In this powerful episode of The Birth Seat: Our Heritage, Our Legacy, we address the critical issue of teen domestic violence, an often-overlooked topic with alarming statistics showing that 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. experience abuse in their relationships. We explore the signs, risks, and long-term effects of dating violence among young people, offering listeners crucial insights and resources for prevention.
Guest co-host Amber Twyne, a Certified Doula Trainer, Childbirth Educator, Program Coordinator, and survivor of domestic violence, shares her expertise on the emotional, physical, and psychological impacts of abuse on teens. She also discusses the unique challenges Black teens face as they navigate these issues within cultural and systemic pressures.
Our host, Elizabeth Mayaki (MC Mckinzie), and Amber interview two Delaware State University students, Jada Parks and Trinity Clark, who amplify the voices of young survivors and advocates working to break the cycle of violence.
In this episode, we provide actionable steps for teens, parents, and educators, helping them identify red flags, support loved ones, and promote healthy relationships. We also share local and national resources for those seeking help and support in preventing and addressing dating violence.
Key Resources for Delaware Residents:
Black Mothers In Power (BMIP): Provides comprehensive support to Domestic Violence victims and survivors through education, resources, and personalized Doula support.
Coalition Against Domestic Violence (DCADV): Provides resources including mental health support, court assistance, shelters, and community advocates.
Peoples Place: Offers emergency shelter, advocacy, and case management.
Child Inc: Crisis shelter, safety planning, and family services.
YWCA: Provides services for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.
National Resources:
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474
loveisrespect.org: A comprehensive resource for teens facing dating violence.
BananaBreadHelpline: A support line for teens in abusive relationships.
Social Media:
Amber Twyne: @mamasreign
Elizabeth Mayaki (MC Mckinzie): @LizzyMc_IG
Jada Parks: @4jadaa, @stylessbyyjadaa, @adajtheebrand, @dsu_give
Trinity Clark: @trin.clairee
In this episode, we aim to raise awareness, dismantle stigmas, and empower teens to recognize their worth and build healthy, respectful relationships. Tune in and join the movement to protect and empower youth, while advocating for a future free from violence.
Note: The episode also delves into the connection between domestic violence and maternal health care for Black women, exploring its significant impact on pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and overall well-being. This important conversation highlights the need for holistic, culturally competent care, particularly for Black mothers and their families.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:06 [Music]
00:00:06 --> 00:00:08 hello everyone I'm your host of mcky
00:00:09 --> 00:00:11 Welcome to the bird seat Our Heritage
00:00:11 --> 00:00:13 our Legacy podcast dedicated to
00:00:13 --> 00:00:15 addressing the pressing issues of black
00:00:15 --> 00:00:18 maternal Health exploring the stories
00:00:18 --> 00:00:20 the challenges and the triumphs of black
00:00:20 --> 00:00:22 mothers in Delaware and Beyond on this
00:00:22 --> 00:00:24 podcast we dive into our heritage the
00:00:24 --> 00:00:27 Sanic barriers we face and the Legacy we
00:00:27 --> 00:00:29 end to leave behind and we do so through
00:00:30 --> 00:00:32 heartfelt conversation right here on the
00:00:32 --> 00:00:35 bir seat and joining me for today's
00:00:35 --> 00:00:39 conversation I do have Miss Amber and
00:00:39 --> 00:00:44 Amber is um a certified Dueler child
00:00:44 --> 00:00:46 birth educator and program coordinator
00:00:46 --> 00:00:48 for black mothers empowered domestic
00:00:48 --> 00:00:51 violence support program Amber's work is
00:00:51 --> 00:00:53 rooted in her personal experience with
00:00:53 --> 00:00:56 intimate partner violence obstetrical
00:00:56 --> 00:00:58 trauma and infant loss which inspired
00:00:58 --> 00:01:03 her journey into Bird work and today I
00:01:03 --> 00:01:06 have the pleasure of welcoming our
00:01:06 --> 00:01:09 special guest from dscu I have Trinity
00:01:09 --> 00:01:11 and I have Jaya who will be introducing
00:01:11 --> 00:01:14 herself in a few minutes and we also
00:01:14 --> 00:01:17 have the first cohart domestic violence
00:01:17 --> 00:01:21 in the building shut up H Zakia and uh
00:01:21 --> 00:01:24 she's an expert in this uh topic today
00:01:24 --> 00:01:26 and uh she's going to be just giving us
00:01:26 --> 00:01:29 some pointers some information and also
00:01:29 --> 00:01:32 should be a good resource in the future
00:01:32 --> 00:01:34 if you um have any reason to reach out
00:01:34 --> 00:01:36 to the program for this topic in
00:01:36 --> 00:01:38 particular and we also have other
00:01:38 --> 00:01:40 cohorts um within black mothers EMP
00:01:40 --> 00:01:44 power all right uh now before we begin I
00:01:44 --> 00:01:47 would like to share a brief disclaimer
00:01:47 --> 00:01:49 in recognition of teen Dating Violence
00:01:49 --> 00:01:50 Awareness Month our discussion will
00:01:50 --> 00:01:53 focus on key topics not limited to the
00:01:54 --> 00:01:56 impact consequences and prevention
00:01:56 --> 00:01:59 strategies of abuse if this topic may be
00:01:59 --> 00:02:01 triggering for you please prioritize
00:02:02 --> 00:02:05 your wellbeing at this time all right so
00:02:05 --> 00:02:10 uh before I go into details ladies um I
00:02:10 --> 00:02:11 just want you to go ahead and introduce
00:02:11 --> 00:02:14 yourself uh Trinity and then we'll go to
00:02:14 --> 00:02:17 Jer and then we'll go to the both of you
00:02:17 --> 00:02:19 I hope everyone is doing well today my
00:02:19 --> 00:02:21 name is Trinity Clark I'm a student at
00:02:21 --> 00:02:22 Delaware State University and I'm a
00:02:22 --> 00:02:26 senior majoring in psychology and social
00:02:26 --> 00:02:29 work hello my name is Jada Parks I also
00:02:29 --> 00:02:31 attend Delaware State University
00:02:31 --> 00:02:33 majoring in Psychology have an
00:02:33 --> 00:02:37 associates degree in Liberal
00:02:37 --> 00:02:41 Arts I'm zakiya I am one of the first
00:02:41 --> 00:02:44 Doula domestic violence cohorts um I
00:02:44 --> 00:02:48 just recently graduated from and I'm
00:02:48 --> 00:02:50 also lived experience of domestic
00:02:51 --> 00:02:54 violence um so who this happy over year
00:02:54 --> 00:02:56 thank you it's a pleasure having you
00:02:56 --> 00:02:59 pleasure here all right thank you so
00:02:59 --> 00:03:01 much and thank you so much for just
00:03:01 --> 00:03:04 wearing yellow to represent uh Mr I'm
00:03:04 --> 00:03:09 sorry right orange is the color for teen
00:03:09 --> 00:03:11 uh domestic uh violence Awareness Month
00:03:12 --> 00:03:14 in February and actually February
00:03:14 --> 00:03:16 February 6th is the day that is
00:03:16 --> 00:03:18 dedicated to just creating that
00:03:18 --> 00:03:21 awareness so that's why you can see a
00:03:21 --> 00:03:24 range of colors in the amongst us all if
00:03:24 --> 00:03:27 you look at her cup all
00:03:27 --> 00:03:31 right so that for you sure yeah bracelet
00:03:31 --> 00:03:34 and yeah and I got I guys I specifically
00:03:34 --> 00:03:37 order these glasses for for for this I
00:03:37 --> 00:03:40 was like I need to be orang
00:03:40 --> 00:03:45 yeah so they are thank you all right so
00:03:45 --> 00:03:47 thank you so much it's a pleasure having
00:03:47 --> 00:03:49 you guys today uh thank you for honoring
00:03:49 --> 00:03:52 the invitation um my first question to
00:03:52 --> 00:03:56 you is um why why did you decide to take
00:03:56 --> 00:03:59 the call and come here and talk about uh
00:03:59 --> 00:04:01 t in uh domestic
00:04:01 --> 00:04:03 violence if you wanted to whoever wants
00:04:03 --> 00:04:06 to take it okay um I came there because
00:04:06 --> 00:04:08 you're not always granted opportunities
00:04:08 --> 00:04:11 like this I've been on a
00:04:11 --> 00:04:15 podcast twice before um once when I was
00:04:15 --> 00:04:17 in high school and it wasn't anything
00:04:17 --> 00:04:20 that was like advocating for domestic
00:04:20 --> 00:04:22 violence you know a lot of people
00:04:22 --> 00:04:25 secretly go through it and or like it's
00:04:25 --> 00:04:28 normalized in like their environment so
00:04:28 --> 00:04:30 it doesn't seem like it's any anything
00:04:30 --> 00:04:32 to go over but just to show people that
00:04:32 --> 00:04:34 are like me if they are going through
00:04:34 --> 00:04:37 things and they look like me or in the
00:04:37 --> 00:04:39 same environment is me without letting
00:04:39 --> 00:04:40 me know or letting people know or
00:04:41 --> 00:04:43 getting out of it not know what to do
00:04:43 --> 00:04:46 you know there are ways to advocate for
00:04:46 --> 00:04:48 yourself advocate for others and like I
00:04:49 --> 00:04:50 said I'm here to represent for my or
