Is dating today just love—or a luxury lifestyle subscription? In this episode, Michele pulls back the curtain on modern dating’s pricey expectations: fly-outs, five-star steakhouse “standards,” and the influencer culture fueling entitlement.
With a mix of cultural critique, listener stories, and straight-up advice, she unpacks where healthy boundaries end and unrealistic demands begin. And her message is clear: before you look for a sponsor, make sure you’re sponsoring yourself.
If you’ve ever wondered whether “buy me a bag” counts as romance or just retail, this is the conversation you don’t want to miss.
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00:00:01 --> 00:00:06 Fly outs, five-star dinners, and first dates that look like sponsored vacations.
00:00:06 --> 00:00:09 Oh yes, sis, the streets are wild, but here's my question.
00:00:10 --> 00:00:12 Before you post that, he better fly me out.
00:00:12 --> 00:00:15 Can you even book yourself an Uber Black to the airport?
00:00:16 --> 00:00:20 Because if you can't cover the baggage fee, why are you out here demanding first-class
00:00:20 --> 00:00:21 treatment from strangers?
00:00:21 --> 00:00:24 So today we're going to be unpacking the modern dating wish list,
00:00:24 --> 00:00:29 vacays, steakhouse standards, and why the Cheesecake Factory apparently isn't good enough anymore.
00:00:29 --> 00:00:55 We'll be right back.
00:00:32 --> 00:01:02 Music.
00:00:55 --> 00:01:00 Welcome into the talk to me michelle podcast i appreciate your Listening ears
00:01:00 --> 00:01:03 on this episode is going to be a very interesting one.
00:01:03 --> 00:01:06 If this is your first time tuning in, don't make it your last.
00:01:06 --> 00:01:11 Go ahead and hit that subscribe button and also hit the share button like it owes you money.
00:01:11 --> 00:01:15 All right, let some other people get in on this wisdom and good old common sense.
00:01:16 --> 00:01:20 Now, before I get into today's episode, I want to make sure you guys are aware
00:01:20 --> 00:01:24 of my two coloring books that are now both available on Amazon.
00:01:24 --> 00:01:29 Color Me Unbothered and Color Me Sassy. Now, Color Me Unbothered is about just
00:01:29 --> 00:01:34 having a nonchalant attitude and actually getting through life without all the extra.
00:01:34 --> 00:01:39 The Color Me Sassy might be the response you need to certain situations.
00:01:39 --> 00:01:44 Either way, get your color therapy on and grab a copy of either Color Me Unbothered
00:01:44 --> 00:01:47 or Color Me Sassy or Color Me Both.
00:01:48 --> 00:01:52 Let's go ahead and unpack these modern day dating demands because the list is
00:01:52 --> 00:01:54 longer than a CVS receipt.
00:01:55 --> 00:01:59 So apparently the Cheesecake Factory doesn't qualify as a real date spot anymore.
00:02:00 --> 00:02:04 And I'm like, excuse me? You know, they have over 700 items on the menu, number one.
00:02:04 --> 00:02:08 And they also have that brown bread. And that brown bread deserves a solo spotlight
00:02:08 --> 00:02:10 on the food network itself.
00:02:10 --> 00:02:14 But social media has declared it being beneath us.
00:02:14 --> 00:02:19 Okay, my question is, can you pay the bill for the dinner? Without overdrafting
00:02:19 --> 00:02:21 your account, of course. That's the part I want to know.
00:02:22 --> 00:02:26 And then there's this new trend where women expect to be flown out on the first date.
00:02:26 --> 00:02:30 Let me just say this. If the first time I meet you involves TSA,
00:02:30 --> 00:02:37 a passport, and three flight delays, I think we skipped about 12 steps of getting to know each other.
00:02:37 --> 00:02:41 What happened to just meeting up for coffee to make sure he's not a serial killer?
