Host Michele uses wit and candor to explore the small, often-unnoticed biases we all carry—from childhood conditioning and media stereotypes to colorism and classism within our own communities.
She breaks down how these subtle judgments show up in everyday life, the role of pop culture and news in reinforcing them, and why good intentions aren’t enough.
Ultimately the episode urges honest self-checks, tough conversations with friends and family, and ongoing growth to catch and change those little acts of racism.
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00:00:01 --> 00:00:05 We all love to say we're good people, but if we were being honest,
00:00:05 --> 00:00:09 every single one of us has a little bias tucked away somewhere.
00:00:09 --> 00:00:14 It might be the jokes we laugh at, the assumptions we make, or the way we just
00:00:14 --> 00:00:16 know who did it before hearing the whole story.
00:00:17 --> 00:00:21 Today we are unpacking why even the well-meaning people still carry these little
00:00:21 --> 00:00:25 seeds of racism and what we can do to pull them out by the root.
00:00:27 --> 00:00:31 Before we get into today's topic i have to give a shout out to my coloring book
00:00:31 --> 00:00:37 color me unbothered the grown woman coloring book perfect for relaxing while
00:00:37 --> 00:00:41 sipping tea and minding your own business it's now available on amazon just
00:00:41 --> 00:00:45 search color me unbothered or click the link in the episode description.
00:00:47 --> 00:01:19 Music.
00:01:13 --> 00:01:16 Let's get started. Hey y'all Welcome back to another episode of Talk to Me,
00:01:16 --> 00:01:20 Michelle, where we mix a little wisdom with a little side eye.
00:01:20 --> 00:01:21 And I'm your host, Michelle.
00:01:22 --> 00:01:25 If this is your first time listening, listen, you're going to need to buckle up.
00:01:25 --> 00:01:28 Because around here, we tell the truth, we laugh at the truth,
00:01:28 --> 00:01:32 and sometimes the truth stings just a little bit.
00:01:33 --> 00:01:37 Now, today's topic, I'm telling you right now, some of y'all might get a little
00:01:37 --> 00:01:41 uncomfortable, but that's all right. Because growth doesn't happen in a comfort zone.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:45 We're talking about how we're all just a little racist.
00:01:45 --> 00:01:52 Yes, even you, Mr. I Have Black Friends, even me, even your grandma who makes
00:01:52 --> 00:01:53 the best sweet potato pie.
00:01:53 --> 00:01:57 And it's not always big, loud, ugly racism.
00:01:58 --> 00:02:02 Sometimes it's a little tiny biases we've been carrying around since we were
00:02:02 --> 00:02:04 kids without even realizing it.
00:02:05 --> 00:02:09 From the guess what race it is game on the Breakfast Club to side-eyeing people
00:02:09 --> 00:02:12 in your own community because of class or profession.
00:02:12 --> 00:02:17 We're going to get into why good people still have these inner thoughts and
00:02:17 --> 00:02:19 more importantly, how can we fix it?
00:02:20 --> 00:02:24 But before we stir the pot, let's warm up with one of my favorite parts of the
00:02:24 --> 00:02:25 show, the listener letter.
00:02:26 --> 00:02:30 You know, that moment where y'all slide into my inbox with a situation and I
00:02:30 --> 00:02:35 try to help you solve it without telling you to cut somebody out. At least not right away.
00:02:36 --> 00:02:40 Hey Michelle, I have a coworker who always seems to one-up everyone.
00:02:41 --> 00:02:44 If you went to Miami for vacation, they went to Dubai.
00:02:44 --> 00:02:48 If you got a promotion, they turned one down because it wasn't enough money.
00:02:49 --> 00:02:54 It's exhausting. I've started avoiding conversations just to keep my sanity.
00:02:54 --> 00:02:57 How do you deal with people like that without being rude?
00:02:58 --> 00:03:03 Oh, I know exactly the type of person you're talking about. They've been in
00:03:03 --> 00:03:04 competition since the womb.
00:03:05 --> 00:03:07 Probably came out the birth canal looking at their own sibling like,
00:03:07 --> 00:03:12 ha, I did it faster. These are the people who can't let you have one moment
00:03:12 --> 00:03:16 of joy without jumping in their own Olympic level version of whatever you did.
00:03:16 --> 00:03:21 If you said I got a promotion, they say I turned down three promotions and a
00:03:21 --> 00:03:24 private island because it wasn't challenging enough. Please.
00:03:25 --> 00:03:29 First thing, and I mean this with love, do not take the bait.
00:03:30 --> 00:03:34 People like that live for comparisons because it's their way of feeling important.
00:03:35 --> 00:03:39 If you take away the audience, you take away the stage. This means that you
00:03:39 --> 00:03:41 keep your conversations surface level.
00:03:41 --> 00:03:45 Give them nothing to work with. You went to Miami?
