Ep 318:Trauma Bonding in Relationships feat The Crown Thoughts Podcast

[00:00:00] Liquor Talk, another brand new episode starts right now. Thank you for everybody for checking out this episode live on the MBG Podcast Network, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, wherever you get your podcasts at. Thank you for pouring up on this episode of Liquor Talk. I got the liquor on hand and my guest is coming out of Connecticut. She got her wine. She's the host of the Crown Thoughts Podcast. It's Dr. Latina in the house. How you doing, doc?

[00:00:28] Hi, how are you? Thank you for having me, Victor. I'm so excited to be here.

[00:00:33] Yes, I am. Yes, I am.

[00:00:36] I've been following you for a long time.

[00:00:39] Yes, yes. We really have been following each other for a long time, haven't we?

[00:00:43] Yeah, we have.

[00:00:46] Hey, we're finally here together. We're finally here making it happen. So without further ado, why don't you tell the people a little bit about your podcast, the Crown Thoughts Podcast.

[00:00:55] Okay. So yes, my name is Latina Brame. I am a licensed clinician, not a doctor yet, but I love the way that you threw that in there. And so we manifest that. Yes, I will be a doctor Latina one day.

[00:01:14] Okay.

[00:01:15] Probably for a lot of the reasons that everyone else did. We were bored. I needed something to do. And I've always had a lot to say. So I can remember like just being very angry during the times where there was a lot of black crime or police brutality on black people.

[00:01:36] So that's initially how it started. I was just like a big advocate about the racial disparities. Fast forward to 2022. And I got very, very sick. And it stopped my work. And all I had left was Crown Thoughts. And I somehow started this healing journey.

[00:01:58] Being a therapist before the healing journey. I just followed what the DSM vibe said. But there was something about being put in a place of stillness that pushed me to really shift where my platform was going.

[00:02:16] And a lot of women started reaching out to me saying, I can connect with you. The first episode that really kind of broke the barrier for me was disclosing that I was a victim of trauma, of complex trauma, meaning it happened repeatedly, often, almost every single day.

[00:02:39] So it was amazing to hear the feedback from the audience. And it felt very freeing. And after that, Crown Thoughts just kind of took off into this realm of mental health and really giving insight what it means to be a black woman therapist with her own traumas.

[00:02:59] So, yeah.

[00:03:29] Overcome it.

[00:03:59] But I still have parts of me that are broken, that have fragments. And so the way I handle my moods, the foods that I choose to eat, the people that I've chosen to date, even the friends that I've chosen, all of those things became connected to my trauma.

[00:04:20] And once I was able to recognize it, that is when I was able to grow. But just like you said, not everybody gets to that point where they're willing to change.

[00:04:31] So at what point were you like, I want to help others change? I want to do my part to help others change instead of just being like, I'm going to change for me and forget about everybody else.

[00:04:47] My 13-year-old self would be laughing, laughing because I was a bully, a big bully.

[00:04:54] And I was not at all nice and rainbows and let's sit and do yoga. I was not that girl.

[00:05:03] And even in my 20s, because I was a young mother, I'm a teen mom. I had my first year at 18.

[00:05:12] I had the mindset of, I could do it all on my own. I don't need anyone's help. And I'm going to prove you guys wrong that I'm not a statistic.

[00:05:21] So even then, I was still very much in my ego. Psychology didn't come to me until I started experiencing it firsthand.

[00:05:31] So there were people directly close to me and I was watching them suffer. And that kind of intrigued me.

[00:05:40] After that, I don't know. It's just, it became my thing.

[00:05:45] And then I think I have a knack for analyzing or really understanding people's behaviors, but that also is a trauma response.

[00:05:53] So it's interesting to see how some of my own like broken pieces I've been able to use as knowledge, not straight knowledge, because a lot of us have straight knowledge.

[00:06:07] But yeah.

[00:06:09] Yeah, that's very, go ahead.

[00:06:13] As I was saying, to answer your second question, I started out with helping people and realized how much I also needed help still too.

[00:06:23] So I don't think it was ever like, oh, I'm helping people because I healed myself. No, no, no, no, no.

[00:06:29] It was through my work that I was like, oh, if you really want to step into this role, you got to clean up just those insides, those parts that you're telling them about as well.

[00:06:39] So it kind of just became all put together.

[00:06:45] Yes. Yeah.

[00:06:47] And I can understand that.

[00:06:48] I can all understand that coming full circle.

[00:06:50] So at what point did you decide you want to transform this and do a podcast?

[00:06:58] Again, it was back in 2020.

[00:07:00] But in the beginning, it was just like I was riled up about Black people's rights, you know, the voting against Trump.

[00:07:09] It wasn't until I got very sick and I just felt this urge to share more of my story on Crown Thoughts.

[00:07:17] It was already existing, but I just like I need to share more.

[00:07:20] Like I really need to go deeper.

[00:07:22] So, again, it was something about me becoming very sick and not being able to work.

[00:07:26] Actually, I was out of work for six months.

[00:07:30] I got diagnosed with Crohn's, which is like a chronic illness.

[00:07:34] It's an inflammatory disease.

[00:07:35] And we know that a lot of diseases are connected to mental health issues.

[00:07:42] So the sicker I became, the worst that my mental health declined as well.

[00:07:48] After that, I was like, I need to put my mind into something positive, into work.

[00:07:53] And I switched up the tone of Crown Thoughts.

[00:07:56] And it's just stuck.

[00:08:00] That's amazing.

[00:08:01] That's amazing that you didn't let the sickness stop you because sometimes people will allow the sickness to stop them.

[00:08:08] And then they'll play right into the pharmaceutical's hand.

[00:08:11] They'll be like, they'll be taking things and the shit will make it worse instead of making it better.

[00:08:16] That's why the doctors don't like TikTok and stuff because they be telling you all the holistic ways to cure yourself.

[00:08:23] I agree.

[00:08:23] I agree.

[00:08:24] I think that everything is trial and error because maybe there are also some holistic things that I myself probably would not get into without really knowing what it is.

[00:08:36] But I also agree.

[00:08:37] The pharmaceutical company can do more when it comes to individualizing the needs of the people that they're selling the stuff to.

[00:08:48] Yeah, they can.

[00:08:49] But you already know they won't because they want the money at the end of the day.

[00:08:54] That's how doctors and hospitals, they make their money when people are sick.

[00:09:00] And not enough people realize that.

[00:09:03] Yeah.

[00:09:03] Yeah.

[00:09:04] I agree.

[00:09:05] I agree.

[00:09:07] It's the sad world we live in and stuff.

[00:09:10] So moving on, continue with your podcast.

[00:09:13] What episode did you record?

[00:09:15] And you're like, I'm going to keep doing this because we all have that one episode we record and we're like, wow, I'm here for this.

[00:09:22] This is what I like to do.

[00:09:27] Victor, I'm not even going to lie to you.

[00:09:29] The episode is manifestation and masturbation.

[00:09:34] I was like, I like that.

[00:09:37] You know, somebody else tweeted that one time and I'm like, manifestation, masturbation.

[00:09:43] Really?

[00:09:44] Yeah.

[00:09:44] Somebody tweeted that a long time ago and I'm like, how the hell you masturbate and then manifest something?

[00:09:50] Do you manifest something before you get yours or what?

[00:09:54] How?

[00:09:55] No, exactly.

[00:09:56] It's supposed to happen at the same time.

[00:09:58] So it's exactly what you asked.

[00:10:00] How the hell am I supposed to do that in one of the most uncontrollable moments?

[00:10:05] So they said if you're able to manage your thought during that time, rather than saying, oh my God, this feels good.

[00:10:11] You're just going to reinforce it.

[00:10:13] Yeah, it does feel good.

[00:10:14] But what if you say, wow, with this energy, I'm going to da da da.

[00:10:21] Not say I'm going to have a million dollars.

[00:10:23] That's crazy.

[00:10:24] But yeah.

[00:10:28] I mean, I know it's small.

[00:10:31] It's small steps.

[00:10:32] It's like sometimes in their thoughts, you're like, you might want to manifest like, hey, I want to manifest somebody to fuck, you know, something small like that, you know, baby steps.

[00:10:46] Okay, but then what if you manifested the qualities that attracts the women that you want, rather than just the person?

[00:10:53] I want to be the person that everybody sees in as well.

[00:10:57] I don't want to be a chaser.

[00:10:58] I want to be light.

[00:11:00] You know what?

[00:11:01] You're right.

[00:11:02] You're right.

[00:11:03] That's what we need to be.

[00:11:04] We need to be light because one thing about people is if you start off chasing them, you're going to have to continue to chase them.

[00:11:10] And then if they get bored with you, there'll be somebody else waiting in line.

[00:11:16] Yeah.

[00:11:17] Yeah, I agree.

[00:11:18] And then you never get to be your real self if you're always trying to prove.

[00:11:24] But we all experience.

[00:11:26] I, for sure, I sometimes get into those spaces where I feel like I have to prove when it comes to podcasting because there's so many of them, right?

[00:11:36] It's like, well, what am I going to do that's going to catch the listener's eyes and ears?

[00:11:44] I feel that.

[00:11:45] I definitely feel that because I was like that, too.

[00:11:47] Like, how am I going to capture the people?

[00:11:49] And I found it.

[00:11:51] And once I found it and I stepped to it and I found what works for me, I feel like you find your thing and find whatever works for you.

[00:11:58] The listeners will come and the support will come.

[00:12:00] That's why I've been telling myself.

[00:12:01] And that's why it's like you got to just find what supports you first and what you like to do first and put your energy into it.

[00:12:08] And then everybody else should come.

[00:12:11] The right people will come.

[00:12:12] Yes, they always do.

[00:12:14] And they come back.

[00:12:15] And they bring people.

[00:12:17] Yes, they do.

[00:12:19] Yes, they damn sure do.

[00:12:20] They really did come back and they bring people as well.

[00:12:23] So that's definitely a case.

[00:12:26] But ladies and gentlemen, this is Liquor Talk.

[00:12:28] The more you drink, the better we sound.

[00:12:30] This podcast sounds a whole lot better when you have some liquor, ladies and gentlemen.

[00:12:33] I'm on tequila tonight.

[00:12:35] I know she owns some wine over there.

[00:12:36] But that's very interesting.

[00:12:39] We discovered something new for 2025.

[00:12:42] Manifestation and masturbation.

[00:12:44] Two things I would have never thought to put together.

[00:12:46] But now you think about it, you're like, wow.

[00:12:52] Victor's going to go home and be like, okay.

[00:12:55] So I put the thought first?

[00:12:57] Or the action?

[00:13:00] Because sometimes it's like certain flicks, we're trying to find something to get it.

[00:13:05] But then, you know, you're like, I don't know.

[00:13:09] Okay, so there's context behind it.

[00:13:11] There's context behind it.

[00:13:13] I have to do the context.

[00:13:15] Because that episode was actually during a time when I was in my singleness, right?

[00:13:21] And I was like, I have no interest in dating because I have been in some trauma bonds before.

[00:13:28] And I just kind of want to just chill out.

[00:13:30] And so I had a lot of time.

[00:13:35] And I actually started reading into sex magic.

[00:13:39] And I was just like, this is crazy.

[00:13:41] But it just draw up this idea of empowering women, one, to talk about masturbation.

[00:13:49] Because we know men do it.

[00:13:50] But women hardly talk about it.

[00:13:52] Unless they're talking about a robe.

[00:13:53] You know, like the toys.

[00:13:56] Yeah.

[00:13:57] Oh, I know a lot of women that love to talk about their toys and stuff.

[00:14:00] I done had one on the podcast.

[00:14:02] Shout out to Wholeology Podcast.

[00:14:04] That's the one I had on.

[00:14:05] She was talking about the toys.

[00:14:06] But continue.

[00:14:08] But it's very empowering when you're able to talk about it aloud as a woman.

[00:14:13] So that was a fun episode.

[00:14:16] It was.

[00:14:16] A lot of people were giving me a lot of feedback.

[00:14:21] You know, I find it's always the sex episodes where people always got something to say.

[00:14:27] Everybody got something to say.

[00:14:28] Even the sex episodes I done did.

[00:14:31] If not everybody got something to say.

[00:14:33] I done.

[00:14:33] Sometimes I had actors on or actresses on.

[00:14:36] Everybody got something to say about them.

[00:14:38] I'm like, god damn.

[00:14:39] Everybody's got something to say about that.

[00:14:41] But y'all don't hear the other conversations I be having.

[00:14:44] Right.

[00:14:45] Right.

[00:14:46] It's like, well, how do I keep the audience intrigued?

[00:14:49] But also talk about the things that I want to talk about.

[00:14:52] Just throw it in there randomly like we did here.

[00:14:56] Yeah.

[00:14:56] Yeah.

[00:14:56] That's exactly what you got to do.

[00:14:58] You definitely got to just throw it in there randomly and stuff.

[00:15:02] Because I said.

[00:15:03] Nasty, nasty.

[00:15:07] Yes, they are.

[00:15:08] They are some nasty fucks.

[00:15:09] But you got to love the nasty fucks.

[00:15:11] They the ones supporting.

[00:15:12] So you got to love them, right?

[00:15:14] Yes.

[00:15:15] Shout out to y'all.

[00:15:16] Yes.

[00:15:17] Yes.

[00:15:18] Shout out to y'all for real.

[00:15:20] And anybody listening to this before you.

[00:15:22] If you're going to fap, think about something you want.

[00:15:24] Whatever it is.

[00:15:26] And come back and tell me how it worked for you.

[00:15:28] You know.

[00:15:28] It ain't going to happen instantaneously.

[00:15:30] But you know.

[00:15:31] No.

[00:15:32] No, it won't.

[00:15:34] But I'd rather give some power into believing I'm going to have a pink Porsche than I don't know.

[00:15:41] Yeah.

[00:15:42] Yeah.

[00:15:43] I definitely feel you there.

[00:15:45] Damn.

[00:15:45] A pink Porsche?