00:02:41 --> 00:02:45 But it doesn't stop there because I've seen crazy footage of women bringing
00:02:45 --> 00:02:47 their friends to the first date.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:52 Like, is this a date or is this a group on outing? Because if I show up expecting
00:02:52 --> 00:02:56 one plate and suddenly I'm paying for three, somebody's going to jail.
00:02:56 --> 00:03:00 And the wildest part, some women are actually ordering food to go for their
00:03:00 --> 00:03:04 kids at home. So that's not a date. That's like Uber Eats with extra steps.
00:03:05 --> 00:03:07 Now, here's the central question that keeps me stuck. I mean,
00:03:07 --> 00:03:08 could you do this for yourself?
00:03:09 --> 00:03:14 Like, seriously, could you fly yourself out? Could you take yourself out to that steakhouse?
00:03:14 --> 00:03:17 Could you treat yourself the way you are demanding a stranger treats you?
00:03:17 --> 00:03:21 Because if the answer is no, then we need to talk about what's really going on here.
00:03:21 --> 00:03:25 And I'm not saying this to bash women. I'm a woman myself. But let's be real.
00:03:25 --> 00:03:30 A lot of us are being influenced by TV, reality shows, and some of these social
00:03:30 --> 00:03:36 media influencers who are posting co-rated highlight reels of their so-called luxury lives.
00:03:36 --> 00:03:39 Half the time, they're doing a collaboration, okay?
00:03:39 --> 00:03:44 It's a brand collaboration, not because some man pulled out his American Express for her.
00:03:44 --> 00:03:47 But you see this and you start believing it's
00:03:47 --> 00:03:50 a standard now and we've got music videos telling
00:03:50 --> 00:03:53 us to buy me a bag and the reality starts being whisked away
00:03:53 --> 00:03:56 on yachts and suddenly real life dates feel like a ripoff right
00:03:56 --> 00:03:59 it's like we're all living in a season of love and
00:03:59 --> 00:04:02 hip-hop but without the budget but the reality is
00:04:02 --> 00:04:05 if we keep measuring real relationships against stage
00:04:05 --> 00:04:08 ones disappointment is waiting for us at the hostess
00:04:08 --> 00:04:11 stand with the pager in hand let me get to
00:04:11 --> 00:04:15 something i like to call the entitlement trap because social
00:04:15 --> 00:04:18 media has some of y'all out here acting like dating is an olympic sport and
00:04:18 --> 00:04:23 the man's wallet is a gold medal see it starts innocent enough i just want a
00:04:23 --> 00:04:29 man who takes me nice places who treats me well who spoils me okay that's cool
00:04:29 --> 00:04:31 i mean there's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated well.
00:04:32 --> 00:04:37 But somewhere along the way, it went from having standards to expecting sponsorship.
00:04:37 --> 00:04:41 Like, are you out here trying to date this man or are you signing up for a scholarship program?
00:04:42 --> 00:04:45 Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-nice things.
00:04:45 --> 00:04:50 And I like luxury. I love a good steakhouse. I definitely love a great vacation.
00:04:50 --> 00:04:54 And I sure won't turn down a glass of champagne. But there's a difference.
00:04:54 --> 00:04:59 It's not about wanting nice things. It's about not needing someone else's wallet to get them.
00:05:00 --> 00:05:04 That's the part that makes it sexy. when you could take yourself out to their rooftop dinner.
00:05:04 --> 00:05:09 And then when a man offers it, it feels like an addition, not a lifeline.
00:05:09 --> 00:05:13 But entitlement flips the whole script. It whispers, he's supposed to.
00:05:14 --> 00:05:17 He's supposed to fly you out. He's supposed to drop a bag.
00:05:18 --> 00:05:22 He's supposed to pay for your friend's appetizers. And the danger is it becomes
00:05:22 --> 00:05:26 less about building a connection and more about building an invoice.
00:05:26 --> 00:05:29 But what tickles me is that some of y'all don't even like these men.
00:05:30 --> 00:05:35 You don't even like his jokes. You don't like his cologne. You don't even like his mama.
