Welcome to another entertaining episode of "Talk to Me, Michele," where we delve into the often complex and humorous dynamics of older women dating younger men. In this episode, Michele challenges the stereotype of the "cougar" label, unraveling its clichés and misconceptions, and shares personal anecdotes that highlight the genuine connections beyond age.
Join us as we explore the perks of such relationships, from fresh perspectives and youthful spontaneity to unexpected pitfalls and generational gaps. Michele offers insights on maintaining boundaries, recognizing red flags, and truly understanding what it means to date with maturity and respect.
Whether navigating these waters yourself or simply curious about the topic, this episode offers laughter, wisdom, and a new appreciation for the intricate beauty of older women-men relationships. Don't miss Michele's practical advice and reflections on self-worth and authenticity. Tune in for an engaging discussion that might change your perspective on age and attraction.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:26 Music.
00:00:26 --> 00:00:30 And we are kicking it off with another episode of Talk to Me, Michelle.
00:00:30 --> 00:00:34 I am your host, Michelle. Y'all already know that's with one L.
00:00:34 --> 00:00:38 So I hope 2025 has been good to y'all so far.
00:00:38 --> 00:00:40 But I'm going to tell you right now, even though it's only January.
00:00:41 --> 00:00:48 I've already been approached by a younger man whose first words to me were, you must be a cougar.
00:00:48 --> 00:00:50 A cougar? Really?
00:00:51 --> 00:00:54 Do I look like I'm out here prowling in the wild hunting for a snack?
00:00:55 --> 00:00:58 The word works my nerves every time I hear it.
00:00:58 --> 00:01:02 It's like, sir, I'm not sizing you up for dinner. I just happen to be standing
00:01:02 --> 00:01:04 here minding my business.
00:01:04 --> 00:01:08 But let's be honest, the whole cougar label is such a tired cliche.
00:01:09 --> 00:01:13 It makes it sound like mature women are out here chasing men like it's a sport.
00:01:14 --> 00:01:19 Listen, I may enjoy the occasional glance at a younger man, but it's not because he's younger.
00:01:19 --> 00:01:22 It's because he's got something intriguing about him.
00:01:22 --> 00:01:29 Besides, more than often, if not, it's them chasing me, and not always for the right reasons.
00:01:29 --> 00:01:34 So in this episode, I'm going to get into the complex, sometimes hilarious,
00:01:34 --> 00:01:38 and occasionally frustrating dynamics of older women dating younger men.
00:01:39 --> 00:01:43 We're talking about the perks, yes, there are a few, and the pitfalls,
00:01:43 --> 00:01:48 the red flags, like they were more interested in my Wi-Fi password than my personality.
00:01:49 --> 00:01:54 I'll share some real stories, including the guy who thought I was his ticket to a new PlayStation.
00:01:55 --> 00:01:59 And we'll bust some myths along the way. Whether you're curious,
00:01:59 --> 00:02:03 cautious, or just along for the laughs, this is the episode for you.
00:02:04 --> 00:02:06 Let's talk about the word cougar.
00:02:07 --> 00:02:11 First off, who decided that mature women needed an animal nickname?
00:02:12 --> 00:02:18 I mean, really, men date younger women all the time, and nobody's out here calling them wolves or lions.
00:02:19 --> 00:02:24 But for women, suddenly we're predators stalking the jungle of tender.
00:02:24 --> 00:02:29 But I don't have the energy to chase anything but a good deal on the Macy's rack.
00:02:29 --> 00:02:35 Here's the thing. Yes, I've been attracted to younger men, but it's not because
00:02:35 --> 00:02:36 I'm out here hunting for fresh meat.
00:02:37 --> 00:02:40 It's not like I'm sitting on the corner bar with binoculars,
00:02:40 --> 00:02:43 you know, scouting the crowd for the baby-faced 20-something-year-old.
00:02:44 --> 00:02:47 Attraction isn't about a man's age. It's about who he is.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:53 It's about his confidence, how he carries himself, and most importantly,
00:02:53 --> 00:02:58 whether he knows how to hold an adult conversation without bringing up Fortnite.
00:02:59 --> 00:03:05 The reality of mature women dating is a lot less scandalous than cougar labels suggest.
00:03:06 --> 00:03:08 We're not out here prowling. We're just living our best life.
00:03:09 --> 00:03:12 And if someone younger happens to catch our eye, so be it.
00:03:13 --> 00:03:18 But let me be very clear. It's not about the age. It's about the compatibility,
00:03:19 --> 00:03:21 the maturity, and the connection.
