In this episode of "Talk To Me Michelle," host Michele explores the often blurred line between authenticity and oversharing on social media. As the holidays approach, Michele encourages listeners to relax and enjoy their celebrations while being mindful of the stress that can accompany them. She delves into the potential consequences of sharing personal issues online, emphasizing the impact it can have on personal growth and mental health.
Michele discusses the risks of seeking validation from a vast, impersonal audience and the potential for misunderstanding and judgment. She highlights the importance of setting boundaries, both for personal well-being and to prevent fostering a culture of performance over genuine connection. The episode also touches on the limitations of online empathy and the potential harm caused by trolls and cyberbullies.
Through thoughtful insights, Michele urges listeners to prioritize offline healing and seek professional help when needed. She provides guidance on healthy sharing practices and emphasizes the importance of pausing to reflect before posting online. By creating safe spaces and engaging with empathy, we can protect our emotional well-being and nurture authentic connections.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:27 Music.
00:00:27 --> 00:00:31 Episode of Talk To Me Michelle. I am your host Michelle with 1L.
00:00:31 --> 00:00:35 Everybody I hope you guys are doing well. Getting ready for the holidays to
00:00:35 --> 00:00:39 buckle down with family friends. Maybe do a solo holiday. However you celebrate.
00:00:39 --> 00:00:42 Just be careful and be stress-free.
00:00:42 --> 00:00:45 I want to tap on that a little bit because you know sometimes we
00:00:45 --> 00:00:49 bring our own stress into our own lives and
00:00:49 --> 00:00:52 it got me to thinking about how people move on
00:00:52 --> 00:00:55 social media because you know in today's digital age
00:00:55 --> 00:00:58 the line between being authentic and over
00:00:58 --> 00:01:01 sharing it's been blurred and platforms
00:01:01 --> 00:01:06 they usually encourage us to be real and vulnerable but sharing sometimes can
00:01:06 --> 00:01:11 have its consequences especially when it's unresolved personal issues online
00:01:11 --> 00:01:16 that leads to a whole bunch of consequences not to see too many people putting
00:01:16 --> 00:01:20 too much business of their own in these digital streets.
00:01:20 --> 00:01:26 When vulnerability can foster a connection, oversharing often leaves us exposed
00:01:26 --> 00:01:29 to judgment, misunderstanding, and harm.
00:01:29 --> 00:01:32 This leaves us very little room for personal growth.
00:01:32 --> 00:01:39 Now, why should this matter? This matters because when people share things prematurely,
00:01:39 --> 00:01:42 you understand that you're interrupting your own healing process,
00:01:42 --> 00:01:45 because that is part of the healing process.
00:01:45 --> 00:01:49 It's making personal struggles feel more performative than reflective.
00:01:49 --> 00:01:51 And I see that a lot online.
00:01:51 --> 00:01:55 People who claim that they are, you know, suffering with a certain condition.
00:01:55 --> 00:01:58 And the next thing you know, they, you know, live in their best life.
00:01:58 --> 00:02:01 But also the internet remembers everything.
00:02:03 --> 00:02:07 It's like an elephant's memory. And sometimes, you know, in the moment that
00:02:07 --> 00:02:12 you're having, that can resurface years later down the line,
00:02:12 --> 00:02:17 and that could be damaging to your credibility or even personal relationships.
00:02:17 --> 00:02:23 Seeking validation from a vast impersonal audience, that leads to people feeling
00:02:23 --> 00:02:27 inadequate and they amplify these existing insecurities online,
00:02:27 --> 00:02:30 especially if the feedback is negative or dismissive.
00:02:30 --> 00:02:34 Keep in mind, you are going to take a personal risk when you share a little too much online.
00:02:34 --> 00:02:38 You're opening yourself up to emotional vulnerability.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:43 When you share deep personal experiences online, you're opening a whole door
00:02:43 --> 00:02:45 that you don't realize you're opening.
00:02:45 --> 00:02:50 You're going to be open to judgment, being misunderstood, even criticized.
00:02:50 --> 00:02:55 And people often expect empathy, but they encounter, you know, the worst.
