In this enlightening episode of "Talk To Me, Michele," our host Michele dives into the delicate balance between friendship and disrespect. She shares a personal story of a friendship gone wrong, highlighting how common 'joking' can evolve into full-fledged bullying. Through vivid storytelling, Michele illustrates the importance of setting boundaries and protecting peace from toxic interactions.
Listeners will gain insights into recognizing the subtle signs of manipulative relationships and the significance of holding firm to self-worth and accountability. Michele also discusses the painful realization that not everyone in your circle is truly in your corner and the empowering act of letting go of negative influences to shine brighter.
This episode encourages you to stand up for yourself, uphold your worth, and enjoy the freedom of releasing those who can't respect you. Through humor and heartfelt advice, Michele reminds us to protect our energy and maintain bold boundaries, ensuring our inner light remains undimmed.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 Welcome in to another episode of Talk To Me, Michelle. I am your host,
00:00:03 --> 00:00:05 Michelle with that one L.
00:00:06 --> 00:00:09 I hope everybody is doing well. And if this is your first time in,
00:00:09 --> 00:00:14 please go ahead and subscribe so you can keep up with every episode that I drop.
00:00:14 --> 00:00:18 And if you wouldn't mind to share it with a family member, a friend,
00:00:18 --> 00:00:23 coworker, and I would also appreciate if you guys could leave me a podcast review.
00:00:24 --> 00:00:27 Why do you enjoy listening to it? Do you enjoy the topics?
00:00:27 --> 00:00:32 Do you enjoy the tone? What is it? So just put it out there. I appreciate it.
00:00:32 --> 00:00:37 Also, if you want me to cover a specific topic, I want you to drop me an email
00:00:37 --> 00:00:43 at talktomemichelle, again, with 1L at gmail.com, and let me know what you want me to talk about.
00:00:44 --> 00:00:49 Possibly, that could be a future episode just off of your suggestion. So I appreciate it.
00:00:50 --> 00:00:53 All right, folks, I'm going to start the episode off with this.
00:00:53 --> 00:00:55 And please take this as my disclaimer.
00:00:56 --> 00:01:01 If one more person calls me grandma, They're going to catch a rocking chair to the head.
00:01:01 --> 00:01:05 And I'm going to make sure the chair is vintage, just like my old eyes,
00:01:05 --> 00:01:07 as someone has recently said.
00:01:08 --> 00:01:13 So I'm going to dive into a topic that's going to have you nodding your head,
00:01:13 --> 00:01:17 clutching your pearls with these so-called friends who seem to think that their
00:01:17 --> 00:01:20 full-time job is making you the punchline of their comedy show.
00:01:21 --> 00:01:22 You know the type. They stir the
00:01:22 --> 00:01:27 pot, crack their jokes, and then look surprised when you stop laughing.
00:01:27 --> 00:01:31 And trust me, I've got a full story for you. Just the other day,
00:01:31 --> 00:01:35 I was on a live stream feeling cute, minding my business.
00:01:35 --> 00:01:40 And here comes one friend in the comments turning my chat into Comedy Central,
00:01:40 --> 00:01:42 except the jokes were all on me.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:44 So spoiler alert, I wasn't laughing.
00:01:47 --> 00:01:51 So picture this. I'm on a friend's live stream. I'm sipping my coffee.
00:01:51 --> 00:01:55 We vibing. We chatting it up. And here comes Mr. Fabulous in the comments.
00:01:55 --> 00:01:59 Now, let me preference this. We've always had a jokeful back and forth.
00:02:00 --> 00:02:04 He throws shade. I throw it right back. And usually we keep it cute.
00:02:05 --> 00:02:07 But I don't know if his drawers was in a wallet that day or what,
00:02:07 --> 00:02:11 because he decided to turn it all the way up and not in a good way.
00:02:12 --> 00:02:17 It started with the usual teasing and then it got consistent and back to back
00:02:17 --> 00:02:19 jokes that slid into straight disrespect.
00:02:20 --> 00:02:24 He's called me grandma. Okay, fine. Ha ha. You know, a little funny. Ha ha.
00:02:25 --> 00:02:29 But then he started talking about my old eyes. Like, sir, these eyes have seen
00:02:29 --> 00:02:33 some things that none, thank God, have not involved you.
00:02:34 --> 00:02:37 What was the highlight of this whole situation? He had the nerve to speculate
00:02:37 --> 00:02:38 about my bedroom habits.
