Welcome to this episode of "Talk To Me, Michele," where we explore the unpredictable journey of attraction. Michele shares personal anecdotes and insights on how quickly and unexpectedly attraction can fizzle out when faced with negative traits like arrogance, poor communication, and lack of emotional intelligence.
We delve into the dynamics of initial attraction versus long-term compatibility, and how outward appearances can sometimes mask deeper, less attractive personality traits. Listen as Michele discusses the difference between confidence and arrogance, along with some hilarious and cringe-worthy stories of encounters that quickly went south.
Throughout the episode, Michele emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, mutual respect, and effective communication in relationships. She invites listeners to reconsider what truly makes a person appealing beyond the surface level and encourages embracing genuine connections that are built on substance rather than just vibes.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:27 Music.
00:00:27 --> 00:00:30 This is an episode of Talk To Me, Michelle. I'm your host, Michelle,
00:00:30 --> 00:00:32 with one L. What's poppin', people?
00:00:33 --> 00:00:38 I'm so glad you guys have tuned in to another episode. If you have not done so, please subscribe,
00:00:38 --> 00:00:44 share, leave me a review, and of course, I'm always open to a topic suggestion,
00:00:44 --> 00:00:48 so hit me up at talktomemichelle at gmail.com.
00:00:48 --> 00:00:53 All right, let's talk about it. It's something that's just downright disappointing.
00:00:53 --> 00:00:57 When you find someone attractive, but then they go and ruin it.
00:00:58 --> 00:01:03 They ruin it. It's like meeting your favorite celebrity and expect them to be
00:01:03 --> 00:01:05 cool, and they turn out to be an ass.
00:01:06 --> 00:01:09 Instant regret. Instant.
00:01:09 --> 00:01:14 I remember this one guy, older, attractive, witty, wise, had me thinking,
00:01:15 --> 00:01:17 Okay, this might be something.
00:01:17 --> 00:01:20 But baby, let me tell you, he was so full of himself.
00:01:20 --> 00:01:24 And here's the thing. If I find you attractive or I'm interested,
00:01:25 --> 00:01:27 trust me, as a woman, I will let you know.
00:01:28 --> 00:01:32 But what I'm not going to do is chase you. I can feed your ego,
00:01:32 --> 00:01:34 but just not right out the gate.
00:01:34 --> 00:01:38 And he wanted me to do all the work while he sat back like he was the prize.
00:01:39 --> 00:01:43 No effort, no reciprocity, just vibes and entitlement.
00:01:44 --> 00:01:48 And that, my friends, is a major turnoff for me. So today, we're going to talk
00:01:48 --> 00:01:52 about those moments when attraction dies on the spot.
00:01:52 --> 00:01:58 Whether it's ego, bad personality traits, or just someone saying something so
00:01:58 --> 00:02:01 wild you cannot unhear it. And we're getting into it.
00:02:02 --> 00:02:04 Grab your cocktails. We're going to talk about it.
00:02:06 --> 00:02:12 All right, let's talk about that first spark. You see someone and they look good.
00:02:12 --> 00:02:17 Maybe it's the way they carry themselves, the confidence, the style,
00:02:17 --> 00:02:22 or just that swag they have. You can't quite put your finger on it.
00:02:22 --> 00:02:25 Some people walk into a room like they've got theme music playing behind them.
00:02:26 --> 00:02:29 And you're just like, well, how you doing?
00:02:29 --> 00:02:32 But let's be real, looks only take you so far.
00:02:32 --> 00:02:35 Attraction is kind of like a beautifully wrapped gift.
00:02:36 --> 00:02:40 It's exciting at first. But once you open it, you might find out it's a box
00:02:40 --> 00:02:42 full of packing peanuts.
00:02:42 --> 00:02:46 And that's when the reality kicks in. You ever been drawn to someone thinking
00:02:46 --> 00:02:51 they were the whole package, only to realize they were more like a scam package?
00:02:51 --> 00:02:55 Looking good on the outside, but empty on the inside?
