Ep 387: Importance of Accountability in Dating featuring He Said What Podcast

[00:00:00] Liquor Talk, another new episode starts now. Get them drinks poured up, ladies and gentlemen, because it is Liquor Talk time. We are kicking off the month of August, ladies and gentlemen. Hard to believe 2026 has been rolling as it is. It's already football season. It's already time to send the kids back to school. Tell my parents out there, please don't be so damn hard on them kids when it comes to school. Let them find their thing and do it because you got to think.

[00:00:29] Do you really use your damn education? If you do, more power to you. But a lot of us, we don't because a lot of us don't remember the damn Pythagorean theorem. And also, them kids are blessed because in Florida, they ain't got to deal with the FCAT. But joining me today is a returning guest, ladies and gentlemen. She's the host of the He Said What He Said Network. It's Simply Breeze. She was on Liquor Talk previously and she's back to bless the Liquor Talk again. Joining me from Atlanta, the city where all the black people

[00:00:59] are at, you know, I don't know why Charlotte is trying to claim the city of black Mecca, you know, I don't know why, but it is what it is. Joining me today is Simply Breeze. How you doing today, Breeze? I am great. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be back and I am looking forward to our conversation. Yes, I am looking forward to our conversation. So how has things been going for you since the last time we spoke?

[00:01:26] Oh, life has been lifing, as they say. It's been very busy. I found myself trying to discover that level of peace and balance, which I'm pretty sure you can relate to, where you're not overly indulging into one particular thing, but having a healthy balance.

[00:01:48] So life has been great, though. I have no complaints, you know, a lot of blessings, a lot of lessons, you know, what more can I say? No, I feel you on that. It's been blessings, but a lot of lessons along the way. And then sometimes you're like, when are these darn lessons going to stop, you know, because I'm getting it. But why am I? Sometimes I feel you because I have no why me moments as well, you know, so.

[00:02:11] Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've always heard if you continue to go through the same lesson, then it means that you haven't learned, like you're not picking up what they're putting down. So true. That's true. You know, I guess some lessons got hit differently, you know, so. But for the people that didn't listen beforehand, tell us a little about your platform, the He Said What He Said Network.

[00:02:34] I really do respect it because you really give men a platform to speak and actually listen and you actually listen and comprehend. Because a lot of women I've learned is like they don't really give a damn about what us men think. Oh, man. Not all, not all. But OK, so with the He Said What Network, it's actually a podcast network with several shows. I used to have seven shows up there.

[00:02:59] And so the He Said What podcast was the primary show geared towards asking men things that women wanted to know, but from a male's perspective.

[00:03:10] And interesting enough, what I've come to learn, I have learned a lot of things that men go through, but I've also witnessed a backlash that men experience from other men when they are speaking on things such as vulnerability and expressing emotions.

[00:03:31] You know, they're being called simps if they are, you know, if they are catering to a woman and her niece or her children's niece and he's in that relationship. So I've seen I've seen more support from women supporting men than I have at times men supporting men. So it's very interesting.

[00:03:55] But right now we do have two shows because I like I said, having to find that balance, we had to trim down on a lot of the shows. And so right now we have the Let's Be Honest podcast, which is going to premiere on Wednesday. Just Wednesday. I'll just leave it at Wednesday. And then we have Single and The Coach.

[00:04:19] So Let's Be Honest focuses on having those honest, difficult, challenging conversations where it's really saying to you, let's be honest. Are you really the problem? Because we can't always be the ones where we're the answer and they're the issue. Sometimes we are the problem. And I'm sure you and I will dive more into that in another discussion.

[00:04:45] But that is the mindset of Let's Be Honest, having, you know, being completely authentic and holding yourselves accountable. With Single and The Coach. Single and The Coach is hosted by Coach Tiana and myself. I am the single. She is the coach.

[00:05:05] And she just gives advice and we go over different situations that a lot of people experience in the dating realm where, you know, you might find it challenging to date in Atlanta or date in Miami where, you know, there's so many beautiful singles. What could possibly be the issue where I can't find my person?

[00:05:29] So we dive into those different avenues as well just to give people, you know, information to help them look at their dating from a different perspective. Wow. That is really wonderful. Hey, you know what? Hey, listen. If the coach ever wants to talk to a man, coach a man, hey, I'll be down to sign up because, you know what? People be like, oh, you're in Florida. You're in Tampa. Why can't you find somebody with everybody always moving to Tampa?

[00:05:54] It's like it's complicated, you know, and it's like and people think it's that easy out here, but it really isn't, you know, because if it were easy, a lot of people would not be single if it were easy. And I do agree that sometimes you are the problem. You know, that's something that I can respect. You know, I respect people that can admit when they're the problem because I'm a man. I have no problem admitting I'm the problem, you know, but the problem comes in lying where people will try to use that against you and just beat on you.

[00:06:24] And not give you room to grow. That's where the problem lies, because I have no problem taking accountability. It's people not allowing you to move from that, but they still want to go back to that when they get mad at you. Right. Holding it over your head. So it's like it's almost like saying I forgive you, but I'm going to place it in my back pocket and I'm going to use it against you later on in a conversation or a debate where I feel like I have nothing else over you.

[00:06:52] So, and it's a sad state that people do that, you know, it's like, and there are other things that you can forgive from. Yeah. But I feel like if you're going to hold something over somebody, you need to just cut that person off because I forgive you. But that doesn't mean you have access to me, you know, because in the back of my mind, I'm always going to see that. And some people don't understand that when they say, oh, if you forgive this person, then why don't you undo them? Because I don't want to do them. And those are my boundaries. Right. You got to stay true to your boundaries. So let me ask you this question.

[00:07:21] What is one thing that if you were in a relationship, you would be willing to forgive them, but you would find it very hard to forget and get over it? um I would say if they cheat on me with an ex or if they cheat on me period, because I could forgive, but it'll be very hard to move on because then it's like, what? Cause sometimes I might have that self doubt. Like, what am I not doing for you? Because I know me, I give 110%.