00:02:55 --> 00:03:00 The harsh comments, the trolling, you know, opinions that were not asked for.
00:03:00 --> 00:03:07 Prime example is a celebrity that is a plus size and going through a weight loss journey.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:12 Every time you turn around, people were making jokes and tagging and everything else.
00:03:12 --> 00:03:16 And of course, the weight loss journey is successful. But at the same time,
00:03:16 --> 00:03:20 when you go through that type of journey and you have people that are trying
00:03:20 --> 00:03:25 to distract you, they may say mean things to make themselves feel better or fit in with the crowd.
00:03:25 --> 00:03:29 So I think those type of journeys, I like the before and after approach.
00:03:29 --> 00:03:32 You'll see me after I do what I need to do.
00:03:32 --> 00:03:37 Keep in mind that you are leaving permanent digital footprints when you do something like that.
00:03:38 --> 00:03:43 The Internet never forgets whatever you post, the videos, even the comments.
00:03:43 --> 00:03:46 They can be archived and resurface unexpectedly.
00:03:46 --> 00:03:51 You know, this will impact your career, relationships or even your reputation.
00:03:52 --> 00:03:56 Even if you want to go apply for a job or you want to have a business and you
00:03:56 --> 00:04:02 need business partners. Strangers can even use this content to form a biased opinion about you.
00:04:03 --> 00:04:08 We always hear about these viral tweets about a breakup and it resurfaces years
00:04:08 --> 00:04:13 later. So that harms somebody else's chances in a professional setting.
00:04:13 --> 00:04:18 When you also overshare, you must understand that you are lacking of boundaries
00:04:18 --> 00:04:22 because when you overshare, you're inviting people to weigh in,
00:04:22 --> 00:04:26 even when their advice is unhelpful or inappropriate.
00:04:26 --> 00:04:31 And over time, it's going to create a habit of seeking validation from strangers
00:04:31 --> 00:04:35 instead of being around people that you trust, trusted, good,
00:04:35 --> 00:04:37 authentic networks of support.
00:04:37 --> 00:04:41 And people may not realize this, but this oversharing also contributes to a
00:04:41 --> 00:04:46 community risk because we're creating this culture of performances.
00:04:47 --> 00:04:52 You know, I'm just saying, because when you overshare, it does reward you with
00:04:52 --> 00:04:56 engagement. but it also leads other people to start mimicking this behavior
00:04:56 --> 00:05:00 and fostering a cycle of performance over a genuine connection.
00:05:01 --> 00:05:04 Everybody you may meet online is not the same offline.
00:05:04 --> 00:05:08 And that's why you can get a little leery when you're trying to make a personal
00:05:08 --> 00:05:11 connection. And you don't know if you're really meeting the real them or if they're performing.
00:05:12 --> 00:05:17 Unfortunately, we now have a society that is normalizing trauma dumping.
00:05:17 --> 00:05:23 You know, just the term alone, that lets you know that you're sharing unprocessed,
00:05:23 --> 00:05:27 intense emotions without considering the emotional impact on others.
00:05:27 --> 00:05:32 And we're not even having these solutions or safe spaces to really get something off your chest.
00:05:32 --> 00:05:35 But these stories can overwhelm people in the audience.
00:05:35 --> 00:05:41 And you wonder why there are so many people performing. So many people that
00:05:41 --> 00:05:46 have so much trauma, instead of getting the therapy they may need and getting
00:05:46 --> 00:05:49 the help they may need, they're online talking about it.
00:05:49 --> 00:05:55 Now, we do have to face the backlash that comes with oversharing because you
00:05:55 --> 00:06:00 may regret it at some time later on in your life because you might be like an
00:06:00 --> 00:06:04 influencer and you decide, OK, I'm going through a divorce.
00:06:04 --> 00:06:07 Let me go ahead and share with the world this divorce process,
00:06:07 --> 00:06:09 you know, the good, the bad, the ugly.
00:06:09 --> 00:06:14 But you're going to later express this regret when your kids are now grown and
00:06:14 --> 00:06:17 they can pull up all this stuff that you put online.
