In this episode of 'Talk to Me, Michele', we dive deep into the concept of being unbothered without being apathetic. Michele shares personal insights on maintaining peace while handling grown-up responsibilities, like managing group chat drama and setting boundaries. Discover how redefining productivity and prioritizing mental well-being can lead to genuine happiness and tranquility.
Join Michele as she addresses a listener's letter about leaving a toxic group chat and the importance of removing negative influences from your life. Learn why boundaries are essential and how they act as "grown woman vitamins" for a healthier, more peaceful existence.
Michele emphasizes the necessity of shedding urgency culture and offers practical tips to protect your energy without losing touch with caring for others. Find out how to reclaim your mental space, prioritize self-care, and create an environment that supports your personal growth and serenity.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:26 Music.
00:00:26 --> 00:00:30 Hey, beautiful people, and the occasional lurker who don't even like me but
00:00:30 --> 00:00:32 still listens every week.
00:00:32 --> 00:00:36 Welcome back to another episode of Talk to Me, Michelle, the podcast where grown
00:00:36 --> 00:00:41 folks talk about grown feelings, grown boundaries, and why your piece should
00:00:41 --> 00:00:45 come with a TSA clearance and a carry-on bag full of not my problem.
00:00:46 --> 00:00:52 Now listen, today's episode is for the emotionally evolved, boundary building,
00:00:53 --> 00:00:54 fake friend deleting crew.
00:00:55 --> 00:00:59 We are talking about what it really means to be unbothered.
00:01:00 --> 00:01:05 And no, that does not mean lazy, cold, disconnected, or unavailable.
00:01:05 --> 00:01:08 It means you can care without carrying.
00:01:09 --> 00:01:13 It means you're not losing sleep over stuff you've already decided doesn't deserve your time.
00:01:14 --> 00:01:18 I've been in that space lately. Still handling business, still showing up for
00:01:18 --> 00:01:22 my people, still paying the bills because grown woman things still got to get done.
00:01:22 --> 00:01:26 But I've stopped letting those responsibilities handle me.
00:01:26 --> 00:01:32 I've stopped stressing over every unanswered text, every urgent call that really
00:01:32 --> 00:01:36 wasn't urgent, and every to-do list that looks like it needs its own therapist.
00:01:37 --> 00:01:42 Now, before we jump into the meat of today's episode, let me read y'all this letter of the week.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:47 This one had me cackling and clapping at the same time because it's too real.
00:01:48 --> 00:01:53 Dear Michelle, Dear Michelle, Dear Michelle, Well, I recently left a group chat
00:01:53 --> 00:01:56 and I don't feel bad about it. It started off fun.
00:01:56 --> 00:02:00 A mix of jokes and courage, man, and the occasional check-in.
00:02:00 --> 00:02:03 But it turned into something I didn't sign up for.
00:02:03 --> 00:02:08 First of all, there was a so-called Deacon Darryl, who would post scriptures
00:02:08 --> 00:02:13 at 8 a.m. and then by noon he'd be trying to meet up with random women in the same thread.
00:02:13 --> 00:02:19 Knowing he's full well married and pushing 65 with a bad hip and two prayer
00:02:19 --> 00:02:20 cloths in his glove compartment.
00:02:21 --> 00:02:28 It got worse. Every time I looked at my phone, it was 57 new notifications and
00:02:28 --> 00:02:29 none of them were worth my attention.
00:02:30 --> 00:02:34 Just the same recycled reels, blurry memes and gifts from 2018.
00:02:35 --> 00:02:40 I got overwhelmed just scrolling. I found myself ghosting the chat,
00:02:40 --> 00:02:44 peeking in, sighing and closing the app like it was a bill collector.
00:02:44 --> 00:02:49 I finally left the group and now they're saying I'm acting funny and changing.
00:02:49 --> 00:02:55 But honestly i'm just choosing peace was i wrong for leaving the mess unbothered
00:02:55 --> 00:03:00 and unavailable oh i like the name first and foremost and you were not wrong
00:03:00 --> 00:03:07 you were delivered i want to be clear that wasn't a group chat that was a messy ministry.