[00:07:51] So it's like, what am I not doing for you that you had to go get from another man? And also, why are you still with me? If you want to go be with this other man, because let's say we go, um, Polly, could you handle it if I had another woman? And some people, they can't handle what they dish out.

[00:08:09] Listen, that, that, that box right there, Pandora's box, when it comes to Polly, Polly is definitely for a certain breed of people. You, a lot of, I feel like a lot of people feel as though they are suited for the polyamory lifestyle until they get into it. Right.

[00:08:36] And I think that people have their own ideas of what polyamory is until they get into it. So it looks fun and it looks like, oh, we can have threesomes and we can open our bedroom doors up. But polyamory is not just based around intimacy. It's based around your partner and you wanting your partner to be happy at the end of the day,

[00:09:04] whether it's with you or whether it's with someone else. You have to be confident. You have to, like, literally, you got to be able to weather that storm. And people aren't built for that. For the simple reason, like we, how we just said, like cheating. If your person cheats on you, it's hard for you to get over that.

[00:09:26] How would you deal with being in an open relationship and not looking at your partner as they're cheating if they choose to entertain someone else within that dynamic? Right. Right. And I had a previous guest that came on recently that they brought it up and they were, like, saying everybody needs to be in polyamory because it's like, you know, we're not meant to just be with one person.

[00:09:51] And it's like, I understand where she's coming from, but at the same time, it's like, it's hard to convince somebody to go to polyamory lifestyle if you don't know it. Because, yeah, like you just said, it's easy to be a part of it when you see because you think it's, oh, I can have this, I can have that. But it's not as easy as people cut out. And you're right. It takes a special kind of person to be a part of that polyamory lifestyle because it ain't for everybody. Listen, I dipped my toe in it real quick.

[00:10:19] I was like, I just want to, no, never mind. Never mind. I don't want to worry about it. I'm done. And then I'm like, it feels like the ditty parties all over again. I'm like, some of them are like, I'll go to some events. I'm like, y'all doing this and that. Okay. Let me go ahead and get my ass about it here because my single ass, I ain't even seen nobody. I'm seeing all the couples and stuff. I don't see no single people. Let me go ahead and exit stage right, you know.

[00:10:48] Listen, they will turn you up, down in all types of ways, but loose. So when you, if anybody out there is interested in polyamory, my advice to you is to do research.

[00:11:06] Create yourself a book and literally just go into one, join one Facebook group that caters to the polyamory lifestyle and just write your notes. Look at the terminology that they're using, how they identify the different dynamics within the polyamory lifestyle. And then research that so that you understand what it is that you're truly looking for.

[00:11:34] But first and foremost, if there's a lot of work that you have to do on yourself, do that first before you jump into anybody's Facebook group. Because when they pull you in there, child, it's a done deal. So, yes, it is. It's definitely a done deal. And you get, you see the mess and they get involved.

[00:11:57] And also, sometimes it's just good to sit back and watch them observe because the same way they do other people is how they're going to do you, you know. Don't let them find out all your tea right there and there because they will put, they're not afraid to put you on blast. And the drama itself within that lifestyle is so much that it will turn anyone away if you don't know what you're getting yourself into.

[00:12:22] And you see, you know, the debates on non-ethical relationships and ethical and hierarchy. And people are like, what? I just thought I could come in here and find a, what do they call them? Unicorn. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I'm learning that that unicorn is, sometimes that unicorn is hard to find or we ain't looking hard enough, you know.

[00:12:51] Because I've had people on this podcast who tell me how they were single, but they went, they were very intentional. They went on dates weekly and stuff. They were dating every day. They were like, they had a system of how they did. And I'm like, okay, you were dedicated to finding your man or dedicated. Because until they, until people find that level of dedication, people just going to stay single because that was crazy. That's a business. That's what that is. Yeah. That's a business. A business of trying to find your person?

[00:13:21] I'm all set. That sounds, that sounds like, that sounds like a headache. That sounds like too much. No. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just like, you know what? Hey, I don't, I don't know if I'm here to go on dates every day of the week and be replying to everybody and then giving people a time limit to kick the, then get rid of them. Yeah. So let me ask you this.

[00:13:44] With that being said, does that make some, if someone is going on dates every day of the week with different people, does that make them intentionally dating? Or is that more so a sport at this point?

[00:14:04] I feel like it depends on the person and also it depends on their mindset as well, because I've read some cases where a person literally went on dates every day of the week because they didn't have enough money for food. They couldn't support themselves. I've heard those stories. And I've also heard the stories of people who will go on dates to intentionally find somebody because they really want to find somebody. So I feel like it's a case by case. I feel like it just depends on the person. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:33] Because I can, I can see that, but also know that I have a life. I can't just be spending out of time. I can't be out here dating every damn day, you know, trying to meet person because that's money we are wasting. As a man, 90% of the time we picking up the tab because we know damn well if y'all pick up the tab, y'all are probably not interested in us. That's not true. Right.

[00:14:59] I think that it's just a lot. I think people overcomplicate dates. And the big debate, of course, is who has to pay. Usually they say the man has to pay. Then they say, well, who's asking who out on the date? It's the person that suggests the date. They have to pay.

[00:15:27] I think that it works differently for different people. But I know myself, I have paid for dates before. But because the guys that I've gone on dates with have been very macho guys, it's almost as if I have to pay on the low so that I don't offend them up front.

[00:15:52] Because I know if I try to pull my purse, pull my wallet out to pay up front, they're going to look at me like, what are you doing? So what I would do is I would just, you know, wait for them to go to the restroom and ask for the tab. Or if I got there early, I would go ahead and slip my card to the bartender first so that, you know, there was no issues later on. But, I mean, it just depends on the person, honestly. Yeah. My question is, what kind of man are you dating? Because it's like, I have no problem with that.