[00:15:48] Yes.

[00:15:49] Hey, that's good.

[00:15:50] That's good.

[00:15:51] But you know.

[00:15:52] But I just.

[00:15:53] I would hate to drive it up there in Connecticut.

[00:15:55] Because you know.

[00:15:55] It'd be cold up there.

[00:15:56] And then the roads be all snowing and stuff.

[00:16:00] Yeah.

[00:16:00] But you'd be surprised.

[00:16:02] Connecticut is a rich state.

[00:16:04] So there's a lot of different types of cars and things out here.

[00:16:08] We're one of the richest counties.

[00:16:09] And people have like snow cars.

[00:16:12] I just have one car.

[00:16:13] You know.

[00:16:14] I'm not there yet.

[00:16:15] But.

[00:16:17] Hey, I'm not there yet either.

[00:16:18] I'm trying to get there myself.

[00:16:19] So.

[00:16:20] Because you know.

[00:16:21] I live in a rich state too.

[00:16:23] Even though I'm not in the richest part of Florida.

[00:16:31] Yeah.

[00:16:31] Yeah.

[00:16:32] I do.

[00:16:32] Like I said.

[00:16:32] I do live in a rich.

[00:16:33] Rich state.

[00:16:34] Because Florida.

[00:16:35] Got a whole bunch of money.

[00:16:36] But I'm not in the part where all the money is.

[00:16:38] Like that's Miami.

[00:16:39] That's like Fort Lauderdale.

[00:16:40] That's South Florida.

[00:16:42] Yes.

[00:16:43] I've been to.

[00:16:47] Where did we go to?

[00:16:50] It'll come back to me another time.

[00:16:52] But everyone's been to Disney World.

[00:16:53] I've been to Disney World.

[00:16:54] I've been to Miami.

[00:16:57] Of course.

[00:16:58] Everybody's been to Disney World in Miami.

[00:17:00] Those are the two places everybody tells me they've been to and stuff.

[00:17:04] So.

[00:17:04] They really love coming down to Florida for that.

[00:17:06] But hey.

[00:17:07] Us as regular Floridians.

[00:17:09] We see it all the time.

[00:17:10] And then.

[00:17:10] One thing we don't like is the darn traffic in those areas.

[00:17:14] Yes.

[00:17:15] I can imagine.

[00:17:17] And also your.

[00:17:19] Highway.

[00:17:20] Minimum speed limits is so much higher than ours.

[00:17:24] I was like.

[00:17:24] Oh they're trying to run me off the road out here.

[00:17:26] It's crazy.

[00:17:28] You know.

[00:17:29] You know in Florida.

[00:17:30] Some people in Florida.

[00:17:31] The reason why they're running off the road.

[00:17:33] Is because.

[00:17:33] They don't look at the speed limit as a suggestion.

[00:17:36] They don't really actually do the speed limit.

[00:17:38] Unless there's a cop behind them.

[00:17:39] That's when they actually do the speed limit.

[00:17:42] Yeah.

[00:17:42] Yeah.

[00:17:43] Yeah.

[00:17:43] But if you think Florida is bad.

[00:17:45] You gotta go to Texas.

[00:17:47] Because I heard in Texas.

[00:17:48] It's like 80.

[00:17:51] Really?

[00:17:52] Yeah.

[00:17:53] In Texas.

[00:17:53] Certain parts of Texas.

[00:17:55] The speed limit is 80.

[00:17:56] I'm like.

[00:17:57] Son of a bitch.

[00:17:59] That's insane.

[00:18:00] That's insane.

[00:18:01] Yes.

[00:18:02] That.

[00:18:03] That is very insane.

[00:18:05] Y'all gonna kill somebody man.

[00:18:07] But moving on.

[00:18:09] Go ahead.

[00:18:11] Huh?

[00:18:12] They're 45.

[00:18:14] On some highways.

[00:18:16] And some highways are 60.

[00:18:17] Like.

[00:18:17] No one's doing 80 out here.

[00:18:22] It's like that here in Florida too.

[00:18:23] But you'd be surprised.

[00:18:25] People don't care.

[00:18:29] It's like.

[00:18:30] People don't care.

[00:18:31] And.

[00:18:32] And Florida.

[00:18:33] And the highway patrol can't be everywhere.

[00:18:34] Everywhere.

[00:18:36] Yeah.

[00:18:37] Yeah.

[00:18:39] Yeah.

[00:18:40] It's crazy.

[00:18:41] But.

[00:18:41] Let's talk a little bit about.

[00:18:43] Trauma bonding.

[00:18:45] And like.

[00:18:45] Why do people.

[00:18:46] Find ways to.

[00:18:48] Bond over trauma.

[00:18:49] Instead of.

[00:18:50] Trying to heal.

[00:18:54] You know.

[00:18:56] I'll give you.

[00:18:57] An example.

[00:18:59] I've had.

[00:19:01] Clients.

[00:19:02] Who.

[00:19:02] Become friends.

[00:19:04] Because they met each other.

[00:19:06] In therapy groups.

[00:19:07] And in those groups.

[00:19:09] You have.

[00:19:10] A space.

[00:19:11] Where you can be vulnerable.

[00:19:12] You can share your stories.

[00:19:14] And other people hear you.

[00:19:15] They see you.

[00:19:16] And they.

[00:19:18] Reinforce.

[00:19:19] The feelings.

[00:19:19] That you're.

[00:19:20] You're going through.

[00:19:21] They let you know like.

[00:19:21] Yo.

[00:19:22] You're not crazy.

[00:19:22] For what you went through.

[00:19:24] There's something about that.

[00:19:26] Small bit of reassurance.

[00:19:28] That light signals.

[00:19:29] Up in our brain.

[00:19:30] That lets us know.

[00:19:31] That we're safe.

[00:19:32] And that's just in a therapy group.

[00:19:35] So imagine.

[00:19:37] That being someone.

[00:19:38] That you talk to.

[00:19:39] On the phone every day.

[00:19:40] That you.

[00:19:41] Spend time.

[00:19:42] You know.

[00:19:43] At the movies.

[00:19:44] Or you go on dates.

[00:19:45] Or.

[00:19:46] All of those moments.

[00:19:48] Reinforce.

[00:19:49] The feeling.

[00:19:49] That you have not been able.

[00:19:51] To find.

[00:19:53] In your everyday life.

[00:19:55] It feels good.

[00:19:58] The trauma bonding.

[00:19:59] Begins.

[00:20:00] When.

[00:20:01] There's too many shifts.

[00:20:03] Between.

[00:20:03] The good feelings.

[00:20:05] And the not so good feelings.

[00:20:06] Because.

[00:20:07] Both people.

[00:20:08] Aren't able.

[00:20:09] To.

[00:20:10] Take a second.

[00:20:12] Look back at themselves.

[00:20:13] And be like.

[00:20:13] Well.

[00:20:15] This is triggering me.

[00:20:17] Instead.

[00:20:19] It.

[00:20:19] It feels like.

[00:20:20] This is a threat.

[00:20:21] To me.

[00:20:22] So.

[00:20:23] When we feel threatened.

[00:20:25] Right.

[00:20:25] Right.

[00:20:26] We react.

[00:20:28] But then.

[00:20:28] We get confused.

[00:20:29] Like.

[00:20:30] Whoa.

[00:20:31] I love you.

[00:20:32] I didn't mean that.

[00:20:36] And so.

[00:20:37] We calm down.

[00:20:39] We not apologizing.

[00:20:41] There's hardly ever conversation.

[00:20:43] Or maybe there is.

[00:20:44] The conversation is probably love bombing.

[00:20:46] So it's a lot of.

[00:20:46] Baby.

[00:20:47] I'm sorry.

[00:20:47] I would never do this to you.

[00:20:48] I didn't mean to hit you.

[00:20:50] Or I didn't mean to cheat on you.

[00:20:52] And then we get back into feeling good again.

[00:20:57] So.

[00:20:57] It basically sounds like.

[00:20:59] Like there's no accountability being taken.

[00:21:00] Like.

[00:21:01] How can people be okay with.

[00:21:03] No accountability being taken.

[00:21:05] Because I've learned in my experiences.

[00:21:06] I need.

[00:21:07] I respect people more.

[00:21:08] When they take accountability for their actions.

[00:21:11] Than compared to somebody that.

[00:21:13] You know.

[00:21:14] That they.

[00:21:14] They acknowledge they did it.

[00:21:16] But.

[00:21:16] I don't hear no remorse.

[00:21:18] Or.

[00:21:18] They don't hear.

[00:21:19] No.

[00:21:19] You know.

[00:21:20] No accountability.

[00:21:24] If we shifted the word.

[00:21:26] To.

[00:21:26] Awareness.

[00:21:29] Would there be more understanding?

[00:21:32] Because.

[00:21:32] I don't know.

[00:21:33] Yeah.

[00:21:33] Sometimes it is accountability.

[00:21:35] But a lot of the times.

[00:21:36] It's.

[00:21:37] Awareness.

[00:21:38] How do I know.

[00:21:39] That what I'm doing is wrong.

[00:21:40] If all I've ever been doing is this.

[00:21:44] Hmm.

[00:21:45] So.

[00:21:46] Maybe it's because.

[00:21:48] Or actually.

[00:21:49] Maybe it's because.

[00:21:49] As the person.

[00:21:50] It was.

[00:21:50] Okay with it.

[00:21:51] But then they.

[00:21:52] I guess.

[00:21:52] They had a bad day.

[00:21:53] And something just triggered them.

[00:21:55] And now they said something about it.

[00:21:57] Instead of.

[00:21:57] Calling it out.

[00:21:58] Even when times were okay.

[00:22:00] Weren't.

[00:22:00] Were good.

[00:22:01] Yeah.

[00:22:02] Yeah.

[00:22:03] And I'm.

[00:22:03] I'm absolutely.

[00:22:05] Agreeing with you.

[00:22:05] I love to play devil's advocate.

[00:22:07] Because.

[00:22:08] We all ask the question.

[00:22:09] Why did you go back to him?

[00:22:11] You know.

[00:22:12] Or.

[00:22:14] There.

[00:22:14] There's just so many.

[00:22:16] Um.

[00:22:17] But.

[00:22:18] A real trauma.

[00:22:19] A bonding.

[00:22:20] It is.

[00:22:21] Physically.

[00:22:22] And mentally.

[00:22:22] Hard to separate.

[00:22:25] Because.

[00:22:26] There have been.

[00:22:27] Chemicals in the brain.

[00:22:29] That signals that this person.

[00:22:31] Is my person.

[00:22:32] It is an addictive.

[00:22:33] Response.

[00:22:36] So.

[00:22:37] With any.

[00:22:38] Addiction.

[00:22:39] It has to start with an awareness.

[00:22:41] Right?

[00:22:41] That's the first step.

[00:22:42] I think.

[00:22:42] In AA.

[00:22:43] It sounds crazy.

[00:22:44] Is love an addiction?

[00:22:46] Yes and no.

[00:22:47] It's.

[00:22:48] I think love is complex.

[00:22:50] Do those two people.

[00:22:51] Who trauma bond.

[00:22:52] Love each other?

[00:22:54] Perhaps.

[00:22:58] Yeah.

[00:22:59] It's like.

[00:23:00] I feel like though.

[00:23:01] For those two people.

[00:23:02] That trauma bond and stuff.

[00:23:03] I feel like they might have to go through something.

[00:23:05] To really test.

[00:23:06] Whether or not.

[00:23:07] It's love.

[00:23:07] Or we just.

[00:23:08] End it.

[00:23:09] Or we just.

[00:23:10] End it.

[00:23:10] Yeah.

[00:23:11] We trauma bonded.

[00:23:12] Over the fact that we both were hurt in relationships.

[00:23:15] But if you think about it.

[00:23:16] Yeah.

[00:23:16] It's all been hurt.

[00:23:17] It's just a matter of.

[00:23:19] Are we going to let this thing defeat us.

[00:23:21] And present ourselves as defeated.

[00:23:23] And then connect with somebody else that is defeated.

[00:23:25] Or are we going to.

[00:23:27] Maybe start off bonding.

[00:23:29] But have the mindset where.

[00:23:31] We're not going to let this thing defeat us.

[00:23:32] We're going to elevate from this.

[00:23:34] And what I've learned is.

[00:23:35] So many people.

[00:23:36] They like to stay in that place of.

[00:23:37] Oh I'm defeated.

[00:23:39] And they find somebody else that.

[00:23:40] Oh I'm defeated too.

[00:23:41] So I'm like.

[00:23:42] I don't know.

[00:23:44] Again.

[00:23:45] If we shifted the word.

[00:23:47] From defeated.

[00:23:48] To depressed.

[00:23:51] To.

[00:23:53] A lot of things.

[00:23:55] Yeah.

[00:23:58] Yeah.

[00:23:59] It's crazy.

[00:24:00] And also.

[00:24:00] I've heard people say.

[00:24:02] That the reason they stayed with somebody.

[00:24:03] Is because this person.

[00:24:05] Met me at a low point.

[00:24:06] And they really helped me out.

[00:24:08] But.

[00:24:09] That really.

[00:24:09] That's really no excuse to.

[00:24:11] Justify a person's actions though.

[00:24:14] No.

[00:24:15] Not at all.

[00:24:16] But again.

[00:24:17] And I.

[00:24:17] I know it's like.

[00:24:18] Really really.

[00:24:19] Sometimes it's frustrating to see.

[00:24:20] Because I have.

[00:24:22] Worked with clients.

[00:24:23] Who are in abusive situations.

[00:24:25] And I cannot.

[00:24:26] You know.

[00:24:26] Disclose too much.

[00:24:27] Because I want to respect their privacy.

[00:24:29] But.

[00:24:30] There is.

[00:24:31] Facts.

[00:24:32] That say.

[00:24:32] It takes a woman.

[00:24:33] Seven times.

[00:24:35] Seven times.

[00:24:35] She will leave her abuser.