00:04:51 --> 00:04:54 gracefully ignited voices everywhere um
00:04:54 --> 00:04:57 so yeah I'm glad you said that it's it's
00:04:57 --> 00:05:00 normalized but also like secret
00:05:00 --> 00:05:02 sometimes they only talk about their
00:05:02 --> 00:05:04 experiences so I'm glad you're here yeah
00:05:04 --> 00:05:06 we're going get into that whole um
00:05:06 --> 00:05:08 secret keeping it a secret why do people
00:05:08 --> 00:05:10 keep it inside instead of wasting it out
00:05:10 --> 00:05:12 to get help so this just go with you
00:05:12 --> 00:05:14 thank you yeah of course um so the
00:05:14 --> 00:05:16 reason I decided to come out today and
00:05:16 --> 00:05:18 um share on the podcast is because after
00:05:18 --> 00:05:21 going through my situation as well I
00:05:21 --> 00:05:23 learned that I wanted to advocate for
00:05:23 --> 00:05:25 anyone else who had been through similar
00:05:25 --> 00:05:27 situations and for me to be able to do
00:05:27 --> 00:05:28 that I need to use my voice and share
00:05:29 --> 00:05:31 about my experience is what worked for
00:05:31 --> 00:05:33 me what didn't work for me to be able to
00:05:33 --> 00:05:35 help people get through the same type of
00:05:35 --> 00:05:37 experience as well if they don't have
00:05:37 --> 00:05:39 anyone to look to cuz like you said you
00:05:39 --> 00:05:40 know sometimes it can be more secretive
00:05:40 --> 00:05:42 and they don't know who to turn to so I
00:05:42 --> 00:05:44 would love to use my voice to be able to
00:05:44 --> 00:05:46 help other people car absolutely thank
00:05:46 --> 00:05:49 you all right and why did you decide to
00:05:49 --> 00:05:51 get into the program and actually be
00:05:51 --> 00:05:54 certified and let me go to that extent
00:05:54 --> 00:05:57 so after having a lengthened experience
00:05:57 --> 00:06:00 I felt like I had nowhere to go like no
00:06:00 --> 00:06:02 one call no one that I knew around me
00:06:02 --> 00:06:04 that had that experienced that so no one
00:06:04 --> 00:06:06 knew where to gu with so I'm like if
00:06:06 --> 00:06:09 that's how it is for me then that has to
00:06:09 --> 00:06:10 has has to be like that for other women
00:06:10 --> 00:06:13 that's right where do they go where do
00:06:13 --> 00:06:16 they turn um so for me
00:06:16 --> 00:06:20 it's it's a movement that's right and
00:06:20 --> 00:06:21 more of us need to come together and do
00:06:21 --> 00:06:23 things like this and hand our resources
00:06:23 --> 00:06:25 and tell people like it's okay you don't
00:06:25 --> 00:06:27 have to be ashamed it happy we're going
00:06:27 --> 00:06:29 to grow we're going to move on these
00:06:29 --> 00:06:30 things we're going to talk about them
00:06:30 --> 00:06:32 though yes we're going to address them
00:06:32 --> 00:06:33 we're going to talk about them we're not
00:06:33 --> 00:06:35 going to suppress anything we're going
00:06:35 --> 00:06:36 to get those feelings and those emotions
00:06:36 --> 00:06:38 out and then we're going to live our
00:06:38 --> 00:06:40 life absolutely to the
00:06:40 --> 00:06:44 best wonderful wonderful all right uh
00:06:44 --> 00:06:45 let me just provide a little bit of
00:06:45 --> 00:06:47 Statistics here so research research
00:06:47 --> 00:06:51 shows that one in three us teens
00:06:51 --> 00:06:53 experience physical sexual or emotional
00:06:53 --> 00:06:55 abuse from a partner during their
00:06:55 --> 00:06:59 teenage years additionally nearly 43% of
00:06:59 --> 00:07:02 you us college women report encountering
00:07:02 --> 00:07:05 violent or abusive behavior in da and
00:07:05 --> 00:07:09 relationships women age 16 to 24 or
00:07:09 --> 00:07:12 three times more likely to be victims of
00:07:12 --> 00:07:14 domestic violence compared to women of
00:07:14 --> 00:07:17 other age groups each year over 500
00:07:17 --> 00:07:20 women and girls in the US are tragically
00:07:20 --> 00:07:23 killed by abusive Partners teen dead in
00:07:23 --> 00:07:25 violence awareness month is observed in
00:07:25 --> 00:07:27 February to raise awareness about Dating
00:07:27 --> 00:07:30 Violence and educate the public on
00:07:30 --> 00:07:33 prevention strategies the theme for 2025
00:07:33 --> 00:07:37 is respect that which emphasizes the
00:07:37 --> 00:07:38 importance of treating partners with
00:07:39 --> 00:07:41 dignity and
00:07:41 --> 00:07:44 respect with that being
00:07:44 --> 00:07:51 said what does respect look like in a
00:07:51 --> 00:07:54 relationship or what do you think love
00:07:54 --> 00:07:56 is supposed to look like in a
00:07:56 --> 00:07:59 relationship because I think that is the
00:07:59 --> 00:08:01 turning point where people get it
00:08:01 --> 00:08:06 twisted and um act otherwise so what
00:08:06 --> 00:08:08 what does a normal relationship supposed
00:08:08 --> 00:08:09 to look
00:08:09 --> 00:08:11 like
00:08:11 --> 00:08:14 htic I'll go to me I feel like in order
00:08:14 --> 00:08:17 to have uh a good relationship you have
00:08:17 --> 00:08:18 to have great
00:08:18 --> 00:08:20 communication we have to have respect
00:08:20 --> 00:08:22 and you have to have boundaries and I
00:08:22 --> 00:08:24 should be able to come to my partner and
00:08:24 --> 00:08:26 say Hey you know the things that you did
00:08:26 --> 00:08:28 I really didn't like that or it upset me
00:08:28 --> 00:08:30 and my partner be willing to sit and
00:08:30 --> 00:08:33 listen vice versa it's not just always
00:08:33 --> 00:08:35 about me it's about both of us being
00:08:35 --> 00:08:38 able to be in our each other space and
00:08:38 --> 00:08:41 be able to communicate effectively and
00:08:41 --> 00:08:44 respect one another and then outside of
00:08:44 --> 00:08:46 the respect and the communication that
00:08:46 --> 00:08:48 there's love that's right all right
00:08:48 --> 00:08:50 awesome I love that and you mentioned
00:08:50 --> 00:08:52 something very important you said
00:08:52 --> 00:08:55 boundaries um and I think boundaries is
00:08:55 --> 00:08:59 um for me I feel like is a foundation
00:08:59 --> 00:09:04 that he needs to be taught from childood
00:09:04 --> 00:09:08 infancy so um like for example when I
00:09:08 --> 00:09:10 say boundaries being taught at a very
00:09:10 --> 00:09:12 young age I'm talking about teaching
00:09:12 --> 00:09:16 your child that it's not okay it's not
00:09:16 --> 00:09:18 okay for you to sit on uncle's Uncle
00:09:18 --> 00:09:21 Ted's lap um it's okay for you to tell
00:09:21 --> 00:09:23 Uncle Ted like no I'm not going to sit
00:09:23 --> 00:09:24 on your lap you know what I'm saying
00:09:25 --> 00:09:26 they should be able to speak for
00:09:26 --> 00:09:29 themselves be vocal like set boundaries
00:09:29 --> 00:09:31 regardless of where they're at or what
00:09:31 --> 00:09:34 age they're at when you when you know
00:09:34 --> 00:09:37 how to set boundary at a very young age
00:09:37 --> 00:09:40 you are more likely to know how to set
00:09:40 --> 00:09:42 boundaries when you have somebody
00:09:42 --> 00:09:44 crossing the
00:09:44 --> 00:09:47 line yeah I think um going back to what
00:09:47 --> 00:09:50 you said as far as what respect is I
00:09:50 --> 00:09:53 feel like you should always respect is
00:09:53 --> 00:09:56 the comprehension of the communication
00:09:56 --> 00:09:58 like you said you need to be able to
00:09:58 --> 00:10:00 communicate and also if I can't trust
00:10:00 --> 00:10:03 you if you well you can't trust anyone
00:10:03 --> 00:10:04 that doesn't respect you because they'll
00:10:04 --> 00:10:06 do anything and they won't respect
00:10:06 --> 00:10:09 whatever boundaries you do have so I
00:10:09 --> 00:10:11 would say respect is just keeping
00:10:11 --> 00:10:13 violence and being considerate to the
00:10:13 --> 00:10:15 other person in the relationship you
00:10:15 --> 00:10:20 know just making sure like you know um
00:10:20 --> 00:10:22 that you're being understanding that the
00:10:22 --> 00:10:26 other person is feeling heard and loved
00:10:26 --> 00:10:28 like you said love comes after all of
00:10:28 --> 00:10:31 that so just making sure like you're
00:10:31 --> 00:10:33 being respectful to your partner and
00:10:33 --> 00:10:36 what you give is what you get and what
00:10:36 --> 00:10:39 they give is what they get in a way but
00:10:39 --> 00:10:42 not out of spite and
00:10:42 --> 00:10:46 um like you said boundry starting off at
00:10:46 --> 00:10:49 a young age I do think like uh you know
00:10:49 --> 00:10:51 your childhood has a lot to do with who
00:10:51 --> 00:10:54 you are as a person who you turn out to
00:10:54 --> 00:10:56 be the decisions you make throughout
00:10:56 --> 00:11:00 your life and your personality so um um
00:11:00 --> 00:11:05 yeah just making sure like you keep that
00:11:05 --> 00:11:07 once you notice and your adult years and
00:11:07 --> 00:11:09 you do go in and have children you make
00:11:09 --> 00:11:12 sure that you teach them these are
00:11:12 --> 00:11:14 boundaries how far to go with your
00:11:14 --> 00:11:17 boundaries how to make sure people
00:11:17 --> 00:11:18 respect your boundaries and how to
00:11:18 --> 00:11:22 respect others boundaries so yeah that
