they going to
00:37:25 --> 00:37:28 take my children from me
00:37:28 --> 00:37:30 and again he guaranteed me don't worry
00:37:30 --> 00:37:33 about it he was like what do you need
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34 now mind you at the time I'm living with
00:37:34 --> 00:37:38 my fiance at that time and I'm pregnant
00:37:38 --> 00:37:40 and he's like I said well I need an
00:37:40 --> 00:37:42 apartment of my own whatever you can do
00:37:42 --> 00:37:44 I'm pregnant so they know I'm not doing
00:37:44 --> 00:37:46 any drugs I'm not drinking I'm not you
00:37:46 --> 00:37:48 know I'm working a regular ninet to5 I'm
00:37:48 --> 00:37:52 not dancing so all of that was good and
00:37:52 --> 00:37:55 um he said give me 30 days I got you
00:37:55 --> 00:37:58 long and behold he he was a man of his
00:37:58 --> 00:38:01 words he did everything that he could do
00:38:01 --> 00:38:05 to help me everything and he did it
00:38:05 --> 00:38:07 everything Furniture an apartment every
00:38:07 --> 00:38:11 he did everything and um from that day
00:38:11 --> 00:38:13 forward you know I did deal with other
00:38:13 --> 00:38:16 things I did go back to dancing here and
00:38:16 --> 00:38:17 there you know but I did go to school I
00:38:17 --> 00:38:19 wasn't I went my mother took me out of
00:38:19 --> 00:38:22 school so they would in know that I was
00:38:22 --> 00:38:24 pregnant by him she didn't want they
00:38:24 --> 00:38:25 didn't want me talking to anybody so
00:38:25 --> 00:38:28 they took me out of school and so I went
00:38:28 --> 00:38:31 enrolled back in school got my GED I
00:38:31 --> 00:38:34 went to college you know I I'm like I'm
00:38:34 --> 00:38:35 going to break this I didn't know
00:38:35 --> 00:38:37 generational curses then but the Lord
00:38:37 --> 00:38:41 let me know you I was set on I'm going
00:38:41 --> 00:38:44 to break this cycle I will not repeat
00:38:44 --> 00:38:46 this cycle my kids will not grow up like
00:38:46 --> 00:38:50 I did and so long and behold I now I'm
00:38:50 --> 00:38:51 like I'm like the L the Lord was pulling
00:38:51 --> 00:38:54 on me with certain things you know like
00:38:54 --> 00:38:56 he was really pulling on me with certain
00:38:56 --> 00:38:59 things and recently just dealing with I
00:38:59 --> 00:39:01 say about two years ago going through
00:39:01 --> 00:39:05 some things um I had a a very uh great
00:39:05 --> 00:39:08 business and everything just crumbled
00:39:08 --> 00:39:10 from that marriage everything was just
00:39:10 --> 00:39:13 crumbling you know but God was like that
00:39:13 --> 00:39:15 one
00:39:15 --> 00:39:18 day I heard I heard his voice before I
00:39:18 --> 00:39:20 didn't know that was him you know come
00:39:20 --> 00:39:24 on come on time I bought I said you have
00:39:24 --> 00:39:26 I can't do it I'm about to check myself
00:39:26 --> 00:39:29 into a mental is institution I had toxic
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30 people around me what people don't
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31 realize is when you deal with that much
00:39:31 --> 00:39:35 trauma you have so many spirits on you
00:39:35 --> 00:39:38 you have the Spirit of Rejection this
00:39:38 --> 00:39:40 pleasing you know people pleasing people
00:39:40 --> 00:39:43 you got you you don't think anything of
00:39:43 --> 00:39:46 yourself you know and a lot of times
00:39:46 --> 00:39:48 self-esteem all of that all of it and
00:39:48 --> 00:39:51 and you're battling your own demons but
00:39:51 --> 00:39:54 yet you smiling on the outside but yet
00:39:54 --> 00:39:56 you are so broken and lost and confused
00:39:56 --> 00:40:00 on the inside yes and that I I I know
00:40:00 --> 00:40:02 the Lord was talking to me now that I
00:40:02 --> 00:40:05 look back a lot of time and I know he he
00:40:05 --> 00:40:07 kept me from so many different things
00:40:07 --> 00:40:10 you know because as said happened
00:40:10 --> 00:40:12 throughout my life even after that it's
00:40:12 --> 00:40:14 happened to me several times you know I
00:40:14 --> 00:40:16 experimented with drugs and alcohol that
00:40:16 --> 00:40:18 could have took me out of here accidents
00:40:18 --> 00:40:20 from drinking and driving like so many
00:40:20 --> 00:40:23 different things but he kept me here for
00:40:23 --> 00:40:28 a reason and long and behold like that
00:40:28 --> 00:40:30 this one day you know and I don't know
00:40:30 --> 00:40:32 if it's okay if I speak about this when
00:40:32 --> 00:40:34 you're dealing with sexual trauma you
00:40:34 --> 00:40:36 know and you look on your bloodline too
00:40:36 --> 00:40:38 with it it's on the bloodline but when
00:40:38 --> 00:40:40 you deal with sexual trauma you have
00:40:40 --> 00:40:41 that Spirit of perversion of
00:40:41 --> 00:40:45 masturbation and on graphy and on me
00:40:45 --> 00:40:48 that it was on me so much that I had a a
00:40:48 --> 00:40:50 whole bag full of toys and I'm being
00:40:50 --> 00:40:53 very transparent here you know because
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54 I'm saying that this helped
00:40:54 --> 00:40:57 somebody and I wanted to let it but I
00:40:57 --> 00:41:00 couldn't let it go it was times that I
00:41:00 --> 00:41:02 would wake up in the middle of the night
00:41:02 --> 00:41:05 not knowing why doing it you know what I
00:41:05 --> 00:41:07 mean but it was a spirit who wanted to
00:41:07 --> 00:41:09 connect you have spouse spirits that
00:41:09 --> 00:41:11 will be jealous of your
00:41:11 --> 00:41:15 husband so I'm intimate with my husband
00:41:15 --> 00:41:17 but it wasn't pleasing enough because
00:41:17 --> 00:41:19 the spirit wanted me to be in like how
00:41:19 --> 00:41:21 now I got to be intimate with this
00:41:21 --> 00:41:23 spirit and you don't realize that but
00:41:23 --> 00:41:24 it's
00:41:24 --> 00:41:27 true I'm now I'm doing this and I'm like
00:41:27 --> 00:41:28 I don't want to keep doing this this is
00:41:28 --> 00:41:30 I'm there's no pleasure now now there's
00:41:30 --> 00:41:32 no pleasure of me doing it I'm just
00:41:32 --> 00:41:34 doing it it even got to the point where
00:41:34 --> 00:41:37 these that that succubus and inabus they
00:41:37 --> 00:41:38 succubus they want you to turn off the
00:41:38 --> 00:41:41 lights and you got to set the mood for
00:41:41 --> 00:41:43 the spirits you know what I'm saying
00:41:43 --> 00:41:47 it's a real deal and one day I'm clean I
00:41:47 --> 00:41:48 get up early in the morning to get the
00:41:48 --> 00:41:49 kids ready for school and I and I was
00:41:49 --> 00:41:52 going to do it like I would normally do
00:41:52 --> 00:41:55 and I heard the Lord say throw them away
00:41:55 --> 00:41:57 come on who in the name who talking to
00:41:57 --> 00:42:01 me cuz it was so clear it was like loud
00:42:01 --> 00:42:03 throw them away and I just ignored it I
00:42:04 --> 00:42:07 didn't do it though so I take a shower
00:42:07 --> 00:42:09 I'm making breakfast I'm getting kid and
00:42:09 --> 00:42:11 all I'm keep hearing throw it away throw
00:42:11 --> 00:42:13 it away throw it away and I just go in
00:42:13 --> 00:42:15 the room and I just pack them all up
00:42:15 --> 00:42:18 throw them and I just take them and I
00:42:18 --> 00:42:19 just put them over the garbage can and I
00:42:20 --> 00:42:22 just release and I'm telling you the
00:42:22 --> 00:42:24 Lord know y the God's honest truth when
00:42:24 --> 00:42:28 I did this and to release the bag
00:42:28 --> 00:42:32 a whole weight of just released off of
00:42:32 --> 00:42:35 me broke off I go to work and I'm like
00:42:35 --> 00:42:39 what was that like it was a sense of
00:42:39 --> 00:42:42 just like I was able to
00:42:42 --> 00:42:44 breathe and I feel like the Lord was
00:42:44 --> 00:42:46 like because of you heard my voice now
00:42:46 --> 00:42:48 you know my voice let me try
00:42:48 --> 00:42:51 this and the next thing you know it was
00:42:51 --> 00:42:53 he told me to do something else now mind
00:42:53 --> 00:42:54 you I still don't know that this is the
00:42:54 --> 00:42:56 Lord I'm just this voice is now starting
00:42:56 --> 00:42:59 to become familiar to me because I'm
00:42:59 --> 00:43:02 hearing his voice more than once and I'm
00:43:02 --> 00:43:06 realizing something is up here and the
00:43:06 --> 00:43:07 more he started talking to me one day I
00:43:07 --> 00:43:10 just went drinking and everything you
00:43:10 --> 00:43:13 know I was drinking smoking weed having
00:43:13 --> 00:43:16 edible smoking cigarettes vaping and I
