Episode 4: Being an Autism Mom

[00:00:00] Talk To Me, Talk To Me, Real Conversation, Shoot With Me, Talk To Me, Talk To Me, Life Said, Insights, Weight, and Seed. Let's Michele. Welcome into another episode of Talk To Me Michele. I am your host Michele and I appreciate you guys returning, subscribing, and sharing.

[00:00:46] Now episode three was very interesting. I did cover Uber passenger etiquette. I may have an additional part to that because every day there's something new that a passenger does and I need to bring attention to it because I don't think y'all know better.

[00:01:00] I'm sure my listeners and subscribers are respectful passengers, tell my mother ones. I appreciate that. But shout out to Jennifer H who is an Instagram friend of mine and she referred to me as a no player Uber Red Driver, driving drop.

[00:01:20] So I know she was referring to when I dropped that gentleman off who was supposed to be going to the airport, but he didn't quite make it there. Yeah, that's what I'm sure she's referring to. I need like one of those LED lights in my car.

[00:01:34] So when that happens again, it just lights up, get out and it has arrows pointing at both doors. That's that. I'm a you know, I can customize one. I'll get back to that later.

[00:01:44] But let's talk about today's topic is going to be very informative and it's going to be a little heart wrenching because there are some rough patches in the story. So welcome in to being an autism mom.

[00:02:00] Now my personal journey into motherhood, I never thought I was going to be a mom. It just wasn't in the cards or I just, you know, I was at a point in my life. Hey, I'm a single woman in my mid 30s. I had a good job.

[00:02:14] I was sharing a place with my sister and you know, life was good. You know, I met somebody here. We had a good relationship to a point, but I end up going to the dentist one day and I've always had a funny cycle.

[00:02:30] You know, that that has always been a fluctuating thing in my life. I'm at a point now. I ain't got to worry about that no more. But you know, back in the day it was, you know, on one day off one day, it was just no regular schedule.

[00:02:43] I could not predict it. So one day I'm going to the dentist and he asked me when was your last cycle? And I honestly could not remember. And he said, well, look, I can't give you anything for the procedure we need to do until

[00:02:58] you take a pregnancy test. And if it's negative, we can proceed. If not, we're going to have to find another alternative. So my son's father is with me and we go to a local drug store. I said, look, I'm going to this Taco Bell. Yes.

[00:03:14] I officially took a pregnancy test in the bathroom. And of course it came up with that positive note. Hey, you pregnant. Now when I got that news, I was happy. I was just overwhelmed with joy.

[00:03:30] I could not wait because I didn't think that was going to be an opportunity. I would have a chance to experience. I was just like, yo, I'm about to be a mom. Now, even though I was in my mid thirties, you know, done decently for myself.

[00:03:48] My family is old school. I was not married. All right. So I knew that was going to be an issue mainly with my mom. My mother Southern Bell traditional and everybody in the family on her side, definitely traditional.

[00:04:05] So no babies were supposed to be in play until you had a ring on your finger. I was a little nervous about breaking that news to her. But I'm like, I'm in my thirties. I want my baby. I want to become a mom. Trust me.

[00:04:20] That didn't last but a hot second because once she found out I was having a boy. Oh, you couldn't tell her nothing. My dad and my sister called it when they saw my first ultrasound. They're like, that's going to be a boy.

[00:04:33] So once I knew the sex of my baby, you know, we went shopping, sprees. We up here playing for the baby shower. I mean, I'm reading what to expect when you're expecting all that did all that.

[00:04:48] And I definitely was trying to put my sister got some type of voodoo thing with her. And that's not a bad thing. But it's like even when you speak things into existence, she would talk to my stomach every night.

[00:05:00] She would even put speakers on my stomach so the baby could hear whatever was going on or has some soothing music. And he would definitely relax when he would hear her voice because she talked to him so often.

[00:05:12] So she was like, you know, poohie poohie on my stomach, you know, poohie poohie. Make sure you go look like us. You're going to be tall because it's father's not as tall. But you know, but this was a fun pregnancy because I had so much support.

[00:05:23] I had friends that were anticipating the baby shower and I was putting my own little mix in there. I said, Hey, my man is going to be intelligent. He's going to have a sense of humor and a very outgoing personality. That's just a given.

[00:05:38] He's going to have all that once I got to the point of it was time for delivering. I was getting ready for my baby shower. Oh, my last doctor appointment. He said, oh, no, you might as well just go to the hospital right now.