00:05:35 --> 00:05:39 But as long as he's swiping the card for you, you smiling for the gram.
00:05:39 --> 00:05:44 That's not dating. That's hustling. And the problem with entitlement is it never stops.
00:05:45 --> 00:05:48 Once you've convinced yourself that you're owed certain things,
00:05:48 --> 00:05:52 you keep raising the bar without ever bringing anything to the table yourself.
00:05:52 --> 00:05:56 And then you're just sitting there mad because he only took you out to a steakhouse
00:05:56 --> 00:05:59 like Roof Chris and not another upscale restaurant.
00:05:59 --> 00:06:03 Girl, you had a free state. Calm down. Be grateful before God humbles you back
00:06:03 --> 00:06:05 to Applebee's for the two for 20.
00:06:05 --> 00:06:09 In my perspective as a woman, I believe in having standards.
00:06:09 --> 00:06:12 Standards keep you safe. They keep you respected.
00:06:12 --> 00:06:15 They keep you from wasting your time on dusty situations.
00:06:15 --> 00:06:19 But entitlement, that's when you start demanding things you can't even do for
00:06:19 --> 00:06:22 yourself. And that's where the mess begins.
00:06:22 --> 00:06:26 Now, let's talk about the culture machine that keeps this mess spinning,
00:06:26 --> 00:06:31 like the music, reality TV, and social media. It's all a big bundle deal.
00:06:32 --> 00:06:35 Because really, a lot of these expectations aren't coming from your grandmama's
00:06:35 --> 00:06:37 advice about keeping your standards high.
00:06:37 --> 00:06:41 They're coming from straight hip-hop hooks, Instagram and TikTok reels.
00:06:42 --> 00:06:45 You know, we got songs out here telling us buy me a bag or don't bother calling me back.
00:06:46 --> 00:06:50 Sis, if a designer bag company made a frequent flyer program,
00:06:50 --> 00:06:54 half the dating pool would have diamond elite status by now.
00:06:54 --> 00:06:58 Then there's the vacay me or lose me attitude. Like if he doesn't whisk you
00:06:58 --> 00:07:01 off to the islands after three FaceTimes, he's not serious.
00:07:02 --> 00:07:06 Honestly, you rarely hear pack your bags, we're going to go to Costa Rica.
00:07:06 --> 00:07:10 The reality is it's more like pack your patients, we finna hit that Home Depot.
00:07:11 --> 00:07:14 That's real life. And don't get me started on reality shows because if you watch
00:07:14 --> 00:07:18 too much of it, you'll start thinking first dates require yachts,
00:07:18 --> 00:07:21 champagne fountains, and a confessional camera crew.
00:07:21 --> 00:07:24 Meanwhile, the reality is you over here trying to figure out how to stretch
00:07:24 --> 00:07:25 your check until Friday.
00:07:26 --> 00:07:31 And here's the question that bothers me. Are we teaching young women that love equals luxury?
00:07:32 --> 00:07:34 That if he's not dropping stacks, then he doesn't care.
00:07:35 --> 00:07:39 Because if that's the formula, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment and a lot of debt.
00:07:39 --> 00:07:44 Now, I will be fair. Men pull games, too. Let's not act like the fellas are saints.
00:07:44 --> 00:07:48 Some of them will sell you a dream, ghost you after you've rearranged your whole
00:07:48 --> 00:07:51 schedule, or show up to a situation ship they forgot to mention.
00:07:51 --> 00:07:54 But today, I'm keeping the lens on us, the women.
00:07:55 --> 00:07:58 Because while standards are healthy, the problem is when those standards start
00:07:58 --> 00:08:01 looking like a shopping list and the man is just supposed to scan his car to
00:08:01 --> 00:08:03 prove his worth. That's a problem.
00:08:03 --> 00:08:07 Music and media might hype it up. We have got to check ourselves.
00:08:07 --> 00:08:11 Love should feel like a partnership, not like you're applying for a luxury sponsorship.