00:43:16 --> 00:43:18 wind up I wanted to stop I just didn't
00:43:18 --> 00:43:20 know how to because that was my coping
00:43:20 --> 00:43:23 mechanism that was how I coped with my
00:43:23 --> 00:43:25 traumas with
00:43:25 --> 00:43:27 alol it's a number
00:43:27 --> 00:43:30 you know and not not that I'm glorifying
00:43:30 --> 00:43:32 it but it is it is what it is you're a
00:43:32 --> 00:43:34 total different person they call it
00:43:34 --> 00:43:36 Spirits for a reason a whole another
00:43:36 --> 00:43:38 Spirit dwelled within me that I didn't
00:43:38 --> 00:43:40 have to worry about that little girl
00:43:40 --> 00:43:42 anymore that little girl so I was able
00:43:43 --> 00:43:45 to be the party girl and have fun what
00:43:45 --> 00:43:48 people like to do right because I was
00:43:48 --> 00:43:50 able to the little hurtful girl with the
00:43:50 --> 00:43:54 alcohol and I'm drinking and it was me
00:43:54 --> 00:43:56 and my husband's anniversary and I'm
00:43:56 --> 00:43:58 like I'm not going to drink and why do I
00:43:58 --> 00:43:59 take him to a beer fest and I'm saying
00:43:59 --> 00:44:02 I'm not going to drink I get there and
00:44:02 --> 00:44:05 what do I do I get drunk now prior to
00:44:05 --> 00:44:07 this every time I started to drink a
00:44:07 --> 00:44:08 little bit I would get sick and I'm like
00:44:09 --> 00:44:10 I'm a horse when it comes down to
00:44:10 --> 00:44:12 drinking like I can get down like how am
00:44:12 --> 00:44:16 I getting sick and I got so sick and I I
00:44:16 --> 00:44:18 went to go take a shower that morning
00:44:18 --> 00:44:21 and I'm just crying out to the Lord that
00:44:21 --> 00:44:25 day that that day was my full
00:44:25 --> 00:44:27 Deliverance not a cigarette
00:44:27 --> 00:44:33 not not a edible not no desire nothing
00:44:33 --> 00:44:36 he it was like all he look for is for us
00:44:36 --> 00:44:38 to really cry out to him and no there's
00:44:38 --> 00:44:41 no way you could go I Tred being a
00:44:41 --> 00:44:43 Catholic I Tred being with women I tried
00:44:43 --> 00:44:46 the drugs I tried the alcohol I had the
00:44:46 --> 00:44:48 six seven figures I had no money I mean
00:44:48 --> 00:44:52 I've I've had it so that song when it
00:44:52 --> 00:44:53 says searched all over and couldn't find
00:44:53 --> 00:44:56 nobody that is my Anthem because I
00:44:56 --> 00:44:58 literally did I searched everywhere
00:44:58 --> 00:45:01 looking for that I tried the yoga I
00:45:01 --> 00:45:04 tried the crystals I tried all of that
00:45:04 --> 00:45:08 stuff I've tried it I've tried it yes
00:45:08 --> 00:45:10 and and it didn't bring anything but the
00:45:10 --> 00:45:12 enemy wants a he wants something else he
00:45:13 --> 00:45:14 wants something you gota you got to
00:45:14 --> 00:45:16 search for something higher let's say
00:45:16 --> 00:45:19 that right I crumbled every time I felt
00:45:19 --> 00:45:21 good like yeah this is good and guess
00:45:21 --> 00:45:22 what next thing you know I
00:45:22 --> 00:45:25 crumble and this past year year and a
00:45:25 --> 00:45:27 this past year and a half going on two
00:45:27 --> 00:45:30 years that the Lord has I've surrendered
00:45:30 --> 00:45:32 I've surrendered okay I've surrendered
00:45:32 --> 00:45:35 it to him and and what that looks like
00:45:35 --> 00:45:36 because a lot of people like well what
00:45:36 --> 00:45:38 does that mean it's like I literally
00:45:38 --> 00:45:41 like Lord this all yours here's the bags
00:45:41 --> 00:45:43 I packed it all up and here it is and
00:45:43 --> 00:45:44 that doesn't mean that we don't make
00:45:44 --> 00:45:46 mistakes or we don't but what I'm
00:45:47 --> 00:45:49 learning in those moments is that I
00:45:49 --> 00:45:52 refuse to allow my flesh to overpower my
00:45:52 --> 00:45:55 spirit the Lord brought me too far for
00:45:55 --> 00:45:57 me to give up now
00:45:57 --> 00:46:00 and I look back and I'm like Lord only
00:46:00 --> 00:46:02 you could have done this there's no way
00:46:02 --> 00:46:04 that I could have done this on my own
00:46:04 --> 00:46:07 sense and power you know like and it I I
00:46:07 --> 00:46:09 really truly like fasting and praying is
00:46:09 --> 00:46:15 dying to the flesh truly like there
00:46:15 --> 00:46:16 there he took away the trauma and the
00:46:16 --> 00:46:20 hurt I saw my mom and when I first saw
00:46:20 --> 00:46:22 my mother I'm not gonna lie y'all I I
00:46:22 --> 00:46:25 used to have dreams or I used to talk to
00:46:25 --> 00:46:28 myself on how I wanted to to harm her
00:46:28 --> 00:46:30 you know like I hated her that and
00:46:30 --> 00:46:32 that's I know hate is a strong word but
00:46:32 --> 00:46:35 I did oh and I mean I would think of the
00:46:35 --> 00:46:38 things that I wanted to do to this woman
00:46:38 --> 00:46:41 and when I saw her for the first
00:46:41 --> 00:46:44 time which was a while ago that was one
00:46:44 --> 00:46:45 thing with him that's when he was living
00:46:45 --> 00:46:49 because he's deceased now and I told her
00:46:49 --> 00:46:51 like come with me and she refused like
00:46:51 --> 00:46:53 that's you know you're you're cursed
00:46:53 --> 00:46:54 you're never going to be blessed that's
00:46:54 --> 00:46:57 what she's saying to me and it hurt but
00:46:57 --> 00:46:58 I walked away and left came back to
00:46:58 --> 00:47:01 Jersey that's when his wife died and
00:47:01 --> 00:47:03 then it was only them two living and
00:47:03 --> 00:47:05 then not too long ago before coming to
00:47:05 --> 00:47:08 the Lord I see my mother
00:47:08 --> 00:47:10 again and
00:47:10 --> 00:47:14 um it was it was weird but you know she
00:47:14 --> 00:47:17 apologized but I knew that it was it was
00:47:17 --> 00:47:20 to pacify me but in a way the little
00:47:20 --> 00:47:22 girl Emy just needed to hear that word
00:47:22 --> 00:47:25 sorry yes yes girl em me still needed to
00:47:25 --> 00:47:27 hear that it's not my choice to say
00:47:27 --> 00:47:29 whether it was sincere or not I do
00:47:29 --> 00:47:31 believe it's sincere I just think that's
00:47:31 --> 00:47:34 the her saying she's sorry but the
00:47:34 --> 00:47:37 spirits of are dwelling within her are
00:47:37 --> 00:47:40 not and the Lord had to take me on this
00:47:40 --> 00:47:43 journey of forgiveness he had to take me
00:47:43 --> 00:47:46 on this journey of come on what it looks
00:47:46 --> 00:47:49 like to really forgive and when we
00:47:49 --> 00:47:51 realize that we're not fighting I'm not
00:47:51 --> 00:47:55 fighting my mother I'm my siblings
00:47:55 --> 00:47:56 because you know I don't have a
00:47:56 --> 00:47:58 relationship with them so I'm not
00:47:58 --> 00:48:01 fighting them right I'm fighting the
00:48:01 --> 00:48:03 spirits that are dwelling within them
00:48:03 --> 00:48:06 that's what it is and I know my thing is
00:48:06 --> 00:48:09 to go hard in prayer I pray for my
00:48:09 --> 00:48:12 mother I pray for my family that before
00:48:12 --> 00:48:14 the Lord takes them from this Earth that
00:48:14 --> 00:48:16 they have surrendered their lives unto
00:48:16 --> 00:48:19 him I have to be obedient to the Lord I
00:48:19 --> 00:48:21 there may be a day where I have to take
00:48:21 --> 00:48:22 care of my
00:48:22 --> 00:48:25 mother and what am I do turn my back no
00:48:25 --> 00:48:27 because I shall honor my mother and my
00:48:27 --> 00:48:31 father come on that looks like days will
00:48:31 --> 00:48:32 if they molested you then that means
00:48:32 --> 00:48:34 that you don't take care of them no he
00:48:34 --> 00:48:37 said honor thy mother and thy father and
00:48:37 --> 00:48:39 my days my
00:48:39 --> 00:48:42 days I'm gonna be good with the Lord you
00:48:42 --> 00:48:44 know what I mean I my goal is not to
00:48:44 --> 00:48:46 honor my mother in the sense of what
00:48:46 --> 00:48:48 does she want me to do right because
00:48:48 --> 00:48:50 he's my heavenly father everything is
00:48:50 --> 00:48:53 for a reason I personally feel like the
00:48:53 --> 00:48:55 Lord has blessed them to be my par we
00:48:56 --> 00:48:57 don't get to question who our parents
00:48:57 --> 00:49:00 are going to be the Lord already knew he
00:49:00 --> 00:49:02 what was going to happen in our lives
00:49:02 --> 00:49:05 way before we was even born he knew you
00:49:05 --> 00:49:07 before you was even in conceived in your
00:49:07 --> 00:49:10 mother's womb so he already knew this
00:49:10 --> 00:49:12 but he also knew that I was going to be
00:49:12 --> 00:49:14 the one to come here and break the
