In this episode of Talk to Me Michele, we dive into the “crab in the barrel” mentality—why we sometimes pull each other down instead of lifting one another up, and the lasting damage it causes emotionally, economically, and culturally.
Michele shares personal stories, historical context, and practical strategies to flip the script: embracing abundance, building mentorship networks, practicing group economics, and collaborating daily to create wealth and legacy.
This isn’t just theory—it’s about real actions you can take now. From supporting Black-owned businesses to mentoring the next generation, discover how small steps can shift us from competition to community.
📖 Grab Your Copy – Color Me Unbothered Coloring Book or Color Me Sassy now available: https://tinyurl.com/TalktoMeMichele
☕ Support the Show – Help keep these unbothered vibes flowing: Buy Me a Coffee
📲 Follow & Connect
-
Instagram: @talktomemichele
-
Facebook: @talktomemichele
-
TikTok: Talk to Me Michele
Stay tuned for more episodes of Talk to Me Michele—where real talk, laughs, and lessons never stop.
00:00:01 --> 00:00:04 Before we jump into today's episode, let me ask you this.
00:00:05 --> 00:00:09 Why is it sometimes, instead of lifting each other up, we pull each other down?
00:00:09 --> 00:00:14 You heard it called the crab in the barrel mentality, and it's been holding
00:00:14 --> 00:00:15 us back for generations.
00:00:15 --> 00:00:19 In this episode, we're diving into why we compete with one another,
00:00:19 --> 00:00:24 how it impacts our community, and most importantly, what can we do to change it?
00:00:24 --> 00:00:28 Because collaboration is the real key to building wealth, peace, and progress.
00:00:28 --> 00:00:41 We'll be right back.
00:00:32 --> 00:01:02 Music.
00:00:41 --> 00:00:46 Talk to me in the shadow On your street lights on the corner,
00:00:49 --> 00:00:54 City vibes got a story Feel the beat, don't ignore me.
00:00:59 --> 00:01:03 Welcome, everybody, and thank you again for tuning in to the Talk to Me, Michelle podcast.
00:01:03 --> 00:01:07 You know I appreciate you showing up, and if you're not subscribed yet,
00:01:07 --> 00:01:08 I don't know what you're waiting on.
00:01:08 --> 00:01:12 So go ahead, hit the subscribe button, share this episode with a friend,
00:01:12 --> 00:01:16 and while you're at it, don't sleep on my latest two coloring books for grown
00:01:16 --> 00:01:21 woman therapy, Color Me Unbothered and Color Me Sassy, both now available on Amazon.
00:01:22 --> 00:01:26 Because, yes, therapy comes in many forms, including a box of colored pencils
00:01:26 --> 00:01:32 and some sass on the page. Now, before I dive in, let me tell you today's topic is in theory.
00:01:32 --> 00:01:38 I'm speaking from experience. I've seen it. I've lived it. And honestly, I'm tired of it.
00:01:38 --> 00:01:44 I'm talking about the crab in the barrel mentality. We see it way too often in our community.
00:01:44 --> 00:01:49 Instead of clapping for each other, we get busy pulling each other back down.
00:01:49 --> 00:01:51 And I hate to say it, but it's true.
00:01:51 --> 00:01:56 If we don't address this, if we keep chasing the spotlight instead of collaborating,
00:01:57 --> 00:01:59 We're not going to last, period.
00:02:00 --> 00:02:04 Here's a quick story for you. As many of you know, I'm preparing to move abroad.
00:02:04 --> 00:02:09 So naturally, I have been joining different expat groups to learn, connect, and share.
00:02:09 --> 00:02:14 And I found a Black-owned Facebook group that seemed perfect for my destination.
00:02:14 --> 00:02:18 I thought, okay, here we go. My people holding it down. I reached out to the
00:02:18 --> 00:02:22 group owner. And let's just say the brush off was strong.
00:02:22 --> 00:02:25 Not even a polite, let me get back to you. Nothing.
00:02:26 --> 00:02:30 Then I tried posting about connecting with someone who already relocated so
00:02:30 --> 00:02:32 I could share their story on the podcast.
00:02:33 --> 00:02:38 The post never got approved. Ghosted. So I reached out directly to her.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:41 I'm like, sis, I'm not trying to hijack your group or take your shine.
00:02:41 --> 00:02:42 I'm literally just trying to collaborate.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:49 Of course, radio silence. And at that point, I said, you know what? Delete, remove, exit.
00:02:50 --> 00:02:54 Because that right there is the crab in the barrel mentality in action.
