In this episode of "Talk To Me Michele with the 1L," we dive deep into adult peer pressure—yes, it exists beyond high school! Discover how grown-ups dress it up with words like expectations and norms, but it's the same old persuasive energy. Explore the scenarios, from social drinking to financial decisions, where peer pressure grows. Why do adults feel the need to influence others, and how can we stand firm without guilt?
Join us as we unpack the reasons behind this pressure, such as misery-loving company, fear of change, and societal norms. Learn to recognize when peer pressure is sneaky, how to set boundaries, and why "No" is a complete sentence. Whether it's about work, relationships, or lifestyle choices, owning your decisions is the real grown-up move. Stand firm, say no when needed, and protect your peace. Listen in and empower yourself against the tides of adult peer pressure.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:25 Music.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:30 Welcome into another episode of Talk To Me Michelle with the 1L.
00:00:30 --> 00:00:37 Y'all, what's going on, people? I'm just feeling good. I promise you I'm blessed, black, highly favored.
00:00:37 --> 00:00:41 I'm just in the peace, and I want to get to the episode. But before I do,
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00:01:01 --> 00:01:05 So today, I want to get to adult peer pressure.
00:01:06 --> 00:01:09 Yeah, it exists, y'all. It did not end in high school.
00:01:09 --> 00:01:15 No, it didn't. We got grown folks out here thinking they can tell you what to
00:01:15 --> 00:01:19 do, thinking they can get you to sneak out like you're a teenager after your curfew.
00:01:20 --> 00:01:25 Now, I know you've been there, somebody trying to nudge you into something you know that's not for you.
00:01:25 --> 00:01:30 Maybe it's that friend that keeps insisting, come on, one more drink won't hurt,
00:01:30 --> 00:01:33 when you're already feeling that first one creeping up on you.
00:01:33 --> 00:01:37 Or that cousin trying to drag you on a last-minute overpriced vacation when
00:01:37 --> 00:01:39 your wallet is already in the ICU.
00:01:40 --> 00:01:44 So today I'm going to break down what adult peer pressure looks like because
00:01:44 --> 00:01:46 it ain't just about the shots and bad decisions.
00:01:47 --> 00:01:52 Why grown folks feel the need to pressure others because sometimes misery really does love company?
00:01:52 --> 00:01:57 Why do we feel obligated to give in? Most importantly, how do we stand firm
00:01:57 --> 00:01:59 in our own decisions without feeling guilty?
00:02:00 --> 00:02:02 So grab your cocktail, people. It's time to get into it.
00:02:03 --> 00:02:06 Please understand peer pressure ain't just for teenagers.
00:02:07 --> 00:02:14 Adults get pressured too. We just like to dress it up in fancy words like expectations and norms.
00:02:15 --> 00:02:20 But let's be real, it's still about that same old come on, just do it energy.
00:02:21 --> 00:02:24 Except now it comes with bills and back pain.
00:02:24 --> 00:02:28 So what does adult peer pressure look like? Okay, you're living your life,
00:02:29 --> 00:02:33 minding your business, and here comes somebody trying to get you to make a decision
00:02:33 --> 00:02:35 that ain't even on your to-do list.
00:02:35 --> 00:02:37 And somehow you end up questioning yourself.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:42 So I'm gonna go through some classic grown folk peer pressure scenarios like
00:02:42 --> 00:02:45 your social drinking situations or drug use.
00:02:46 --> 00:02:48 Oh, you're not drinking tonight? You sick of something?
00:02:49 --> 00:02:51 One little gummy won't hurt. Gonna help you relax.
00:02:52 --> 00:02:55 Come on, it's a special occasion. Even though every time y'all link up,
00:02:56 --> 00:02:57 it's always a special occasion.
00:02:58 --> 00:03:03 Why do people think saying no to a drink is the same as rejecting the friendship?
00:03:03 --> 00:03:09 If I say I don't want another shot, that doesn't mean I'm suddenly a fun hating nun.
00:03:09 --> 00:03:13 It just means I know my limits and financial decisions.
00:03:13 --> 00:03:16 Girl, just book the trip. You can make the money back later.