00:03:21 --> 00:03:26 If you're mature, respectful, and you can make me laugh, you've got my attention.
00:03:27 --> 00:03:31 If you're only here for snacks and a PlayStation, please keep it moving.
00:03:31 --> 00:03:35 So for all the younger men who think calling me a cougar is some kind of compliment,
00:03:36 --> 00:03:38 let me say this. Please save it.
00:03:39 --> 00:03:43 Flattery works better when it doesn't involve comparing me to a wild animal.
00:03:43 --> 00:03:50 Let me break it down for you. Dating an older woman is like upgrading to first class.
00:03:50 --> 00:03:55 You're not getting the turbulence. You're not getting the drama or someone asking,
00:03:55 --> 00:03:57 what are we every five minutes?
00:03:57 --> 00:03:58 You're getting somebody who
00:03:58 --> 00:04:04 knows herself, who knows what she wants and doesn't have time to waste.
00:04:04 --> 00:04:08 That's the whole different vibe. And trust me, that's a perk.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:11 First, let's talk maturity and emotional intelligence.
00:04:12 --> 00:04:15 An older woman isn't going to blow up your phone because you didn't text back
00:04:15 --> 00:04:17 in the first five minutes.
00:04:17 --> 00:04:21 We understand that life happens. People get busy, unless, of course,
00:04:22 --> 00:04:25 you ghost us entirely, in which case, good luck finding someone else who'll
00:04:25 --> 00:04:26 tolerate your nonsense.
00:04:27 --> 00:04:32 Then there's stability, financial, emotional, and just in life.
00:04:33 --> 00:04:38 We've gone through so much nonsense back in our 20s and figuring it out in our 30s.
00:04:38 --> 00:04:42 By now, we know how to pay a bill on time, balance a budget,
00:04:42 --> 00:04:45 pack a proper lunch for work and fun snacks for the weekend.
00:04:45 --> 00:04:51 We got our stuff together. and that's not just attractive that's a whole vibe,
00:04:51 --> 00:04:56 Oh, and confidence, that's the cherry on top because we don't play any games.
00:04:56 --> 00:05:01 If we like you, we will tell you. If we don't, you'll know that too.
00:05:02 --> 00:05:06 None of this read between the lines foolishness. We've already read between
00:05:06 --> 00:05:09 the lines. We know the subtext. We know the fine print. So we good.
00:05:10 --> 00:05:15 I remember when a younger guy once said to me, you're so confident. It's intimidating.
00:05:15 --> 00:05:19 And I just had to laugh and say, you know, baby, confidence,
00:05:19 --> 00:05:22 if that scares you, you're not ready for me then and
00:05:22 --> 00:05:25 it turns out he wasn't but he learned a lesson that day
00:05:25 --> 00:05:28 dating an older woman is more about
00:05:28 --> 00:05:33 the obvious it's about the connection the wisdom knowing you've got somebody
00:05:33 --> 00:05:37 in your corner who's already done the work to be her best self the only thing
00:05:37 --> 00:05:42 we're asking in return is that you bring your a game otherwise just stay in
00:05:42 --> 00:05:48 coach really so younger men please take notes And ladies, remember,
00:05:48 --> 00:05:52 we are the prize, not the participation trophy.
00:05:52 --> 00:05:57 Now, there are some perks and pitfalls on having a younger partner.
00:05:57 --> 00:06:01 So let's just be straight up about it because dating a younger man can be a
00:06:01 --> 00:06:06 bit more like ordering a mystery cocktail at the bar because you're not entirely
00:06:06 --> 00:06:07 sure of what you're going to be getting.
00:06:07 --> 00:06:10 But sometimes it's surprisingly refreshing.
00:06:10 --> 00:06:15 A younger man can bring a fresh energy and perspective that keeps life interesting.
00:06:15 --> 00:06:19 They'll introduce you to new music, trendy slang, and of course,
00:06:19 --> 00:06:23 you're going to have to Google that later, and random TikTok dances that you've
00:06:23 --> 00:06:25 never even dreamed about attempting even in your own bedroom.
00:06:26 --> 00:06:30 The perks, they're there. The younger men are fun.
00:06:30 --> 00:06:34 They're spontaneous and have a way of reminding you to loosen up a little.
00:06:34 --> 00:06:38 And they have such optimism. You know, younger men can be so hopeful.
00:06:39 --> 00:06:42 They still believe in things like in starting a podcast about their million
00:06:42 --> 00:06:47 dollar idea or creating a six pack with a single 30 day fitness challenge.
00:06:48 --> 00:06:53 It's cute, delusional, but cute. But let's not skip over the pitfalls.