[00:16:21] You know, if you want to pay for a tab, cool. You know, it's like, because I'm just, I'm a free spirit like that. I have no, it doesn't affect me either way because I've been out with people where they done paid the tab and they haven't paid the tab. Some cases worked out and some, it hasn't worked out. So it works out differently. So that's why I'm just like, I'm not egotistical. I'm down to earth like that. So if somebody told me they want to pay for it, hey, go for it, you know.

[00:16:47] I'm not going to stop you from getting your blessing, but just knowing the next spot, I'm definitely going to pick up the tab, you know. I'm okay with going tit for tat, you know, because I'm that kind of person. Yeah. And I think that's, I think that that works. Like I said, it's just a conversation. Am I frozen right now? Yeah, you are frozen a little bit. Yeah. Give me, let me, give me just one second. Cause I've been noticing that. Give me one. Yeah. You're good. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Liquor Talk.

[00:17:16] The more you drink, the better we sound. Shout out to everybody that's tuned in right now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio. Shout out to everybody that's tuned in. We do apologize for this episode freezing up right now. Technical difficulties happening, you know. It's podcasting. It's something we deal with all the time, you know. So shout out to everybody that's been tuned in, that's been locked in with us. We are pushing for 400 episodes. We are definitely on the well on that track to get to 400 episodes.

[00:17:44] So shout out to everybody that's been supporting, that's been locked in. And episode 400 is going to take place live in Tampa, Florida, y'all. It's going to be somewhere. The venue is to be announced. But venue owners, if you're out there listening, talking about venue owners out there, if you're out there listening right now, I'm looking for a venue for episode 400. If you are interested in collaborating, please contact us at LiquorTalkPodcasts at gmail.com or

[00:18:13] Instagram LiquorTalkPodcasts. But to continue the thoughts on the date and things, do what the hell works for you. If you want to pay for the date, cool. If not, cool. You know, you just got to do what it is for the person that you like, you know. And if you like that person, go for it. It shouldn't matter because what I've learned over the years is if it's someone you really like, all that paying for shit, it don't matter. It don't matter who pays for what.

[00:18:41] If you like this person, if you love this person, it doesn't matter who pays for what. That's the one thing I've learned. And another thing I'll tell people also is don't be out here focused on what social media standards have to say, you know. Because social media will ruin your relationships. And certain platforms will ruin your relationships. Not LiquorTalk, of course, because we're here to show love, you know. And we're here to grind and we're here to have healthy conversations that nobody

[00:19:10] don't want to have, of course, while sipping on some liquor. You know, we have those tough conversations here. So you ain't got to worry about that over here because we're not having the conversations that leads you to break up with people. But I will tell you to leave people if they are not doing what they need to do. All right, let's go ahead and bring Brie back in. Hopefully it works this time, y'all. Server, it might be. I don't know if it's the weather out here. Hopefully I'm not getting what you're getting.

[00:19:40] But okay. Yeah, I don't know what's up with the weather, you know. But like I was just telling the people, I really feel like when it comes to paying for dates and stuff, I really feel like it only matters if you don't like the person. People only bring these things up if they really don't like the person. Because if they like the person, who gives a damn? Who pays for what, you know? Right. If anything gets more so, where are we going after this? Like, I don't want to go home yet. Like, let's hang out some more. Yeah.

[00:20:08] And that's what I feel like that's what people fail to realize. It's like, they're not dating people who they like. Because you know what? I would, I respect somebody that'll tell me, hey, I'm just not interested in you compared to me wasting my time with you and knowing damn well you're not interested. Yeah. And I think that, I don't know if not being interested in someone and expressing it is becoming more challenging from a woman's perspective. Because there is a lot of things that we have to deal with.

[00:20:36] But I also feel like it's challenging for men as well. Because are you telling me that you're not interested after you sat here and we've had, you know, several entrees and meals and drinks and, you know, now the night is wrapping up and now you're not interested? Or did you know that you weren't interested at the beginning? Right. And that part, now that part, that's the part where we get frustrated at.

[00:21:02] It's like, you knew damn well you weren't interested before you even sat down. So while you sit down having these meals and we having these conversations, knowing it's not going to go anywhere. Right. And you're kiki-king in my face at the same time. You're kiki-king listening to me laughing at jokes. And then I ask you what's next. And then you just give me this blank stare of, oh, I'm just not into you. I'm like, and that's what will frustrate a man. That's what, from a man's point of view, that will frustrate a man.

[00:21:29] It's like, I done sat up here, you done ate all these entrees, we had all these drinks, and now you telling me, and I tap here, now you tell me you're not interested. Or you will lie and say you are interested, but then the next day when we go home, you text me, hey, I'm just not to enter you. Yeah. That food done settled. And now they're like, okay, he want more now. Yeah. And you want more, and it's like you're not willing to give more.

[00:21:53] But we also know that, and some of y'all women, y'all be having men that have excess to y'all, that they ain't got to do none of that. Yeah. I think it's just a people, it's a person thing. It's an individual thing. Because I feel like it's based on your upbringing. It's based on your values. It's based on you treating people the way that you want to be treated. And it's based on why you're going into dating to begin with.

[00:22:22] If you know that you're not at a state, either mentally, physically, emotionally prepared to give someone the opportunity to get to know you, you know, full heartedly, then you might not need to date right now. And it's making that conscious decision to say, hey, unfortunately, I'm just not there.

[00:22:46] Instead of trying to force the chemistry, force the opportunities, you know, people are just not being real with themselves. And it's pouring over more and more into the dating scene. And we're experiencing a lot of situations where, you know, you could have saved money. You could have saved time. Because time is more valuable than money, right?

[00:23:14] You could have saved all of these heartaches, these lessons, these issues, if you kept it real with yourself first and foremost. If you're not up to it, don't force yourself to go out on a date. Don't force yourself to have to force a connection with someone. Of course, of course. Because, you know what, them forced connections, they lead to burnout real soon. And this ain't like them celebrity couples who are just doing it for the contract, you know. Ain't nobody contracting you. It's not a jail over here.