00:11:22 --> 00:11:24 was good we're good and byal retirement
00:11:24 --> 00:11:28 on that yeah so one recurring theme of
00:11:28 --> 00:11:30 domestic violence which teen Dating
00:11:30 --> 00:11:34 Violence is a subset of that but it's
00:11:34 --> 00:11:38 this idea of um a pattern of abuse and
00:11:38 --> 00:11:40 it's based in control and I think
00:11:40 --> 00:11:43 sometimes we think that we have to
00:11:43 --> 00:11:44 control others or we're allowed to
00:11:44 --> 00:11:46 control others and then let others
00:11:46 --> 00:11:49 control Us in ways that we may not
00:11:49 --> 00:11:52 associate with abuse like a lot of teen
00:11:52 --> 00:11:55 Dating Violence um topics and themes
00:11:55 --> 00:11:57 that come up are things that may seem
00:11:57 --> 00:12:01 innocent um like like you know
00:12:01 --> 00:12:03 constantly checking your phone or like
00:12:03 --> 00:12:06 you know follow you know W make walking
00:12:06 --> 00:12:09 you to class or checking in on you but
00:12:09 --> 00:12:13 those can turn into toxic behaviors and
00:12:13 --> 00:12:14 I think because we don't have the
00:12:14 --> 00:12:17 conversation often especially uh young
00:12:17 --> 00:12:20 enough that it's confusing and people
00:12:20 --> 00:12:22 think oh that's love they love me they
00:12:22 --> 00:12:23 really care but really it's like no
00:12:23 --> 00:12:26 these are like early signs of control
00:12:26 --> 00:12:30 and we need to kind of navigate those
00:12:30 --> 00:12:34 far before dating is part of the
00:12:34 --> 00:12:38 conversation yeah yeah so one in signs
00:12:38 --> 00:12:40 so very important that we don't ignore
00:12:40 --> 00:12:42 one in signs if you're listening to this
00:12:42 --> 00:12:45 podcast please repeat after me I would
00:12:45 --> 00:12:48 not ignore the one in science right so
00:12:48 --> 00:12:51 it is a red flat and um it it makes you
00:12:51 --> 00:12:54 question yourself or doubt yourself like
00:12:54 --> 00:12:56 sometimes certain love can be just be
00:12:56 --> 00:12:59 too good to be true mhm I'm sorry yeah
00:13:00 --> 00:13:02 like if he's calling you 10 times in a
00:13:02 --> 00:13:05 day like for example my ex-boyfriend
00:13:05 --> 00:13:07 like oh my
00:13:07 --> 00:13:12 gosh when I realized that um when I felt
00:13:12 --> 00:13:16 a level of abuse in that relationship
00:13:16 --> 00:13:20 um was when there was a day he traveled
00:13:20 --> 00:13:22 and uh he called
00:13:22 --> 00:13:25 me and when he called me he called me
00:13:25 --> 00:13:27 about 10
00:13:27 --> 00:13:30 times and uh when I finally answered the
00:13:30 --> 00:13:33 phone the first thing he said was what
00:13:33 --> 00:13:36 the hell are you where have you been
00:13:36 --> 00:13:38 I've been calling your phone I've been
00:13:38 --> 00:13:40 blowing your phone up and you ain't
00:13:40 --> 00:13:44 answered my call right and then I looked
00:13:44 --> 00:13:47 at my phone and I look at the time he
00:13:47 --> 00:13:52 period he called it was within 2 3
00:13:52 --> 00:13:55 minutes 2 three minutes in 10 minutes in
00:13:55 --> 00:13:59 less than 5 minutes sir are you okay
00:13:59 --> 00:14:02 yeah so that that those are signs those
00:14:02 --> 00:14:04 are warning signs there's no reason
00:14:04 --> 00:14:05 anybody should call you 10 times with
00:14:05 --> 00:14:08 didn't War it all first like you're
00:14:08 --> 00:14:14 probably in ER or something
00:14:14 --> 00:14:17 or like what and that's spasm when you
00:14:17 --> 00:14:19 do answering the phone like once you do
00:14:19 --> 00:14:22 answer the phone and they're like it it
00:14:22 --> 00:14:24 will be scary as well like if they did
00:14:24 --> 00:14:26 answer like you answer and they were
00:14:26 --> 00:14:28 really calm after blowing your phone up
00:14:28 --> 00:14:31 but like just a you and be a really you
00:14:31 --> 00:14:33 just answer on the phone right or
00:14:33 --> 00:14:36 sitting on the phone not talking just
00:14:36 --> 00:14:38 like that constant like just being there
00:14:38 --> 00:14:40 being there it's not it's like
00:14:40 --> 00:14:43 misconstrued as like cute and and it's
00:14:43 --> 00:14:46 like no those are toxic behavior and and
00:14:46 --> 00:14:49 a key thing about that is a lot of times
00:14:49 --> 00:14:52 in adult domestic violence relationships
00:14:52 --> 00:14:55 we see it primarily coming from um men
00:14:55 --> 00:14:59 male figures but with teens it's both
00:14:59 --> 00:15:01 yeah and it's equally you see it's more
00:15:01 --> 00:15:05 like 50% versus like the you know 70% as
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08 you get older so it's like these are
00:15:08 --> 00:15:11 like key ages where toxic behaviors are
00:15:11 --> 00:15:13 happening on both sides yes and there's
00:15:14 --> 00:15:16 a miscommunication around what is
00:15:16 --> 00:15:18 healthy right yeah yeah yeah I just want
00:15:18 --> 00:15:20 we're going to get back to that later on
00:15:20 --> 00:15:22 but I just wanted to touch on um the
00:15:22 --> 00:15:24 fact that you said and with in is like
00:15:24 --> 00:15:27 almost 5050 when it comes to the um
00:15:27 --> 00:15:31 domestic violence um because I reviewed
00:15:31 --> 00:15:33 a study recently uh that was done by
00:15:33 --> 00:15:38 Erica Lighthouse and um just the numbers
00:15:38 --> 00:15:39 were astonishing like I said we'll come
00:15:39 --> 00:15:42 back to it but I visited the high school
00:15:42 --> 00:15:44 and I spoke to one of the counselors
00:15:44 --> 00:15:46 there and I just tried to get
00:15:46 --> 00:15:49 information about the type of counselors
00:15:49 --> 00:15:52 they have at their High School um the
00:15:52 --> 00:15:53 first thing that was uh that that I
00:15:53 --> 00:15:55 noticed that I Shi my head on was they
00:15:55 --> 00:15:57 were all
00:15:57 --> 00:16:00 females uh five females I think five at
00:16:00 --> 00:16:04 least and no male
00:16:04 --> 00:16:07 so that's a problem yeah we need more m
00:16:07 --> 00:16:11 in this field uh and uh you're not going
00:16:11 --> 00:16:14 to have a male going to a female to talk
00:16:14 --> 00:16:17 about his relationship that he's the one
00:16:17 --> 00:16:20 not acting right that's a great point
00:16:20 --> 00:16:23 cuz like even here they all women but I
00:16:23 --> 00:16:26 think we need more men to be willing to
00:16:26 --> 00:16:27 have these
00:16:27 --> 00:16:30 conversations Advocate as well cuz
00:16:30 --> 00:16:32 that's an excellent point correct yeah
00:16:32 --> 00:16:34 like the locker room conversations like
00:16:34 --> 00:16:37 we need more meal like you know the
00:16:37 --> 00:16:39 conversation that takes place like
00:16:39 --> 00:16:41 places like that like you know you don't
00:16:41 --> 00:16:43 sometimes they they're there to like
00:16:44 --> 00:16:45 just cheer each other on what do you
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47 Cher each other on is it postive is it
00:16:47 --> 00:16:48 negative you know so that's something to
00:16:48 --> 00:16:51 definitely look at but uh my next
00:16:51 --> 00:16:55 question is uh given all of this I know
00:16:55 --> 00:16:59 you said you have a lived experience uh
00:16:59 --> 00:17:00 that means you're a Survivor now so
00:17:00 --> 00:17:02 congratulations than that for
00:17:03 --> 00:17:07 you um are you able to share the pivotal
00:17:07 --> 00:17:10 moment um during your uh lived
00:17:10 --> 00:17:13 experience that you had that uh light
00:17:13 --> 00:17:16 bulb or during the headlight uh moment
00:17:16 --> 00:17:19 where you said this is abuse like I have
00:17:19 --> 00:17:21 to get out like where did you get to
00:17:21 --> 00:17:24 that point if you know my
00:17:24 --> 00:17:26 Shar
00:17:26 --> 00:17:28 so I've had two Liv bit experien
00:17:28 --> 00:17:30 unfortunately the first
00:17:30 --> 00:17:33 one that was abused completely but I
00:17:33 --> 00:17:34 didn't have anywhere else to go so it
00:17:34 --> 00:17:37 was like I'm just going to deal with it
00:17:37 --> 00:17:40 until I can figure it out like I have no
00:17:40 --> 00:17:43 Outlet I can't escape all of my money is
00:17:43 --> 00:17:45 his money so all everything that I make
00:17:45 --> 00:17:48 he takes so until I could figure out
00:17:48 --> 00:17:49 like an escape plan I just had to deal
00:17:49 --> 00:17:52 with that
00:17:52 --> 00:17:54 um my
00:17:54 --> 00:17:56 last last cuz it will never be another
00:17:56 --> 00:18:02 one as ring l heing was more of
00:18:02 --> 00:18:05 a I feel like I could fix him and I felt
00:18:06 --> 00:18:08 like if I left he was going to still
00:18:08 --> 00:18:09 crumble and I didn't want him to crumble
00:18:09 --> 00:18:11 when I left I want him to be able to
00:18:11 --> 00:18:12 stand on his own two
00:18:12 --> 00:18:14 feet and so I just continue to put
00:18:14 --> 00:18:16 myself in the back even though I knew
00:18:16 --> 00:18:18 what he was doing was abusive I was just
00:18:18 --> 00:18:21 like there's I know the the good moments
00:18:21 --> 00:18:22 I know that they can come out I know I
00:18:22 --> 00:18:24 can bring those things out of him like
