In this episode of the "Talk to Me, Michele" podcast, Michele delves into the complex world of workplace gossip, comparing it to the high school gossip hallways' grown-up version. She tackles those nosy colleagues who have everyone else's name in their mouths, but not for a paycheck. Michele offers insights on maintaining a clean professional reputation and advises on when to speak up or let silence speak for itself. Through listener experiences and engaging storytelling, Michele provides tools to navigate office drama, set boundaries, and avoid getting sucked into unnecessary workplace chaos."
Additionally, Michele responds to a listener's letter seeking advice on shutting out a lingering ex who behaves like a "ghost that won't stay dead." With a blend of humor and practical wisdom, she empowers listeners to remain focused on personal growth and maintain their peace.
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00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 You ever had that one co-worker who acts like your name pays their bills the
00:00:03 --> 00:00:05 way they keep it in their mouth?
00:00:05 --> 00:00:10 Like, if you're that vested, at least cut me a check. Yeah, I'm going there today.
00:00:17 --> 00:00:40 Music.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:27 Talk to me in the shadow On the street lights on the corner So,
00:00:30 --> 00:00:35 City vibes got a story. Feel the beat, don't know me.
00:00:38 --> 00:00:42 Welcome back to the Talk to Me, Michelle podcast, the podcast where we unpack
00:00:42 --> 00:00:46 life, clap back at foolishness, and still manage to keep our jobs and our edges.
00:00:47 --> 00:00:51 I'm your host, Michelle. And today we're talking about one of the messiest viruses
00:00:51 --> 00:00:53 out there. I'm not talking COVID.
00:00:53 --> 00:00:55 I'm talking workplace gossip.
00:00:56 --> 00:00:59 The grown folks version of high school hallways and
00:00:59 --> 00:01:02 bathroom whispers because let's be real sometimes
00:01:02 --> 00:01:05 it's not your performance that's the problem it's your
00:01:05 --> 00:01:08 piece that triggers people so whether you're dodging
00:01:08 --> 00:01:11 petty drama or just trying to clock in collect your
00:01:11 --> 00:01:15 check and mind your business this one's for you we're going to talk about how
00:01:15 --> 00:01:20 to keep your boundaries tight your reputation clean and your mouth shut unless
00:01:20 --> 00:01:24 you're saying something that comes with a paycheck or prayer and y'all already
00:01:24 --> 00:01:29 know before we dive in i gotta read this week's listener letter and it's giving
00:01:29 --> 00:01:31 a ghost story but not the fun kind.
00:01:34 --> 00:01:42 Dear michelle i recently ended things with my ex and honestly it was long overdue
00:01:42 --> 00:01:48 he was manipulative narcissistic and always knew how to twist everything to
00:01:48 --> 00:01:49 make me feel like the villain,
00:01:49 --> 00:01:52 even when I was the one doing all the work in the relationship.
00:01:53 --> 00:01:57 Since the breakup, I've been focusing on myself, healing minding my business,
00:01:57 --> 00:02:02 didn't respond to his last text messages, didn't clap back when he tried to bait me.
00:02:02 --> 00:02:06 But here's the thing, he's still watching all my Instagram stories,
00:02:07 --> 00:02:10 still sending toxic texts, hope you're okay texts like he cares.
00:02:11 --> 00:02:16 I haven't replied to a single one, but it's like he's trying to haunt me through my notifications.
00:02:17 --> 00:02:21 Why won't he go away? Why is he still lingering around like a bad smell?
00:02:22 --> 00:02:27 I'm not responding. I want peace. But how do I keep him out of my energy for good?
00:02:28 --> 00:02:32 First and foremost, congratulations on breaking up with the Gaslight Special.
00:02:32 --> 00:02:36 That alone deserves a standing ovation and maybe a margarita with extra lime.
00:02:36 --> 00:02:41 Now let's talk about this ghost that won't stay dead. Watching your stories,
00:02:41 --> 00:02:43 sending you hope you're okay texts.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:47 He's not checking on your well-being. He's checking to see if you're still broken.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:50 Spoiler alert, you're not.
00:02:50 --> 00:02:56 Now, narcissists hate losing access, not you. So when you went on no contact
00:02:56 --> 00:03:00 and stopped feeding his ego, he started lurking like a raccoon in the trash,
00:03:00 --> 00:03:03 still hoping to snack on your attention. Here's the good news.