[00:24:37] Before she finally leaves.

[00:24:40] So.

[00:24:41] Damn.

[00:24:41] There's.

[00:24:43] It's.

[00:24:43] It's not such a cookie cutter situation.

[00:24:46] And then there are situations.

[00:24:47] Where it's like.

[00:24:48] Come on y'all.

[00:24:48] This is some silly shit.

[00:24:49] And y'all need to just go ahead.

[00:24:50] And break up.

[00:24:51] Or figure it out.

[00:24:52] Right.

[00:24:52] But in some true trauma bonding.

[00:24:55] It's dangerous.

[00:24:57] For both parties.

[00:24:59] And so.

[00:25:00] To break that.

[00:25:01] It has to start with.

[00:25:05] Disconnecting.

[00:25:06] In some serious.

[00:25:07] Serious situations.

[00:25:08] It's no contact.

[00:25:11] Completely.

[00:25:14] I.

[00:25:15] I don't even know.

[00:25:15] If that's possible nowadays.

[00:25:17] Because people that say.

[00:25:18] They break up with somebody.

[00:25:19] But they still find them on social media.

[00:25:21] There's still.

[00:25:21] They still got their eye on them.

[00:25:23] Somehow.

[00:25:23] And.

[00:25:24] Obviously.

[00:25:25] And then.

[00:25:25] They always have a sick sense of knowing.

[00:25:27] When this person is about to talk to somebody new.

[00:25:29] And they're out of nowhere.

[00:25:30] They get DM'd.

[00:25:32] Like.

[00:25:32] Hey.

[00:25:32] I miss you.

[00:25:32] You're a big head.

[00:25:33] Or something like that.

[00:25:34] I'm like.

[00:25:40] I said.

[00:25:40] Have you experienced this?

[00:25:43] I've experienced this.

[00:25:44] Because.

[00:25:44] I've been.

[00:25:45] I've.

[00:25:45] Not to say.

[00:25:46] I've been that person that.

[00:25:47] You know.

[00:25:47] I'm trying to talk to you.

[00:25:48] Get to know somebody.

[00:25:50] But then.

[00:25:50] Here come the sorry ass ex.

[00:25:52] They used to tell me.

[00:25:53] They ain't shit.

[00:25:54] They ain't this.

[00:25:55] They ain't that.

[00:25:56] But you're going back with the motherfucker.

[00:25:58] Yeah.

[00:26:00] You know.

[00:26:01] Look.

[00:26:02] And I.

[00:26:03] You know what.

[00:26:04] And I've been that girl.

[00:26:05] Where.

[00:26:05] I'm absolutely happy.

[00:26:08] And someone wants to try.

[00:26:09] And come back.

[00:26:11] I don't know why those things happen.

[00:26:13] I think it's just.

[00:26:14] It does.

[00:26:16] But.

[00:26:16] Again.

[00:26:17] That's the part of the awareness.

[00:26:18] If you know that person.

[00:26:19] And the person coming back.

[00:26:20] Could be a friend.

[00:26:22] It could be.

[00:26:23] An old.

[00:26:24] Person you dated.

[00:26:25] Right.

[00:26:25] Because we trauma bond with people.

[00:26:27] It's not always.

[00:26:28] The person we're laying down.

[00:26:29] And having sex with.

[00:26:30] I have trauma bonded with friends.

[00:26:33] Um.

[00:26:34] Actually.

[00:26:34] I had a best friend.

[00:26:35] A smile.

[00:26:36] Because I have very fond memories of her.

[00:26:38] But we trauma bonded.

[00:26:40] Because both of our mothers.

[00:26:40] Used to get high together.

[00:26:42] And we were the girls.

[00:26:43] That played with each other.

[00:26:45] Um.

[00:26:46] Yeah.

[00:26:48] Is it that one?

[00:26:49] Two siblings.

[00:26:50] Trump.

[00:26:50] Oh.

[00:26:51] Go ahead.

[00:26:52] I was saying.

[00:26:53] But.

[00:26:54] Oh no.

[00:26:54] The original.

[00:26:54] People just come back sometimes.

[00:26:56] You got to know.

[00:26:57] When to put your boundaries in.

[00:26:58] Like.

[00:26:58] Nah.

[00:26:59] You played me.

[00:27:01] Yes.

[00:27:01] Move.

[00:27:04] Yes.

[00:27:05] That's so true.

[00:27:06] And it's just.

[00:27:07] As much as we say that.

[00:27:08] But sadly.

[00:27:09] We all got that one soft spot for somebody.

[00:27:11] I don't know why.

[00:27:13] Why that is.

[00:27:13] But.

[00:27:14] We always have that one soft spot for them.

[00:27:16] If they would just act right.

[00:27:18] Then we'll make some stuff happen.

[00:27:20] I don't know why people are like that.

[00:27:21] We all have that one person.

[00:27:22] We have a soft spot for her.

[00:27:24] Be like.

[00:27:24] Hey.

[00:27:24] If they ever popped up.

[00:27:26] And they came back differently.

[00:27:27] Then I'm willing to give it a second chance.

[00:27:29] But.

[00:27:30] People don't realize that sometimes.

[00:27:31] They might just be putting on the front.

[00:27:33] Just to get back in your life.

[00:27:37] You know what?

[00:27:38] I'm hearing you.

[00:27:39] You're like.

[00:27:39] Yeah.

[00:27:39] We all have that one.

[00:27:40] Nah.

[00:27:40] Not me.

[00:27:41] That must be my trauma response.

[00:27:42] Because once I cut you off.

[00:27:43] Like.

[00:27:44] I will walk past you.

[00:27:45] And.

[00:27:45] I'm good.

[00:27:46] And that's something I'm working through.

[00:27:48] Because not everyone needs.

[00:27:50] Not everyone deserves such coldness from me.

[00:27:52] But I also feel like.

[00:27:53] When I love.

[00:27:54] I love hard.

[00:27:55] My friends.

[00:27:56] My family.

[00:27:57] You know.

[00:27:58] Anybody.

[00:27:58] Anybody.

[00:27:58] So.

[00:28:00] When I say I'm done.

[00:28:02] Thank you.

[00:28:03] And see.

[00:28:04] Like you guys.

[00:28:06] You know.

[00:28:07] Believe it or not.

[00:28:08] I'm that same way.

[00:28:09] Because.

[00:28:10] Yeah.

[00:28:10] I don't keep in touch with any of my exes.

[00:28:12] Whether it's ex friends.

[00:28:14] Ex lovers.

[00:28:15] Hell.

[00:28:15] There's even family members.

[00:28:17] I don't even keep in touch with.

[00:28:18] Because.

[00:28:19] Y'all crossed the line.

[00:28:19] And I'm like.

[00:28:20] To hell with y'all.

[00:28:21] You know.

[00:28:21] Y'all.

[00:28:21] Y'all fucked up my peace.

[00:28:23] Y'all not welcome back.

[00:28:25] Right.

[00:28:26] So.

[00:28:26] Okay.

[00:28:27] Stay right there.

[00:28:27] Right.

[00:28:28] It's the same thing with our trauma bond.

[00:28:29] We recognize that.

[00:28:31] You can no longer.

[00:28:32] Continue this story in my life.

[00:28:36] And you're able to walk past it.

[00:28:37] In a trauma bond.

[00:28:39] You can walk past it.

[00:28:40] And then.

[00:28:41] As you're walking.

[00:28:42] You feel guilty.

[00:28:43] You feel scared.

[00:28:44] You're like.

[00:28:45] Panicking.

[00:28:46] Did I make the right decision?

[00:28:48] And that small.

[00:28:49] Inkling of looking back.

[00:28:51] Is what gets people running back.

[00:28:54] Where versus.

[00:28:56] Yeah.

[00:28:58] And in this season.

[00:28:59] I've experienced it a lot.

[00:29:00] Where people.

[00:29:02] In my past.

[00:29:03] I miss them.

[00:29:04] I would love to reach out.

[00:29:05] But I know that it's no need to.

[00:29:07] And so.

[00:29:07] I can sit and be happy with the.

[00:29:09] The good memories.

[00:29:11] And keep it moving.

[00:29:13] Right.

[00:29:13] Because we don't have to.

[00:29:15] Hate everybody from our past.

[00:29:17] It's okay to say.

[00:29:17] Oh yeah.

[00:29:17] I had a good time with such and such.

[00:29:19] But that's not enough for you to run back.

[00:29:22] Yeah.

[00:29:22] Something that was.

[00:29:26] Exactly.

[00:29:26] Because most times.

[00:29:27] You might be sending that thing by them.

[00:29:29] But they ain't checking for you.

[00:29:30] So what.

[00:29:31] What's the point in going back to them when.

[00:29:33] You know they ain't checking for you.

[00:29:34] You know.

[00:29:34] You know a blip on their radar.

[00:29:36] They probably done blocked you on everything.

[00:29:38] So.

[00:29:39] Because I've said that too.

[00:29:40] About plenty of people.

[00:29:41] Like.

[00:29:41] Yeah.

[00:29:41] It was a good time.

[00:29:42] And you know.

[00:29:43] It's like.

[00:29:43] Hey.

[00:29:43] I still got love for you.

[00:29:45] But I'm not about to sit here and be like.

[00:29:47] Hey big head.

[00:29:48] Or no.

[00:29:48] But then you got other motherfuckers that do.

[00:29:50] Which.

[00:29:51] Why people want to go backwards.

[00:29:52] I don't know.

[00:29:55] It's familiar.

[00:29:55] It's easy.

[00:29:59] I get that it's familiar.

[00:30:01] And it's easy.

[00:30:02] But.

[00:30:02] You gotta remember.

[00:30:03] At the same time.

[00:30:04] You broke up for a reason.

[00:30:06] That.

[00:30:06] That.

[00:30:07] The universe didn't see fit for y'all to be together for a reason.

[00:30:10] And.

[00:30:11] Why people.

[00:30:12] And y'all realize that y'all fucking up your progress by going back.

[00:30:16] Okay.

[00:30:17] Let me.

[00:30:17] I'm gonna flip it back on you.

[00:30:19] I don't know if you see.

[00:30:20] There's a.

[00:30:22] TikTok circling around right now.

[00:30:24] From New Year's Eve.

[00:30:25] A girl showed up at the party that her boyfriend was at.

[00:30:29] I guess he thought that she was gonna have to work.

[00:30:31] And she didn't have to work.

[00:30:32] So she tried to surprise him.

[00:30:34] And he looks.

[00:30:36] Completely annoyed that she's there.

[00:30:38] He doesn't even want to touch her.

[00:30:40] So everybody in the comments are dragging this girl.

[00:30:43] Like he clearly doesn't love you.

[00:30:44] He doesn't want to be with you.

[00:30:46] And she re uploaded another video.

[00:30:49] From a different angle.

[00:30:50] I guess trying to prove like.

[00:30:52] No.

[00:30:52] He was happy to see me.

[00:30:53] The angle made me feel even worse.

[00:30:55] Because now you can hear the audio.

[00:30:57] Where he's like.

[00:30:58] You know.

[00:30:59] Like he just seems like.

[00:31:00] Oh.

[00:31:00] Why is she here?

[00:31:01] And so now they're saying.

[00:31:03] It's a trauma bond.

[00:31:04] Because this girl doesn't see.

[00:31:05] That he has no.

[00:31:08] Intentions to really be with her.

[00:31:09] She's just keeping around for whatever reason.

[00:31:12] What do you think about that?

[00:31:15] I think that girl don't love herself.

[00:31:18] Because if you love yourself.

[00:31:20] And you can see that somebody don't want you.

[00:31:22] And somebody doesn't value you.

[00:31:23] Why are you chasing this person?

[00:31:25] This person.

[00:31:26] This man is showing you.

[00:31:27] That you're not welcome.

[00:31:29] So.

[00:31:30] And plus.

[00:31:30] I don't know what city you're in.

[00:31:32] But I'm pretty sure there's plenty of other things to do on New Year's.

[00:31:34] If this person don't want to bring the New Year in.

[00:31:37] To hell with them.

[00:31:38] Go find someone else to be with them.

[00:31:39] You know?

[00:31:40] Yeah.

[00:31:41] Yeah.

[00:31:42] But it's a fear.

[00:31:44] That.

[00:31:45] Keeps people stuck.

[00:31:47] In some of the worst situations.

[00:31:48] Because that's what they believe.

[00:31:50] That they deserve.

[00:31:51] Or that's all.

[00:31:52] That.

[00:31:53] Is.

[00:31:56] For them.

[00:31:57] That's all they can see for them.

[00:31:58] For themselves.

[00:32:01] And you know.

[00:32:03] It's sad.

[00:32:03] It's sad that people think that way.

[00:32:05] Because.

[00:32:05] You know.

[00:32:06] When you love somebody.

[00:32:07] You want more for them.

[00:32:08] Than they want for themselves.

[00:32:09] And also.

[00:32:10] And then I've learned over the years.

[00:32:12] That just.

[00:32:12] I could tell somebody something.

[00:32:14] Give them advice.

[00:32:15] And best intentions.

[00:32:16] And then.

[00:32:17] They'll take a shot at me.

[00:32:18] I'm like.

[00:32:18] You know what?

[00:32:18] Okay.

[00:32:19] Okay.

[00:32:20] That's on you.

[00:32:20] You know.

[00:32:21] I'm going to listen.

[00:32:22] But.

[00:32:22] In the back of my mind.

[00:32:23] I'm like.

[00:32:23] That's on you.

[00:32:24] Because you clearly don't love yourself.

[00:32:27] Yeah.

[00:32:28] Yeah.

[00:32:28] Well.

[00:32:29] You know.

[00:32:29] I had said earlier.

[00:32:31] In this conversation.

[00:32:32] That I myself.

[00:32:33] Have also had trauma bonds.

[00:32:35] And when I was a teenager.

[00:32:37] I trauma bonded real hard.

[00:32:39] It was.

[00:32:41] The first relationship I ever had.

