Welcome to another engaging episode of "Talk To Me, Michele", hosted by Michelle wih the 1L. This episode delves into the world of people who stir up trouble but play the victim when situations heat up. From classic signs to personal anecdotes, Michele uncovers the drama starters and how social media amplifies their antics.
We explore these individuals' characteristic patterns, love for attention, and knack for creating drama. Michele shares her own experiences and offers insights on spotting these behaviors and strategies for maintaining your peace.
Listen in as Michele provides a humorous yet insightful breakdown on handling these messy situations while keeping your peace of mind intact. Tune in and learn how to deal with drama without getting swept into the chaos!
00:00:00 --> 00:00:26 Music.
00:00:26 --> 00:00:31 Welcome to another episode of Talk To Me, Michelle. I am your host, Michelle with the 1L.
00:00:32 --> 00:00:35 What's good, everybody? I hope everybody's doing good out there.
00:00:35 --> 00:00:38 I know we got a lot of madness going on out in society, but this is where we
00:00:38 --> 00:00:41 come. We laugh, we learn, we keep it moving, okay?
00:00:42 --> 00:00:44 But let me get to today's topic.
00:00:45 --> 00:00:48 And I know you guys are wondering, well, Michelle, what is today's topic?
00:00:48 --> 00:00:50 Well, I'm going to tell you right now.
00:00:50 --> 00:00:54 We're going to get into troublemakers who love to stir the pot,
00:00:54 --> 00:00:58 but they can't take the heat. The ones who create the drama and then suddenly
00:00:58 --> 00:01:00 turn into a victim when things don't go their way.
00:01:00 --> 00:01:04 You guys know the type. I know you do. Because I want y'all to be real.
00:01:04 --> 00:01:08 Social media has given people like this a stage, a microphone,
00:01:09 --> 00:01:11 a whole audience to play their victim act.
00:01:12 --> 00:01:16 Now back in the day, if you wanted to be messy, you had to work a little bit
00:01:16 --> 00:01:18 harder to spread your nonsense.
00:01:18 --> 00:01:22 But now all people need is a Wi-Fi and a woe is me post to have people in the
00:01:22 --> 00:01:24 comments eating out of their hands.
00:01:24 --> 00:01:30 I have had a front row seat to this behavior. And honey, let me tell you, it is a show.
00:01:30 --> 00:01:36 I've never asked to be part of it. I had an associate whose girlfriend who just did way too much.
00:01:36 --> 00:01:40 You ever meet somebody and immediately feel like, something ain't right here.
00:01:40 --> 00:01:44 Well, that's my intuition talking. And it was clocked that day, okay?
00:01:45 --> 00:01:49 Spoiler alert, I wasn't wrong. I was not wrong. By the end of this episode,
00:01:49 --> 00:01:50 we're going to talk about it.
00:01:50 --> 00:01:54 The classic signs of people who like to start mess but can't own it,
00:01:54 --> 00:01:58 how social media makes it worse, and of course my own story because y'all know
00:01:58 --> 00:02:01 I don't just talk, I bring the receipts.
00:02:01 --> 00:02:04 So grab your drinks, get comfortable, and let's talk about these drama starters
00:02:04 --> 00:02:06 that turn into professional victims.
00:02:07 --> 00:02:11 Okay, let me break down this special breed of messy, okay?
00:02:11 --> 00:02:15 These messy folks, the trouble starter who plays the victim,
00:02:16 --> 00:02:21 and you guys, we already said y'all all have seen a person like this, stirring the pot.
00:02:21 --> 00:02:23 Then they want to act confused when the kitchen catches fire.
00:02:24 --> 00:02:29 These folks have a three-step routine that never fails. Number one, let me start the mess.
00:02:29 --> 00:02:34 They poke, prod, instigate, usually with a slick comment or some underhanded shade.
00:02:35 --> 00:02:37 And number two, they play dumb when they're confronted.
