Black mothers deserve mental health support that goes beyond being told to stay strong.
In recognition of National Suicide Prevention Week, host Lizzy sits down with Sadija A. Smiley, founder of Stillborn And Infant Loss Support (SAILS), and Minister Brittany Bryant, founder of Universal Restoration Wellness, to discuss maternal mental health, grief, suicide awareness, and healing.
Black mothers in Delaware and beyond deserve access to compassionate care, real support, and spaces where their struggles are taken seriously.
Connect With Our Guests:
Sadija A. Smiley: bornintosilence.org
Minister Brittany Bryant: www.urwellness.org
Need support? Call or text 988 for free, confidential crisis support, 24/7.
00:00:01 --> 00:00:02 Well, hello everyone. It's your girl MC
00:00:02 --> 00:00:04 McKenzie. Welcome to the
00:00:04 --> 00:00:06 our heritage, our legacy podcast
00:00:07 --> 00:00:09 dedicated to addressing the pressing
00:00:09 --> 00:00:11 issues of black maternal health,
00:00:11 --> 00:00:13 exploring the stories, the challenges,
00:00:13 --> 00:00:15 and the triumphs of black mothers in
00:00:15 --> 00:00:17 Delaware and beyond. On this podcast, we
00:00:17 --> 00:00:19 dive into our heritage, the systemic
00:00:19 --> 00:00:21 barriers we face, and the legacy we aim
00:00:22 --> 00:00:24 to leave behind. And we do so through
00:00:24 --> 00:00:26 heartfelt conversation
00:00:26 --> 00:00:26 >> Yes.
00:00:26 --> 00:00:29 >> right here on the Birth Seat. Ladies and
00:00:29 --> 00:00:32 gentlemen, if you missed us, we missed
00:00:32 --> 00:00:34 you more because we haven't been on this
00:00:34 --> 00:00:35 podcast
00:00:35 --> 00:00:38 in like what? Maybe six months or more.
00:00:38 --> 00:00:41 Um different reasons for that, but um
00:00:41 --> 00:00:43 we're just glad to be back and we have a
00:00:43 --> 00:00:45 very important topic that we're going to
00:00:45 --> 00:00:47 be discussing today and I have three
00:00:47 --> 00:00:50 beautiful, gorgeous, amazing black I
00:00:50 --> 00:00:54 mean brain, beauty and brain women here
00:00:55 --> 00:00:57 that will be helping me with a very
00:00:57 --> 00:00:59 important topic that I would read a very
00:00:59 --> 00:01:01 brief disclosure before we delve into
00:01:01 --> 00:01:03 the details of it. All right? So if this
00:01:03 --> 00:01:05 is your very first time joining this
00:01:05 --> 00:01:08 podcast, thank you for coming. We hope
00:01:08 --> 00:01:11 that you stay, you listen, and with an
00:01:11 --> 00:01:15 open heart and open mind and um
00:01:15 --> 00:01:17 um take your time to listen to our other
00:01:17 --> 00:01:19 podcasts that we've had and also the
00:01:19 --> 00:01:20 ones that will be coming up in the
00:01:21 --> 00:01:23 future. So thank you and welcome. All
00:01:23 --> 00:01:25 right, so today's discussion is around
00:01:25 --> 00:01:27 suicide and a brief disclosure for you
00:01:27 --> 00:01:29 before we begin. I want to let our
00:01:29 --> 00:01:32 viewers, which it's you, know that
00:01:32 --> 00:01:33 today's conversation includes discussion
00:01:33 --> 00:01:35 about suicide, mental health, and
00:01:35 --> 00:01:38 emotional distress. Some topics may be
00:01:38 --> 00:01:40 very difficult or triggering for some
00:01:41 --> 00:01:42 viewers.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:44 Please take care of uh yourself
00:01:44 --> 00:01:46 while listening and feel free to step
00:01:46 --> 00:01:49 away if you need to. If you or someone
00:01:49 --> 00:01:51 you know is struggling or in crisis,
00:01:51 --> 00:01:55 please call 988 for the suicide and
00:01:55 --> 00:01:57 crisis lifeline.
00:01:57 --> 00:01:58 Ladies and gentlemen, please remember
00:01:59 --> 00:02:00 that September is Awareness and
00:02:00 --> 00:02:03 Prevention month, a month dedicated to
00:02:03 --> 00:02:05 raising awareness, breaking barriers,
00:02:05 --> 00:02:07 the stigma surrounding mental health,
00:02:07 --> 00:02:08 and reminding people
00:02:08 --> 00:02:10 that they are not alone.
00:02:10 --> 00:02:12 This conversation may be difficult, but
00:02:12 --> 00:02:15 incredibly important for us. This is not
00:02:15 --> 00:02:18 a conversation about fear. It is simply
00:02:18 --> 00:02:20 a conversation about understanding,
00:02:20 --> 00:02:23 compassion, connection, and hope.
00:02:23 --> 00:02:24 Sometimes the people who are hurting the
00:02:24 --> 00:02:26 most are the ones who smile the
00:02:26 --> 00:02:28 brightest.
00:02:28 --> 00:02:30 Today we're going beyond awareness.
00:02:30 --> 00:02:32 We're talking about recognizing
00:02:32 --> 00:02:34 recognizing the warning signs, knowing
00:02:34 --> 00:02:35 how to start the conversation in
00:02:35 --> 00:02:38 different scenarios or situations,
00:02:38 --> 00:02:40 understanding how to support someone who
00:02:40 --> 00:02:42 may be struggling, and most importantly,
00:02:42 --> 00:02:46 know where to turn to for help.
00:02:46 --> 00:02:47 My hope is that this conversation
00:02:47 --> 00:02:49 reminds someone that their life has
00:02:49 --> 00:02:51 value,
00:02:51 --> 00:02:54 their stories matters, and asking for
00:02:54 --> 00:02:56 help is definitely not a sign of
00:02:56 --> 00:02:57 weakness.
00:02:57 --> 00:02:59 Ladies and gentlemen, joining me for
00:02:59 --> 00:03:01 today's conversation, I have the amazing
00:03:01 --> 00:03:05 Ms. Sadija A. Smiley.
00:03:05 --> 00:03:06 See her smile? Very beautiful, just like
00:03:06 --> 00:03:08 her last name. All right, and she is the
00:03:08 --> 00:03:11 author of Advanced Grief Recovery
00:03:11 --> 00:03:13 Specialist and the founder. All right?
00:03:13 --> 00:03:15 All right. And then we also have
00:03:15 --> 00:03:19 Minister Bryant Bryant, founder of
00:03:19 --> 00:03:21 Universal Restoration Wellness.
00:03:21 --> 00:03:23 All right, thank you for coming, and I'm
00:03:23 --> 00:03:24 going to have you guys introduce
00:03:24 --> 00:03:25 yourself shortly. And I have the
00:03:25 --> 00:03:29 amazing, gorgeous Charisse Brown-Tufts,
00:03:29 --> 00:03:33 author of 23 books. Listen, I have a
00:03:33 --> 00:03:35 powerhouse in here today. So I'm going
00:03:35 --> 00:03:36 to have you guys introduce yourself to
00:03:36 --> 00:03:39 our viewers, and uh we'll delve into the
00:03:39 --> 00:03:41 conversation from there. Thank you.
00:03:41 --> 00:03:42 >> So thank you, thank you again for having
00:03:42 --> 00:03:44 me and for opening up this conversation.
00:03:44 --> 00:03:45 Like you said, it's really, really
00:03:45 --> 00:03:48 important. Um I'm Sadija A. Smiley. I am
00:03:48 --> 00:03:50 the founder and CEO of Stillborn and
00:03:50 --> 00:03:53 Infant Loss Support. Um I'm also the
00:03:53 --> 00:03:55 author of After the Silence, which is
00:03:55 --> 00:03:57 Seven Gentle Reminders for Mothers
00:03:57 --> 00:04:00 Healing After Pregnancy Loss. And um
00:04:00 --> 00:04:02 this topic is really important to me.
00:04:02 --> 00:04:04 Um, it's touched my life both personally
00:04:04 --> 00:04:06 and professionally in many ways, and I'm
00:04:06 --> 00:04:07 really looking forward to the
00:04:07 --> 00:04:08 conversation.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:10 >> Wonderful. Thank you.
00:04:10 --> 00:04:12 So, hello everyone. Um, my name is
00:04:12 --> 00:04:15 Minister Coco B or Britney Bryant,
00:04:15 --> 00:04:17 however you know me. Um,
00:04:17 --> 00:04:19 I am the owner of Universal Restoration
00:04:19 --> 00:04:22 Wellness, and basically I am a holistic
00:04:22 --> 00:04:24 life coach and life insurance agent as
00:04:24 --> 00:04:26 well as massage therapist and doula. I
00:04:26 --> 00:04:29 wear many, many hats, but the point of
00:04:29 --> 00:04:32 my business is to provide services from
00:04:32 --> 00:04:34 the womb to the tomb, encouraging each
00:04:34 --> 00:04:36 and every one of us to live adequate,
00:04:36 --> 00:04:38 healthy lives so we can be the best
00:04:38 --> 00:04:39 version of ourselves.
00:04:39 --> 00:04:41 >> Wonderful. Thank you.
00:04:41 --> 00:04:43 >> And I am Sherese Brown Torres. I am the
00:04:43 --> 00:04:46 author of 23 books with author Sherese
00:04:46 --> 00:04:47 Marie under the name of Author Sherese
00:04:47 --> 00:04:50 Marie. I am also the president and
00:04:50 --> 00:04:52 founder of Pushing Through Inc., where
00:04:52 --> 00:04:54 we focus on mental health and suicide
00:04:54 --> 00:04:56 awareness and prevention resources as
00:04:56 --> 00:04:57 well.
00:04:57 --> 00:05:00 >> Wonderful. All right. Thank you. Welcome
00:05:00 --> 00:05:03 to the birth seat. Love it already. Um,
00:05:03 --> 00:05:05 to start off the conversation, I think
00:05:05 --> 00:05:08 with September being suicide awareness
00:05:08 --> 00:05:10 and prevention month here at Black
00:05:10 --> 00:05:12 Mothers Empower, our goal is to promote
00:05:12 --> 00:05:15 um, prevention and also
00:05:15 --> 00:05:17 create a safe space for the
00:05:17 --> 00:05:18 conversation. So, the first thing we
00:05:18 --> 00:05:21 want to do or talk about is just try to
00:05:21 --> 00:05:26 define what suicide is. What is suicide?