00:03:04 --> 00:03:08 Silence is your power. I know it's difficult. Okay, it's difficult.
00:03:08 --> 00:03:13 But every time you don't reply, you're burning his playbook.
00:03:13 --> 00:03:17 Every time you glow up in your stories without tagging him in your healing,
00:03:17 --> 00:03:20 you're reminding him that the access has been denied.
00:03:20 --> 00:03:24 Now, you asked how to get him out of your energy, but you're already halfway there, to be honest.
00:03:25 --> 00:03:29 Now, if you can block him like a spam call, spiritually save your inbox.
00:03:30 --> 00:03:33 Closure isn't something he gives. It's something you claim.
00:03:33 --> 00:03:38 You're not a rehab center for broken men. Let him haunt somebody else's peace.
00:03:38 --> 00:03:42 And if he keeps lurking, just post a story of you living your best life with
00:03:42 --> 00:03:46 the caption, no ghost allowed unless you are paying rent. That's how you win.
00:03:47 --> 00:03:50 Quietly, gracefully, and do not disturb mode.
00:03:51 --> 00:03:56 So let me paint this picture. We at work, trying to mind our business,
00:03:56 --> 00:04:00 keep our blood pressure low, and to make it to payday without committing a felony,
00:04:00 --> 00:04:03 right? These are simple goals.
00:04:03 --> 00:04:07 But then, there's her. The office echo chamber.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:11 The one that always has something to say about everybody else,
00:04:11 --> 00:04:13 but never about herself.
00:04:13 --> 00:04:18 You know the type. Messy for sport, like it's an Olympic event that she's training for gold.
00:04:19 --> 00:04:24 So one day I had to work with her, not by choice. Two of my co-workers had called
00:04:24 --> 00:04:26 in, so the universe said, today's the day, sis.
00:04:27 --> 00:04:31 We're talking, and this woman with her chest full says, yeah,
00:04:31 --> 00:04:35 I think one of them had a real emergency, but the other one, not so much.
00:04:36 --> 00:04:39 Ma'am, you a doctor now? A psychic?
00:04:39 --> 00:04:42 You're diagnosing people's emergencies from your desk?
00:04:43 --> 00:04:46 Look, I sat in it for a minute. I really did, because I don't like people who
00:04:46 --> 00:04:49 run their mouths about stuff they know nothing about.
00:04:49 --> 00:04:53 And all I could do was think, if you're comfortable saying this about them,
00:04:54 --> 00:04:57 what are you going to say if I have to call in?
00:04:57 --> 00:05:02 Mm-mm, nope, not today. So I pulled her aside as a grown woman.
00:05:03 --> 00:05:07 I didn't yell, didn't curse. I just told her, you know, I think that comment
00:05:07 --> 00:05:11 you made about our coworkers not having real emergencies, it was wrong.
00:05:11 --> 00:05:14 That's something that we shouldn't be assuming or spreading.
00:05:15 --> 00:05:20 Simple, clear adulting at its finest, right? Now, let's fast forward a day or two later.
00:05:20 --> 00:05:25 Guess who I'm working with again? The same messy menu. Different day.
00:05:25 --> 00:05:26 And guess what she's doing?
00:05:26 --> 00:05:30 Gossiping about other employees like we just didn't have that conversation.
00:05:30 --> 00:05:34 I said to myself, oh, the conversation just went in one ear and leaked out her
00:05:34 --> 00:05:36 hair follicles. OK, I got it now.
00:05:36 --> 00:05:40 But it gets better. Come to find out she's been telling other people I made
00:05:40 --> 00:05:42 her cry and that she hates me.
00:05:43 --> 00:05:47 Hates me? Baby, the feeling is mutual to the 25th power, okay?
00:05:48 --> 00:05:53 I addressed you like a woman, calmly, respectfully, like someone who doesn't want to end up in HR.
00:05:54 --> 00:05:58 But your big comeback is to go run your mouth to somebody else about me?
00:05:58 --> 00:06:01 Girl, grow up. And let me sprinkle one more layer.
00:06:02 --> 00:06:06 The co-worker she told all this to, I don't rock with her either.
00:06:06 --> 00:06:09 Because if someone feels comfortable bad-mouthing me to you,
00:06:10 --> 00:06:11 that means you didn't shut it down.
00:06:12 --> 00:06:15 You sat there and let them vent like I was trending on Twitter.