00:02:37 --> 00:02:43 Suddenly, they have amnesia. Who? Me? I didn't do that. I was just minding my business.
00:02:44 --> 00:02:48 Half of no, you weren't. You were not. And thirdly, they like to cry victim.
00:02:49 --> 00:02:52 They rewrite the history, leave out the parts where they were dead wrong,
00:02:52 --> 00:02:55 and suddenly the world is against them.
00:02:55 --> 00:02:58 And let's talk about their best friend, which is social media.
00:02:58 --> 00:03:03 They love an audience. So after they post this status of the what was me,
00:03:04 --> 00:03:07 just enough vagueness to get people wondering.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:11 They delete the comments that call them out, you know, so they can look innocent.
00:03:11 --> 00:03:15 They crop screenshots to make it seem like they were attacked out of nowhere.
00:03:15 --> 00:03:19 And they play to their audience because there's always a group of people ready
00:03:19 --> 00:03:23 to take the bait and believe them. So it's like a soap opera online.
00:03:23 --> 00:03:28 But without any good acting. And what's worse, these people never have solutions.
00:03:28 --> 00:03:32 Always problems. Always drama. They don't want to fix anything.
00:03:32 --> 00:03:34 They just want to keep the mess going.
00:03:34 --> 00:03:38 And trust me, I've seen this firsthand. But we'll get to that tea in a minute.
00:03:38 --> 00:03:42 Just know that if you have someone in your life who always seems to have beef,
00:03:42 --> 00:03:46 but somehow never is the one who started, you might be dealing with a professional
00:03:46 --> 00:03:48 trouble starter that turned victim.
00:03:50 --> 00:03:55 All right, everybody, it's story time. I'm going to tell you about the time
00:03:55 --> 00:03:59 I saw one of these trouble-starting victims up close and personal.
00:04:00 --> 00:04:04 It was like watching a messy reality show play out in real life, except I was in it.
00:04:04 --> 00:04:06 And there was no commercial break
00:04:06 --> 00:04:09 to give me a minute to process all the foolishness that was coming my way.
00:04:10 --> 00:04:15 So I had this associate, and I had nothing against him, but then he started dating this woman.
00:04:16 --> 00:04:18 And the moment I met her, my spirit said, nah.
00:04:19 --> 00:04:22 Matter of fact, I knew about her before he actually started dating her.
00:04:22 --> 00:04:24 And you just ever meet somebody and just feel like
00:04:24 --> 00:04:27 something isn't right like you just don't have the proof yet
00:04:27 --> 00:04:30 but your intuition is tapping you on the shoulder like says
00:04:30 --> 00:04:33 don't get too comfortable this was
00:04:33 --> 00:04:36 definitely her I couldn't put my finger on it at
00:04:36 --> 00:04:39 first but the math wasn't mapping she had this energy
00:04:39 --> 00:04:42 like she was always calculating something not in
00:04:42 --> 00:04:45 the girl balls type of vibe it wasn't that whatsoever it
00:04:45 --> 00:04:48 was like a how can I make this situation work
00:04:48 --> 00:04:51 for me kind of way so one night he
00:04:51 --> 00:04:54 comes by and he brought his girl with him so we're
00:04:54 --> 00:04:57 gonna do grown folk stuff you know drinks music laughs grown
00:04:57 --> 00:05:00 folk stuff that's what we do but his girl
00:05:00 --> 00:05:04 showed up with her child three years old eight
00:05:04 --> 00:05:06 o'clock at night now I love kids but this was
00:05:06 --> 00:05:09 supposed to be an adults only situation and I want
00:05:09 --> 00:05:12 to be real if you bring your baby then at some point
00:05:12 --> 00:05:15 you need to go ahead and be a mom but no instead of
00:05:15 --> 00:05:18 putting the baby down for a nap she left her alone in the
00:05:18 --> 00:05:21 next room unattended and when the little girl did
00:05:21 --> 00:05:24 come looking for her mama this half of got up
00:05:24 --> 00:05:31 walked to the door and shut the door in the child's face i was d-o-n-e all caps
00:05:31 --> 00:05:36 on that one at that point i was like oh no i can't party while this baby is
00:05:36 --> 00:05:39 out here sitting by herself so i went out there to sit with the child because
00:05:39 --> 00:05:42 clearly somebody needed to be the adult in this situation.
