Episode 45: Happily Single: Redefining Fulfillment Without Relationships

[00:00:09] Talk To Me Michele.

[00:00:52] They're almost like back-to-back, but retail has tainted the holidays because when I was trying to enjoy Halloween, I couldn't because they had Christmas trees up.

[00:01:01] And it seems like you guys might as well put the Christmas trees up with the back-to-school sale.

[00:01:07] I'm at that point.

[00:01:08] They just really overdo it.

[00:01:10] But hey, we here, we surviving.

[00:01:12] And I want to discuss with you guys this article I came across that I found really interesting in People Magazine.

[00:01:19] And it was an article that was shedding some light on why so many women are reporting to be happier as single women.

[00:01:27] I'm a single lady.

[00:01:28] Now put your hands up.

[00:01:29] Mm-hmm.

[00:01:30] Yeah.

[00:01:30] A lot more women are saying, look, I am so good with myself right now.

[00:01:34] I'm enjoying my peace and quiet.

[00:01:35] I'm embracing my inner strength.

[00:01:38] All this stuff.

[00:01:39] But, you know, they had some key insights that include the freedom to prioritize personal goals and passions and to reduce stress from relationship responsibilities and the ability to focus on self-care and mental health.

[00:01:52] Single women are embracing themselves a little bit more because I know back in one point in society, and still at some point, society shuns women that have been single for a long period of time, women that don't have children.

[00:02:06] But I find now that we're embracing more of that because we can be single and be happy.

[00:02:12] So while single women are embracing this because when you are in a relationship, it does have an emotional labor as well as a demanding type of schedule and things that you have to commit to when you're in a relationship.

[00:02:25] The article reflected a lot of social shifts, and it's the traditional gender roles they've evolved.

[00:02:33] There's less pressure on women to define happiness through a relationship or marriage.

[00:02:38] And I know back in the day, that was the main thing for women.

[00:02:41] Know how to cook and take care of your man.

[00:02:44] Nothing wrong with that.

[00:02:45] But I'm just saying it was an agenda that was pushed over the point where women felt they had no need to live any other lifestyle but that.

[00:02:52] But women are increasingly choosing the paths that align with their personal aspiration, challenging outdated expectations, and creating new narratives about fulfillment and independence.

[00:03:04] So in this episode, I want to give some of the reasons why.

[00:03:08] A lot of women are starting to be a lot more happier being single and examining the personal and social benefits of singlehood.

[00:03:15] I'm also going to explore the freedom, prioritizing yourself.

[00:03:18] This is a contribution to this happiness that single women are experiencing.

[00:03:23] And additionally, I'm going to analyze why men benefit more from relationships than women.

[00:03:28] You know, especially when it comes to emotional support, health, and domestic contributions.

[00:03:33] By understanding these dynamics, we'll uncover how modern relationship expectations impact both genders differently and what this means for the future of relationships.

[00:03:43] So the icebreaker question is, what's the best thing about being single?

[00:03:47] Or if you are in a relationship, what's the one thing you miss about being single?

[00:03:53] Now we all recall Beyonce's hit record, Single Ladies.

[00:03:57] I mean, everywhere you went, you either heard the record on a radio station, somebody's playlist, while you're shopping.

[00:04:04] It was a big record.

[00:04:05] Now although women have been striving for independence for many decades, at the same time, we have been made to feel bad because we're single.

[00:04:15] So, especially in this society that we're in, and usually when you get into a confrontation with somebody, that's the first thing out they mouth.

[00:04:22] That's why you ain't got no man.

[00:04:24] Well, whether you know it or not, I choose not to have one because there is such a thing as being single by choice.

[00:04:31] Do I want to fill a void just for the sake of saying I'm in a relationship and I'm miserable?

[00:04:37] But the article that I read in People Magazine highlighted that women are feeling more liberated while they're single.

[00:04:45] The ability to prioritize their own goals, their passions, and well-being without the constraints of a relationship.

[00:04:52] Now I know a lot of men may think, well, she's free to be as free as she want to be and do whatever she want to do.

[00:04:59] Y'all can say that, but that's not necessarily true.

[00:05:02] Prime example is I heard this phone call from a radio station and the clip was basically about a man who went on a date with one of their listeners.

[00:05:11] And they called him up on the air to see what the feedback was on the date.

[00:05:15] And he was like, I had a good time, but it's not for me.

[00:05:17] And the reason it's not for me is because I need eye candy.

[00:05:21] I need a woman who is not as intelligent as that woman was.

[00:05:25] And a lot of women in the studio were going on about that, but he wanted a woman.

[00:05:30] At least he was straight up about it.

[00:05:31] He wanted a woman that was a beautiful airhead.

