Episode 6: Friend or Foe? How to Tell If You Have a True Friend

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Talk To Me Michele podcast. We want to hear from you. Whether you're intrigued by our deep dives into our topics or have thoughts on our latest episodes, we value your opinion.

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[00:01:02] Very interesting. We're going to be diving into the complexities of friendships and how to identify if you have a genuine friend or not. We go through this life, we make friends in certain stages in our life, but I think it's very important in adulthood. You need to know

[00:01:19] your circle. You need to have a tight circle. And when I say tight circle, I mean good, loyal people that are surrounding you, encouraging you, and that are just being a good friend to you.

[00:01:32] Period. Very hard to come by nowadays. But thanks again for tuning in. I appreciate you guys tuning back in. Hey, if you have not subscribed yet, please hit that subscription button. Please share

[00:01:43] it with a friend and give me a rating and a review. That helps the podcast grow. I really appreciate that. And now it's time to delve into the world of friendship. Now you want to ask yourself

[00:01:59] what are the true characteristics of a true friend? The definition can vary. It really can. You know, what makes a friend real versus a casual acquaintance? Now they do have key characteristics in people that you can consider a friend. And I think these characteristics are

[00:02:20] so important because we don't really look at this checklist too often when we start being friendly with people. So the key characteristics you want to have in a friend is trust and loyalty.

[00:02:32] You really don't need nobody who you can, you know, talk to about a situation you're going through and they use it later for entertainment for the masses that you got people that do that.

[00:02:43] So I need to be able to trust you. Be trustworthy. Be reliable. Reliability is a lot of things people don't really consider in a friendship and I'm going to tell you why because we let that friendly

[00:02:57] motion get in our heads. This is my friend. They're going to do that for me. They don't know no, no, no, no, no. When your friend makes a commitment to you like say if they

[00:03:08] needed you to give them a ride to work. So you are relying on that friend if they committed to doing that for you, make sure you are here at this time I will be ready

[00:03:19] and I appreciate you. Here's a little something on the gas tank. That's reliability. You can't sit up there and have that in a friend that you know nine times out of 10 may change their mind

[00:03:30] because they found something else to do. And now you are without a ride to work. That's reliability example right there and loyalty. I cannot express how important loyalty is. It really

[00:03:45] is loyalty is a whole new game changer. Let's just say I've got a friend that friend happens to be among people who are not too crazy about me and they start talking crazy about me around my friend.

[00:04:00] So as a friend, I would either think you would just say hey, I'm not going to stick around for that. Y'all feel that way but that's my people. That's just what I'm giving you an example of loyalty.

[00:04:12] Also support and encouragement. We need emotional support during both good and bad times. That was a true test for a lot of people in my life especially when my mom passed.

[00:04:25] When my mom passed, I took note of who reached out to me. I took note of people who were concerned. And I also took note of people who my mother actually took care of at a point in our life

[00:04:39] that they knew her and never reached out. Yeah, never reached out. So I take little notes like that just to see if this person is going to be any type of emotional support to me. Very important. I appreciate people who are honest.

[00:04:59] Honesty is something you cannot get from everybody. I appreciate people who are honest with me. If they see me moving a certain way, acting a certain way, they come to the side. They don't

[00:05:11] do it in public but they'll say hey Michelle what you did right there, you was out of line. Wrong. So I appreciate people that can check me on my own behavior or decision I may make

[00:05:21] that's not in the best interest. I'm going to give you a prime example. The Breakfast Club had Kanye West on their show one morning and he had like an entourage of people with him.

[00:05:32] And I believe they were playing some of his new music. Now, Charlemagne this is why I love him was straight up who told you this was like something you should put out.

[00:05:42] And he was like oh well so and so and so and so told me that. He said yeah, could we just surround yourself with a bunch of yes men. Everybody's saying yes to you to

[00:05:51] appease you. They're not being honest with you. When you have yes men surrounding you, it's hard to get honesty on the next move you should make. That's like me being a musician.

[00:06:04] I put out a track that's trash and I think it's the bomb diggity but I started getting several of my people that I trust tell me say hey you need to go back to the studio and

[00:06:13] work on that again. That's what I'm talking about and mutual respect. We got to have mutual respect. I got to have my boundaries respected. You need to have your boundaries respected and respect our differences because that can be a real fine line with some people.