00:18:24 --> 00:18:26 the substance abuse problem I know I can
00:18:26 --> 00:18:29 fix that I know he's just sick and I
00:18:29 --> 00:18:31 know that he just I think I took over
00:18:31 --> 00:18:34 being a mom and it took me so long to
00:18:34 --> 00:18:36 leave that specific situation because I
00:18:36 --> 00:18:37 felt like I was abandoning one of my
00:18:37 --> 00:18:42 kids oh wow so after all I was just like
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44 it's either me or you like it's getting
00:18:44 --> 00:18:46 too far it's things are going too far
00:18:46 --> 00:18:48 and none of us are safe I'm not
00:18:48 --> 00:18:50 comfortable the kids don't like it
00:18:50 --> 00:18:53 anymore so we're just going to I'm going
00:18:53 --> 00:18:55 to leave that's right because I'm
00:18:55 --> 00:18:57 getting too angry and I'm going to snap
00:18:58 --> 00:18:59 and I'm going to kill you so I need to
00:18:59 --> 00:19:01 leave that's right so I left yeah that
00:19:01 --> 00:19:02 that whole I'm going to kill you I'm
00:19:02 --> 00:19:04 going to talk about that in a little bit
00:19:04 --> 00:19:08 um so for my I'm going to keep you have
00:19:08 --> 00:19:10 a moment cuz that's the
00:19:10 --> 00:19:13 moment that's why was so let me tell you
00:19:13 --> 00:19:17 my experience was um yeah what happened
00:19:17 --> 00:19:22 so what happened was so he hit me twice
00:19:22 --> 00:19:26 right the first time he hit me I was
00:19:26 --> 00:19:28 like okay you know they have that when
00:19:28 --> 00:19:29 they hit you you to have this remorseful
00:19:29 --> 00:19:34 moment no I'm sorry uh I didn't mean to
00:19:34 --> 00:19:35 and I'm so sorry it'll never happen
00:19:35 --> 00:19:38 again you know blah blah blah in the
00:19:38 --> 00:19:41 parage but the second time when he did
00:19:41 --> 00:19:44 it right I was that oh
00:19:44 --> 00:19:46 no oh
00:19:46 --> 00:19:49 no and the first thing that I'm like to
00:19:49 --> 00:19:53 do is um try to guid slide you right
00:19:53 --> 00:19:56 make you feel like you're crazy and they
00:19:56 --> 00:19:59 start the insults and I'll go into some
00:19:59 --> 00:20:01 of the he said I remember him making a
00:20:01 --> 00:20:04 comment to me he said who the he do you
00:20:04 --> 00:20:09 think you are L I think who after to him
00:20:09 --> 00:20:11 and I say
00:20:11 --> 00:20:14 sir and then he tolds wrong I've been
00:20:14 --> 00:20:16 with women who are far far better than
00:20:16 --> 00:20:19 you and if you leave I would have be
00:20:19 --> 00:20:21 with somebody way better than you yeah
00:20:21 --> 00:20:25 and I looked at him and I said sir well
00:20:25 --> 00:20:28 the last time I checked your dad was the
00:20:28 --> 00:20:30 minister of education in your country
00:20:30 --> 00:20:33 cuz he's not from America he's not
00:20:33 --> 00:20:36 American not only that you're very
00:20:36 --> 00:20:39 intelligent man and if your dad taught
00:20:39 --> 00:20:43 you very well he wouldn't tell you to
00:20:43 --> 00:20:46 leave a woman who is better than me and
00:20:46 --> 00:20:50 stoop so low and come dat me that's
00:20:50 --> 00:20:54 number one right and I said the next
00:20:54 --> 00:20:56 time you touch
00:20:56 --> 00:20:59 me and I took one of the
00:20:59 --> 00:21:01 uh mirrors in the living room I slamed
00:21:01 --> 00:21:03 on the floor I said the next time you
00:21:03 --> 00:21:07 touch me somebody is going 6' under it
00:21:07 --> 00:21:09 ain't going to be
00:21:09 --> 00:21:12 me so the next thing I did the next day
00:21:12 --> 00:21:13 I went to look for another apartment and
00:21:13 --> 00:21:15 I was a
00:21:15 --> 00:21:18 out ladyes you got to be strong yeah you
00:21:18 --> 00:21:19 got to fight for
00:21:19 --> 00:21:22 yourself especially when the men too you
00:21:22 --> 00:21:24 got to be strong and fight for yourself
00:21:24 --> 00:21:26 yeah especially when they try to like
00:21:26 --> 00:21:30 bring you down with the comparing you to
00:21:30 --> 00:21:32 woman that they've had before or the
00:21:32 --> 00:21:36 fake options that they have now or
00:21:36 --> 00:21:38 options that they can have later in the
00:21:38 --> 00:21:41 future was after you or before you don't
00:21:41 --> 00:21:43 really matter if that's what you got
00:21:43 --> 00:21:46 going right now and then on top of that
00:21:46 --> 00:21:50 someone can look far better better than
00:21:50 --> 00:21:53 you but they're never going to be you so
00:21:53 --> 00:21:56 just be yourself and what's supposed to
00:21:56 --> 00:21:57 come to you will come to you that's
00:21:57 --> 00:22:00 right yeah so we have this um training
00:22:00 --> 00:22:04 program that prepares people to support
00:22:04 --> 00:22:07 and kind of understand DV more and one
00:22:07 --> 00:22:10 thing we talk about is how it's mental
00:22:11 --> 00:22:14 first it never starts with the physical
00:22:14 --> 00:22:18 and how the mental is so intense that it
00:22:18 --> 00:22:23 makes you kind of lose reality and have
00:22:23 --> 00:22:26 like this skewed version so when we're
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28 saying these kinds of like examp
00:22:28 --> 00:22:31 examples and things sometimes from the
00:22:31 --> 00:22:32 outside looking in it's like oh girl
00:22:32 --> 00:22:34 like why would you listen to that but
00:22:34 --> 00:22:37 it's like when you're in it yes and it's
00:22:37 --> 00:22:40 gradual and built up and layered it gets
00:22:40 --> 00:22:45 very um confusing and just overwhelming
00:22:45 --> 00:22:46 and
00:22:46 --> 00:22:50 complex um and so people end up like in
00:22:50 --> 00:22:53 a mental jail and they feel trapped and
00:22:53 --> 00:22:55 confused and and sometimes internalize a
00:22:55 --> 00:22:57 lot of these things as if they're truth
00:22:57 --> 00:22:59 yes and when we're talking about this I
00:22:59 --> 00:23:01 think it's important that the audience
00:23:01 --> 00:23:04 recognizes that being in it versus being
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06 outside of it are two completely
00:23:06 --> 00:23:10 different senses of reality and it takes
00:23:10 --> 00:23:12 a lot for someone to have the mental
00:23:12 --> 00:23:16 strength to peel back the lies to refine
00:23:16 --> 00:23:20 their truth refine themselves and then
00:23:20 --> 00:23:22 create a plan where they can escape
00:23:22 --> 00:23:25 safely yeah and Escape could mean
00:23:25 --> 00:23:27 breaking up it could be moving out it
00:23:27 --> 00:23:30 could be whatever the situation is um
00:23:30 --> 00:23:33 but there's a level of fear concern um
00:23:33 --> 00:23:38 and just messed up um sense of self you
00:23:38 --> 00:23:41 know yeah and we know from our research
00:23:41 --> 00:23:45 that most homicide take place um after
00:23:45 --> 00:23:49 the partner lives the domestic violence
00:23:49 --> 00:23:52 situation yeah so it's very dangerous so
00:23:53 --> 00:23:53 um
00:23:53 --> 00:23:56 just saying that because uh when you see
00:23:56 --> 00:23:58 somebody going through domestic violence
00:23:58 --> 00:24:00 um it's very important that you are
00:24:00 --> 00:24:01 mindful with the way you approach them
00:24:01 --> 00:24:03 you never really want to just walk up to
00:24:03 --> 00:24:05 them and just tell them hey why can't
00:24:05 --> 00:24:07 you just leave you just leave you you it
00:24:07 --> 00:24:10 out it's so many factors going to leave
00:24:10 --> 00:24:13 she leave yeah it's so many factors that
00:24:13 --> 00:24:16 go into it financi Financial go to your
00:24:16 --> 00:24:19 finances could be a problem children
00:24:19 --> 00:24:22 children where accommodation where you
00:24:22 --> 00:24:25 say all that it's like support even
00:24:25 --> 00:24:27 family members sometimes and I know
00:24:27 --> 00:24:30 religion son girl let's not
00:24:30 --> 00:24:33 D you
00:24:33 --> 00:24:37 know I just to say that I throw out an
00:24:37 --> 00:24:40 invitation out there like in the future
00:24:40 --> 00:24:44 I would lie for a a religious leader or
00:24:44 --> 00:24:47 like a pastor or just someone of fi I
00:24:47 --> 00:24:51 want to have a conversation about um why
00:24:51 --> 00:24:53 is it that you
00:24:53 --> 00:24:58 know like our religion is not a safe not
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59 I'm not saying it's not a safe haven it
00:25:00 --> 00:25:02 is a safe haven but when I look at the
00:25:02 --> 00:25:04 Erica's Lighthouse study actually I have
00:25:04 --> 00:25:08 this paper here they did a survey just
00:25:08 --> 00:25:10 um asking students in different high
00:25:10 --> 00:25:13 schools and when I looked at the results
00:25:13 --> 00:25:15 for all the high schools that they did
00:25:15 --> 00:25:20 this stuff study on in Delaware
00:25:20 --> 00:25:25 um religious leader where they list um
00:25:25 --> 00:25:27 people that people with domestic
00:25:27 --> 00:25:29 violence will go to to for help or
00:25:29 --> 00:25:32 support yeah so this the question was
00:25:32 --> 00:25:34 which of the following are examples of
00:25:34 --> 00:25:35 who could be a trusted