00:02:54 --> 00:02:58 Like, what's the point of building something that's not supposed to be resourceful
00:02:58 --> 00:03:00 if you're the only one who's allowed to shine?
00:03:01 --> 00:03:05 Newsflash, being stingy with information doesn't make you a star.
00:03:05 --> 00:03:09 It just makes you hard to work with. And that's exactly what we're unpacking today.
00:03:09 --> 00:03:14 Why we keep doing this to each other. More importantly, how can we stop it?
00:03:14 --> 00:03:18 Because the truth is, our community can't afford to keep treating a collaboration
00:03:18 --> 00:03:19 like it's a competition.
00:03:23 --> 00:03:25 Let's go ahead and call this thing what it
00:03:25 --> 00:03:29 is the infamous crab in the barrel mentality the
00:03:29 --> 00:03:34 visual is one crab starts crawling its way out of the barrel and instead of
00:03:34 --> 00:03:39 the other crab saying go ahead girl go live your best life on dry land they
00:03:39 --> 00:03:45 snatch her back down like nope if I can't leave neither can you now it didn't
00:03:45 --> 00:03:48 just come out of nowhere there's history here For generations,
00:03:48 --> 00:03:51 we've been conditioned into this survival mindset.
00:03:51 --> 00:03:56 When resources are limited, jobs, housing, basic respect as human beings,
00:03:56 --> 00:04:01 it has created this twisted idea that only one of us can make it at a time.
00:04:01 --> 00:04:06 And so we learn to compete with each other instead of looking up and realizing
00:04:06 --> 00:04:10 the real fight was the system that put us in the barrel in the first place.
00:04:11 --> 00:04:16 Meanwhile, let's be real. Other communities that also face depression lean into group economics.
00:04:17 --> 00:04:21 They said, cool, you won't let us in your spaces. We'll build our own grocery
00:04:21 --> 00:04:23 stores, our own banks and businesses.
00:04:24 --> 00:04:27 We'll circulate our money 10 times before it leaves our hands.
00:04:27 --> 00:04:31 And here we are sometimes acting like if one black person opens up a coffee
00:04:31 --> 00:04:34 shop, nobody else in town can even sell a cup of tea.
00:04:34 --> 00:04:40 Starbucks exists on every corner of America, but we can't have two black businesses
00:04:40 --> 00:04:41 within the same zip code.
00:04:41 --> 00:04:44 And this isn't just theory. You see it everywhere.
00:04:45 --> 00:04:49 Entertainment industry? Constant beef instead of building labels together.
00:04:50 --> 00:04:54 Workplace dynamics? That co-worker who would rather throw you under the bus
00:04:54 --> 00:04:56 in front of management than clap when you shine.
00:04:57 --> 00:04:59 Family feuds? Don't even get
00:04:59 --> 00:05:02 me started on the cousins who can't stand you because you're doing well.
00:05:02 --> 00:05:05 But they won't admit it because they're mad at their own reflection.
00:05:05 --> 00:05:09 The real question is, why do we fight for scraps instead of just baking more pies?
00:05:10 --> 00:05:14 There's enough flour, sugar, and butter for everybody. But we've been brought
00:05:14 --> 00:05:19 into this myth that there's only one seat at the table, like it's the American
00:05:19 --> 00:05:22 Idol, and we're all auditioning for the same golden ticket.
00:05:22 --> 00:05:27 I'm going to tell you something. There is no one seat. The table isn't even ours.
00:05:27 --> 00:05:30 Build your own table. Bring some extra chairs.
00:05:31 --> 00:05:34 Invite the whole neighborhood. That's how we break this cycle.
00:05:34 --> 00:05:37 Now let's talk about the price tag on all that's competing that we're doing
00:05:37 --> 00:05:42 with each other. The spoiler alert is it's expensive and we can't afford it.
00:05:42 --> 00:05:47 First, the emotional toll. The jealousy alone could raise your blood pressure
00:05:47 --> 00:05:49 without a single salty frying site.
00:05:50 --> 00:05:55 People are out here side-eyeing you like you stole something when all you did was show up on time.
00:05:55 --> 00:05:59 And let's not forget the broken relationships, good connections,
00:05:59 --> 00:06:04 solid friendships, business partnerships that could have been magic. Gone.
00:06:04 --> 00:06:08 All because someone little, little insecurity whisper in their ear.
00:06:08 --> 00:06:11 I don't know how she got that promotion. You know you're better than her.
00:06:11 --> 00:06:15 Instead of being complimentary, we're competitive. And for what?