[00:06:33] Let's just say there's some people in the world that make the biggest deal over a TV series and maybe you're not a fan of that TV series and if you voice an opinion like I'm just not

[00:06:42] really into that, that's not my flavor. But there's some people why not? Look respect the boundaries I don't like it. I'm not going down you for because that's something that you enjoy

[00:06:54] but if I don't enjoy it don't you know it's just like when the Game of Thrones was out. Me and my sister big Game of Thrones fans and we tried to get our dad to watch the series.

[00:07:04] It was like you got to watch this. This is a series. He could never get into it because it does start off just a tad bit slow but it doesn't you know stay slow for too long.

[00:07:16] He couldn't get into it. I'm not going to push Game of Thrones on my dad no more. Either you're going to watch it or you'll just hear about it and I think he's in the

[00:07:23] preference of just hearing about it so I got to respect that consistency. Let me say that again consistency. You need to be present and consistent over a period of time because if I see that

[00:07:38] you're only around every once in a while I really don't consider you a friend. I consider you more an acquaintance so that's the difference. If I have consistency with you if we're keeping in touch

[00:07:50] if we talk often it may not be every day every month but we do have some type of pattern of consistency where we're communicating. Another example my girl drama again she had to take a

[00:08:01] hiatus from social media and when she did I called and checked on her and she was like girl no it's Ramadan. I'm like oh my bad didn't know but I want to reach out to her to see if she was good

[00:08:13] because you would at least occasionally see her and I wanted to make sure that was good so that's what I'm talking about as far as consistency check on your people you don't see them around for a

[00:08:22] while you know that they're in a certain mind space it'll take nothing but a minute to pick up your phone and either give them a holla via text or telephone call that's all it takes. Now let's go over the signs of a fake ass friend.

[00:08:43] I can't stand a fake ass friend I've had plenty in my life I cannot stand somebody who is fake with me I rather you just not deal with me at all that's just the way I am and sometimes you have to

[00:08:56] realize there are certain red flags that fake people give you right up front or a small period of time you'll you'll pick it up the red flags include the following inconsistency they only around when

[00:09:12] it's convenient they only around when there's going to be something beneficial for them they're only around because you happen to have a fallout with somebody they don't like and that's the

[00:09:25] trauma they want to bond with but when that trauma is over with you don't hear or see them ever again gossip and backstab I tell people up front what I say behind your back I have no problem saying

[00:09:40] to your face but my friends I am not doing that too and I know my friends are not doing that to me I have been in plenty of situations where I'm on social media I'm in alive and there's a

[00:09:54] person that's being discussed and once I find out that they're talking about a friend of mine I'm out because I'm not going to endorse it I'm not but I'm sure gonna tell my friend I'm like

[00:10:04] look I had to bounce out of so-and-so's live there was some chit chatter I was not appreciating that's just the way I roll so yeah if you're gonna be gossiping about me backstabbing me

[00:10:14] please act the stage left lack of support I you know what I always say that especially on social media it does not take much to support your friend it all it is is a share button if you see

[00:10:31] your friend has a business a podcast an upcoming event they're doing whatever the case may be you can share it to your stories you could ask them if they could repost it if you could

[00:10:43] repost it in your timeline it's very simple but you'll see your friends or they call themself your friends not share one dog on thing to support you you know I'm saying I know it's tough

[00:10:56] times out there it's not always about money but if you could take a moment I matter of fact I just had granny wousers give me a review via real she didn't have to do that I did not ask her to

[00:11:09] do that but I appreciate she did that that's what I'm talking about support it don't take much jealousy and competition I don't do in my friendships I'm not trying to be cool with you

[00:11:22] to be in competition with you that makes no sense whatsoever but I've seen it I've seen people who get close to folks they can't stand and I'm like well you I know you don't like this person

[00:11:33] why are you trying to get all chummy with them you know why they want to be the first one to put the knife in it's only a matter of time they just gathering enough information about you

[00:11:47] and they can't stand you but when the time comes for you to have your fall and everybody's jumping on you they're gonna be one of the ones jumping in on you I don't compete with my friends I all