00:03:17 --> 00:03:21 Let's go in on this investment together. But they don't even know how to balance
00:03:21 --> 00:03:21 their checking account.
00:03:22 --> 00:03:27 Got to spend money to make money. But you look at their life when they tell you this.
00:03:27 --> 00:03:30 And you'll see spending and no money making.
00:03:31 --> 00:03:35 Listen, my money is not a group project. If my wallet says stay home, I'm listening.
00:03:36 --> 00:03:41 Also, your relationships can suffer from peer pressure. People who's not even
00:03:41 --> 00:03:44 in the relationship saying, so when y'all gonna get married?
00:03:44 --> 00:03:46 As if you could just Amazon Prime a husband.
00:03:47 --> 00:03:50 Y'all been together this long? Why not have a baby?
00:03:50 --> 00:03:53 You still friends with her after everything she did?
00:03:53 --> 00:03:58 Why is everybody so worried about what's happening in other people's relationships?
00:03:58 --> 00:04:02 Let me love, leave, or be single in peace.
00:04:02 --> 00:04:05 Also, work and your career choices come under pressure.
00:04:06 --> 00:04:09 You should stay late. Team players go the extra mile.
00:04:10 --> 00:04:15 Why would you leave that job? That's good money. Yeah, but so is my sanity.
00:04:16 --> 00:04:21 Everybody's starting a business now. You should too. Not everybody is built to be a boss.
00:04:21 --> 00:04:24 And some of y'all just need to clock in and relax.
00:04:24 --> 00:04:29 Your lifestyle choices come under question. You still driving that car? You need to upgrade.
00:04:30 --> 00:04:35 Why don't you ever dress up? You need to try harder. You're not on that new diet, are you?
00:04:35 --> 00:04:39 Everybody's doing it. Look, if my car still runs, my jeans still fit,
00:04:39 --> 00:04:43 and I'm happy with my body, mind your business.
00:04:43 --> 00:04:46 It comes in different forms, but the goal is always the same.
00:04:47 --> 00:04:50 Somebody trying to make you feel like your decisions aren't good enough.
00:04:50 --> 00:04:55 The truth is you don't owe anybody an explanation for how you live your life.
00:04:55 --> 00:05:00 Now let's get into why these grown folks feel the need to pressure others in the first place.
00:05:03 --> 00:05:06 Let's flip the script right quick i've talked
00:05:06 --> 00:05:09 about what adult peer pressure looks like i'm going
00:05:09 --> 00:05:13 to get into why people even feel the need to pressure you in the first place
00:05:13 --> 00:05:17 because it's not always about you being weak sometimes it's about them not being
00:05:17 --> 00:05:23 strong first and foremost misery loves company this one right here is church
00:05:23 --> 00:05:27 church some folks ain't happy with their own decisions,
00:05:27 --> 00:05:31 but instead of doing something about it, they'd rather drag you into their mess
00:05:31 --> 00:05:33 so they don't have to feel bad about it alone.
00:05:34 --> 00:05:37 It's like I really don't want to go to this overpriced brunch where the eggs
00:05:37 --> 00:05:40 taste like regret, but I need you to come and suffer with me.
00:05:41 --> 00:05:46 If they're in a toxic relationship, they'll downplay your piece like, girl, all men do that.
00:05:47 --> 00:05:50 No, ma'am, that's your struggle. Don't put that on me.
00:05:51 --> 00:05:55 Some people need validation. They don't feel good about their decisions unless
00:05:55 --> 00:05:57 someone else is doing the same thing.
00:05:57 --> 00:06:03 They need you to yes, not because they care about you, but because your yes
00:06:03 --> 00:06:05 makes them feel better about their yes.
00:06:05 --> 00:06:10 It's given, if I made a questionable choice, you better make it so I don't feel bad.
00:06:11 --> 00:06:14 Since that's not support, that's insecurity wrapped in a group activity.
00:06:15 --> 00:06:18 Control is also a big part of peer pressure.
00:06:18 --> 00:06:22 These are the power players. They love to be in charge.