00:06:17 --> 00:06:21 What are you going to tell your kids at that point? I just don't understand
00:06:21 --> 00:06:25 why people have to air their dirty draws out online.
00:06:25 --> 00:06:28 There's also misinterpretation of the intent.
00:06:29 --> 00:06:34 If social media, you're a user on there, and you share something that's vulnerable
00:06:34 --> 00:06:41 about mental health And you receive accusations of attention seeking or you're exaggerating.
00:06:41 --> 00:06:45 I've seen moments like that online where people are using.
00:06:45 --> 00:06:51 I have a problem and this is what I'm doing, but you're not getting the help you need.
00:06:51 --> 00:06:55 And exploitation, because you put yourself out there enough.
00:06:56 --> 00:07:00 Scammers are always out there. You know, scammers or abusers who target individuals
00:07:00 --> 00:07:04 who have revealed financial or emotional vulnerabilities online.
00:07:05 --> 00:07:07 They take advantage of your openness.
00:07:07 --> 00:07:14 I will never forget when my mom passed, I had so many supposed spiritual people.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:17 You know, your loved one has a message for you.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:21 And I was like, y'all kick rocks. Because I know if my mama had a message for
00:07:21 --> 00:07:23 me, she wouldn't use your raggedy ass.
00:07:23 --> 00:07:27 Now, please understand the Internet is not therapy.
00:07:27 --> 00:07:31 It is not a therapist because the lack of context.
00:07:31 --> 00:07:36 You have to realize online platforms offer bite sized formats.
00:07:36 --> 00:07:42 We got tweets. We got short videos or captions that strips away any nuisance
00:07:42 --> 00:07:45 of the complexity of personal stories.
00:07:46 --> 00:07:50 Audiences often misunderstand the intent and oversimplify the issue.
00:07:51 --> 00:07:55 So what we're doing is that we're offering solutions that don't align with the actual problem.
00:07:56 --> 00:07:59 Let's just say you're having a day that you're just feeling burned out.
00:07:59 --> 00:08:02 So you go ahead and make a post. I'm feeling burnt out.
00:08:03 --> 00:08:05 But instead of the empathy that you think you're going to get,
00:08:06 --> 00:08:09 you know, they'll tell you, you know, you just need to go ahead and take a vacation.
00:08:09 --> 00:08:14 You know, you need to do this. You need to go have a drink. So that's missing
00:08:14 --> 00:08:19 the deeper concerns like depression and other issues that you might be going through at the moment.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:23 Let me go even deeper because I've seen this so many times and I get tired of
00:08:23 --> 00:08:26 all these heifers that are always around trying to help folks.
00:08:26 --> 00:08:29 Please understand anything online.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:34 Empathy and expertise is limited. It is limited.
00:08:35 --> 00:08:40 But you get into a situation where there's online audiences and they do range
00:08:40 --> 00:08:43 from people who mean well to people who are trolls.
00:08:43 --> 00:08:49 And few possess the emotional intelligence or qualifications to offer any meaningful support.
00:08:50 --> 00:08:56 I've seen people turn to, I can't be detailed because folks will know who I'm talking about.
00:08:56 --> 00:09:01 But I'm just saying I've seen some people who have lived a lifestyle and still
00:09:01 --> 00:09:05 doing nonsense in their life, but they got all the expertise in the world.
00:09:05 --> 00:09:06 Talk to you any kind of way.
00:09:06 --> 00:09:12 So that's a prime example. These people are not experts and they pretty much
00:09:12 --> 00:09:14 want to shine the spotlight off of your trauma.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:20 So support may come in forms of generic advice and some people may even give
00:09:20 --> 00:09:21 you harmful suggestions.
00:09:21 --> 00:09:23 So that's going to leave you feeling worse than better.
00:09:24 --> 00:09:29 This illusion of care can discourage people from seeking professional help.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:34 That's why I hate all these people who be in the mix for the moment and they
00:09:34 --> 00:09:36 think that they're, you know, helping somebody. No, you're not.
00:09:37 --> 00:09:41 They can't get help from you because you're not a licensed specialist or anything.
00:09:41 --> 00:09:47 Let them go outside this online atmosphere and get the help they really need.