00:02:39 --> 00:02:44 He's over here making these false assumptions about my sexual preferences and
00:02:44 --> 00:02:49 talking about how my youth left the building years ago and hitting it.
00:02:49 --> 00:02:50 That, oh, you have a lonely sex life.
00:02:51 --> 00:02:55 Sir, how I spend my nights is none of your business. And honestly,
00:02:55 --> 00:02:59 I'm sure I'm doing better than you, especially since yours involves receipts.
00:03:00 --> 00:03:05 Don't get me started. It was a nonstop back-to-back, no chill,
00:03:05 --> 00:03:11 no breaks, just him running his mouth like he was trying out for a stand-up special or something.
00:03:12 --> 00:03:16 Needless to say, he started my day off with this nonsense, it set the tone.
00:03:17 --> 00:03:20 Because it was just too much. So by the end of it, I was hot.
00:03:20 --> 00:03:24 And I called my girls to vent. I blocked him right after that because honestly,
00:03:24 --> 00:03:29 life is too short for unnecessary drama, especially in the comments section.
00:03:29 --> 00:03:35 And let me tell you about Mr. Fabulous himself. He's flamboyant. Okay? I tell you.
00:03:36 --> 00:03:41 Oh my god! What are you doing? I'm screaming.
00:03:41 --> 00:03:45 Over the top. And always crossing boundaries.
00:03:45 --> 00:03:51 He's that person who thinks being outrageous gives him a free pass to say whatever, and it doesn't.
00:03:51 --> 00:03:56 We got mutual friends, okay? So, of course, the story got a remix from his side,
00:03:56 --> 00:03:58 and suddenly, I'm the bad guy.
00:04:01 --> 00:04:07 So, not only are you a bully, but now you're a proven liar, a big old liar.
00:04:07 --> 00:04:08 You have a lot of audacity.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:13 I've always tolerated his antics, and honestly, I shouldn't have.
00:04:13 --> 00:04:18 My sister, I blocked him previously because of his slick disrespectful interactions.
00:04:18 --> 00:04:22 But somehow because, you know, we have mutual friends and he just kept slithering
00:04:22 --> 00:04:23 his way back in the picture.
00:04:24 --> 00:04:27 And you know how it goes. People, you know, they're just trying to make excuses
00:04:27 --> 00:04:29 for certain disrespectful behavior.
00:04:30 --> 00:04:33 You know, that's just how he is. But that all meant I had to deal with it.
00:04:33 --> 00:04:36 You know what I mean? So let me tell you something. When someone consistently
00:04:36 --> 00:04:41 crosses the line, that's not a personality trait. That's flat-out disrespect.
00:04:41 --> 00:04:46 There's nothing cute or quirky about making people feel small for your entertainment.
00:04:47 --> 00:04:50 And it's not just me. I remember hosting a live conversation.
00:04:50 --> 00:04:53 It was on dating. It was a good topic.
00:04:53 --> 00:04:58 And we had good vibes as a mixture of fun and serious discussion.
00:04:58 --> 00:05:04 And here he comes, stomping into the room with the same disrespectful energy like he always brings.
00:05:05 --> 00:05:09 It wasn't even five minutes before he typed in the comments,
00:05:09 --> 00:05:12 this is why you are all single right now.
00:05:12 --> 00:05:18 Really? I mean, you are insulting every woman in the room like you were invited
00:05:18 --> 00:05:20 to be our unlicensed therapist.
00:05:21 --> 00:05:27 So first and foremost, my girl, who is a stand-up comedian, she's very sharp, quick, and witty.
00:05:27 --> 00:05:31 And she is not for the nonsense. She was up on the camera.
00:05:32 --> 00:05:36 So she read him for filth. And I just happened to have a little clip of that
00:05:36 --> 00:05:40 read that she did. Don't say that's a woman who is of great intelligence.
00:05:40 --> 00:05:42 I ain't never had a problem not getting a man, never keeping a man.
00:05:43 --> 00:05:46 Don't say that's why y'all sing a bitch. What you saying, just know you ain't
00:05:46 --> 00:05:48 paying shit over here, so you don't even speak on shit over here.
00:05:48 --> 00:05:51 I got to hate on you. You ain't even got a real picture you up.
00:05:51 --> 00:05:54 So worry about you and stop worrying about me, because when you and my business,
00:05:54 --> 00:05:56 I need help. Yeah, that's the
00:05:56 --> 00:05:59 kind of energy he brought because she don't usually interact like that.