00:06:22 --> 00:06:26 They get off on influencing others. They always want to put you on to something,
00:06:26 --> 00:06:30 but somehow it always benefits them more than it does you.
00:06:30 --> 00:06:36 It could be at work, in friendships, even in family. You should really do this.
00:06:36 --> 00:06:40 Trust me, you'll thank me later. But when later comes, you're stressed,
00:06:41 --> 00:06:45 broke, and you're regretting it. and they are nowhere to be found.
00:06:45 --> 00:06:50 Control freaks don't always look bossy. They sometimes come in the form of,
00:06:50 --> 00:06:53 I'm just looking out, so you better watch out for that.
00:06:53 --> 00:06:58 Fear of change. When you start switching up things, changing your habits,
00:06:58 --> 00:07:03 saying no more often, prioritizing peace, it shakes folks up.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:05 I'm speaking on this firsthand.
00:07:05 --> 00:07:09 When you just want to walk away and they don't know what to do with themselves.
00:07:10 --> 00:07:13 Why? Because your growth exposes their stagnation.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:18 You're going to hear some stuff like you acting different, you too good now,
00:07:18 --> 00:07:21 or you don't hang with me no more. And you know what? Yes.
00:07:22 --> 00:07:25 Yes, I do not want to hang with you no more. You are absolutely right.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:29 Yes, I am acting different, moving different, as I should.
00:07:29 --> 00:07:33 Because some people will try to pressure you into staying the same just so they
00:07:33 --> 00:07:34 don't have to feel left behind.
00:07:35 --> 00:07:40 Societal norms. The life script. That's a real sneaky one because a lot of pressure
00:07:40 --> 00:07:42 comes from that society checklist.
00:07:42 --> 00:07:46 The one that says go to school, get a good job, get married,
00:07:46 --> 00:07:51 have kids, buy a house, retire, bake cookies on Sundays.
00:07:52 --> 00:07:55 And if you're not doing that in life in that order, somebody always got something
00:07:55 --> 00:07:59 to say. They'll ask you when you're getting married like you got a deadline.
00:07:59 --> 00:08:01 They'll ask about kids like you forgot.
00:08:02 --> 00:08:06 They'll question your career like they hiring. But guess what?
00:08:06 --> 00:08:10 That script don't fit everybody. It's okay to write your own.
00:08:10 --> 00:08:14 People pressure others for all kinds of reasons. There's insecurity,
00:08:15 --> 00:08:18 fear, control, or just plain nosiness.
00:08:18 --> 00:08:23 But none of that means you have to say yes. Just because someone's loud does
00:08:23 --> 00:08:25 not mean their opinion is going to always be right.
00:08:25 --> 00:08:30 Stand in your truth and remember pressure is only effective if you let it be.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:34 Now I'm going to move on to why we actually give in even when we know better.
00:08:35 --> 00:08:39 Why do we as full-fledged adults with bills, responsibilities,
00:08:40 --> 00:08:44 still feel like we need to explain ourselves to people who ain't paying a single bill?
00:08:44 --> 00:08:47 It could be fear of judgment or rejection.
00:08:48 --> 00:08:51 Let's be real. Nobody likes to be judged. We act like we don't care,
00:08:51 --> 00:08:52 but deep down, we really do.
00:08:53 --> 00:08:57 Because the minute you say, nah, I'm good to something, here comes the side
00:08:57 --> 00:08:59 eye, the whispers, and the comments.
00:09:00 --> 00:09:02 You're not drinking? Are you getting brand new now?
00:09:03 --> 00:09:07 You don't want to go on this trip? You must be broke. You still single?
00:09:07 --> 00:09:09 You're picky. That's your problem.
00:09:10 --> 00:09:13 And now you're sitting there like, dang, maybe I should just do it so they don't
00:09:13 --> 00:09:14 think I'm being difficult.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:20 We are social creatures, and sometimes it just feels easier to go along with
00:09:20 --> 00:09:21 the crowd than to be the oddball.
00:09:21 --> 00:09:25 But let me tell you, fitting in is overrated.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:29 Overrated. Standing out is where the real power is.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:33 Look, people who truly respect you, they're not going to care if you skip out
00:09:33 --> 00:09:35 on Drake. or sit out on a bad decision.