00:05:26 --> 00:05:28 >> Yeah, I guess I'll kick us off. Um,
00:05:28 --> 00:05:31 suicide is and I don't have the
00:05:31 --> 00:05:34 Webster's dictionary, but suicide is an
00:05:34 --> 00:05:36 act of taking one's own life.
00:05:36 --> 00:05:36 >> Mhm.
00:05:36 --> 00:05:39 >> Um, and there's many forms um, of
00:05:39 --> 00:05:42 suicide. Um, it's taking your own life,
00:05:42 --> 00:05:45 but then they have suicide by cop where,
00:05:45 --> 00:05:47 you know, there's an interaction where
00:05:47 --> 00:05:49 the person who does not want to live
00:05:49 --> 00:05:50 anymore provokes someone else to take
00:05:50 --> 00:05:52 their life instead of them taking their
00:05:52 --> 00:05:55 own life. And so, it is linked to mental
00:05:55 --> 00:05:57 distress and emotional distress. So,
00:05:57 --> 00:05:59 while suicide is the outcome, there's a
00:05:59 --> 00:06:01 lot of things that are underneath of
00:06:01 --> 00:06:02 that that
00:06:02 --> 00:06:05 preclude that, prevent that. And so, Um,
00:06:05 --> 00:06:07 those things happen before someone gets
00:06:07 --> 00:06:08 to that point.
00:06:08 --> 00:06:10 >> Okay. And what's your take on that?
00:06:10 --> 00:06:13 >> Ex- exactly exactly that. Someone taking
00:06:13 --> 00:06:15 their own life and I'm very grateful
00:06:15 --> 00:06:18 that you mentioned suicide by other
00:06:18 --> 00:06:20 means because
00:06:20 --> 00:06:22 some people are suicidal and they don't
00:06:22 --> 00:06:23 have the
00:06:23 --> 00:06:26 willpower to make the act themselves,
00:06:26 --> 00:06:28 but they put themselves in situations
00:06:28 --> 00:06:29 where they know what the possible
00:06:29 --> 00:06:31 outcome may be. So thank you for
00:06:31 --> 00:06:33 highlighting that as well.
00:06:33 --> 00:06:35 >> Wonderful. All right.
00:06:35 --> 00:06:37 And um
00:06:37 --> 00:06:39 what are factors that contribute to
00:06:39 --> 00:06:41 someone uh decision to take their own
00:06:41 --> 00:06:44 life typically?
00:06:44 --> 00:06:47 >> Can I take that one, y'all? [laughter]
00:06:47 --> 00:06:49 Because I actually I actually saved
00:06:49 --> 00:06:52 something because um I thought that this
00:06:52 --> 00:06:55 was really important. I'm not sure which
00:06:55 --> 00:06:56 platform I I
00:06:56 --> 00:06:59 snapped this from, but the person is the
00:06:59 --> 00:07:02 real reclaimed. And basically it says as
00:07:02 --> 00:07:04 we talk about sui- suicide prevention,
00:07:04 --> 00:07:07 we must remember that food access, live-
00:07:07 --> 00:07:09 livable wages, affordable healthcare
00:07:09 --> 00:07:12 access, affordable housing, mental
00:07:12 --> 00:07:14 health access because personally I think
00:07:14 --> 00:07:17 that's one of the leading causes to it
00:07:17 --> 00:07:18 because a lot of times when people are
00:07:18 --> 00:07:20 suicidal, they have underlying mental
00:07:20 --> 00:07:23 health issues such as bipolar,
00:07:23 --> 00:07:26 schizophrenia, depression, all these um
00:07:26 --> 00:07:29 things that we talk about all the time.
00:07:29 --> 00:07:33 Um, gender-affirming care, which is
00:07:33 --> 00:07:35 really really important as well. Um,
00:07:35 --> 00:07:38 wellness access, the quality of
00:07:38 --> 00:07:42 education access, um skills development,
00:07:42 --> 00:07:44 um
00:07:44 --> 00:07:46 are all suicide prevention. But also
00:07:46 --> 00:07:49 ending domestic violence, sexual
00:07:49 --> 00:07:52 violence, homophobia, misogyny, racism,
00:07:52 --> 00:07:55 and bigotry also are also suicide
00:07:55 --> 00:07:57 preventions as well.
00:07:57 --> 00:08:00 >> Okay. Just want to if anybody want to
00:08:00 --> 00:08:00 give a take on that.
00:08:00 --> 00:08:02 >> of the question. THAT WAS [laughter]
00:08:02 --> 00:08:07 ALL RIGHT.
00:08:07 --> 00:08:08 [screaming]
00:08:08 --> 00:08:14 CUZ I [laughter] SEEN IT AND I WAS LIKE
00:08:14 --> 00:08:15 >> [laughter]
00:08:15 --> 00:08:17 >> IT WAS THAT WAS NEEDED. THAT WAS NEEDED
00:08:17 --> 00:08:18 ACTUALLY. IT'S TRUE INFORMATION. What
00:08:18 --> 00:08:20 factors contribute to someone uh
00:08:20 --> 00:08:22 decision to take their own life?
00:08:22 --> 00:08:23 >> Yeah, all of that. I think, you know,
00:08:23 --> 00:08:25 the social determinants of health which
00:08:25 --> 00:08:27 she listed all of those things, access,
00:08:27 --> 00:08:29 um mental health, and then there's like
00:08:29 --> 00:08:31 intermittent stress. So sometimes you
00:08:31 --> 00:08:33 may not have a mental health disorder
00:08:33 --> 00:08:35 that you're living with, but there's a
00:08:35 --> 00:08:37 situation that occurred that happened
00:08:37 --> 00:08:38 that makes you feel that way. So it
00:08:38 --> 00:08:40 could be um something that is
00:08:40 --> 00:08:43 situational or environmental but doesn't
00:08:43 --> 00:08:44 last over time.
00:08:44 --> 00:08:45 Um so that's the only thing that I would
00:08:45 --> 00:08:46 add.
00:08:46 --> 00:08:48 >> Yeah, you right.
00:08:48 --> 00:08:48 >> [laughter]
00:08:48 --> 00:08:50 >> Definitely say situational because um it
00:08:50 --> 00:08:52 can be in the form of something that
00:08:52 --> 00:08:53 you're going through that can cause a
00:08:53 --> 00:08:55 lot of stress. It can be bullying. It
00:08:55 --> 00:08:57 could be, you know, being stressed out
00:08:57 --> 00:08:58 as a mother.
00:08:58 --> 00:09:00 No support and things of that nature as
00:09:00 --> 00:09:02 well. So yeah.
00:09:02 --> 00:09:04 Yeah, situational definitely.
00:09:04 --> 00:09:08 >> And it could also be impulse, right? Um
00:09:08 --> 00:09:09 because I think I was reading somewhere
00:09:09 --> 00:09:11 I think it's about they said 25 24
00:09:11 --> 00:09:14 around 24% Please don't quote me on
00:09:14 --> 00:09:16 that. But [laughter] it's information
00:09:16 --> 00:09:19 that I read somewhere. Um 24% of
00:09:19 --> 00:09:22 suicidal death happens like it's an
00:09:22 --> 00:09:23 impulse reaction
00:09:23 --> 00:09:26 uh or maybe attempt for to commit
00:09:26 --> 00:09:28 suicide, something like that. But uh
00:09:28 --> 00:09:29 yeah, sometimes it's not always they
00:09:29 --> 00:09:31 don't people don't really sit and think
00:09:31 --> 00:09:33 about it for a very long time. And
00:09:33 --> 00:09:34 sometimes with all these factors you're
00:09:34 --> 00:09:36 experiencing it goes for a very long
00:09:36 --> 00:09:37 time and then one day like I give up.
00:09:37 --> 00:09:39 I'm just done. I can't do it anymore. I
00:09:39 --> 00:09:42 can't take it. Um so yeah.
00:09:42 --> 00:09:46 Um what is a cry for attention? Uh
00:09:46 --> 00:09:48 because I've had somebody ask a question
00:09:48 --> 00:09:50 before um if somebody wants to kill
00:09:50 --> 00:09:52 themselves, why even bother trying to
00:09:52 --> 00:09:53 help them?
00:09:53 --> 00:09:55 Um and if they keep talking about it
00:09:55 --> 00:09:57 like they're just seeking attention,
00:09:57 --> 00:10:00 when do you differentiate cry for
00:10:00 --> 00:10:02 attention to and
00:10:02 --> 00:10:03 just intervening right away and giving
00:10:03 --> 00:10:05 them the support and help they need and
00:10:05 --> 00:10:07 are supposed to dismissing
00:10:07 --> 00:10:09 the fact that they keep mentioning the
00:10:09 --> 00:10:10 fact that they to commit suicide or kill
00:10:10 --> 00:10:12 themselves.
00:10:12 --> 00:10:14 >> Some people they they cry out for help
00:10:14 --> 00:10:17 from others. And the problem is is that
00:10:17 --> 00:10:19 most of us in the black and brown
00:10:19 --> 00:10:21 community we tend to sweep things under
00:10:21 --> 00:10:23 the rug instead of saying, hey let's
00:10:23 --> 00:10:25 help this person, where can I get you
00:10:25 --> 00:10:27 help at?
00:10:27 --> 00:10:28 They'll they'll do the thing of oh
00:10:28 --> 00:10:30 you'll be okay, you'll be all right,
00:10:30 --> 00:10:32 it'll be better tomorrow, sleep on it
00:10:32 --> 00:10:33 and things of that nature. But they
00:10:33 --> 00:10:35 don't think about the fact that this
00:10:35 --> 00:10:37 person could literally be serious at
00:10:37 --> 00:10:39 that very moment. They're they're crying
00:10:39 --> 00:10:41 out for help some kind of way. I've had
00:10:41 --> 00:10:43 people that would say that the person
00:10:43 --> 00:10:45 texted them and told them, hey I don't
00:10:45 --> 00:10:48 want to be here anymore, I'm depressed,
00:10:48 --> 00:10:49 I'm I'm suicidal, I'm going to take my
00:10:49 --> 00:10:51 life. And they may say it 20 30 times
00:10:51 --> 00:10:52 and you might not think that they're
00:10:52 --> 00:10:54 serious, but that
00:10:54 --> 00:10:57 31st time might be that time that they
00:10:57 --> 00:10:58 go and try to take their lives.
00:10:58 --> 00:11:00 >> So if somebody keeps saying it over and
00:11:00 --> 00:11:01 over and you keep hearing over and over
00:11:01 --> 00:11:03 and they don't do it like
00:11:03 --> 00:11:06 what do you do?
