Episode 7: Polygamy Unveiled: The Ins and Outs of Multiple Partnerships

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[00:00:54] Welcome into another episode of Talk To Me Michele. I am your host, Michele, and we are back with another intriguing topic. So if you have not subscribed to the podcast, do me a favor. Could

[00:01:06] you please do that right now? Just subscribe to the podcast and if you have subscribed, thank you again. And please take a moment out of your day just to rate and review the podcast. Okay? I

[00:01:16] appreciate that feedback. I want to get to this quick impersonation someone did to me before I get to the topic. Mookie G, who's a comedian also, client that I'm managing, I do not appreciate on his podcast, Mookie Talking Dukie. I was mentioned

[00:01:34] in a good manner, but see he started trying to talk like me. Now he said he wasn't purposely trying to imitate the way I talk. My manager, Michele, has gotten on me. She's like, hey,

[00:01:44] you got to change up your podcast. She's even introduced a couple things to me that I need to add into the podcast. She's like, hey, you need to come up with a list of what

[00:01:52] you're going to talk about. You be all over it. Now I know I have a deep voice, but he had me sound like a transvestite. I ain't gonna lie. So I'm like, I don't appreciate that, Mookie G. I don't

[00:02:02] appreciate it. I told him every time he said something about me, I'm going to talk about his ass on each episode I have on my podcast. So I'm sorry, y'all. I had to have my

[00:02:12] panty moment inside my system. Today we will be discussing polygamy, the ins and outs on multiple partnerships. So what made me want to discuss this topic is because it does come up when I'm talking to my girlfriends, people on social media discuss it. And I've also seen

[00:02:34] couples that have multiple partners that are on social media. So I also used to watch a show called Big Love. That was an HBO series back in the day. And it was a real good series.

[00:02:48] I never really got into the TV show sister wise, but I am aware of it. But it kind of gave us a glimpse of what polygamy is supposed to be. The punchline is I hear all these men on line talking about how

[00:03:01] they want multiple women, how they can and that's a fantasy y'all thinking about like the big daddy Kane album cover where he was sitting in the throne and had these women surrounding him

[00:03:13] feeding them grapes. That is not what you know, this is why I want to have this conversation because I need to bring some reality to the table when it comes to this topic. So we're going to

[00:03:25] go into the world of polygamy. So let's get into some insightful and eye opening discussion on polygamy. Now the definition of polygamy is the practice or condition of having more than

[00:03:41] one spouse at the same time. And it could take a lot of different forms. Now we know of polygamy, one man who has multiple wives. Now I also learned about the term polyandry and that's when one woman has multiple husbands. Polygamy has been practiced in various cultures, societies,

[00:04:03] throughout history. I mean it's been out here for a long time and also continues to be practiced in some regions today. So you know in some cultures, you know some kids are used to

[00:04:15] coming home to multiple mamas and multiple daddies and I've even heard there are some group marriages. Now I'm not going to even get into the group marriages because you know for me dealing with

[00:04:25] one man's enough, I cannot because it takes a lot of energy to make a relationship work and I couldn't imagine having multiple partners. Maybe multiple wives, you know, good at would take

[00:04:40] a little bit off but I'm selfish. I don't like sharing. That's just how I am. So we're going to get into all the different forms of polygamy. Now we know the general term of polygamy,

[00:04:52] but prevalence is also another common form of polygamy. It's historical and it is current. It's practiced in various cultures, mainly parts of Africa, the Middle East and among some religious groups. For example, like a man has three wives. He got three women now but don't be thinking it's

[00:05:14] all this you know catering thing because he's got to come up on his end. Being married to multiple women, they all got to have everything across the board. Each wife has to have our

[00:05:28] own household and the husband divides his time among each household. So do y'all get that? It ain't just y'all living in a barn and a bunch of women are on the floor. The man gets the mattress

[00:05:41] and y'all all catered him. So let me erase that theory out of all the male species heads right now. Now polyandry, whole new ballgame for me because this is where one woman is married to

[00:05:55] multiple men at the same time. My sister and I were just discussing this case. There's a woman that we read about in Africa and she has a marriage to two men who are brothers. I mean,

[00:06:09] you could Google it. I'm telling you, brothers that settled to share one woman. Now struggle with me while I try to announce this group marriage situation when it comes to polygamy. It's called polygamandry. That's the word. That's for group marriages.