00:06:15 --> 00:06:21 So I had to ask this question. Why are people so comfortable talking about me to you?
00:06:22 --> 00:06:25 That says a whole lot more about you than it ever will about me.
00:06:26 --> 00:06:30 And this is the part that sends me every time. I confronted her with words like an adult.
00:06:31 --> 00:06:35 She couldn't handle it, but somehow she's got plenty of mouth when I'm not around.
00:06:35 --> 00:06:39 How you have a whole mouth but no backbone. Make it make sense.
00:06:39 --> 00:06:43 Anyway, back to my business and my piece, because one thing I know,
00:06:43 --> 00:06:47 silence really disturbs the folks who love to live for chaos.
00:06:47 --> 00:06:52 And I don't have the energy to entertain daytime soap operas that don't pay me.
00:06:53 --> 00:06:56 So let's take a moment to break it all the way down because some of y'all are
00:06:56 --> 00:07:00 out here thinking, folks, talk about you because you're doing something wrong.
00:07:00 --> 00:07:04 Hear me loud and clear. It's not about you. It's about them.
00:07:04 --> 00:07:07 Let's go down the messy little checklist, shall we?
00:07:10 --> 00:07:13 Insecurity and jealousy. First of all, gossip is a mirror.
00:07:13 --> 00:07:17 When people are insecure, they start pointing fingers just to avoid looking
00:07:17 --> 00:07:19 in the mirror at themselves.
00:07:19 --> 00:07:24 Since you walk in with all this confidence and frisk twist, a piece in your
00:07:24 --> 00:07:27 spirit, and now suddenly you're a problem.
00:07:27 --> 00:07:30 No, baby, you are just a reminder of what they ain't got.
00:07:31 --> 00:07:36 Boredom and lack of purpose. Look, when folks ain't got nothing else going on,
00:07:36 --> 00:07:39 drama becomes their full-time job.
00:07:39 --> 00:07:43 You're over there finishing your spreadsheets, drinking your water,
00:07:43 --> 00:07:49 and they're at the water cooler building full seasons of the Real Housewives of Cubicle 6.
00:07:49 --> 00:07:53 Bored people stirred the pot just to feel like they got something cooking.
00:07:54 --> 00:07:59 Now here's where it gets spicy. Some folks gossip because they think it gives them power.
00:07:59 --> 00:08:02 They can't lead with skills, so they lead with chaos.
00:08:03 --> 00:08:05 It's manipulative one-on-one.
00:08:05 --> 00:08:09 Let me pit people against each other so I can try to stay in control of the mess I created.
00:08:10 --> 00:08:13 That's not power, baby. That's petty with a title.
00:08:14 --> 00:08:16 Needing validation or attention.
00:08:16 --> 00:08:20 You ever notice how some people can't go a full hour without being in someone
00:08:20 --> 00:08:22 else's mouth or somebody else's business?
00:08:23 --> 00:08:26 They don't feel seen unless they're seen stirring something.
00:08:26 --> 00:08:30 That's not personality. That's emotional hunger. And finally,
00:08:30 --> 00:08:32 some folks just live for drama.
00:08:33 --> 00:08:37 Let's just call it. Some people are not happy unless something's burning.
00:08:37 --> 00:08:41 They thrive in dysfunction because chaos feels so normal to them.
00:08:42 --> 00:08:46 Healing will require accountability, and that's just too much like right.
00:08:46 --> 00:08:50 So next time you catch wind of somebody gossiping about you, don't take it personal.
00:08:51 --> 00:08:56 It's rarely about what you did and almost always about what they lack.
00:08:56 --> 00:08:59 That's why I say let them talk. While they're running their mouths,
00:09:00 --> 00:09:02 keep running your business, your goals, your peace.
00:09:02 --> 00:09:06 Because the loudest one in the room usually is the one doing the least.
00:09:07 --> 00:09:11 Now, this is where we're going to separate the grown women from the drama addicts.
00:09:11 --> 00:09:15 Because here's the truth. You do not have to fight every battle.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:19 Some things aren't even battles. They're just little annoyances and cheap wigs
00:09:19 --> 00:09:20 trying to get your attention.
00:09:21 --> 00:09:24 These are some of the questions you want to ask yourself before you react like
00:09:24 --> 00:09:25 you still got bail money.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:29 Is this actually affecting your work or reputation?