00:05:43 --> 00:05:46 Meanwhile, her mom was in the other room, living her best life,
00:05:46 --> 00:05:47 completely unbothered.
00:05:48 --> 00:05:52 So a few days later, my sister and I were on a live stream with a friend,
00:05:52 --> 00:05:56 just vibing, talking about whatever, and enter the unlike girlfriend.
00:05:57 --> 00:06:00 Now, at this point, I already knew she wasn't with the guy she was with because
00:06:00 --> 00:06:02 she liked him. He was convenient.
00:06:02 --> 00:06:06 Let's be real. He was convenient. And when people operate like that,
00:06:06 --> 00:06:08 they'll do anything to maintain their little setup.
00:06:08 --> 00:06:11 Up so what does she do she records the
00:06:11 --> 00:06:14 live stream and starts picking it apart you
00:06:14 --> 00:06:17 know trying to make it seem like we're talking about her or him
00:06:17 --> 00:06:22 and it wasn't the conversation piece it wasn't this is when she really showed
00:06:22 --> 00:06:26 her true colors she just really crossed the line now fast forward to another
00:06:26 --> 00:06:31 live stream this grown-ass woman gets into it with my sister now if you know
00:06:31 --> 00:06:34 me i don't do no back and forth for folks i don't i don't like the vibe like
00:06:34 --> 00:06:37 that but this woman decided to take it there.
00:06:37 --> 00:06:41 So she starts running her mouth, not just at my sister, but at my family.
00:06:41 --> 00:06:44 She had the nerve to talk about my recently deceased mother,
00:06:45 --> 00:06:49 my father who had nothing to do with this, and my child who has special needs,
00:06:49 --> 00:06:51 which she made sure she announced.
00:06:52 --> 00:06:55 And at this point, I'm like, oh, this what we're doing?
00:06:55 --> 00:06:59 See, people like this think they can say whatever and not deal with any consequences.
00:06:59 --> 00:07:03 And she thought she was going to get a reaction out of me that she could later
00:07:03 --> 00:07:05 spin and see I'm the victim moment.
00:07:06 --> 00:07:10 I spoke some short words. I'm not going to repeat what I said to her. And I left it at that.
00:07:10 --> 00:07:14 Now, a few months later, here she comes popping back up in my circle.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:19 She's hanging around people I know, but I know she's downplaying what really
00:07:19 --> 00:07:23 happened between us. because she's telling them enough of the story to make
00:07:23 --> 00:07:25 it seem like we had a little fallen out.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:29 But she conveniently leaves out the part where she disrespected my family,
00:07:30 --> 00:07:33 my child, and my deceased mother. And you know what's funny?
00:07:34 --> 00:07:38 I warned my mutual friends. Even though I knew they peeped it,
00:07:38 --> 00:07:41 I still had to warn them. I just told them, watch out.
00:07:41 --> 00:07:45 She's got a pattern. And this is not the first time I've seen her in some nonsense.
00:07:46 --> 00:07:49 But, you know, some people, you have to learn the hard way because some people
00:07:49 --> 00:07:53 do want to get to know folks for themselves and not go off hearsay, I understand that.
00:07:53 --> 00:07:57 Sure enough, she started doing too much, putting their friendship at risk,
00:07:57 --> 00:08:00 being messy, and then trying to play victim again.
00:08:00 --> 00:08:03 And you know what? That's the real lesson here.
00:08:03 --> 00:08:07 People love to tell enough of the story to get sympathy, but never the part
00:08:07 --> 00:08:08 where they drop the ball.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:12 They want you to see them like they're innocent, you know, so you can side with
00:08:12 --> 00:08:14 them. But the truth always comes out.