[00:32:44] The first boy that I thought.

[00:32:46] Ever.

[00:32:46] Even thought I was pretty.

[00:32:47] Because I was kind of rough around the edges.

[00:32:49] And the tomboy.

[00:32:50] And he listened.

[00:32:51] And so I thought that was more than enough to be loved.

[00:32:55] Of course we were young.

[00:32:56] And so.

[00:32:56] It started out really well.

[00:32:58] And then it got scary.

[00:33:00] It got physical.

[00:33:02] And I.

[00:33:03] Rather than running from him and saying.

[00:33:05] You know.

[00:33:05] Someone please help me.

[00:33:06] I was begging.

[00:33:07] Like.

[00:33:08] I'm sorry.

[00:33:09] I won't make you upset.

[00:33:10] Or can we just be cool today?

[00:33:12] Like.

[00:33:12] And that happened for a long time in high school.

[00:33:15] No one ever knew.

[00:33:17] Yeah.

[00:33:18] Uh.

[00:33:18] When I say.

[00:33:20] It's not intentional.

[00:33:21] It's true though.

[00:33:25] Yeah.

[00:33:25] I understand that.

[00:33:26] But in the back of my mind.

[00:33:27] Like.

[00:33:28] Where was your daddy?

[00:33:29] Like.

[00:33:29] Where was dad at?

[00:33:30] Was dad even around?

[00:33:32] Because.

[00:33:33] Because some of the men.

[00:33:34] I grew up around.

[00:33:35] If you dare put your hands on their daughter.

[00:33:36] They going to chill.

[00:33:37] So.

[00:33:39] Yeah.

[00:33:40] Yeah.

[00:33:40] I have.

[00:33:41] I have a few men in my life.

[00:33:42] But.

[00:33:43] I also hit a lot of things.

[00:33:45] Such as like.

[00:33:46] Wearing long sleeves.

[00:33:48] In June.

[00:33:49] You know.

[00:33:50] So.

[00:33:52] You can't always judge one book.

[00:33:54] By its cover.

[00:33:55] There's so many layers.

[00:33:57] To trauma.

[00:33:59] Yeah.

[00:34:00] It's like.

[00:34:00] I understand that.

[00:34:01] But.

[00:34:02] I'm thinking about some of the women.

[00:34:03] I've grown up with.

[00:34:04] And some of the.

[00:34:05] The men I've been around.

[00:34:06] It's like.

[00:34:06] You can hide things from them.

[00:34:08] But.

[00:34:08] It's just.

[00:34:09] There's no point in hiding.

[00:34:10] Because sometimes.

[00:34:10] They already know.

[00:34:11] Because.

[00:34:12] They could tell by your mannerisms.

[00:34:14] Or.

[00:34:15] They could tell when something ain't right with you.

[00:34:18] Yeah.

[00:34:19] Well.

[00:34:20] You know what?

[00:34:21] I.

[00:34:22] Wish that people paid more attention.

[00:34:24] Sometimes.

[00:34:25] Because.

[00:34:26] I am.

[00:34:27] A licensed therapist.

[00:34:29] And.

[00:34:29] Those things.

[00:34:30] Do come up.

[00:34:32] Where I have women who have been.

[00:34:34] Beaten pretty bad.

[00:34:35] And she'll say.

[00:34:36] Like.

[00:34:36] I told my family directly.

[00:34:38] That this man was hurting me.

[00:34:40] And they looked the other way.

[00:34:42] So as much as people.

[00:34:44] Should know.

[00:34:45] Or can tell.

[00:34:45] There are also many folks.

[00:34:46] Who will just turn their head.

[00:34:48] Or who don't want to talk about it.

[00:34:49] Or let's just keep it hush.

[00:34:51] You know.

[00:34:51] Let's keep it in the family.

[00:34:54] That's sad.

[00:34:56] Now.

[00:34:56] My other question is.

[00:34:57] Are some of these women.

[00:34:58] Taking self-defense classes.

[00:34:59] Like.

[00:35:00] Are they defending themselves?

[00:35:02] So there are many resources.

[00:35:04] And.

[00:35:05] And I want to clarify.

[00:35:06] Also that.

[00:35:07] Domestic violence.

[00:35:08] Is not just.

[00:35:09] A man.

[00:35:09] You know.

[00:35:10] Hitting a woman.

[00:35:11] It can be.

[00:35:12] Women hitting men.

[00:35:14] Women being abusive.

[00:35:15] Towards men.

[00:35:16] Or.

[00:35:16] You know.

[00:35:17] The many different.

[00:35:18] Plethoras.

[00:35:19] Of.

[00:35:21] Gender identifications.

[00:35:22] That we have now.

[00:35:23] But.

[00:35:25] There are many resources.

[00:35:27] Available in Connecticut.

[00:35:28] And I'm sure.

[00:35:29] In Florida as well.

[00:35:30] That helps to support people.

[00:35:32] Who are being abused.

[00:35:33] There are safe homes.

[00:35:35] Where they're unmarked.

[00:35:37] There are.

[00:35:38] Community resources.

[00:35:40] For women who need help.

[00:35:41] Getting.

[00:35:42] A new apartment.

[00:35:43] Or.

[00:35:44] You know.

[00:35:44] Just needing some kind of.

[00:35:47] Oh my god.

[00:35:48] What is the word?

[00:35:49] Like utility assistance.

[00:35:50] Because there's so many different levels.

[00:35:51] To what an abuser can look like.

[00:35:53] It's not just physical.

[00:35:54] He could be.

[00:35:55] Controlling your money.

[00:35:56] Or they can be.

[00:35:58] Stalking.

[00:35:59] What type of friends.

[00:35:59] That you have.

[00:36:00] But.

[00:36:01] Yeah.

[00:36:02] Maybe self-defense.

[00:36:03] Would be good.

[00:36:04] For the moment.

[00:36:05] Or does it encourage.

[00:36:06] More violence.

[00:36:07] When it's really just like.

[00:36:08] A mental thing.

[00:36:09] Why do I believe.

[00:36:10] That this is all.

[00:36:11] That I deserve.

[00:36:12] And so it's always.

[00:36:13] We go back to our mental health.

[00:36:15] And for the abuser.

[00:36:16] Why do you need to use.

[00:36:20] That type of language.

[00:36:22] That type of behavior.

[00:36:23] To express yourself.

[00:36:24] There are other ways.

[00:36:25] To communicate what you're feeling.

[00:36:29] Yes.

[00:36:30] There are other ways.

[00:36:31] To communicate what you're feeling.

[00:36:33] Instead of.

[00:36:34] Trying to beat the person up.

[00:36:36] You know.

[00:36:36] Like.

[00:36:37] You don't need to be.

[00:36:38] You're not that person's daddy.

[00:36:39] You're not that person's mother.

[00:36:41] And nowadays.

[00:36:43] It's sad that it is.

[00:36:44] But.

[00:36:45] You know.

[00:36:46] It's crazy.

[00:36:47] What it is.

[00:36:48] But.

[00:36:48] But when you see it.

[00:36:49] I know you see it all the time.

[00:36:51] You wish you could step up.

[00:36:52] But then.

[00:36:52] I realize.

[00:36:54] The only time.

[00:36:55] It's on them.

[00:36:56] It's really up to them.

[00:36:57] Within that.

[00:36:57] They want to change or not.

[00:36:59] Yeah.

[00:37:01] Yeah.

[00:37:03] Some people.

[00:37:03] Because at the end of the day.

[00:37:05] Change too.

[00:37:06] But they.

[00:37:08] Don't find.

[00:37:09] The strength.

[00:37:10] To be like.

[00:37:10] Okay.

[00:37:11] I'm really going to do this.

[00:37:16] That's really sad.

[00:37:18] Like.

[00:37:18] I.

[00:37:19] I really want better.

[00:37:20] For people out there.

[00:37:20] To realize.

[00:37:21] That they.

[00:37:22] They have strength.

[00:37:23] To go ahead and do this.

[00:37:24] And.

[00:37:25] And.

[00:37:25] Because I remember.

[00:37:26] Back in the day.

[00:37:26] When Mari had.

[00:37:27] People that were being abused.

[00:37:29] Come on their show.

[00:37:30] And stuff.

[00:37:31] And I'm just like.

[00:37:31] Are you serious Mari?

[00:37:34] But.

[00:37:34] Yeah.

[00:37:34] And I'm looking at some of these people.

[00:37:36] Like.

[00:37:36] Like.

[00:37:36] But I love him.

[00:37:37] But he's this.

[00:37:38] But he's that.

[00:37:39] Why the hell do people.

[00:37:41] Always want to see the good.

[00:37:42] In somebody that's abusing them.

[00:37:43] From your.

[00:37:44] Or your standpoint.

[00:37:46] Because.

[00:37:48] Sometimes.

[00:37:51] We'd rather much.

[00:37:53] This is what I'm hearing.

[00:37:54] This is what I would hear.

[00:37:55] In a session.

[00:37:56] I would much rather sleep alone.

[00:37:59] I would much rather sleep.

[00:38:01] Beside someone.

[00:38:03] Who makes me.

[00:38:04] Feel something.

[00:38:06] Than be alone.

[00:38:09] It's just something about.

[00:38:11] A void that is filled.

[00:38:13] But they're not realizing.

[00:38:15] That.

[00:38:15] That current relationship.

[00:38:17] Often mimics.

[00:38:18] What they've seen.

[00:38:19] In previous trauma.

[00:38:21] Because that's what makes it.

[00:38:22] A trauma bond.

[00:38:23] So you'll also hear them say.

[00:38:25] Yeah.

[00:38:25] My dad and my mom.

[00:38:26] Used to fight a lot.

[00:38:27] Or.

[00:38:27] My.

[00:38:30] Mom.

[00:38:31] Or my dad was an alcoholic.

[00:38:32] Or my.

[00:38:33] My parent was addicted.

[00:38:34] To a drug.

[00:38:37] And initially.

[00:38:38] When you meet this person.

[00:38:39] You don't see it.

[00:38:40] Right.

[00:38:40] We don't walk around.

[00:38:41] With all of our hurt.

[00:38:42] On our face.

[00:38:47] Yeah.

[00:38:48] We don't.

[00:38:48] It definitely takes time.

[00:38:50] Because I'm pretty sure.

[00:38:51] As a therapist.

[00:38:52] In your first session.

[00:38:53] You can't tell.

[00:38:54] Based on.

[00:38:55] When you first meet somebody.

[00:38:56] That.

[00:38:57] Okay.

[00:38:57] This person needs help.

[00:38:58] You can't tell.

[00:38:59] Rip.

[00:39:00] But you tell by.

[00:39:01] Like the third or fourth session.

[00:39:03] Or.

[00:39:03] You know.

[00:39:05] I.

[00:39:08] I always share this one client.

[00:39:10] Because.

[00:39:11] I get that question often.

[00:39:12] I had a young lady.

[00:39:14] Who.

[00:39:16] We worked together for six months.

[00:39:17] And she didn't say anything to me.

[00:39:20] And she was mandated to me.

[00:39:22] So it wasn't like.

[00:39:23] I.

[00:39:23] She was not talking.

[00:39:24] So we're not going to do anything.

[00:39:26] She would not talk.

[00:39:28] She would.

[00:39:28] You know.

[00:39:29] Maybe head nod.

[00:39:30] Or I would get a yes.

[00:39:30] Or a no.

[00:39:31] Just very little.

[00:39:32] But like.

[00:39:32] She would not tell me anything.

[00:39:34] I only knew.

[00:39:35] What was going on.

[00:39:36] Because of.

[00:39:36] The paperwork that.

[00:39:37] Was brought in.

[00:39:39] So we would sit.

[00:39:40] We would draw.

[00:39:41] I would bring snacks.

[00:39:42] I would play music.

[00:39:43] Sometimes I would just.

[00:39:44] Sit on my computer.

[00:39:46] And it wasn't until the six months.

[00:39:48] Before.

[00:39:50] She told me.

[00:39:52] Why she had.

[00:39:53] Attempted suicide.

[00:39:57] You know.

[00:39:58] So it's just.

[00:40:00] It's an interesting.

[00:40:01] Space.

[00:40:02] And an interesting role.

[00:40:03] To be in.

[00:40:04] And I think it's really.

[00:40:06] Again.

[00:40:06] It's humbled me.

[00:40:07] And it's calmed me down.

[00:40:08] In many ways.

[00:40:10] Maybe too much empathy.

[00:40:11] Sometimes.

[00:40:12] Because I can be too.

[00:40:13] Understanding of people.

[00:40:14] And why they do certain things.

[00:40:16] Um.

[00:40:19] But if we knew more.

[00:40:21] It's like.

[00:40:21] We judged.

[00:40:22] Yeah.

[00:40:25] It's like.

[00:40:26] I understand.

[00:40:27] Um.

[00:40:27] Being understanding.

[00:40:28] And having empathy.

[00:40:29] But then sometimes.

[00:40:31] The.

[00:40:31] The harsh side of me.

[00:40:32] Is like.

[00:40:33] The side of me.

[00:40:34] That's like.

[00:40:34] You deserve better.

[00:40:36] Now here I come with.

[00:40:37] The self love.

[00:40:37] To hold you accountable.

[00:40:38] Like.

[00:40:39] You ever think.

[00:40:40] Okay.

[00:40:40] There's some cases where.

[00:40:42] These people need to be held accountable.

[00:40:43] For their role.

[00:40:45] In letting this shit happen.

[00:40:48] Yeah.

[00:40:50] Yeah.

[00:40:51] You do.

[00:40:51] You do.

[00:40:53] It gets to a point.

[00:40:54] Which I call.

[00:40:55] A breakthrough.

[00:40:56] Right.

[00:40:56] There's a breakthrough.

[00:40:57] There's an awareness.

[00:40:59] Like.

[00:40:59] Oh.

[00:41:00] Yeah.

[00:41:02] They did.

[00:41:03] Da da da da da.

[00:41:04] But.