00:09:30 --> 00:09:33 If someone's gossip is interfering with your ability to do your job or making
00:09:33 --> 00:09:36 your name look funny in the emails, that's not petty.
00:09:37 --> 00:09:39 That's professional damage, and it needs addressing.
00:09:40 --> 00:09:43 Are you being sabotaged or just annoyed?
00:09:43 --> 00:09:47 There's a difference between she took my stapler and she tried to throw me on
00:09:47 --> 00:09:48 the bus in front of management.
00:09:49 --> 00:09:53 If it's just annoying, let her keep doing her cartwheels for attention.
00:09:53 --> 00:09:59 If it's sabotage, it's go time. Is this HR worthy or just kitchen table gossip
00:09:59 --> 00:10:01 that'll die by next Tuesday?
00:10:01 --> 00:10:06 And HR is not your personal diary. If this mess is crossing boundaries,
00:10:06 --> 00:10:12 being discriminatory, creating a hostile work environment, then you need to type that email.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:16 Otherwise, just sip your water, flip your bra strap and let it go.
00:10:17 --> 00:10:21 So when do you speak up? You know, and there are times that silence isn't cute.
00:10:21 --> 00:10:26 So this is how you check folks without losing your job, your earrings, or your piece.
00:10:26 --> 00:10:29 Stay factual, not emotional.
00:10:29 --> 00:10:35 Don't give them a performance. Give them a report. On Tuesday, you said this.
00:10:35 --> 00:10:38 This was inappropriate and needs to stop, period.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:43 Use I statements. I felt disrespected when you said whatever.
00:10:43 --> 00:10:47 We ain't out here playing therapist. You got to let folks know you noticed.
00:10:48 --> 00:10:49 And you got the receipts.
00:10:50 --> 00:10:53 And my ride or die advice is always document everything.
00:10:53 --> 00:10:57 Yeah, keep a little petty log if you need to. The dates, the times,
00:10:57 --> 00:10:59 what was said, who was there.
00:10:59 --> 00:11:02 Because when it hits the fan, you're going to need more than vibes.
00:11:02 --> 00:11:05 And when is it better just to ignore the foolery?
00:11:06 --> 00:11:12 Sometimes the best revenge is absolutely nothing. Don't clap back. Don't subtweet.
00:11:12 --> 00:11:15 Don't send that paragraph you wrote in the notes at 2 a.m.
00:11:16 --> 00:11:21 Let them choke, okay? Let them choke on their own mess. Because honestly,
00:11:21 --> 00:11:23 your silence will eat them alive.
00:11:23 --> 00:11:27 They want a reaction, and they want you off balance.
00:11:27 --> 00:11:31 You staying unbothered, that's what really gets under their skin.
00:11:31 --> 00:11:36 Every comment doesn't deserve a comeback. Every jab doesn't require a jab back.
00:11:36 --> 00:11:40 Pick your battles, but never pick a petty one that costs you your peace.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:44 And if they keep poking the bear, remind them, I'm not the one.
00:11:44 --> 00:11:49 I'm a grown woman who knows when to disengage and when to document.
00:11:50 --> 00:11:53 Listen, just because you can drag somebody doesn't mean you should.
00:11:54 --> 00:11:57 We're not trying to match energy. We're trying to preserve ours.
00:11:57 --> 00:12:01 Because if we lost our cool every time somebody said something slick,
00:12:01 --> 00:12:05 we would never have our edges, a paycheck or our piece.
00:12:06 --> 00:12:10 So let's talk about how to keep it classy, cute and unbothered while still handling
00:12:10 --> 00:12:12 business like the boss that you are.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:17 Keep your professionalism intact. That means don't let messy folks bring you
00:12:17 --> 00:12:19 down to their clearance rack behavior.
00:12:19 --> 00:12:24 You can clock them internally, but outwardly, smile, say noted,
00:12:25 --> 00:12:28 then send that email with punctuation and posture.
00:12:28 --> 00:12:32 Remember, your reputation is your resume before your resume even shows up.
00:12:33 --> 00:12:39 Don't entertain or feed the gossip. Every time you just listen on mm-hmm at
00:12:39 --> 00:12:45 the office tee, guess what? you become part of the tea set and then suddenly you're in the story.
00:12:45 --> 00:12:50 Not because you said anything but just because you stayed long enough at the table.
00:12:50 --> 00:12:54 Let folks know I don't do gossip unless it's about celebrity drama or recipes.