[00:06:29] I was just like, yo, y'all, why don't y'all just go to a swingers club or something? But no, it's a form of polygamy where multiple men and multiple women form a single marital unit.

[00:06:41] That means all members considered married to each other. Can you imagine having to come home and answer to like five different spouses? I know some people that don't want to even answer the one, but y'all got multiple spouses

[00:06:58] you got an answer to. Everybody is in this link together as a group. That is too much energy for me. I'm sorry. It overwhelms me thinking all the energy exchange in that type

[00:07:10] of marital situation. That's a lot. I mean, it's rare, but they out there. But I'm going to have to just say, Hey, I'm pass on that. So just visualize like three men and three women that

[00:07:23] are living together in a single household, and they're all sharing the same responsibilities, the finances and child rearing as a collective unit. So it also gives me like a Jim Jones vibe here. I'm sorry. That's the kind of vibe I'm getting from this, but there are people that

[00:07:43] do live their lifestyle and I say, God bless you. I can't do it. All right, let's do a comparison with monogamy and other relationship structures. So you have monogamy and that's a relationship structure where an individual has only one partner at a time that don't include no side

[00:07:59] chick side dudes, work husbands, work wives. No, you are committed to one person. Now this is mostly practice, of course, and legally recognized as a relationship structure in many parts of the world, especially in Western societies. One partner at a time. You cannot be greedy. The advantages of

[00:08:19] monogamy is the paperwork, the legal matters. Do you understand you only deal with one person in all these different scenarios? It's clear lineage and inheritance is easier to manage emotionally, financially dealing with something simple and structure. I'm only dealing with all these

[00:08:38] situations with one person. That's it. Now it can lead to infidelity and it may not fulfill all the emotional or sexual needs for some individuals. So you do have other relationships that offer that, but I don't know of too many people that are into open relationships.

[00:08:59] Now we've all heard Sister Monique discuss her relationship with her husband, Sydney, as open. I'm not sure if that offer is still on the table because I know that there were some times early

[00:09:13] in their marriage that I'm aware of. I could be wrong that they kind of shut the door on that. And if they did, you know that's their business. But having an open relationship is definitely going

[00:09:24] to be it's going to be challenging because it's supposed to be like a monogamous relationship and you and your partner are agreeing to have sexual or even romantic relationship with other people. Now monogamous relationship where the partners agree to have sexual or romantic

[00:09:40] relationships outside of their union. So they're both agreeing to that. But I'm sure there's some fine print somewhere. You can't just sit up here and let a child go in the candy store

[00:09:52] and let him go. You can't let go of his hand. He is going to go crazy. So you got to have some type of structure if you're going to have an open relationship, but it's still stigmatized

[00:10:03] because a lot of people don't understand the purpose of why get married when you have the option to still see other people and be intimate with other people. So I mean, if you an open relationship, you definitely got to have strong communication

[00:10:16] skills, clear boundaries and mutual consent. See, I think that's where we those three highlights of the open relationship. I think we're definitely going to have to put that in play because sometimes you may get greedy and you know, I can't stand this half a but

[00:10:35] you wanted to have a little thing with her. So no, I'm not going to give you permission on that one, but you do it anyway. That's a problem. Okay. So you have to also have fulfillment of diverse sexual and emotional needs, reduce pressure on one another,

[00:10:50] you know, for one partner to meet one need because I'm telling you right now, I've never seen a generation and this includes the people in my generation be so open. And I mean they I mean, like I said, if you have a sexuality desire, definitely go out there,