00:08:12 --> 00:08:16 And I'm going to help you with the difference between partnership and sponsorship
00:08:16 --> 00:08:20 because there's a big difference and a lot of us are confusing the two.
00:08:20 --> 00:08:24 A partnership is when you bring something to the table. He brings something
00:08:24 --> 00:08:27 to the table and y'all sit down and eat together. That's teamwork.
00:08:27 --> 00:08:33 That's grown love. that's building. A sponsorship, that's when you show up empty-handed,
00:08:33 --> 00:08:37 you have a long list of demands, you don't want a man, you want a provider,
00:08:37 --> 00:08:40 a bank account, a walking black card.
00:08:41 --> 00:08:44 And don't get me wrong, there are men out here who are happy to play sponsor,
00:08:45 --> 00:08:49 but to be realistic, sponsors usually come with terms and conditions.
00:08:49 --> 00:08:51 And trust me, the fine print is not cute.
00:08:52 --> 00:08:54 Now, I'm not saying women shouldn't have expectations. Absolutely,
00:08:55 --> 00:08:58 have standards, know your worth. But there is a difference.
00:08:58 --> 00:09:03 A standard is I want to be with someone who respects me, who makes me feel safe,
00:09:03 --> 00:09:07 who enjoys building a life with me. That's real grown woman talk.
00:09:07 --> 00:09:13 A sponsorship mindset is if you're not flying me out, buying me designer items,
00:09:13 --> 00:09:16 feeding my kids on the first date, then you don't qualify.
00:09:17 --> 00:09:19 So that's not a standard. That is a hustle.
00:09:20 --> 00:09:24 And let me give you my personal perspective as a woman. I love nice things.
00:09:24 --> 00:09:28 I love good dinners, good trips. I love a little luxury, but there's a thing.
00:09:28 --> 00:09:30 I don't need someone else's wallet to get it.
00:09:30 --> 00:09:34 And the reality is when you are relying on someone else's wallet for everything,
00:09:35 --> 00:09:37 you're basically handing over your power.
00:09:38 --> 00:09:43 If he's paying for everything, then he controls the vibe. He controls whether the vacation happens.
00:09:43 --> 00:09:48 He controls if that state dinner shows up. And that's not partnership. That's dependence.
00:09:49 --> 00:09:51 Partnership is about building something where both people contribute,
00:09:52 --> 00:09:57 maybe not always financially, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, in an effort.
00:09:57 --> 00:10:00 Sponsorship, that's just a transaction with lipstick on it.
00:10:00 --> 00:10:04 And ladies, I want to leave you with this. Stop selling yourself short.
00:10:04 --> 00:10:08 Stop thinking you got to wait for somebody's son to come along and fund your fund.
00:10:08 --> 00:10:13 Be your own sponsor first and let the partnership be the upgrade, not the baseline.
00:10:14 --> 00:10:18 Now before I wrap up this episode you know I've got to slide into one of my
00:10:18 --> 00:10:23 favorite parts of the show the listener letter because look it's one thing to
00:10:23 --> 00:10:26 sit here and talk about women asking for fly outs and lobster tails on the first
00:10:26 --> 00:10:31 date it's another thing to hear real life circus acts happening out here in
00:10:31 --> 00:10:33 these dating streets and y'all never disappoint.
00:10:34 --> 00:10:38 Dear Michelle, I went on a date last weekend with the guy who seemed great,
00:10:39 --> 00:10:41 funny, well-dressed, easy to talk to.
00:10:42 --> 00:10:45 We ended up at the sports bar and everything was going well until the check came.
00:10:46 --> 00:10:49 He suggested we split it, which I didn't mind.
00:10:49 --> 00:10:53 But then he slid his portion of the bill to me and said, can you cover this?
00:10:53 --> 00:10:54 I forgot my wallet in the car.
00:10:55 --> 00:10:59 He never came back with the wallet. I ended up paying for the whole thing.