[00:11:59] I said that when I first started this podcast we applaud each other here so if anybody I'm affiliated with our friends with and they got something major going on I always am happy for them

[00:12:14] I'm always happy for my people whenever they get an achievement they've accomplished a goal they're going traveling anything that brings them joy I am happy for them I do not understand

[00:12:28] people who are trying to be cool with you and they have a hatred for you they have a hatred for a lot of stuff in your life that they don't have or they thrive to have so definitely

[00:12:40] look for those people who are in your circle competing with you or jealousy self-centered behavior oh god I've even been in relationships like this when you've had somebody who was so self-centered

[00:12:53] it's all about them every time you turn around well me me and me I'm going to break that off right quick because see I appreciate people who are confident but not cocky there's a difference

[00:13:08] if you're a confident you don't have to brag and make announcements of your achievements but when you're cocky you really ain't got much going for yourself every little thing has to be announced you know your much how much money you got in your bank account

[00:13:24] what the latest handbag you didn't bought your girl or women the same thing with you know material things and achievements I always say people who are rich don't have to announce

[00:13:35] they're rich the proof is in the pudding so when I see stuff like that it shows me self-centered behavior only focusing on their own needs and interests I don't give a damn please go do you okay now it's time for a few personal experiences

[00:13:56] oh the personal stories I've got on real friendships and fake friendships uh yeah I got plenty to tell so I'm gonna be very selective and to protect the innocent and the accused I will leave names

[00:14:12] completely out of this but I'll give you an example of a opportunist friend I was friends with a lady uh not that long ago she's in the entertainment industry and every time I turned around I would see

[00:14:27] her bounce from platform to platform like she was trying to latch on to something to kind of make her niche work and it never panned out for her she even tried to do her own little thing on social

[00:14:41] media to kind of create a buzz and that became a hassle so when I speak on her I say that there was a time when my sister and I were doing the gospel heifer show that she would make suggestions

[00:14:53] so she can appear on the show as a regular uh she adopted herself as one of us and it kept going on and on and on until it came to a point where I was like you know I had to look back at her

[00:15:05] because she was in town one night and this was like a week before my mom passed and that weekend we had family members over they wanted to come over see my mom just have a good family vibe going

[00:15:18] barbecue and everything she was very persistent with you and your family coming out to see me tonight and I'm like girl I'm entertaining family you know mom you know that we are caregivers for our

[00:15:30] mother we got family in town we cooking and cleaning entertaining so right now me coming out to see you and drag my family out with me that's not on my agenda whatsoever so at the time

[00:15:44] Rocky my sister was making these gourmet macaroons and she promised this girl some macaroons by the time her event ended she decided to roll by now I am dog tired I mean because I had been up

[00:15:58] cooking and cleaning entertaining all day long and making sure my mom was good before I put her to bed I want to say it was after midnight oh I'm gonna come by and get my stuff wait a minute girl

[00:16:10] do you not hear how tired I am did I explain to you several times because she was already in her feelings because I didn't make it out to her show and I'm like what I told you that wasn't

[00:16:20] going to happen I got other priorities on my plate to take care of oh but she was just like well I'm gonna come through there I'm gonna get at least get my sweets and stuff and I'm like girl

[00:16:30] oh lord Jesus but I just you know afterwards with that situation the friendship started to diminish because when I look at that situation because if I call a friend and they tell me hey

[00:16:42] I'm not gonna be able to make out to your show I got other commitments okay that's that's cool I understand it I'm not gonna keep pushing that on you so that was selfish and inconsiderate

[00:16:51] and the fact that you know that I'm tired and you still want to come over here because you got some desserts we can mail them to your ass go away but see that's a prime example

[00:17:01] but needless to say that friendship fizzled out because it came to a situation where she saw an opportunity to get on someone's platform that has more popularity and basically when a little misunderstanding happened she of course went on that side of the fence and I'm like well you

[00:17:18] know you over there stay over there stay over there please stay over there I don't have time for your nonsense and you're using ass ways another example of friendship when you have friends that always got problems and they'll call you and discuss these problems with you in private

[00:17:39] and you'll give them your advice because they're coming to you as a friend and they don't listen to a word they'll listen but they're wasting your time because you know