00:49:14 --> 00:49:15 generational curses that are on a
00:49:15 --> 00:49:19 bloodline the addic the molestation the
00:49:19 --> 00:49:22 rape the the women in the family who
00:49:22 --> 00:49:24 feel like they have to be enticing that
00:49:24 --> 00:49:26 that spirit that Jezebel spirit you know
00:49:26 --> 00:49:28 what I mean that's lingering in the
00:49:28 --> 00:49:29 family and I'm not talking about my
00:49:29 --> 00:49:32 family I think each per everybody has
00:49:32 --> 00:49:34 these things we all have it we all have
00:49:34 --> 00:49:36 something that we have to break yes and
00:49:36 --> 00:49:38 it's just like what is it it could be
00:49:38 --> 00:49:40 sicknesses it could be illnesses you
00:49:40 --> 00:49:42 know what I mean there's no way I'm not
00:49:42 --> 00:49:43 even gonna get into all of that part but
00:49:43 --> 00:49:45 you know we see these things going
00:49:45 --> 00:49:47 through our bloodline and it's just
00:49:47 --> 00:49:49 natural that's a spirit that's dwelling
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51 within our family bloodline now what you
00:49:51 --> 00:49:54 GNA do about it that's right I found out
00:49:54 --> 00:49:57 that my my grandmother and and this one
00:49:57 --> 00:50:00 and that one all they was practicing you
00:50:00 --> 00:50:01 know not knowing because they I didn't
00:50:01 --> 00:50:02 know they were from Louisiana the Lord
00:50:02 --> 00:50:04 just started revealing things to me my
00:50:04 --> 00:50:07 family's from Louisiana they they
00:50:07 --> 00:50:09 practice you know witchcraft you know
00:50:09 --> 00:50:11 the the voodoo walking backwards
00:50:11 --> 00:50:13 throwing salt behind a back and doing
00:50:13 --> 00:50:16 this and lighting this candle and that's
00:50:16 --> 00:50:18 another thing that I didn't talk about
00:50:18 --> 00:50:23 is that this pastor was also into
00:50:23 --> 00:50:25 witchcraft I gotta I keep stopping you
00:50:25 --> 00:50:26 when I say that because I want y'all be
00:50:26 --> 00:50:29 clear when she say he came disguise as a
00:50:29 --> 00:50:32 man of God as a pastor but he was not a
00:50:32 --> 00:50:36 pastor no he wasn't a pastor because I'm
00:50:36 --> 00:50:37 gon tell you why I do that I'm gonna
00:50:37 --> 00:50:39 tell you why I do that a lot of f a lot
00:50:39 --> 00:50:41 of folk a saved and they look for a
00:50:41 --> 00:50:43 reason to come and and criticize the
00:50:43 --> 00:50:45 church because there are some people
00:50:45 --> 00:50:47 walking in Integrity but that's why you
00:50:47 --> 00:50:48 can't leave your children everywhere and
00:50:48 --> 00:50:50 you got to be mindful who you let pour
00:50:50 --> 00:50:51 into you and speak to you and I just
00:50:51 --> 00:50:54 want to say this real quick bu in my
00:50:54 --> 00:50:56 spirit because I want to run this is
00:50:56 --> 00:50:58 most Qui I probably ever have been
00:50:58 --> 00:50:59 sitting here because I got all these
00:50:59 --> 00:51:02 emotions going on and I see Apostle in
00:51:02 --> 00:51:04 the comments and she's like oh my
00:51:04 --> 00:51:05 goodness you've been all in my book and
00:51:05 --> 00:51:06 you read my books I'm have to get you a
00:51:06 --> 00:51:09 copy of her book um she's been on the
00:51:09 --> 00:51:11 show one thing that you said that I
00:51:11 --> 00:51:13 think is important I don't want anybody
00:51:13 --> 00:51:14 to miss
00:51:14 --> 00:51:18 this she heard the voice of the Lord and
00:51:18 --> 00:51:20 she did the first time she didn't listen
00:51:20 --> 00:51:23 but the next time she heard the Lord and
00:51:23 --> 00:51:25 she knew that it was the Lord's voice
00:51:25 --> 00:51:27 she responded
00:51:27 --> 00:51:28 see it's more than just hearing the
00:51:28 --> 00:51:32 voice of God are you going to respond
00:51:32 --> 00:51:34 because that's where the blessings come
00:51:34 --> 00:51:37 are you going to respond and walk in
00:51:37 --> 00:51:38 faith and do what God has called you to
00:51:38 --> 00:51:40 do when she said she released it from
00:51:40 --> 00:51:42 her hands see sometime we got to release
00:51:42 --> 00:51:44 some things we have to be able to
00:51:44 --> 00:51:46 release some things and once you let
00:51:46 --> 00:51:49 open your hand and you release it then
00:51:49 --> 00:51:50 the Lord is going to command the
00:51:50 --> 00:51:52 blessing he's going to bless you because
00:51:53 --> 00:51:55 you were faithful and because you heard
00:51:55 --> 00:51:57 the Lord and you respond it but you got
00:51:57 --> 00:51:59 to move in this and and I was seeing
00:51:59 --> 00:52:00 Abraham when you were saying that and
00:52:01 --> 00:52:04 Abraham moved from Faith to Faith from
00:52:04 --> 00:52:06 Faith to Faith one step at a time and
00:52:06 --> 00:52:08 that that was your whole life Lord you
00:52:08 --> 00:52:10 know what okay I'm G drop the bag on
00:52:10 --> 00:52:12 this right here but I'm GNA need you to
00:52:12 --> 00:52:14 help me over here okay Lord I'm sick
00:52:14 --> 00:52:15 today I'm G drop the bag on this right
00:52:15 --> 00:52:17 here and I'm gonna need you to help me
00:52:17 --> 00:52:20 over here and as he continued to move he
00:52:20 --> 00:52:22 was showing you his love he was showing
00:52:23 --> 00:52:25 you his love each and every step of the
00:52:25 --> 00:52:28 way because he knew that you needed you
00:52:28 --> 00:52:31 needed to be able to take your
00:52:31 --> 00:52:34 time to go through this process so you
00:52:34 --> 00:52:36 can stand see we can't rush into things
00:52:36 --> 00:52:38 right we we want to rush in but he
00:52:38 --> 00:52:40 listen he was like I'm gonna make sure
00:52:40 --> 00:52:42 that you you strong you forward tough
00:52:42 --> 00:52:43 and I'm gonna keep giving you this and
00:52:43 --> 00:52:45 I'm I'm G keep people that came into
00:52:45 --> 00:52:47 your life even talked about the
00:52:47 --> 00:52:49 gentleman and I hope you went back and
00:52:49 --> 00:52:50 found him girl and to show him who you
00:52:50 --> 00:52:52 are today because he is going to be so
00:52:52 --> 00:52:55 amazed at who you become and he plays a
00:52:55 --> 00:52:57 big part in
00:52:57 --> 00:52:58 and I gotta tell you my testimony one
00:52:59 --> 00:53:01 day but it's not my day and I'm telling
00:53:01 --> 00:53:02 you you should go back and find him and
00:53:02 --> 00:53:04 tell him listen look what you did look
00:53:04 --> 00:53:05 at my kids is so beautiful and
00:53:05 --> 00:53:10 successful oh worker yes yes I have I
00:53:10 --> 00:53:12 reached out to him oh okay okay good I
00:53:12 --> 00:53:15 had to I had to stalk I had to stalk
00:53:15 --> 00:53:18 like find out where he was at but I did
00:53:18 --> 00:53:21 and you don't find you don't find many
00:53:21 --> 00:53:23 people but I just know it was definitely
00:53:23 --> 00:53:25 Divine through the Lord working and and
00:53:25 --> 00:53:29 his hands was definitely in the midst of
00:53:29 --> 00:53:32 it all and when I look back now a lot of
00:53:32 --> 00:53:33 times when we go through things we find
00:53:33 --> 00:53:35 we think we give up on the Lord we give
00:53:35 --> 00:53:37 up on Christ right because we feel like
00:53:37 --> 00:53:39 he wasn't there well why would I why
00:53:39 --> 00:53:41 would he let me go through that like he
00:53:41 --> 00:53:42 ain't really you know because people
00:53:42 --> 00:53:44 would say that to me how do you still
00:53:44 --> 00:53:47 say that I was I was a Believer I didn't
00:53:47 --> 00:53:48 have a relationship with Christ let me
00:53:48 --> 00:53:50 say that that's good I was a I didn't
00:53:50 --> 00:53:53 have a relationship with Christ and so
00:53:53 --> 00:53:55 people would be like oh I don't see how
00:53:55 --> 00:53:57 you still you went through that and and
00:53:57 --> 00:53:59 I'm like well you know God kept me you
00:53:59 --> 00:54:03 know that's what I would say and they
00:54:03 --> 00:54:04 like I don't know how you could believe
00:54:04 --> 00:54:06 in God and you know you're gonna go
00:54:06 --> 00:54:07 through all of that and back then I
00:54:07 --> 00:54:09 didn't know how to respond to that of
00:54:09 --> 00:54:12 course yeah but like now it's
00:54:13 --> 00:54:18 like I see I see it all so much clearer
00:54:18 --> 00:54:21 on the wise right you can see how he
00:54:21 --> 00:54:25 kept you I can he showed me he show he
00:54:25 --> 00:54:27 showed me every time that I thought that
00:54:27 --> 00:54:30 he wasn't there he was there he when he