00:06:16 --> 00:06:20 Half the time, folks aren't even fighting for a real prize, just the spotlight.
00:06:21 --> 00:06:23 Like, that's some type of limited time coupon.
00:06:24 --> 00:06:30 Now, the economic toll is brutal. We miss out on so many opportunities simply
00:06:30 --> 00:06:31 because we won't work together.
00:06:32 --> 00:06:35 And don't get me started on group wealth building, or the lack thereof.
00:06:35 --> 00:06:39 If I had a time machine, I'd go back and sit in on one of the Black Panther
00:06:39 --> 00:06:42 Party's community meetings just
00:06:42 --> 00:06:45 to remind us of what it looked like to collaborate for the greater good.
00:06:45 --> 00:06:50 They were building food programs, schools, and a future for the next generation.
00:06:51 --> 00:06:56 Meanwhile, we are here, and we are sitting on all this creativity,
00:06:56 --> 00:07:00 talent, and brilliance, and we're too busy trying to outshine each other to
00:07:00 --> 00:07:02 realize we could be building empires together.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:08 Legacy, people. Legacy. And then there's the cultural toll.
00:07:08 --> 00:07:11 This is the part that really burns me up because every time we buy into this
00:07:11 --> 00:07:17 crab and the barrel mess, we're reinforcing stereotypes that were planted in us from day one.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:20 Black folks can't work together. They'll never build anything.
00:07:21 --> 00:07:26 And those are lies. But when we act out of programming, voluntary or not,
00:07:26 --> 00:07:28 we make those lies look true.
00:07:28 --> 00:07:33 And then we start believing them ourselves. How many of us have heard or even
00:07:33 --> 00:07:37 told ourselves that we'll never make it because of our size,
00:07:37 --> 00:07:39 our skin tone, or our background?
00:07:39 --> 00:07:44 Those are excuses dressed up as facts. And every time we fall for them,
00:07:44 --> 00:07:46 we hold ourselves back from our own greatness.
00:07:46 --> 00:07:49 So yeah, the cost of competition is way too high.
00:07:50 --> 00:07:55 Emotionally draining, economically bankrupting, and culturally suffocating.
00:07:55 --> 00:07:59 We're out here paying interest on a debt we didn't even sign up for.
00:07:59 --> 00:08:02 Now, here's where we flip the script, because dragging each other down isn't
00:08:02 --> 00:08:05 getting us anywhere but tired and bitter.
00:08:05 --> 00:08:09 We have got to shift our mindset if we want to get out of this crab in the barrel mess.
00:08:10 --> 00:08:13 First things first, we need to move from scarcity thinking to abundance thinking.
00:08:14 --> 00:08:18 And no, I don't mean hoarding crystals, chanting information you don't believe in.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:24 I mean, stop acting like there's only one blessing floating around the atmosphere at a time.
00:08:24 --> 00:08:28 Half the time, the competition we're in only exists in our heads.
00:08:29 --> 00:08:32 Somebody living their life peacefully, minding their business,
00:08:32 --> 00:08:35 and you over there mad because you turned it into an Olympics of who's doing
00:08:35 --> 00:08:37 better. That's exhausting.
00:08:37 --> 00:08:41 Think abundantly. It's healthier. It's peaceful. And honestly,
00:08:41 --> 00:08:44 it will save you money on blood pressure meds.
00:08:44 --> 00:08:48 Next up, celebrating black excellence without comparison.
00:08:48 --> 00:08:52 Listen, it shouldn't physically hurt you to clap for somebody else.
00:08:52 --> 00:08:59 If your hands start itching when you see somebody win, that's a sign you need to heal, not hate.
00:09:00 --> 00:09:05 Imagine how far we'd be if we weren't so busy sizing each other up like a clearance rack at Ross.
00:09:05 --> 00:09:10 When one of us wins, it doesn't mean you lost. It just means the scoreboard
00:09:10 --> 00:09:13 changed for everybody. And then there's collaboration.
00:09:13 --> 00:09:19 Something we desperately need to normalize. Sharing resources, knowledge, platforms.
00:09:20 --> 00:09:23 Look, if you've got a stage, hand somebody else the mic sometimes.
00:09:23 --> 00:09:28 If you've got information, stop acting like it's a top-secret CIA file.
00:09:28 --> 00:09:33 And we all have something to bring to the table and the table only gets better when it's full.
00:09:33 --> 00:09:38 Besides, if you really are the smartest person in the room, congratulations,
00:09:38 --> 00:09:40 but also you're in the wrong room.