00:25:35 --> 00:25:38 adult all right number one on the list
00:25:38 --> 00:25:41 was were parents parents and guidance
00:25:41 --> 00:25:44 and then uh second on the list were uh
00:25:44 --> 00:25:47 mental and health professionals and then
00:25:47 --> 00:25:49 third on the list with
00:25:49 --> 00:25:52 teachers coaches and last on the list
00:25:52 --> 00:25:56 with was religion yeah religious leaders
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59 I feel like on that definitely would
00:25:59 --> 00:26:02 probably depend on the audience the
00:26:02 --> 00:26:07 group that was um surveyed just because
00:26:07 --> 00:26:11 um this generation now a lot of them
00:26:11 --> 00:26:14 well a lot of what I see don't really
00:26:14 --> 00:26:16 prioritize their religion as much or
00:26:16 --> 00:26:19 they're not as connected or in depth
00:26:19 --> 00:26:22 with their religion and the other things
00:26:22 --> 00:26:25 in their life take over you know just
00:26:25 --> 00:26:29 the Sunday so um you know like I said
00:26:29 --> 00:26:31 they probably don't even really have a
00:26:31 --> 00:26:35 connection or know their U religious
00:26:35 --> 00:26:38 leader but as far as a parent or a
00:26:38 --> 00:26:40 teacher or a counselor at your school
00:26:40 --> 00:26:41 you see them every day throughout the
00:26:41 --> 00:26:43 week yeah so I wouldn't want to
00:26:43 --> 00:26:46 necessarily put it in the negative space
00:26:46 --> 00:26:50 just because um I'm Christian I go to
00:26:50 --> 00:26:52 church on Sundays and stuff like that
00:26:52 --> 00:26:56 and your religious leader could be a
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57 pastor for somebody but my religious
00:26:57 --> 00:26:59 leader was will be God so I can go pray
00:27:00 --> 00:27:03 correct and not everyone thinks that way
00:27:03 --> 00:27:05 not everyone has that type of connection
00:27:05 --> 00:27:07 with God yeah and there's a lot of the
00:27:07 --> 00:27:10 religion some that's not kind of
00:27:10 --> 00:27:13 prioritize yeah you know that um you
00:27:13 --> 00:27:18 know like the the power control
00:27:18 --> 00:27:22 oh yeah so in some spaces you know
00:27:22 --> 00:27:25 religious abuse is a type of DV so it
00:27:25 --> 00:27:27 just depends on you know the group the
00:27:27 --> 00:27:30 belief system group and even like what
00:27:30 --> 00:27:32 kind of situation just like with parents
00:27:32 --> 00:27:34 sometimes parents can be like very much
00:27:34 --> 00:27:36 a protective space and sometimes prayers
00:27:36 --> 00:27:38 can be very much like stand by the man
00:27:38 --> 00:27:41 like so it just depends you know and a
00:27:41 --> 00:27:45 lot of it is um misconstrued for the
00:27:45 --> 00:27:48 favor of you know somebody that is you
00:27:48 --> 00:27:49 know doing those type of things
00:27:50 --> 00:27:52 absolutely sir yeah then I really like
00:27:52 --> 00:27:54 the fact that though um they were the
00:27:54 --> 00:27:57 first options were the parents you know
00:27:57 --> 00:27:59 but that also so tells me that as
00:27:59 --> 00:28:01 parents we have a role to play because
00:28:01 --> 00:28:05 this is someone that every we your
00:28:05 --> 00:28:08 children really really trust you you as
00:28:08 --> 00:28:11 number one trust so um the type of value
00:28:11 --> 00:28:14 you instill with the instill in them the
00:28:14 --> 00:28:16 boundaries you teach them how to set and
00:28:16 --> 00:28:19 respect really really matters and with
00:28:19 --> 00:28:23 the parents tell me if you all cuz has
00:28:23 --> 00:28:26 everyone here experienced some level of
00:28:26 --> 00:28:30 DV like growing up yeah okay so have you
00:28:30 --> 00:28:33 with your parents for example felt like
00:28:33 --> 00:28:35 you could communicate
00:28:35 --> 00:28:42 openly about dating or about unhealthy
00:28:42 --> 00:28:45 dating cuz me personally I didn't yeah I
00:28:45 --> 00:28:47 know felt like oh I got to I'm dealing
00:28:47 --> 00:28:48 with this on my own because they don't
00:28:49 --> 00:28:53 even want me out here yeah um I'm
00:28:53 --> 00:28:55 definitely one of those type of people
00:28:55 --> 00:28:58 like I've
00:28:58 --> 00:29:00 I just never even like I was a tomboy
00:29:00 --> 00:29:01 and everything like I didn't even want
00:29:02 --> 00:29:04 to a boyfriend or anything at some point
00:29:04 --> 00:29:06 but when I did I definitely kept it a
00:29:06 --> 00:29:08 secret cuz I was like oh my God I'm
00:29:08 --> 00:29:11 going to have to tell my mom everything
00:29:11 --> 00:29:14 and um just let her know it
00:29:14 --> 00:29:16 felt I don't know like you know just
00:29:16 --> 00:29:18 being a little kid like it just was like
00:29:18 --> 00:29:19 embarrassing like oh my God I got a
00:29:19 --> 00:29:22 boyfriend B so my I have to S my mom I
00:29:22 --> 00:29:24 got a boyfriend and stuff she going like
00:29:24 --> 00:29:26 I can't do this and do that and I hope
00:29:26 --> 00:29:28 she would be blaming everything
00:29:28 --> 00:29:30 oh I'm going to clean my room today cuz
00:29:30 --> 00:29:33 my I got a boyfriend right ain't nobody
00:29:33 --> 00:29:35 coming
00:29:35 --> 00:29:38 over isue that parents will have with
00:29:38 --> 00:29:40 their kids yeah and then um you know you
00:29:40 --> 00:29:43 know how black communities are most
00:29:43 --> 00:29:45 times like when you do get a boyfriend
00:29:45 --> 00:29:47 that's when people start to assume that
00:29:47 --> 00:29:49 you're doing other things um I was an
00:29:49 --> 00:29:54 innocent child thankfully and I you know
00:29:54 --> 00:29:56 was one of the one of the kids that
00:29:56 --> 00:29:58 wasn't you know moving fast but it was
00:29:58 --> 00:30:00 labeled on anything and everything once
00:30:00 --> 00:30:03 you did get a boyriend yep so stuff like
00:30:03 --> 00:30:07 that but I definitely did not want to
00:30:07 --> 00:30:10 tell my mom but when I did I slipped up
00:30:10 --> 00:30:12 and told her and she was pretty chill
00:30:12 --> 00:30:14 about it wasn't too
00:30:14 --> 00:30:18 crazy yeah yeah just accepting the fact
00:30:18 --> 00:30:21 that your daughter is growing and she's
00:30:21 --> 00:30:23 just approaching the next stage of life
00:30:23 --> 00:30:26 and just welcoming it and um talk it to
00:30:26 --> 00:30:29 her or him
00:30:29 --> 00:30:31 educating him on things life experiences
00:30:31 --> 00:30:33 you've had is also important there never
00:30:33 --> 00:30:36 really a time that is too soon to
00:30:36 --> 00:30:38 disclose certain information yes uh if
00:30:38 --> 00:30:40 you've been through life experiences
00:30:41 --> 00:30:43 that you learn lessons from you could
00:30:43 --> 00:30:45 just disclose that does anybody have any
00:30:45 --> 00:30:47 like personal experiences they want to
00:30:47 --> 00:30:52 share with like DB either through well
00:30:52 --> 00:30:53 say I can share with like the parent
00:30:53 --> 00:30:56 part that comes to dating um me and my
00:30:56 --> 00:30:58 mom have a very very close Bond she was
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59 one of the first people honestly that I
00:30:59 --> 00:31:01 was able to tell when I even got my
00:31:01 --> 00:31:04 first boyfriend it's so hard I feel like
00:31:04 --> 00:31:05 from the bond that we have like I want
00:31:06 --> 00:31:07 to say something and she's very open
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09 she's very
00:31:09 --> 00:31:12 like she's not like protective in a way
00:31:12 --> 00:31:14 where like she wants to be controlling
00:31:14 --> 00:31:16 but she wants to be able to play a role
00:31:16 --> 00:31:17 in my life where she understands like
00:31:17 --> 00:31:20 she understands that her responses can
00:31:20 --> 00:31:22 dictate whether I want to keep sharing
00:31:22 --> 00:31:24 or not so when I explained to her like
00:31:24 --> 00:31:26 oh yes this someone I'm talking to she
00:31:26 --> 00:31:27 wasn't like saying something like why do
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28 you you feel like you made a boyfriend
00:31:28 --> 00:31:30 at this age or oh you should be focusing
00:31:30 --> 00:31:33 on school she was like okay um you know
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35 what made you want to do this um tell me
00:31:35 --> 00:31:37 about him tell me like how how are
00:31:37 --> 00:31:39 things going for you guys she was like
00:31:39 --> 00:31:41 invested and wanted to learn more about
00:31:41 --> 00:31:44 me and understand why I chose to do that
00:31:44 --> 00:31:47 so with the way that went I'm very open
00:31:47 --> 00:31:48 with her with honestly all of my
00:31:48 --> 00:31:50 relationships anything I'm glad to have
00:31:50 --> 00:31:53 that bomb because she's been she's lived
00:31:53 --> 00:31:54 through that type of experience as well
00:31:54 --> 00:31:56 so she was able to give me guidance as
00:31:56 --> 00:31:58 well too in her experiences as well so I
00:31:58 --> 00:32:00 was very grateful for that yeah is
00:32:00 --> 00:32:05 that's awesome okay good now um with uh
00:32:05 --> 00:32:07 domestic