00:54:30 --> 00:54:33 showed me that I balls like a snot
00:54:33 --> 00:54:36 toddler like um for Martin when he was a
00:54:36 --> 00:54:40 little kid rof and snot that was I was
00:54:40 --> 00:54:42 crying I'm like Lord you you really was
00:54:42 --> 00:54:45 there when I thought that you wasn't you
00:54:45 --> 00:54:47 kept me and a lot of times too I think
00:54:47 --> 00:54:50 that we blame the Lord oh God this or
00:54:50 --> 00:54:52 the devil this and sometimes it's
00:54:52 --> 00:54:55 decisions make we everything ay and
00:54:55 --> 00:54:59 everything is not on God God free will
00:54:59 --> 00:55:03 to make decisions and our blessings are
00:55:03 --> 00:55:04 in our
00:55:04 --> 00:55:08 obedience and I just find that like now
00:55:08 --> 00:55:10 it's like Lord I I don't want to move
00:55:10 --> 00:55:12 out of the will of the Lord anymore Lord
00:55:12 --> 00:55:14 where do you want to go who do you need
00:55:14 --> 00:55:17 whatever you need to do if he doesn't
00:55:17 --> 00:55:20 say yes I can't do it that's right
00:55:20 --> 00:55:22 that's right right even though it looks
00:55:22 --> 00:55:24 a little I don't know about that I'm
00:55:24 --> 00:55:25 going to do it because when you look in
00:55:25 --> 00:55:27 the word of God
00:55:27 --> 00:55:29 everybody that he would tell to do
00:55:29 --> 00:55:31 things they did it they just did it not
00:55:31 --> 00:55:35 knowing what it was like you know like
00:55:35 --> 00:55:37 but guess what they saved they saved
00:55:37 --> 00:55:40 Nations they didn't save a person they
00:55:40 --> 00:55:43 saved Nations Nations you know and so
00:55:43 --> 00:55:46 like we are built today when we're being
00:55:46 --> 00:55:48 obedient unto him we're Saving Nations
00:55:48 --> 00:55:51 and this is the time to save Nations
00:55:51 --> 00:55:53 this is not just about me and my home
00:55:53 --> 00:55:57 that's my No called us to do bigger and
00:55:57 --> 00:56:00 greater things and to think that I could
00:56:00 --> 00:56:01 never share this testimony years ago
00:56:02 --> 00:56:03 without balling and
00:56:03 --> 00:56:05 snotting
00:56:05 --> 00:56:09 but with love and I really love I want
00:56:09 --> 00:56:11 to make that very clear like I love my
00:56:11 --> 00:56:14 mom I love my father you know I even had
00:56:15 --> 00:56:16 to have love for this man even though
00:56:16 --> 00:56:19 he's gone and the reason why because I
00:56:19 --> 00:56:22 want the Lord to forgive me so if I want
00:56:22 --> 00:56:24 the Lord to forgive me I can't forgive
00:56:24 --> 00:56:27 them 5% because that's what that's right
00:56:27 --> 00:56:29 that's right that's right vengance is
00:56:29 --> 00:56:31 mine Saye the Lord he didn't it's not
00:56:31 --> 00:56:34 sans's vengeance is his so whatever he
00:56:34 --> 00:56:36 whatever and I'm not wishing bad but
00:56:36 --> 00:56:40 whatever the venges are that's on them
00:56:40 --> 00:56:41 they have nothing to do with
00:56:42 --> 00:56:44 me if I'm gonna pick up my cross and
00:56:44 --> 00:56:47 follow him daily part of me picking up
00:56:47 --> 00:56:51 that cross is forgiveness come on and I
00:56:51 --> 00:56:54 want to stop right there because I want
00:56:54 --> 00:56:55 I I know you talked about it I want just
00:56:55 --> 00:56:58 to be clear for those that are listening
00:56:58 --> 00:57:01 because this story of Triumph is about
00:57:01 --> 00:57:04 the power of
00:57:04 --> 00:57:07 forgiveness and you know there there's
00:57:07 --> 00:57:12 nothing that is uh a unforgivable sin
00:57:12 --> 00:57:14 right
00:57:14 --> 00:57:17 but sometimes people do things to us and
00:57:17 --> 00:57:18 we like I don't know how I'm gonna
00:57:18 --> 00:57:21 forgive you for that you know you know I
00:57:21 --> 00:57:22 don't know how I'm gonna forgive you now
00:57:22 --> 00:57:23 listen I can forgive that but I don't
00:57:23 --> 00:57:25 know how I'm gonna forgive this and you
00:57:25 --> 00:57:27 just said it how the Lord said if if you
00:57:28 --> 00:57:30 don't forgive then I can't forgive you
00:57:30 --> 00:57:32 and there is power in forgiveness and I
00:57:32 --> 00:57:34 want y'all to know that forgiveness is a
00:57:35 --> 00:57:37 process and even as she was telling the
00:57:37 --> 00:57:39 story and I hope you go back and watch
00:57:39 --> 00:57:42 the replay and you can hear her process
00:57:42 --> 00:57:44 of forgiveness and the first part of her
00:57:44 --> 00:57:46 process was telling her
00:57:46 --> 00:57:49 truth and being able to testify about
00:57:49 --> 00:57:50 her truth when she could sit in that
00:57:50 --> 00:57:52 room with all those people and she can
00:57:52 --> 00:57:55 tell her Truth For the First Time and
00:57:55 --> 00:57:57 somebody heard heard truth that was the
00:57:57 --> 00:57:59 first moment of being free so I want you
00:57:59 --> 00:58:02 to know that your testimony will set you
00:58:02 --> 00:58:05 free you are Overcomers by the words of
00:58:05 --> 00:58:08 your testimony that's how you overcome
00:58:08 --> 00:58:10 so she was an overcomer that day when
00:58:10 --> 00:58:11 she sat there in that room and somebody
00:58:11 --> 00:58:14 asked her for the first time and wanted
00:58:14 --> 00:58:16 to hear what she had to say and she was
00:58:16 --> 00:58:17 able to walk in
00:58:17 --> 00:58:22 truth Walking In Truth sets us free yes
00:58:22 --> 00:58:24 amen so I just wanted to I want y'all to
00:58:24 --> 00:58:25 be encouraged today if you're going
00:58:25 --> 00:58:27 through through anything uh if you've
00:58:27 --> 00:58:30 been through anything uh uh uh not even
00:58:30 --> 00:58:33 like this this this this this might be
00:58:33 --> 00:58:35 you know anything at all whatever it may
00:58:35 --> 00:58:38 be I want you to know that there is
00:58:38 --> 00:58:41 power in forgiveness because I want to
00:58:41 --> 00:58:42 go back real quick I I know we like go
00:58:42 --> 00:58:45 over our time today y'all it's okay it's
00:58:45 --> 00:58:47 snowing outside y'all got nothing to do
00:58:47 --> 00:58:49 let me tell you I want you to know I
00:58:49 --> 00:58:51 think we slipped over this we we skipped
00:58:51 --> 00:58:53 by it you said it but I wanted to make
00:58:53 --> 00:58:57 real clear her fiance was her neighbor
00:58:57 --> 00:58:59 down the street that she grew up with
00:58:59 --> 00:59:01 right so the Lord had blessed her with a
00:59:01 --> 00:59:06 man who loved her and her children so
00:59:06 --> 00:59:08 what what was a neighbor so might not
00:59:08 --> 00:59:11 have known then but he knew and still
00:59:11 --> 00:59:14 married her and took her her children
00:59:14 --> 00:59:16 and raised them as his own God will
00:59:16 --> 00:59:19 restore it all yes amen God will restore
00:59:19 --> 00:59:23 he's a restore he will restore it all so
00:59:23 --> 00:59:25 he restore her and not just not only did
00:59:25 --> 00:59:28 he uh uh come and heal and come and
00:59:28 --> 00:59:32 deliver but he made her whole amen yes
00:59:32 --> 00:59:35 Lord God bless me and and I want to just
00:59:35 --> 00:59:37 I gotta say this to about my husband
00:59:37 --> 00:59:41 that I'm so grateful for right he knew
00:59:41 --> 00:59:44 my traumas he knew what happens you know
00:59:44 --> 00:59:47 not then but you know as we and we tried
00:59:47 --> 00:59:50 to keep it a secret from the kids and he
00:59:50 --> 00:59:53 came in raised them and he even went and
00:59:53 --> 00:59:54 signed the birth certificate to give
00:59:55 --> 00:59:57 them his last name
00:59:57 --> 01:00:00 before they got old enough to
01:00:00 --> 01:00:02 understand and um they have the last
01:00:02 --> 01:00:05 name of the other gentleman or they had
01:00:05 --> 01:00:07 your mother's last name okay father's
01:00:07 --> 01:00:11 name was never on there and so I I just
01:00:11 --> 01:00:13 appreciate that because I it's not many
01:00:13 --> 01:00:16 men that would say okay let's you know
01:00:16 --> 01:00:19 let's go let's go do this and I did tell
01:00:19 --> 01:00:21 my children so my children are aware as
01:00:21 --> 01:00:23 they got older what
01:00:23 --> 01:00:26 happened and I'm just grateful for even
01:00:26 --> 01:00:27 how the
01:00:27 --> 01:00:30 Lord you know how he moved in them
01:00:30 --> 01:00:32 because I was so nervous I felt so
01:00:32 --> 01:00:34 ashamed you know and I just want people
01:00:34 --> 01:00:38 to know like shame will kill you yes
01:00:38 --> 01:00:39 will break you
01:00:39 --> 01:00:42 down and there is nothing Under the Sun
01:00:42 --> 01:00:45 that you need to be ashamed of because