00:08:14 --> 00:08:18 And if you're paying attention, you'll notice the pattern. They always have a new enemy.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:25 They never admit to their role in the drama. They keep running the same game with new people.
00:08:25 --> 00:08:29 Best thing you could do, let them play their game. Just don't be a participant.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:34 Now let me break down that we do have fence riders and drama starters.
00:08:34 --> 00:08:38 And sometimes you get a combo of a happy meal, which is a really dramatic meal.
00:08:39 --> 00:08:43 You ever meet somebody who just somehow stays in the middle of every situation,
00:08:43 --> 00:08:48 acting like they're not involved, but they are the common denominator in all the mess that's them,
00:08:49 --> 00:08:52 I'm going to break down their signature moves because once you spot these patterns,
00:08:52 --> 00:08:54 you'll know exactly what you're dealing with.
00:08:55 --> 00:08:59 This is a classic move. When things blow up, they suddenly become a victim of
00:08:59 --> 00:09:00 a tragic misunderstanding.
00:09:01 --> 00:09:04 And they'll be saying things like, I don't know why she's mad at me.
00:09:04 --> 00:09:08 All I did was ask a simple question. No, you instigated a whole situation.
00:09:08 --> 00:09:12 I just shared what I heard. I wasn't trying to start anything.
00:09:12 --> 00:09:15 You knew exactly what you were doing.
00:09:16 --> 00:09:20 They leave out key details like how they were the ones stirring the pot in the
00:09:20 --> 00:09:23 first place. Selective storytelling at its finest.
00:09:24 --> 00:09:27 And you're going to see these people thrive off mess continuously.
00:09:27 --> 00:09:31 These people love drama like it's their full-time job with benefits.
00:09:32 --> 00:09:34 They're always in the middle of some nonsense.
00:09:34 --> 00:09:37 But when you call them out, they hit you with, I don't like drama.
00:09:38 --> 00:09:42 Yo, you are the drama. They have a front row seat to every argument,
00:09:43 --> 00:09:47 all the tea, all the screenshots for days. but somehow it's never their fault.
00:09:47 --> 00:09:51 Just know, they're not in the drama. They are the drama.
00:09:51 --> 00:09:56 Now, they can also be very crafty. They plant little seeds of doubt in every
00:09:56 --> 00:09:59 different friend group, and they sit back and watch it grow.
00:09:59 --> 00:10:02 If you hear them saying, I don't know why she don't like you.
00:10:02 --> 00:10:07 I mean, she said some things, but I don't want to start nothing. You just did.
00:10:08 --> 00:10:11 You just started something. Share that information.
00:10:12 --> 00:10:14 I think you should be careful around her.
00:10:14 --> 00:10:19 She told me something about you, but I promise I wouldn't say anything. So why are you saying it?
00:10:20 --> 00:10:24 See, it's slick little stuff like that. Like you're trying to get me to investigate
00:10:24 --> 00:10:27 and you call yourself not being messy, but you're bringing this to my attention.
00:10:28 --> 00:10:32 So you're creating suspicion, tension, and division. And the whole time you're
00:10:32 --> 00:10:35 acting like it's not you and you're only here to help.
00:10:35 --> 00:10:40 Never accountable. If there's one thing a fence rider or drama starter will
00:10:40 --> 00:10:42 never do is take accountability.
00:10:42 --> 00:10:48 That's not their skill set. Just not. They can sit up there with a box of matches,
00:10:49 --> 00:10:54 burn down their whole house, and they'll be standing there in the ashes talking
00:10:54 --> 00:10:56 about, wow, look at this mess.
00:10:56 --> 00:10:59 Why does this always happen to me?
00:10:59 --> 00:11:05 And they have an allergic reaction to certain words like, I'm sorry, or I was wrong.
00:11:05 --> 00:11:10 Their version of accountability is, well, I mean, maybe I could have handled
00:11:10 --> 00:11:11 it differently, but nope.