[00:17:49] why they've already got it in their mind made up on what they want to do in the first place but they just want to suck for you and let you do a pity party for them I had a friend my

[00:18:00] sister and I both had a friend I was so relieved when this girl was out of our lives I ain't gonna even lie every day we got at least four to seven phone calls a day from this girl about the same

[00:18:14] shit over and over again and it got to a point because see I don't have that kind of patience y'all will be surprised my sister has got a lot more patience than I do

[00:18:25] and it got to a point I was like girl if you call me with this bullshit again I'm not going to even answer the phone no more what do you want now calling by some shit you already made up your

[00:18:35] mind you did it anyway and now you suffer the repercussions and you want to cry bitch I told you so you ain't getting no sympathy from me because see me as a friend I'm with that honesty me as a friend I'm gonna practice that honesty characteristic

[00:18:52] because I'm gonna tell you straight up how I feel about something and if you do what you want to do anyway please don't come back over here wasting my time with this conversation

[00:19:02] even got to a point that once we said hey we we done with this and I believe we were dealing with somebody that she didn't want to deal with because she went against the advice we gave her

[00:19:13] oh I can't affiliate with anybody affiliated with them I'm like well then bye good I was happy I was happy to run away slave when that heifer said goodbye I can't do it I'm like I can't either

[00:19:25] I cannot buy so beside walking away because see when I have a problem with somebody I don't make a public announcement I got a problem with them I just moved to the other side you're not gonna see me chit chatting and interacting with them I'm just I'm good

[00:19:41] but for some reason she felt obligated to call all the people that we introduced her to and tell them some bullshit oh so now you're being petty because you didn't get your way

[00:19:55] we're not doing none of that I'm sorry you are a grown person you are able to make your own decisions don't throw me under the ringer because I told you so you did it anyway my sister

[00:20:08] told you so several other people told you so not my problem anymore let's get to how you cultivate real friendships real friendships are very rare and when you spot them definitely keep them on your radar because like I said this is a cruel world we're dealing with

[00:20:26] some real mental illness at a capacity I can't even imagine no more I really want y'all to keep the things you need to see when you're looking for a good friend a good friend is

[00:20:37] going to give you good communication it's importance of open and honest communication when your friends because you never know what may come up in life because life does be life and and you need somebody that you can communicate with I'm not saying do like the last check

[00:20:56] I was talking about calling them every day with two problems but if you know you got somebody you need to get something off your chest or um anything you can call them you could

[00:21:04] talk to them you're going to get that honest feedback you're going to feel safe in that environment time and effort invest in time and effort to maintain friendships because see I've heard this

[00:21:16] so much about I can be friends with somebody I ain't got to hear from them every day and we still cool honestly that's the truth that is the truth I used to have a girlfriend

[00:21:29] that lived out of state and we will I mean we were homies and it would be sometimes weeks months we wouldn't hear from each other because life be life and but I already I already knew

[00:21:42] it was going to be a matter of time before my phone rings or I was going to be calling her so I don't put a time just in case I haven't heard from you in a couple of days weeks months

[00:21:53] I don't think the worst of you I know life be life and because I barely got time to even communicate with the people that are in my face setting boundaries now knowing when to set boundaries

[00:22:02] and respecting them all my friends respect my boundaries all of my friends I respect their boundaries I had a girl and I really wouldn't even consider this girl a friend but we would always

[00:22:18] crack on each other me her and my sister and anytime we would have a live on a social media platform she would be there and we'd be cracking on each other just jokes but there'd be

[00:22:29] several times she would cause behind the scenes well you know I don't like it when you say this about me or say that you kind of set me up to be made fun of wait a minute wait a minute

[00:22:38] you know the temperature in this room and you be coming with the shits and giggles too but all of a sudden we're setting you up see I don't do that take accountability because

[00:22:49] you were down with the shits and giggles and maybe you didn't have a good comeback that day maybe you were in your feelings that day but that's something we don't do we don't bully people and

[00:22:59] the accusation pissed me off so much I said okay we ain't dealing with each other no more so I'm setting that boundary because you cannot like I said in the last episode you cannot assault my character and think we're still going to be cool it will not happen