00:32:07 --> 00:32:11 violence what support do you think or
00:32:11 --> 00:32:13 you do you feel like you would have
00:32:13 --> 00:32:15 gotten that would have helped you or
00:32:15 --> 00:32:16 what resources do you think would have
00:32:16 --> 00:32:18 helped you in your situation like you
00:32:18 --> 00:32:22 would say you had no Avenue to run to
00:32:22 --> 00:32:25 your first and your second sit uh uh
00:32:25 --> 00:32:27 circumstances um
00:32:28 --> 00:32:30 family with family member an option
00:32:30 --> 00:32:33 organizations did you have I mean like
00:32:33 --> 00:32:35 therapy what do you think would have
00:32:35 --> 00:32:38 helped you I don't really feel like at
00:32:38 --> 00:32:40 my age group our parents this was a
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41 conversation that they had this was not
00:32:41 --> 00:32:43 like a big thing that they talked about
00:32:43 --> 00:32:46 in the community
00:32:46 --> 00:32:49 so the best thing that I would say is
00:32:49 --> 00:32:52 for parents no matter what you feel like
00:32:52 --> 00:32:54 your child may go through is to educate
00:32:54 --> 00:32:56 yourself on domestic violence the
00:32:56 --> 00:32:58 different types of domestic violence and
00:32:58 --> 00:32:59 then look for the resources because if
00:32:59 --> 00:33:01 your kid goes through that and you've
00:33:01 --> 00:33:03 never experienced it you can't help them
00:33:03 --> 00:33:06 you can't even say oh let me figure out
00:33:06 --> 00:33:08 if you haven't tried to figure that out
00:33:08 --> 00:33:10 prior to your kid coming to you saying
00:33:10 --> 00:33:12 like this is what I'm going through I'm
00:33:12 --> 00:33:16 getting my head hit into walls your mind
00:33:16 --> 00:33:18 is not going to be like okay let me find
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19 researchers your mind is going to be
00:33:19 --> 00:33:21 like I'm going to kill him and his whole
00:33:21 --> 00:33:24 entire family except instead of yeah
00:33:24 --> 00:33:27 being able to okay I've already prepared
00:33:27 --> 00:33:30 for this just in case it's the resources
00:33:30 --> 00:33:31 out there that people don't know they're
00:33:31 --> 00:33:35 like hidden you have to find your way
00:33:35 --> 00:33:36 yeah and that's one of the reason you
00:33:36 --> 00:33:38 also mention that because black mothers
00:33:38 --> 00:33:40 in power have like different resources
00:33:40 --> 00:33:42 to support people or going through
00:33:42 --> 00:33:44 domestic violence if you need somebody
00:33:44 --> 00:33:47 to talk to or you need a Dueler that
00:33:47 --> 00:33:49 specializes in that area uh they're here
00:33:49 --> 00:33:53 to um assist you in the process um we
00:33:53 --> 00:33:57 should be giving our number later um
00:33:57 --> 00:34:01 before end of the show and um just for
00:34:01 --> 00:34:04 for for anyone to just contact and get
00:34:04 --> 00:34:06 some support if they need to because I
00:34:06 --> 00:34:09 feel like that communication gap that we
00:34:09 --> 00:34:11 started with is definitely missing and
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 it's something that we need to break the
00:34:12 --> 00:34:14 Gap and just make that POS a bit but
00:34:14 --> 00:34:17 people have a means of communication or
00:34:17 --> 00:34:19 where to call or who to call and stay
00:34:19 --> 00:34:21 Anonymous a lot of people sometimes
00:34:21 --> 00:34:23 don't want their business out there they
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24 just want to keep it strictly with
00:34:24 --> 00:34:28 somebody uh so definitely uh a good
00:34:28 --> 00:34:31 a way to sickly Ed yeah and I think we
00:34:31 --> 00:34:33 should focus on prevention like I love
00:34:33 --> 00:34:36 that you guys are in college right now
00:34:36 --> 00:34:38 you're in the spaces of and we even talk
00:34:38 --> 00:34:40 about with like teens in high Middle
00:34:40 --> 00:34:44 School like these are spaces where you
00:34:44 --> 00:34:46 typically learn from your peers right
00:34:46 --> 00:34:49 more so than any other adult that's
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50 you're around right you're with you're
00:34:50 --> 00:34:53 in school over 8 hours a day after
00:34:53 --> 00:34:55 school activities extra extracurriculars
00:34:55 --> 00:34:56 like you're talking to your friends more
00:34:56 --> 00:34:59 intimately about everything going on
00:34:59 --> 00:35:02 then your parent that's and so if we
00:35:02 --> 00:35:04 focus on like giving the tools early so
00:35:04 --> 00:35:08 that they can educate each other I think
00:35:08 --> 00:35:10 that's going to go a longer way than
00:35:10 --> 00:35:13 trying to heal and provide resources for
00:35:13 --> 00:35:16 after the fact you know on yeah yeah I'd
00:35:16 --> 00:35:18 like to share on that actually that you
00:35:18 --> 00:35:20 said that because I know for me when I
00:35:20 --> 00:35:22 was going through my situation as well
00:35:22 --> 00:35:24 um and it was when I was at Delaware
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26 State University I was a freshman at the
00:35:26 --> 00:35:28 time it was during Co so was 2020 there
00:35:28 --> 00:35:30 were no inperson classes there was no
00:35:30 --> 00:35:32 events there was nothing going on so we
00:35:32 --> 00:35:34 were really just there to be in our
00:35:34 --> 00:35:37 rooms join the class virtually and that
00:35:37 --> 00:35:38 was really it like there was nothing
00:35:38 --> 00:35:40 really to like get out right so during
00:35:40 --> 00:35:42 that time like my ex-boyfriend I had at
00:35:42 --> 00:35:44 the time like he basically just stayed
00:35:44 --> 00:35:45 in my room at the time like we it was
00:35:45 --> 00:35:47 just basically like a roommate situation
00:35:47 --> 00:35:51 like from there and for me I'm 6 hours
00:35:51 --> 00:35:53 away from home um I live in Upstate New
00:35:53 --> 00:35:56 York and the reason I usually I explain
00:35:56 --> 00:35:58 that I do feel comfortable talking to my
00:35:58 --> 00:36:00 mom about things but I feel like because
00:36:00 --> 00:36:02 of the fact that I was 6 hours away I
00:36:02 --> 00:36:04 did not want to tell her that I was
00:36:04 --> 00:36:06 going through that I honestly wasn't
00:36:06 --> 00:36:08 open to talking to anyone about it
00:36:08 --> 00:36:10 because I knew that if I told somebody
00:36:10 --> 00:36:12 about it they would try to do things to
00:36:12 --> 00:36:13 encourage me to leave and I just knew
00:36:13 --> 00:36:15 that I wasn't at that point where I felt
00:36:15 --> 00:36:18 comfortable doing that so I kept it to
00:36:18 --> 00:36:21 myself for months like probably a good
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22 four months past where I even explained
00:36:22 --> 00:36:25 it to one to anyone and the person that
00:36:25 --> 00:36:26 it was was actually his mom because we
00:36:26 --> 00:36:29 had a very close Bond when I explained
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31 to her what was going on she explained
00:36:31 --> 00:36:34 to me that his father which was her
00:36:34 --> 00:36:37 ex-husband at the time used to put his
00:36:37 --> 00:36:39 hands on her as well he was like she was
00:36:39 --> 00:36:40 saying you
00:36:40 --> 00:36:43 know although like her and the husband
00:36:43 --> 00:36:45 are together anymore maybe because the
00:36:45 --> 00:36:46 way like they grew up and he was growing
00:36:46 --> 00:36:49 up seeing those things that's kind of
00:36:49 --> 00:36:51 maybe why that happened she did have a
00:36:51 --> 00:36:52 conversation with him and tried to like
00:36:52 --> 00:36:54 say like you know don't try to be like
00:36:54 --> 00:36:56 your dad like yes I'm sorry that you
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57 were raised that way but like maybe try
00:36:57 --> 00:36:59 to grow and be different don't try to be
00:36:59 --> 00:37:02 like him but it really didn't help the
00:37:02 --> 00:37:04 situation and after some time like I did
00:37:04 --> 00:37:08 try to go to um campus security on
00:37:08 --> 00:37:10 campus months later well at first before
00:37:10 --> 00:37:12 I even got that support I told a
00:37:12 --> 00:37:14 professor she was my psychology
00:37:14 --> 00:37:16 Professor um I don't know what made me
00:37:16 --> 00:37:17 tell her I guess I just felt more
00:37:17 --> 00:37:19 comfortable saying it in that space
00:37:19 --> 00:37:20 considering she had the knowledge but I
00:37:21 --> 00:37:23 do right she was but I told her that I
00:37:23 --> 00:37:26 didn't know what to do about it um I
00:37:26 --> 00:37:28 would just text text her tell her what's
00:37:28 --> 00:37:30 going on and everything like that and
00:37:30 --> 00:37:32 after a certain point she called campus
00:37:32 --> 00:37:34 security for me cuz she knew I wasn't
00:37:34 --> 00:37:37 going to do it um but when I talked to
00:37:37 --> 00:37:38 them I'm sorry they were not there were
00:37:38 --> 00:37:40 no help at all it was absolutely
00:37:40 --> 00:37:42 terrible it was very