01:00:45 --> 01:00:50 God have you here for a reason he he he
01:00:50 --> 01:00:51 knew what was going to happen but he
01:00:51 --> 01:00:54 doesn't he doesn't have us to feel
01:00:54 --> 01:00:56 shameful he created you to be so
01:00:56 --> 01:00:59 beautiful to be such a light to be love
01:01:00 --> 01:01:01 and like the Lord had to show me what
01:01:01 --> 01:01:04 love is because I didn't know I didn't
01:01:04 --> 01:01:05 get it from my mother I didn't get it
01:01:05 --> 01:01:08 from my father all my relationships was
01:01:08 --> 01:01:11 abusive you know I so I don't know what
01:01:11 --> 01:01:12 love is because my mother would tell me
01:01:12 --> 01:01:14 if a man don't beat you they don't love
01:01:14 --> 01:01:17 you and so I'm getting you know I've
01:01:17 --> 01:01:19 been being physically sexually abused my
01:01:19 --> 01:01:22 whole life and so I remember my husband
01:01:22 --> 01:01:23 telling me if that's what you want from
01:01:23 --> 01:01:26 me I ain't G to do it that's not not me
01:01:26 --> 01:01:30 so you know that was his ultimatum to me
01:01:30 --> 01:01:32 and um you know I just thank him because
01:01:32 --> 01:01:36 my trauma is interfered with my marriage
01:01:36 --> 01:01:38 yeah you know so we we were on a rocky
01:01:38 --> 01:01:41 road and and it was almost about the
01:01:41 --> 01:01:43 signning papers um but again the Lord
01:01:43 --> 01:01:45 came not only did he restore me He
01:01:45 --> 01:01:47 restored my marriage you know now he
01:01:47 --> 01:01:51 goes to church with me you know like
01:01:51 --> 01:01:54 he's um on his own Journey with the Lord
01:01:54 --> 01:01:57 you know learning his own way and it's
01:01:57 --> 01:01:58 just for me to sit here and pray for him
01:01:58 --> 01:02:01 and to be a light you know for him in
01:02:01 --> 01:02:03 his home and just see and so I'm just
01:02:03 --> 01:02:05 grateful for what God is doing and
01:02:06 --> 01:02:09 overall so just to give people some
01:02:09 --> 01:02:11 encourage no matter what it looks like
01:02:11 --> 01:02:12 God
01:02:13 --> 01:02:15 faithful and you not like you see the
01:02:15 --> 01:02:17 light right now because there was times
01:02:17 --> 01:02:18 I never thought I would still the light
01:02:18 --> 01:02:20 I tried to check myself in mental
01:02:20 --> 01:02:22 institutions I wanted to take my life I
01:02:22 --> 01:02:25 mean I it was a lot because I've dealt
01:02:25 --> 01:02:27 with multip essays you know throughout
01:02:27 --> 01:02:29 my life and
01:02:29 --> 01:02:31 so you don't know how you're going to
01:02:31 --> 01:02:33 overcome these things when it's
01:02:33 --> 01:02:35 continually happening to you over and
01:02:35 --> 01:02:37 over you don't trust nobody and so the
01:02:37 --> 01:02:40 Lord was like He restored even that that
01:02:40 --> 01:02:43 that little girl is so like I don't even
01:02:43 --> 01:02:44 know it what happened to me that
01:02:44 --> 01:02:46 happened oh I don't remember that
01:02:46 --> 01:02:47 because that's like the Lord when you
01:02:47 --> 01:02:49 repent he don't know what you're talking
01:02:49 --> 01:02:50 about when you bring it back up again
01:02:50 --> 01:02:52 especially if you never did it again you
01:02:52 --> 01:02:54 know you you repent all right it's
01:02:54 --> 01:02:56 forgiven you know but
01:02:56 --> 01:02:57 that don't me take him you know his
01:02:57 --> 01:03:00 grace and mercy for you know
01:03:00 --> 01:03:04 playing mean um he's just such a
01:03:04 --> 01:03:07 gracious God and this times guys we just
01:03:07 --> 01:03:10 got to go in that closet go in that
01:03:10 --> 01:03:12 bathroom I don't care what going your
01:03:12 --> 01:03:14 car and you just got to really call out
01:03:14 --> 01:03:18 for the Lord and he's listening he's
01:03:18 --> 01:03:20 there like again time that I thought
01:03:20 --> 01:03:22 that he wasn't there I was washing my
01:03:22 --> 01:03:26 dishes one day and it was like a scroll
01:03:26 --> 01:03:27 oh every time I think about it and he
01:03:27 --> 01:03:30 just showing me I was there this time I
01:03:30 --> 01:03:33 was there this time and I'm crying I'm
01:03:33 --> 01:03:37 like I start screaming because I'm like
01:03:37 --> 01:03:39 you was there like you you was there you
01:03:39 --> 01:03:41 know because a lot of times we feel like
01:03:41 --> 01:03:44 we're going through these things alone
01:03:44 --> 01:03:46 yes and I've learned to not say why did
01:03:46 --> 01:03:48 I go through this Lord what is the
01:03:48 --> 01:03:50 lesson that you're trying to teach me in
01:03:50 --> 01:03:52 this season what is it that you want to
01:03:52 --> 01:03:54 because our Disobedience will cause us
01:03:54 --> 01:03:58 to Al like like I said it's not you know
01:03:58 --> 01:03:59 we're not listening we're not hearkening
01:03:59 --> 01:04:02 to the voice of the Lord he he talks to
01:04:02 --> 01:04:05 us but are we listening and a lot of
01:04:05 --> 01:04:08 times like if you're not in your word
01:04:08 --> 01:04:10 it's in there too you know but if you're
01:04:10 --> 01:04:12 not walking with the Lord right now and
01:04:12 --> 01:04:14 you just feel like you got one foot in I
01:04:14 --> 01:04:17 don't know I don't the best thing that I
01:04:17 --> 01:04:20 could say is just talk to
01:04:20 --> 01:04:24 him yes yes yes you know
01:04:24 --> 01:04:26 like I didn't I didn't didn't even real
01:04:26 --> 01:04:28 at some point I I lost my faith in God I
01:04:28 --> 01:04:30 didn't even know I'm like is he even
01:04:30 --> 01:04:33 real yeah like is he even real like you
01:04:33 --> 01:04:35 know maybe what everybody saying is
01:04:35 --> 01:04:38 right maybe he really not real I did I
01:04:38 --> 01:04:40 started to believe that at a certain
01:04:41 --> 01:04:45 point you know but God is based on re
01:04:45 --> 01:04:48 relationship and not religion that's it
01:04:48 --> 01:04:49 it's about
01:04:49 --> 01:04:51 relationship it's about and I think that
01:04:51 --> 01:04:54 that I got away with and don't get me
01:04:54 --> 01:04:55 wrong I go to church like all of that so
01:04:55 --> 01:04:58 I'm not saying it in that sense right
01:04:58 --> 01:05:00 but when you be when you become in
01:05:00 --> 01:05:03 relationship with him he's going to show
01:05:03 --> 01:05:05 you how to love yourself he's going to
01:05:05 --> 01:05:08 show you how to be a mother he's going
01:05:08 --> 01:05:09 to show I had to learn this not to be a
01:05:09 --> 01:05:12 parent out of trauma anymore but now how
01:05:12 --> 01:05:13 to love them the way the Lord wants me
01:05:13 --> 01:05:16 to love them yes fight what they do or
01:05:16 --> 01:05:19 however how to pray for them Lord how to
01:05:19 --> 01:05:21 love my husband the way you want me to
01:05:21 --> 01:05:24 love my husband how do you me to you
01:05:24 --> 01:05:26 know be a wife to him not the way my
01:05:26 --> 01:05:28 husband want me to cuz you know these
01:05:28 --> 01:05:31 dud be having no Lord how you want me to
01:05:31 --> 01:05:33 love him the way you want me to love him
01:05:33 --> 01:05:36 right supposed to love like Christ not
01:05:36 --> 01:05:39 like man you know because you know we'll
01:05:39 --> 01:05:41 be ready to pop off like oh no he did
01:05:41 --> 01:05:43 what did he say that to me because I
01:05:43 --> 01:05:46 know I've been there I've been wan to
01:05:46 --> 01:05:48 and a lot of that comes from what we had
01:05:48 --> 01:05:50 to go through and how we had to survive
01:05:50 --> 01:05:52 when you have to be strong you know when
01:05:52 --> 01:05:54 you grow up in a place where you are
01:05:54 --> 01:05:57 just surviving
01:05:57 --> 01:06:00 it it's it's hard when you have to find
01:06:00 --> 01:06:02 yourself in a place where oh so I don't
01:06:02 --> 01:06:04 have to survive here I can actually sit
01:06:04 --> 01:06:07 here and Thrive you know so being in a
01:06:07 --> 01:06:10 safe place and finding a safe place and
01:06:10 --> 01:06:12 recognizing a safe place where I can
01:06:12 --> 01:06:14 unpack well this is a safe place for me
01:06:14 --> 01:06:17 to come and sit and unpack this baggage
01:06:17 --> 01:06:19 you know and I think it's so important
01:06:19 --> 01:06:22 to to have that especially as women you
01:06:22 --> 01:06:24 know we were talk I was talking the
01:06:24 --> 01:06:26 other day with a group of actually on
01:06:27 --> 01:06:28 the last podcast I was on podcast I was
01:06:28 --> 01:06:30 on and we were talking about being a
