In this episode of "Talk to Me, Michelle," our host Michele shares an unexpected and unsettling experience during a home medical appointment. As the holiday season approaches, Michelle dives into the story of a routine visit that took a strange turn, leaving her feeling uncomfortable and violated.
Through humor and reflection, Michelle discusses the importance of setting boundaries and speaking up when something feels off during medical exams. She highlights the prevalence of inappropriate behavior in medical settings and urges listeners to trust their instincts and advocate for their rights.
Join Michelle as she recounts her encounter with a pushy nurse and how her mother's presence seemed to intervene at a critical moment, prompting her to take action. This episode is a reminder of the importance of feeling safe and respected during medical appointments, whether in a doctor's office or in the comfort of your own home.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:27 Music.
00:00:27 --> 00:00:30 Another episode of Talk to Me, Michelle. I am your host, Michelle 1L,
00:00:30 --> 00:00:32 people. What is popping?
00:00:32 --> 00:00:35 I know the trees are up. The Christmas leaves are on the door.
00:00:36 --> 00:00:39 Some of y'all tolerating the eggnog and the Christmas shopping.
00:00:39 --> 00:00:42 And I say, God bless y'all that are physically going out and shopping.
00:00:43 --> 00:00:46 And the only way that's going to happen for me, I just already need to be at
00:00:46 --> 00:00:47 the store and I just happen to see it.
00:00:47 --> 00:00:51 That's just where I'm at with the Christmas shopping, everything online.
00:00:51 --> 00:01:00 But I need to share a recent situation that occurred with me and it occurred with me in my own home.
00:01:00 --> 00:01:04 And this is a medical appointment I had on my calendar.
00:01:04 --> 00:01:09 So this is a service that comes to your home that's in the nurse and they do
00:01:09 --> 00:01:14 a general medical examination, ask you a couple of questions and they take your vitals and they bounce.
00:01:15 --> 00:01:19 But have you ever had one of those home appointments where you just know it's
00:01:19 --> 00:01:21 about to be an adventure the moment it starts?
00:01:22 --> 00:01:26 So this is the story I got for you. I'm going to set the scene because it's
00:01:26 --> 00:01:31 a quiet afternoon. The weather is nice and chill out here in Texas. I love it.
00:01:31 --> 00:01:35 OK, I'm in my kitchen. I'm waiting on this nurse to arrive.
00:01:35 --> 00:01:37 Of course, the nurse is running late.
00:01:38 --> 00:01:41 And she called me to let me know she was on her way.
00:01:41 --> 00:01:44 She called me right at the appointment time. I'm like, okay,
00:01:44 --> 00:01:50 so she Negro late, you know, and she had a very thick accent on the phone and
00:01:50 --> 00:01:52 she sounded a little aggressive on the phone.
00:01:52 --> 00:01:56 I'm like, wait, I'm like, okay, okay, just come on, we can get this done.
00:01:56 --> 00:02:00 I understand there's traffic, you know, people, it happens. You can get stuck in traffic.
00:02:01 --> 00:02:04 But when she finally showed up, you know, she had this presence,
00:02:05 --> 00:02:09 like a soap opera entrance, you know, I'm waiting on the music in the background to play.
00:02:09 --> 00:02:12 Of course, the thick accent, a little pushy.
00:02:12 --> 00:02:17 And right off the beat, you know, this energy that she was giving me was different.
00:02:17 --> 00:02:21 So when she finally got there, introduced each other, and I led her to the kitchen,
00:02:21 --> 00:02:25 which is in the open space of the house so we can, you know,
00:02:25 --> 00:02:26 just get this examination done.
00:02:27 --> 00:02:32 And she didn't just walk in. It was like she commanded the kitchen,
00:02:32 --> 00:02:34 you know, plopped her bag down on the floor.
00:02:34 --> 00:02:37 And like, you know, OK, we're going to do this right here at the kitchen table.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:41 I'm like, okay, I don't mind the kitchen doubling as a clinic today,
00:02:41 --> 00:02:43 but let's, you know, just be chill.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:46 Let's do what we got to do. So the questions start, you know,
00:02:46 --> 00:02:50 the simple questions. How is your health? Have any allergies?
00:02:50 --> 00:02:54 The standard type of questions. Then out of nowhere, she hits me with,
00:02:54 --> 00:02:58 what's your sexual preference? And I'm like, whoa.