[00:23:13] over here forgiveness now it's funny I say forgiveness right after I finished with that story but I'm talking about your real friends the real people that matter in your life the ability to forgive and move past conflicts because I always say if there's a misunderstanding ever

[00:23:30] I am always open to a conversation what I will not do I will not have that conversation on a public platform and that's what I've seen a lot going on with these social media somebody have a

[00:23:41] misunderstanding or they have a dislike for each other they feel they got to let everybody at a mama know the problem and have an audience watching all this back and forth

[00:23:53] I always say you know if you got a problem with me be a real man be a real woman pick up your phone call me and we can talk like adults that's why I don't like that public I think it's like a public

[00:24:06] execution because I witnessed some of the most disgusting behavior a couple of weeks ago with social media failure to mine and it was like three four people dogged her out on a live and my sister inbox she was like girl calm down because you don't have

[00:24:24] to entertain and go back and forth with these clowns because obviously they've already got their minds made up on how they feel about you let's move forward but you know if you could

[00:24:32] talk to me if I offended you in any way I can definitely be a woman and say I am so sorry I never meant to offend you and I will make sure that never happens again I don't have a problem

[00:24:44] with that but I have to do that privately I'm not doing it publicly do you have shared interest in values with your friends that's one thing that is a main factor of building friendships on common interests and values like with my girl Jules and Jules is such

[00:25:01] a creative individual I love her creativity we talked behind the scenes just about projects and ideas and she's a friend I can definitely go to with that because she got a good creative flow

[00:25:15] my sister is always good on human nature I'm telling she's always good on human nature if there is a situation socially I might be dealing with her and Jules can advise me I got a lot of

[00:25:29] good people that got expertise in certain areas I know I could pick up the phone and say hey I don't understand this but I know you might so you know can you walk me through this

[00:25:38] now there are maintenance tips when it comes to friendship just like you get your car tuned up just like you go to the dentist the doctor for a checkup you need maintenance for your friendships

[00:25:50] you gotta do those regular check-ins I spoke on that earlier when I said my girl drama was nowhere to be seen she was MIA for a couple of weeks and we made the move and called

[00:26:01] make sure she was good that's what you gotta do to your people even if you're not that close people really appreciate when they're shown consideration I'm concerned for you I want to make sure you good it's these simple things that we could be doing to maintain our friendships

[00:26:20] because you know like I said I may not hear from a girl Jules for a few days I'll send her a quick note you good yeah we good and then eventually we'll talk that's all I'm saying just do regular check-ins to make sure everybody good

[00:26:34] spending quality time now like I said everybody has their own life has their own agenda and schedule you should find time to spend some time with your friends and right now it's very

[00:26:44] convenient especially if you're online you can do a private zoom you could do a private video call with just you and certain people that y'all peep and have a great conversation catch up

[00:26:56] talk about your kids talk about your parents you know all the good stuff in between so y'all can all catch up I mean it's good that you actually physically in front of each other but when you

[00:27:06] can't find time and do that you can always do a video call a video call may just put a smile on someone's face that was having a real bad day but my friend called me took all that off my head

[00:27:18] for a moment so now I'm good that's what I'm talking about just a little quality time showing gratitude and appreciation is definitely a high ranking friendship because you don't want to have anybody around that if you go out of your way not saying you're

[00:27:33] doing it for that purpose but if you go out your way like say if I went out my way to make breakfast for my friends before we do a road trip oh Michelle thank you so much that's all you

[00:27:43] want to hear thank you so much I appreciate you taking time to do this whenever Rocky runs an errand and she may have to you know make an extra stop for me thank you vice versa so show

[00:27:57] gratitude and appreciation for your friends because just because they went out they way one time if you don't say thank you or show them how much you appreciate what they did for you that's

[00:28:07] gonna probably the last time they do it for you and being present during significant life events like I said we have babies that come into the world we have graduations we have weddings

[00:28:19] and I really saw the true side of that when my mother passed again you know I'm so thankful for the people that reached out to me and my family even people I fell out with I'm telling

[00:28:31] you that'll let you know how powerful that is to me even people I had fallen out with was able to take a moment to pick up the phone send me an email whatever and just say hey I'm

[00:28:43] so sorry for your loss so being there and being present during significant life events is definitely something you want to look for in your friend so just you know go over that checklist because