00:09:36 --> 00:09:40 Another peer pressure is that guilt-tripping, playing on your emotions.
00:09:40 --> 00:09:45 You know, this is the master move here, because folks will have you question
00:09:45 --> 00:09:49 yourself so hard, you'll be saying yes to stuff you swore you wouldn't do.
00:09:49 --> 00:09:51 I guess you just don't care about us like that.
00:09:52 --> 00:09:54 Wow, I'd do it for you.
00:09:54 --> 00:09:59 Really? Why you always got to be difficult? People will lay out that guilt thicker
00:09:59 --> 00:10:01 than a plate of Thanksgiving mac and cheese.
00:10:02 --> 00:10:05 Remember, guilt is not the only reason to make a decision.
00:10:06 --> 00:10:10 If somebody needs to guilt trip you into doing something, it's probably not
00:10:10 --> 00:10:11 in your best interest anyway.
00:10:11 --> 00:10:15 Now, we also have struggles with setting boundaries and saying no.
00:10:15 --> 00:10:20 And saying no should be easy. But some of us do struggle like we're trying to
00:10:20 --> 00:10:23 lift a car with one hand. We over explain.
00:10:24 --> 00:10:29 We say yes when we mean no. We feel like we owe people something.
00:10:29 --> 00:10:32 And a spoiler alert is you do not know.
00:10:33 --> 00:10:38 That's the full sentence. You don't have to explain it, justify it, or sugarcoat it.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:43 If a person can't respect your no, that's their problem, not yours.
00:10:44 --> 00:10:47 We also may suffer from lack of confidence in our personal choices.
00:10:48 --> 00:10:50 You know, you say no to something, right?
00:10:51 --> 00:10:54 You feel good about it. But five minutes later, you question yourself.
00:10:54 --> 00:10:58 Am I being too uptight? Am I being a little too difficult?
00:10:58 --> 00:11:00 Maybe I should go. I don't want to regret later.
00:11:01 --> 00:11:05 Sometimes we struggle with confidence in our own choices because we spend way
00:11:05 --> 00:11:08 too much time letting other people make decisions for us.
00:11:08 --> 00:11:14 But the fact is, you are the CEO of your life. If you make a choice, you got to own it.
00:11:15 --> 00:11:21 And if you change your mind, let it be because you want to, not because somebody pressured you into it.
00:11:21 --> 00:11:25 Giving in to adult peer pressure is just delaying the inevitable.
00:11:26 --> 00:11:31 Resentment, exhaustion, and regret. You don't owe anyone an explanation for
00:11:31 --> 00:11:33 why you live your life the way you do.
00:11:33 --> 00:11:38 So stand firm and say no when you need to. Let folks be mad if they want to. They'll be okay.
00:11:40 --> 00:11:44 Now, let's get to the good part, how to break free from it like a grown,
00:11:44 --> 00:11:47 build, pay, and decision-making adult that you are.
00:11:48 --> 00:11:52 Life is too short to be out here making choices just to keep other folks comfortable.
00:11:52 --> 00:11:56 The first step in breaking free is knowing when it's happening.
00:11:56 --> 00:12:00 Sometimes peer pressure is so slick, you don't even realize it until you're
00:12:00 --> 00:12:02 being pushed into something.
00:12:02 --> 00:12:07 So the red flags may include feeling uncomfortable, but you laughing it off.
00:12:07 --> 00:12:13 The phase, come on, don't be like that, is being used in this conversation.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:19 You're justifying something you don't want to do. You feel like you have to
00:12:19 --> 00:12:21 explain your choices just to keep the peace.
00:12:21 --> 00:12:26 If you catch yourself in one of these situations, please pause. Check in with yourself.
00:12:27 --> 00:12:32 Ask, am I doing this because I actually want to or because I don't want to disappoint someone?
00:12:33 --> 00:12:37 Your boundaries are yours to set, not for other people to approve.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:43 Boundaries are not mean, rude, or selfish. They are necessary, period.