[00:05:51] So I think it was maybe a month, maybe two months early than anticipated for me to give birth. So I was like, OK. And I think this was on the day of his baby shower that he decided to show up. I had a nice little baby shower planned.

[00:06:06] I had made my little registry that you do for baby showers, everything. Now I'm up in the hospital getting ready to give birth. I'm in the hospital, families, their friends are there. And during my pregnancy, I definitely fought all the right steps.

[00:06:21] And I had my wonderful son, Kevin. And I was scared at first not on being a mom, but it was not an easy birth he got stuck in my canal for a while. I, you know, I'm not a medical expert, but I think if they'd done a C

[00:06:39] section, it probably would have been a better delivery. But vaginal was the option on the table, or at least that's what he gave me. So once I gave birth to him, I did not hear him cry right away. So immediately my heart is dropping.

[00:06:54] And apparently a few seconds later, I heard him cry. I was like, Lord Jesus, thank you, Lord. Thank you. Thank you. Because I think it was at a point in my pregnancy that I almost miscarried. So I was definitely putting some heavy prayers on having a healthy

[00:07:09] baby after the challenges of the delivery. He had a week long stay in the NICU and it really took an emotional toll on me. I don't care what time of the day it was. If I was not sleeping, I was in that unit with my baby.

[00:07:28] It really took a toll on me because I was like, why is he had to stay here so long? What's going on? Just a lot of stuff, you know, as a parent, when you become a new parent,

[00:07:39] mother or father, you're trying to make sure your child is good. And eventually he was released to come home. So we go into the newborn phase and I'm adjusting to becoming a mom and I have got heavy family support.

[00:07:54] I promise you, I don't think those first couple of months of being a mom without my family, I would have been trash. I would have been trash because at the time I was struggling with postpartum.

[00:08:09] Most women do after pregnancy, and I really did not know how to manage it. And this is one thing I want to bring to the medical field, you know, when it comes to black women in medical care, y'all go to a black doctor.

[00:08:26] I'm saying this because I experienced it and there's been many other instances in my family that have not been served by black doctors. And we get these, you know, generic options or no options at all. So make sure you get you a good black doctor.

[00:08:43] I ain't trying to be, you know, controversial with that. I'm just saying, I think if I had that, I probably would have had a lot better care during my pregnancy and birth. But I wasn't told how to manage my depression.

[00:08:58] I was just, you know, put out there, you know, hey, here's your baby back. So I was not informed. I mean, I knew of it, but nobody told me how to manage it. So I went through that for a minute. But apparently once I got well enough,

[00:09:13] I started watching and enjoying the milestones of my son, you know, cooling, laughing, crawling, walking and eventually talking. You know, I was just taking such pride in his growth and development and he was such a good baby. I mean, I couldn't have asked for.

[00:09:33] I got what I asked for it and I thank the Lord for it. So we're getting into toddler stage and there's things like, you know, he's I don't think he ever walked. He did eventually start walking, but it was mostly running.

[00:09:48] And that boy was like speeding guns out was through the house once he was able to walk. He just started taking off through the house. And there were certain milestones I was looking for. And just to see what was going on, because he was doing everything

[00:10:02] that you would see other children reach their milestones like he would begin talking at a point and then he just stopped. It took me a minute to realize some of the signs because I was not really aware of what autism was being a new parent.

[00:10:21] And I was like, OK, what's going on? So I got a list of signs just to see, you know, what was taking place. And I'm not a medical expert by no means, but I definitely just wanted a guide to kind of put me in the right direction.

[00:10:36] So here are a few signs of autism. Social interaction difficulties, lack of eye contact or avoidant contact not responding to their name by 12 months, limited use of gestures such as pointing or waving, difficulty understanding other people's feelings or talking about their own feelings.

[00:10:57] And some behavioral indicators are a repetitive motions like hand, flap and clap and rock and strong presence of routines and difficulty with changes, intense focused interest in Pacific topics or activities. And it's also sensory sensitivities like sounds, lights, texture.

[00:11:19] So that's a lot that you'll see if you have your child diagnosed in time in their early stages of development before they turn to. So I was not really aware of all this, because like I said, that he was reaching certain milestones and I noticed that he would

[00:11:37] what they call stem when he gets excited, he would make high pitch noises, finger gestures and then start gesturing and stuff that he wanted instead of verbalizing them. So initially, I took him in for diagnosis. Now, this is why I'm in Texas now.