00:03:45 --> 00:03:48 Nah, you just took a little trip. Got a raise?
00:03:48 --> 00:03:53 Just say, things are going well. You basically give them the Diet Coke version of your life.
00:03:54 --> 00:03:58 Second, master the nod and smile. And that's my favorite move.
00:03:58 --> 00:04:04 You let them tell their story how they accidentally met the Pope while shopping for organic avocados.
00:04:04 --> 00:04:08 You nod, you smile, and think to yourself, this is adorable.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:14 They're playing pretend in public. Third, remember it's their insecurity, not your reality.
00:04:14 --> 00:04:17 Somebody who's secure in themselves doesn't need to top you.
00:04:18 --> 00:04:22 They could just say that's great and congratulations and move on.
00:04:22 --> 00:04:26 And lastly, just have a little light come back in your back pocket for when
00:04:26 --> 00:04:27 they really push the boundaries.
00:04:28 --> 00:04:33 Nothing nasty, just polite. Wow, you must be exhausted keeping up with yourself.
00:04:33 --> 00:04:37 Say it with a smile, sip your coffee, and change the subject.
00:04:37 --> 00:04:41 The key is don't let their need to compete drain your joy.
00:04:41 --> 00:04:46 Your wins are your wins. You don't have to shrink them down to make anybody
00:04:46 --> 00:04:52 else feel comfortable. but you can keep them private when the room doesn't deserve the full story.
00:04:52 --> 00:04:56 All right, let's get into it. We are all a little racist.
00:04:57 --> 00:05:01 Now, before anybody gets in their feelings and tries to cancel me, calm down.
00:05:02 --> 00:05:06 I'm not talking about the hood-wearing, tiki-torch-carrying,
00:05:06 --> 00:05:07 cross-burning type of racist.
00:05:07 --> 00:05:11 I'm talking about that little sneaky bias that creeps in when you're not looking.
00:05:11 --> 00:05:16 The stuff we've been fed since childhood mixed in with a dash of TV stereotypes
00:05:16 --> 00:05:18 and family jokes that really weren't jokes.
00:05:19 --> 00:05:23 You know the kind. The thoughts that pop up when you hear a certain type of
00:05:23 --> 00:05:27 crime on the news and your brain goes, hmm, I bet they were.
00:05:27 --> 00:05:32 Yeah, that's what I mean. It's subtle. It's not always intentional,
00:05:32 --> 00:05:33 but it's still impactful.
00:05:34 --> 00:05:38 Just because you didn't mean it that way doesn't mean it won't land that way.
00:05:38 --> 00:05:41 And let's be real, pop culture keeps playing with it.
00:05:41 --> 00:05:44 If you listen to The Breakfast Club, and I love The Breakfast Club,
00:05:44 --> 00:05:50 you know they had this little game after Charlemagne's donkey of the day called Guess What Race It Is.
00:05:50 --> 00:05:54 And it's exactly what it sounds like. They tell the story based on the details
00:05:54 --> 00:05:56 you guess the race of the person.
00:05:56 --> 00:05:59 And don't act brand new because some of y'all have been playing this game in
00:05:59 --> 00:06:03 your own head your whole life. They just put it on the radio and made it funny.
00:06:03 --> 00:06:07 But see, the thing is, we laugh. We play along.
00:06:07 --> 00:06:11 And sometimes we don't even realize those little moments where bias gets comfortable.
00:06:12 --> 00:06:15 Because when it's dressed up as entertainment, it doesn't feel as dangerous.
00:06:15 --> 00:06:19 But it's still teaching us to make snap judgments based off skin,
00:06:19 --> 00:06:21 accent, or where somebody's from.
00:06:22 --> 00:06:27 And that, my friends, is the little racist in all of us. So here's a million-dollar question.
00:06:28 --> 00:06:32 If we're good people, why do we still have these little bias moments tucked
00:06:32 --> 00:06:34 away in our mental junk drawer?
00:06:34 --> 00:06:39 Easy. It's called conditioning. We have been marinating in it before we even
00:06:39 --> 00:06:41 knew what the word bias was.
00:06:42 --> 00:06:44 First, there's childhood conditioning.
00:06:44 --> 00:06:47 You might have grown up hearing little comments at the dinner table like,
00:06:47 --> 00:06:48 well, you know how they are.
00:06:48 --> 00:06:52 And you don't even realize who they were. You just knew it wasn't you.
00:06:52 --> 00:06:55 Or maybe you grew up in a neighborhood where everybody looked like you.
00:06:55 --> 00:06:59 So anything different automatically felt foreign.
00:06:59 --> 00:07:03 That sticks with you, even if you swear you're open-minded now.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:06 Then you've got media conditioning.