01:06:30 --> 01:06:33 nurturer and learning how to nurture and
01:06:33 --> 01:06:35 I was like well I'm not I'm just not I'm
01:06:36 --> 01:06:38 naturally not a nurturer you know I'm a
01:06:38 --> 01:06:40 help I'm the help like you know come on
01:06:40 --> 01:06:43 you if you crying I got tissue and I
01:06:43 --> 01:06:46 need to go who made you cry I gotta fix
01:06:46 --> 01:06:49 it you know uh I I'm coming to fight
01:06:49 --> 01:06:51 with you but I I might forget the hugs
01:06:51 --> 01:06:54 and the kisses so growing up and even
01:06:54 --> 01:06:56 hearing your testimony and knowing that
01:06:56 --> 01:06:59 you didn't have that nurturing place you
01:06:59 --> 01:07:00 know so when you get into a
01:07:00 --> 01:07:02 relationship you have to have a place
01:07:02 --> 01:07:04 where I I'm safe that I can close my
01:07:04 --> 01:07:06 eyes at night you know and wake up and
01:07:06 --> 01:07:09 feel safe when I can you know I I can
01:07:09 --> 01:07:11 unpack here it's okay to tell you my
01:07:11 --> 01:07:13 secrets and they won't be used back
01:07:13 --> 01:07:15 against me it's okay for me to sit here
01:07:15 --> 01:07:17 and to cry in your arms you know and
01:07:17 --> 01:07:19 feel like it's gonna be a safe place
01:07:19 --> 01:07:22 again tomorrow so um I'm sure your
01:07:22 --> 01:07:24 husband understood that assignment they
01:07:24 --> 01:07:27 sound like he's very um laidback type of
01:07:27 --> 01:07:31 guy so I'm feisty one so God blessed me
01:07:31 --> 01:07:33 to haveone that's laidback that's what I
01:07:33 --> 01:07:37 was trying to say
01:07:37 --> 01:07:39 nicely yes you like listen all my life I
01:07:39 --> 01:07:43 had to fight yes living in survival mode
01:07:43 --> 01:07:46 people don't realize that it's it's it's
01:07:46 --> 01:07:48 it could be difficult pulling back from
01:07:48 --> 01:07:51 survival mode and learning to sit back
01:07:51 --> 01:07:55 and just you know relax and relax it's
01:07:55 --> 01:07:57 it's is that let your guard down it's
01:07:57 --> 01:07:59 hard to let your guard down it really is
01:07:59 --> 01:08:01 and one thing though I'm grateful for
01:08:01 --> 01:08:03 that the Lord did do though throughout
01:08:03 --> 01:08:07 my life um he did bless me with mother
01:08:07 --> 01:08:09 figures um and I that I can say that I'm
01:08:10 --> 01:08:12 grateful for each woman that came into
01:08:12 --> 01:08:15 my life my church mom you know somebody
01:08:15 --> 01:08:18 I was dating their mom you know they all
01:08:18 --> 01:08:21 to me some way shape or form and they
01:08:21 --> 01:08:23 all poured a little something into me
01:08:23 --> 01:08:27 yeah you know and um one thing I'm glad
01:08:27 --> 01:08:28 that I did and like I said my mother
01:08:28 --> 01:08:32 wasn't always this I don't want call her
01:08:32 --> 01:08:33 a horrible person but there are things
01:08:33 --> 01:08:37 of my mom that are were good that I do I
01:08:37 --> 01:08:40 did take you know like every Saturday we
01:08:40 --> 01:08:42 would read scriptures and play music and
01:08:42 --> 01:08:45 clean it's just that the enemy will come
01:08:45 --> 01:08:48 to kill steal and destroy and they know
01:08:48 --> 01:08:50 what to use see he knew that my mother
01:08:50 --> 01:08:54 loved the Lord but he also knew that my
01:08:54 --> 01:08:56 mother battled SL self-esteem my mother
01:08:56 --> 01:08:59 thought she ugly duckling out of her
01:08:59 --> 01:09:02 siblings my my mom didn't think much of
01:09:02 --> 01:09:05 herself you know and
01:09:05 --> 01:09:08 um she was young she dated my dad got
01:09:08 --> 01:09:12 married at 16 my dad was older 10 years
01:09:12 --> 01:09:14 older than her so she was a lost person
01:09:15 --> 01:09:16 and when I look I didn't think about the
01:09:16 --> 01:09:18 Lord brought this to my attention when
01:09:18 --> 01:09:20 my mother was dating my mother was
01:09:21 --> 01:09:22 married when she was messing with this
01:09:22 --> 01:09:24 man too she was married to
01:09:24 --> 01:09:27 my but when she was messing with
01:09:27 --> 01:09:30 this fake Prophet fake
01:09:30 --> 01:09:34 Pastor she was only 18 19 years
01:09:34 --> 01:09:37 old so now a child so think about the
01:09:38 --> 01:09:41 manipulation that he played on her too
01:09:41 --> 01:09:43 and so you know these things that's what
01:09:43 --> 01:09:45 I said really talk to the Lord because
01:09:45 --> 01:09:48 he would begin to show you things that
01:09:48 --> 01:09:50 all of these years I never even thought
01:09:50 --> 01:09:53 to even you missed it you missed those
01:09:53 --> 01:09:56 little things yes and like now like I'm
01:09:56 --> 01:09:57 like Lord show me there's times that I
01:09:57 --> 01:10:00 do get up and I'm I do have the enemy
01:10:00 --> 01:10:02 will try to have that anger or something
01:10:02 --> 01:10:04 in me or somebody would tell me oh you
01:10:04 --> 01:10:05 know your mother said this you know
01:10:05 --> 01:10:09 about you two days ago and then I'll I
01:10:09 --> 01:10:11 have to start praying y'all I gotta be
01:10:11 --> 01:10:14 like it's a pro it's a process yes Lord
01:10:14 --> 01:10:16 I forgive her Lord I forgive her Lord
01:10:16 --> 01:10:19 help me clean my heart Lord like those I
01:10:19 --> 01:10:22 there are days that I have to really ask
01:10:22 --> 01:10:24 the Lord to ring my heart out that I
01:10:24 --> 01:10:26 really have to say Lord surrendering
01:10:27 --> 01:10:28 these feelings to you Lord these
01:10:28 --> 01:10:30 thoughts I'm surrendering it to you Lord
01:10:30 --> 01:10:32 clean my mind I gotta listen to gospel
01:10:32 --> 01:10:35 music I Gotta Go on a fast for a couple
01:10:35 --> 01:10:37 of 24 hours you know there's there's
01:10:37 --> 01:10:40 things that so I'm glad that you said
01:10:40 --> 01:10:42 that because forgiveness some people I
01:10:42 --> 01:10:43 was able to walk away and be like all
01:10:43 --> 01:10:46 right you know hey love loss hey gotta
01:10:46 --> 01:10:49 go but then there's some like my mother
01:10:49 --> 01:10:52 my father my siblings those who I really
01:10:52 --> 01:10:56 love that are my family Foundation right
01:10:56 --> 01:10:59 but you know what do I I'mma hold on to
01:10:59 --> 01:11:02 that to keep myself bounded missing your
01:11:02 --> 01:11:03 blessings when you're not able to
01:11:03 --> 01:11:06 release them into the hands of the Lord
01:11:06 --> 01:11:08 that's right his mighty hands my hands
01:11:08 --> 01:11:11 is not his hands and I I truly believe
01:11:11 --> 01:11:14 that the Lord is going to um reconnect
01:11:15 --> 01:11:19 it again I see it but who a restore yes
01:11:19 --> 01:11:21 he's a restorer and you know like I told
01:11:21 --> 01:11:23 the Lord whatever let your will be done
01:11:23 --> 01:11:26 not mine because only I read this in a
01:11:26 --> 01:11:27 book that I'm reading that he said is
01:11:28 --> 01:11:31 the book said we try to know people's
01:11:31 --> 01:11:35 heart but only God knows their heart you
01:11:35 --> 01:11:37 know we could say oh that person is evil
01:11:37 --> 01:11:39 that person is but you don't know their
01:11:39 --> 01:11:41 heart their actions may show you one
01:11:41 --> 01:11:42 thing but do you really know what their
01:11:42 --> 01:11:45 heart the heart of the person the heart
01:11:45 --> 01:11:46 of
01:11:46 --> 01:11:51 person but so and that's I was going to
01:11:51 --> 01:11:53 say that's my my prayer for you and your
01:11:53 --> 01:11:55 family cuz the Lord's going to restore
01:11:55 --> 01:11:57 and he's going to heal you know because
01:11:57 --> 01:12:00 that is his desire the Lord's desire
01:12:00 --> 01:12:02 family un is unit is very important so
01:12:02 --> 01:12:04 his desire is to is to heal us that we
01:12:05 --> 01:12:06 may Prosper even as our souls Prosper he
01:12:06 --> 01:12:08 want us to be healed and behold and he
01:12:08 --> 01:12:09 knows that's going to be something that
01:12:09 --> 01:12:11 definitely is important for you and he's
01:12:11 --> 01:12:13 concerned we with what we're concerned
01:12:13 --> 01:12:15 about he's said you know cast your cares
01:12:15 --> 01:12:18 upon me because I care for you you know
01:12:18 --> 01:12:20 so I'm excited to see what God is going
01:12:20 --> 01:12:22 to do and this is just season and I want
01:12:22 --> 01:12:24 you to know that I know that you had
01:12:24 --> 01:12:28 mentioned you were really um uh
01:12:28 --> 01:12:30 indecisive about telling your testimony
01:12:30 --> 01:12:32 your testimony is going to shake the