[00:11:55] This is a big part of why I'm in Texas now, because it was a frustrating experience. I don't know what's going on with Memphis, at least when I was a new mom. But I was not happy because I was referred to a therapist

[00:12:09] and I feel that all the paperwork about his behavior, some of the things he would do and you know, I'm just trying to make sure he's good. So we go back for the evaluation of the diagnosis, because they, you know,

[00:12:23] have me fill out paperwork and they diagnosed him separately in another room. They kind of like, you know, yeah, he's autistic. OK, let's discuss this more. And I'm looking back at this diagnosis report. The report is very negative because all it lists is all the symptoms

[00:12:40] that I've put in my paperwork. And I'm like, did you give me a diagnosis or you just gave me a copy of what I wrote in the paperwork? My sister was with me. I've already explained how my sister rolls.

[00:12:52] We're going over all this and the therapist looks like a college kid. Like she just got out of college and started working there. And I promise you, it was just not good for her when I started getting upset and changing my tone because I wasn't happy.

[00:13:09] They weren't giving me the answers to anything. When I got my tone change, she chuckled. Now, neither to say my sister was the one that went in. I mean, she went in on that therapist. It was two of them.

[00:13:32] It was an older woman and the younger one I'm referring to because, you know, throughout this process, you see and get frustrated with you because you're not answering questions and you think it's funny. See, that's the wrong thing to do.

[00:13:44] To a black person when we're trying to get a base of understanding and people start laughing, oh, that's like a trigger. At least it is for me and my sister. Don't be laughing. I'm trying to get some answers. So Wacky went off, went off so loud.

[00:13:59] The elder therapist was like, Oh, well, keep your voice down. We have children here. I don't give a fuck. And needless to say, we walked out. So at the time, my parents had moved to Texas.

[00:14:15] And as a mother and me wanting to leave Memphis for a long time, I was ready. So my sister and I and my son moved to Texas. And I mean, I did research before I got out of here and I researched the school district.

[00:14:31] I researched all the schools that he may be attending. And I landed myself at a great elementary school and they made this process so easy for me to walk through to make sure he's going to get speech therapy. He's going to get some more one-on-one attention,

[00:14:49] a few general classes and then a few smaller classes to individually meet his needs. I mean, it was like grade school. So I'm in the happiest times because it took a lot of relief off of me because as a parent, you're always concerned about your child.

[00:15:04] But, you know, being a mom with a child with special needs, you have so many different challenges that you want to make sure that everything that they need to face that they're taking care of and that they'll be able to move on independently.

[00:15:18] One of the greatest memories I got at that elementary school was his teacher, Ms. Davis. Ms. Davis was awesome. She was, you know, young, fun, informative. They were like buddies more than they were teacher and student. They both love pizza.

[00:15:36] So she had a major impact on my son's early education and I really appreciate you, Ms. Davis. I know it's not the last night because she's officially married with children of her own now. But she was just an awesome impact in his life.

[00:15:50] I enrolled him in special needs sports so he was able to play baseball. He was able to play basketball. It was just a real good surrounding community with so many different opportunities that catered to special needs. So he developed some friendships. One of his friendships that he developed

[00:16:09] that was early on was his friend, Ben. And I want to thank Ben and his family because that was the only family I let my son ever spend the night over because I already knew we had a rapport. They know I'm crazy. They know his aunt's crazy.

[00:16:25] But we had nothing to worry about. They were our wonderful family. Ben, I will never forget when I was enrolling Kevin like I forgot what grade it was but it was the first day of school. And I scored him to his classroom and Ben spoke to him

[00:16:39] and Kevin walked by because that is a social thing. And it's not that he was not in the mood. He just, that's just part of autism. And I said, I'm so sorry. And Ben was like, oh, he Kevin always does that.

[00:16:55] So it gave me a sense of relief that he was already accustomed to Kevin's social mannerism. So it gave me such joy, birthday parties, attending all his sports events. But of course, adolescence and young adulthood comes. So we're continuing to growth and part of that growth,

[00:17:17] I got to give a shout out to Texas Children's Hospital and our neurologist, Dr. Gary Clark. Dr. Gary Clark was such an awesome impact as well. Really with Kevin, it was more like a hangout than it was an examination. He just made it so easy.