[00:05:35] I mean, there's no other way to put it.

[00:05:37] He wanted a beautiful airhead.

[00:05:39] And with that type of mentality, I mean, that's what he wants.

[00:05:43] That's fine.

[00:05:43] But at the same time, women that are intelligent, that know they're smart, are not willing to play that role just to be in a relationship.

[00:05:50] Common challenges also include the mental load of managing household tasks, caregiving roles, and emotional labor that often falls very disproportionately on women in relationships.

[00:06:04] When you think about it, we don't want to be sexist, but a majority of the time, people think that's a woman's place.

[00:06:11] If there's a woman in the house, the house should be clean.

[00:06:13] If there's pots and pans in the kitchen, the woman should be the one in there utilizing them.

[00:06:17] But men can do these things too.

[00:06:20] But for some reason, all of these responsibilities do fall on a woman nine times out of ten and depending on what that situation is.

[00:06:28] Studies reveal that single women consistently report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction compared to women in relationships,

[00:06:36] particularly to those that are in traditional or unequal partnerships.

[00:06:39] I have girlfriends that are single.

[00:06:41] I have girlfriends that are married.

[00:06:43] I have girlfriends that are dating.

[00:06:44] And every last one of those categories can give you a different vibe depending on the situation they're in.

[00:06:50] Majority of my single friends, they got, you know, happy-go-lucky vibes.

[00:06:55] The women that are in relationships are married.

[00:06:57] Oh, sometimes their spouse might be giving them a hard time or they work any nerves.

[00:07:00] And then there's other ones in another category that I say they are the silent, unhappy people.

[00:07:06] They're in a relationship or a marriage, but they're only in that for that sake of saying, I'm in a relationship.

[00:07:11] But again, you're miserable.

[00:07:13] So you may ask yourself, what are the benefits of being a single woman?

[00:07:18] First off, you could enjoy a lot more freedom.

[00:07:20] You can enjoy the freedom to focus on your own needs.

[00:07:24] You know, you could be dedicating more time to self-care routines, health, advancing your careers, exploring different hobbies and nurturing your friendships.

[00:07:33] So the independence fosters a sense of personal growth and empowerment.

[00:07:37] And nine times out of ten, because I've been in relationships and sometimes as women, we feel that we need to give or overcompensate so much in a relationship just to maintain.

[00:07:48] You know, from the household to his emotional needs, you know, all that takes play and you'll put yourself on the back burner.

[00:07:55] Without the demands of a relationship, women can often experience reduced emotional labor, such as managing their partner's feelings or needs.

[00:08:04] And they also escape the social pressures of partner obligations, allowing them to live on their own terms.

[00:08:11] Also, as a single woman, you may have more financial independence because a lot of single women have embraced financial authority, achieving stability without needing a partner.

[00:08:22] And this independence enables them to make decisions based solely on their own priorities and goals.

[00:08:28] Now, there are mental health benefits as well, because being a single woman offers a relief of the emotional stress that can come from managing relationship dynamics.

[00:08:37] You already know what I'm talking about.

[00:08:39] If you have a misunderstanding with your partner or they keep on behaving a certain way and you've already talked about it, it weighs mentally on you.

[00:08:47] Like, I don't want to have this conversation again.

[00:08:49] I don't feel like arguing.

[00:08:50] You don't want to deal with it.

[00:08:52] So it provides time for interception, self-discovery, and the pursuit of personal passions that contribute to our overall well-being.

[00:09:00] Now, I spoke on men being more benefactors of relationships than women.

[00:09:05] And what I mean by that, there are several factors that are involved.

[00:09:09] Because women are frequently serving as emotional anchors in relationships.

[00:09:13] We provide encouragement, empathy, a safe space for the emotional expression to take place.

[00:09:20] And men often rely heavily on their partners for emotional connection or mental well-being.

[00:09:26] Sometimes it's more than their social network provides.

[00:09:30] So let's say if your man has a boys' night out, whatever activity they're doing.

[00:09:34] I just can't see a man emotionally opening up to a bunch of men because that ego gonna kick in.

[00:09:40] Or they may not be the kind of friends that really want to coach you through.

[00:09:44] The first thing they may tell you is like, you need to bounce.

[00:09:46] And despite the progress of gender roles, studies have shown women still carry the majority of household labor.

[00:09:52] That includes the cooking, the cleaning, the caregiving.

[00:09:57] You know, this is a dynamic that often benefits men.

[00:10:00] That reduces not only their stress, but their share of the responsibilities.

[00:10:06] And research also indicated that married men experience much better health outcomes

[00:10:11] and tend to live longer than compared to single men.

[00:10:15] And that's partially attributed by stability.