00:11:06 --> 00:11:08 >> Softly find them some help, ask them do
00:11:08 --> 00:11:10 they want to get any help, what can you
00:11:10 --> 00:11:11 do?
00:11:11 --> 00:11:13 Do not do that intervention thing. I've
00:11:13 --> 00:11:14 had people tell me we were going to do
00:11:14 --> 00:11:16 an intervention. Do not do that that
00:11:16 --> 00:11:18 intervention where everybody's in the
00:11:18 --> 00:11:20 room and they're coming at that person
00:11:20 --> 00:11:22 cuz that makes them feel worse.
00:11:22 --> 00:11:24 Maybe do like a one on one and sit down
00:11:24 --> 00:11:25 and say you know what's the issue,
00:11:25 --> 00:11:26 what's the problem, how can I help, what
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 can I do to see if you can help them and
00:11:29 --> 00:11:31 ask them do they want help?
00:11:31 --> 00:11:32 Because I know like I said in the black
00:11:32 --> 00:11:34 and brown communities a lot of people
00:11:34 --> 00:11:36 don't want to do therapy.
00:11:36 --> 00:11:38 They think you know sitting on the couch
00:11:38 --> 00:11:39 >> Stigma. They think it's sometimes they
00:11:39 --> 00:11:41 think it's a stigma like yeah.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:42 >> You're telling somebody you're you know
00:11:42 --> 00:11:44 your your you know your business, but
00:11:44 --> 00:11:46 you're going to other people and telling
00:11:46 --> 00:11:48 them you know social media. You're
00:11:48 --> 00:11:50 telling everybody or you know versus you
00:11:50 --> 00:11:52 know actually going out and getting the
00:11:52 --> 00:11:54 the proper help that you may need.
00:11:54 --> 00:11:56 >> My response to the question would be to
00:11:56 --> 00:11:59 slow down,
00:11:59 --> 00:12:01 receive what the person receive the
00:12:01 --> 00:12:04 information that is being presented
00:12:04 --> 00:12:07 and then X Y.
00:12:07 --> 00:12:10 What is causing these thoughts? How long
00:12:10 --> 00:12:12 have you had these thoughts?
00:12:12 --> 00:12:14 What how can I help you? What can we
00:12:14 --> 00:12:17 change in your reality to shift this
00:12:17 --> 00:12:19 perspective? You know, why don't you
00:12:19 --> 00:12:21 feel like you you want to be here
00:12:21 --> 00:12:23 anymore? So I think
00:12:23 --> 00:12:25 um just not
00:12:25 --> 00:12:27 even if they say it all the time, just
00:12:27 --> 00:12:28 still just slowing down, still being
00:12:28 --> 00:12:31 present because like she said it could
00:12:31 --> 00:12:33 they said it 30 times like the boy who
00:12:33 --> 00:12:35 cried wolf. But this could be the actual
00:12:35 --> 00:12:37 time that it happens. So just really
00:12:37 --> 00:12:39 just being empathetic with people when
00:12:39 --> 00:12:41 they whether you think that they're
00:12:41 --> 00:12:43 serious or not in all situations, just
00:12:43 --> 00:12:45 slow down and honor their feelings.
00:12:45 --> 00:12:48 >> Yeah, I would echo all of that. I um am
00:12:48 --> 00:12:49 a mental health first aid instructor. So
00:12:49 --> 00:12:52 just like with CPR first aid when you
00:12:52 --> 00:12:53 see someone in distress, you respond.
00:12:53 --> 00:12:56 And so there's a an acronym and A is for
00:12:56 --> 00:12:58 ask. So the first thing you do is you
00:12:58 --> 00:13:00 ask. You ask, you listen, you give
00:13:00 --> 00:13:02 assurance, you encourage them to find
00:13:02 --> 00:13:04 help, and you encourage them to talk to
00:13:04 --> 00:13:08 others. And so even if it's 31 32 times,
00:13:08 --> 00:13:10 I think the challenge we have is it
00:13:10 --> 00:13:12 doesn't matter how many times they say
00:13:12 --> 00:13:13 it. When someone mentions it, you
00:13:13 --> 00:13:16 provide the resources because the
00:13:16 --> 00:13:19 reality is the harsh reality is if and
00:13:19 --> 00:13:20 when someone makes up their mind to do
00:13:20 --> 00:13:23 anything, good, bad, or indifferent,
00:13:23 --> 00:13:24 they can do it. They will do it when
00:13:24 --> 00:13:27 they're ready. Um and it's our
00:13:27 --> 00:13:29 responsibility to continue to provide
00:13:29 --> 00:13:31 the resources. So if they said it over
00:13:31 --> 00:13:32 and over, you've given them the
00:13:32 --> 00:13:34 resources every single time. And I think
00:13:34 --> 00:13:35 we have to also think about our
00:13:35 --> 00:13:38 language. Um we talk about committing
00:13:38 --> 00:13:41 suicide instead of dying by suicide. You
00:13:41 --> 00:13:43 know, a successful attempt as if taking
00:13:43 --> 00:13:45 your life is a success. So just thinking
00:13:45 --> 00:13:47 about some of the language and creating
00:13:47 --> 00:13:48 an open space that they can continue to
00:13:48 --> 00:13:50 come to you because most people are in
00:13:50 --> 00:13:53 pain and they just really want somebody
00:13:53 --> 00:13:55 to listen. We don't want people and I
00:13:55 --> 00:13:57 say we because I I'm a suicide survivor.
00:13:57 --> 00:13:59 We don't want anybody telling us it's
00:13:59 --> 00:14:00 going to be better tomorrow. You
00:14:00 --> 00:14:02 mentioned that prayer about it do this.
00:14:02 --> 00:14:04 Usually you just want somebody to listen
00:14:04 --> 00:14:05 because you're tired of people telling
00:14:05 --> 00:14:07 you all the ways it's going to be
00:14:07 --> 00:14:09 better. You just got to keep living. You
00:14:09 --> 00:14:11 can't why I don't want to. And so just
00:14:11 --> 00:14:13 recognizing their pain and listening and
00:14:13 --> 00:14:15 really giving people space to express
00:14:15 --> 00:14:16 how they're of shutting them down and
00:14:16 --> 00:14:18 trying to fix them and give them all
00:14:18 --> 00:14:19 these things to make it better.
00:14:19 --> 00:14:20 >> Correct.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:21 [gasps]
00:14:21 --> 00:14:24 Wonderful. I love your answers, uh but I
00:14:24 --> 00:14:25 still want to
00:14:25 --> 00:14:28 tackle this particular question from a
00:14:28 --> 00:14:31 parent perspective. As a mother or
00:14:31 --> 00:14:33 father cuz I think your answers is kind
00:14:33 --> 00:14:35 of like generalized, which is great.
00:14:35 --> 00:14:37 Everybody can use it, but as a parent,
00:14:37 --> 00:14:40 you have a son or a daughter who comes
00:14:40 --> 00:14:42 up to you and confides in you,
00:14:42 --> 00:14:46 what do you do or say? How do you handle
00:14:46 --> 00:14:48 that being that this is your child
00:14:48 --> 00:14:49 talking about that you gave birth to
00:14:50 --> 00:14:52 starting to leave, wants to leave?
00:14:52 --> 00:14:53 How do you handle that?
00:14:53 --> 00:14:55 >> It's the same thing. You listen. If your
00:14:55 --> 00:14:58 child comes to you and say, I don't I
00:14:58 --> 00:14:59 don't want to live anymore. Well, what's
00:14:59 --> 00:15:01 going on? You know? Give them them the
00:15:01 --> 00:15:03 space, asking the questions so that they
00:15:03 --> 00:15:06 can talk instead of hushing them. Oh,
00:15:06 --> 00:15:07 you're just going to be You're just a
00:15:07 --> 00:15:09 kid. You don't Kids got some heavy stuff
00:15:09 --> 00:15:09 [laughter] going on.
00:15:09 --> 00:15:11 >> That. And listen to
00:15:11 --> 00:15:12 >> as a kid.
00:15:12 --> 00:15:15 >> Listen to understand, not to respond.
00:15:15 --> 00:15:20 Even from a parent perspective,
00:15:20 --> 00:15:24 too often parent knows best and they
00:15:24 --> 00:15:26 don't honor child's perspective. You
00:15:26 --> 00:15:29 have to listen to them. Even if you are
00:15:29 --> 00:15:31 not in agreement with what they're
00:15:31 --> 00:15:33 saying or what they their reality is,
00:15:34 --> 00:15:35 even how you whatever your personal
00:15:35 --> 00:15:37 feelings are, you still have to validate
00:15:37 --> 00:15:40 their experience and their feelings and
00:15:40 --> 00:15:41 slow down and really hear what they're
00:15:41 --> 00:15:44 saying. Put yourself aside because from
00:15:44 --> 00:15:46 a parent perspective,
00:15:46 --> 00:15:48 you could be hearing
00:15:48 --> 00:15:50 I'm not doing enough. I'm not taking
00:15:50 --> 00:15:52 care of you. I'm not showing up. I'm not
00:15:52 --> 00:15:54 loving you. And you know, that's where
00:15:54 --> 00:15:57 your guilt arises, but it's it's not
00:15:57 --> 00:15:59 about you. It's about them and their
00:15:59 --> 00:16:02 experience. So just slowing down again,
00:16:02 --> 00:16:04 asking the necessary questions, asking
00:16:04 --> 00:16:07 them, how can I help you? You know, um
00:16:07 --> 00:16:09 what is the cause of this? How long have
00:16:09 --> 00:16:12 you been feeling like this? Because
00:16:12 --> 00:16:13 [laughter] there is it's a situation.
00:16:13 --> 00:16:14 Something occurred.
00:16:14 --> 00:16:15 >> Yes.
00:16:15 --> 00:16:18 >> Somewhere, at some point, something
00:16:18 --> 00:16:19 happened.
00:16:19 --> 00:16:21 And that's what
00:16:21 --> 00:16:23 we we have to unpack. Like, we have to
00:16:23 --> 00:16:25 unravel it. We have to see what's what's
00:16:25 --> 00:16:27 really going on. What are you not
00:16:27 --> 00:16:28 talking about?
00:16:28 --> 00:16:29 >> Yeah.
00:16:29 --> 00:16:31 I like I'm sorry. I like that you said
00:16:31 --> 00:16:33 not to take it personal cuz I will tell
00:16:33 --> 00:16:35 you from personal experience having my
00:16:35 --> 00:16:38 child approach me with this
00:16:38 --> 00:16:40 and initially I'm like, I love you.
00:16:40 --> 00:16:42 Like, don't leave us.