00:05:59 --> 00:06:03 But he was pressing buttons in the comments. So, of course, he got blocked on the spot from her.
00:06:04 --> 00:06:08 And the sad part about this particular person is that he's lost several close
00:06:08 --> 00:06:11 friends because of his antics.
00:06:11 --> 00:06:15 And it just goes to show you that there's no value of your presence in his life
00:06:15 --> 00:06:20 or your friendship because he's so blatantly disrespectful.
00:06:21 --> 00:06:25 So that's the thing about him. His interactions are always leaving a sour aftertaste
00:06:25 --> 00:06:27 in your mouth. It's like spoiled milk.
00:06:27 --> 00:06:32 It really makes you stop and think, why do some people think it's okay to get
00:06:32 --> 00:06:33 their laughs at someone else's expense?
00:06:34 --> 00:06:36 Are we suffering with insecurity?
00:06:36 --> 00:06:42 Do you need some attention? Or more importantly, where's the line between joking and bullying?
00:06:43 --> 00:06:47 Because what I've learned the hard way is that that line does exist.
00:06:47 --> 00:06:51 And once someone crosses it, you have every right to protect your peace.
00:06:51 --> 00:06:54 Now, before I get knee deep, I got a quick message for you.
00:06:54 --> 00:06:59 Hey, everyone. I had a blast on the Sip With Summers podcast with the fabulous Jennifer Summers.
00:06:59 --> 00:07:03 In episode nine, we're talking about intimacy and dating over 40.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:06 Laughs, wisdom, and a little tea included.
00:07:06 --> 00:07:10 Catch a sneak peek right here. And don't forget to check out the podcast for
00:07:10 --> 00:07:14 more great convos. Plus, join me live on my YouTube channel this Thursday,
00:07:14 --> 00:07:18 January 30th, 7 p.m. Central Standard Time, 8 p.m.
00:07:18 --> 00:07:21 Eastern Standard Time. Subscribe and turn on your notifications.
00:07:21 --> 00:07:24 You don't want to miss this conversation. I love everything that you're sharing.
00:07:24 --> 00:07:30 And I'm curious. So let's say a listener is maybe out of a relationship and
00:07:30 --> 00:07:32 they're looking to get back out there and start dating.
00:07:33 --> 00:07:37 What's the biggest piece of advice that you can share with somebody in that situation?
00:07:37 --> 00:07:42 Never underestimate your worth. Not saying being snobbish, not saying being
00:07:42 --> 00:07:47 cocky or you're too good for this and too good for that, but do not devalue
00:07:47 --> 00:07:51 yourself because I think sometimes and I found myself doing this when I started dating.
00:07:51 --> 00:07:55 I started entertaining things that I really shouldn't have been entertaining,
00:07:55 --> 00:07:57 whether it be conversation, hanging out with them.
00:07:58 --> 00:08:03 I knew that wasn't my vibe. I devalued myself just to get out there and I think,
00:08:03 --> 00:08:05 oh, maybe I'm being too this, too that.
00:08:05 --> 00:08:09 No, you're not. But if you vibe just online, for example, the guy that I started
00:08:09 --> 00:08:14 my podcast out with the horror date, I knew I should have stopped wasting my
00:08:14 --> 00:08:16 time, but I entertained it anyway.
00:08:21 --> 00:08:24 Now the kind of toxic friendship i dealt
00:08:24 --> 00:08:27 with on that live stream that was a very loud
00:08:27 --> 00:08:30 and obvious situation you know
00:08:30 --> 00:08:36 it's like a bad wig at a sunday service plain as day you cannot mistake it but
00:08:36 --> 00:08:41 let's talk about the sneaky ones the under the radar types the people that you
00:08:41 --> 00:08:47 call true friends but they've been holding this knife behind their back the
00:08:47 --> 00:08:49 whole time while they're your homie.
00:08:49 --> 00:08:51 Just waiting for the right moment to use it. That's all.
00:08:52 --> 00:08:55 These are the ones that don't openly insult you.
00:08:55 --> 00:09:02 They are way too smart for that. Instead, they disguise as constructive criticism.