[00:10:19] And y'all gotta thank the women for that next situation because they made sure that in that relationship,

[00:10:24] there was stability, care, a healthy lifestyle, lifestyle habits that the partner could often be encouraged from

[00:10:33] or start taking on their own.

[00:10:36] When it comes to marriage, rates have steadily declined,

[00:10:39] particularly among millennials and Generation Z,

[00:10:42] who are choosing to marry either later in life or not at all.

[00:10:46] Instead, there are many opting for cohabitation or exploring alternative relationship structures

[00:10:53] that prioritize flexibility over traditional ones.

[00:10:56] Now, we're not in the same time bracket like we know when marriage was really popular

[00:11:00] because gender roles have evolved.

[00:11:03] They've changed the whole dynamics on expectations within relationships.

[00:11:08] And women no longer feel obligated to marry for social or economic stability.

[00:11:14] I always think about movies like The Joy Luck Club, old movie,

[00:11:18] and where they had arranged marriages.

[00:11:20] And that, you know, they start when these kids are toddlers.

[00:11:23] You know, okay, your daughter look good.

[00:11:25] She got good mannerisms.

[00:11:27] She might be a good match for my son.

[00:11:28] They start from that point on and trying to groom the woman particularly

[00:11:33] on how to be a good wife and perform her duties.

[00:11:36] There's also a growing acceptance of being single or child-free.

[00:11:39] This reduces social pressure to confirm to the traditional life milestones.

[00:11:44] And I do recall the elders in my family, especially my grandmother, God rest her soul,

[00:11:50] and I was dating someone before she passed.

[00:11:53] It hadn't been maybe two, three months.

[00:11:56] She asked me, so when y'all get married?

[00:11:59] I'm like, I just started seeing this dude.

[00:12:00] Dude, hold up, because I was in no rush to get married.

[00:12:03] You know, I like to vibe things out.

[00:12:06] I need to see if we could tolerate each other for a certain amount of time.

[00:12:09] I need to see the different sides of your reaction to different life situations

[00:12:13] before I can say I do.

[00:12:15] To know if that's going to be something I want to sign up for.

[00:12:17] The economic and cultural factors play a big role in this too

[00:12:21] because women increasingly financially being independent

[00:12:24] has allowed them to make marriage and relationship decisions

[00:12:27] based on a person's preference rather than the necessity.

[00:12:31] Now, trust me, there's still some people out there that like to see how you rank at the bank.

[00:12:35] But at the same time, usually if a life situation, God forbid, happens

[00:12:39] and that money is gone, the mansion, whatever you try to marry this person for is gone,

[00:12:45] you got to deal with that person.

[00:12:47] So did you get the time to even get to know them?

[00:12:50] Or is your survival mechanism based on your relationship and what they have?

[00:12:56] Cultural shifts emphasize self-fulfillment and equality in partnerships,

[00:13:00] particularly impacting traditional views on marriage.

[00:13:04] And the way that this administration is about to come in is, you know,

[00:13:08] they're getting ready to do some wild stuff.

[00:13:10] I'm letting y'all know right now.

[00:13:11] They are getting ready to do some wild stuff.

[00:13:13] I know just in the state of Texas alone,

[00:13:15] they are discussing some bills where you can compare a housewife to a kept woman.

[00:13:21] I'm just telling you what they are discussing and putting and trying to put this on the books.

[00:13:26] Now, when it comes to our cultural or psychological perspectives,

[00:13:29] you wonder why happiness levels differ for single men versus single women,

[00:13:34] because single women often experience greater happiness due to the ability to focus more on themselves,

[00:13:40] the personal growth and the emotional independence.

[00:13:43] But single men may lack that emotional and social support.

[00:13:47] They're often provided in relationships,

[00:13:49] and that leads to a lower level of happiness.

[00:13:53] So when y'all do need as women, y'all need a little happiness in your life, okay?

[00:13:56] But the cultural norms historically position men as providers in relationships,

[00:14:01] leaving single men with fewer emotional outlets and social connections compared to single women.

[00:14:07] I've also noticed that about corporate America, even in our politics,

[00:14:11] nine times out of ten, if you're a man, you're running for office or you're trying to get a big position,

[00:14:17] if you're married, you got a better shot at getting that job.

[00:14:20] It's just a good look for the company as well as you as a person trying to get the job.

[00:14:25] But traditional and social expectations have long pressured women to marry,

[00:14:29] equating their value and their happiness just to be in a relationship.

[00:14:32] And I'm like, I am not there.

[00:14:34] I am not that eager that I have to put up with someone instead of loving someone

[00:14:40] just for the sake of saying I'm in a relationship.

[00:14:43] However, modern women are redefining these terms of happiness

[00:14:47] by focusing on their own goals, careers, and passions

[00:14:50] and challenging these outdated narratives that tie fulfillment to a marital status.