00:02:55 --> 00:03:01 That's the difference between physical attraction and emotional and mental attraction.
00:03:01 --> 00:03:05 Physical attraction is that immediate, oh, they are fine moment.
00:03:05 --> 00:03:09 But the emotional and mental attraction, that's when you get to know them and
00:03:09 --> 00:03:13 realize if there's actually substance behind the style.
00:03:14 --> 00:03:18 Some people go from 10 to a strong 4 real quick once they start talking,
00:03:18 --> 00:03:23 while others might not have caught your eye at first, but become fine as hell
00:03:23 --> 00:03:25 once you see their death and their personality.
00:03:25 --> 00:03:30 So let's get into it. What makes attraction shift from hot to not?
00:03:30 --> 00:03:33 What takes someone from yes please to oh no?
00:03:34 --> 00:03:40 Now listen, nothing will make you lose attraction faster than someone saying the wrong damn thing.
00:03:40 --> 00:03:43 You ever been into somebody and they open a mouth?
00:03:44 --> 00:03:46 And suddenly you're questioning all of your life choices.
00:03:47 --> 00:03:48 It's like, damn, I was rooting for you.
00:03:49 --> 00:03:55 Some people just talk too much. Like, take a breath. Get a sip of water. Regroup.
00:03:55 --> 00:04:01 Let everybody else get a word in. I've had so many social interactions with
00:04:01 --> 00:04:04 men who were just a bit too chatty for my taste.
00:04:04 --> 00:04:08 And listen, nothing turns me off faster than a man who talks more than me.
00:04:09 --> 00:04:14 And y'all know I like to get into it. but I'm like your sport highlights.
00:04:14 --> 00:04:17 I want to get straight to the point, no unnecessary commentary.
00:04:18 --> 00:04:20 Now, if you think it's just me, let me tell you about this one time.
00:04:21 --> 00:04:25 I was on the phone trying to get to know this guy and baby. He would not stop talking.
00:04:26 --> 00:04:29 I mean, he was talking about himself the whole conversation.
00:04:30 --> 00:04:31 No questions about me.
00:04:32 --> 00:04:36 No break in the conversation. It was just a full-blown TED talk on himself.
00:04:37 --> 00:04:41 Now, my sister was in the room listening. And after about 10 minutes, she got up and left.
00:04:41 --> 00:04:46 And she came back a whole 10 minutes later and was like, damn, you still talking?
00:04:47 --> 00:04:52 At that point, I had already checked out the conversation because that's all it was.
00:04:52 --> 00:04:59 And the ego, people that are full of themselves, you wonder how they fit their heads through a door.
00:05:00 --> 00:05:03 And they're the worst types, to be honest with you, because they're the ones
00:05:03 --> 00:05:05 who love to hear themselves talk.
00:05:05 --> 00:05:09 But they're not actually saying nothing. And that's a whole different kind of turnoff.
00:05:10 --> 00:05:14 Now, I'm going to keep it real with y'all today because it's not just about attraction.
00:05:15 --> 00:05:20 This could be anybody that you were excited to meet. You were looking forward to meeting this person.
00:05:20 --> 00:05:26 And you only meet them and they ruin the whole vibe you have for them.
00:05:26 --> 00:05:31 I'm going to tell you about this grade A vibe killer I experienced firsthand.
00:05:31 --> 00:05:35 Years ago, I was at a local radio event. I was working the room and I was meeting
00:05:35 --> 00:05:37 all the radio personalities.
00:05:37 --> 00:05:40 Everybody out in Houston was out there. And that's what you do.
00:05:40 --> 00:05:44 You're supposed to work the room, supposed to introduce yourself, let yourself be known.
00:05:45 --> 00:05:49 So I roll up to the 97.9, the box booth. I'm friendly, okay?
00:05:49 --> 00:05:53 I'm introducing myself. I got a smile. I'm trying to pass the good vibes on.
00:05:53 --> 00:05:57 And here comes this one personality named Jay Mack.