[00:23:43] If you're not interested, don't waste the time. Because we can get the money back. Yeah, we may complain about the cost, but we can get the money back if you're a hustler, you know. Now, we'll come back to dating in a while, but going to people in relationships, what do you think of people who were at concerts, wilding out and stuff, like being irresponsible?

[00:24:03] Because I saw the story of a lady who spent $20,000 out of the savings account she had with her husband for the VIP experience with Chris Brown. She was on stage dancing with him, kissing on him, just wilding out. But yet, and then when she comes home, her husband has already kicked her out, already done put her stuff out, then kicked it to the curb. So why do people go to these concerts wilding out like this? Now, if you're single, I get it, have at it.

[00:24:33] But people in relationships, though, what the hell are we doing? Yeah, so with that situation, I definitely have questions. And one of the questions being, if the husband was aware that she was going to be taking this money out of their savings account to attend the concert and perform in such a way.

[00:24:56] Because now, if he was aware of that, and, you know, she was still okay going, that would lead me to assume that he was okay with it. But from the sounds of how the story goes, it doesn't sound like he was okay with her performance.

[00:25:14] I do feel like when you are in a relationship, there is a way to conduct yourself because you are a representation of the person you're in a relationship with. And that's a relationship, let alone a marriage. A marriage is completely different. But in a relationship, you can't do and act the ways that you did when you were single. You should not.

[00:25:40] Because you don't know who's watching and you don't know the perception you're giving off to other people if you're in a committed relationship. Now, when you're married, it intensifies. I feel like the level of respect is unspoken. Like, going to a concert to see Chris Brown and Usher is one thing.

[00:26:07] But to partake as if you're single and you've taken how much money out of the savings account? $20,000 out of savings account. You're single. You're moving like a single woman. No. He did the right thing. I would have kicked her out too. That's, that's, no. No. Because you got to understand, her husband has friends. Her husband has family. She has friends. She has family.

[00:26:38] This is going to be the talk of the town. Like, it's already hard for him knowing that she took that money out. But then you sitting here acting a plumb fool on stage for other people to witness. And that's your wife. And you're a man. And now you have to defend yourself against the conversations and what all is being set. Yeah, now that's too much. Yes, that is definitely too much.

[00:27:04] And it's just like, it's like, why do some people even think that this is okay to exemplify this behavior? You know, because you're showing out at a concert. I'm like, for what? Like, this person is going to go around the city. And now you make, you're putting bread in their pocket. But not the record label pocket, I mean. Because, you know, some people with their contracts, you know. It's like, you know, the record label contracts. They get a little bit of everything. But you're doing all this just wild out for what? Because now you've got to come home to, guess what? You might be put out on the street.

[00:27:33] You might have somebody ready to divorce you. Because let it have been the other way around. Let him wild out at a Meg Thee Stallion concert or a Beyonce concert or a Cardi B or Janet Jackson. Or let it have been one of somebody's baddies back in the day. Y'all already know this would be a different story. Right. Yeah. If it's not good for a man to be able to conduct himself in the same light, then the same rules apply to a woman. There's no difference. Like, there's no difference.

[00:28:02] Wrong is wrong. Respect is respect. You have to respect yourself as well as your partner, as well as your relationship. Lord forbid if you got kids, you got to respect the fact that your children might see this. So, yeah. That's insane. Yes, it is insane. And it just goes to show another case that, hey, guess what? Now the men on the, the angry men on the other podcast might be like, yeah, now we got an example of somebody for the streets. She behaving this way.

[00:28:32] I'm like, you giving them ammunition. She don't care. She got her opportunity with Chris Brown. That's all that matters. And it's like, ma'am, it's like all these other women are going to have the opportunity with Chris Brown too. It ain't like you're going home with Chris Brown. So, for you to wild out like that, like you going home with them, knowing damn well you ain't, you ain't going home with them.

[00:28:53] Now, listen, and this is the thing, and I'm glad you said that, because if I was the husband, my thought process would be, what would stop you from sleeping with him had the opportunity arose? Mm-hmm. Of course. Of course. And that, of course, because you know what? And you know, if you get the opportunity, guess what?

[00:29:23] It's on. Because guess what? How many people are going to pass up an opportunity like that, you know, for somebody that they probably have had crushes on or a childhood crush, you know? It's like. Yeah. And if you're going to do all that, you might as well just be single. Don't even waste his first time. Just be single. Yeah. She should have just took that money out of her own bank account. Don't take it out of the savers account, the joint savers account for the family. Yeah.

[00:29:49] And also, you don't know who been putting in more money, because it may have sounded like he been putting in more money, too. You don't know that dynamic either. So, it's like, it's a slap in his face, because you think this little me that you would do this on our joint savings account? And then what are they saving up for? What was it for? A house? A car? Yeah. It's just too many factors and variables. But wrong is wrong. I say respect your relationship.

[00:30:16] And if you feel the urge to jump up on stage and gyrate and all of that stuff on a musician or whomever, then you probably need to take another look at your relationship and see how invested in it you truly are. You really do. You really do. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Liquor Talk. The more you drink, the better we sound. Shout out to everybody that's tuned in right now. Simply, we're going to go to a question we want to answer on your podcast.

[00:30:44] Why do people fail to realize that you are the problem at times? Because in my age, I haven't got to the point of realizing, okay, I've looked back at situations like, yeah, I'm the problem. But guess what? I'm going to improve myself. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. But why do people fail to realize when they are the problem and why they are the problem?

[00:31:04] I think the reason some people fail to realize when they are the problem is because no one wants to sit here and say, take ownership of being the reason why something didn't work out or why something went wrong. Because who wants to wear a failure? Who wants to wear an L on their shoulder? Like, it's easier to point the blame at somebody else and say, well, I'll contribute towards the resolution, but this isn't my fault.