00:16:42 --> 00:16:43 And it's really not about It was never
00:16:43 --> 00:16:46 about me. It was about those feelings
00:16:46 --> 00:16:48 that she was having. And I'm like, well,
00:16:48 --> 00:16:49 what are we going to do without you?
00:16:50 --> 00:16:51 They don't really care, honestly. They
00:16:52 --> 00:16:54 They're experiencing pain. And people
00:16:54 --> 00:16:57 tend to make it about everybody else
00:16:57 --> 00:16:59 except and not about the person who's
00:16:59 --> 00:17:00 actually experiencing it. So I really
00:17:00 --> 00:17:02 like that not taking it personal and
00:17:02 --> 00:17:03 finding out what's going on with them
00:17:03 --> 00:17:05 instead of making it about you. It's
00:17:05 --> 00:17:06 hard to do that.
00:17:06 --> 00:17:07 >> Yeah, pull yourself out of this out of
00:17:07 --> 00:17:09 their situation and find out what their
00:17:09 --> 00:17:11 issue is that they have going on.
00:17:11 --> 00:17:13 >> And realistically realistically
00:17:13 --> 00:17:16 speaking, a lot of times when something
00:17:16 --> 00:17:19 or a topic like this arises in a home,
00:17:19 --> 00:17:22 um the parent are not experts.
00:17:22 --> 00:17:24 Number one, this could probably be their
00:17:24 --> 00:17:25 very first time hearing somebody
00:17:25 --> 00:17:27 approach them with that. They don't know
00:17:27 --> 00:17:29 how to have this conversation. So what
00:17:29 --> 00:17:31 do you say to those parents that uh cuz
00:17:32 --> 00:17:34 I've And And I And I And I wanted to
00:17:34 --> 00:17:37 make this um point because I had a
00:17:37 --> 00:17:39 friend that was struggling with her son.
00:17:40 --> 00:17:42 Um he had mental health issues, you
00:17:42 --> 00:17:43 know, but
00:17:43 --> 00:17:46 she kept living in denial, you know,
00:17:46 --> 00:17:48 trying to not deal with the underlying
00:17:48 --> 00:17:50 issue, just thinking that, oh, he's just
00:17:50 --> 00:17:52 stubborn. He's just hyper. He's just
00:17:52 --> 00:17:54 this. He's just that.
00:17:54 --> 00:17:57 When I evaluated her thoroughly from,
00:17:57 --> 00:17:58 you know, a friend's perspective and
00:17:58 --> 00:18:01 also like just what I know, I realized
00:18:01 --> 00:18:05 that she herself did not understand what
00:18:05 --> 00:18:07 he's going through.
00:18:07 --> 00:18:09 Now, in order for her to be able to help
00:18:09 --> 00:18:11 her, she has to get help first.
00:18:11 --> 00:18:13 >> herself. Absolutely.
00:18:13 --> 00:18:13 >> [laughter]
00:18:13 --> 00:18:15 >> So you know what I'm saying? So I feel
00:18:15 --> 00:18:19 like sometimes when we have situations
00:18:19 --> 00:18:22 like this as a parent um and your first
00:18:22 --> 00:18:23 time hearing it, you don't know what to
00:18:23 --> 00:18:25 do, you don't know what to say. Yes, you
00:18:25 --> 00:18:27 can call your mother, you can call your
00:18:27 --> 00:18:28 brother, you can call your neighbor,
00:18:28 --> 00:18:30 your friend can call advisor and tell
00:18:30 --> 00:18:31 them, hey, this is what my child said. I
00:18:31 --> 00:18:32 don't know what to do.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:32 >> Yeah.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:32 >> Mhm.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:35 >> But never be shy to seek professional
00:18:35 --> 00:18:36 help.
00:18:36 --> 00:18:38 At that point, like sometimes you need
00:18:38 --> 00:18:40 people who have studied this
00:18:40 --> 00:18:42 scientifically,
00:18:42 --> 00:18:45 socially, morally to be able to guide
00:18:45 --> 00:18:46 you and walk you through it. So speak on
00:18:47 --> 00:18:47 that a little bit.
00:18:48 --> 00:18:50 >> I think resources is the biggest thing I
00:18:50 --> 00:18:52 will tell you because again, as a parent
00:18:52 --> 00:18:53 who's walked this journey,
00:18:54 --> 00:18:57 you feel embarrassed, you feel shameful,
00:18:57 --> 00:18:58 you feel guilty. You talked about the
00:18:58 --> 00:19:00 guilt of maybe not providing for this
00:19:00 --> 00:19:03 child. And it also if we don't
00:19:03 --> 00:19:05 understand, it can also wrestle up some
00:19:05 --> 00:19:06 stuff within you.
00:19:06 --> 00:19:07 >> Mhm.
00:19:07 --> 00:19:08 >> That you're not ready to deal with.
00:19:08 --> 00:19:10 >> about you and not about the child and
00:19:10 --> 00:19:11 what they're dealing with. So I think I
00:19:12 --> 00:19:14 know NAMI is an excellent resource. The
00:19:14 --> 00:19:15 National Alliance for Mental Illness,
00:19:16 --> 00:19:17 they have family-to-family groups, they
00:19:17 --> 00:19:19 have peer support groups, they have a
00:19:19 --> 00:19:21 group for everything. So if you have a
00:19:21 --> 00:19:23 son, if you have a daughter, if you you
00:19:23 --> 00:19:25 know, you have an adolescent and they
00:19:25 --> 00:19:27 have So definitely reaching out to
00:19:27 --> 00:19:29 resources and getting with other parents
00:19:29 --> 00:19:31 and professionals that experience it
00:19:31 --> 00:19:32 because
00:19:32 --> 00:19:32 >> Mhm.
00:19:32 --> 00:19:34 >> the worst things we can do is isolate.
00:19:34 --> 00:19:35 >> Mhm.
00:19:35 --> 00:19:37 >> Community. Yes, yes, yes.
00:19:37 --> 00:19:39 >> think it's only me, I can't tell nobody,
00:19:39 --> 00:19:41 but there's a lot of only me's and
00:19:41 --> 00:19:42 there's a lot of people dealing with it.
00:19:42 --> 00:19:44 And so being able to get into support
00:19:44 --> 00:19:46 groups and be around professionals that
00:19:46 --> 00:19:49 can help work help walk you through this
00:19:49 --> 00:19:50 is important. But getting help
00:19:50 --> 00:19:51 immediately, even if you don't
00:19:52 --> 00:19:54 understand, calling the pediatrician,
00:19:54 --> 00:19:54 >> Mhm.
00:19:54 --> 00:19:56 >> calling taking them to the hospital.
00:19:56 --> 00:19:58 Don't be afraid to take them to the
00:19:58 --> 00:19:59 hospital.
00:19:59 --> 00:19:59 >> Mhm.
00:19:59 --> 00:20:01 >> They'll evaluate them and go from there.
00:20:01 --> 00:20:02 You The biggest thing is you want them
00:20:02 --> 00:20:02 safe.
00:20:03 --> 00:20:03 >> Mhm.
00:20:03 --> 00:20:05 >> That's the first Safety is first. Get
00:20:05 --> 00:20:07 them to a hospital so they can be safe
00:20:07 --> 00:20:08 and then all the other things can be
00:20:08 --> 00:20:10 evaluated because if you go to sleep or
00:20:10 --> 00:20:11 you walk away, like we don't know what's
00:20:11 --> 00:20:12 going to happen.
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15 >> Okay. That was awesome. Uh talking about
00:20:15 --> 00:20:17 safe safe space, let's talk about
00:20:17 --> 00:20:19 confidentiality, right? And somebody
00:20:19 --> 00:20:21 comes up to you and tells you and says,
00:20:21 --> 00:20:22 hey, I don't want you to tell anybody,
00:20:22 --> 00:20:24 but you know that they're in imminent
00:20:24 --> 00:20:26 danger at that point in time, what do
00:20:26 --> 00:20:29 you do? How do you handle that? Do you
00:20:29 --> 00:20:31 keep it private because you want to
00:20:31 --> 00:20:33 maintain that relationship that, you
00:20:33 --> 00:20:35 know, or do you go
00:20:35 --> 00:20:38 against their wishes or desire?
00:20:38 --> 00:20:40 >> person, you know, I can't
00:20:40 --> 00:20:42 help you in this instance, but I know
00:20:42 --> 00:20:44 somebody that can or I know like you
00:20:44 --> 00:20:45 said the you know support groups or
00:20:45 --> 00:20:47 somebody that can. If you want to just
00:20:47 --> 00:20:48 go to the support group just sit and
00:20:48 --> 00:20:49 listen you don't have to speak or
00:20:49 --> 00:20:51 anything. That's what we do uh with
00:20:51 --> 00:20:54 pushing through ink. Uh we allow you to
00:20:54 --> 00:20:55 just come in and just listen and if you
00:20:55 --> 00:20:56 want to share your story you can share
00:20:57 --> 00:20:58 your story. But again like she said, you
00:20:58 --> 00:21:00 know, with the resources and things if
00:21:00 --> 00:21:02 it's somebody that you don't
00:21:02 --> 00:21:03 I mean if if there's a way that you
00:21:03 --> 00:21:06 can't help them I know somebody who can
00:21:06 --> 00:21:09 help you am I, you know, allowed to you
00:21:09 --> 00:21:11 know speak to this person on your behalf
00:21:11 --> 00:21:13 to say hey you need some help maybe they
00:21:13 --> 00:21:14 can help you. So that's, you know, some
00:21:15 --> 00:21:16 of the things that you can also do and
00:21:16 --> 00:21:16 like she said, you know, the
00:21:16 --> 00:21:19 pediatrician the doctors and all of that
00:21:19 --> 00:21:20 you know to try to find some way to get
00:21:20 --> 00:21:21 some help.
00:21:21 --> 00:21:21 >> [gasps]
00:21:21 --> 00:21:23 >> The um
00:21:23 --> 00:21:26 to for me uh is that's a really
00:21:26 --> 00:21:28 between a rock and a hard place because
00:21:28 --> 00:21:31 you want to honor the person's
00:21:31 --> 00:21:34 um you know feelings and things um and
00:21:34 --> 00:21:37 you want to be respectful of what of
00:21:37 --> 00:21:39 what they're asking you, but at the same
00:21:39 --> 00:21:40 time
00:21:40 --> 00:21:42 um like I think about being a mandated
00:21:42 --> 00:21:43 reporter.