00:02:59 --> 00:03:04 I had to pause. I'm like, what? You know, because I'm heterosexual,
00:03:04 --> 00:03:06 and I'm making sure that you understand as well.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:11 Confused on why I'm being asses, but I'm heterosexual. I am attracted to the
00:03:11 --> 00:03:13 men's sisters. I like the men's. Okay.
00:03:14 --> 00:03:18 So she nodded like she was taking notes for a dating profile or something.
00:03:18 --> 00:03:23 That was my first clue. This wasn't going to be an average appointment.
00:03:24 --> 00:03:28 Then she starts to compliment me. You know, oh, your skin is so beautiful.
00:03:29 --> 00:03:32 And I smiled and I said, thank you. Because, you know, who doesn't love a good
00:03:32 --> 00:03:34 compliment, right? But she kept going.
00:03:35 --> 00:03:39 You know, the compliments kept coming. Your arms are so strong.
00:03:39 --> 00:03:41 You know, your veins are so prominent.
00:03:41 --> 00:03:44 I'm like, man, I don't know what the hell we're doing here.
00:03:47 --> 00:03:53 You know, if you want to arm wrestle or I didn't know, are we trying to arm wrestle?
00:03:53 --> 00:03:59 You trying to ask me out? I'm very confused at this point, but it didn't stop there.
00:03:59 --> 00:04:04 When it came time for the eye exam, I had to close my eyes for a few minutes
00:04:04 --> 00:04:06 while she got her equipment ready.
00:04:06 --> 00:04:09 Now, instead of saying something like, you know, can you lean in?
00:04:09 --> 00:04:12 Because I'm sitting right across from her, right in front of her.
00:04:13 --> 00:04:16 And, you know, I got my eyes closed. They had to be closed for five minutes
00:04:16 --> 00:04:19 in order for her to take the right type of photos of my pupils.
00:04:20 --> 00:04:23 And I'm sitting there. And instead of saying, you know, could you lean in closer?
00:04:23 --> 00:04:26 This heifer grabbed the front
00:04:26 --> 00:04:30 of my shirt the neck of the shirt and pulled
00:04:30 --> 00:04:34 me in it wasn't even like a pull it was almost like a yank and
00:04:34 --> 00:04:37 I'm gonna tell y'all something I don't scare
00:04:37 --> 00:04:40 easily but this move right here I was
00:04:40 --> 00:04:43 a little confused like and the shirt I had on was
00:04:43 --> 00:04:46 a v-neck so she yanked me so close that
00:04:46 --> 00:04:49 I was pretty sure my neckline became frontline view
00:04:49 --> 00:04:52 needless to say I was not relaxed at this point I'm blinking
00:04:52 --> 00:04:55 my eyes and you know you have to keep your eyes open
00:04:55 --> 00:04:59 during this examination so they can get the right photos so my
00:04:59 --> 00:05:02 body is responding to what I'm vibing so
00:05:02 --> 00:05:07 of course the first set of photos was ruined and they had to be redone so again
00:05:07 --> 00:05:13 I gotta sit there close my eyes and wait for her to put this machine on my eyes
00:05:13 --> 00:05:18 I can't open my eyes until then but again this heifer don't say nothing she
00:05:18 --> 00:05:21 takes the front of my shirt again and pulls me in Yanks me in.
00:05:22 --> 00:05:28 And at that moment, not only was I feeling uncomfortable, but we heard a thud
00:05:28 --> 00:05:30 at the same time. She was like, what was that?
00:05:31 --> 00:05:34 I think she had just taken the final set of pitches that finally came out right.
00:05:35 --> 00:05:38 And I looked around trying to see where the thug came from.
00:05:38 --> 00:05:41 And like I said, the kitchen's in the open spot of our house.
00:05:41 --> 00:05:47 And my mother's remains are on a mantle in the living area, which is less than half a foot away.
00:05:47 --> 00:05:52 And her picture fell over. Now, let me tell you something.
00:05:52 --> 00:05:58 I know y'all may not believe in divine intervention and spirits that are around you to protect you.
00:05:58 --> 00:06:04 I felt my mama's presence that day because that photo has been up there since her passing.
00:06:04 --> 00:06:11 And it's not close to the ledge and never has it just randomly flopped over like that,
00:06:12 --> 00:06:17 and I can tell when it hit it had a little attitude when it hit you know what
00:06:17 --> 00:06:21 I mean so she jumped she was like oh my god what was that and I told her like
00:06:21 --> 00:06:27 you know this is that's my mama and I promise you whatever energy she was feeling
00:06:27 --> 00:06:30 it got knocked down a peg or two Oh, is she nice?