[00:14:58] So ladies, let's just take it in stride.

[00:14:59] If you are single and you are happy being single, definitely embrace it

[00:15:03] and do not feel obligated that you have to be in a situation just for the sake of saying you are in a relationship.

[00:15:09] So I want to give some empowering tips for women so you can embrace being single

[00:15:13] if you are still battling with yourself.

[00:15:15] First of all, reframe your mindset.

[00:15:18] Being single is an opportunity to focus on yourself, your goals, and your growth.

[00:15:22] You have to view it as a season of self-discovery rather than, you know,

[00:15:28] putting up with a situation just to put up with it.

[00:15:30] And also you can focus on self-love because if you treat yourself with kindness and respect,

[00:15:36] indulge in activities that make us feel happy and it builds our confidence.

[00:15:41] Practice self-care routines like exercising, journaling, meditating, or just pursuing some new type of hobby.

[00:15:48] This also gives you an opportunity to cultivate strong friendships

[00:15:52] because when you build meaningful connections with friends and family who uplift and support you,

[00:15:58] it makes your process in life so much better, so much happier.

[00:16:02] So engage in social activities to broaden your circle and strengthen your support system.

[00:16:08] Also never forget to pursue personal growth.

[00:16:11] Take the time to learn new skills.

[00:16:13] Advance your career or explore your passions.

[00:16:16] If you guys are on social media, you know they're giving away a free class, a free webinar.

[00:16:22] If it taps into your interest, it's not going to hurt you to sign up.

[00:16:26] So invest in courses, workshops, or self-help books to help grow intellectually and emotionally.

[00:16:32] Also set your goals for life.

[00:16:34] Plan the future with intention.

[00:16:37] Whether it's just traveling, you're buying a new home, starting a new business,

[00:16:42] just focus on your aspirations.

[00:16:45] And also never forget to embrace your independence because in doing the things on your own,

[00:16:50] like when you want to go out, you want to go to a new restaurant, go.

[00:16:54] And you can also go to the movies.

[00:16:56] You can also travel and build confidence and self-reliant and making decisions independently.

[00:17:02] Now you celebrate your freedom by relishing the freedom because you're living life on your terms.

[00:17:08] You don't have to compromise with anyone or anybody.

[00:17:11] And redefine your own narrative about being single because if you listen to social pressures

[00:17:16] or stigmas about being single, you'll be stuck forever.

[00:17:20] You'll be miserable for no reason.

[00:17:23] So being single doesn't mean you're incomplete.

[00:17:25] It just means you're whole on your own.

[00:17:28] And since you're single, you might as well date yourself.

[00:17:30] You know, treat yourself to dates where you do what you love to do.

[00:17:34] It could be a spa day.

[00:17:36] I know I've always wanted to do one of those paint and sip type of situations.

[00:17:41] And anytime I would recommend it to somebody I was dating, they don't do that.

[00:17:43] Well, I'm going to go do it by myself then.

[00:17:45] How about that?

[00:17:46] Go for a solo coffee shop.

[00:17:48] Just take a nature walk.

[00:17:49] Do something that you would like to do on a date, but just do it with yourself.

[00:17:54] And learn what makes you happy because you can set a high standard for future relationships.

[00:17:57] Once you make enough experiences for yourself and you do find somebody that's compatible,

[00:18:03] you have an idea.

[00:18:05] Okay, maybe they'll like this.

[00:18:07] Maybe they're into this.

[00:18:08] And you guys can open up more about a relationship.

[00:18:11] Being single does not mean you shut down the lane to love.

[00:18:14] Just you got to stay open to love.

[00:18:16] You got to embrace being single.

[00:18:17] It doesn't mean you have to close yourself off to future relationships.

[00:18:21] Stay open to love, but be selective and patient.

[00:18:24] Being single is not just a status.

[00:18:26] It's a lifestyle choice where you can thrive and build a fulfilling life for yourself.

[00:18:31] In closing, singlehood can be very empowering because you're celebrating your individuality

[00:18:37] and the choice to prioritize your personal happiness.

[00:18:41] And the key takeaways you guys should walk away with is that as women, we can redefine our

[00:18:46] success and our fulfillment beyond relationships.

[00:18:48] And relationships should be there to enhance, not to define how I'm living or who I am.

[00:18:54] Thank you guys again for tuning into another episode.

[00:18:57] I hope you found the episode enlightening.

[00:18:59] And if you enjoyed the episode and any content I've dropped, please leave me a review on wherever

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[00:19:46] That's going to do it for this episode.

[00:19:47] I appreciate you guys and I hope you enjoyed.

[00:19:50] So until next episode, peace.