00:21:43 --> 00:21:46 If you see you have like you know like
00:21:46 --> 00:21:47 it's like
00:21:47 --> 00:21:48 okay what like
00:21:49 --> 00:21:50 >> Yeah, [laughter] you see something you
00:21:50 --> 00:21:50 SAY SOMETHING.
00:21:50 --> 00:21:52 >> YEAH.
00:21:52 --> 00:21:56 SO I would agree wholeheartedly with you
00:21:56 --> 00:21:58 because it's like okay I'm your safe
00:21:58 --> 00:22:00 space and I'm grateful that I'm able to
00:22:00 --> 00:22:03 be your safe space. So now I feel like I
00:22:03 --> 00:22:05 got to get in a little bit deeper. I got
00:22:05 --> 00:22:07 to really keep my eye on you but also
00:22:07 --> 00:22:09 provide you with the resources, help you
00:22:09 --> 00:22:12 continue to talk through it, help you,
00:22:12 --> 00:22:15 you know, get out of shift the energy.
00:22:15 --> 00:22:16 >> Yeah.
00:22:16 --> 00:22:18 >> know um
00:22:18 --> 00:22:21 but ultimately
00:22:21 --> 00:22:22 play it by ear. I think it's case by
00:22:22 --> 00:22:26 case and it depends on the extreme to
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28 which
00:22:28 --> 00:22:31 immediate the danger is, you know? And
00:22:31 --> 00:22:34 if you're in a space where you can help
00:22:34 --> 00:22:36 them, like you know, and you can shift
00:22:36 --> 00:22:38 it, then try to, you know, so that way
00:22:38 --> 00:22:39 you're not
00:22:39 --> 00:22:43 overstepping boundaries, but
00:22:43 --> 00:22:46 you might have to say to that person,
00:22:46 --> 00:22:50 you are putting me in a
00:22:50 --> 00:22:53 position that I can't be in because if
00:22:53 --> 00:22:55 you're telling me this information and I
00:22:55 --> 00:22:56 don't
00:22:56 --> 00:22:57 get you connect you with the necessary
00:22:57 --> 00:22:59 resource and then tomorrow you're not
00:22:59 --> 00:23:00 here, then I got to live with that
00:23:01 --> 00:23:01 guilt.
00:23:01 --> 00:23:02 >> That part.
00:23:02 --> 00:23:03 >> So don't do that to me.
00:23:03 --> 00:23:04 >> That Yeah.
00:23:04 --> 00:23:04 >> Yeah.
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06 >> My gosh. Hit the nail on the head.
00:23:06 --> 00:23:07 >> [laughter]
00:23:07 --> 00:23:09 >> I GOT EXPERIENCE.
00:23:09 --> 00:23:10 >> [screaming]
00:23:10 --> 00:23:11 >> YEAH, WE'RE GETTING READY TO DIVE INTO
00:23:11 --> 00:23:13 THAT. I WAS going to ask you guys if you
00:23:13 --> 00:23:14 don't mind sharing whoever feels
00:23:14 --> 00:23:16 comfortable sharing, have you been
00:23:16 --> 00:23:18 personally impacted or know someone who
00:23:18 --> 00:23:20 has died by suicide? And just whatever
00:23:20 --> 00:23:22 you feel comfortable sharing
00:23:22 --> 00:23:24 um is totally fine, however whatever
00:23:25 --> 00:23:26 extent you want to share because
00:23:26 --> 00:23:28 sometimes when we talk about topics like
00:23:28 --> 00:23:29 this, people think that, oh, you're just
00:23:29 --> 00:23:31 talking about it. You don't you don't
00:23:31 --> 00:23:32 know what it's like. Like you never been
00:23:32 --> 00:23:34 there. You You know what I'm saying?
00:23:34 --> 00:23:36 Like, you know, yeah. Just speak on it a
00:23:36 --> 00:23:38 little bit and then I might share a
00:23:38 --> 00:23:39 little bit here and [snorts] there
00:23:39 --> 00:23:40 because I've had
00:23:40 --> 00:23:41 >> My nephew, he took his life five years
00:23:41 --> 00:23:43 ago.
00:23:43 --> 00:23:45 Um he had given the warnings
00:23:45 --> 00:23:47 multiple times um through text messages,
00:23:48 --> 00:23:50 through phone um not through text
00:23:50 --> 00:23:52 messages and, you know, through um
00:23:52 --> 00:23:54 you know, conversations with
00:23:54 --> 00:23:55 >> Conversation.
00:23:55 --> 00:23:59 >> mostly his um
00:23:59 --> 00:24:01 girlfriend at the time, you know, he was
00:24:01 --> 00:24:02 letting her know, hey, I don't want to
00:24:02 --> 00:24:05 be here anymore. Um
00:24:05 --> 00:24:07 they had an argument.
00:24:07 --> 00:24:08 He's like, I don't want to be here. I
00:24:08 --> 00:24:08 don't want to be here. And then he
00:24:08 --> 00:24:10 finally took his life.
00:24:10 --> 00:24:12 So that's something that we experienced
00:24:12 --> 00:24:14 um personally.
00:24:14 --> 00:24:16 Um myself, I've had my own suicidal
00:24:16 --> 00:24:19 attempts um when I had the loss of my
00:24:19 --> 00:24:20 twins back in 2014.
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 >> I'm sorry to hear that.
00:24:21 --> 00:24:23 >> Thank you. Um so when I had that loss,
00:24:23 --> 00:24:25 it was that feeling at the bottom. They
00:24:25 --> 00:24:28 say it's like the bottom that pit.
00:24:28 --> 00:24:29 It was completely empty and unbearable
00:24:30 --> 00:24:31 to deal with. So that was one of the
00:24:31 --> 00:24:33 things I kept telling um the person that
00:24:33 --> 00:24:34 I was in a relationship with at the
00:24:34 --> 00:24:36 time, hey,
00:24:36 --> 00:24:37 I don't think I'm ready to take my life
00:24:37 --> 00:24:40 cuz I I can't take this.
00:24:40 --> 00:24:42 So um but I gave
00:24:42 --> 00:24:43 constant warnings and constant warnings
00:24:44 --> 00:24:45 and and
00:24:45 --> 00:24:46 when you get to the point where it's
00:24:46 --> 00:24:48 like, you know, okay, well I'm ready and
00:24:48 --> 00:24:50 then you do your attempt. I had already
00:24:50 --> 00:24:52 did the previous telling you multiple
00:24:52 --> 00:24:53 times
00:24:53 --> 00:24:53 >> Yeah.
00:24:53 --> 00:24:54 >> this is what I'm going through. I'm
00:24:54 --> 00:24:56 ready to take my life. I want to leave.
00:24:56 --> 00:24:57 I want to leave.
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59 So a lot of the times um some of us who
00:24:59 --> 00:25:01 have had either the attempts ourselves
00:25:01 --> 00:25:03 or know someone, they know ahead of time
00:25:03 --> 00:25:05 cuz they've heard it so many times
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06 before. But a lot of people don't
00:25:07 --> 00:25:08 believe that
00:25:08 --> 00:25:11 that's what happened, you know. So
00:25:11 --> 00:25:13 that's how it was with me, yeah.
00:25:13 --> 00:25:15 >> My experience
00:25:15 --> 00:25:19 is personal and um
00:25:19 --> 00:25:21 like like personal all the way around.
00:25:21 --> 00:25:24 So I I have never like really spoken on
00:25:24 --> 00:25:26 it. My family doesn't even know so sorry
00:25:26 --> 00:25:27 y'all but [laughter]
00:25:27 --> 00:25:29 I am also a survivor. Um as I was
00:25:29 --> 00:25:32 preparing for this um
00:25:32 --> 00:25:34 for this
00:25:34 --> 00:25:36 podcast, I was confiding in my sister
00:25:36 --> 00:25:37 about it and she's like, what?
00:25:37 --> 00:25:38 [laughter]
00:25:38 --> 00:25:40 Like you know, she never
00:25:40 --> 00:25:43 she never even knew but too often people
00:25:43 --> 00:25:45 are going through things
00:25:45 --> 00:25:47 um and they don't know. And my attempt
00:25:47 --> 00:25:51 was during my adolescent years um
00:25:51 --> 00:25:53 and it was just life. Like, you know, it
00:25:53 --> 00:25:55 wasn't anything particular. I don't feel
00:25:55 --> 00:25:56 like I remember at the time but it was
00:25:56 --> 00:25:58 just like the pressures of life and I
00:25:58 --> 00:26:00 just And I experienced it at different
00:26:01 --> 00:26:03 points in my journey. Um I was engaged
00:26:03 --> 00:26:05 when I was 25 years old and
00:26:05 --> 00:26:07 unfortunately uh my fiance did pass
00:26:07 --> 00:26:10 away. It wasn't due to suicide but he
00:26:10 --> 00:26:12 had uh struggled with mental health
00:26:13 --> 00:26:16 issues and I won't go too deep into his
00:26:16 --> 00:26:18 personal journey and story but um I'll
00:26:18 --> 00:26:19 just say
00:26:19 --> 00:26:22 um
00:26:22 --> 00:26:24 when you are in a situation where you're
00:26:24 --> 00:26:26 dealing with somebody who's um like
00:26:26 --> 00:26:29 experiencing that, it's so hard not to
00:26:29 --> 00:26:31 take it personal. It's so so hard to
00:26:31 --> 00:26:34 take a step back and and say okay,
00:26:34 --> 00:26:36 despite whatever I'm feeling right now,
00:26:36 --> 00:26:38 I need to help you.
00:26:38 --> 00:26:39 >> Correct.
00:26:39 --> 00:26:42 >> And um I unfortunately had to be with
00:26:42 --> 00:26:44 him in the middle of the night on the
00:26:44 --> 00:26:46 suicide prevention lines and different
00:26:46 --> 00:26:48 things like that. Um
00:26:48 --> 00:26:49 but I'm grateful
00:26:49 --> 00:26:51 for his life and his example and you
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53 know that journey because it does help
00:26:54 --> 00:26:55 me understand
00:26:55 --> 00:26:58 understand it a lot more and just really
00:26:59 --> 00:27:01 empathize in the fact that
00:27:01 --> 00:27:03 if you're having mental health, you need
00:27:03 --> 00:27:06 to get you some help.
00:27:06 --> 00:27:08 >> Wow. Um
00:27:08 --> 00:27:11 I also have experience both personally
00:27:11 --> 00:27:14 um and professionally and I think
00:27:14 --> 00:27:17 it's hard. Um much like Sharise, I
00:27:17 --> 00:27:19 experienced the loss of my daughter and
00:27:19 --> 00:27:20 I think
00:27:20 --> 00:27:22 that was the second time that I had an
00:27:22 --> 00:27:23 attempt to take my life. My first
00:27:23 --> 00:27:25 attempt was also as an adolescent. I was
00:27:25 --> 00:27:27 13.