00:03:08 --> 00:03:13 First of all, Deacon Daryl needs to be laid at the altar immediately.
00:03:14 --> 00:03:18 You out here reading scriptures in the morning and trying to link up with Sister
00:03:18 --> 00:03:23 Cinnamon by lunchtime, not in the notifications and certainly not in your peace bubble.
00:03:24 --> 00:03:27 At his age, sit down, sir.
00:03:27 --> 00:03:33 Please sit down, ice down those knees. Ain't nobody meeting up but you and Jesus.
00:03:33 --> 00:03:39 And let's talk about those never-ending reels. If I wanted to watch 97 videos
00:03:39 --> 00:03:44 about cats dancing to Usher, I'd open TikTok and voluntarily waste my time not
00:03:44 --> 00:03:48 to be ambushed in a group thread at 6.40 a.m.
00:03:48 --> 00:03:51 And trying to mind my business and sip my coffee, all this?
00:03:52 --> 00:03:56 Open up the chat, see 300 messages, and 200 at least are links.
00:03:56 --> 00:03:59 You did what any grown woman on a healing journey
00:03:59 --> 00:04:02 would do hit that leave the group button like it
00:04:02 --> 00:04:05 was a damn spa treatment choosing your peace your
00:04:05 --> 00:04:11 silence choosing not to let uncle holy hands and his thirst trap behavior rob
00:04:11 --> 00:04:16 you of your joy oh so no you're not acting funny you just are no longer entertaining
00:04:16 --> 00:04:21 the foolishness in the group form and for anybody trying to call you out just
00:04:21 --> 00:04:23 let them know I didn't leave.
00:04:23 --> 00:04:28 I elevated. The Wi-Fi works just fine up here in peace and quiet.
00:04:30 --> 00:04:36 All right, let's dig into the myth, the lie, the deception that says being unbothered
00:04:36 --> 00:04:40 means you don't care, that you're irresponsible, acting funny.
00:04:40 --> 00:04:45 Let me tell you something right now. I am not careless. I am not cold.
00:04:46 --> 00:04:51 I'm not floating through life like Erykah Badu on a cloud of sage and bad decisions.
00:04:51 --> 00:04:56 I still pay bills. I still keep my son fed, still make moves.
00:04:56 --> 00:05:01 I just stopped doing all that with a stomach ulcer and a tension headache.
00:05:02 --> 00:05:06 Somewhere along the way, people got real confused and started thinking that
00:05:06 --> 00:05:09 being overwhelmed is a personality trait.
00:05:09 --> 00:05:13 Like if you're not constantly stressed out, you must not be doing enough.
00:05:13 --> 00:05:17 I'm doing just fine. I'm just not suffering anymore while I'm doing it.
00:05:18 --> 00:05:23 There used to be times when I would wake up panicked over things that I hadn't gotten done.
00:05:23 --> 00:05:27 Who I didn't call back, what deadline was crawling up my neck,
00:05:27 --> 00:05:30 and how was I going to save everybody from the fire that they started?
00:05:30 --> 00:05:36 I was worrying myself into migraines. Real deal, shut down the curtains,
00:05:36 --> 00:05:39 the lights, everything, those type of headbangers.
00:05:39 --> 00:05:44 Over people who wouldn't even worry about me if my phone was on 2% and I was
00:05:44 --> 00:05:45 stranded in traffic with no AC.
00:05:46 --> 00:05:52 So just let that sink in. I'm having anxiety attacks, and they out here living
00:05:52 --> 00:05:55 their best unbothered lives with a full battery and no concern.
00:05:56 --> 00:06:00 So one day I asked myself, why am I treating everything like it's a five-alarm
00:06:00 --> 00:06:03 fire when half of this stuff ain't even smoke?
00:06:04 --> 00:06:08 Every phone call is not an emergency. Every group text is not a life update.