00:09:47 --> 00:09:50 The issue with anonymity, because
00:09:50 --> 00:09:54 you also have a mixture of trolls and cyberbullying that's taking place.
00:09:54 --> 00:10:00 So on platforms, they enable individuals to lash out with any accountability.
00:10:00 --> 00:10:07 This happens daily. They're targeting vulnerable users who share personal struggles.
00:10:07 --> 00:10:12 There have been people online, and God rest their soul, that have unlived themselves
00:10:12 --> 00:10:14 due to this type of trauma online.
00:10:14 --> 00:10:21 So hurtful, malicious comments, they can amplify these insecurities that that
00:10:21 --> 00:10:24 person is going through and derail the healing process.
00:10:24 --> 00:10:30 Let's just say a TikTok creator creates their grief over a recent loss and they
00:10:30 --> 00:10:35 only get back cruel comments like attention seeker or move on already.
00:10:35 --> 00:10:40 Do you understand the emotions you're already going through and you're being
00:10:40 --> 00:10:44 authentic about your loss and you got all these folks coming to you sideways
00:10:44 --> 00:10:46 about, you know, just mourning out loud?
00:10:46 --> 00:10:51 Now, we already lack this as humans as it is, but online it is so much worse.
00:10:51 --> 00:10:57 And that's the lack of accountability, because users may offer extreme or reckless
00:10:57 --> 00:10:59 advice without facing any consequences.
00:10:59 --> 00:11:04 So you're leaving people who overshare exposed to potential harm.
00:11:04 --> 00:11:10 You know, the vulnerable users may internalize harmful narratives or feel invalidated.
00:11:10 --> 00:11:14 So that's why I wish people who don't have nothing to say that's going to be
00:11:14 --> 00:11:17 positive, whether they're attention seeking or if they're going through something.
00:11:17 --> 00:11:19 Y'all just need to keep your opinion to yourself.
00:11:20 --> 00:11:25 Now, do you want to have well-being or do you really need that type of engagement?
00:11:25 --> 00:11:30 I mean, because social media, they prioritize content that sparks reactions,
00:11:30 --> 00:11:33 not the content that fosters genuine connection or healing.
00:11:34 --> 00:11:38 Think about that. The next time you scroll, what do you see more of in your feed?
00:11:39 --> 00:11:42 Even though you may not be a fan of whatever it is, but you'll probably see
00:11:42 --> 00:11:46 more of that toxic nonsense in your feed versus the positive stuff that you need to see.
00:11:47 --> 00:11:50 Vulnerable posts often gain traction due to the shock value.
00:11:50 --> 00:11:55 That's all it is. You know, but the platform does not protect the creator from the aftermath.
00:11:55 --> 00:11:58 That's the thing. So let me put something up that's popping.
00:11:58 --> 00:12:02 It's controversial, but even though it's doing the platform good,
00:12:03 --> 00:12:05 I may take the heat behind that post.
00:12:06 --> 00:12:12 And when personal content goes viral, the original poster may lose control of
00:12:12 --> 00:12:13 the original narrative.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:18 I'm telling you, how many times have we seen one photo posted?
00:12:18 --> 00:12:22 Everybody makes the assumption it's some type of situation and it's not.
00:12:22 --> 00:12:26 But see, by the time you even get the truth halfway out, comments,
00:12:26 --> 00:12:33 people didn't remix the video, and that distorts and ridicules the experience overall.
00:12:33 --> 00:12:37 Even if you have something happen to the real because how many times do you
00:12:37 --> 00:12:43 see news media going after celebrities and if they catch them in a certain light
00:12:43 --> 00:12:44 certain you know setting,
00:12:45 --> 00:12:48 they're going to just make assumptions at first until something is confirmed
00:12:48 --> 00:12:53 but it's already been shown so you just said something and it's put in people's
00:12:53 --> 00:12:58 minds so they run with that so I don't mind sharing but let's go about it the
00:12:58 --> 00:13:02 healthy way because you need to start having healthy sharing practices.