00:27:27 --> 00:27:29 Um and I think about the first time I
00:27:29 --> 00:27:31 didn't tell anybody. I just did what I
00:27:31 --> 00:27:33 was going to do. I went to sleep
00:27:33 --> 00:27:34 thinking that I wasn't going to wake up
00:27:34 --> 00:27:35 the next and I woke up and I went to
00:27:35 --> 00:27:37 school and I did everything else. My mom
00:27:37 --> 00:27:38 didn't know.
00:27:38 --> 00:27:40 She didn't even know later [laughter]
00:27:40 --> 00:27:41 you know that that's what I did. She had
00:27:41 --> 00:27:43 no you know sometimes it's loud,
00:27:43 --> 00:27:45 sometimes it's silent.
00:27:45 --> 00:27:47 Um and then when I lost my daughter I I
00:27:47 --> 00:27:49 felt that same feeling and I think for
00:27:49 --> 00:27:52 me the loss of my daughter that I think
00:27:52 --> 00:27:53 there is a case that's being
00:27:54 --> 00:27:55 highlighted. I don't want to get into it
00:27:55 --> 00:27:57 because I have mixed feelings about it
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59 right now.
00:27:59 --> 00:28:01 Um but there's been many women who have
00:28:01 --> 00:28:03 suffered from postpartum psychosis. And
00:28:04 --> 00:28:06 I think um for me personally the
00:28:06 --> 00:28:08 misconception is if you don't have a
00:28:08 --> 00:28:10 baby then you don't have postpartum
00:28:10 --> 00:28:12 which is very far from the truth. And I
00:28:12 --> 00:28:14 know that after losing my daughter I
00:28:14 --> 00:28:17 suffered with postpartum depression. And
00:28:17 --> 00:28:19 that's what led to that attempt. Um and
00:28:19 --> 00:28:21 there's been I have had family members
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22 and as I think back as the ladies were
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25 talking I was trying to think back
00:28:25 --> 00:28:29 one was situational. Um he took his life
00:28:29 --> 00:28:31 and in jail and it was just it was too
00:28:31 --> 00:28:33 much. The depression was too much. And
00:28:33 --> 00:28:35 then another one was a fact that was
00:28:35 --> 00:28:38 bullying. You talked about homophobic
00:28:38 --> 00:28:40 and you know gender affirming like
00:28:40 --> 00:28:42 that she struggled with that and was not
00:28:42 --> 00:28:44 able to
00:28:44 --> 00:28:46 navigate that and and took her life. And
00:28:46 --> 00:28:47 so it's just
00:28:47 --> 00:28:50 it's hard, it's heavy and I think
00:28:50 --> 00:28:52 my own personal experience and the folks
00:28:52 --> 00:28:53 that my family and the people that I
00:28:53 --> 00:28:56 work with it's it's the pain like it's
00:28:56 --> 00:28:59 just deep emotional pain that you just
00:28:59 --> 00:29:00 want to go away.
00:29:00 --> 00:29:01 And it's like how else do
00:29:01 --> 00:29:02 [clears throat] you stop it? It's not
00:29:02 --> 00:29:04 right, it's not wrong, it's a decision
00:29:04 --> 00:29:06 that people make but it's like how else
00:29:06 --> 00:29:08 do you stop it? There's no Tylenol,
00:29:08 --> 00:29:10 there's no nothing. It's like what do I
00:29:10 --> 00:29:13 do to stop this pain? And you mentioned
00:29:13 --> 00:29:15 impulse and usually it's like this is
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16 the only way I know how to stop it. So
00:29:16 --> 00:29:18 really getting help and trying to be
00:29:18 --> 00:29:20 open and share with people how you're
00:29:20 --> 00:29:23 feeling as hard as it is, share with
00:29:23 --> 00:29:24 people and don't be scared you asked
00:29:24 --> 00:29:27 about the confidentiality. I'm telling.
00:29:27 --> 00:29:28 I'm telling because and I'm going to
00:29:28 --> 00:29:30 tell you I'm going TO TELL YOU
00:29:30 --> 00:29:31 [laughter]
00:29:31 --> 00:29:32 I'M GOING TO SAY LISTEN,
00:29:32 --> 00:29:34 EITHER WE CAN GO TOGETHER OR I'M going
00:29:34 --> 00:29:36 but I'm telling. And so I need the
00:29:36 --> 00:29:38 person to know that and I'm loving and
00:29:38 --> 00:29:40 I'm compassionate enough to hold your
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41 hand while I go and tell and get you the
00:29:41 --> 00:29:44 help but I'm not going to like oh no,
00:29:44 --> 00:29:46 I'm not saying nothing even if it's you
00:29:46 --> 00:29:48 know what people say oh they're just
00:29:48 --> 00:29:50 saying it. Well somebody going to know
00:29:50 --> 00:29:51 how many times you just said it because
00:29:51 --> 00:29:53 I'm telling. And so I think it's
00:29:53 --> 00:29:54 important that you know and that we
00:29:54 --> 00:29:56 acknowledge that because
00:29:56 --> 00:29:59 if you don't tell or you don't share
00:29:59 --> 00:30:02 then it becomes a thing where sometimes
00:30:02 --> 00:30:05 people do I won't say use it but
00:30:05 --> 00:30:07 sometimes I mean it's the reality.
00:30:07 --> 00:30:09 People have needs that want to be met
00:30:09 --> 00:30:10 and they can manipulate situations to
00:30:10 --> 00:30:12 get certain needs met. So it become it
00:30:12 --> 00:30:13 can become a tool for someone who
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15 doesn't have that many tools in their
00:30:15 --> 00:30:17 coping box, right? And so you want to
00:30:17 --> 00:30:19 let them know I take this serious and
00:30:19 --> 00:30:20 when you tell me we going to take this
00:30:20 --> 00:30:23 serious. So if you really need help I'm
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24 going to get you help. If you don't
00:30:24 --> 00:30:26 really need help or you just having this
00:30:26 --> 00:30:27 or that and you're trying to get some
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28 attention that's why I called you to get
00:30:28 --> 00:30:29 the attention and this is the route we
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30 going to do it.
00:30:30 --> 00:30:32 >> That's right. That's right.
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33 Um thank you so much for sharing that
00:30:33 --> 00:30:36 and my condolences you know for the
00:30:36 --> 00:30:38 losses of people you guys mentioned and
00:30:38 --> 00:30:40 my heart really goes out to you guys for
00:30:40 --> 00:30:42 that. Uh I wanted to piggy bank on
00:30:42 --> 00:30:45 something you said. You mentioned that
00:30:45 --> 00:30:47 when you told your sister that about the
00:30:47 --> 00:30:50 conversation, she was shocked, right?
00:30:50 --> 00:30:52 Do you know why is Was she shocked
00:30:52 --> 00:30:55 because you're always so bubbly, so
00:30:55 --> 00:30:57 full of life and so energetic that
00:30:57 --> 00:30:59 someone couldn't have guessed? And I'm
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00 I'm asking this question because I want
00:31:00 --> 00:31:03 to delve into those people that you just
00:31:03 --> 00:31:05 find out that they've committed suicide
00:31:05 --> 00:31:07 and you're like, I never saw the sign.
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09 You look perfect. He was great. She was
00:31:09 --> 00:31:11 great. So speak from that place if you
00:31:11 --> 00:31:11 don't mind.
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12 >> I will.
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 >> Thank you.
00:31:13 --> 00:31:14 >> Because I do feel like I'm one of those
00:31:14 --> 00:31:17 people who um experienced mental health,
00:31:17 --> 00:31:19 but by looking at me, you would never
00:31:19 --> 00:31:21 know because I just carry it so so well.
00:31:21 --> 00:31:24 >> life, yeah.
00:31:24 --> 00:31:27 >> She was shocked because she she she was
00:31:27 --> 00:31:29 just like, what would I have done?
00:31:29 --> 00:31:30 [laughter]
00:31:30 --> 00:31:32 Like girl, I I need you. Like you're my
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33 sugar. [screaming]
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35 She was like, thank God that that wasn't
00:31:35 --> 00:31:38 the the the situation. Yeah, you know,
00:31:38 --> 00:31:40 um
00:31:40 --> 00:31:41 but yeah, she was definitely shocked.
00:31:41 --> 00:31:44 And um like I said, I never my like my
00:31:44 --> 00:31:46 mom she she that's not something that I
00:31:46 --> 00:31:49 really uh shared with her. I don't think
00:31:49 --> 00:31:51 I've personally
00:31:51 --> 00:31:53 allowed myself to be vulnerable to
00:31:53 --> 00:31:56 really speak on my own mental health
00:31:56 --> 00:31:58 issues and just a lot of the things that
00:31:58 --> 00:32:02 I deal with on a personal level. Um but
00:32:02 --> 00:32:04 depression is real and anxiety is real
00:32:04 --> 00:32:06 and it's something that I've been
00:32:06 --> 00:32:08 dealing with since a child.
00:32:08 --> 00:32:09 >> Mhm.
00:32:09 --> 00:32:11 >> And I don't confide in people because I
00:32:11 --> 00:32:13 do believe in like and not because I
00:32:13 --> 00:32:14 don't Like some people I talk to my
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15 friends and stuff.
00:32:15 --> 00:32:17 Um unfortunately I did go through a
00:32:17 --> 00:32:19 situation at the beginning of this year
00:32:19 --> 00:32:22 that forced me to go to therapy. So
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23 so go get therapy y'all when it when it
00:32:23 --> 00:32:25 get too much, y'all got to do the thing.
00:32:25 --> 00:32:28 But um
00:32:28 --> 00:32:30 yeah, I'm one of those people who just
00:32:30 --> 00:32:31 are smiling. I am always encouraging
00:32:31 --> 00:32:33 people, always trying to help people,
00:32:33 --> 00:32:35 help everybody else. So yeah, it was
00:32:35 --> 00:32:37 surprising. They like, girl, you got to
00:32:37 --> 00:32:38 get your life together.
00:32:38 --> 00:32:38 >> you're
00:32:38 --> 00:32:39 >> like the
00:32:39 --> 00:32:41 the answer to everybody's crying. I know
00:32:41 --> 00:32:42 people don't know that you actually
00:32:42 --> 00:32:44 crying on the inside also.
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45 >> yes.
00:32:45 --> 00:32:48 >> You know, and that brings us to
00:32:48 --> 00:32:50 I hate this word. I love it and I hate
00:32:50 --> 00:32:52 it, right? Strong black woman.