00:11:12 --> 00:11:14 That's not taking accountability. That's saying you could have handled something
00:11:14 --> 00:11:16 differently, but you're still not taking accountability.
00:11:17 --> 00:11:20 Being messy on social media is very easy because all you need is Wi-Fi.
00:11:21 --> 00:11:27 And all you got to do is post this vague status to get people to be concerned, feel sorry for you.
00:11:27 --> 00:11:32 Oh, I just wish people were just as loyal as me, but it's cool. I'll move in silence.
00:11:33 --> 00:11:38 So basically, you're saying somebody called me out of my nonsense and now I'm fishing for sympathy.
00:11:40 --> 00:11:43 And they have to go live to clear the air. I hate those lies.
00:11:43 --> 00:11:46 They have to go live to clear the air, but really is to control the narrative.
00:11:47 --> 00:11:51 I don't do drama, but I do have this to say. Well, you know what?
00:11:51 --> 00:11:53 If that was the case, you wouldn't have hit the button then.
00:11:53 --> 00:11:55 Because I can understand if you want to get something off your chest,
00:11:55 --> 00:12:00 but don't say I'm not about the mess or the drama and you hit the live button to discuss just that.
00:12:01 --> 00:12:05 So if you don't want drama, why are you broadcasting it? And if they have receipts,
00:12:05 --> 00:12:08 mainly it's the receipts that make them look good.
00:12:08 --> 00:12:13 I'm telling you, some people will only show you half of the correspondence when
00:12:13 --> 00:12:14 they're, you know, boasting about it online.
00:12:15 --> 00:12:17 I'm like, but you left out several pieces of this conversation.
00:12:18 --> 00:12:20 Conversation is not flowing if you're going to take these screenshots.
00:12:21 --> 00:12:25 Now, they can drop the receipts, but they only usually show the ones that make them look good.
00:12:25 --> 00:12:29 And then they conveniently screenshot only the parts of a conversation that
00:12:29 --> 00:12:30 make them look innocent.
00:12:30 --> 00:12:33 While conveniently leaving out the part where they started the fire.
00:12:33 --> 00:12:36 Once you know what to look for, you won't have to get played by these people.
00:12:36 --> 00:12:40 You'll just sit back and watch them run into the same game with new players.
00:12:40 --> 00:12:44 And what's the best way to handle them? Don't engage. Don't feed into their
00:12:44 --> 00:12:48 drama. Let them play their victim role in their space.
00:12:48 --> 00:12:53 Surround yourself with people who keep it real. The truth doesn't need an audience, but lies always do.
00:12:55 --> 00:13:00 So now we know how to spot these messy, fence-riding, drama-loving people,
00:13:00 --> 00:13:02 okay? I won't talk about how you can handle them.
00:13:02 --> 00:13:07 Because trust me, engaging with them is like arguing with a toddler who just learned how to lie.
00:13:08 --> 00:13:09 It's exhausting and it's pointless.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:14 So let's discuss how you can keep your peace and petty in check.
00:13:14 --> 00:13:16 First of all, listen to that little voice.
00:13:16 --> 00:13:20 It's not paranoia. That's that whispering voice of common sense.
00:13:20 --> 00:13:22 Like, you know, girl, we've seen this before.
00:13:23 --> 00:13:27 If someone is always in drama, constantly playing victim, or giving you the,
00:13:27 --> 00:13:33 I don't trust this person type of vibe, Believe it, your intuition is undefeated.
00:13:33 --> 00:13:37 If you catch them in a little lie, know there's a bigger one somewhere else.
00:13:38 --> 00:13:41 If they gossip to you, trust and believe they're going to gossip about you.
00:13:41 --> 00:13:46 If they downplay someone else's mess, just wait because you will be next.
00:13:46 --> 00:13:52 These people live for a reaction. The moment you respond, you have given them
00:13:52 --> 00:13:53 what they wanted, your energy.