[00:31:32] So I think taking ownership is a tough pill to swallow. And you have to be at that point in your life where you can say, hey, I dropped the ball. I messed up. I can say for myself, a couple years ago, you couldn't get me to admit my wrongs. Because it was like, I'm wrong. No. No, I'm not going to say I was a know-it-all. But I would debate you to death.

[00:31:59] I would try to find a way where it didn't show that it was me. But with growth and doing that inner work, I feel like the reward and just being able to say, hey, I messed up. I'm sorry. That's bigger than anything. But some people just are not there. You're not. If you're not there, that's just what it is. You know, it takes growth. It takes, you know, accountability.

[00:32:29] It takes having to reexamine and look at everything that has occurred and identify what role you played in that. And a lot of people don't want to put in that word. They're like, I know. It's on you. So failing to hold yourself accountable is a reason.

[00:32:48] And then I feel like when it comes to identifying that you sometimes are the problem, it's saying I'm not perfect. Because if I'm not perfect, then something's wrong with me. And who wants something that has issues? Right? You see it on social media.

[00:33:13] Everyone seems when it comes to even these celebrities, they don't have problems in their relationships. It's perfect. It's the ideal relationship. This is how it should go. And then you go to sleep. You wake up. And Megan is dying and is single again. And it's like, wait. No. Like, nobody wants to say what's wrong with her or what's wrong with him.

[00:33:41] So I feel like to have that label as if something's wrong with you, that too is a tough pill to swallow. You know? That's society, though. Yeah. It's society. Sometimes people, y'all got to say fuck society, you know? Because it's like, how are you going to grow from that? And I remember my personal experience. I dated somebody. They were like, I can justify all my actions. Back then, younger me didn't realize this.

[00:34:09] But I was like, I should have cut the relationship off right then and there. Because you know what? You're not going to take. That tells me you're not going to take accountability for your actions when you're wrong. And I should have cut it off right then and there. But, you know, you hope for the best. You know, you hope to see if you can work it out. But the one thing I learned is if you have a person and they set in their ways and they feel how they feel about you, you're not changing their minds. So you got to move on from it. Yeah. And staying too long is a problem because nobody wants to start over.

[00:34:39] No one wants to imagine you're in a relationship with someone for three years. And they come to the family cookout, the family reunion. They're around the family for holidays. And then that next holiday, you have to show up single. You don't want to deal with all of the questions and the digging and the prying as to why it didn't work out. And you guys seem like such the perfect couple.

[00:35:07] And I couldn't imagine what could have went wrong. You don't want to have to answer to all of that. So some people just stick. They just stick in it. And they figure, you know, I'm in it for the long run. But I think staying in a relationship that's unhealthy or is full of toxicity is worse than starting over. Like, at least you get a clean slate.

[00:35:35] At least you get the opportunity to work on yourself and improve in the areas that are needed for the next relationship versus dealing with someone who's only going to drain you and stress you out. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and that's why I don't understand. It's like, why people stay in those situations. It's like, it's okay to move on. It's okay to, you know what, like you said, move on. Start a clean slate, you know, instead of just being miserable.

[00:36:03] And then on top of that, another thing I realize is people will stay complaining about the situation. They always, they vent to their friends about the situation. Their friends will give them the blueprint, tell them what to do. But then some people, they just won't do it. And then they'll get to that, they'll get to that point where they're venting. And guess what? Their friends will be like, I'm listening, but I'm not really listening because, you know, you're not going to do what I'm telling you to do. So, because I'm even like that with some people.

[00:36:30] It's like, I'll vent to, I'll listen to them vent. But then I realize they're not going to do what they say you are because they're not mad enough to leave. And it's just, sometimes I wonder why. So, like, are you just too comfortable in the situation? I think too, they haven't learned the lesson. Like, it's like the teacher giving you the answers to the test, but you still want to know for yourself.

[00:36:55] Like, I still want to know if I write this answer, would I have gotten it right? You know, some people just have to bump their heads several times before they realize that, hey, my friends were right. You know, maybe I shouldn't have spoken to this person or maybe I shouldn't have continued this relationship.

[00:37:15] And honestly, the only thing that we can do as friends is be there for them when they fall and just say, hey, you know, not I told you so. But, hey, I'm here for you. You know, let's let's get it together. We in this. Yeah. Shout out to those friends. Those are your real friends right now because you have some friends like I told you so. I told you so. Hell, I'm not even that friend. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, I was right, but I'm not going to gloat it in your face.

[00:37:41] And I'm not I'm I'm humble enough to know, hey, hey, it happened to me, too. You know, it's like so because I realized that a lot of people would rather stay in a situation or keep people around that don't need to be around for a couple reasons. And I'm like, sometimes y'all got to understand shit don't grow when you're comfortable. It's like when you're uncomfortable, that's when things grow. Yeah, and that's true.

[00:38:04] And you have to find it sounds weird, but you have to find ways to get yourself into uncomfortable scenarios in order to see what it is that you really can withstand. Right. You won't know whether you can grow or, you know, sink or swim if you don't jump in the water. Like you have to jump. You might surprise yourself with what you're capable of doing.

[00:38:30] So I always person I'm like, listen, I never did this before, but I'm gonna try it anyways just to see if I can do it. And once I realized, oh, shoot, I can do it. I'm done with it. Like, OK, I just want to see if I can do it. That's it. You know, but sometimes you have to experience it yourself.

[00:38:51] And I think that's where the positive friendships come into place, because sometimes we know as the strong friends, we know what someone might be able to do and what they might not be able to do. But sometimes it's best that we just take a step backwards and let them learn for themselves. Like they have to learn their lesson because if we come in to try to save them every time.

[00:39:17] When that lesson finally does hit them, it could be very detrimental to their mental. So, you know, it's a tough space to be in as that friend. Yes, it's definitely a tough space to be in. And it's like I've been I've watched people in situations where they didn't call the police on this person, but yet they still let this person come back around. And I'm like, once you get law enforcement involved, that should be the end of the relationship.