00:37:42 --> 00:37:44 um I can't even I can't think of the
00:37:44 --> 00:37:46 word but there were no help at all if
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47 anything I could say that they actually
00:37:47 --> 00:37:50 made the situation worse because of the
00:37:50 --> 00:37:53 fact that like they weren't really like
00:37:53 --> 00:37:56 on my side I didn't know that early on I
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57 should have known from the first
00:37:57 --> 00:37:59 question they asked me oh well when was
00:37:59 --> 00:38:00 the last time you were sexually like
00:38:00 --> 00:38:01 when was the last time you guys have
00:38:01 --> 00:38:03 done anything sexual are you leading him
00:38:03 --> 00:38:05 on are you doing anything to provoke
00:38:05 --> 00:38:08 him like the first questions that the
00:38:08 --> 00:38:10 actors that they think yeah discourages
00:38:10 --> 00:38:14 most victims uh the survivors from even
00:38:14 --> 00:38:16 getting help is because if you go get
00:38:16 --> 00:38:18 help the first time and they say these
00:38:18 --> 00:38:20 type of things or they act this way or
00:38:20 --> 00:38:22 it makes the situation worse what more
00:38:22 --> 00:38:25 can you go do exactly exactly yeah and I
00:38:25 --> 00:38:26 felt like when you look at the
00:38:26 --> 00:38:29 definition of of um domestic violence in
00:38:29 --> 00:38:32 general it's it's a whole Spectrum right
00:38:32 --> 00:38:33 have physical sexual and things like
00:38:33 --> 00:38:37 that but I feel like people or even
00:38:37 --> 00:38:39 authorities focused on physical like if
00:38:39 --> 00:38:41 it's not physical if he didn't hit you
00:38:41 --> 00:38:43 like even if they show up they would
00:38:43 --> 00:38:45 leave would just after you just this
00:38:45 --> 00:38:47 questions that in your head you're like
00:38:47 --> 00:38:49 oh my God like why you in make me put
00:38:50 --> 00:38:52 even more uncomfortable right so I just
00:38:52 --> 00:38:55 feel like maybe our um system need we
00:38:55 --> 00:38:57 need more training AB people need more
00:38:57 --> 00:38:59 training cuz I like you know lot of
00:38:59 --> 00:39:01 forcement who Des SP to this situation
00:39:01 --> 00:39:04 is they that's the thing with Society
00:39:04 --> 00:39:07 like at one point they didn't even have
00:39:07 --> 00:39:11 any like domestic um laws or any rape
00:39:11 --> 00:39:13 laws or anything it was called like a
00:39:13 --> 00:39:17 sedu like the you can't seduce anyone
00:39:17 --> 00:39:19 when it was never really that it was
00:39:19 --> 00:39:22 always like a lack of respect to a
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23 woman's boundaries who you don't but
00:39:23 --> 00:39:26 know or if you do know them it makes it
00:39:26 --> 00:39:28 even worse cuz just like now that's
00:39:28 --> 00:39:31 right right the woman at fault right
00:39:31 --> 00:39:34 always um you know the victim blaming
00:39:34 --> 00:39:36 especially even this not one of those
00:39:36 --> 00:39:38 situations where you blame a
00:39:38 --> 00:39:42 victim yeah so um yeah now I really like
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44 the fact that you guys are in college or
00:39:44 --> 00:39:47 still very at that age and you guys have
00:39:47 --> 00:39:49 a movement um can you talk about that a
00:39:49 --> 00:39:52 little bit yeah um so that with that
00:39:52 --> 00:39:54 situation that occurred um I didn't
00:39:54 --> 00:39:56 really feel comfortable talking with
00:39:56 --> 00:39:59 faculty at the time any of them the
00:39:59 --> 00:40:01 campus security title 9 any of them
00:40:01 --> 00:40:03 because they were really no help they
00:40:03 --> 00:40:04 just made it worse they just kept saying
00:40:04 --> 00:40:06 giving much of like false promises well
00:40:06 --> 00:40:09 empty promises so that's when I took the
00:40:09 --> 00:40:11 time to look to Suda organization that's
00:40:11 --> 00:40:12 the organization that we're both in now
00:40:12 --> 00:40:15 gracefully igniting voices everywhere um
00:40:15 --> 00:40:16 it's to advocate for students who have
00:40:16 --> 00:40:18 gone through any domestic violence or
00:40:18 --> 00:40:20 sexual assault and then also to promote
00:40:20 --> 00:40:25 a well um yeah which is exactly why you
00:40:25 --> 00:40:26 know I was one of the reasons like you
00:40:26 --> 00:40:28 said why I was able to why I wanted to
00:40:28 --> 00:40:30 come and speak on this as well so when I
00:40:30 --> 00:40:34 spoke to them I was there with a lot of
00:40:34 --> 00:40:36 emotion and I'm like I really want to um
00:40:36 --> 00:40:38 you know help with this cause because of
00:40:38 --> 00:40:40 what I went through but from what I
00:40:40 --> 00:40:43 learned from there on was that I needed
00:40:43 --> 00:40:44 to heal first before I could even help
00:40:44 --> 00:40:48 any because I would just I would go to
00:40:48 --> 00:40:50 these events and these meetings talking
00:40:50 --> 00:40:53 about this and I would just be angry the
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54 whole time I couldn't help anybody when
00:40:54 --> 00:40:56 I'm just thinking about what happened to
00:40:56 --> 00:40:59 me and like every that yeah I was very
00:40:59 --> 00:41:01 all the time all the time yes I had to
00:41:02 --> 00:41:04 learn to heal myself and then also learn
00:41:04 --> 00:41:08 to AB theate by educating myself on it
00:41:08 --> 00:41:09 because just because I went through
00:41:09 --> 00:41:10 something like that does not mean I'm
00:41:10 --> 00:41:12 educated on it as well I needed to take
00:41:12 --> 00:41:14 the time to look and learn and I'm
00:41:14 --> 00:41:16 honestly so grateful for um the
00:41:16 --> 00:41:18 organization as well and the way and it
00:41:18 --> 00:41:19 played a part in my life and which is
00:41:19 --> 00:41:21 why I'm still a part of it now
00:41:21 --> 00:41:24 yes I'm very happy that I've met the
00:41:24 --> 00:41:26 people room board espec especially
00:41:26 --> 00:41:28 Trinity here you know she's just a
00:41:28 --> 00:41:30 really nice person and you know it just
00:41:30 --> 00:41:32 sucks that anyone has to go through
00:41:32 --> 00:41:35 anything just to be a beautiful
00:41:35 --> 00:41:37 person and you know you went through
00:41:38 --> 00:41:40 some stuff that wasn't meant to happen
00:41:40 --> 00:41:43 to you um as well as you know the
00:41:43 --> 00:41:46 organization we're advocating for Sexual
00:41:46 --> 00:41:49 Assault Awareness and um mental health
00:41:49 --> 00:41:51 domestic violence all those things and
00:41:51 --> 00:41:54 giving our peers a comfort space because
00:41:54 --> 00:41:55 like she said she wasn't comfortable
00:41:55 --> 00:41:59 going to anyone else but you can lead
00:41:59 --> 00:42:02 and Inspire your peers by seeing it done
00:42:02 --> 00:42:04 by someone that looks like you someone
00:42:04 --> 00:42:08 that's just like you so yeah I feel like
00:42:08 --> 00:42:10 this organization and being on campus
00:42:10 --> 00:42:12 and us being at our age can really you
00:42:12 --> 00:42:15 know allow people to know like it it can
00:42:15 --> 00:42:18 be at any age and like you said people
00:42:18 --> 00:42:20 that grew up with those type of things
00:42:20 --> 00:42:22 you can see like this not the right way
00:42:22 --> 00:42:23 to go about it you know that was your
00:42:23 --> 00:42:26 environment this isn't no this no longer
00:42:26 --> 00:42:28 is your environment and that isn't how
00:42:28 --> 00:42:29 you have to be right and not to bring it
00:42:29 --> 00:42:31 into and not to
00:42:31 --> 00:42:33 bring you will not bring your ghetto
00:42:33 --> 00:42:36 here yeah all right and I have a quote
00:42:36 --> 00:42:41 uh from Mara Angelo she said I did then
00:42:41 --> 00:42:44 what I knew how to do now that I know
00:42:44 --> 00:42:48 better I do better yeah all right so
00:42:48 --> 00:42:50 keep that in mind and also again my
00:42:50 --> 00:42:54 message to you do not ignore the warning
00:42:54 --> 00:42:57 signs if you need help black mothers and
00:42:57 --> 00:42:59 hours we're here to support you our
00:42:59 --> 00:43:04 first goord zakay and uh we're going to
00:43:04 --> 00:43:06 leave some information uh on how you can
00:43:06 --> 00:43:08 contact black Motors empowers and the
00:43:08 --> 00:43:12 different duelist we Services we offer
00:43:12 --> 00:43:14 and uh just help you guys get the
00:43:14 --> 00:43:17 support that you need um and one last
00:43:17 --> 00:43:18 question that I have for if we have a
00:43:19 --> 00:43:23 few minutes uh if you had the power to
00:43:23 --> 00:43:25 create a change in your community or
00:43:25 --> 00:43:26 Society other than what you're currently
00:43:26 --> 00:43:29 doing and what would that
00:43:29 --> 00:43:32 be well one of them for me is something
00:43:32 --> 00:43:34 that I'm currently doing but it's taking
00:43:34 --> 00:43:36 progress right now so I'll speak on that
00:43:36 --> 00:43:40 um so in 2023 at Dela State University
00:43:40 --> 00:43:42 after we had a protest after they found