00:05:57 --> 00:06:02 Now, I had heard things about him, but I like to judge people for myself because
00:06:02 --> 00:06:04 you might be hearing from a shady side of the story.
00:06:05 --> 00:06:11 Big mistake. Big mistake. He took a step back, Winkles his nose like I just
00:06:11 --> 00:06:17 walked in smelling like regret and gave me the skankiest disrespectful look.
00:06:17 --> 00:06:21 No greeting, no energy, just a straight attitude.
00:06:21 --> 00:06:24 And let me tell you something. I am too grown out here to be begging for folks
00:06:24 --> 00:06:28 to be decent human beings. So I took note and kept it moving.
00:06:29 --> 00:06:35 Fast forward a few months later, I run into him again at a local TV station, the Isaiah Carey Show.
00:06:36 --> 00:06:40 My dad, you know, you guys, he's a music executive, and he was there for an interview.
00:06:40 --> 00:06:45 After the segment, guess who suddenly got a whole new personality transplant?
00:06:45 --> 00:06:53 Jay Mack. Now he's all smiles, friendly, cheesing, and extending his hand like we besties.
00:06:53 --> 00:06:58 And let me tell y'all, my petty levels activated immediately.
00:06:58 --> 00:07:02 Do you understand, once somebody leaves a bad taste in my mouth,
00:07:02 --> 00:07:05 how I look forward to when I see them again and it's on a different playing field?
00:07:07 --> 00:07:11 I'm going to be skank. I'm sorry. I looked at that hand like it was covered
00:07:11 --> 00:07:13 in all bad decisions and broken dreams.
00:07:13 --> 00:07:17 And I hit him with, OK, yeah, we met before and I walked clean off.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:22 My sister was wheezing in the background because once you show me who you truly
00:07:22 --> 00:07:26 are, I believe you and I no longer see you.
00:07:27 --> 00:07:32 Let me get into some of the biggest turnoffs, the ones that you may not catch
00:07:32 --> 00:07:34 right away, but once you do, it's a wrap.
00:07:34 --> 00:07:40 And some people show you exactly who they are immediately, but others may take
00:07:40 --> 00:07:42 a little time before you realize you've been tricked.
00:07:42 --> 00:07:45 Now, confidence, very sexy.
00:07:46 --> 00:07:51 Arrogance is annoying as hell. Confidence is knowing that you're the shit without
00:07:51 --> 00:07:54 having anyone to announce it every five minutes.
00:07:54 --> 00:07:59 Arrogance is when you think you are so amazing that everyone else should just
00:07:59 --> 00:08:00 be grateful to be in your presence.
00:08:00 --> 00:08:03 And baby, let me tell you, nobody is that fine.
00:08:03 --> 00:08:08 If I pay you a compliment, just take it. Don't start listing your resume like
00:08:08 --> 00:08:10 I just asked for your LinkedIn profile.
00:08:10 --> 00:08:15 And for the ones who act like we should be chasing them, if you are the prize,
00:08:15 --> 00:08:18 I'm returning you to the store because I don't need it.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:23 But the clingy types, it's cute at first. You're texting good morning,
00:08:23 --> 00:08:26 good night, checking in and making sure I ate.
00:08:26 --> 00:08:31 But after a while, if I don't text back within 10 minutes and you're already
00:08:31 --> 00:08:33 spiraling, that's a problem.
00:08:33 --> 00:08:38 And emotional intelligence? If you don't have any pleas, don't apply.
00:08:38 --> 00:08:43 If you can't read the room, take accountability, or have an adult conversation
00:08:43 --> 00:08:48 without turning into a victim or a villain, you are exhausted. And I like my piece.
00:08:49 --> 00:08:53 Now, I got to say, this is a deal breaker for me, because if you've ever been
00:08:53 --> 00:08:56 on a date and watch how someone talks to the waiter, the staff,
00:08:57 --> 00:09:01 they got a funky tone, that's really everything you need to know.