00:07:06 --> 00:07:10 And let's be honest, Hollywood does not help. They have been recycling the same
00:07:10 --> 00:07:14 stereotypes as if we were a Costco bulk pack.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:18 The nerdy Asian kid, the angry black woman, the spicy Latina,
00:07:19 --> 00:07:20 the terrorist Middle Eastern man.
00:07:20 --> 00:07:25 I mean, they don't even try to be subtle. You binge watch enough of that and
00:07:25 --> 00:07:29 boom, your brain starts filing people into little folders before you even meet them.
00:07:29 --> 00:07:31 And let's not forget social reinforcement.
00:07:32 --> 00:07:35 This is where the jokes come in. Your friends, your co-workers,
00:07:35 --> 00:07:40 your favorite TV shows, everybody's dropping those funny but not really funny one-liners.
00:07:40 --> 00:07:46 And we all chuckle because it's easier to laugh than to unpack the ugly truth. And my favorite one?
00:07:46 --> 00:07:52 Survival instincts gone wrong. Our brains are wired to categorize quickly to keep us safe.
00:07:52 --> 00:07:59 But the problem is, somewhere along the line, we started mixing actual danger with perceived danger.
00:07:59 --> 00:08:02 Like, a hoodie does not equal a criminal.
00:08:03 --> 00:08:07 Little voice in your head that's been trained by the news headlines since forever.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:13 So you could be a kind, loving, charitable person who wouldn't hurt a fly and
00:08:13 --> 00:08:17 still have these little uninvited guests called biases living rent-free in your head.
00:08:17 --> 00:08:21 The trick is catching them before they unpack their suitcase and start redecorating.
00:08:22 --> 00:08:25 Now let's talk about the mess that no one likes to admit.
00:08:26 --> 00:08:31 Racism inside your own community. Yeah, it's real. You can love your people
00:08:31 --> 00:08:33 and still throw shade at your people.
00:08:33 --> 00:08:38 It's like family. You'll fight for them in public, but in private, you got notes.
00:08:38 --> 00:08:43 First up is colorism. The light-skinned, dark-skinned drama has been going on
00:08:43 --> 00:08:44 longer than the young and the restless.
00:08:45 --> 00:08:50 And you know how it goes. Light-skins get called pretty before they even finish walking in the room.
00:08:51 --> 00:08:54 Dark-skinned gets labeled as strong, like they're about to pull a tractor up a hill.
00:08:55 --> 00:08:59 But these are stereotypes, and both are wrong. But they have been baked into
00:08:59 --> 00:09:04 the culture so deep that people pass them down like grandmama's sweet potato pie recipe.
00:09:04 --> 00:09:08 Then we have classism. The bougie versus the hood divide.
00:09:08 --> 00:09:13 Some folks act like they forgot where they came from the second they got a degree in a 401k.
00:09:14 --> 00:09:18 You show up to the cookout in your little silk shirt and suddenly you're too
00:09:18 --> 00:09:20 good for the paper plate or the red cup.
00:09:21 --> 00:09:25 Or the flip side, folks think education and success means you've sold out.
00:09:25 --> 00:09:29 It's a lose-lose if you're stuck in their mental checklist.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:32 And don't get me started on professional prejudice.
00:09:32 --> 00:09:36 I've heard people clown somebody because they're a bus driver,
00:09:36 --> 00:09:41 as if the city runs itself without them, or shade a woman for working retail
00:09:41 --> 00:09:43 like everybody doesn't need to go to the store.
00:09:43 --> 00:09:47 Meanwhile, the person doing the shading is probably sitting in their cubicle
00:09:47 --> 00:09:48 watching the clock until lunch.
00:09:48 --> 00:09:52 It's like we've taken the same bias that's been used against us,
00:09:52 --> 00:09:56 decide to remix it and play it back inside our own walls.
00:09:57 --> 00:10:01 Which makes zero sense because newsflash, the world outside doesn't care what
00:10:01 --> 00:10:05 shade you are, how many degrees you have, or what titles on your LinkedIn.
00:10:06 --> 00:10:11 To them, you're just the group you belong to. And if we're busy fighting each
00:10:11 --> 00:10:13 other over this petty nonsense, guess what?
00:10:13 --> 00:10:16 They don't even have to work that hard to divide us.
00:10:16 --> 00:10:22 Bottom line, if you can't give grace to your people, don't expect to extend to somebody else.
00:10:22 --> 00:10:25 That's not just bias. It's hypocrisy and a cute outfit.
00:10:26 --> 00:10:32 So let's bring this conversation into 2025, because bias isn't just living in
00:10:32 --> 00:10:34 history books. It's got a penthouse suite in everyday life.
00:10:35 --> 00:10:40 First up is pop culture. Listen, some of y'all will cancel a celebrity on Monday
00:10:40 --> 00:10:43 and be streaming their new album by Friday.