00:06:54 --> 00:06:58 Generational differences can hit you like a brick wall. If you're making a joke
00:06:58 --> 00:07:02 about pagers, and it may sound like you're speaking ancient Greek to them.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:05 You mean like Texan? No, I ain't talking about no Texan.
00:07:06 --> 00:07:09 Talking about pagers. This is before your time.
00:07:09 --> 00:07:15 Or the time they may ask you to watch a movie with them, and it turns out to be a Marvel marathon.
00:07:16 --> 00:07:20 Look, I like a good superhero flick, but I ain't sitting there for four hours.
00:07:22 --> 00:07:24 Looking at all these different superheroes.
00:07:24 --> 00:07:26 I'm sorry. How old is Captain America?
00:07:26 --> 00:07:30 Just to feel some sense of connection. I need to look this up.
00:07:30 --> 00:07:30 Where am I going to Google it?
00:07:31 --> 00:07:37 Then there's the tech habits. Why do younger men feel the need to FaceTime every little thing?
00:07:38 --> 00:07:41 I don't need to see your face every time. Like, you know, what's for dinner?
00:07:42 --> 00:07:46 Just text me like a normal person. And y'all have to also realize I might be
00:07:46 --> 00:07:48 in a mode where I don't feel like FaceTiming.
00:07:48 --> 00:07:53 Just listen to my voice. That's what you need to do. We'll save a face time for another occasion.
00:07:54 --> 00:07:58 The maturity gap can also be a challenge because sometimes you'll find yourself
00:07:58 --> 00:08:02 playing the role of a teacher or therapist or heaven forbid, a babysitter.
00:08:03 --> 00:08:08 There's only so much figuring out things that I could tolerate before I need
00:08:08 --> 00:08:09 you to figure me out instead.
00:08:10 --> 00:08:14 So while a younger partner can bring excitement and energy, it's important to
00:08:14 --> 00:08:17 balance that with realistic goals.
00:08:17 --> 00:08:21 Because sometimes you just might need to say, look, I like your enthusiasm. I do.
00:08:22 --> 00:08:25 But I ain't staying up past midnight for no gaming tournament.
00:08:25 --> 00:08:30 And that's okay. Know your boundaries. Laugh at the differences and enjoy the ride.
00:08:31 --> 00:08:35 Now, there is a thing called Sugar Mama Hunters. And I want to go over some
00:08:35 --> 00:08:40 of the warning signs because that's the not so fun side of the younger man dynamic.
00:08:41 --> 00:08:46 The sugar mama hunters, you know, the type they come in all smooth and charming,
00:08:46 --> 00:08:51 but their real goal isn't love or connection. It's just your credit card limit.
00:08:51 --> 00:08:55 I'm going to tell you a quick story of this guy I knew. And when we first met,
00:08:55 --> 00:09:01 he was all flirty, flattering, throwing out lines like, you know, you're so wise and sexy.
00:09:01 --> 00:09:06 It's like a queen. Usually my red flag goes up when somebody starts saying queen.
00:09:06 --> 00:09:09 Because that's my first red flag. I'll explain that in another episode.
00:09:09 --> 00:09:11 But don't get me wrong. I love a good compliment.
00:09:12 --> 00:09:15 But then the request came. Like first it was like, you know,
00:09:15 --> 00:09:16 can I borrow $20 till Friday?
00:09:17 --> 00:09:21 Then my car is acting up. I need some money for repairs. And so you basically
00:09:21 --> 00:09:26 interviewing me to be your personal ATM. Boy, bye.
00:09:27 --> 00:09:31 Then there's the younger man with the collector mentality.
00:09:32 --> 00:09:34 And this one tickles the crap out of me.
00:09:34 --> 00:09:38 I'm not going to lie because this is the type of man that brags about only dating
00:09:38 --> 00:09:41 older women. Like it's some kind of sport.
00:09:41 --> 00:09:46 You know, you'll hear stuff like I've been with women in their 40s, 50s and up. I got a type.
00:09:47 --> 00:09:50 And you have to look at them like, you know, yo, I'm not an action figure for
00:09:50 --> 00:09:53 your little collection. So you're going to go play somewhere else.
00:09:54 --> 00:09:59 So how do you spot a sugar mama hunter before you're roped into this financial
00:09:59 --> 00:10:04 lifestyle? A couple of warning signs is they're going to constantly ask to borrow
00:10:04 --> 00:10:06 money or make requests for gifts.
00:10:06 --> 00:10:12 If he's always forgetting his wallet, dropping hints about a new gaming console
00:10:12 --> 00:10:16 he wants, major red flag. You're dating. You're not running a charity.