00:06:09 --> 00:06:15 Every task is not due right now. I had to let go of what I call urgency culture.
00:06:16 --> 00:06:21 You know, that need to respond the moment your phone pings or the guilt that
00:06:21 --> 00:06:24 creeps in when you don't jump up to help somebody fix their problem like you're
00:06:24 --> 00:06:26 their customer service rep of their life.
00:06:27 --> 00:06:32 Nope, not doing it. I had to teach myself this grown woman truth.
00:06:32 --> 00:06:38 You can love people without being their life raft. And you can be responsible without being rattled.
00:06:38 --> 00:06:42 You can care without carrying it all on your back.
00:06:43 --> 00:06:48 So if you see me slow to reply, not jumping at every urgent ass,
00:06:48 --> 00:06:50 don't assume I'm slipping.
00:06:50 --> 00:06:56 Just know I'm saving my sanity. And honestly, this has been the most responsible
00:06:56 --> 00:06:57 thing I've done all year.
00:06:57 --> 00:07:02 Because if protecting my peace makes me different now, then call me new and improved.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:08 Now this is the part for the people who keep trying to make everybody comfortable.
00:07:09 --> 00:07:12 Even if it means you're uncomfortable as hell.
00:07:12 --> 00:07:16 And if you're still doing that, I'm going to pray for you. But I'm also here
00:07:16 --> 00:07:19 to tell you, you are allowed to filter people out like cheap wine.
00:07:20 --> 00:07:23 Listen, I've worked with people I don't care for.
00:07:23 --> 00:07:29 And guess what? I still showed up, did my job, minded every inch of my business.
00:07:29 --> 00:07:34 I don't do fake office friendships. If it's not work-related,
00:07:34 --> 00:07:36 I'm not entertaining it. Period.
00:07:37 --> 00:07:41 Now I've got a co-worker side-eyeing me, wondering why I don't speak to her.
00:07:42 --> 00:07:46 Sis, I have yet to tell you that your energy isn't my ministry.
00:07:46 --> 00:07:50 It's just something about you that don't sit right in my spirit.
00:07:51 --> 00:07:56 Like lukewarm coffee or off-brand soda. I keep my distance.
00:07:56 --> 00:08:00 What folks fail to realize is I peep game in silence.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:05 I've had plenty of times to observe how you move. And that's all the confirmation
00:08:05 --> 00:08:08 I need to stay in my peaceful little corner.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:11 No drama, no mess, just boundaries with a smile.
00:08:11 --> 00:08:15 So let's talk about it. Everybody doesn't deserve to be in your space.
00:08:15 --> 00:08:19 Some folks bring nothing but complaints, chaos, or creepy energy.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:25 And I had to start asking myself, why am I letting folks in my circle who wouldn't
00:08:25 --> 00:08:29 even qualify for a free trial of my peace? I had some cleaning to do.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:32 People who drain me, gone.
00:08:32 --> 00:08:37 People who only call when their world was on fire and don't know nothing about mine, bye.
00:08:38 --> 00:08:43 Fake friends, over shares, energy vampires, people who think I'm their emotional support animal.
00:08:44 --> 00:08:47 Blocked, blessed, and released. And guess what?
00:08:47 --> 00:08:52 It's okay. And I want y'all to say this with me. Let's all say it together.
00:08:53 --> 00:08:55 Boundaries are grown woman vitamins.
00:08:56 --> 00:09:01 You can take them daily and unapologetically. And if someone gets offended by
00:09:01 --> 00:09:05 your boundaries, that's because they were benefiting from you not having any.
00:09:05 --> 00:09:10 Now, for a quick moment, let me hit you with the real. I am no longer performing for convenience.
00:09:10 --> 00:09:15 I am not smiling to make somebody else feel secure in a friendship they neglected.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:19 I'm not pretending to like somebody because we've known each other since high
00:09:19 --> 00:09:23 school or mutuals on social media. We are grown.