[00:28:56] there are a lot of people out here that try to gain friendship to gain benefits I'm just telling you how it works out here whether it be somebody on social media or in real life and I'm going

[00:29:08] to tell you something about social media friendships don't be so quick to befriend people because see on social media they're showing you the side they want you to see not who they actually are there are a few authentic people that I follow and have great

[00:29:23] relationships with on social media but there are some people that are looking for a come up and sometimes if a person is very popular online if they have a lot of followers if their

[00:29:35] followers are loyal if their followers once they say something hey you guys should go support so and so then they hang around and they try to be your friend and next thing you know they're trying to

[00:29:48] come up on every live you had every time you go live trying to get people's followers that's the dumbest method in the world first and foremost like I said I always people's behavior and what

[00:30:02] their agenda might be I could be wrong on some of them but most of the time I'm pretty much right when I see people moving a certain way I keep a very watchful eye on them and don't make a my friend

[00:30:15] so stop being quick to make people especially on social media your friend that is like a that's Disneyland I'm a public speaker I'm a comedian I'm a poet I'm a plumber

[00:30:27] you give yourself all these titles on social media people just want you to think a certain way about them and you don't really know them so keep that in mind man people put on mass every damn day

[00:30:41] stop being so quick to make people your friends or call me your friend and I'm also leery of people who are eager to be my friend let me throw that in there before I wrap this up

[00:30:52] when I see people that are going so overboard to be your friend like what's on your agenda because especially when you're an adult because see you could have went through that when you was in

[00:31:06] grade school but see we grown now be my friend you want to be my friend and I'll I'll be looking at them like they crazy like what why are you so eager for

[00:31:19] a friendship you must want something I'm sorry that's the way I process it you must want something because I ain't never seen nobody go all the way out of their way to be a friend and so quick to

[00:31:30] label yourself as a friend I also watch for folks who would quick to title themselves oh that's my sis that's my bro I didn't see you at the last family reunion don't be giving yourselves title

[00:31:44] like that on mannerism I'm also saying please when you meet your friends parents do not refer them as mom or pops auntie or uncle because see they get under my skin because I'm old school when people meet

[00:32:01] my father he is mr. Tompkins not pops not dad don't do that because see then we ain't gonna have no chance of a friendship whatsoever once you do that I look at it as a form of disrespect

[00:32:16] you were not raised in the wild let's get together so let me wrap this episode up and I encourage you guys to evaluate your own friendships and strive to be a better friend because sometimes we got a lot

[00:32:28] of improvements ourselves as friends like oh I ain't talked to so-and-so in a minute I need to call them just to check on them make sure they good anything so make sure you're a good friend as well

[00:32:39] now in the next episode we are going to discuss something that was a conversation offline and said okay that's going to be very interesting because I want to learn more about this not that I'm interested

[00:32:53] I'm just curious but polygamy we're going to be exploring multiple partnerships how it works because I hear this all the time online especially from men that they gonna have several women or they live someplace and they got several women's popping out babies every five minutes

[00:33:10] no that's not how it's supposed to work so I'm gonna definitely be tapping on that because I am sure once I break this down everybody out there how about multiple women y'all gonna shut the

[00:33:22] hell up because you don't qualify now if you like this episode I would like for you to consider supporting the podcast at buy me a coffee buy me a coffee is an easy way that you can

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[00:33:45] in make sure you follow me on instagram at talk to me Michelle and I will see you on the next episode peace are you looking to increase your brand awareness and gain new prospects our audience

[00:34:14] would love to hear from you the talk to me Michelle podcast offers sponsor packages designed to put your brand in front of our engaged and loyal listeners every time we get a partnering with us means your message reaches a dedicated audience that trusts our recommendations it's a

[00:34:29] fantastic way to build brand awareness and connect with potential customers as our podcast continues to grow so does your opportunity to reach more listeners our tailored sponsorship packages ensure you get the best value and maximum exposure become a sponsor today and be part of a

[00:34:46] vibrant and dynamic podcast community let's work together to achieve your marketing goals ready to get started email us at talk to me Michelle at gmail.com to learn more about our sponsorship opportunities thank you for considering a partnership with our podcast we look forward to promoting your brand