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53 Right?
00:32:53 --> 00:32:55 Um how can we create a culture where
00:32:55 --> 00:32:58 black mothers feel safe saying I need
00:32:58 --> 00:33:00 help when we're always saying this? Oh,
00:33:00 --> 00:33:01 she got it.
00:33:01 --> 00:33:01 >> Okay.
00:33:01 --> 00:33:05 >> Especially as black women um and that
00:33:05 --> 00:33:07 terminology like it's so embedded in us.
00:33:07 --> 00:33:09 I freaking hate it. But sometimes I want
00:33:09 --> 00:33:10 to be like yeah, I'm a strong black
00:33:10 --> 00:33:12 woman. I got that. You know what I'm
00:33:12 --> 00:33:12 saying?
00:33:12 --> 00:33:13 >> I think again like you said, [laughter]
00:33:13 --> 00:33:16 it's the resources. It's and that keeps
00:33:16 --> 00:33:18 keeps being um the thing is the
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19 resources because
00:33:19 --> 00:33:23 um a lot of people um
00:33:23 --> 00:33:24 need somebody to talk to. They need
00:33:24 --> 00:33:26 support. They need help. I'm in a lot of
00:33:26 --> 00:33:29 the mom groups and
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30 a lot of women are crying out for help.
00:33:30 --> 00:33:32 And we're like okay, you know,
00:33:32 --> 00:33:33 especially with my organization, what
00:33:33 --> 00:33:37 can we do to support of course the moms
00:33:37 --> 00:33:40 that are going through rough times?
00:33:40 --> 00:33:42 And a lot of them is I don't have a
00:33:42 --> 00:33:44 babysitter. I can't get out. Okay. So
00:33:44 --> 00:33:46 when you come in and you want to have a
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47 conversation amongst just us, then you
00:33:47 --> 00:33:50 can bring your kids as well to be off,
00:33:50 --> 00:33:51 you know, to the side with one of our
00:33:51 --> 00:33:53 other um volunteers or
00:33:53 --> 00:33:54 uh board members
00:33:54 --> 00:33:55 >> Good.
00:33:55 --> 00:33:57 >> to take care of the kids, but we want to
00:33:57 --> 00:33:58 be able to still
00:33:58 --> 00:34:01 allow them to say this is what I have
00:34:01 --> 00:34:02 going on. This is what I need help with
00:34:02 --> 00:34:04 so that way we can help. It's a lot of
00:34:04 --> 00:34:06 mothers that are always in these groups
00:34:06 --> 00:34:09 that are always asking for um food.
00:34:09 --> 00:34:11 Um they don't know where to get the food
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 from, how they can get the food, you
00:34:12 --> 00:34:15 know, um clothing, schools. You know,
00:34:15 --> 00:34:17 school just started, you know, not long
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18 ago. Everybody needs help of course with
00:34:18 --> 00:34:20 the book bags, but what about the
00:34:20 --> 00:34:23 clothing and things? Um shoes, all of
00:34:23 --> 00:34:26 that. So I think creating a space for a
00:34:26 --> 00:34:31 lot of the mothers to come in and just
00:34:31 --> 00:34:33 take it all off
00:34:33 --> 00:34:34 >> Mhm.
00:34:34 --> 00:34:36 >> and and be present.
00:34:36 --> 00:34:38 >> I think what is really encouraging when
00:34:38 --> 00:34:40 we speak up ourselves, like when we talk
00:34:40 --> 00:34:42 about our own stories and we share our
00:34:42 --> 00:34:44 own stories, it allows people to feel
00:34:44 --> 00:34:46 safe enough to speak their to speak
00:34:46 --> 00:34:50 their truth and be vulnerable. And um
00:34:50 --> 00:34:52 you know, just letting people know like
00:34:52 --> 00:34:54 you know, just like really just being
00:34:54 --> 00:34:55 empathetic like it's okay. Life get
00:34:55 --> 00:34:56 hard.
00:34:56 --> 00:34:58 >> Yeah, be vulnerable.
00:34:58 --> 00:35:00 Listen. But baby, you ain't got to carry
00:35:00 --> 00:35:02 it alone. We can carry some of this
00:35:02 --> 00:35:04 together, you know. Like
00:35:04 --> 00:35:05 You make a good point there cuz like I
00:35:05 --> 00:35:06 was just telling you earlier, I was
00:35:06 --> 00:35:08 mentioning the fact that I told someone
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09 that I'm in therapy. Like I go to
00:35:09 --> 00:35:11 therapy. Like I see my therapist twice a
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12 month. And she was like she was like,
00:35:12 --> 00:35:14 Liz, what are you doing? Liz, you're so
00:35:14 --> 00:35:15 bubbly. Like you're so full of life.
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 What are you doing seeing therapist? I
00:35:16 --> 00:35:18 was like, honey.
00:35:18 --> 00:35:19 >> [laughter]
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 >> They always say check on your strong
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21 friends.
00:35:21 --> 00:35:23 >> That part. Yeah.
00:35:23 --> 00:35:25 Yeah. So very important that therapy is
00:35:25 --> 00:35:27 so important. Also, let's just remember
00:35:27 --> 00:35:29 that when we talk about
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30 talk
00:35:30 --> 00:35:33 Let's not just focus on listening,
00:35:33 --> 00:35:34 right?
00:35:34 --> 00:35:36 Cuz these are issues that people are
00:35:36 --> 00:35:39 dealing with that are entangled in it.
00:35:39 --> 00:35:42 And those issues have to be resolved,
00:35:42 --> 00:35:45 right? For them to feel better. So like
00:35:45 --> 00:35:47 just listening is not enough, but taking
00:35:47 --> 00:35:49 the actual step to also get them the
00:35:49 --> 00:35:50 help they need about those situation
00:35:50 --> 00:35:52 that they're talking about. Cuz I
00:35:52 --> 00:35:53 remember very I will never forget the
00:35:53 --> 00:35:56 very first time I attended therapy.
00:35:56 --> 00:35:58 Um after going through all my spill and
00:35:58 --> 00:35:59 everything I think my first or my second
00:35:59 --> 00:36:02 or third um appointment, she was like,
00:36:02 --> 00:36:03 yes, Liz, I think we're going to
00:36:03 --> 00:36:05 prescribe you this medication, that
00:36:05 --> 00:36:06 medication.
00:36:06 --> 00:36:08 And she was like and I was like, okay,
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 great.
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10 What's that going to do again?
00:36:10 --> 00:36:12 [laughter]
00:36:12 --> 00:36:14 LIZ, I KNOW LIZ, I
00:36:14 --> 00:36:16 I MEAN YOU YOU GOING TO GIVE ME THIS
00:36:16 --> 00:36:17 MEDICATION WHAT TO PUT ME TO SLEEP THAT
00:36:17 --> 00:36:19 I'M GOING TO WAKE UP?
00:36:19 --> 00:36:21 HONEY, I already take Unisom TO SLEEP
00:36:21 --> 00:36:24 EVERY NIGHT. Let's not forget that. So
00:36:24 --> 00:36:26 it's all about you know
00:36:26 --> 00:36:29 being an active listener and also trying
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31 to find solutions or resolutions for
00:36:31 --> 00:36:33 those things that are actually putting
00:36:33 --> 00:36:35 them in a position to want to kill
00:36:35 --> 00:36:37 themselves or commit suicide.
00:36:37 --> 00:36:38 You know?
00:36:38 --> 00:36:40 Um and also I want to speak a little bit
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 on and then we're about to wrap up,
00:36:41 --> 00:36:43 guys. Sorry. Um but I really want to
00:36:43 --> 00:36:45 touch this topic.
00:36:45 --> 00:36:46 Faith.
00:36:46 --> 00:36:47 >> Mhm. Mhm.
00:36:47 --> 00:36:47 >> Um.
00:36:47 --> 00:36:48 >> I think that's important that we bring
00:36:48 --> 00:36:49 that up.
00:36:49 --> 00:36:52 >> Yeah. How should we or how has uh
00:36:52 --> 00:36:56 culture faith prevented people from
00:36:56 --> 00:36:58 asking for help in reality, especially
00:36:58 --> 00:37:00 like faith, guys?
00:37:00 --> 00:37:02 You know, it's so easy to say pray about
00:37:02 --> 00:37:05 it. And especially with churches, a lot
00:37:05 --> 00:37:07 of time like it's so easy. Put it on
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08 God.
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 >> Mhm. A lot of us don't want to be
00:37:09 --> 00:37:10 judged.
00:37:10 --> 00:37:12 >> Yeah. So let's talk about it. So
00:37:12 --> 00:37:14 >> have various experiences, especially in
00:37:14 --> 00:37:16 the LGBT community where you're being
00:37:16 --> 00:37:17 judged.
00:37:17 --> 00:37:17 >> Oh God.
00:37:17 --> 00:37:19 >> A lot. Um, so a lot of people in the
00:37:19 --> 00:37:22 LGBT community don't go to church sadly.
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23 >> Mhm.
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 >> but I know for me, like I said, with my
00:37:24 --> 00:37:26 situation, when I had my loss, I was
00:37:26 --> 00:37:27 like, okay, I don't lost all my faith in
00:37:27 --> 00:37:29 God because you knew I wanted to have
00:37:29 --> 00:37:31 another baby. Why would you do this to
00:37:31 --> 00:37:33 me? I did all of these things and then I
00:37:33 --> 00:37:35 had a friend that said, come to my
00:37:35 --> 00:37:36 church.
00:37:36 --> 00:37:36 >> Mhm.
00:37:36 --> 00:37:38 >> And I'm like, okay.
00:37:38 --> 00:37:40 Come to my church. Yeah, okay.
00:37:40 --> 00:37:41 But I also had a relative that would
00:37:41 --> 00:37:44 constantly send me scriptures and memes
00:37:44 --> 00:37:46 and all types of positive things to try
00:37:46 --> 00:37:49 to get me back into my faith.
00:37:49 --> 00:37:51 Um, once that happened, you know, I
00:37:51 --> 00:37:53 walked into the church one year to the
00:37:53 --> 00:37:55 day of me losing the twins.
00:37:55 --> 00:37:56 >> Mhm.
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57 >> And I was like, okay, I don't want us to
00:37:57 --> 00:37:59 sit here and cry all day. But every
00:37:59 --> 00:38:00 time, you know, the pastor says
00:38:00 --> 00:38:02 something, I'm like
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02 >> You're talking to me?
00:38:02 --> 00:38:03 >> He's talking to me.