[00:17:35] He was very easy to talk to. Kevin interacted with them great. So we had some good resources. But of course, with this development, social life became a major challenge during the time of the pandemic. That was for everybody. But I think it really hit the kids the most

[00:17:55] because they had to go to virtual school, which sucks. I promise you, all parents that went through the pandemic virtually, hey, my hat's off to you and please take them off to me too because that was not easy. Virtual learning was a big disadvantage

[00:18:11] for the children during the pandemic. I know we could only do so many options. He had to graduate virtually. So he did not have the opportunity to walk across the stage, to get his diploma, go with a prom, and experience a senior trip.

[00:18:29] He did not have that chance. And I promise you, it was different because I was able to graduate, walk across the stage and go to your computer and hear your child's name called during a graduation. And I'm like, this sucks. This really sucks.

[00:18:52] So now my son's a young adult. He's graduated high school and the pandemic was still going on and it's a challenge now to get him to socialize. The paranoia level is still high with him, but he's getting adjusted. The challenge that we're now facing

[00:19:09] is trying to get him employment and get him enrolled into a program to help him with additional life skills. Now let me tell you something about the process when you come to your child who's autistic. When it comes to resources and special needs,

[00:19:23] they're out there, but you got a shit load of paperwork to fill out. I mean, it is form after form after form. Please be sure to check all the resources or whatever program you're gonna have your young adult or even child enrolled in.

[00:19:39] There's a program that I found out that was out here not too far from me. And they have, you know, it looks like it's a good program. We went on a tour, but I promise you the staff attitude at this facility,

[00:19:53] it was like, you know, you fill out the paperwork, I got the money, let's do this. But then they don't tell you, oh, we got a waiting list and he got to wait till so-and-so. And if we dig up any educational records where he may have had trouble,

[00:20:07] that might delay it even further. So I'm like, well, what's the point of y'all even advertising and having me go through all this paperwork? So it's that kind of frustration. Now we're also facing the challenge of finding him employment

[00:20:21] and only so many companies hire people with special needs. Now, fortunately Texas has a program to assist with that. Now, let me tell you my experience with that because that's a whole other beast. I enrolled him in this state program that's supposed to help younger adults

[00:20:39] with special needs gain employment, job training, interview skills, et cetera. And I know it was over a year and we kept getting counselor after counselor. I mean, they were just the overturn rate on counselors. And I got frustrated.

[00:20:55] You know, I had to go into what I could call my white chicks moment when they were at the hotel and she said she was gonna write a letter. I write a letter in a heartbeat. I send the email like yesterday. When you want something to get done

[00:21:11] you need to put it in writing. I always think of a letter always hit home because I took the time out of my day to make sure I detailed what my problem is. So needless to say, I got a better response

[00:21:26] after I sent this letter off to them because he was on hold for a year. Different counselors every other few weeks it's just a hassle. So we're now finally at the point where they are trying to proceed with employment. He has his first job interview coming up

[00:21:44] and I hope and pray that everything works out for him because that's all I want from my son. That's all any parent wants for their child to be able to take care of themselves, to be well and enjoy life. So it's a lot.

[00:21:59] So we're still going through some of these challenges. I still gotta get him enrolled in a social program cause I want my son to have a fulfilling life and to have friends and just enjoy everything that he's supposed to enjoy.

[00:22:13] So I'm looking forward to his independence with employment for him to become financially stable and responsible. And my main thing that he suffers with is memory. Now, I always say memory is selective. At least I think so with my son, but that is one of his struggles.

[00:22:34] He's very verbal now. He he expresses himself greatly. And matter of fact, I'm going to go ahead and bring him on so you guys can get his perspective. All right, I'm here with my son Kevin. Kevin, how are you doing today, man?

[00:22:51] I'm doing great today. How are you? I'm doing fine. My man always makes sure he asks how everybody is doing. That's just part of his good manners. So how do you feel about being autistic? It's fine and it makes me smart. Oh, you know what?

[00:23:07] You're right because there are a lot of people that are autistic, that are very smart, made a lot of good inventions. So you were definitely right on that. What do you think are some of the challenges you face daily?