00:10:59 --> 00:11:04 The kicker, he texted me later saying he had a great time and wanted to see me again.
00:11:04 --> 00:11:08 I'm pretty sure this text was meant for someone else, but if he did mean to
00:11:08 --> 00:11:11 text me, why would I give him another chance?
00:11:12 --> 00:11:19 Girl, I'm sorry. That wallet did not get lost. It went into a witness protection program.
00:11:19 --> 00:11:21 That man knew exactly what he was doing.
00:11:21 --> 00:11:25 And how do you forget your wallet on a date? You remembered your phone,
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 your keys, your cologne, and your fresh haircut, but the wallet couldn't make it, huh?
00:11:30 --> 00:11:35 Lies. Deceit. Secondly, the fact that he slid the bill to you like y'all were
00:11:35 --> 00:11:39 in some type of mafia negotiation, that tells me everything I need to know.
00:11:39 --> 00:11:42 He was not embarrassed. He was testing you.
00:11:42 --> 00:11:45 He wanted to see if you played sponsor while he played slick.
00:11:45 --> 00:11:48 And the fact that you never saw that wallet again, case closed.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:53 Now, giving him another chance. Oh, absolutely not.
00:11:53 --> 00:11:58 What is he going to forget next time? The rent? His car note? His whole identity?
00:11:58 --> 00:12:04 You are not the ATM. You are not his financial office, maybe his whole identity.
00:12:04 --> 00:12:10 You are not his ATM. You are not his financial aid office. And you are not about
00:12:10 --> 00:12:14 to be financing mozzarella sticks for a man who can't even pretend to respect your time.
00:12:14 --> 00:12:16 So my advice, don't entertain that foolery.
00:12:17 --> 00:12:21 If you got to block, delete, treat yourself to a dinner on your own credit card,
00:12:21 --> 00:12:25 that's what you need to do for yourself. because if he can't even bring his
00:12:25 --> 00:12:30 wallet to the table, I promise you, he's not bringing anything else that's worth keeping either.
00:12:31 --> 00:12:34 And this is where I'm going to put a little bow on today's topic.
00:12:34 --> 00:12:38 The bottom line, don't ask for something you cannot do for yourself.
00:12:39 --> 00:12:42 If you can't book the flight, don't demand the fly out.
00:12:42 --> 00:12:46 If you can't buy the steak, don't clown someone for taking you to the Cheesecake
00:12:46 --> 00:12:50 Factory, especially when a brown bread is still undefeated.
00:12:51 --> 00:12:55 At the end of the day, self-sufficiency is the real flex. And partnership will
00:12:55 --> 00:12:57 always feel better than sponsorship.
00:12:57 --> 00:13:00 Now before we go let me drop a couple of plugs because
00:13:00 --> 00:13:03 you know your girl is staying creative if you need some
00:13:03 --> 00:13:06 peace relaxation and maybe a little sass on paper grab
00:13:06 --> 00:13:10 my coloring books color me unbothered and color me sassy perfect
00:13:10 --> 00:13:15 for grown folks who need to unwind laugh at the same time and if you're thinking
00:13:15 --> 00:13:20 about moving abroad join us on our facebook group the panama black expat network
00:13:20 --> 00:13:27 this is where we connect encourage and share real resources about making Panama your next chapter.
00:13:28 --> 00:13:31 Finally, if you love the podcast and want to show some love,
00:13:31 --> 00:13:36 head on over to buymeacoffee.com backslash talktomemichelle with one L to support
00:13:36 --> 00:13:40 the show and make sure you're following me on all socials at talktomemichelle
00:13:40 --> 00:13:41 for episode updates, clips,
00:13:42 --> 00:13:44 a little extra shade in between recordings.
00:13:45 --> 00:13:48 So until next time, remember the best date you'll ever go on is the one you
00:13:48 --> 00:13:52 could take yourself on. Until next time, people, I'm out. Peace.
00:13:53 --> 00:14:15 Music.