00:09:41 --> 00:09:45 Real growth happens when you're learning from other people, not when you're
00:09:45 --> 00:09:47 playing queen bee in a hive of one.
00:09:47 --> 00:09:52 Now let's talk mentorship. This one matters because pulling each other up as
00:09:52 --> 00:09:54 we climb is not optional, but it's necessary.
00:09:55 --> 00:10:00 I'm not the biggest podcast out here, okay? But when someone tells me they subscribe
00:10:00 --> 00:10:04 because something I said hit home, that fuels me to keep going.
00:10:04 --> 00:10:08 And in the same way, I clap loud when my friends hit milestones,
00:10:08 --> 00:10:13 book launches, businesses, graduations, even surviving another Monday.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:19 It all counts because that energy, that support, that's what keeps the cycle moving forward.
00:10:20 --> 00:10:24 And mentorship doesn't have to be formal. It could be a simple conversation,
00:10:24 --> 00:10:29 a shared book recommendation, an introduction to, hey, you might want to check this out.
00:10:30 --> 00:10:33 That tiny act could open up worlds for somebody else.
00:10:33 --> 00:10:36 But you'll never know if you're too busy guarding your little spotlight.
00:10:37 --> 00:10:38 So here's the challenge.
00:10:39 --> 00:10:43 Stop dissing each other. Start lifting each other up. Stop hoarding the keys
00:10:43 --> 00:10:45 and start unlocking some doors.
00:10:45 --> 00:10:49 Believe me, there's enough room out here for everybody to shine.
00:10:49 --> 00:10:53 And if you don't believe that, I hope you enjoy sitting in that barrel because
00:10:53 --> 00:10:55 the rest of us are crawling out.
00:10:56 --> 00:11:00 All right, so we've done enough dragging the problem. Let's talk solutions because
00:11:00 --> 00:11:04 complaining without fixing is just gossip with a fancier outfit.
00:11:04 --> 00:11:10 Let's start with the practical stuff. We need to build a collective business and group investments.
00:11:11 --> 00:11:12 Translation, stop trying to
00:11:12 --> 00:11:17 be the only boss in the room. A team of bosses is how empires are built.
00:11:18 --> 00:11:24 Imagine if instead of competing nail salons, two sisters came together and created a chain.
00:11:24 --> 00:11:28 Now, that's a legacy and it's leverage. That's money that outlives you.
00:11:29 --> 00:11:33 We also need to support networks for creatives, entrepreneurs, families.
00:11:34 --> 00:11:38 Look, life is already hard. Why make it harder by pretending like you don't need help?
00:11:38 --> 00:11:42 A solid support system is a difference between burning out and breaking through.
00:11:43 --> 00:11:48 Then there's group economics. Spend with and amplify Black-owned businesses.
00:11:48 --> 00:11:52 And no, I don't mean only when it's Black History Month or Juneteenth.
00:11:52 --> 00:11:55 I mean a random Tuesday where you're craving coffee.
00:11:55 --> 00:11:59 Try to get it from a Black-owned cafe instead of the same one that you've been
00:11:59 --> 00:12:00 going to and you're losing that on $4.
00:12:01 --> 00:12:06 Let's circulate the dollar in our own community before it sprints off into somebody else's.
00:12:07 --> 00:12:11 Community education is another big one. Financial literacy, leadership,
00:12:11 --> 00:12:13 and yes, mental health support.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:17 We can't build wealth with broke minds, and we can't lead without healing.
00:12:18 --> 00:12:22 So we need spaces that pour our knowledge into us instead of draining us dry.
00:12:22 --> 00:12:25 And let's not forget the power of highlighting success stories.
00:12:26 --> 00:12:30 Toulouse's Black Wall Street is a blueprint. And even today,
00:12:30 --> 00:12:34 there are tech collectives and small businesses proving unity works.
00:12:34 --> 00:12:39 We need to share those wins louder than we share the drama. And let's get personal
00:12:39 --> 00:12:42 because it always starts at home. Check yourself.
00:12:43 --> 00:12:48 Celebrate instead of comparing. Look, I throw a mental party for myself every
00:12:48 --> 00:12:49 time I achieve something.
00:12:49 --> 00:12:54 If I get my laundry wash, dry, folded, and actually put away the same day,
00:12:54 --> 00:12:57 that's confetti and champagne worthy to me, okay?
00:12:57 --> 00:13:02 If I pass an exam, book a trip, that's a whole parade. We need to celebrate
00:13:02 --> 00:13:04 more instead of side-eyeing each other.