[00:41:04] I also saw.

[00:41:06] X, Y, Z.

[00:41:07] And I made it become.

[00:41:09] One, two, three.

[00:41:09] So yeah.

[00:41:10] It does happen.

[00:41:10] And I think those are the best moments.

[00:41:12] Because once you recognize it.

[00:41:14] Then we can start building on something different.

[00:41:16] You know.

[00:41:17] So that.

[00:41:17] We don't keep experiencing the same.

[00:41:20] Things.

[00:41:21] So we're not choosing the same.

[00:41:23] Suffering over.

[00:41:27] And that's what people need to do.

[00:41:28] Because I guess every time.

[00:41:29] We need that.

[00:41:30] We need that.

[00:41:31] Come.

[00:41:31] Come.

[00:41:31] Come to the light moment.

[00:41:33] Because hey.

[00:41:34] We realize.

[00:41:34] Hey.

[00:41:35] We're playing a role in our own suffering.

[00:41:37] And we got to change these things.

[00:41:38] Because.

[00:41:39] Because even as a man.

[00:41:40] We take abuse as well.

[00:41:41] But it's just.

[00:41:42] It's up to us.

[00:41:43] Put our foot down.

[00:41:44] And.

[00:41:45] And how you react.

[00:41:46] And how that person react.

[00:41:47] Is how they feel about you.

[00:41:49] Because if they don't respect it.

[00:41:50] Then that's the time to move on.

[00:41:51] But nowadays.

[00:41:53] People.

[00:41:53] Some people.

[00:41:53] Some people know how to move on.

[00:41:55] But then some people.

[00:41:56] They just want to.

[00:41:57] You know.

[00:41:58] Stay.

[00:41:58] Stay in that particular space.

[00:42:00] Because you're comfortable.

[00:42:01] Or.

[00:42:02] They just don't want to be alone.

[00:42:03] But in that case.

[00:42:04] I'm like.

[00:42:05] Forget being alone.

[00:42:06] I'm like.

[00:42:06] All these single people out here.

[00:42:08] And you want to stay with this person.

[00:42:09] That's beating on you.

[00:42:11] That's.

[00:42:11] That's physically beating on you.

[00:42:13] And mentally beating on you.

[00:42:14] I'm like.

[00:42:14] You really need some help.

[00:42:16] Yeah.

[00:42:17] Yeah.

[00:42:18] Yeah.

[00:42:19] A lot of it is our fears.

[00:42:21] I.

[00:42:22] Recently was watching.

[00:42:24] A reel.

[00:42:25] Where the man breaks down.

[00:42:27] How.

[00:42:28] Fear drives you into the most.

[00:42:31] Outrageous.

[00:42:32] Ridiculous.

[00:42:32] And dangerous behaviors.

[00:42:35] And if we were able to take a second.

[00:42:37] To stop.

[00:42:38] Think.

[00:42:38] And rationalize what's happening.

[00:42:40] We could see that there's another way out.

[00:42:43] But.

[00:42:44] It's the same phenomenon.

[00:42:46] As like.

[00:42:48] Masturbating.

[00:42:48] And manifestation.

[00:42:50] In that.

[00:42:52] Second.

[00:42:53] There's no judgment.

[00:42:54] Right?

[00:42:55] So.

[00:42:56] Your.

[00:42:56] Your mind is very clouded.

[00:42:58] Only running off of feelings.

[00:43:01] And a lot of the times.

[00:43:02] The.

[00:43:02] The trauma bond.

[00:43:04] Feels familiar to something.

[00:43:05] That you've experienced before.

[00:43:07] I get clients.

[00:43:08] Who don't even remember.

[00:43:10] They can't.

[00:43:11] They can't tell me the story.

[00:43:13] About what happened.

[00:43:14] But they.

[00:43:15] Can feel it.

[00:43:17] Or.

[00:43:17] You know.

[00:43:18] They can smell it.

[00:43:19] Something.

[00:43:20] Somebody walks by.

[00:43:21] And it's a scent.

[00:43:21] And it reminds them of.

[00:43:23] Something that happened 25 years ago.

[00:43:25] It's.

[00:43:25] It's just the brain.

[00:43:26] I think it's really cool.

[00:43:29] Um.

[00:43:31] That.

[00:43:31] That.

[00:43:32] That's cool.

[00:43:32] And then that's like.

[00:43:33] Wow.

[00:43:34] Like.

[00:43:34] I don't.

[00:43:35] I don't even know how you would.

[00:43:37] You know.

[00:43:38] I know what the smell it is.

[00:43:39] But you gotta find a way to tune your brain.

[00:43:41] To ignore that smell.

[00:43:42] Be like.

[00:43:43] Look.

[00:43:44] Unless it's.

[00:43:44] Yeah.

[00:43:44] I don't care if it's overpowering.

[00:43:46] But.

[00:43:46] You gotta.

[00:43:47] Because that means.

[00:43:48] That that person that did that.

[00:43:50] So you still.

[00:43:51] Lives.

[00:43:51] Rent free in your head.

[00:43:53] Somewhere.

[00:43:53] In your mental capacity.

[00:43:54] They still live.

[00:43:55] Like rent free in your head.

[00:43:56] If that.

[00:43:57] If a certain smell.

[00:43:58] Can.

[00:43:59] Trigger you.

[00:44:02] Well.

[00:44:03] What's something you feel like.

[00:44:04] You had to like.

[00:44:05] Really overcome.

[00:44:06] It doesn't have to be.

[00:44:08] In relationships.

[00:44:09] It was something.

[00:44:09] In your own life.

[00:44:10] You feel like you've had to really.

[00:44:11] Work through.

[00:44:12] Oh yeah.

[00:44:13] I'm flipping it on you.

[00:44:15] Um.

[00:44:18] Not you over here flipping it on me.

[00:44:19] Okay.

[00:44:20] Um.

[00:44:21] I would say overcome.

[00:44:22] Overcome being shy.

[00:44:24] Because it's like.

[00:44:25] Never in a million years.

[00:44:26] Like having this podcast.

[00:44:27] I would think of that.

[00:44:29] Hey.

[00:44:29] I'm about to you know.

[00:44:30] About to talk to people.

[00:44:31] In different states and stuff.

[00:44:33] And.

[00:44:34] Just be out there.

[00:44:36] Hey.

[00:44:36] Come on the show.

[00:44:37] I never thought that.

[00:44:38] In a million years.

[00:44:39] But.

[00:44:40] I really had to work at it.

[00:44:41] But.

[00:44:41] It's like.

[00:44:42] Even now.

[00:44:43] It's like.

[00:44:43] Sometimes it may trigger.

[00:44:45] It may trigger.

[00:44:46] If like.

[00:44:47] If I'm in a room with people.

[00:44:48] I've never met before.

[00:44:50] Maybe it triggers.

[00:44:51] But.

[00:44:51] It calms down.

[00:44:52] If one person.

[00:44:53] One or two people.

[00:44:54] Like make me feel welcome.

[00:44:55] And stuff.

[00:44:55] Yeah.

[00:44:55] I'm like.

[00:44:56] Okay.

[00:44:56] Cool.

[00:44:56] I'm good.

[00:44:57] But.

[00:44:58] Sometimes it triggers.

[00:44:59] Like become a shy.

[00:45:00] And also.

[00:45:01] Also.

[00:45:02] I've.

[00:45:02] I've learned to overcome.

[00:45:03] Just.

[00:45:04] You know.

[00:45:04] Dealing with the bullshit.

[00:45:05] I've gotten from people in relationships.

[00:45:06] I had to tell myself.

[00:45:07] Hey.

[00:45:08] Did not make people pay for.

[00:45:10] Something they didn't do.

[00:45:11] Even though.

[00:45:12] Sometimes I'm like.

[00:45:13] I'm just chilling in my singleness.

[00:45:15] Because it's just.

[00:45:16] Sometimes it feels like.

[00:45:18] Nobody has that right mindset.

[00:45:20] That I want.

[00:45:20] Or people just.

[00:45:22] They're stupid idiots.

[00:45:23] You know.

[00:45:23] You know.

[00:45:23] But I would say.

[00:45:24] Yeah.

[00:45:25] Overcoming.

[00:45:25] Being shy.

[00:45:26] And get out.

[00:45:27] Really getting out of my shell.

[00:45:28] That's something.

[00:45:29] I had to really work to overcome.

[00:45:30] And.

[00:45:30] That's something.

[00:45:31] I saw a therapist for too.

[00:45:33] By the way.

[00:45:34] I love that.

[00:45:35] Yo.

[00:45:36] People don't realize.

[00:45:37] It is hard to like.

[00:45:38] Put yourself out there.

[00:45:40] Or to.

[00:45:42] Admit that you might be shy.

[00:45:44] I am super.

[00:45:45] Super shy.

[00:45:46] Very shy.

[00:45:47] I used to.

[00:45:48] This black cloud around my head.

[00:45:51] Yeah.

[00:45:53] But I've also learned.

[00:45:54] How to kind of mask.

[00:45:56] What I'm feeling inside.

[00:45:57] Which is.

[00:45:58] A trauma response.

[00:46:00] So.

[00:46:00] I tell people all the time.

[00:46:01] Yo.

[00:46:01] I'm scared.

[00:46:02] As hell.

[00:46:03] I gotta fart.

[00:46:03] And people laugh.

[00:46:04] And I'm like.

[00:46:04] Yo.

[00:46:09] I can't lie.

[00:46:10] Sometimes.

[00:46:11] I know.

[00:46:12] Sometimes.

[00:46:13] This is.

[00:46:13] This used to be my go-to trauma response.

[00:46:15] I'd be like.

[00:46:15] Hey.

[00:46:16] Let me just take a shot of alcohol.

[00:46:17] And I'll be okay.

[00:46:18] I know.

[00:46:19] I know.

[00:46:19] That's not.

[00:46:20] That's not where I got the idea for Lickertalk from.

[00:46:22] Ladies and gentlemen.

[00:46:23] By the way.

[00:46:23] That's.

[00:46:24] That's not where I got the idea from.

[00:46:25] But sometimes.

[00:46:26] I'd be like.

[00:46:27] Let me just take a shot.

[00:46:28] And I'll be okay.

[00:46:29] But.

[00:46:30] But nowadays.

[00:46:30] I'm just like.

[00:46:31] Man.

[00:46:31] It's just.

[00:46:32] It became a mental thing.

[00:46:33] Be like.

[00:46:34] Hey.

[00:46:35] I'm just like.

[00:46:35] Hey.

[00:46:36] Whatever happens.

[00:46:36] This happens.

[00:46:37] Let's do this.

[00:46:38] You know.

[00:46:38] Unless.

[00:46:39] Right.

[00:46:39] It's something really serious.

[00:46:40] But I'm.

[00:46:41] Even then.

[00:46:41] I'm like.

[00:46:42] Yo.

[00:46:42] Let's.

[00:46:42] Let's just do this.

[00:46:43] You know.

[00:46:45] Yeah.

[00:46:45] Yeah.

[00:46:47] Yeah.

[00:46:48] I enjoy it.

[00:46:50] I do.

[00:46:50] But it is.

[00:46:51] It's.

[00:46:51] For anyone that's listening.

[00:46:53] It is not easy to put yourself out here.

[00:46:56] And to share your thoughts with people.

[00:46:58] It really is.

[00:46:59] Or yourself.

[00:47:01] And then.

[00:47:01] To watch people like it.

[00:47:03] Or make a comment.

[00:47:04] You're like.

[00:47:04] Oh God.

[00:47:05] You know.

[00:47:06] But.

[00:47:07] You keep doing it.

[00:47:08] And also.

[00:47:09] What.

[00:47:10] And also.

[00:47:10] I want to say.

[00:47:11] Shout out to all the beautiful black women out there.

[00:47:13] That give us that safe space.

[00:47:15] To talk to them.

[00:47:16] Because a lot of women.

[00:47:17] What I went through in college.

[00:47:19] It was a lot of men were.

[00:47:20] Just so dismissive.

[00:47:21] Of what a man goes through.

[00:47:23] They're like.

[00:47:23] Oh.

[00:47:24] That ain't shit.

[00:47:24] Or that ain't this.

[00:47:25] That ain't that.

[00:47:26] Sometimes you'll have that.

[00:47:27] But one woman.

[00:47:28] That will pour into you.

[00:47:29] That'll be like.

[00:47:30] Hey.

[00:47:30] King.

[00:47:30] You're all this.

[00:47:31] You're all that.

[00:47:31] And sometimes.

[00:47:32] We need to hear those words of affirmation.

[00:47:34] We all need to hear y'all.

[00:47:35] Trying to tear us down.

[00:47:37] Because the nigga you chose.

[00:47:38] Did you wrong.

[00:47:40] So.

[00:47:40] And now you want to tear all men down.

[00:47:42] Because.

[00:47:42] Lord knows.

[00:47:43] I can be like these red pill men out here.

[00:47:45] On the podcast and stuff.

[00:47:47] But.

[00:47:47] I choose not to.

[00:47:48] You know.

[00:47:50] Yeah.

[00:47:51] No.

[00:47:51] I.

[00:47:51] I.

[00:47:52] I agree.

[00:47:52] I just had this conversation with someone.

[00:47:54] I was like.

[00:47:55] Women do want good men.

[00:47:57] You got.

[00:47:58] We're still there.

[00:47:59] Like.

[00:47:59] Not every woman wants a man.

[00:48:01] Who's going to drop a bag on them.

[00:48:03] Like we.

[00:48:03] It is.

[00:48:04] It's nice to be right.

[00:48:06] Taking care of.

[00:48:07] Or.

[00:48:08] Given a gift.

[00:48:09] But.

[00:48:09] Not all the women out here.

[00:48:10] Is gold diggers.

[00:48:11] And homes.

[00:48:12] Or just.

[00:48:13] Some women really do want a good.

[00:48:15] Just a good.

[00:48:16] Nice guy.

[00:48:17] Someone to build with.