00:12:55 --> 00:12:59 Build your own support system at work. Just find people, the quiet ones,
00:12:59 --> 00:13:02 the ones who actually do their jobs and mind their business.
00:13:02 --> 00:13:05 You don't need to be popular. You just need to be respected.
00:13:05 --> 00:13:09 And that one person in the corner who never speaks but knows everything,
00:13:09 --> 00:13:12 that's your HR whisperer. Keep her close.
00:13:12 --> 00:13:18 Document the shady behavior. Look, if they're acting weird, writing slick,
00:13:18 --> 00:13:22 or leaving a trail of unprofessionalism, document it.
00:13:22 --> 00:13:25 Like you're collecting evidence for a Netflix docuseries.
00:13:25 --> 00:13:29 Dates, times, screenshots, emails, even if you don't need it today,
00:13:29 --> 00:13:32 you'll be glad you saved it when the plot thickens.
00:13:33 --> 00:13:38 Confronting private, but stay calm and grown. If you got to say something,
00:13:38 --> 00:13:42 just pull them to the side, not in front of an audience, not with a neck roll.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:44 Take the Beyonce approach.
00:13:45 --> 00:13:50 Graceful, measured, deadly calm. Hey, I just want to clarify something you said
00:13:50 --> 00:13:53 the other day because it came across sideways, and I want to make sure we're
00:13:53 --> 00:13:56 good. Watch their face morph.
00:13:56 --> 00:13:59 Watch the squirming begin, and that's growth.
00:14:00 --> 00:14:04 HR is always an open option. Even if it's just to start a paper trail.
00:14:05 --> 00:14:09 You don't even have to be scared of HR because they are not there just to fire
00:14:09 --> 00:14:12 folks. Sometimes they just need to know that there is a fire brewing.
00:14:12 --> 00:14:17 You don't have to make a whole case. Hey, I just want to share a concern in
00:14:17 --> 00:14:18 case this becomes a pattern.
00:14:19 --> 00:14:21 Now, that's how grown women play chess.
00:14:22 --> 00:14:23 And bossing up doesn't mean clapping
00:14:23 --> 00:14:27 back. It means knowing the difference between a fight and a setup.
00:14:27 --> 00:14:31 You can't protect your energy and your reputation without lowering your standards.
00:14:31 --> 00:14:35 So, no, you don't need to be the loudest one in the room. Just be the one who
00:14:35 --> 00:14:39 doesn't flinch, who doesn't engage, and always has receipts.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:42 Because when the dust settles, a little grown woman wins.
00:14:42 --> 00:14:45 Quietly with the benefits let me
00:14:45 --> 00:14:48 leave y'all with this right here gossip is for
00:14:48 --> 00:14:55 people with nothing to do and nowhere to go i got goals a career bills that
00:14:55 --> 00:15:00 still want to be paid in a life a real one and none of that involves sitting
00:15:00 --> 00:15:03 around talking about people who can't even look me in the eye when they see
00:15:03 --> 00:15:08 me in the hallway if you're gonna speak on my name at least pronounce it right boo,
00:15:09 --> 00:15:13 So to all my grown, glowing, gossip-free women out there, stay unbothered.
00:15:13 --> 00:15:15 Stay booked and protect your peace like it's Prada.
00:15:16 --> 00:15:20 And if you need a little help staying unbothered, go ahead and grab your copy
00:15:20 --> 00:15:25 of Color Me Unbothered, my grown woman coloring book when you want to color,
00:15:25 --> 00:15:29 calm your nerves, and remember that you are too fabulous to fight with fools.
00:15:30 --> 00:15:34 And while you're at it, follow me on all social media at TalkToMeMichelle.
00:15:34 --> 00:15:38 Hit that subscribe button like it owes you money. stream the podcast on your
00:15:38 --> 00:15:43 favorite podcast platform because healing and humor can live in the same episode.
00:15:44 --> 00:15:47 And if you like what I do and want to support the movement buy
00:15:47 --> 00:15:52 me a coffee maybe even three at buymeacoffee.com backslash talktomemichelle
00:15:52 --> 00:15:58 because podcasting is not free and neither is my wifi so until next time keep
00:15:58 --> 00:16:03 your boundaries tight your circle right and your gossip light or non-existent
00:16:03 --> 00:16:05 so until next episode everybody I.
00:16:05 --> 00:16:27 Music.