00:13:02 --> 00:13:08 I first would prefer y'all to work through issues privately versus publicly
00:13:08 --> 00:13:14 because when you're sharing before you fully process your emotions and it hinders
00:13:14 --> 00:13:18 you because you're already half-baked. I'm just saying it as it is.
00:13:19 --> 00:13:23 You're half-baked but you're going to hinder your personal growth and your healing by doing that.
00:13:23 --> 00:13:27 So consider journaling instead, speaking with trusted people,
00:13:27 --> 00:13:32 your friends, your family, even a therapist. I highly recommend therapy.
00:13:33 --> 00:13:35 But I find when you write about your feelings in the journal,
00:13:35 --> 00:13:41 it helps you clarify your thoughts and your emotions without the pressure of public feedback.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:46 And before you post, you want to ask yourself, why am I sharing this?
00:13:46 --> 00:13:50 You really ask yourself a question. Why am I sharing this?
00:13:50 --> 00:13:56 What am I hoping to gain from this? Is this the right platform to share this story on?
00:13:56 --> 00:13:59 So you want to also avoid the details of the situation.
00:13:59 --> 00:14:03 That's going to also make a bigger impact with future relationships,
00:14:03 --> 00:14:08 your online reputation, your reputation offline and personal safety.
00:14:08 --> 00:14:13 Now, if you must vent and everybody needs a place to vent, I understand that.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:19 Use a three day rule. So that's waiting three days after an emotional event
00:14:19 --> 00:14:23 to decide if it's even worth sharing publicly.
00:14:23 --> 00:14:26 Because by the time you think about it, you didn't got over it.
00:14:26 --> 00:14:28 It's not even worth sharing at that point.
00:14:28 --> 00:14:33 So you can still live your best online life, but you got to look for the safe
00:14:33 --> 00:14:39 spaces. Like when I go online, there are certain lives of people that are hosting that I go in.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:44 And sometimes I like to stay in the audience and just enjoy the foolishness
00:14:44 --> 00:14:47 going on and a good conversation taking place.
00:14:47 --> 00:14:52 So look for those safe spaces that are designed to offer support without any judgment.
00:14:52 --> 00:14:57 And they also have private forums, support groups, or moderated social media
00:14:57 --> 00:15:01 groups are also available so nobody gets disrespectful.
00:15:01 --> 00:15:05 And these environments often have guidelines and they ensure that you're going
00:15:05 --> 00:15:10 to have good interactions, no discouraging trolling.
00:15:10 --> 00:15:14 And I know I'm part of a lot of Facebook groups and I do that mainly for business
00:15:14 --> 00:15:16 networking and marketing.
00:15:16 --> 00:15:21 And a nine times out of 10, I got to answer several questions and agree with
00:15:21 --> 00:15:23 a terms before I join. That's a prime example.
00:15:24 --> 00:15:29 And I need people to put these issues in the hands of professionals.
00:15:29 --> 00:15:33 Seek a professional to get the help over getting public validation.
00:15:33 --> 00:15:35 You need to go to therapy.
00:15:35 --> 00:15:39 You need to get somebody that's going to consult you or support hotlines to
00:15:39 --> 00:15:43 provide tools that process and heal tailored to these individual needs.
00:15:44 --> 00:15:49 And public validation may feel comforting at first, but it rarely addresses
00:15:49 --> 00:15:52 the root of the issue. Sometimes it makes it worse.
00:15:52 --> 00:15:56 But a therapist, they can guide you through the grief in a constructive way.
00:15:56 --> 00:16:02 But a public post, that's going to lead to more overwhelming or unhelpful responses.
00:16:03 --> 00:16:08 Now, I can't blame the people alone who overshare because as an audience,
00:16:08 --> 00:16:09 we got to take some responsibility too.
00:16:10 --> 00:16:14 Because sometimes we can encourage the oversharing just for the sake of the
00:16:14 --> 00:16:19 entertainment. so I don't want to engage by commenting or engaging in ways that's
00:16:19 --> 00:16:22 going to be harmful and going to make the situation worse.
00:16:23 --> 00:16:28 Like if people keep on digging, a person's in a vulnerable state and you keep
00:16:28 --> 00:16:29 on digging for more details.