00:13:54 --> 00:13:58 They want to argue in circles, rewrite history, act shocked and confused when
00:13:58 --> 00:14:00 you hit them with the facts.
00:14:00 --> 00:14:03 So instead of going back and forth, hit them with, that's crazy,
00:14:03 --> 00:14:06 and move on. Let them argue with themselves.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:11 And silence is always your best friend. Because when you stop feeding the fire,
00:14:11 --> 00:14:13 they have to go burn themselves out.
00:14:13 --> 00:14:18 Now, I'm not saying be petty, but I'm saying be prepared.
00:14:18 --> 00:14:23 Keep text messages. Keep the voice notes, just in case they try to flip the script.
00:14:24 --> 00:14:29 But don't be out here posting exposed and receipts online. That's their move, not yours.
00:14:30 --> 00:14:34 Trust me, people who know you won't need proof. And people who don't like you
00:14:34 --> 00:14:35 won't believe it anyway.
00:14:35 --> 00:14:40 Messy people only stay in your life if you let them. You don't owe anyone access
00:14:40 --> 00:14:43 to you. You don't have to explain why you're distancing yourself.
00:14:44 --> 00:14:45 You don't need to make an announcement.
00:14:46 --> 00:14:50 Just exit quietly. And if they notice and try to pull you back into their nonsense,
00:14:50 --> 00:14:54 just stay firm. They will test you, but don't fall for it.
00:14:54 --> 00:14:58 And here's the best part. These people always expose themselves.
00:14:58 --> 00:15:02 Always. All you have to do is step back and watch.
00:15:02 --> 00:15:06 They'll move to new victims, new friend groups, and new haters.
00:15:06 --> 00:15:10 Before you know it, people will be saying, yo, you was right about them.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:13 I should have listened to you when you warned me.
00:15:13 --> 00:15:17 And you, just be chilling, watching their karma unfold like a good Netflix drama.
00:15:18 --> 00:15:23 But be clear, you are not their audience, or their therapist, or their clean up crew.
00:15:23 --> 00:15:26 Let them play the victim. Let them twist the stories, chase the drama.
00:15:27 --> 00:15:29 Just don't let them do it on your time.
00:15:32 --> 00:15:36 Okay, I have broken it all the way down for y'all today. If you don't know how
00:15:36 --> 00:15:43 to spot a drama starting, victim playing, fence riding, mess making individual before, you do now.
00:15:43 --> 00:15:47 Okay, more importantly, you know exactly how to handle them.
00:15:47 --> 00:15:48 Let's run it back real quick.
00:15:49 --> 00:15:53 Trust your gut. If someone gives you bad vibes, believe it. Don't entertain
00:15:53 --> 00:15:56 the nonsense. You are not their debate partner.
00:15:57 --> 00:16:02 Keep your receipts. Don't make it public. You know, just hold on to them.
00:16:02 --> 00:16:03 They'll expose themselves.
00:16:04 --> 00:16:08 And set your boundaries. You don't owe messy people your time or your energy.
00:16:09 --> 00:16:12 And most importantly, protect your peace because some people thrive on drama,
00:16:13 --> 00:16:15 but you, you thrive on being unbothered.
00:16:15 --> 00:16:18 At the end of the day, misery loves company. and baby
00:16:18 --> 00:16:22 we are fully booked and unavailable so before
00:16:22 --> 00:16:25 i get out of here make sure you check out the mbg podcast
00:16:25 --> 00:16:27 network for other dope shows and if you love
00:16:27 --> 00:16:31 what i do here you can support the podcast at buymeacoffee.com
00:16:31 --> 00:16:36 backslash talk to me michelle because a little caffeine keeps the content coming
00:16:36 --> 00:16:41 this officially wraps up the season but don't worry season four is coming in
00:16:41 --> 00:16:45 hot on april 1st mark your calendars because you know i'm coming back real raw
00:16:45 --> 00:16:49 and ready until next time I'm out. Peace.
00:16:50 --> 00:17:00 Music.
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