00:09:23 --> 00:09:28 If your energy makes my skin itch, your access is revoked permanently.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:34 We don't have to fight. You don't need an announcement. Just know I've quietly
00:09:34 --> 00:09:39 moved you from the VIP section to the general admission and eventually to the parking lot.
00:09:40 --> 00:09:43 Because I'm in a season where I'd rather have three peaceful,
00:09:43 --> 00:09:50 real-ass people in my life than 30 who bring chaos, gossip, and microwave-level loyalty.
00:09:50 --> 00:09:54 And the moment I stopped trying to keep the peace by pretending,
00:09:54 --> 00:09:57 I actually found peace. Let that marinate.
00:09:58 --> 00:10:01 So if you're listening right now and wondering why certain folks are not in
00:10:01 --> 00:10:08 your space anymore, ask yourself, were they adding peace or were they taking up space?
00:10:08 --> 00:10:13 If the answer was just vibes and headaches, then you let them vibe somewhere else.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:17 Now I'm going to give you some steps on becoming unbothered as fuck.
00:10:18 --> 00:10:24 Because one thing to say you're unbothered. another thing to actually live it,
00:10:24 --> 00:10:28 breathe it, and not relapse every time someone sends you a text with a hey stranger
00:10:28 --> 00:10:31 or ask you for something that they should have handled themselves.
00:10:32 --> 00:10:37 I had to be unbothered with the news today, like full-blown do not disturb mode,
00:10:37 --> 00:10:41 because it's an avalanche of negative vibes out here.
00:10:41 --> 00:10:44 Every scroll, every headline is just breaking.
00:10:45 --> 00:10:51 The world is still ghetto. We're constantly reminded of the nonsense from government
00:10:51 --> 00:10:54 chaos to rent being enough to make you consider moving to Mars.
00:10:55 --> 00:10:59 Everybody's trying to survive, not thrive. Survive.
00:10:59 --> 00:11:06 Like, I'm one bill away from making a cardboard condo look real cozy. So yes, I tuned out.
00:11:07 --> 00:11:11 Not forever. I'm not one of those I don't watch the news people who think vibes
00:11:11 --> 00:11:15 and herbal tea will stop a war. I just believe in protecting my peace because
00:11:15 --> 00:11:19 obsession with bad news, that is not self-care.
00:11:19 --> 00:11:21 That's self-destruction in disguise.
00:11:22 --> 00:11:26 So here's your reminder. Just stay informed, but don't lose yourself in the
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 mess. Your mental health is not a 24-hour news cycle.
00:11:29 --> 00:11:32 You can be woke and well-rested.
00:11:32 --> 00:11:37 Now here is my tried and true solar proof steps to become an unbothered as fuck.
00:11:38 --> 00:11:40 First allow yourself to pause.
00:11:40 --> 00:11:45 Every season of life is not a sprint. Sometimes it's a nap.
00:11:45 --> 00:11:52 We've been conditioned to hustle, grind, push, produce, repeat and I was out
00:11:52 --> 00:11:54 here burning myself out trying to prove that I still got it.
00:11:55 --> 00:11:59 But now I've got some peace and a silk pillowcase.
00:11:59 --> 00:12:02 That's enough every season ain't
00:12:02 --> 00:12:05 go time sometimes it's sit your ass down and regroup
00:12:05 --> 00:12:08 time if you need to log off
00:12:08 --> 00:12:11 unplug not rsvp turn your
00:12:11 --> 00:12:16 phone face down while you deep condition your edges and your spirit do that
00:12:16 --> 00:12:22 next is protecting your environment now i'm not saying go full hermit delete
00:12:22 --> 00:12:27 everybody but i am saying some folks got to get reassigned some calls don't
00:12:27 --> 00:12:31 need to be answered some energy doesn't need to be entertained.
00:12:31 --> 00:12:33 Some conversations don't even need a response.
00:12:34 --> 00:12:37 So do my favorite activity. Light a candle and block a number.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:43 Okay? Light a candle, block a number, burn some sage, put your phone on do not
00:12:43 --> 00:12:47 disturb, then disturb nothing because peace does not chase noise.