[00:11:04] tap it out and everything else. But I'm seeing a lot more younger people that are doing some of everything. I mean, sex with a donkey on the table. You know, I'm just telling you the things I've

[00:11:15] seen and heard and I'm like, well, damn, I have no idea why there will be a curiosity of yours, but you knock yourself out alone. So you're going to have to have real high levels of trust

[00:11:26] and communication. And there is going to be some potential for jealousy. Don't sit up there and tell me that, okay, just because we got an open door that I am not going to get in my

[00:11:36] feelings about you being fond of one particular person that you connected with outside our marriage. You know what I mean? Because there's an emotional connection sometimes. And you know, the spouse that you are with, they can be like, okay, you don't do that for me. Why are you

[00:11:50] doing that for them? You see, that's just a simple situation right there. I don't even want to get me deep into that. Now the origins of polygamy, they've been out there. We got ancient societies

[00:12:06] like the Middle East, Africa, Asia, all of them are in the mix. You can find these things in a lot of religious books that this was this been going down for a while. Okay. Now the religious

[00:12:21] influence does include Islam and Mormon. So this is like way back in the day, we talked about, you know, in Islamic culture, they permit a man to have up to four wives, provide that he does treat them all

[00:12:36] equally. And it continues in some cultures. And Mormons since the 19th century, Church of Jesus Christ, Lerde Saints, I'm telling you, they practice polygamy. You know, it was officially though this continued back in 1890, but I'm just telling you, it's on the books.

[00:12:58] Now let's get into the modern shifts of polygamy. Because again, what motivated this conversation is that I was on a live and there was a young man on this live. And when I tell you like a raggedy version of Scooby Doo,

[00:13:14] and he was living in one spot, I don't know how many women he got, how many children he got, but that's how they were living. Everybody getting benefits. And I'm just like, okay,

[00:13:25] so when I see something like that, he doesn't need paper to tie him to anybody as a legal partner. He's just gonna be, you know, living his best life out here. But that is not the

[00:13:36] way polygamy works. See, a lot of people want to make their own rules, but they don't want to do the research or do the work when it comes to polygamy. So there are shifts like legal restrictions,

[00:13:46] because in many parts of the world, polygamy has been restricted or banned due to changing social norms, legal frameworks. Because y'all already know everybody getting a feeling about anything, especially when it don't involve them. So let's just say, you know,

[00:14:04] of a relationship or marriage that has multiple spouses, partners, whatever, and you getting your feelings about it, and you want to blow the whistle on them. First of all, it's none of your business. It's not your bedroom. But it is illegal. Now, despite these legal restrictions,

[00:14:22] polygamy continues in various forms in some cultures and religious communities. So don't be surprised you do run across that type of set. Hey, we all together. That's the set you're going to be running too. Now, let me get to the good part. How does polygamy

[00:14:39] work? Let's discuss the roles and the responsibilities. So I want people who are on social media talk about they're going to have this kind of set. This is how you have to set it up if you're

[00:14:49] going to have a polygamous relationship. If you can get by the legal restrictions. Number one, the husband or even having multiple husbands, they are the provider that they're often seen as the primary provider for the family. They're responsible for earning the income, ensuring

[00:15:08] the financial stability of the household. Do you understand what I just said? The husbands are the providers. There are also the mediators, you know, in families with multiple wives, the husband may need to act as a mediator to, you know, manage the relationships or any

[00:15:23] conflicts among his wives, because you already know somebody is fighting. Somebody is in the feelings about something. Somebody didn't do something right. So yeah, he has to mediate all that and bring it down to a close. And he's also the leader. He's usually

[00:15:39] regarded as the head of the household making major decisions for the family and guiding overall direction. And he's supposed to be supportive. He's expected to provide emotional support, not just financial, but emotional support and ensure the well-being of

[00:15:58] all the wives, all the children. So I want men to realize that's all on you in that situation. The wives have different responsibilities and play different roles. Of course, you know, they got the household management. They often share and divide all the responsibilities,