[00:39:45] But some people still bring them around. And it's like it's like sometimes I wonder when you're going to learn. It's like watching Maury back in the day, you know, when the same person would bring the same person on for cheating or different. But I'm like, sometimes you wonder when the hell are you going to learn your lesson? That's that Bobby and Whitney love right there. It's like you both are toxic for each other. When is it going to click? Love is love. As they say, love is blind.

[00:40:13] Like, you know, some people are just going to ride it until the wolves fall off. And there's nothing that we can do. Yeah. But like I said, I don't know about you. I've never experienced that love to where I want to stay in a toxic situation, you know, to where I know this is toxic, but it's also good. I've never experienced that kind of love to where I and I don't hope to be in that kind of love because it's like you're going to be because now I might look like a hypocrite. Right.

[00:40:39] I was actually in a toxic relationship where I knew it was toxic. But, you know, I think the thing is with a lot of women, we have the superhero capes and we always feel like we can change. We can fix the person. Just it's something about us. I'm the one. I'm going to be able to change them and make a difference.

[00:41:03] And I realized that, no, this person is draining my energy. And it was to the point where when I did decide to break up with him, I had to reach out to his mom. Like, how do I get him out of my house? And her response was, baby, you ain't got no friends that can put hands on him. That's when I knew, OK, this is toxic.

[00:41:33] Like, this is beyond me. You know, so but it did take, you know, just a few experiences like that with him to realize he's not going to change and I can't change him. He has to want to change for his own good. And I had to leave that relationship where it was because it just it had no beneficial factors whatsoever. It wasn't equally guilt. I feel that.

[00:42:00] And it's like and I hear those situations and I'm just like as a man, it's like I would never. And that's why it's like always whenever I'm with somebody, I never invite myself to stay over, you know, because it's like, hey, I don't I'm not one of these men that will be in a relationship just so I can have a place to stay. I've never been that kind of person. But I will say the one thing I've had to stop doing is dealing with people who just got out of a relationship, who just got out of a marriage, because sometimes they may lean on you while they're hurting.

[00:42:29] But as soon as they start feeling better, they ready to kick you to the curb or they ready to ghost you. I'm like, you know, what's the point in me getting to know you, showing you that, hey, not all men are like that. But then you ready to kick me off to the curb for another stupid motherfucker. And I'm like, you know what? What the fuck? Right. You just it was like you were that person in between the hurt and the healing and you were the welcome mat.

[00:42:56] And once they cleaned their feet off just enough where they could step on a white carpet and not show a footprint, they were like, OK, I'm good. You can go now. Yeah, you definitely have to be careful dealing with people who are freshly out of relationships or people who are in relationships but on the verge of leaving. Because a lot of that energy that they have that they're pulling from their relationship can pour onto you. And next thing you know, you are the superhero.

[00:43:25] You don't want to be the superhero. And you don't want someone to trauma dump on you either, because once they get all of that out of their system, it's on you to get rid of. And now you're having to go through all of this healing and going to see a therapist because of their crap. So, yeah, stay clear away from those people. Listen, if you just got out of a relationship, I need you to be out here at least a year.

[00:43:55] A year. You done did your, you know, your inner works and therapy. And then we can get to know each other. I'm not trying to hear nothing about, no, I'm about to get a divorce. We separated. Nope. Nope. Yeah. You know what? You know what's crazy? I've heard this from other single people that they have married people who are in relationships. They shooting their shots like it's nothing. But you got us single people out here hesitant.

[00:44:20] But these married people, I'm like, what's the point of you being in your marriage if you out here on dating apps? Or you out here at group events on different Facebook group events shooting your shot like you a single person knowing you got a woman at home? I'm like, or knowing you got a man at home. Like, it's like, what the fuck are you doing in your relationship? Listen, let me tell you something. Married people have been the most single people out here in the dating pool.

[00:44:48] You will find more dating people, I mean, more married people in the dating pool than you will singles. And I, too, don't quite understand it other than to sit here and think that for them, they know their partner is not going anywhere because they're married. So it's like a safety net for them. So now I can go outside and I can dip my toe in the pool and I can play.

[00:45:13] And, you know, there's no strings attached until strings get attached and somebody gets pregnant or somebody catches feelings. And then it's like you're bringing the drama to your house. But I honestly, you would have to ask a married person who's out here cheating. What is the intent or the purpose behind dealing with single people when you have your own spouse?

[00:45:43] Like, what are you getting out of it other than some coochie or some eggplant? Yeah, like there's nothing to deal with, you know, because and what many single people don't realize is, guess what? If they leave that person for them, you're going to be looking behind your back. You're going to always be watching your back to see, are they stepping out on me? You're going to be concerned because, you know what they say, you're going to lose them how you get them. So it's like it's just better to steer clear of them.

[00:46:12] But you'll have some single people who are just desperate for attention who will not and they'll just be OK with being a side person. And if you're somebody that's being a side person, it's like I ask myself, do you love yourself? Because if you love yourself, you would not be OK with being a side person. Listen, I don't like sharing nothing. I barely stay. Listen, I don't do good when I'm driving because I don't like people to get in my lane. All right. I'm not sharing nothing at all.

[00:46:42] So and I've been married before, so I definitely understand both sides, you know, being a single person and then being a married person. And it's just as it's greediness, I want to say there's something lacking. Usually it's interesting to say something lacking in the relationship. But sometimes it's not within the non-cheating partner.

[00:47:10] It's within the cheating partner. They themselves lack something and they have to find it outside of their relationship. And that's why they go out and they cheat. They want to either see if they still got it. They want to, you know, see if they're highly desirable or whatever the case may be. I don't honestly feel that a lot of cheating occurs in a marriage when their partner is missing something.