00:09:02 --> 00:09:05 Like, you know, you share a win. Maybe you're starting a business,
00:09:06 --> 00:09:09 changing your lifestyle, or just growing as
00:09:09 --> 00:09:12 a person and here they come with them backhanded comments
00:09:12 --> 00:09:15 you trying to be all fancy now huh well I
00:09:15 --> 00:09:19 mean it's cute you know that you're doing that but don't forget where you came
00:09:19 --> 00:09:25 from and people will do that because they love to drag people since when does
00:09:25 --> 00:09:29 progress come off a side of shade what makes this more dangerous is that you
00:09:29 --> 00:09:33 trust these people you've invited them into your personal space.
00:09:34 --> 00:09:37 You've told them your dreams, your struggles, your plans.
00:09:38 --> 00:09:42 You know, instead of cheering you on, they are quietly working against you.
00:09:42 --> 00:09:47 I had a friend, someone who I thought was family, and I confided in them.
00:09:47 --> 00:09:50 I shared my goals, my vision, everything with this person.
00:09:51 --> 00:09:54 And all while they were throwing little roadblocks my way.
00:09:55 --> 00:09:59 You know, maybe it was planting seeds of doubt, delaying things I asked for
00:09:59 --> 00:10:02 help with, or just keeping me stuck in their negativity.
00:10:03 --> 00:10:06 It's one thing to deal with an enemy that's outside your camp,
00:10:06 --> 00:10:10 but it's very different and a different kind of heartbreak when it's a sabotage
00:10:10 --> 00:10:12 that's coming from someone that you've let into your inner circle.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:17 But we got to keep in mind, some people aren't drawn to you for who you are.
00:10:18 --> 00:10:23 They're drawn to your light. And while your light can inspire and uplift others,
00:10:23 --> 00:10:25 it also attracts some bottom feeders.
00:10:25 --> 00:10:29 You know, the ones that feed off your energy but never give anything back.
00:10:29 --> 00:10:34 And I call them bottom feeders because they operate from a place of lack.
00:10:34 --> 00:10:38 They see your shine and instead of celebrating it, they resent it.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:41 They pretend to support you and they clap for you in public.
00:10:41 --> 00:10:43 But behind closed doors, there's a bit of bitterness.
00:10:44 --> 00:10:48 It's like, how dare you be out here shining while I'm stuck in my own mess?
00:10:48 --> 00:10:50 Trust me, I've been there several times.
00:10:51 --> 00:10:56 And the worst part is you don't catch on right away because they applaud you
00:10:56 --> 00:10:58 just enough to keep you hooked.
00:10:58 --> 00:11:03 But they got some resentment that's eventually going to spill over. It will be very obvious.
00:11:03 --> 00:11:08 Maybe it's a little slick comment, a slight dig or a moment where they don't
00:11:08 --> 00:11:10 show up for you when you need it the most.
00:11:11 --> 00:11:15 It's those little things that start to add up until you finally realize they
00:11:15 --> 00:11:18 were never rooting for you. They were just rooting for your downfall.
00:11:21 --> 00:11:26 The lesson here, though, is to protect your space, your energy and your light,
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 because not everyone who smiles on your face is a friend.
00:11:30 --> 00:11:32 Some people are just waiting for a chance to dim your glow.
00:11:33 --> 00:11:37 And when you start to notice these signs, you don't need to hesitate on acting
00:11:37 --> 00:11:41 because real friends don't criticize your growth. They are supposed to celebrate it.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:46 Real friends don't resent your light. They stand beside you and let it shine even brighter.
00:11:47 --> 00:11:50 But there are some lessons learned going through this. Keep in mind,
00:11:50 --> 00:11:54 just because someone's in your circle doesn't mean they're in your corner.
00:11:54 --> 00:11:58 There's a big difference between a friend who uplifts you and one who's just
00:11:58 --> 00:12:00 hanging around waiting for a chance to pull you down.
00:12:00 --> 00:12:02 And sometimes you don't even notice
00:12:02 --> 00:12:05 the weight of those toxic friendships until you finally let them go.
00:12:05 --> 00:12:09 And feel like, oh, I'm so much lighter without this in my life.
00:12:09 --> 00:12:10 Like, ooh, I feel so much better.
00:12:11 --> 00:12:15 Boundaries are absolutely key. The moment somebody makes you feel less than,
00:12:15 --> 00:12:20 whether it's through a so-called joke, a comment, or they're just overall energy,
00:12:21 --> 00:12:22 it's time to draw the line.
00:12:22 --> 00:12:25 It's not even one of those faint cancel lines either.