00:43:42 --> 00:43:45 out um another there was an officer who
00:43:45 --> 00:43:46 also mishandled another sexual assault
00:43:46 --> 00:43:50 case we had a protest on campus um I was
00:43:50 --> 00:43:52 able to attend that um protest and we
00:43:52 --> 00:43:53 were able to have a meeting with the
00:43:53 --> 00:43:56 dean right after with our concerns and
00:43:56 --> 00:43:58 that's when State University came up
00:43:58 --> 00:44:00 with the safe space Coalition um and
00:44:00 --> 00:44:03 that Coalition is basically to make sure
00:44:03 --> 00:44:06 to have faculty members such as theine
00:44:06 --> 00:44:08 um the president of the organization
00:44:08 --> 00:44:10 campus security title 9 counseling all
00:44:10 --> 00:44:12 come together to make sure that these
00:44:12 --> 00:44:16 cases are getting solved properly and
00:44:16 --> 00:44:18 that um that they're coming up with new
00:44:18 --> 00:44:19 different ways like different
00:44:19 --> 00:44:20 initiatives to make sure that this
00:44:20 --> 00:44:22 doesn't keep happening in the future and
00:44:22 --> 00:44:24 I'm so glad to be a part of that
00:44:24 --> 00:44:25 Coalition I'm one of the student
00:44:25 --> 00:44:27 representatives for that so now for me
00:44:27 --> 00:44:29 like that's kind of what I'm doing now
00:44:29 --> 00:44:31 I'm taking the time to not just get
00:44:31 --> 00:44:33 angry get mad and just also be able to
00:44:33 --> 00:44:36 Advocate but also be a part of that
00:44:36 --> 00:44:37 system where they're coming up with
00:44:37 --> 00:44:39 different initiatives and that's kind of
00:44:39 --> 00:44:40 like the work I do now with coming up
00:44:40 --> 00:44:42 with different initiatives on campus B
00:44:42 --> 00:44:44 is
00:44:44 --> 00:44:47 so very proud of you think anybody else
00:44:47 --> 00:44:49 want to
00:44:49 --> 00:44:52 share it's a lot it's a
00:44:52 --> 00:44:56 lot it's a lot listen we could talk
00:44:56 --> 00:44:58 about this for hours it's a lot all day
00:44:58 --> 00:45:02 it feel like it's been 20
00:45:02 --> 00:45:04 minutes right yeah for time sakes we
00:45:04 --> 00:45:06 won't hold on on that question cuz it
00:45:06 --> 00:45:09 can go into that yeah correct correct
00:45:09 --> 00:45:10 all right well it's a pleasure having
00:45:10 --> 00:45:14 you guys it was my thank you so much and
00:45:14 --> 00:45:16 I have something for you guys keep this
00:45:16 --> 00:45:20 gra gift for yes
00:45:20 --> 00:45:24 oh thank you for coming given that it's
00:45:25 --> 00:45:28 V man yeah we had to make sure they were
00:45:28 --> 00:45:31 Orange
00:45:31 --> 00:45:34 right thank you there for you my guest
00:45:34 --> 00:45:37 thank you so much you're very welcome
00:45:37 --> 00:45:40 and thank you I want to give you my
00:45:40 --> 00:45:44 disy I Dr and S clothes un customized
00:45:44 --> 00:45:46 clothes and not but let's see what's in
00:45:47 --> 00:45:50 the fall can we open them
00:45:50 --> 00:45:55 yes yeah your M walk that's just a token
00:45:55 --> 00:45:59 of love from love Mother power and Liz
00:45:59 --> 00:46:02 McKenzie I want to mess up your B from
00:46:02 --> 00:46:03 the
00:46:03 --> 00:46:08 [Music]
00:46:12 --> 00:46:16 city oh yes I love
00:46:16 --> 00:46:18 socks no I love when people give me
00:46:18 --> 00:46:22 socks like thank you so yeah this is oh
00:46:22 --> 00:46:24 this is really sweet thank you thank you
00:46:24 --> 00:46:26 guys to being here for sharing thank you
00:46:26 --> 00:46:29 for coming yes thank you and sharing and
00:46:29 --> 00:46:32 know it's difficult to just come here
00:46:32 --> 00:46:36 and open up um and talk we just pray and
00:46:36 --> 00:46:39 hope that your message will resonate and
00:46:39 --> 00:46:42 uh help that we person out there who
00:46:42 --> 00:46:45 really on this message it needs the
00:46:45 --> 00:46:48 support so don't be scared get the help
00:46:48 --> 00:46:51 yes please that's something I say you to
00:46:51 --> 00:46:53 not being there it is okay the family
00:46:54 --> 00:46:56 loves you community loves you everybody
00:46:56 --> 00:46:58 loves you're somebody's mom you're
00:46:58 --> 00:47:00 Somebody's Daughter you're somebody
00:47:00 --> 00:47:03 important to the society to the
00:47:03 --> 00:47:06 community your neighbors want you uh to
00:47:06 --> 00:47:09 be well and alive so please there are
00:47:09 --> 00:47:11 two options when you're in a domestic
00:47:11 --> 00:47:12 violence situation you can either get
00:47:12 --> 00:47:16 out of it alive or dead so in order to
00:47:16 --> 00:47:19 get out of it alive you have to you know
00:47:19 --> 00:47:21 be bold be strong and also one thing I
00:47:22 --> 00:47:24 want to mention um I feel like we need
00:47:24 --> 00:47:26 to educate ourselves more too yeah we
00:47:27 --> 00:47:30 need to also like maybe stand back from
00:47:30 --> 00:47:33 um just waiting for someone to hand us
00:47:33 --> 00:47:36 the information go online it's 2025 the
00:47:36 --> 00:47:39 resources are there you go on YouTube if
00:47:39 --> 00:47:42 you are looking for information on you
00:47:42 --> 00:47:44 know what number should I call for help
00:47:44 --> 00:47:46 for this type of help you can go on
00:47:46 --> 00:47:48 YouTube you'll find somebody who has
00:47:48 --> 00:47:51 made a video on it you know on educate
00:47:51 --> 00:47:54 yourself Empower yourself when you know
00:47:54 --> 00:47:56 better you do better right but if you
00:47:56 --> 00:47:58 you don't know like there are so many
00:47:58 --> 00:47:59 people sometimes she talk to them no
00:47:59 --> 00:48:01 like I didn't for example okay I had
00:48:01 --> 00:48:04 this I listened to this Survivor story
00:48:04 --> 00:48:08 she was being water water boarded by her
00:48:08 --> 00:48:10 ex-boyfriend and water boarding is a
00:48:10 --> 00:48:13 form of torture that was used in the
00:48:13 --> 00:48:15 military it's actually illegal not to
00:48:15 --> 00:48:17 even use it but that's that was the way
00:48:17 --> 00:48:19 he was torturing her for her she was in
00:48:19 --> 00:48:21 that relationship not even knowing that
00:48:21 --> 00:48:24 she was experiencing domestic violence
00:48:24 --> 00:48:26 she found that she was in a domestic
00:48:26 --> 00:48:28 violence situation when she was pregnant
00:48:28 --> 00:48:29 and was ready to have a baby in the
00:48:29 --> 00:48:32 hospital he was so used to like just
00:48:32 --> 00:48:34 torturing her and beating her insulting
00:48:34 --> 00:48:37 her that he didn't even know the
00:48:37 --> 00:48:39 environment he was he was in at that
00:48:39 --> 00:48:43 point in time later on um the nurse
00:48:43 --> 00:48:46 overheard him and when he left that's
00:48:46 --> 00:48:48 where the nurse came in and was like
00:48:48 --> 00:48:50 lady you were involved in a domestic
00:48:50 --> 00:48:52 violent situation that's when the
00:48:52 --> 00:48:55 lightbook went off like this is what it
00:48:55 --> 00:48:57 is you don't say something
00:48:57 --> 00:49:00 layers change yeah so um yeah so just
00:49:00 --> 00:49:03 seek our resources when you ow too and
00:49:03 --> 00:49:04 just do what you got to do to take care
00:49:04 --> 00:49:07 of yourself your well-being and um get
00:49:07 --> 00:49:09 support you need we love you guys can I
00:49:09 --> 00:49:11 add something in as well see quick I
00:49:11 --> 00:49:13 also feel like it's important to
00:49:13 --> 00:49:15 understand like you have to believe that
00:49:15 --> 00:49:17 you are worthy of a healthy love as well
00:49:17 --> 00:49:20 too you have to know that being in that
00:49:20 --> 00:49:22 situation this isn't what God wanted for
00:49:22 --> 00:49:25 me this isn't what is meant for me that
00:49:25 --> 00:49:28 I deserve a love that's patient and kind
00:49:28 --> 00:49:30 that's not traumatizing that's not
00:49:30 --> 00:49:32 hurtful that's not abusive you know
00:49:32 --> 00:49:34 right I feel like once you at least have
00:49:34 --> 00:49:36 that you have the first step I'm speak
00:49:36 --> 00:49:41 any help yeah may be S very good um the
00:49:41 --> 00:49:44 there's a saying by uh I'll keep talking
00:49:44 --> 00:49:47 all day if you guys like me there's the
00:49:47 --> 00:49:52 saying by um um some gospel lady she's I
00:49:52 --> 00:49:53 can't remember her name right now but
00:49:53 --> 00:49:58 she said um she made a comment that that
00:49:58 --> 00:50:01 um when you know who you are and whose
00:50:01 --> 00:50:02 you
00:50:02 --> 00:50:06 are you are more likely to have respect
00:50:06 --> 00:50:09 for yourself and wish well for yourself
00:50:09 --> 00:50:12 and who are you you are a child of God
00:50:13 --> 00:50:15 that's bigger than anybody and any so
00:50:15 --> 00:50:17 always think of that when you're afraid
00:50:17 --> 00:50:19 of either talking to your parents The
00:50:20 --> 00:50:22 Authority whoever remember that you're a
00:50:22 --> 00:50:24 child of God and when you know that and
00:50:24 --> 00:50:27 you're convinced within you trust me
00:50:27 --> 00:50:30 you do what's best for you
00:50:30 --> 00:50:35 abely all right thank
00:50:35 --> 00:50:36 [Applause]
00:50:36 --> 00:50:52 [Music]