00:16:29 --> 00:16:34 Or when this happened, or when they do that, you keep on digging to make it
00:16:34 --> 00:16:37 worse. So you got to engage thoughtfully.
00:16:37 --> 00:16:42 If you feel compelled to respond, I need y'all to offer some words of encouragement,
00:16:42 --> 00:16:47 Give them some resources, but don't be giving no unsolicited advice.
00:16:48 --> 00:16:52 And sometimes the best response is none. Silence can respect someone's need
00:16:52 --> 00:16:55 to share without opening them up to being critiqued.
00:16:56 --> 00:16:59 Now, if you feel the need to comment, you know, show a little empathy.
00:16:59 --> 00:17:05 You know, I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you have the support you need. Show empathy.
00:17:05 --> 00:17:07 That way you're not overstepping any boundaries.
00:17:07 --> 00:17:11 Keep in mind the Internet can be a powerful tool for connection,
00:17:11 --> 00:17:17 advocacy, support, but it's not designed to protect your deepest vulnerable states.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:22 Not every aspect of your personal life, especially if you've got some unresolved
00:17:22 --> 00:17:24 struggles, that don't belong in public.
00:17:24 --> 00:17:27 It don't belong in public. It's unregulated space.
00:17:28 --> 00:17:32 Now, oversharing isn't a character flaw. It's actually a learned behavior because
00:17:32 --> 00:17:37 we're in a digital age that rewards us, supposedly, of being open.
00:17:38 --> 00:17:41 But you have to also understand the risks and setting boundaries that's going
00:17:41 --> 00:17:47 to protect your emotional well-being. So let's encourage to prioritize our mental
00:17:47 --> 00:17:50 health over online validation.
00:17:50 --> 00:17:54 Because if you do post something, is this something I've worked through?
00:17:55 --> 00:17:59 And will sharing this benefit me or others in a meaningful way?
00:17:59 --> 00:18:03 Because what I like to do, if I'm going to post something online,
00:18:03 --> 00:18:04 I try to keep it positive.
00:18:05 --> 00:18:10 I try to keep it funny. But you also have to keep in mind, most of the healing
00:18:10 --> 00:18:14 that you need takes place offline. These are private moments that you need to
00:18:14 --> 00:18:18 have in therapy or intimate conversations with people you trust.
00:18:18 --> 00:18:21 It's cool to get likes, you know, it's cool to get comments,
00:18:21 --> 00:18:23 but you don't need to be validated by that.
00:18:23 --> 00:18:26 That's only going to make you feel good temporarily.
00:18:27 --> 00:18:31 But in long term growth, it comes from nurturing yourself and setting your boundaries.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:37 So how can we all work this out together? I am going to challenge everybody
00:18:37 --> 00:18:40 to do a couple of things. First, pause before you post.
00:18:41 --> 00:18:45 Ask yourself if something you'll be comfortable seeing years from now.
00:18:45 --> 00:18:48 That should help make up your mind whether it's worth posting or not.
00:18:48 --> 00:18:52 But you also want to consume content responsibly.
00:18:52 --> 00:18:57 Don't get involved with these engagement with posts that are encouraging people
00:18:57 --> 00:18:59 to overshare for a form of entertainment.
00:18:59 --> 00:19:05 Remember, the Internet isn't entirely bad. It's just not the safest space for unresolved struggles.
00:19:05 --> 00:19:10 And by reflecting before you share, prioritizing personal growth and seeking
00:19:10 --> 00:19:15 out healthier ways to connect, we can protect our well-being while still being authentic.
00:19:16 --> 00:19:19 Don't forget, it's OK to keep some things private because, like I said,
00:19:19 --> 00:19:21 that's where the best healing takes place.
00:19:21 --> 00:19:29 Not everything needs to be a post or a story. Healing happens in your own time, your own space.
00:19:30 --> 00:19:33 I thank you guys again for listening to the Talk to Me Michelle podcast.
00:19:33 --> 00:19:39 Don't forget to subscribe while you're here. Give me a review on wherever you get your podcasts.
00:19:39 --> 00:19:42 And I really hope you enjoyed today's conversation.
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00:20:19 --> 00:20:32 Music.