00:12:25 --> 00:12:29 I'm talking about big, bold, sharpie level boundaries.
00:12:30 --> 00:12:33 Standing up for yourself doesn't make you mean or sensitive. It makes you sane.
00:12:34 --> 00:12:38 I'm too grown to be sitting around here letting somebody chip away at my self-esteem,
00:12:38 --> 00:12:43 okay? Because they think they're funny or they might be doing some self-reflection.
00:12:43 --> 00:12:46 That's the value they have on themselves.
00:12:47 --> 00:12:51 Accountability is non-negotiable for me. If you can't own your actions,
00:12:51 --> 00:12:57 your words, or the mess you leave behind and you don't deserve this access to me, it's that simple.
00:12:57 --> 00:13:02 I've got too much going on in my life to be dealing with people who refuse to check themselves.
00:13:03 --> 00:13:07 Accountability is a two-way street and I'm not interested in doing all the driving.
00:13:08 --> 00:13:12 And the sad part, as far as I've seen, a lot of men are coming for women and being this shady.
00:13:12 --> 00:13:17 And I want to talk about this man specifically, because I'm far too grown to
00:13:17 --> 00:13:22 be disrespected by someone who's out here buying companionship like it's a door dash order.
00:13:23 --> 00:13:27 I mean, you want to throw stones at anybody's life. I'm not out here at least
00:13:27 --> 00:13:29 paying for something that you can get for free.
00:13:30 --> 00:13:34 It's honestly sad when a grown man treats people he calls friends with such
00:13:34 --> 00:13:36 blatant narcissistic behavior.
00:13:36 --> 00:13:41 Like, sir, are you okay? Being a narcissist often stems from childhood issues.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:45 Hurt people really do hurt people.
00:13:45 --> 00:13:50 But instead of healing, they double down and project that same traumatic energy
00:13:50 --> 00:13:52 onto everyone around them.
00:13:52 --> 00:13:56 It's like they're stuck in this endless cycle of their own chaos,
00:13:56 --> 00:13:59 making everyone else pay for it. And that's exhausting.
00:14:00 --> 00:14:04 The lesson here is simple. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat
00:14:04 --> 00:14:08 you, when you tolerate the disrespect. Even if it is a joke.
00:14:09 --> 00:14:14 You're giving them permission to keep doing it. And you don't set that boundary. You don't cut them off.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:17 And I'm not saying, you know, when y'all have that natural thing,
00:14:17 --> 00:14:19 but when they're going too far, mm-mm.
00:14:19 --> 00:14:23 It's a whole lot more satisfying than trying to win an argument or prove your
00:14:23 --> 00:14:25 point to someone who doesn't care.
00:14:26 --> 00:14:30 Let me leave you guys with this. If you've been dealing with people who love
00:14:30 --> 00:14:34 to push your buttons or treat you like you're a personal punching bag,
00:14:35 --> 00:14:38 you don't owe anyone your peace
00:14:38 --> 00:14:41 not a friend not a family member not the
00:14:41 --> 00:14:44 funny guy in the comments if they can't respect you
00:14:44 --> 00:14:47 they can't sit at the table period that's just
00:14:47 --> 00:14:50 how it is and as for mr fabulous bless
00:14:50 --> 00:14:54 his heart you better find a new hobby because roasting
00:14:54 --> 00:14:56 me is officially off the menu you can take his
00:14:56 --> 00:14:59 sass his receipts and his misplaced jokes
00:14:59 --> 00:15:03 somewhere else because this grandma is not playing bingo
00:15:03 --> 00:15:06 with disrespect anymore now before
00:15:06 --> 00:15:09 you go make sure you hit that subscribe button so you don't
00:15:09 --> 00:15:14 miss a single episode of this good old mature wisdom and a splash of shade follow
00:15:14 --> 00:15:19 me on all social media at talk to me michelle and show some love to the mbg
00:15:19 --> 00:15:24 podcast network where black podcasters are out here spreading black excellence
00:15:24 --> 00:15:27 and hey if you're feeling generous and want to keep this podcast thriving,
00:15:28 --> 00:15:33 visit me at buymeacoffee.com backslash talktomemichelle to show your support.
00:15:33 --> 00:15:38 Until next time, y'all, keep shining, protect your peace, and don't let anybody
00:15:38 --> 00:15:41 dim your light. I'm out, y'all. Peace.