[00:47:38] I feel like if anything, the one cheating is missing something and they're trying to find it outside. Yeah. And it's like there's just no way to justify cheating. Now, some cases I get it's like some cases it's like I see I can see why it happens because maybe the intimacy is not there. Because I know there was somebody who I recently was on their podcast. They brought up like how do people be in sexless marriages? And I'm like that that's the invitation to cheat right there.

[00:48:08] If there's no intimacy, I'm sorry that that's the only time I can be like, OK, I see why they cheated. I don't justify whether you just break up with the person. But if you're going to be in a marriage that's not intimate, then I can understand why the cheating happens. But I still want you just to break up with the person. If you're not getting what you need, then why just string them along as a safety valve? No, let them be free, you know. So that is very interesting because I got to write this down. A sexless.

[00:48:37] Sexless marriage. A sexless marriage. Yeah, shout out. There's different types of relationships that do not involve intimacy. Those are like platonic, right? What is it? Like those would be the platonic relationships if they don't involve intimacy. No, no, no, no. It's another name for it. It's not platonic. But it's like the person doesn't, they're not satisfied sexually with the partner. They're satisfied through the emotions.

[00:49:07] So they are not intimate. They're not sexually or physically intimate with that person. Like they wouldn't mind you going out and being intimate physically with somebody else because that's not where they get their fulfillment or their joy. Like it's, I'm going to find it. I'm going to look it up and I'll tell you. But a sexless marriage, the thing that comes to me when I see that is there's something missing in that relationship. Because as a woman, right?

[00:49:37] If I'm married to a man and I'm not giving him any, there's things that he's not doing. Like let's say I just had a baby. I'm tired. I'm working. At least pick up after yourself. At least try to fill in the areas that I used to do, like I used to cook. You know, I might not be able to cook every day. At least try to help me. Pick up after yourself. Pick your drawers up. Pick your clothes up off the floor.

[00:50:05] I shouldn't have to pick up after you and take care of a baby. See, women get tired when we have to play the role of everybody in the house and the man comes home. And just because he earned the paycheck to pay some bills gives him the right to lay down and just be treated like royalty. We disconnect emotionally. And when we disconnect emotionally, we also disconnect physically.

[00:50:35] Because the thing is, if she's not here and she's not here, her coochie ain't going to get wet. She's not going to be desiring you intimately. If anything, she's going to be laying there like, I'm doing everything in this house and all you want is some coochie? Like we get fed up. And so usually when we get fed up, we get turned off.

[00:50:58] So if you have a woman in the house or a woman that you're in a relationship with and she's not giving you any, your relationship has unspoken problems. And at this point, this is when you need to communicate and find out what's going on. You know, and sometimes women are not going to openly come out and tell you because at the same time, we don't want to come off like we're nagging or we're picking, you know, little fights and nitpicking and all of that.

[00:51:26] We don't want to come off like that. But at the same time, we ain't trying to lay there and give you my, I'm not trying to lay there and give you my body too. Like, so sometimes the easy thing for guys is to just go out and get it elsewhere. But you also got to think about it. If she's not getting it from you, she's also getting it from somewhere else. So both parties are out there doing their own thing and neither one of them are coming together and having that conversation.

[00:51:52] But I guarantee you, especially if you guys live together and out of the blue, she stops being intimate with you. Take a look at what has changed in your household. Are you picking up after yourself? Are you offering to help clean up after dinner, wash dishes, take care of the child so she can go out and do some things? Is she always stuck with the kid if you guys got kids together?

[00:52:18] Because, like I said, when we get turned off here and we get turned off here, down there turned off too. Gotcha, gotcha. Now, I understand all that. But my question does be, what kind of men are y'all okay with living with or that you're saying I do it? Because I feel like some of these habits, you've probably seen them and probably said something to them before it got to the point of being in a relationship. Because even me as a single man, I know the cleanup after myself. I know how to pick up. Hell, I even know how to cook and clean and stuff.

[00:52:47] And also, my thing is, why be with somebody who don't understand the team partner dynamic? And really, that goes for both parties, you know? Why marry somebody who doesn't understand that we're a team in both ways? And just because your income, just because you make all the money, that don't mean you got to still help out? Because this shit gets tiring out here. Well, see, the thing is, it's not always, I think it's called pansexual.

[00:53:14] I got to remember what it's called. The thing is, it doesn't always start that way, right? So it's not like a woman goes into a relationship with a guy who barely cleans up for himself. It's usually, you know, once you get into a relationship and you guys start living together and you get comfortable, especially if a woman is naturally nurturing, she's more than likely going to be the one to wash the dishes, do the cooking, wash the clothes, things like that.

[00:53:43] And I feel like some people will just get used to it happening where little by little, it starts to, you know, they start to fall off. Like, well, I don't need to make the bed. You know, she's going to wash the bed spread and the sheets and stuff, so she's going to take care of that anyways. It gets into the mode of, well, you're already doing it, so why do I have to contribute? And they start slacking on their end.

[00:54:09] But I guarantee you, it's not something that they come in showing those signs. It's a level of comfort that's established throughout the relationship the further you go along into it. Yeah, it's like, I understand that. But as a man that's been doing everything himself, it would be hard. I'm just thinking for me, I know personally, it would be hard for me to get that comfortable to where I'm okay with a woman doing everything, picking up a slack and doing everything like that and not helping out.

[00:54:37] Because I was raised by a single mom who, that's the one thing she stressed about is like, as a man, you need to be doing these things. You can't be letting this woman do everything. It's like, and, you know, and don't get me wrong, I love my mom and all, but there are some things I wish she would talk. But, you know, that's another conversation for another day. But it's like, I just don't see it. You know, I just can't see it right now. I mean, it's out there.

[00:55:00] If somebody is super busy, if their job relies on them heavily, you know, let's say the guy's a police officer. I mean, there's so many different careers that I feel are out there that could contribute towards little by little just falling off. And yeah, okay, I do see platonic relationship, non-sexual bond. I feel like there was something else. There's another one out there.