00:12:44 --> 00:12:47 If you don't want to go out, just stay home and enjoy your peace.
00:12:47 --> 00:12:51 If you don't want to lend money, your bank account is closed for business.
00:12:51 --> 00:12:54 If you don't want to do something at work that isn't in your job description,
00:12:55 --> 00:12:56 that's above your pay grade.
00:12:57 --> 00:13:00 Setting boundaries is not about controlling other people. It's about protecting
00:13:00 --> 00:13:06 your energy. and the ones who respect it will understand the ones who don't.
00:13:06 --> 00:13:10 Well, that's their problem again. Most people struggle with this.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:14 We feel like no needs to come with a whole TED talk.
00:13:14 --> 00:13:20 No, because I have this thing. No, I don't think I can. No, maybe just another time.
00:13:21 --> 00:13:27 No, no is no. That's it. That is the sentence. You don't owe an explanation.
00:13:27 --> 00:13:31 If somebody gets mad about your no, that means that they weren't really asking.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:34 They were demanding. And that's not your problem.
00:13:34 --> 00:13:36 Let them be mad. they will get over it.
00:13:37 --> 00:13:41 And who you surround yourself really matters. If you're always around folks
00:13:41 --> 00:13:46 who like to guilt trip you, question your choices, and make you feel bad for
00:13:46 --> 00:13:49 doing what's best for you, it's time to reevaluate your circle.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:53 Find people who respect your decisions even if they don't agree with them.
00:13:53 --> 00:13:57 Keep friends who celebrate you, not the ones who try to pressure you.
00:13:57 --> 00:14:02 Be around people who let you be you without all the extra drama.
00:14:03 --> 00:14:07 Real friends don't need to pressure you. They respect you enough to let you make your own choices.
00:14:08 --> 00:14:12 The only person who knows what's best for you is you.
00:14:12 --> 00:14:16 If something doesn't feel right, trust the feeling. If you don't want to do
00:14:16 --> 00:14:19 something, you don't need a reason beyond I don't want to.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:24 If people can't respect your decisions, that's on them, not you.
00:14:24 --> 00:14:30 You're grown. You've been through enough in life to know what works for you and what doesn't.
00:14:30 --> 00:14:35 Stop doubting yourself just because somebody else doesn't understand your choices. They don't have to.
00:14:35 --> 00:14:41 Breaking free from adult peer pressure is just about owning your decisions, standing firm in them.
00:14:41 --> 00:14:45 Say no when you need to. Set your boundaries and let people deal with their
00:14:45 --> 00:14:47 feelings on their own accord.
00:14:47 --> 00:14:52 When all is said and done, your piece is worth way more than anybody's opinion.
00:14:52 --> 00:14:55 And that, my friend, is the real grown-up move.
00:14:59 --> 00:15:03 All right, let's wrap this up at the end of the day. You're grown.
00:15:04 --> 00:15:07 That means your choices are yours to make, not your friends,
00:15:08 --> 00:15:13 not your coworkers, not your nosy cousins who always got something to say. Yours.
00:15:13 --> 00:15:18 No more feeling guilty for setting boundaries. No more explaining your no like
00:15:18 --> 00:15:20 it needs a permission slip.
00:15:20 --> 00:15:24 And definitely no more letting people pressure you into doing things that don't serve you.
00:15:25 --> 00:15:30 If you're paying your own bills, feeding yourself managing your own life then
00:15:30 --> 00:15:33 you're the boss and the boss makes the final decision,
00:15:34 --> 00:15:37 period if you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear
00:15:37 --> 00:15:40 more real talk make sure you follow and subscribe so you don't miss the next
00:15:40 --> 00:15:45 one and if you want to show some love and support the show head over to buymeacoffee.com
00:15:45 --> 00:15:49 backslash talk to me michelle because the caffeine and good conversation keeps
00:15:49 --> 00:15:54 this thing going oh and don't forget to check out the mbg podcast network for more dope content.
00:15:55 --> 00:16:00 Until next time, stand firm, say no when you need to, and let grown folks be
00:16:00 --> 00:16:03 mad if they want to. See y'all next episode. Peace.
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