00:06:30 --> 00:06:32 I'm like, it depends on who you are.
00:06:33 --> 00:06:36 It depends on who you are in the household and what's going on.
00:06:36 --> 00:06:39 So I knew whatever I was vibing, my mama was able to see it.
00:06:40 --> 00:06:43 I'm telling you, my mama came up and was like, bitch, get off my child.
00:06:43 --> 00:06:46 I'm telling you, that's the energy I felt in that moment.
00:06:46 --> 00:06:48 So we wrap up this exam.
00:06:49 --> 00:06:52 So when she left, I first thanked my mama.
00:06:53 --> 00:06:56 And then I sat in the kitchen for a hot second. I was just replaying everything.
00:06:56 --> 00:07:02 Like, am I overthinking? am I exaggerating this situation but I was confirmed
00:07:02 --> 00:07:07 because of course I told my sister and my homegirl Jules about the whole thing and what happened,
00:07:08 --> 00:07:12 And they were like, no, both of them. Now, you need to go ahead and report that
00:07:12 --> 00:07:16 because they were absolutely right when they said, had it been a man that did
00:07:16 --> 00:07:18 that to you, you would have been on the phone.
00:07:19 --> 00:07:23 Absolutely right. Why would I act any differently when a woman does it?
00:07:23 --> 00:07:24 So you're absolutely right.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:30 But even after I report this situation, I really was in deep thought about,
00:07:31 --> 00:07:34 I wonder how many other people this is taking place with.
00:07:34 --> 00:07:38 You know, people that go out and get a medical exam and they're put in awkward
00:07:38 --> 00:07:43 or inappropriate situations and brush it off because they think they may be overreacting.
00:07:44 --> 00:07:50 But all jokes aside, this wasn't OK. I mean, it wasn't professional. I was uncomfortable.
00:07:51 --> 00:07:54 And like I said, I was sitting afterwards wondering how many other people went
00:07:54 --> 00:08:00 through this because I felt awkward, violated, downright unsafe at a point.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:04 Because what are you supposed to do during a medical routine checkup?
00:08:05 --> 00:08:09 And what do you even do in the moment? But here's the thing,
00:08:09 --> 00:08:14 harassment or inappropriate behavior during medical exams is more common than we'd like to admit.
00:08:14 --> 00:08:19 So I started digging around, found some things online after this happened.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:24 And the stories are out there. I mean, there are so many studies that have shown
00:08:24 --> 00:08:29 a significant percentage of people, especially women, report feeling uncomfortable
00:08:29 --> 00:08:32 or experiencing boundary violations during medical appointments.
00:08:33 --> 00:08:36 Now, in some cases, it was, you know, the personal comments they were making
00:08:36 --> 00:08:40 like I experienced and others, it was right out harassment.
00:08:41 --> 00:08:44 Now, I know I'm not alone in this because some of y'all listening have probably
00:08:44 --> 00:08:48 had that one doctor or that one nurse who made you feel uneasy.
00:08:49 --> 00:08:53 Maybe they still a little too close or ask questions that made you pause like,
00:08:53 --> 00:08:57 what does this have to do with my health? and let's not even get started on
00:08:57 --> 00:08:59 those random inappropriate compliments.
00:09:00 --> 00:09:05 I read somewhere that around 30% of women have experienced inappropriate behavior
00:09:05 --> 00:09:06 during medical appointments.
00:09:07 --> 00:09:11 30%! That's nearly one in three.
00:09:11 --> 00:09:15 And when you think about how vulnerable are we at those moments,
00:09:15 --> 00:09:22 whether we're in a gown, you know, a clinic, in my case, my own home.
00:09:22 --> 00:09:27 It's unsettling. And here's the kicker. A lot of people don't even speak up
00:09:27 --> 00:09:33 because we convince ourselves maybe I'm overreacting or they didn't mean it
00:09:33 --> 00:09:35 like that. And we tend to brush it off.
00:09:35 --> 00:09:38 We're afraid of making a scene or being labeled as difficult, right?
00:09:39 --> 00:09:43 But let me tell you something right now. Your comfort is not negotiable.
00:09:43 --> 00:09:47 If something feels off, it probably is. So I've had time to think about it.
00:09:48 --> 00:09:49 And what I realize is this.
00:09:49 --> 00:09:53 We have got to normalize speaking up in these moments.
00:09:53 --> 00:09:58 Whether it's saying I'm not comfortable with that or going straight to the agency
00:09:58 --> 00:10:00 or medical board to report it afterwards.