01:12:32 --> 01:12:35 Earth it's going to help people you will
01:12:35 --> 01:12:38 be so surprised how many other women
01:12:38 --> 01:12:40 rise up and say you know what I'm G to
01:12:40 --> 01:12:43 share my testimony I'mma go forgive my
01:12:43 --> 01:12:46 parents I'mma go forgive I'm g go find
01:12:46 --> 01:12:48 and make up with my siblings you know
01:12:48 --> 01:12:50 because of the words of your testimony
01:12:50 --> 01:12:52 even though it set you free and this is
01:12:52 --> 01:12:54 helping you this is healing you it's
01:12:54 --> 01:12:56 going to heal somebody else and it's
01:12:56 --> 01:12:57 going to help somebody else to say I
01:12:57 --> 01:12:59 want to get up and I want y'all to know
01:12:59 --> 01:13:01 that if you want to continue or you want
01:13:01 --> 01:13:03 to hear more about her testimony and we
01:13:03 --> 01:13:04 you know we're going to have a
01:13:04 --> 01:13:07 conference on July 12th the bir room
01:13:07 --> 01:13:09 conference I have a couple of other
01:13:09 --> 01:13:10 women that will also be telling their
01:13:10 --> 01:13:12 testimony which may be a little
01:13:12 --> 01:13:15 similar and the conference is really so
01:13:15 --> 01:13:19 we can learn how to
01:13:19 --> 01:13:21 unpack you know as women we have been
01:13:21 --> 01:13:23 told for so long what happens at home
01:13:23 --> 01:13:25 stays at home you know we've been
01:13:25 --> 01:13:28 carrying it a lot of women statistic was
01:13:28 --> 01:13:31 like 85% of women have been essayed um
01:13:31 --> 01:13:34 so it's so important for us to um not
01:13:34 --> 01:13:36 just bring awareness but we need to let
01:13:36 --> 01:13:38 the church be the church we need to get
01:13:39 --> 01:13:40 back to a place in a space that you can
01:13:40 --> 01:13:43 come to the house of God and there are
01:13:43 --> 01:13:45 warriors there are women there are men
01:13:45 --> 01:13:48 there are people in place that will help
01:13:48 --> 01:13:52 you to push to push in this season I
01:13:52 --> 01:13:55 mean True Deliverance I mean a true Del
01:13:55 --> 01:13:56 if you didn't hear the woman of God she
01:13:56 --> 01:13:59 said listen I had to get down on my
01:13:59 --> 01:14:01 knees I had to get down and cry out to
01:14:01 --> 01:14:04 God she had to go into her closet she
01:14:04 --> 01:14:05 sometimes she had to go into her closet
01:14:05 --> 01:14:07 y'all go go back and play it back and
01:14:07 --> 01:14:09 cry out so she had to cry out for her
01:14:09 --> 01:14:11 Deliverance you know it didn't just
01:14:11 --> 01:14:13 happen overnight and sometime we have to
01:14:13 --> 01:14:15 cry out father help me break this off of
01:14:16 --> 01:14:17 me because not
01:14:17 --> 01:14:21 only did the Lord come and bless her
01:14:21 --> 01:14:23 with a family the Lord blessed her with
01:14:23 --> 01:14:26 businesses you know strategy she's a
01:14:26 --> 01:14:28 strategist she's a business owner I mean
01:14:28 --> 01:14:30 she's a creative she has a solid
01:14:30 --> 01:14:31 foundation she raised some children that
01:14:31 --> 01:14:33 are successful I want yall to know that
01:14:33 --> 01:14:36 God will restore Will Repair and because
01:14:36 --> 01:14:38 she was able to walk in forgiveness she
01:14:38 --> 01:14:40 was able to walk in her full Destiny
01:14:40 --> 01:14:42 what keeps us from being who God has
01:14:42 --> 01:14:45 called us to be is living in
01:14:45 --> 01:14:47 unforgiveness that pain and that burden
01:14:47 --> 01:14:49 will keep you from birthing into new
01:14:49 --> 01:14:51 territories and New Dimensions and it's
01:14:51 --> 01:14:53 so important that we would not allow the
01:14:53 --> 01:14:55 enemy to hold us captive the the Gates
01:14:55 --> 01:14:57 of Hell will not Prevail amen we we
01:14:57 --> 01:14:59 going to stand strong together as women
01:14:59 --> 01:15:01 we GNA come together this is our hour
01:15:01 --> 01:15:04 y'all y'all ready we ride at dawn we are
01:15:04 --> 01:15:07 gonna ride we gonna hold the line and we
01:15:07 --> 01:15:11 are gonna fight with one another and can
01:15:11 --> 01:15:13 go ahead yes go ahead sister I gota it
01:15:14 --> 01:15:16 to realize too sometimes the the
01:15:16 --> 01:15:18 forgiveness is not for them right it's
01:15:19 --> 01:15:21 for you it's for you yes sometimes they
01:15:21 --> 01:15:23 also need to hear you don't know what
01:15:23 --> 01:15:24 they're dealing with right you don't
01:15:24 --> 01:15:27 know what has happened to them right
01:15:27 --> 01:15:29 that caused them to be hurt people hurt
01:15:29 --> 01:15:32 people as they say and we don't really
01:15:32 --> 01:15:35 know and I'm not God to judge anybody
01:15:35 --> 01:15:38 but imagine if you forgave just somebody
01:15:38 --> 01:15:39 that you felt like I could not I cannot
01:15:39 --> 01:15:41 forget them now God didn't say you got
01:15:41 --> 01:15:42 to sit down and break bread you gotta
01:15:42 --> 01:15:44 let the Lord bring that together so I'm
01:15:44 --> 01:15:46 not saying come here come everybody in
01:15:46 --> 01:15:50 my house I no we but that feeling of
01:15:50 --> 01:15:51 forgiveness that if I see you hey how
01:15:52 --> 01:15:55 are you I love you you know that's my
01:15:55 --> 01:15:57 genuine feeling that's how I really feel
01:15:57 --> 01:16:00 yes the chains will you will hear the
01:16:00 --> 01:16:04 chains break and fall because the enemy
01:16:04 --> 01:16:07 goal is to steal kill and destroy
01:16:07 --> 01:16:09 destroy it starts up here and it starts
01:16:09 --> 01:16:11 here so if he could get your mind to
01:16:11 --> 01:16:14 have all of these what they did and how
01:16:14 --> 01:16:16 they did it and look and and then you
01:16:16 --> 01:16:18 got this now your heart getting all
01:16:18 --> 01:16:20 ranged up and yeah I can't stand her oh
01:16:20 --> 01:16:22 my go she you know you start doing
01:16:22 --> 01:16:23 because y'all know how we be we be
01:16:23 --> 01:16:26 getting and now you could be like oh no
01:16:26 --> 01:16:29 I love her you know I I'm sorry that
01:16:29 --> 01:16:30 whatever you know when you start to feel
01:16:30 --> 01:16:33 it you gonna be like oh shoot okay and
01:16:33 --> 01:16:34 guess what happens the door that the
01:16:34 --> 01:16:37 Lord has for you the more it goes like
01:16:37 --> 01:16:39 this it goes like this because he has to
01:16:39 --> 01:16:41 trust you with what he's about to open
01:16:41 --> 01:16:42 what he's about to give
01:16:42 --> 01:16:46 you you don't know comes behind what's
01:16:46 --> 01:16:48 behind that door and just your
01:16:48 --> 01:16:50 forgiveness forgiveness is still
01:16:50 --> 01:16:53 unforgiveness is a sin it's no different
01:16:53 --> 01:16:55 than the next sin
01:16:55 --> 01:16:58 so just be mindful of that it's not an
01:16:58 --> 01:17:01 easy thing but with
01:17:01 --> 01:17:03 god with with Christ by your side and
01:17:03 --> 01:17:04 his
01:17:04 --> 01:17:08 guidance he will make easy he can make
01:17:08 --> 01:17:09 it he can make something and I'm
01:17:09 --> 01:17:12 speaking from experience baby because I
01:17:12 --> 01:17:14 the the way I felt towards my mother I'm
01:17:14 --> 01:17:16 not gonna lie um and I I just want to sh
01:17:16 --> 01:17:20 I went on a a 3day fast of just like
01:17:20 --> 01:17:22 helping me to I had a list I still got
01:17:22 --> 01:17:25 the list I had a list of like this of
01:17:25 --> 01:17:28 people that have all my life has been
01:17:28 --> 01:17:31 hurt all my life has been hurt
01:17:31 --> 01:17:34 betrayal and I just started as I'm going
01:17:35 --> 01:17:37 into prayer I just
01:17:37 --> 01:17:40 feel I just feel my heart just you know
01:17:40 --> 01:17:44 be these things from my heart so just
01:17:44 --> 01:17:46 lean on the Lord and not on your own not
01:17:46 --> 01:17:49 on your understanding of it but on the
01:17:49 --> 01:17:51 Lord and He will he will see you through
01:17:51 --> 01:17:53 and I just pray that anybody that that
01:17:53 --> 01:17:55 watches this
01:17:55 --> 01:17:57 uh whether it's today tomorrow you know
01:17:57 --> 01:18:00 a year from now whatever I just pray
01:18:00 --> 01:18:03 that it blesses you to um release the
01:18:03 --> 01:18:06 shackles of the enemy that are when it
01:18:06 --> 01:18:11 comes to um forgiveness anything shame
01:18:11 --> 01:18:12 you know even the shame that you put on
01:18:12 --> 01:18:14 yourself so remember when you forgive
01:18:14 --> 01:18:17 those people you got to forgive yourself