00:10:17 --> 00:10:21 The next one is immature behavior, excused by charm.
00:10:21 --> 00:10:25 Yeah, he might be funny. He might be sweet. But there's consistency when he's
00:10:25 --> 00:10:31 being late, he's forgetful, reckless, and shrugs off things with a smile.
00:10:31 --> 00:10:33 So you can't let this man's charm fool you.
00:10:34 --> 00:10:38 Immaturity isn't cute when you're the one cleaning up after it.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:43 Many need to understand to stop bragging on stuff they did before y'all started
00:10:43 --> 00:10:46 dating. Especially when you bragging about dating older women.
00:10:46 --> 00:10:52 If he's treating you like a status symbol or using your age as a punchline it
00:10:52 --> 00:10:56 is time to move on this is not a ticket to impress your friends.
00:10:57 --> 00:11:00 Over-reliance on your stability, yeah, that's going to be a problem because
00:11:00 --> 00:11:05 if he gets too comfortable with you in your home, your car, your resources,
00:11:06 --> 00:11:09 you know, he's leaning a little too hard on what you've worked for.
00:11:09 --> 00:11:14 It's worth questioning the intentions. I had a girlfriend that had a situation like that.
00:11:15 --> 00:11:20 Been dating this dude. Next thing I know, he done moved in. His child done moved in.
00:11:20 --> 00:11:23 The house is in the uproar. Ladies, remember this.
00:11:23 --> 00:11:28 Being with someone younger can be fun. It can be exciting, but if they're making
00:11:28 --> 00:11:32 you feel like a sugar mama or a trophy, it's definitely time to reevaluate.
00:11:33 --> 00:11:38 Let me clear up some misunderstandings about older women, because I don't want
00:11:38 --> 00:11:40 y'all to think that older women are easy targets.
00:11:40 --> 00:11:45 Just because women are mature doesn't mean they're desperate.
00:11:45 --> 00:11:50 The idea that mature women will tolerate bad behavior just to have companionship?
00:11:50 --> 00:11:57 No, that's a misunderstanding so big it should come with its own PSA. And here's the deal.
00:11:57 --> 00:12:01 Being older doesn't mean we've lowered our standards.
00:12:01 --> 00:12:04 If anything, it's the opposite, the complete opposite.
00:12:04 --> 00:12:08 We've been through enough nonsense in our lives to know what we want,
00:12:08 --> 00:12:12 what we don't want, and what we absolutely will not tolerate.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:19 You think I'm going to put up with canceled plans, lies, or excuses just so I'm not alone?
00:12:19 --> 00:12:25 Yo, I got wine. I got a good book. I got a blunt. I got a good couch and a nice
00:12:25 --> 00:12:27 cozy blanket that says otherwise.
00:12:27 --> 00:12:30 Now, don't get me wrong. Sometimes loneliness does creep in.
00:12:30 --> 00:12:35 It's human to be lonely, but it doesn't mean that you have to settle.
00:12:35 --> 00:12:40 In fact, knowing your worth as a mature woman is the ultimate power move.
00:12:40 --> 00:12:44 We're not here for the games or the red flags. We're just here for respect,
00:12:45 --> 00:12:51 joy, and someone who knows the difference between a compliment and a backhanded remark about our age.
00:12:51 --> 00:12:54 And here's my message to all my fellow mature women.
00:12:55 --> 00:12:59 Set your boundaries and stick to them. Don't let anyone make you feel like you
00:12:59 --> 00:13:02 need to compromise who you are just for the sake of companionship.
00:13:02 --> 00:13:05 We are not placeholders in someone else's life.
00:13:05 --> 00:13:07 We're the whole damn centerpiece.
00:13:08 --> 00:13:12 And lastly, take a moment for some self-reflection. Ask yourself,
00:13:13 --> 00:13:15 what do you really want in a relationship?
00:13:15 --> 00:13:20 Is the age difference adding to your happiness or is it creating unnecessary challenges?
00:13:20 --> 00:13:24 Be honest about your goals and make sure that they align with your partners.
00:13:24 --> 00:13:28 Because at the end of the day, whether he's older, younger, or somewhere in
00:13:28 --> 00:13:33 between, the real goal is finding someone who gets you, appreciates you,
00:13:33 --> 00:13:36 and adding to your peace, not your problems.
00:13:37 --> 00:13:40 And if that's not what's on the menu, send it back to the kitchen.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:46 So ladies, let's wrap this up with some good old-fashioned advice and the kind
00:13:46 --> 00:13:49 that comes from years of experience with just a sprinkle of sass.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:55 First of all, be cautious but not closed off because dating can be a minefield,
00:13:55 --> 00:13:58 especially when you're navigating it with someone younger.