[00:48:21] Yeah.

[00:48:22] But.

[00:48:23] The thing is.

[00:48:23] They say they want that.

[00:48:24] Until one shows up.

[00:48:26] But you know.

[00:48:27] But it's like.

[00:48:28] Even.

[00:48:28] And even then.

[00:48:29] It's like.

[00:48:29] You tell yourself these things.

[00:48:31] But then you got to go out.

[00:48:32] And show that you want it.

[00:48:33] And also you deserve it.

[00:48:34] Because guess what?

[00:48:35] Hey.

[00:48:36] People get bored nowadays.

[00:48:39] And I don't know what it is.

[00:48:40] About people in relationships.

[00:48:42] But.

[00:48:43] As soon as you're taken.

[00:48:44] That's when you get all the attention.

[00:48:46] I'm like.

[00:48:47] This don't make no damn sense.

[00:48:49] Yeah.

[00:48:50] Yeah.

[00:48:51] But if you're bored.

[00:48:52] Go get a hobby.

[00:48:53] Not a new person.

[00:48:54] That's stupid.

[00:48:58] Yeah.

[00:48:59] But.

[00:48:59] Believe it or not.

[00:49:00] People think like that.

[00:49:01] Which.

[00:49:01] I know you see that all the time.

[00:49:03] So.

[00:49:04] I don't know.

[00:49:05] What these people.

[00:49:07] Yeah.

[00:49:08] Yeah.

[00:49:08] Yeah.

[00:49:09] Yeah.

[00:49:09] Being from your therapist standpoint.

[00:49:12] What's something you want to see out of people.

[00:49:14] Because 2025 just started.

[00:49:17] So.

[00:49:17] Well.

[00:49:18] They say it just started.

[00:49:19] But from what I've heard.

[00:49:20] The real new year is like in the spring.

[00:49:22] Or something like that.

[00:49:23] Until I can really confirm that.

[00:49:26] We're just going to go with this.

[00:49:27] The start of new year.

[00:49:28] What's something you think.

[00:49:29] From a therapist standpoint.

[00:49:31] You want to see people do.

[00:49:33] That just.

[00:49:33] You know.

[00:49:34] For the new year.

[00:49:37] Go to therapy.

[00:49:39] You'd be surprised.

[00:49:41] There are so many people.

[00:49:42] Within the black communities.

[00:49:44] Who.

[00:49:45] Have never been.

[00:49:46] To see a therapist.

[00:49:47] Is.

[00:49:49] And I think.

[00:49:50] It's.

[00:49:51] It's necessary.

[00:49:52] We.

[00:49:53] In this generation.

[00:49:54] Have had enough.

[00:49:56] Stuff.

[00:49:56] That we've gone through.

[00:49:57] Where you got to talk to somebody.

[00:49:59] About it.

[00:50:00] You know.

[00:50:01] There's.

[00:50:02] Yeah.

[00:50:03] There has to be change.

[00:50:08] You're right.

[00:50:08] There has to be change.

[00:50:10] And also.

[00:50:11] I definitely agree.

[00:50:12] Because.

[00:50:13] As much as overcoming.

[00:50:14] I've ever done.

[00:50:15] And sometimes.

[00:50:15] I feel myself.

[00:50:16] I might need to go back into therapy.

[00:50:17] Instead of.

[00:50:18] Bending to.

[00:50:19] As I don't get me wrong.

[00:50:20] I don't mind.

[00:50:21] Talking to my friends.

[00:50:22] And.

[00:50:22] My homies and stuff.

[00:50:23] They know what's something.

[00:50:24] When ain't something right.

[00:50:25] But you know.

[00:50:26] I just rather.

[00:50:27] Sometimes.

[00:50:27] Maybe we might need to hear it.

[00:50:28] From.

[00:50:28] A perspective of somebody.

[00:50:30] Who don't even really know me like that.

[00:50:31] So.

[00:50:33] Maybe I will.

[00:50:34] I would like to say.

[00:50:34] Tap back into therapy.

[00:50:35] Because.

[00:50:36] Hey.

[00:50:36] Of course.

[00:50:37] I say this with therapists sitting right here.

[00:50:39] Of course.

[00:50:42] Yeah.

[00:50:42] You know.

[00:50:42] I have my own therapy as well.

[00:50:43] You know.

[00:50:43] And I thought about it.

[00:50:49] Oh.

[00:50:49] That's right.

[00:50:50] Therapists need therapists as well.

[00:50:51] Because I guess.

[00:50:52] When you pour into others.

[00:50:53] You need somebody to pour back into you.

[00:50:55] Right?

[00:50:56] Absolutely.

[00:50:57] Absolutely.

[00:50:57] And it helped me make sense of.

[00:51:00] My life too.

[00:51:01] So I don't get too.

[00:51:03] Stuck in kind of like.

[00:51:04] What's going on in my work.

[00:51:09] Yeah.

[00:51:10] I feel that as well.

[00:51:11] So.

[00:51:12] I'm definitely going to go back into therapy.

[00:51:14] Some of the things.

[00:51:14] Because you know.

[00:51:15] You get wrapped up in.

[00:51:16] The podcast.

[00:51:17] You wrap up into your jobs.

[00:51:18] And stuff.

[00:51:19] And then you get wrapped up into.

[00:51:20] Fitting in with new people.

[00:51:22] Which they realize.

[00:51:23] That sometimes.

[00:51:24] They realize they ain't shit.

[00:51:25] You know.

[00:51:26] So.

[00:51:27] Yeah.

[00:51:27] I definitely feel you.

[00:51:28] And.

[00:51:29] Now.

[00:51:30] What do you say to the people.

[00:51:31] Who always.

[00:51:32] Start out with the new year.

[00:51:34] Um.

[00:51:34] With that list.

[00:51:35] That long ass list.

[00:51:36] Of things they want to do in the new year.

[00:51:38] And stuff.

[00:51:38] Like.

[00:51:38] I saw one of your videos.

[00:51:39] And I'm like.

[00:51:40] Ooh.

[00:51:40] That's not what you're talking about.

[00:51:43] I want them to stop it.

[00:51:45] Just stop.

[00:51:47] Um.

[00:51:48] I actually just put up a post.

[00:51:50] Where I was encouraging people to.

[00:51:53] Don't get a new planner.

[00:51:54] I don't want to hear about your resolutions.

[00:51:57] Your 75 hard.

[00:51:58] I don't want you to do any of that.

[00:51:59] I want you to just sit with yourself.

[00:52:02] And be honest.

[00:52:03] About.

[00:52:04] What didn't work for you in 2024.

[00:52:07] I don't care if you.

[00:52:09] Put down three things.

[00:52:10] That did not work for you.

[00:52:12] I.

[00:52:14] Use alcohol.

[00:52:16] To kind of cope with my stress.

[00:52:18] You know.

[00:52:18] Or.

[00:52:19] I overspend.

[00:52:20] My money.

[00:52:21] Whatever those things were.

[00:52:22] Write them down.

[00:52:23] And then.

[00:52:24] Work towards.

[00:52:26] Being better.

[00:52:28] That's it.

[00:52:29] Because.

[00:52:30] The fitness stuff.

[00:52:32] And.

[00:52:32] All that stuff is great.

[00:52:34] But.

[00:52:35] There's a psychological reason.

[00:52:37] Behind.

[00:52:37] Behind.

[00:52:37] Our habits.

[00:52:38] And our behaviors.

[00:52:40] And so.

[00:52:41] If you keep coming back to the same resolutions.

[00:52:43] And you haven't been able to change them.

[00:52:46] You got to come to yourself.

[00:52:48] And acknowledge.

[00:52:49] Where.

[00:52:50] There's no growth.

[00:52:51] Where there's no awareness.

[00:52:58] That's real.

[00:52:59] That's definitely real.

[00:53:01] Because.

[00:53:01] Sometimes.

[00:53:01] People have.

[00:53:02] All these things.

[00:53:03] They want to do.

[00:53:04] But then.

[00:53:04] Six months in.

[00:53:05] They're like.

[00:53:06] How much did they actually achieve?

[00:53:08] And you realize.

[00:53:09] They didn't really achieve nothing.

[00:53:11] Me included.

[00:53:12] There's so many things.

[00:53:13] I put on my vision board.

[00:53:15] You know.

[00:53:16] And maybe.

[00:53:17] I took little steps towards it.

[00:53:18] But.

[00:53:19] I didn't achieve it.

[00:53:20] And so.

[00:53:21] Instead of doing that.

[00:53:21] I had to really be like.

[00:53:22] Okay.

[00:53:23] What are some things.

[00:53:24] That you really want to work on?

[00:53:26] I have to stop overthinking.

[00:53:29] Everything that I do.

[00:53:31] So this year.

[00:53:31] I'm intentional.

[00:53:33] About.

[00:53:33] Going after the things.

[00:53:35] Or the thoughts.

[00:53:35] That come up the first time.

[00:53:36] It's okay.

[00:53:37] If I make a mistake.

[00:53:38] I don't need to be perfect.

[00:53:40] The only thing.

[00:53:41] That's perfect.

[00:53:44] For real.

[00:53:46] And also.

[00:53:47] And also.

[00:53:47] And I realize.

[00:53:48] For myself.

[00:53:49] I realize.

[00:53:49] I got to set boundaries.

[00:53:50] Like.

[00:53:50] If somebody.

[00:53:52] Somebody mess up the boundary.

[00:53:53] You know.

[00:53:54] What.

[00:53:55] I'd rather just.

[00:53:56] Take myself out of situations.

[00:53:58] I will exit stage.

[00:53:59] Right.

[00:53:59] Rather than cussing you out.

[00:54:01] Because.

[00:54:01] I realize sometimes.

[00:54:03] Going off on people.

[00:54:04] Ain't really worth it.

[00:54:05] You know.

[00:54:05] At the end of the room.

[00:54:06] Because.

[00:54:06] You just get hot for no reason.

[00:54:08] And then you got some people.

[00:54:09] That.

[00:54:09] You might snap on them.

[00:54:10] And they'll just laugh in your face.

[00:54:12] Like.

[00:54:12] So I realize.

[00:54:14] I realize that.

[00:54:14] I can snap.

[00:54:15] And.

[00:54:15] And you know what.

[00:54:16] And people.

[00:54:17] They might not get it.

[00:54:18] They might understand.

[00:54:18] Not understand.

[00:54:19] Why they're snapping.

[00:54:20] And also.

[00:54:21] It's like that.

[00:54:21] With friendships.

[00:54:22] Even with people.

[00:54:23] I want to talk to.

[00:54:24] Like.

[00:54:24] You know.

[00:54:25] I realize.

[00:54:25] It's like.

[00:54:26] Ask myself.

[00:54:26] Is it really worth it.

[00:54:27] To go off on you.

[00:54:28] For being a stupid idiot.

[00:54:30] Or.

[00:54:31] Because.

[00:54:36] Listen.

[00:54:36] I've graduated from snapping.

[00:54:38] Because it's like.

[00:54:38] Sometimes.

[00:54:39] I ask myself.

[00:54:39] Is it really worth it.

[00:54:40] I haven't met that person.

[00:54:42] That I'm like.

[00:54:42] I'm going to fight for this.

[00:54:44] So of course.

[00:54:44] I'm going to go off on you.

[00:54:45] Because.

[00:54:45] People don't realize something.

[00:54:47] When you snap on somebody.

[00:54:48] It's because you.

[00:54:49] There's something.

[00:54:50] You don't want to fight.

[00:54:51] And want it to work out.

[00:54:52] But when I'm calm and chill.

[00:54:54] I'm plotting my exit.

[00:54:55] People don't realize that.

[00:54:58] Yeah.

[00:54:59] Yeah.

[00:54:59] What's your sign?

[00:55:03] My birthday just passed.

[00:55:04] I'm a sage.

[00:55:06] Okay.

[00:55:06] Okay.

[00:55:07] Okay.

[00:55:08] I'm a cancer.

[00:55:09] My birthday is in July.

[00:55:12] That's what's up.

[00:55:13] That's what's up.

[00:55:14] I had plenty of cancers.

[00:55:15] Break my heart.

[00:55:16] Back in the day.

[00:55:17] But hey.

[00:55:18] That ain't going to stop me.

[00:55:18] From going out with another one.

[00:55:20] If.

[00:55:20] If.

[00:55:21] If the right one show up.

[00:55:22] It ain't going to stop me.

[00:55:23] From going out with no cancer.

[00:55:24] Even though.

[00:55:25] A couple of them broke my heart.

[00:55:26] But it is what it is.

[00:55:29] See.

[00:55:29] They're just stupid idiots.

[00:55:31] My dad is a Sagittarius.

[00:55:34] See.

[00:55:34] Look at that.

[00:55:36] Oh really.

[00:55:37] Hey.

[00:55:38] That's what's up.

[00:55:39] You got a good relationship with that?

[00:55:41] I do.

[00:55:42] Me and dad are cool.

[00:55:43] Apparently.

[00:55:44] I look just like him.

[00:55:46] So.

[00:55:46] That's.

[00:55:47] I love it.

[00:55:48] But yeah.

[00:55:48] Yeah.

[00:55:48] You know what I am about.

[00:55:50] My father.

[00:55:51] Maybe these are Sagittarius men.

[00:55:53] But he is.

[00:55:55] He's got a good.

[00:55:57] Knack for thinking outside the box.

[00:55:59] Like we can really get into some conversation about anything.

[00:56:03] He's always teaching me something.

[00:56:05] He never sits still.

[00:56:06] Which I love.

[00:56:07] Like he's just.

[00:56:09] Here and there.

[00:56:10] Very like.

[00:56:11] A seeker of knowledge type of person.

[00:56:15] Yeah.

[00:56:15] Yeah.

[00:56:16] Honestly.

[00:56:17] That's.

[00:56:17] That's true.

[00:56:18] Because.

[00:56:18] Even sitting here on the podcast.

[00:56:19] I've learned some things as well.