01:18:17 --> 01:18:22 too yourself free amen amen amen amen
01:18:22 --> 01:18:23 y'all we don't got no more time but let
01:18:23 --> 01:18:25 me tell y'all
01:18:25 --> 01:18:27 I want y'all to share this uh podcast
01:18:27 --> 01:18:29 with somebody share it with your friends
01:18:29 --> 01:18:32 with your family if you want to reach
01:18:32 --> 01:18:36 out if you have questions uh for Santa
01:18:36 --> 01:18:38 if you wanted to just give her a shout
01:18:38 --> 01:18:39 out if you want to just tell her thank
01:18:40 --> 01:18:41 you girl for being brave and for
01:18:42 --> 01:18:43 speaking because that thing hit my heart
01:18:43 --> 01:18:45 and you want to give her your testimony
01:18:45 --> 01:18:47 uh Santa how can we reach
01:18:47 --> 01:18:52 you um you guys can reach me at um
01:18:52 --> 01:18:56 befree and sore at gmail
01:18:56 --> 01:18:59 and um my podcast too is I am free
01:18:59 --> 01:19:03 podcast but it's at I amree
01:19:03 --> 01:19:07 88 and um Facebook and all of that too
01:19:07 --> 01:19:09 I'll make sure I drop her podcast
01:19:09 --> 01:19:11 information down in the comments and
01:19:11 --> 01:19:13 make sure y'all subscribe to our podcast
01:19:13 --> 01:19:14 because we are if y'all want more of
01:19:14 --> 01:19:16 this kind of content let us know listen
01:19:16 --> 01:19:18 I enjoyed that content I want more of
01:19:18 --> 01:19:19 this content this content really help me
01:19:19 --> 01:19:23 so that way we know what to bring to
01:19:23 --> 01:19:26 you we G more okay this was we just give
01:19:26 --> 01:19:27 her our testimony I might come back with
01:19:27 --> 01:19:29 mine next time and let her host it but
01:19:29 --> 01:19:32 we G we gonna do more of of these uh uh
01:19:32 --> 01:19:35 group hosting and we might have other
01:19:35 --> 01:19:36 topics that we come and talk about when
01:19:36 --> 01:19:38 we can't find a guest we gonna come
01:19:38 --> 01:19:40 together so that way you and I can come
01:19:40 --> 01:19:41 and we have a moment just to have some
01:19:41 --> 01:19:44 girl talking some but I want y'all to be
01:19:44 --> 01:19:45 encouraged thank you for coming to the
01:19:45 --> 01:19:48 birthing room if you not inspired to
01:19:48 --> 01:19:50 push if you're not inspired and you
01:19:50 --> 01:19:52 still struggling with forgiveness
01:19:52 --> 01:19:53 because I'm G tell you that it's a
01:19:53 --> 01:19:55 struggle it's a struggle I want you to
01:19:55 --> 01:19:59 reach out to me anytime you can inbox me
01:19:59 --> 01:20:01 you can uh leave a message I will call
01:20:01 --> 01:20:03 you I will pray for you and I want you
01:20:03 --> 01:20:05 to know that I can go on and on and on
01:20:05 --> 01:20:06 but I'm going just touch one last thing
01:20:06 --> 01:20:08 because I want yall to be encouraged do
01:20:08 --> 01:20:11 not allow the strongholds to keep you
01:20:11 --> 01:20:13 captive and like Sant said the
01:20:13 --> 01:20:15 strongholds start in your mind it
01:20:15 --> 01:20:17 becomes a thought and that once it's a
01:20:17 --> 01:20:19 thought it starts in your mind you give
01:20:19 --> 01:20:22 birth to it when you come in agreement
01:20:22 --> 01:20:23 with it so you cannot come in agreement
01:20:23 --> 01:20:25 with those thoughts in your mind so put
01:20:25 --> 01:20:27 keep your mind stay on the Lord and you
01:20:27 --> 01:20:30 will have perfect peace amen I know it
01:20:30 --> 01:20:31 sounds easier said than done but keep on
01:20:31 --> 01:20:34 moving be faithful be disciplined and we
01:20:34 --> 01:20:37 always ask Santa I know you said that
01:20:37 --> 01:20:38 and you know what I know you said this
01:20:38 --> 01:20:39 so you could tell me
01:20:39 --> 01:20:44 now I always ask my guests to pray us
01:20:44 --> 01:20:47 out so I normally do it I get came back
01:20:47 --> 01:20:48 on
01:20:48 --> 01:20:52 me I my guest to
01:20:52 --> 01:20:54 pray just say a little prayer a little
01:20:55 --> 01:20:58 prayer okay all right uh father God we
01:20:58 --> 01:21:00 thank you for this day that you have
01:21:00 --> 01:21:03 made Lord God and we are glad and
01:21:03 --> 01:21:05 rejoicing in it I thank you for this
01:21:05 --> 01:21:07 connection between me and my sister here
01:21:07 --> 01:21:10 Lord God on this podcast sharing the
01:21:10 --> 01:21:12 goodness of the most high God we just
01:21:13 --> 01:21:14 thank you for what you are doing in our
01:21:14 --> 01:21:16 lives Lord we ask that each and every
01:21:16 --> 01:21:19 individual that watches this that hears
01:21:19 --> 01:21:21 this Lord that you soften their hearts
01:21:21 --> 01:21:24 Lord do not know you Lord that you bring
01:21:24 --> 01:21:26 them to you this podcast these
01:21:26 --> 01:21:28 testimonies that are being shared Lord
01:21:28 --> 01:21:30 is to exalt your name and to give you
01:21:30 --> 01:21:33 the glory and the honor Lord if you did
01:21:33 --> 01:21:35 it for us you could do it for those who
01:21:35 --> 01:21:37 are watching that are in pain that are
01:21:37 --> 01:21:41 hurting that have unforgiveness shame
01:21:41 --> 01:21:43 addictions Lord God whatever it is that
01:21:43 --> 01:21:45 they're dealing with only you know Lord
01:21:45 --> 01:21:47 and so as they watch this they hear this
01:21:47 --> 01:21:50 Lord no matter when it is from now to 5
01:21:50 --> 01:21:51 years from now whenever it may be Lord
01:21:51 --> 01:21:53 that you just touch them Lord God from
01:21:53 --> 01:21:55 the crown of heads to the Every Soul of
01:21:55 --> 01:21:57 their feasts Lord God give them an
01:21:57 --> 01:22:00 anointing Lord that that only you can do
01:22:00 --> 01:22:02 allow them to know that you are the
01:22:02 --> 01:22:04 almighty God that you are the king of
01:22:04 --> 01:22:06 kings and the Lords of Lords and that no
01:22:06 --> 01:22:09 one else can do it but you Lord God I
01:22:09 --> 01:22:10 pray that they surrender their lives
01:22:10 --> 01:22:13 unto you Lord that each and every bag
01:22:13 --> 01:22:15 that they have that they that they give
01:22:15 --> 01:22:17 it to you to unpack Lord because we
01:22:17 --> 01:22:20 cannot do it without you and Lord I just
01:22:20 --> 01:22:23 thank you for your healing I thank you
01:22:23 --> 01:22:24 for your deliverance I I thank you for
01:22:25 --> 01:22:27 your unconditional love father Joy Lord
01:22:27 --> 01:22:30 that you just bring Lord and even when
01:22:30 --> 01:22:32 the times are hard we know that you are
01:22:32 --> 01:22:35 there with us Lord helping to unpack
01:22:35 --> 01:22:37 these things that we call life and they
01:22:37 --> 01:22:39 show up Lord but we know with you that
01:22:39 --> 01:22:41 you're are guiding you're preparing us
01:22:41 --> 01:22:43 Lord God for whatever it is that you
01:22:43 --> 01:22:46 want us to do in this season allow this
01:22:46 --> 01:22:48 podcast of my sisters Lord God to be a
01:22:48 --> 01:22:51 blessing hundredfold for every each for
01:22:51 --> 01:22:53 herself her family and those who are
01:22:53 --> 01:22:56 watching Lord God multip apply her needs
01:22:56 --> 01:22:59 Lord God her wants 100 fold Lord and we
01:22:59 --> 01:23:00 just give you the praise the glory and
01:23:00 --> 01:23:04 the honor for today in Jesus name amen
01:23:04 --> 01:23:08 amen amen and amen thank you I am so so
01:23:08 --> 01:23:10 grateful that you came on today thank
01:23:10 --> 01:23:12 you for that powerful prayer I want
01:23:12 --> 01:23:14 y'all to know that you can definitely
01:23:14 --> 01:23:17 again watch the replay uh on YouTube you
01:23:17 --> 01:23:19 can watch it my Facebook page until
01:23:19 --> 01:23:21 midnight I'm taking it down y'all g go
01:23:21 --> 01:23:23 YouTube and watch it amen so stay on the
01:23:23 --> 01:23:25 battle as always say little prayer
01:23:25 --> 01:23:26 little power lot of prayer a lot of
01:23:26 --> 01:23:29 power keep on praying keep on pushing if
01:23:29 --> 01:23:30 you don't know the Lord as your personal
01:23:30 --> 01:23:33 Lord and Savior all you have to do is
01:23:33 --> 01:23:35 just welcome him into your heart on
01:23:35 --> 01:23:37 today if you need some assistance you
01:23:37 --> 01:23:38 need some help you need some scriptures
01:23:38 --> 01:23:40 you need someone to talk to reach out to
01:23:40 --> 01:23:42 me and I will be here to make sure that
01:23:42 --> 01:23:45 we can connect and we can push you into
01:23:45 --> 01:23:47 your destiny but until next time y'all
01:23:47 --> 01:23:51 I'm put y'all in the water
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