00:10:43 --> 00:10:49 The same movies and TV shows we binge are still sprinkling in stereotypes like Seasoning Salt.
00:10:50 --> 00:10:55 The black best friend whose whole job is to give the white man character advice on life? Check.
00:10:56 --> 00:10:59 The Latino who's always spicy and dramatic? Check.
00:11:00 --> 00:11:04 And don't even get me started on how many times they have to cast a Middle Eastern
00:11:04 --> 00:11:06 guy as villain number three in the background.
00:11:06 --> 00:11:10 It's like Hollywood's still shopping from the same tire stereotype catalog.
00:11:11 --> 00:11:16 Next is everyday bias. You've seen it. Somebody clutches their purse when a
00:11:16 --> 00:11:17 young black man gets on the elevator.
00:11:18 --> 00:11:21 Folks at the party hear a woman say she's from the south side of Chicago and
00:11:21 --> 00:11:24 suddenly they're talking to her like she just survived a war zone.
00:11:25 --> 00:11:28 Or the classic, oh wow, you're so articulate.
00:11:28 --> 00:11:30 Which, let's be honest, is just
00:11:30 --> 00:11:34 a dressed up way of saying, I did not expect for you to be that smart.
00:11:34 --> 00:11:40 And let's not pretend the workplace is bias free. Who gets the benefit of doubt when they mess up?
00:11:40 --> 00:11:43 Who's seen as leadership material versus too aggressive?
00:11:44 --> 00:11:49 The spoiler alert is it's often split right down the color or gender line.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:52 And my favorite, the news cycle bias.
00:11:52 --> 00:11:56 Notice how missing white women get three weeks of breaking news coverage,
00:11:57 --> 00:12:00 the candlelight vigils, and the Lifetime movie deal.
00:12:00 --> 00:12:05 But if a black or brown woman goes missing, it's barely a scroll at the bottom
00:12:05 --> 00:12:07 of the screen. Same with crime stories.
00:12:08 --> 00:12:10 Pay attention to which photos they use.
00:12:11 --> 00:12:15 If it's a white suspect, it's a yearbook photo. If it's a black suspect,
00:12:15 --> 00:12:19 it's a mugshot. Same crime, different narrative.
00:12:19 --> 00:12:23 We see this stuff every day, but because it's so normalized,
00:12:23 --> 00:12:25 half the time we don't even clock it.
00:12:25 --> 00:12:31 And that's actually how bias stays alive, by hiding in plain sight while we just keep scrolling.
00:12:32 --> 00:12:36 So here's the truth, y'all. We're never going to fix bias overnight.
00:12:36 --> 00:12:41 We won't even fix it in a decade if people keep pretending it doesn't exist.
00:12:42 --> 00:12:47 But what we can do is to get honest with ourselves, admit the little thoughts,
00:12:47 --> 00:12:50 the little reactions, the little side eyes we've been trained to have,
00:12:51 --> 00:12:52 and then work on shutting them down.
00:12:53 --> 00:12:58 Being a good person doesn't mean you've graduated from the Bayer School with a gold star.
00:12:58 --> 00:13:02 It means you're still willing to catch yourself, learn better and do better.
00:13:02 --> 00:13:06 And yes, that's going to mean checking your friends, checking your family and
00:13:06 --> 00:13:08 sometimes checking yourself.
00:13:08 --> 00:13:12 And remember this, forgiving yourself for past ignorance is fine.
00:13:12 --> 00:13:15 But using, that's just how I grew up as an excuse?
00:13:16 --> 00:13:21 No, that's like saying, well, I used to eat glue in kindergarten and I still do it now.
00:13:22 --> 00:13:26 Growth is the assignment. I will leave you with this mic drop moment.
00:13:27 --> 00:13:31 Acknowledging bias isn't about guilt, it's about growth. And if you're not willing
00:13:31 --> 00:13:35 to grow, don't be shocked when the world keeps shrinking around you.
00:13:35 --> 00:13:40 And speaking of growth and keeping your peace, if today's topic got you feeling
00:13:40 --> 00:13:45 like you need to relax and decompress, grab my Color Me Unbothered Grown Woman Coloring Book.
00:13:45 --> 00:13:48 It's all about peace, power, and a little petty in between.
00:13:49 --> 00:13:54 Perfect for winding down after a long day of educating folks who should really already know better.
00:13:54 --> 00:14:00 It's available now on Amazon. Just search Color Me Unbothered or click the link in the episode notes.
00:14:00 --> 00:14:04 That's going to do it for today's episode. Don't forget to share us with a friend.
00:14:04 --> 00:14:09 Follow me on all socials at TalkToMeMichelle. And keep sending me those letters.
00:14:09 --> 00:14:12 Until next time, stay kind, stay courteous, and most importantly,
00:14:13 --> 00:14:14 stay unbothered. Peace.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:41 Music.