00:13:58 --> 00:14:02 But don't let a few bad apples make you lock your heart away in a vault.
00:14:02 --> 00:14:07 Be open to possibilities but keep your wits about you. It's OK to take things
00:14:07 --> 00:14:10 slow or ask hard questions if needed.
00:14:10 --> 00:14:15 Google his name for good measure. And the next one is red flags versus the green flags.
00:14:15 --> 00:14:19 So if you're looking for the flag difference, the red flag is he's constantly
00:14:19 --> 00:14:21 talking about what you could do for him.
00:14:21 --> 00:14:24 The green flag, he's asking how he could support you.
00:14:24 --> 00:14:30 Another red flag, his life looks like a scene from a reality TV show where there's chaos everywhere.
00:14:30 --> 00:14:35 And the green flag indicates that he's got a plan, a purpose, and steady income.
00:14:36 --> 00:14:39 Learn to spot the difference and don't ignore the warning signs just because
00:14:39 --> 00:14:42 he has dimples or he knows how to make you laugh.
00:14:42 --> 00:14:45 I say as almost every episode, trust your intuition.
00:14:46 --> 00:14:50 If something feels off, nine times out of ten it probably is.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:56 Call it your sixth sense, your gut instinct, or just your years of experience kicking in.
00:14:56 --> 00:15:00 You got to listen to it. If stories that he's telling you don't add up or you're
00:15:00 --> 00:15:04 constantly feeling uneasy, don't dismiss that inner voice.
00:15:04 --> 00:15:06 It's saying something for a reason.
00:15:07 --> 00:15:11 Always remember your worth. Let me say this loud enough for the people in the back.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:17 Your value is not tied to someone else's age, approval, or expectations.
00:15:18 --> 00:15:23 You've lived, loved, and learned. You bring wisdom, confidence,
00:15:23 --> 00:15:25 and a presence that no one else can reciprocate.
00:15:26 --> 00:15:30 Don't let anyone make you feel like you're settling just to check some imaginary box.
00:15:31 --> 00:15:33 At the end of the day, whether you're dating someone younger,
00:15:34 --> 00:15:38 older, or not even dating at all, the most important relationship you will ever
00:15:38 --> 00:15:40 have is the one you have with yourself.
00:15:40 --> 00:15:45 So love yourself fiercely, laugh abruptly, at all, and never forget,
00:15:45 --> 00:15:48 you're the prize. not the consolation.
00:15:50 --> 00:15:55 So starting this year with self-respect and fun, first and foremost,
00:15:55 --> 00:16:01 ladies and the gents who might be listening, let's recap this whirlwind of wisdom and laughs.
00:16:01 --> 00:16:06 So today we tackle the truth behind the cringe-worthy cougar label.
00:16:07 --> 00:16:11 We also celebrate the perks of dating an older woman and younger partners,
00:16:11 --> 00:16:17 expose those sugar mama hunters, and left you with some solid advice on keeping your crowns straight.
00:16:18 --> 00:16:20 And speaking of crowns, let me leave you with this gem.
00:16:21 --> 00:16:25 Last week, a young man approached me at a grocery store and he flashed me a
00:16:25 --> 00:16:29 smile and said, you must be a cougar. Can I be your cub?
00:16:29 --> 00:16:33 And I had to laugh because I'm like, sweetheart, I'm not running no damn zoo.
00:16:34 --> 00:16:36 Get your ass out of here. That shit was corny as I don't know what.
00:16:37 --> 00:16:41 If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to hit that subscribe button.
00:16:41 --> 00:16:44 Share it with your family and friends. And remember, you can support this show
00:16:44 --> 00:16:50 at BuyMeACoffee.com backslash TalkToMeMichelle with one L.
00:16:51 --> 00:16:56 And also check out the MBG Podcast Network where we are continuing to spread black excellence.
00:16:57 --> 00:17:01 Also, follow me on all social media at TalkToMeMichelle. And please,
00:17:02 --> 00:17:06 subscribe to the YouTube because I do occasionally have live things going on
00:17:06 --> 00:17:07 over there. And it'd be so much fun.
00:17:08 --> 00:17:12 You should join in on the fun. And again, I appreciate y'all.
00:17:12 --> 00:17:15 So we're going to kick off this new year and keep it popping with more great
00:17:15 --> 00:17:17 conversations on Talk To Me Michelle.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:19 Until next time, people. Peace.
00:17:21 --> 00:17:33 Music.
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