[00:16:15] you know, related to managing the household. You know, it means everybody going to be pitching in with cooking, cleaning, you know, making sure the home is good. And when it comes to the children and who takes care of the children, the wives,

[00:16:29] they are playing a significant role in raising the children. That's daily care, their education, and their emotional support. Now, although the husband has to have emotional support for all of his wives and children, the wives have to provide emotional

[00:16:44] support for each other. I mean, because I can see where that is a major important thing, because as women taking on so many different roles, especially in today's modern world,

[00:16:56] women got a lot on them. I know men have a lot on them as well, but I'm speaking from a woman's perspective again. Now, depending on how the family is financially, the wives may also have to contribute financially by working outside the home

[00:17:10] or starting a family business. You know, it's one of those things that basically everybody got to have five on it. Everybody got to contribute. Now the children, they, you know, belong to these huge families. So they have a larger

[00:17:23] support system, multiple parental figures and siblings to rely on. I can only imagine how many brothers and sisters are in the mix of that household. Woo, Lord. I hope they got enough bathrooms. Now the chores, they got that. That's their

[00:17:40] responsibility around the house, contributing to household chores and helping care for their younger siblings. The education wise, they are like, you know, monogamous families, they attend school and participate in social activities together. Same thing.

[00:17:52] It's just a larger family. Other challenges can, you know, come into play as well. Your resource allocation, how are the resources being managed? Things like money, time, attention. You got to put that on a calendar for real when you in a situation like this,

[00:18:12] because everybody has got to get a certain amount of your time. So that's what every wife, every husband, every child. I know they got a lot of group activities going on because

[00:18:23] I'm telling you, I'm gonna see all y'all at once. We're going to meet up at the Apple Bees, you know, get one of them little private rooms and everybody have fun. That's what we're

[00:18:33] going to do. It's just too many of y'all. Now I can imagine where jealousy is going to come into play. So that's an emotional challenge I mentioned earlier among the wives especially. So you got to have effective communication and conflict resolution.

[00:18:47] I know you got to have that on sight. On sight. I only imagine how many arguments among all the wives or even among all the husbands that take place in a shared household. That's a lot.

[00:19:07] Now what are the rules and the regulations? Let's talk about the legal status of polygamy around the world. Now it's illegal in all 50 states of these here United States. So all states have laws that prohibit polygamy and they're typically defining marriage as a union

[00:19:28] between just two people and you can't go outside those two people legally marrying somebody else. That's already on the books. Now polygamy does come with penalties. Don't be thinking that,

[00:19:41] you know, since we got this and we're getting under the law. But if you found out you're going to be paying some money. They penalties from state to state vary. They include fines imprisonment maybe

[00:19:55] even both. You know some may consider as a misdemeanor but since it's like banned in pretty much every state yeah they nine times out of ten let's say it's a felony. Now some religions this is

[00:20:12] just a norm like Islam Mormons and in African traditional religions that you know polygamy is accepted it's practiced as a cultural norm. But there are certain rules like I said earlier

[00:20:26] that's the main thing that I see as a rule that you can't have more than four wives. That's about it. So there are different ways that most people that are in these modern times practicing polygamy and most religious communities are still participating in polygamy. Like I said Mormons,

[00:20:48] there are Muslim communities. There are also cultural practices in Africa, Western countries that are spiritual or you know they have informal polygamy. Now even if it is a spiritual or informal polygamy situation you know it's still illegal but more and more of these individuals

[00:21:08] are practicing it through spiritual or informal ceremonies without being legally recognized. So their brother I mentioned earlier that he didn't want to have anything that he had with his women on paper that's what he's doing. So these arrangements are typically very discreet.

[00:21:23] That's what I could not understand once I started doing research on this topic that this brother was on a social media platform live talking about his lifestyle. I'm like dude see this is where we have dumb criminals. He was a prime example of dumb criminals so

[00:21:41] you know if I want to be petty yeah that you're putting yourself out there for trouble so stop it. So along with the legal repercussions you're also going to have social challenges.