[00:55:30] That's a lot of me. I know. I'm thinking about it, too, because there's another name for this. Because it's like, for me personally, I don't, I just, I will never understand why. And the lady who mentioned it, she was like, yeah, there's been some people that have been in those kind of relationships. It's like, I don't understand it when you got people in Ocala, Florida, where the old people retirement, they're getting in on their retirement homes at their old ages.

[00:55:53] So if you, at your young age, being in a sexless relationship or marriage, like what the hell are you doing when you got people or the baby movement still getting it on? You know, what the hell are you doing? Listen, like I said, I mean, everybody, I don't think there's a lot of people. Well, I think women can go longer periods of time without being intimate than men.

[00:56:21] Because our intimacy is tied to our emotions. And so like, if we're out here dating, but we don't have an emotional connection to you, then the desire for intimacy is just not going to be there. Whereas for men, you guys have physical organs that, you know, daily reminders, you know. And men are physical creatures.

[00:56:44] So, you know, I think it's a, it takes a little bit more willpower for guys to refrain from being intimate than women. And if you're young and you're going through those hormones, you ain't trying to hear nothing. You're trying to sleep with, slay everything, slay the dragons. Yes. And that's why a lot of those men, they grow up, they get older and they have a whole bunch of baby mamas. And I'm like, bro, you couldn't just put a condom on it? My goodness. Right.

[00:57:13] It's something about that feeling. Listen, for your viewers, I want you guys, if you can come up with that word that I'm trying to think of, put it in the chat. It's the type of relationship that you have where intimacy is not a vital factor. Victor says, you said platonic, right? Yeah. Yeah. He says platonic. Yeah. I can't remember what it's called. It's something sexual.

[00:57:43] Yeah. It's interesting because I'm, I can't think of it either. I didn't know that there was another term for that other than just being a roommate with somebody, you know? That's just my, my roommate. Yeah. There's so many different types. Yeah. So what is something people can do as we're closing because we're in August right now? What can people do to improve dating for 2027?

[00:58:07] So that way we're not having these same conversations over and over again, because some of these conversations, they do feel redundant, but it's a new case every time, you know? We're going to have these conversations over and over, unfortunately. You know, I think my advice would be do what works for you. That's how we can eliminate having these conversations over and over. Don't do what works for me.

[00:58:36] Don't do what works for you. Do what works for you and the person that you're talking to. Don't depend on social media to tell you this is where you guys should be if it's three months, or this is where you guys should be if it's four years. You have to have that conversation with the person you're getting to know, and you have to open up and be vulnerable enough to allow them in, right? Let those guards down.

[00:59:06] Let them down because they have to let the guards down too. Or what are we doing here? Like, what's going on? Do you really want a relationship? But yeah, no. You have to do what works for you and the person that you're going to be in this relationship with. Tune everybody else out. You know, you don't have to go to everybody for help. If you have questions, if you don't understand something, ask them. They're in it with you.

[00:59:35] Nobody can explain better than that person. And if push comes to shove, I mean, if push comes to shove, yeah, push comes to shove, ask ChatGPT. They can give you an unbiased, you know, like they're there. They don't know the other person like that. So, I mean, they can tell you if you're tripping. But truly, talk to your person. Please talk to your person. And yes, talk to ChatGBT as well.

[01:00:03] And also, if you're still unsure, talk to somebody that's been married for 30 or 40 plus years. Talk to the elders that's been married for 30 or 40 plus years or 50 plus years. They've been with that same person for years. You got to talk to the people who are already where you're at, where you want to be. And you got to tune some people out. As long as they have a healthy relationship.

[01:00:29] Because a lot of those 30 and 40 year relationships are simply because that's all they know. And they didn't want to start over. That's what they had to do. A lot of, you hear it all the time. I want that love that my grandparents have. But guess what? Your granddaddy had four families outside of your grandmother. That's true. And they had to stick to it because that's all they knew. So, make sure that they have a healthy relationship. Those 30 and 40 years.

[01:00:58] And not, oh, I'm just dealing with it. That's true. That is so true. So, Simply Bree, I want to thank you for coming back on to the Liquor Talk. And I'm looking forward to being on your platform as well. Coming soon as well. So, tell the people where they can find you. All right. So, you guys can find me across all social media. I keep my handle the same. It is IamSimplyBree.

[01:01:24] And that's S-I-M-P-L-E-E-B-R-E-E. And that's real. And where can people find the podcast? Podcast Network. So, it's He Said What Network. You can find it on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. Try to keep everything the same so it's easy to find. Of course. I feel the same way. Once again, thank you for blessing the Liquor Talk with your presence. I'm looking forward to coming on your platform.

[01:01:53] If you want me to pull up, I have no problem getting a flight to Atlanta. Because Lord knows I would rather deal with the airport than to deal with the Georgia Highway Patrol. You know, because them Georgia Highway Patrol men love them damn Florida tags, boy. But because I know everybody I know from Florida, they say all the time, drop them to Atlanta. Oh, they always get pulled over. So, if I ever come return to Atlanta, better believe I will fly and just deal with the Atlanta airport.

[01:02:21] The headache that is, the headache of Atlanta airport. Rather than getting a super speeder ticket for $500 or $600 and having to come back to the state of Georgia, you know. That's a flight ticket right there. Yeah, that is a flight ticket. Yeah, well, damn. It's pick your poison, though. Exactly. You're more than welcome. Yes, and if you ever come down to Florida, let me know. We'll definitely set something up.

[01:02:48] But in the meantime, y'all look out for that episode where I was on Simply Breeze platform. Because that's coming real soon. But once again, thank you all for tuning in to Liquor Talk. Until the next episode, keep pouring that liquor. Whether it's the brown liquor, the white liquor, the wine, or beer, or whatever you like. Keep pouring and keep moving, y'all. We're pushing for 400, y'all. On the ground, y'all. Peace.