[00:56:20] Like.

[00:56:21] That's why.

[00:56:22] That's why I expanded to the point where.

[00:56:23] I'm talking to people in different states.

[00:56:25] And in different countries.

[00:56:26] Because.

[00:56:27] You learn something from everybody.

[00:56:28] And also.

[00:56:29] Even in.

[00:56:30] Even in conversations you don't think are good conversations.

[00:56:33] Because we've had those.

[00:56:34] Being a podcast.

[00:56:35] So.

[00:56:36] You've had those conversations.

[00:56:37] You're like.

[00:56:38] Man.

[00:56:38] This conversation was trash.

[00:56:39] But I'm going to put it out anyway.

[00:56:41] Hey.

[00:56:41] Because hey.

[00:56:42] It's quality content.

[00:56:43] So.

[00:56:43] You don't want to waste content.

[00:56:45] So.

[00:56:46] But yeah.

[00:56:47] It's like.

[00:56:47] And also as a Sag.

[00:56:49] Is what you learn as well.

[00:56:50] So.

[00:56:50] And also.

[00:56:51] I don't know what time my dad was.

[00:56:53] So.

[00:56:54] You know.

[00:56:54] Because my.

[00:56:55] I had one of those dads.

[00:56:56] That they just couldn't keep in his pants back in the day.

[00:56:59] So.

[00:56:59] Mama.

[00:57:00] I forgive you.

[00:57:01] And I'm going to celebrate your birthday this month.

[00:57:03] So.

[00:57:04] You know.

[00:57:04] Because.

[00:57:05] Believe it or not.

[00:57:05] My mom married.

[00:57:06] My mama married much worse for men.

[00:57:08] You know.

[00:57:09] Than my dad.

[00:57:09] So.

[00:57:10] I forgive her.

[00:57:11] I tell the time that.

[00:57:12] I forgive you mom.

[00:57:14] For that.

[00:57:14] So.

[00:57:15] It is what it is.

[00:57:16] I love that.

[00:57:16] I love that you can forgive your mom for that.

[00:57:19] You know.

[00:57:21] Yeah.

[00:57:21] It's like.

[00:57:22] You.

[00:57:23] You got to learn to forgive your parents.

[00:57:25] Because.

[00:57:26] Because my mom was like you.

[00:57:27] She was like.

[00:57:28] She was like 20 when she had me.

[00:57:29] So.

[00:57:30] She was like very young when she.

[00:57:31] When she had me.

[00:57:32] So.

[00:57:33] I know.

[00:57:34] Older her.

[00:57:34] Would have done things totally different.

[00:57:36] So.

[00:57:37] So.

[00:57:38] If you listen to this.

[00:57:39] I'll give you grace.

[00:57:40] And the one thing I do love about my mom is.

[00:57:42] Now.

[00:57:42] I guess I could tell.

[00:57:43] The growth of my podcast.

[00:57:45] My mom go from.

[00:57:46] Being one of my biggest haters.

[00:57:48] To now.

[00:57:48] She's one of the biggest fans.

[00:57:50] And she just loves it.

[00:57:51] When she ever.

[00:57:52] Bitch listens to episodes.

[00:57:54] She's like.

[00:57:54] Oh.

[00:57:54] That's my son.

[00:57:55] He's doing this.

[00:57:56] And I'm like.

[00:57:56] Okay.

[00:57:56] Thank you mom.

[00:57:58] I love that.

[00:57:59] I love that.

[00:58:00] Well see.

[00:58:00] Look at how.

[00:58:02] Life just works.

[00:58:03] Because.

[00:58:04] I'm sure you didn't even know.

[00:58:06] Those things of me.

[00:58:07] And then here I am sharing that.

[00:58:09] And giving you.

[00:58:11] A different perspective.

[00:58:13] One of the biggest things.

[00:58:14] I learned in therapy.

[00:58:15] Is that.

[00:58:15] Our parents were people first.

[00:58:17] And so I had to forgive my mom.

[00:58:19] For a lot of stuff.

[00:58:21] Because she's just.

[00:58:22] She's human.

[00:58:24] Yeah.

[00:58:25] And.

[00:58:25] And honestly.

[00:58:26] I could tell the women.

[00:58:27] That they didn't.

[00:58:28] They really forgive their moms.

[00:58:29] Because.

[00:58:30] Some moms.

[00:58:30] They'd be in competition.

[00:58:31] With their own daughters.

[00:58:32] Which I really don't understand.

[00:58:34] I'm like.

[00:58:34] Why the hell.

[00:58:35] Y'all be trying to be.

[00:58:36] In competition.

[00:58:36] With your own daughter.

[00:58:39] Yeah.

[00:58:39] No.

[00:58:39] Like ma'am.

[00:58:40] That is your.

[00:58:44] Really?

[00:58:45] Because.

[00:58:46] With my exes.

[00:58:47] I could tell.

[00:58:48] It affected her.

[00:58:48] Because.

[00:58:49] Anytime she would.

[00:58:50] She would just be talking about her mom.

[00:58:52] It was just like.

[00:58:52] My mom is this.

[00:58:53] My mom is that.

[00:58:54] I'm like ma'am.

[00:58:55] Your mom is this.

[00:58:56] Your mom is that.

[00:58:56] But you act just like her.

[00:58:58] You.

[00:59:00] I know that exes probably listening somewhere.

[00:59:02] And I don't give a shit.

[00:59:03] You know.

[00:59:04] Because I ain't trying to chase them.

[00:59:05] So.

[00:59:06] It is what it is.

[00:59:08] Well you know.

[00:59:09] We.

[00:59:10] In the therapy world.

[00:59:12] We simplify it to this.

[00:59:14] That.

[00:59:14] Some of us.

[00:59:16] As children.

[00:59:17] Have been raised by parents.

[00:59:19] Who are still immature.

[00:59:20] Or who are not.

[00:59:22] Emotionally intelligent.

[00:59:23] And so yeah.

[00:59:24] There are situations where.

[00:59:26] A mother is jealous of her daughter.

[00:59:29] Or.

[00:59:30] A parent will allow.

[00:59:32] Their child to make.

[00:59:33] Adult like decisions.

[00:59:34] Where they're too young.

[00:59:35] To obviously make those things.

[00:59:37] A lot of it is mental health issues.

[00:59:39] We don't see it that way.

[00:59:41] In the black community.

[00:59:42] Because that's not the language.

[00:59:43] That we grew up with.

[00:59:44] You just be like.

[00:59:44] Oh that's such and such daughter.

[00:59:46] You know her mama crazy.

[00:59:47] Like.

[00:59:48] That's just what we grew up on.

[00:59:50] And so there was so much.

[00:59:51] That I had to unlearn.

[00:59:53] To fit into the psychology world.

[00:59:56] To then flip back.

[00:59:57] To relate to the people.

[00:59:59] That I'm working with.

[01:00:00] So they can understand like.

[01:00:01] Yeah.

[01:00:03] Your mama calling you out.

[01:00:04] Your name was not.

[01:00:06] Healthy.

[01:00:07] But we're going to learn.

[01:00:09] To speak differently.

[01:00:10] To our own children.

[01:00:13] Yeah.

[01:00:14] And I know as a teen mom.

[01:00:15] You probably learned some things.

[01:00:17] So I hope that you.

[01:00:18] You had to go to your child.

[01:00:19] To ask for forgiveness.

[01:00:20] For some things.

[01:00:21] Because you know.

[01:00:22] So because.

[01:00:23] That I will say.

[01:00:24] That's the.

[01:00:25] That is the one time.

[01:00:27] That's the one thing.

[01:00:28] That my mom really just.

[01:00:30] Earned my respect on.

[01:00:31] I'm like okay mom.

[01:00:32] I've got you.

[01:00:33] I really respect you.

[01:00:34] It sucks.

[01:00:35] I had to be cold as hell to her.

[01:00:37] Because I was in college.

[01:00:38] And she came for a visit.

[01:00:39] And I was like.

[01:00:40] Why the hell are you here?

[01:00:42] My mom.

[01:00:43] That's how.

[01:00:43] That's how my mindset was.

[01:00:45] Because we had gone a whole year.

[01:00:46] Without seeing each other.

[01:00:47] So I was already like.

[01:00:49] Why the hell are you here?

[01:00:50] But then.

[01:00:51] At that time I was.

[01:00:52] She says.

[01:00:53] I fucked up.

[01:00:54] I shouldn't have did this.

[01:00:55] I'm like.

[01:00:56] Now that.

[01:00:57] I'm like.

[01:00:57] You really.

[01:00:58] I really.

[01:00:59] You earned my respect.

[01:01:00] Because you took accountability.

[01:01:01] For your actions.

[01:01:02] And then you set the new standard.

[01:01:04] For any woman.

[01:01:05] I deal with today.

[01:01:06] Because.

[01:01:07] If my mama can hold it.

[01:01:09] Herself accountable.

[01:01:10] Then your ass can hold yourself accountable.

[01:01:12] So.

[01:01:13] And from that point on.

[01:01:14] I'm like.

[01:01:15] I really respected my mom for that.

[01:01:17] Yeah.

[01:01:18] Yeah.

[01:01:20] I think in all parenting.

[01:01:21] There's going to be moments.

[01:01:22] Where we do things.

[01:01:23] That is not.

[01:01:24] Good.

[01:01:25] And in healthy parenting.

[01:01:27] You should be able to go back.

[01:01:28] To your children.

[01:01:28] And say.

[01:01:29] Mommy was.

[01:01:31] Wrong.

[01:01:32] For the way that she.

[01:01:33] You know.

[01:01:33] You know.

[01:01:34] Or.

[01:01:34] I didn't mean.

[01:01:36] To yell at you.

[01:01:36] I actually had a really hard day.

[01:01:38] And.

[01:01:39] I apologize.

[01:01:40] Apologize.

[01:01:41] As far as.

[01:01:42] Like.

[01:01:42] Me being.

[01:01:43] A young mom.

[01:01:44] There came a point.

[01:01:45] Where I apologized.

[01:01:46] To my son.

[01:01:47] Because.

[01:01:48] I was still a full-time student.

[01:01:49] And I was working.

[01:01:51] A lot.

[01:01:51] And so.

[01:01:52] I missed.

[01:01:52] Some of his firsts.

[01:01:53] My mom was there to help me.

[01:01:55] But.

[01:01:57] I remember.

[01:01:58] She would get him out of school.

[01:01:59] You know.

[01:02:00] Or get him off the bus.

[01:02:01] And I wasn't getting off of work.

[01:02:02] To almost 1130 at night.

[01:02:04] I would pick him up.

[01:02:05] And then we would walk.

[01:02:07] Home.

[01:02:08] To my little.

[01:02:09] Rinky dink apartment.

[01:02:10] In the project.

[01:02:11] You know.

[01:02:12] And then.

[01:02:12] I would have to get up right again.

[01:02:13] And go to school.

[01:02:14] Go to work.

[01:02:15] And so.

[01:02:15] I apologize.

[01:02:16] For missing.

[01:02:17] A lot of those quality moments.

[01:02:20] But I never apologize.

[01:02:22] For.

[01:02:23] What happened.

[01:02:25] Because my son is so gifted.

[01:02:26] He's so bright.

[01:02:28] He's a straight A student.

[01:02:29] He's a varsity.

[01:02:30] Runner.

[01:02:32] He's.

[01:02:33] He's just.

[01:02:33] An amazing child.

[01:02:34] And so.

[01:02:35] I thank God.

[01:02:36] I think.

[01:02:36] That things happened.

[01:02:37] The way that it was supposed to.

[01:02:40] Yeah.

[01:02:41] My one question would be.

[01:02:42] I hope the dad.

[01:02:43] Was somewhere in the picture.

[01:02:44] To help out.

[01:02:45] But.

[01:02:45] It sounds like he wasn't.

[01:02:48] So.

[01:02:49] Again.

[01:02:49] Sometimes.

[01:02:50] In trauma bonding.

[01:02:51] No contact.

[01:02:52] Is better.

[01:02:53] And.

[01:02:54] I made the choice.

[01:02:55] To keep us away.

[01:02:56] Because if you can.

[01:02:57] Physically hurt me.

[01:02:58] Then I have to believe.

[01:02:59] That you will hurt my son.

[01:03:01] And so no.

[01:03:02] And.

[01:03:03] But I also.

[01:03:04] Hopefully devil.

[01:03:05] Right.

[01:03:06] Because.

[01:03:07] He also has the responsibility.

[01:03:09] To say hey.

[01:03:10] Well I can.

[01:03:11] You.

[01:03:12] Go to other resources.

[01:03:13] To ensure that I have.

[01:03:14] Some type of.

[01:03:15] Role in my son's life.

[01:03:17] And he did not.

[01:03:18] He chose to keep going.

[01:03:20] Um.

[01:03:21] Here we are.

[01:03:22] 16 years later.

[01:03:23] And that's okay.

[01:03:25] Yeah.

[01:03:26] I can understand that.

[01:03:27] You know.

[01:03:28] And believe it or not.

[01:03:29] Because I went.

[01:03:30] I went through the same thing.

[01:03:31] With my dad as well.

[01:03:32] And it's like.

[01:03:33] Because my mom married a stupid idiot.

[01:03:35] Her first husband.

[01:03:36] I was able to forgive my dad.

[01:03:37] For not being there.

[01:03:38] Because.

[01:03:39] I'd rather you not be there.

[01:03:40] But then.

[01:03:41] Compared to you being there.

[01:03:43] But you do.

[01:03:43] Every little thing.

[01:03:44] To tear me down.

[01:03:45] You can.

[01:03:46] Every little thing.

[01:03:47] You could bitch about.

[01:03:48] You bitched about.

[01:03:49] You know.

[01:03:49] So it's like.

[01:03:51] You know.

[01:03:51] Um.

[01:03:51] So in some areas.

[01:03:53] I may need to go.

[01:03:53] I will go to therapy.

[01:03:55] Because I do.