00:13:04 --> 00:13:07 Next, practice what I call collaboration currency.
00:13:08 --> 00:13:13 Share, connect, recommend. I'm moving abroad, so I know the power of this firsthand.
00:13:13 --> 00:13:18 When I find a resource, I drop it in my Panama Black Expat Network group.
00:13:18 --> 00:13:22 Then somebody else adds their knowledge, and suddenly everybody benefits.
00:13:22 --> 00:13:24 It's called teamwork, not gatekeeping.
00:13:25 --> 00:13:29 And finally, let's be intentional about lifting somebody else up this week.
00:13:29 --> 00:13:33 Not because it makes you look good or that you're trying to get something in
00:13:33 --> 00:13:36 return, but because you genuinely want to see them win.
00:13:36 --> 00:13:41 People can smell fake applause a mile away and it stinks. You know that saying
00:13:41 --> 00:13:44 watch who stays silent when you win? Don't be that person.
00:13:45 --> 00:13:49 Clap for people like your hands paid a cover charge. Do it every week. Make it a habit.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:53 Because if we keep practicing lifting each other up, the crab in the barrel
00:13:53 --> 00:13:56 thing won't even be our reality anymore.
00:13:56 --> 00:14:00 And the bottom line is solutions aren't magic. They're habits.
00:14:01 --> 00:14:06 And the more we practice them, the more we shift the culture from petty competition
00:14:06 --> 00:14:08 to a powerful collaboration.
00:14:08 --> 00:14:13 All right, family, let's land this plane. Here are the receipts from today's conversation.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:17 Competing against each other, that's just scarcity thinking in a bad wig.
00:14:18 --> 00:14:22 There is more than enough room for all of us to shine. We don't have to trip
00:14:22 --> 00:14:25 each other up on the way up the stairs when we could just hold the damn door.
00:14:26 --> 00:14:29 We thrive when we collaborate, share, and build together. Period.
00:14:30 --> 00:14:35 You've heard me say this all episode long, collaboration is the new currency.
00:14:35 --> 00:14:40 Hoarding information and resources isn't cute, it's dusty. And remember,
00:14:40 --> 00:14:42 small daily actions add to cultural shifts.
00:14:43 --> 00:14:46 You don't have to start a non-profit or run for office to make change.
00:14:46 --> 00:14:50 Just start by clapping for somebody this week without side-eyeing them.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:54 Share a resource, recommend a black-owned business. These are little things
00:14:54 --> 00:14:56 that snowball into big shifts.
00:14:56 --> 00:15:00 Because let's be clear, unity isn't just a dream. It's a strategy.
00:15:01 --> 00:15:06 It's a game plan. If we don't work the plan, we're going to stay stuck in the same cycle.
00:15:06 --> 00:15:09 And I don't know about you, but I'm tired of the reruns.
00:15:10 --> 00:15:15 So here's your call to action. Support one black-owned business this week. Just one.
00:15:15 --> 00:15:19 Put your money where your mouth is. Then share this episode with a friend who
00:15:19 --> 00:15:22 needs to hear it. And let's keep the conversation moving.
00:15:22 --> 00:15:25 And while you're in the giving spirit, don't forget to grab your copy of my
00:15:25 --> 00:15:29 Grown Woman Therapy Coloring Books, Color Me Unbothered, and Color Me Sassy,
00:15:29 --> 00:15:31 both available on Amazon.
00:15:31 --> 00:15:35 Trust me, they're cheaper than therapy and a lot prettier on your coffee table.
00:15:35 --> 00:15:40 And if you want to show some love to the podcast, head on over to buymeacoffee.com
00:15:40 --> 00:15:43 backslash talktomemichelle with one L and buy your girl a cup,
00:15:44 --> 00:15:45 maybe two, maybe even three.
00:15:46 --> 00:15:51 Lastly, make sure you're following me on all socials at talktomemichelle on all platforms.
00:15:51 --> 00:15:54 That's where the conversation continues and where we build
00:15:54 --> 00:15:57 community beyond the mic and if you're considering moving
00:15:57 --> 00:16:01 abroad specifically panama you gotta join us on facebook our group is called
00:16:01 --> 00:16:06 the panama black expat network where we share resources grow and build a community
00:16:06 --> 00:16:11 all right y'all till next time keep shining keep collaborating remember don't
00:16:11 --> 00:16:16 be a crab be the one who lifts i'll see you guys next episode peace.
00:16:16 --> 00:16:36 Music.