00:09:01 --> 00:09:06 If you are so rude to service workers, you're eventually going to be rude to me.
00:09:06 --> 00:09:10 I could just see it. And I dated somebody every time we went out to eat.
00:09:11 --> 00:09:15 It was always something wrong. He would always be complaining.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:18 I'm like, look, don't be pissing these people off. They are preparing our food.
00:09:19 --> 00:09:22 And let's not forget the ones who walk around being entitled,
00:09:22 --> 00:09:27 acting like they deserve attention, effort, or even your time without actually
00:09:27 --> 00:09:28 bringing anything to the room.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:34 You want me to drop everything for you, but you can't even return a damn text? We got to be serious.
00:09:34 --> 00:09:39 I have been vibing this artist, Leon Thomas, and he's got a song called Vibes Don't Lie.
00:09:40 --> 00:09:43 That song is the truth because energy don't lie.
00:09:43 --> 00:09:46 You ever meet someone who just drains the damn room?
00:09:47 --> 00:09:50 They're always negative, always complaining, or always bringing up drama.
00:09:51 --> 00:09:53 And I need a funeral program for that vibe.
00:09:53 --> 00:09:57 There's a fine line between I got this and I'm doing the absolute most.
00:09:58 --> 00:10:02 If your personality is so big that it feels like competition just to get a word
00:10:02 --> 00:10:04 in, that's not confidence, that's exhaustion.
00:10:05 --> 00:10:10 If your life is like a soap opera and every week is a new season of The Real
00:10:10 --> 00:10:13 Housewives of your own mind, I'm out.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:17 Some things don't hit you right away, but once you notice them, it's a done deal.
00:10:17 --> 00:10:22 First and foremost, I'm not even negotiating on your hygiene, your self-care.
00:10:22 --> 00:10:27 I don't care how fine you are. If you don't smell good, your breath is not right,
00:10:27 --> 00:10:30 your nails look like you've been digging ditches, we have a problem.
00:10:31 --> 00:10:35 If you have no goals or just waiting for life to happen to you,
00:10:35 --> 00:10:39 please happen somewhere else. You don't have to be a millionaire,
00:10:39 --> 00:10:40 but at least have some direction.
00:10:41 --> 00:10:44 And I don't want no inconsistency, because if you start off sweet,
00:10:45 --> 00:10:49 making efforts, and then all of a sudden you are just born as hell.
00:10:49 --> 00:10:54 You've gotten distant. You treating me like a side quest. No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:10:55 --> 00:10:59 Keep the same energy from the beginning. And that's on both ends, men and women.
00:11:00 --> 00:11:05 Now, we've talked about how people can kill the vibe and completely ruin their own attraction points.
00:11:05 --> 00:11:09 But I'm going to be fair. Sometimes folks recover from the bad first impression.
00:11:09 --> 00:11:12 The question is, can the attraction come back?
00:11:12 --> 00:11:17 And sometimes we judge people too quickly. And maybe they were nervous that
00:11:17 --> 00:11:20 day, had a bad day, or just got caught slipping in the moment.
00:11:21 --> 00:11:22 Some people get a second chance.
00:11:23 --> 00:11:25 And I'm going to let you know when that needs to take place.
00:11:25 --> 00:11:29 Because they may have said something corny, tripped over their own foot,
00:11:29 --> 00:11:32 even tried too hard to impress you.
00:11:32 --> 00:11:36 We've all been there. So if they shake it off, they can redeem themselves.
00:11:36 --> 00:11:40 They might even get another shot. That's worth giving another shot for.
00:11:40 --> 00:11:45 Something that makes my toes curl is when people have self-awareness.
00:11:45 --> 00:11:50 Self-awareness is attractive. If a person can say, yeah, I was definitely doing
00:11:50 --> 00:11:55 the most, my apologies, instead of being defensive, because that's the problem.
00:11:55 --> 00:11:59 If you own up to what you did, knowing you did wrong, you take accountability,
00:12:00 --> 00:12:01 apologize for it, that's growth.