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04 >> yeah.
00:38:04 --> 00:38:05 >> Sometimes you have [laughter] to
00:38:05 --> 00:38:06 sometimes you have to go get those
00:38:06 --> 00:38:08 messages because they be there. You know
00:38:08 --> 00:38:10 what I'm saying? Everything I needed and
00:38:10 --> 00:38:11 I stayed with that church the entire
00:38:11 --> 00:38:13 time because he gave me everything I
00:38:13 --> 00:38:14 needed at that moment.
00:38:14 --> 00:38:15 >> And I love that you mentioned that
00:38:15 --> 00:38:17 that's like When we do it, right?
00:38:17 --> 00:38:19 >> Yes, we will.
00:38:19 --> 00:38:20 >> I mean, I love that you mentioned that
00:38:20 --> 00:38:21 cuz recently like I was dealing with
00:38:21 --> 00:38:24 like fear. I had a I've had like, you
00:38:24 --> 00:38:25 know, series of things that happened and
00:38:25 --> 00:38:27 I just feel with just filled with this
00:38:27 --> 00:38:29 fear. When I say fear is evil, y'all.
00:38:29 --> 00:38:30 >> Mhm.
00:38:30 --> 00:38:32 >> You know, and I went to church last
00:38:32 --> 00:38:35 Sunday to be exact at my church, and the
00:38:35 --> 00:38:37 pastor preached about fear.
00:38:37 --> 00:38:38 >> Mhm.
00:38:38 --> 00:38:40 >> It was like he was like, Liz, COME HERE.
00:38:40 --> 00:38:42 SIT RIGHT HERE. LET me talk to you.
00:38:42 --> 00:38:42 >> Yeah.
00:38:42 --> 00:38:44 >> You know? Fear is stealing your joys.
00:38:44 --> 00:38:46 Fear is stealing who you need to be.
00:38:46 --> 00:38:47 Fear is still in the things you can do.
00:38:47 --> 00:38:49 You are worried about something you
00:38:49 --> 00:38:51 don't even know the outcome. Like try
00:38:51 --> 00:38:52 it. Have you tried it? Have you
00:38:52 --> 00:38:54 It was like, God, thank you, Jesus.
00:38:54 --> 00:38:56 >> See, and the part about that, like I
00:38:56 --> 00:38:58 said, when I had lost my faith and, you
00:38:58 --> 00:39:00 know, I was slowly gaining it back, it
00:39:00 --> 00:39:01 had got to the point where I was just
00:39:01 --> 00:39:03 like
00:39:03 --> 00:39:04 he's setting me up for something
00:39:04 --> 00:39:06 greater.
00:39:06 --> 00:39:08 And that ended up, you know, being, you
00:39:08 --> 00:39:09 know, being able to, you know, share my
00:39:09 --> 00:39:11 story, you know, to, you know, write the
00:39:11 --> 00:39:14 books and things that I have written. Um
00:39:14 --> 00:39:16 and then it got to the point where
00:39:16 --> 00:39:17 I just
00:39:17 --> 00:39:19 started tying it in, especially this
00:39:19 --> 00:39:21 year. I wanted to do this thing called
00:39:21 --> 00:39:22 the prayer and declaration that I do on
00:39:22 --> 00:39:26 my page all the time, just because um it
00:39:26 --> 00:39:27 might be somebody out there who may need
00:39:27 --> 00:39:29 that that prayer that I'm giving or that
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30 declaration because they're going
00:39:30 --> 00:39:32 through things. I have a lot of people
00:39:32 --> 00:39:34 that will contact me by inbox, never met
00:39:34 --> 00:39:36 them a day in my life. Like I'm going
00:39:36 --> 00:39:37 through this and I'm like
00:39:37 --> 00:39:39 see if we can get help. And I'm like,
00:39:39 --> 00:39:40 okay, well pray on it. No, I don't
00:39:40 --> 00:39:42 believe in God. I'm like, okay.
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44 But you have to try to just say, let me
00:39:44 --> 00:39:46 send you a, you know, a scripture or let
00:39:46 --> 00:39:49 me send you this to try to get you into
00:39:49 --> 00:39:51 the space of believing again.
00:39:51 --> 00:39:52 Uh because a lot of people they lose
00:39:52 --> 00:39:54 their faith when things happen to them,
00:39:54 --> 00:39:55 you know.
00:39:55 --> 00:39:56 >> I like the fact that two things can be
00:39:56 --> 00:39:58 true, right? You can pray, you can seek
00:39:58 --> 00:40:00 Jesus, and you can go to therapy. I
00:40:00 --> 00:40:02 think that's something that we have as a
00:40:02 --> 00:40:04 a culture that it has to be one or the
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04 other.
00:40:04 --> 00:40:06 But two things can be true at the same
00:40:06 --> 00:40:08 time. You can medicate, you can use some
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09 medication. I'm pro medication because
00:40:09 --> 00:40:11 sometimes it makes you open to engage in
00:40:11 --> 00:40:13 therapy. Sometimes it's too much and you
00:40:13 --> 00:40:15 got you fall asleep, you need to write
00:40:15 --> 00:40:17 notes. But thinking remembering that two
00:40:17 --> 00:40:18 things can be true at the same time. We
00:40:18 --> 00:40:20 can carry Jesus, we can carry therapy.
00:40:20 --> 00:40:22 You know, so not having to choose. It's
00:40:22 --> 00:40:24 not one or the other.
00:40:24 --> 00:40:26 >> I just want to just chime in as the
00:40:26 --> 00:40:28 minister. Um
00:40:28 --> 00:40:30 [laughter]
00:40:30 --> 00:40:33 so um you know,
00:40:33 --> 00:40:36 respectful to everyone's belief systems,
00:40:36 --> 00:40:38 um I'm going to just speak on it from an
00:40:38 --> 00:40:41 emotional um place.
00:40:41 --> 00:40:44 We have our emotional uh
00:40:44 --> 00:40:46 guidance in this. It's like the middle
00:40:46 --> 00:40:48 is where you're at the neutral, then you
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49 the downward spiral, you start getting
00:40:49 --> 00:40:51 into all those negative emotions, and
00:40:51 --> 00:40:53 then you have your upward spiral where
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54 you are
00:40:54 --> 00:40:57 getting into the more positive emotions.
00:40:57 --> 00:41:01 If you are in the at the bottom of the
00:41:01 --> 00:41:05 downward spiral, you have to work extra
00:41:05 --> 00:41:08 extra hard to make sure that you're
00:41:08 --> 00:41:10 feeding your mind the necessary things
00:41:10 --> 00:41:13 to get yourself up out of it. So
00:41:13 --> 00:41:15 whatever it looks like to you,
00:41:15 --> 00:41:18 seek community,
00:41:18 --> 00:41:19 seek
00:41:19 --> 00:41:21 music, cuz music is one of my forms of
00:41:21 --> 00:41:23 therapy.
00:41:23 --> 00:41:25 Um I'm I'm a practicing Muslim, but I
00:41:25 --> 00:41:28 praise God all which ways and it's
00:41:28 --> 00:41:30 um September is also um gospel you know
00:41:30 --> 00:41:32 gospel appreciation month or something
00:41:32 --> 00:41:34 like that. So praise God, hallelujah,
00:41:34 --> 00:41:36 you know
00:41:36 --> 00:41:38 you know what I'm saying? So um this
00:41:38 --> 00:41:40 really it's not
00:41:40 --> 00:41:41 everything doesn't have like I believe
00:41:41 --> 00:41:44 in God, but everybody isn't there on
00:41:44 --> 00:41:45 their journey. So
00:41:45 --> 00:41:47 if you find yourself in that down
00:41:47 --> 00:41:50 negative space, just feed yourself
00:41:50 --> 00:41:52 positive things, find things that make
00:41:52 --> 00:41:54 you happy, and just try to get your
00:41:54 --> 00:41:58 vibration back up to the positive. And
00:41:58 --> 00:41:59 just be open to the messages, you know
00:41:59 --> 00:42:01 what I'm saying? It's not about one
00:42:01 --> 00:42:04 particular walk of life at all, you know
00:42:04 --> 00:42:06 what I'm saying? Receive the information
00:42:06 --> 00:42:08 that's presented to you, eat the meat,
00:42:08 --> 00:42:08 leave the bones.
00:42:08 --> 00:42:09 >> Yes.
00:42:09 --> 00:42:10 >> That's right.
00:42:10 --> 00:42:12 >> And just do what you need to do to make
00:42:12 --> 00:42:14 yourself feel better, you know? Honor
00:42:14 --> 00:42:16 your own self, honor your own journey,
00:42:16 --> 00:42:18 and be okay with it looking different
00:42:18 --> 00:42:20 from everyone else's.
00:42:20 --> 00:42:22 >> Awesome. All right, wonderful. That was
00:42:22 --> 00:42:25 good. All right, so to close it up, um
00:42:25 --> 00:42:27 if you could leave our listeners with
00:42:27 --> 00:42:29 one message about suicide prevention,
00:42:29 --> 00:42:32 what would it be? Just 20 seconds.
00:42:32 --> 00:42:34 >> You're not alone.
00:42:34 --> 00:42:34 >> Literally.
00:42:34 --> 00:42:35 >> not alone.
00:42:35 --> 00:42:36 >> the signs.
00:42:36 --> 00:42:37 >> Know the signs.
00:42:37 --> 00:42:39 >> Yeah. If you fall down 10 times, get up
00:42:39 --> 00:42:40 11.
00:42:40 --> 00:42:41 >> That part.
00:42:41 --> 00:42:44 >> That part. [laughter]
00:42:44 --> 00:42:45 All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's
00:42:45 --> 00:42:47 been a pleasure just uh having this
00:42:47 --> 00:42:49 conversation. Like I said, it's a heavy
00:42:49 --> 00:42:51 topic. We hope that you listen with an
00:42:51 --> 00:42:54 open heart and open mind. Um and if
00:42:54 --> 00:42:56 you've listened this far, we truly thank
00:42:56 --> 00:42:57 you for your time and attention. We hope
00:42:57 --> 00:43:00 that you received today's conversation
00:43:00 --> 00:43:01 with an open heart and open mind as our
00:43:01 --> 00:43:05 mission is to educate, uplift, and share
00:43:05 --> 00:43:06 the real
00:43:06 --> 00:43:08 the lived human experiences that shape
00:43:08 --> 00:43:11 us all. And until next time,
00:43:11 --> 00:43:12 thank you for taking a seat with us at
00:43:12 --> 00:43:16 the birth seat. See you soon.
00:43:16 --> 00:43:19 Bye.