00:12:48 --> 00:12:52 You protect your skin with SPF. Protect your energy with no.
00:12:52 --> 00:12:57 And please switch up was draining you you know that's a bold step to make real
00:12:57 --> 00:13:02 life changes the job you're miserable at the friendship that feels like a.
00:13:04 --> 00:13:09 The relationship where you're giving CPR to a situation that's been dead since 2021.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:15 Let it go. Please let it go. Sometimes peace looks like a new job title.
00:13:15 --> 00:13:19 Sometimes it looks like finally blocking your ex's mama.
00:13:19 --> 00:13:24 Sometimes it looks like just being done explaining yourself to people who are
00:13:24 --> 00:13:26 committed to misunderstanding you.
00:13:26 --> 00:13:32 That's not petty. It's called self-respect with a Wi-Fi password and redefine your productivity.
00:13:33 --> 00:13:37 I had to learn that being productive doesn't mean constantly in motion.
00:13:38 --> 00:13:41 Productivity is peace. It's waking up without the dread.
00:13:41 --> 00:13:46 It's taking a shower, journaling, drinking tea, minding your business.
00:13:46 --> 00:13:51 It's crossing your to-do list off, not fixing everybody else's.
00:13:52 --> 00:13:55 Success is sleeping through the night with a clear conscience and waking up
00:13:55 --> 00:13:58 knowing your phone is dry. And so is your stress.
00:14:01 --> 00:14:06 Well, I hope everybody enjoyed today's episode, but let me leave you with this.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:08 Being unbothered doesn't mean you don't care.
00:14:09 --> 00:14:14 And let me say that one more time for the people in the back and the exes still watching my stories.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:20 Being unbothered doesn't mean you don't care. It just means you care about the right things.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:24 Most importantly, you finally started caring about you.
00:14:24 --> 00:14:28 Because when you're out here pouring into everybody else's cup and yours is
00:14:28 --> 00:14:35 bone dry that's not love that's dehydration so whether you're ghosting the group
00:14:35 --> 00:14:40 chat switching jobs protecting your peace with a new skincare routine a solid
00:14:40 --> 00:14:44 boundary i see you and i'm proud of you,
00:14:44 --> 00:14:50 let me run it back real quick to your checklist of being unbothered as fuck,
00:14:50 --> 00:14:54 Pause when needed, because burnout is not a badge of honor.
00:14:55 --> 00:14:59 Protect your environment like it's got crown molding and hardwood floors.
00:15:01 --> 00:15:04 Re-evaluate what's draining you, and get bold about your peace.
00:15:06 --> 00:15:11 Redefine what success looks like, and let it include rest and joy.
00:15:12 --> 00:15:16 Now, if this episode spoke to your soul, whispered to your edges,
00:15:16 --> 00:15:22 or just made you laugh and nod like, yep, yeah, she's talking about me. I want to hear from you.
00:15:22 --> 00:15:25 Drop a comment or DM me your unbothered move of the week.
00:15:26 --> 00:15:29 Did you block someone? Turn off your phone.
00:15:30 --> 00:15:33 Decline an invite and stay in bed with a face mask. I want to know.
00:15:34 --> 00:15:38 Let's celebrate peace like it's a holiday. And if you want to support this podcast,
00:15:39 --> 00:15:44 you can head on over to buymeacoffee.com backslash talktomemichelle and drop
00:15:44 --> 00:15:48 a little love, A sip for my soul and a coin for my caffeine, okay?
00:15:49 --> 00:15:52 Make sure you're following me on all social media at TalkToMeMichelle.
00:15:52 --> 00:15:56 That's Michelle with one L. Because the only thing I'm doubling these days is
00:15:56 --> 00:15:58 my peace and my boundaries.
00:15:59 --> 00:16:03 So everybody stay blessed and a sign of silence for your sin.
00:16:02 --> 00:16:17 Music.