00:12:02 --> 00:12:05 That is growth, and a lot of people still need to grow up.
00:12:06 --> 00:12:10 Maybe their ego was a little too loud at first, but then they came back humble
00:12:10 --> 00:12:13 and cool. Or they realized that they were just doing too much from the start.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:17 So they start listening more than talking.
00:12:17 --> 00:12:19 And growth is very sexy.
00:12:19 --> 00:12:23 Now, if somebody is willing to check themselves and actually communicate like
00:12:23 --> 00:12:25 an adult, that's half the battle.
00:12:25 --> 00:12:29 Sometimes people don't even realize they did something wrong until you call
00:12:29 --> 00:12:32 them out. And a simple conversation can clear things up.
00:12:32 --> 00:12:35 Just let them know, hey, when you did that, wasn't a good vibe for me.
00:12:36 --> 00:12:40 And if they could take accountability for it, there's hope. But that taking
00:12:40 --> 00:12:41 accountability is everything.
00:12:42 --> 00:12:46 But if they start trying to flip it, blaming you for being too sensitive or
00:12:46 --> 00:12:50 doubling down on the nonsense, bye. I don't have time for that.
00:12:51 --> 00:12:55 And you could be confident without being arrogant. Because if you learn how
00:12:55 --> 00:12:58 to own your own energy without being over the top, you know,
00:12:59 --> 00:13:00 you might just redeem yourself.
00:13:01 --> 00:13:04 But sometimes the damage is just too damn deep.
00:13:04 --> 00:13:09 Once you've seen a person for who they really are, it's like trying to unsee a bad tattoo.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:14 If the ick is too strong, you know that moment when someone does something so
00:13:14 --> 00:13:17 cringy that even the sight of them makes you shudder?
00:13:17 --> 00:13:19 Yeah, that's not, you ain't coming back from that.
00:13:20 --> 00:13:23 But if the true colors have already been revealed, you thought they were cool,
00:13:24 --> 00:13:26 now you see that they're arrogant, negative, and messy.
00:13:27 --> 00:13:31 You don't need to involve yourself with it. And if the attraction was just a
00:13:31 --> 00:13:36 shallow thing to begin with, sometimes we're only into them because they look good.
00:13:37 --> 00:13:41 They had a certain vibe. But once that fades, we realize there's really nothing there.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:47 Let's be real. Attraction is a tricky thing. One minute you're drawn in by someone's
00:13:47 --> 00:13:49 looks, confidence, or charm.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:51 And the next, boom.
00:13:52 --> 00:13:57 Instant turnoff. It's like ordering a bomb-ass meal at a restaurant only for
00:13:57 --> 00:13:59 the first bite to taste like straight-up disappointment.
00:14:00 --> 00:14:05 And listen, this goes both ways. Men and women both have their fair share of attraction killers.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:10 Some are very obvious. And some sneak up on you over time.
00:14:11 --> 00:14:14 Like realizing your date has an ego so big, it needs its own chair.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:20 So I'm going to break down what makes someone go from a yes to a hell no.
00:14:21 --> 00:14:25 For the fellas, these are some of the biggest turnoffs they have when it comes to women.
00:14:26 --> 00:14:31 If you ladies are being too clingy, too needy, you need consistent texting,
00:14:31 --> 00:14:34 you need constant validation, stop that.
00:14:34 --> 00:14:36 That works my nerves and I'm a woman.
00:14:37 --> 00:14:40 Lack of hygiene. Ain't no way you trying to get all in this man's face with
00:14:40 --> 00:14:44 bad breath, body odor, unkept hair, and dirty fingernails.
00:14:44 --> 00:14:49 If you have a negative attitude, you're always complaining, gossiping,
00:14:49 --> 00:14:50 or being overly dramatic.
00:14:51 --> 00:14:55 And if you have this sense of entitlement, expecting the man to do everything
00:14:55 --> 00:14:57 without reciprocating the effort.