[01:03:55] I do forgive my mom.

[01:03:57] I tell myself that all the time.

[01:03:58] But you know.

[01:03:59] That sometimes.

[01:04:00] I'll wake up with murder on my mind.

[01:04:01] Of course.

[01:04:02] I'm human.

[01:04:03] But it is what it is.

[01:04:05] Yeah.

[01:04:06] Nah.

[01:04:07] It happens.

[01:04:08] Again.

[01:04:08] I told you before.

[01:04:09] I said.

[01:04:09] Sometimes I'm that person.

[01:04:10] Like I'm walling out.

[01:04:11] Or I'm reacting.

[01:04:13] Um.

[01:04:14] Because there's a lot of.

[01:04:15] Just anger that I suppress.

[01:04:17] And recognizing it.

[01:04:18] I put it into other energy.

[01:04:20] But I used to be a bully.

[01:04:21] I used to be like.

[01:04:23] Really really mad.

[01:04:23] All the time.

[01:04:25] Not that person.

[01:04:26] Your pretty ass was.

[01:04:28] All mad all the time.

[01:04:30] Yeah.

[01:04:31] I was.

[01:04:32] Apparently.

[01:04:33] My pretty self.

[01:04:34] Never smiled.

[01:04:35] That was a big thing.

[01:04:36] Why don't you smile?

[01:04:37] You're so pretty.

[01:04:39] People didn't know.

[01:04:40] That there was a lot of.

[01:04:41] I still get it.

[01:04:44] Yeah.

[01:04:46] And believe it or not.

[01:04:47] I still get that to this day.

[01:04:48] Because if you go to my personal.

[01:04:49] Instagram page.

[01:04:50] They'll be like.

[01:04:51] Oh.

[01:04:51] Why aren't you smiling?

[01:04:52] Why don't you smile?

[01:04:53] And I'd be like.

[01:04:54] Ain't shit funny.

[01:04:56] Uh.

[01:04:57] Yeah.

[01:04:57] Yeah.

[01:04:57] But it is what it is.

[01:04:59] Yeah.

[01:05:01] I don't.

[01:05:02] I don't know why y'all women.

[01:05:03] Always get that with us men.

[01:05:05] Like.

[01:05:05] Oh.

[01:05:05] Why don't you smile more?

[01:05:07] You should smile.

[01:05:09] I'm like.

[01:05:09] Ma'am.

[01:05:10] Make me laugh then.

[01:05:11] Motherfucker.

[01:05:12] Shit.

[01:05:12] I'm not that woman.

[01:05:15] So you're gonna have to ask them.

[01:05:17] Why you want me to smile?

[01:05:18] Maybe she.

[01:05:18] Maybe she wants you to smile.

[01:05:20] Maybe she thinks that you.

[01:05:22] Look better when you smile.

[01:05:24] Isn't that a song?

[01:05:25] I don't know.

[01:05:27] I don't know.

[01:05:28] I think.

[01:05:28] I don't know.

[01:05:29] Maybe that might be a song.

[01:05:31] I can't remember.

[01:05:31] That song ain't coming to me right now.

[01:05:33] I know Lil Duval has a song.

[01:05:35] Smile bitch.

[01:05:36] Smile bitch.

[01:05:37] I don't know.

[01:05:38] I don't know if it's that one.

[01:05:39] But.

[01:05:40] I don't know.

[01:05:41] But.

[01:05:41] There'll be some women that.

[01:05:43] Um.

[01:05:43] They'll just walk up to random men.

[01:05:45] Be like.

[01:05:45] Hey.

[01:05:46] Smile king.

[01:05:46] I'm like.

[01:05:47] Ma'am.

[01:05:48] You know what?

[01:05:48] Next time a woman asks me.

[01:05:49] I'm like.

[01:05:50] I'm gonna say why?

[01:05:51] You don't know what the hell.

[01:05:52] I got going on.

[01:05:53] Why didn't you smile?

[01:05:56] Or you just smile back.

[01:05:58] Because sometimes it just makes people feel good.

[01:06:00] Try it.

[01:06:01] And you.

[01:06:01] You're down south.

[01:06:02] I feel like people are nicer down there.

[01:06:05] They always smile.

[01:06:06] Yes.

[01:06:06] People.

[01:06:08] Oh.

[01:06:09] People are nice down south.

[01:06:10] But of course.

[01:06:10] But then you have your days where.

[01:06:12] People ain't really smiling.

[01:06:14] So.

[01:06:14] But I know up north.

[01:06:15] Um.

[01:06:16] I've experienced it multiple times.

[01:06:17] But being.

[01:06:18] Going up north.

[01:06:18] I'm like.

[01:06:19] These motherfuckers are just rude up here.

[01:06:21] I'm like.

[01:06:22] God.

[01:06:22] Damn.

[01:06:23] Damn.

[01:06:25] Yeah.

[01:06:26] Yeah.

[01:06:27] Well.

[01:06:27] It's 24.

[01:06:28] I mean.

[01:06:32] Yeah.

[01:06:32] It's 24 degrees.

[01:06:34] It's cold as fuck.

[01:06:35] I agree.

[01:06:36] Y'all wouldn't have.

[01:06:37] Which is why I tell all my people up north.

[01:06:39] But whenever.

[01:06:40] I.

[01:06:40] Whenever I want to do a show live.

[01:06:42] Which is going to happen.

[01:06:43] Um.

[01:06:44] If y'all ever want me to come up to your state.

[01:06:46] Uh.

[01:06:46] If you're in the north.

[01:06:47] I'm like.

[01:06:48] I'm coming during the summertime.

[01:06:49] Because it ain't so bad.

[01:06:50] Because it's hot as hell in Florida.

[01:06:52] During the summertime.

[01:06:53] So.

[01:06:53] I'll definitely.

[01:06:54] I travel.

[01:06:55] Like.

[01:06:55] If.

[01:06:55] If you want me to come up.

[01:06:57] Up to Connecticut.

[01:06:58] You know.

[01:06:58] I'll tell you.

[01:06:59] Hey.

[01:07:00] We'll plan something for when it's warm.

[01:07:01] You know.

[01:07:03] Now.

[01:07:03] I might be coming to New York.

[01:07:05] Um.

[01:07:06] Um.

[01:07:06] Real soon.

[01:07:06] So.

[01:07:07] I got to finalize that.

[01:07:08] Um.

[01:07:09] One of my.

[01:07:10] Somebody contacted me.

[01:07:11] About coming to New York.

[01:07:12] For.

[01:07:12] And I told him.

[01:07:13] Hey.

[01:07:14] I'll do it.

[01:07:14] But.

[01:07:15] Also.

[01:07:15] It may be a season premiere.

[01:07:16] Up there in New York.

[01:07:17] So.

[01:07:18] Stay tuned y'all.

[01:07:19] I might be coming to New York.

[01:07:20] In the.

[01:07:21] In the.

[01:07:21] In the coming months.

[01:07:22] So.

[01:07:23] Right now.

[01:07:23] Make sure you bring your.

[01:07:25] Um.

[01:07:25] Your coat.

[01:07:25] Your scarf.

[01:07:26] Your hat.

[01:07:27] All that good stuff.

[01:07:28] Because it gets.

[01:07:28] It gets really cold in January.

[01:07:32] I ain't coming in January.

[01:07:33] It's probably gonna be like.

[01:07:34] March or April.

[01:07:34] Or something like that.

[01:07:36] Okay.

[01:07:36] Okay.

[01:07:37] Then you're good.

[01:07:38] You're good.

[01:07:39] It might not be so bad then.

[01:07:41] So.

[01:07:41] For your podcast.

[01:07:42] What you want.

[01:07:43] What you want.

[01:07:43] What you trying to do.

[01:07:44] With your podcast in 2025.

[01:07:49] You know.

[01:07:51] I would love to branch out.

[01:07:53] And do more public speaking.

[01:07:56] In 2025.

[01:07:57] I have this grand idea.

[01:07:59] That I'm gonna be the next Oprah.

[01:08:01] So.

[01:08:02] I would love to do.

[01:08:03] Some more public speaking.

[01:08:04] Getting on other people's podcasts.

[01:08:07] Um.

[01:08:08] Branding.

[01:08:09] Crown Thoughts in that way.

[01:08:10] Because.

[01:08:11] I think it's bigger than just a podcast.

[01:08:13] I'm hoping that it becomes.

[01:08:16] Some kind of mental health brand.

[01:08:18] But definitely getting back into more recording.

[01:08:21] Um.

[01:08:22] I would love to have a new lineup of guests.

[01:08:25] Male guests.

[01:08:26] To come onto the show.

[01:08:28] And.

[01:08:29] Um.

[01:08:29] I'm definitely looking forward to.

[01:08:32] Kind of getting back into.

[01:08:34] Like where I was.

[01:08:35] When I was on fire.

[01:08:37] You know.

[01:08:37] Because I think for a moment.

[01:08:38] We were too wrapped up in.

[01:08:41] How to get the reels popping.

[01:08:43] And how to get these lights.

[01:08:44] And I just want to get back into.

[01:08:45] Real raw conversation.

[01:08:49] You know.

[01:08:49] Whenever you're ready for a guest.

[01:08:50] You got.

[01:08:51] You got this brother in Florida.

[01:08:52] That's ready to go.

[01:08:53] Whenever you need him.

[01:08:54] So.

[01:08:57] Yes.

[01:08:58] Yes.

[01:08:58] Yes.

[01:08:59] I would love that.

[01:09:02] Yeah.

[01:09:02] Just let me know.

[01:09:03] Whenever you're ready.

[01:09:03] To make it happen.

[01:09:04] Um.

[01:09:04] Just to DM away.

[01:09:05] But.

[01:09:06] Lastly.

[01:09:06] Why do people need to tap in.

[01:09:07] With the Crown Thoughts podcast.

[01:09:10] So.

[01:09:10] So.

[01:09:11] The best way.

[01:09:12] To tap in.

[01:09:12] Is going to my website.

[01:09:14] At.

[01:09:14] www.crownthoughts.life

[01:09:20] There.

[01:09:20] You have access.

[01:09:22] To.

[01:09:23] My Psychology Today page.

[01:09:25] You have access to.

[01:09:26] The podcast.

[01:09:27] Um.

[01:09:28] There is a resource page.

[01:09:29] Where you can see.

[01:09:30] All of the things that are happening.

[01:09:31] In the community.

[01:09:32] And also.

[01:09:33] You can get into my Instagram.

[01:09:35] And my Twitter.

[01:09:35] Or X.

[01:09:36] I believe it's called now.

[01:09:37] But I still call it Twitter.

[01:09:39] Um.

[01:09:39] So it's.

[01:09:40] www.crownthoughts.life

[01:09:44] Um.

[01:09:45] I have to follow you on X.

[01:09:47] Um.

[01:09:47] But listen.

[01:09:48] Why do people need to tap in.

[01:09:49] With you though?

[01:09:51] Why do they need to tap into me?

[01:09:53] Because.

[01:09:54] Um.

[01:09:57] I'm going to give it to you.

[01:09:58] Real and raw.

[01:10:00] But I'm going to put you in a space.

[01:10:01] Where you're going to become.

[01:10:03] Aware of yourself.

[01:10:05] You know.

[01:10:05] This is not the podcast.

[01:10:07] For the shits and giggles.

[01:10:08] This podcast is going to have you.

[01:10:09] Really sitting and thinking.

[01:10:11] And that is what Crown Thoughts is about.

[01:10:13] It's like.

[01:10:13] Your higher knowledge.

[01:10:15] Your crown.

[01:10:15] Is at the very top of your head.

[01:10:17] And I want you to leave.

[01:10:19] Feeling like you are.

[01:10:20] A king.

[01:10:21] Or a queen.

[01:10:22] And that you deserve more in your life.

[01:10:23] And that starts with making change.

[01:10:28] That's real.

[01:10:28] That's amazing.

[01:10:30] Hey Latina.

[01:10:30] I want to thank you for joining me.

[01:10:32] On Liquor Talk.

[01:10:32] For this episode.

[01:10:33] We're kicking off the new year together.

[01:10:35] I definitely appreciate you.

[01:10:36] For having me on.

[01:10:37] On.

[01:10:37] Like I said.

[01:10:38] Whenever you need me to come on.

[01:10:39] I might be in Florida.

[01:10:40] But I'm always a DM away.

[01:10:42] So whenever you're ready to make that happen.

[01:10:44] Let me know.

[01:10:44] And also.

[01:10:45] If you need me to get on a flight to Connecticut.

[01:10:47] Just say the word.

[01:10:48] And you can make that happen too.

[01:10:51] Because hey.

[01:10:52] I'll fly to you if you have to.

[01:10:55] And I'll make sure that.

[01:10:56] Me and my man.

[01:10:58] We both host you.

[01:10:59] When you get here.

[01:11:04] But you absolutely will be on the lineup.

[01:11:07] For 2025.

[01:11:08] So let's connect.

[01:11:09] I'd love to talk with you again.

[01:11:11] And if we are ever in Florida.

[01:11:13] Victor.

[01:11:13] Yes.

[01:11:13] I'm pulling up on you.

[01:11:15] For sure.

[01:11:16] Yes.

[01:11:16] Let me know.

[01:11:18] Hey.

[01:11:18] Just let me know.

[01:11:18] I will definitely get the studio time booked.

[01:11:20] And we'll make some things happen.

[01:11:23] All righty.

[01:11:23] Thank you so much.

[01:11:25] And thank you to listeners.

[01:11:27] For tapping in with Look and Talk.

[01:11:28] Whether it's on the MBG Podcast Network.

[01:11:30] Apple Podcasts.

[01:11:32] Spotify.

[01:11:32] Or iHeart Radio.

[01:11:33] Wherever you get your podcasts at.

[01:11:35] Thank you for pouring up.

[01:11:36] And tuning in with us.

[01:11:37] Until the next episode.

[01:11:39] Peace.

[01:11:40] Peace.