[00:23:19] Well, I have a hard time remembering to do my chores. I have a hard time to remember to take out the trash and I have mostly taking my pill and vacuuming the house, which is hardly to remember. Okay. So do you think reminders,

[00:23:35] like if I tell you or remind you to do a chore that, you know. Yeah, I do need reminders. Yeah, I know you do. I know you do. And how do you feel about your friendship and social life right now? Well, it felt good.

[00:23:51] I had a friend named Ben. I haven't talked to him in a long time. You know, I was telling everybody about Ben earlier and I think he'll be great after we record. You try to give him a call just to catch up. Okay. All right.

[00:24:03] So what are you enjoying most about your life right now? Playing games and sometimes playing with Shella and I'm pretty ball of her. Well, what about this opportunity you got coming up on trying to get a job? And getting a job. Yeah.

[00:24:20] I think you're going to do good at this job if you get this. Yes. I think you're going to do well. What are your dreams and goals about your future? Have a peaceful life with a wife. I don't know if I should have kids.

[00:24:34] Okay. Why do you feel like if you should have kids or not? If you have a wife? It's kind of throughout parenting, it's quite hard. It's quite hard. Parenting is quite hard. But you know, I think I was able to get through it

[00:24:48] because you are a fine young man. So you'll make that decision when it comes. Okay. Okay. So how do you manage your memory challenges? When I look at the floor or see hair, I have a mind for you to get the vacuum. That when you know,

[00:25:06] chelous sheds quite a bit. So that's you got constant reminders there, don't you? Yes. Yes. What advice would you give other young adults with autism? I'll tell them to do better and I'll help them. Well, you're a great helper.

[00:25:23] I definitely will get it to you are a great helper. And you know, I'm sure they're doing the best they can that you do the best you can. It's just everybody has their challenges. Okay. You know what I mean?

[00:25:33] I appreciate you coming on and talking to me on my show, man. Why thank you. Well, you're very welcome and I love you very much. I love you too. That's my man, Mr. Kevin, my pride and joy, a blessing from God.

[00:25:49] And I'm so glad that my mom was able to experience being a grandmother because definitely she wanted a boy. And jokingly, my sister and I used to always tease my mom that if she had a boy, he would definitely be suspect. I know he would. I'm telling you.

[00:26:03] So I would have a gay brother. But I am so glad that Kevin Fountain out of his busy schedule to join me briefly and share with you guys, you know, his advice, his experience. I really want to thank my son for coming on and answering some questions

[00:26:21] and just being his natural self. And I'm going to continue my journey as autism mom. And as these things develop, I will definitely keep everybody updated about his progress. So I want to encourage other parents of autistic children. It's hard, it's difficult, but it is so rewarding.

[00:26:39] They are the sweetest human beings on the planet. They are the most considerate human beings on the planet and the most creative. If you guys Google autistic creators, you're going to see so many names pop up, so many different talents. It's just meant because he didn't tell you,

[00:27:00] he likes to cook too. Only thing he likes to try to be creative on my dime. I'm like, you need to go to culinary school for that before you start getting too creative. I am going to take a moment to brag.

[00:27:11] My son was also the first autistic ringleader of the Universal Soul Circus here in Texas. It's on YouTube and my son, he did that. When I tell you he got up on stage, no fear, said what he had to say, went with the flow, my boy did that.

[00:27:32] So encourage your kids, make sure that they're well looked after if they have to go to an outside resource, research them, make sure they're good because like I said, it's very difficult in this time and age that we are dealing with people with any patients

[00:27:48] I struggle with myself, but I'm always going to have patients from my son, always. So look, do what you gotta do, encourage your kids, stay strong, find other parents and communities and groups to support you, your needs and to get aside relief because I used to have him

[00:28:05] in autism play groups when he was younger, they were so wonderful, they would have theme parties and you meet other parents going through the same thing you're going through. So make sure you keep that in mind. Now the next episode is going to be good and juicy.

[00:28:22] It's going to be the celebrities I met. Oh, yes, I'm going to drop all of the tea. Yes, all the tea going to get dropped on that one. Yeah, I'm dropping names, places, cons. I'm dropping all that next episode. Okay, thank you guys again for tuning in.

[00:28:42] I want you to share, subscribe and leave reviews and also follow me on social media for any updates and additional content at Talk To Me Michelle on Instagram. And of course, Mama's Kitchen Cookbook, my first cookbook on Amazon right now.

[00:28:58] You guys are going to get a nice, healthy cookbook. So many meals. So until next time, I'm out, peace.