00:14:57 --> 00:15:02 And ladies, if you have a lack of ambition, no goals, no drive,
00:15:02 --> 00:15:05 no self-improvement, oh my God, no.
00:15:05 --> 00:15:12 Superficial behavior only caring about looks money or status if you're rude disrespectful,
00:15:13 --> 00:15:17 you know being rude to the wait staff and talking people down is not cute if
00:15:17 --> 00:15:24 you're trying to change him stop first of all consistently criticizing instead
00:15:24 --> 00:15:26 of supporting is not going to make him feel any better.
00:15:28 --> 00:15:32 If you over post on social media, every argument, every meal,
00:15:32 --> 00:15:35 every little thing has to be exposed online.
00:15:36 --> 00:15:39 And if you act uninterested or playing hard to get, you know,
00:15:40 --> 00:15:43 the chase is fun, but too much is exhausting.
00:15:44 --> 00:15:47 Now for the ladies, what turns us off about the fellas?
00:15:48 --> 00:15:52 Number one, if you got an ego and you arrogant, I like confident men.
00:15:52 --> 00:15:56 It's attractive, but acting like God's gift to earth is not where it's at.
00:15:56 --> 00:16:00 If you talk too much mainly about yourself
00:16:00 --> 00:16:03 if she can't get a word in nah
00:16:03 --> 00:16:06 that's a wrap lack of effort oh
00:16:06 --> 00:16:10 lord let me say it again lack of effort not planning no dates not texting back
00:16:10 --> 00:16:15 not showing any interest and poor hygiene is definitely on our list too your
00:16:15 --> 00:16:21 fingernails bad breath skin look like you got you know potholes in it wrinkled
00:16:21 --> 00:16:25 clothes if you're insecure and display a lot of jealousy.
00:16:25 --> 00:16:29 You know, being too possessive, not trusting her around other men, that's a bit much.
00:16:30 --> 00:16:34 If you're being cheap, it's not about spending the money. It's really about
00:16:34 --> 00:16:36 the effort. Bad communication.
00:16:36 --> 00:16:41 So if you're ignoring text messages, having dry conversation,
00:16:41 --> 00:16:46 disappearing for days, don't expect her to be excited when you do decide to pick up the phone.
00:16:47 --> 00:16:53 Laziness and no ambition, you got no drive, no goals, consistently being stagnant,
00:16:53 --> 00:16:57 you're happy there, that's not a good thing, and negative energy, always complaining,
00:16:58 --> 00:17:03 being bitter about exes, and blaming women for everything, and if you're bad
00:17:03 --> 00:17:06 in bed, and you got no interest in improving,
00:17:07 --> 00:17:11 that's self-explanatory, but there are universal attraction killers,
00:17:11 --> 00:17:16 that goals for both men and women, lying and dishonesty, being self-centered,
00:17:17 --> 00:17:18 lack of emotional intelligence,
00:17:19 --> 00:17:25 poor listening skills, lack of respect, inconsistency, overconfidence, or desperation.
00:17:30 --> 00:17:32 Well, it looks like we've covered some ground today and from the
00:17:32 --> 00:17:36 initial attraction and how it quickly can disappear to
00:17:36 --> 00:17:39 the real deal breakers like arrogance and negativity and
00:17:39 --> 00:17:42 even when people might actually redeem themselves we all
00:17:42 --> 00:17:45 know how quickly things can go from oh they
00:17:45 --> 00:17:48 find to oh I don't even want to look at you it's all
00:17:48 --> 00:17:51 about the energy and let me tell you if you're
00:17:51 --> 00:17:54 walking around with an ego the size of Texas expecting
00:17:54 --> 00:17:57 us to chase you down the attraction is probably not
00:17:57 --> 00:18:00 gonna come back just keep that in mind all right
00:18:00 --> 00:18:03 that's gonna do it for this episode I hope you guys found it very
00:18:03 --> 00:18:06 enlightening somebody else needs to hear this
00:18:06 --> 00:18:09 today so if you haven't already subscribe please do
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00:18:34 --> 00:18:52 Music.