[00:21:53] I can only think of so many. Number one I'm thinking first of all family format like how you going to come home to you know tell your mom and pops that you got like five wives. I mean

[00:22:04] that just runs in my head but that includes all these social challenges that polygamous relationships are going to have to face because like I said I do know of some people on social

[00:22:15] media that practice polygamy but at the same time there is an impact on the community. Like you know of course it does raise visibility and I think that's why I'm seeing more and

[00:22:27] more men who are not qualified to be in a polygamous situation talk about it. Please do more research. So it is getting more social awareness on these platforms. There's more information on as far

[00:22:40] as educating yourselves so you can know if it's legal we all know it's illegal but still you could find out what your options are the cultural impact and the religious aspects of it. So

[00:22:51] everything's a lot more accessible so you can dispel all the myths about a polygamous lifestyle. And also most of these communities are online because with polygamy being illegal they all resource together bond together and get legal advice relationship counseling. You know these are

[00:23:12] tailored to that lifestyle. Now polygamy has got some activism going on out here in these streets you know there are groups that are using social media to campaign to decriminalize or acceptance of a polygamous relationship raising awareness about the challenges that you know these type of

[00:23:27] relationships face. The visibility leveraging these social media platforms promoting greater to acceptance and understanding that's what they really want because nobody wants to have you know all five wives out at a movie with all their kids with one man and be stared at nobody

[00:23:43] wants that. I'm sorry but that's pretty much what you're gonna get out here in these streets because people do not recognize that as a norm and today with people being so damn judgmental you got to

[00:23:54] worry about privacy and the stigma you're going to have on your household because exposure through social media is going to include a lot of scrutiny and like I said earlier legal issues if somebody just don't like the way you live and don't think people are not paying enough

[00:24:10] to call the police trust me they'll do it. So the social stigma for individuals in polygamous relationships I know has got to be a little tedious and then you know people get misinformation

[00:24:20] just like these men that are going around here talking about oh I can have a polygamous relationship no you can't you need to read the general rulebook you do not qualify whatsoever. So I'm hoping that everybody now has a better understanding of a polygamous relationship of this

[00:24:38] being a multiple partner situation that everybody has a role in this situation especially these men that keep talking about these relationships you better come with real estate for every last wife

[00:24:51] you want to bring to the house. You buy one car you got to buy all the car the women y'all got to get along support each other and you have to make sure that the house is unlocked like

[00:25:01] the it's clean somebody's cooking dinner somebody's doing a laundry somebody's making sure the kids are good a lot of multiple roles in that so I just want to make sure I discuss this so now we

[00:25:13] can stop wondering oh what's a polygamous lifestyle now you know now you know so I don't want to hear no nonsense from these men talk about this no more. So make sure you tune in next episode

[00:25:27] because I want to talk about something I am definitely seeing more and more on social media and that's the cult of influence yeah we're going to dive into the hidden world of social media

[00:25:37] obsession what now what I mean by social media obsession you know besides getting on your app every five seconds people who are captivated by their favorite influencers have you ever seen these people they like zombies you know they go too far sometimes just to prove their loyalty

[00:25:55] so I want you guys to tune in next week when we have this eye opening journey we're going to look into this world of social media cults and we're going to explore the experience of online

[00:26:06] cults you know how do they form what makes them magnetic and is it a psychological pull you got to think about that are some of these cults psychological pulls because you want to know what kind of people become obsessed with an online personality and you're going to discover

[00:26:22] shocking stories of fan-based cults going on to dangerous lengths to show their devotion and is there any hope for these people can they break free and take some practical steps on how

[00:26:33] to separate you know from this online cult reclaim your life it is okay to live your life without a cult tune in as we unravel the allure and dangers of social media cults revealing the hidden

[00:26:48] dynamics behind their digital obsessions so that's going to be a real good conversation now if you guys enjoyed this episode make sure you subscribe like and share but you can also

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