00:10:00 --> 00:10:04 We got to hold folks accountable because if we don't, who will?
00:10:04 --> 00:10:07 And let me just say this. This isn't just about women.
00:10:08 --> 00:10:13 Men, too, experience this kind of discomfort, but they're even less likely to talk about it.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:18 So if you're listening and this resonates with you, just know you're not alone on it.
00:10:19 --> 00:10:23 The bottom line is whether you're in a doctor's office, at a hospital,
00:10:23 --> 00:10:27 and yes, even your own kitchen, you deserve to feel safe and respected.
00:10:28 --> 00:10:33 Period. Let's not settle for anything less. Now, let's talk about what to do
00:10:33 --> 00:10:38 if you ever find yourself in an uncomfortable situation just like this.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:42 Because let's be honest, sometimes things can catch us off guard and we don't
00:10:42 --> 00:10:43 know how to respond in the moment.
00:10:44 --> 00:10:46 So here are some tips to help you navigate it like a boss.
00:10:47 --> 00:10:51 First thing you got to do is trust your instincts. So if something feels off,
00:10:51 --> 00:10:54 it probably is. Don't talk yourself out of that gut feeling.
00:10:54 --> 00:10:59 You know when someone's energy isn't right. So do not ignore that.
00:10:59 --> 00:11:04 You got to trust yourself. It's better to overreact than to regret staying silent later.
00:11:05 --> 00:11:09 Secondly, you got to speak up in the moment. I get it. Nobody likes confrontation,
00:11:10 --> 00:11:11 especially in awkward situations.
00:11:12 --> 00:11:14 But it's OK to politely, firmly set boundaries.
00:11:15 --> 00:11:19 You know, an example is if somebody is getting too handsy or doing something
00:11:19 --> 00:11:23 that makes you uncomfortable, say something like, I prefer verbal instructions, please.
00:11:24 --> 00:11:28 That's what I should have did. I should have said that. And could you step back a little bit?
00:11:29 --> 00:11:33 Most people will back off when you draw that line. And if they don't,
00:11:33 --> 00:11:36 that's your confirmation that they are in the wrong.
00:11:37 --> 00:11:41 Thirdly, you want to document everything. This is very important because after
00:11:41 --> 00:11:44 that appointment, sit down, write everything down.
00:11:45 --> 00:11:50 Include the date, the time, and what happened. Any specific comments or actions
00:11:50 --> 00:11:51 that made you feel uncomfortable.
00:11:51 --> 00:11:57 It doesn't have to be a novel. Just enough to detail or jog your memory if you
00:11:57 --> 00:11:58 need to follow up on it later.
00:11:58 --> 00:12:01 So this could be a lifesaver if you decide to report it.
00:12:02 --> 00:12:06 Fourth, you need to report it. And speaking of reporting, do it.
00:12:06 --> 00:12:09 I know it feels like it's a hassle, but it is worth it.
00:12:09 --> 00:12:15 Whether it's the visiting agency, a medical board, even law enforcement in more
00:12:15 --> 00:12:17 serious cases, your voice matters.
00:12:17 --> 00:12:21 So you've got to look up these organizations' contact information and explain
00:12:21 --> 00:12:26 what happened, use the documentation you made, and they are required to take
00:12:26 --> 00:12:27 your complaint seriously.
00:12:28 --> 00:12:31 Fifth, advocate for your rights. And let me be crystal clear.
00:12:32 --> 00:12:37 Your comfort and dignity during a medical exam are non-negotiable.
00:12:37 --> 00:12:42 Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. If somebody tries to dismiss your concerns
00:12:42 --> 00:12:46 or make you feel like you're overreacting, remind them that you have every right
00:12:46 --> 00:12:48 to feel safe and respected always.
00:12:49 --> 00:12:55 All right. Y'all, let me just say this. I know I'm a catch. Okay, I know I'm a catch.
00:12:55 --> 00:13:00 But next time, I prefer to catch these type of compliments over mimosas at brunch.
00:13:00 --> 00:13:04 Not in my kitchen. while someone's squeezing my arm and taking my blood pressure.
00:13:04 --> 00:13:09 I will agree on that much. But in all seriousness, let's remember to trust ourselves.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:16 Speak up and advocate for what we deserve, whether it's during a medical visit or in life.
00:13:16 --> 00:13:21 And your comfort zone, your dignity and peace of mind are always the priority.
00:13:21 --> 00:13:27 Now, before you guys go, let me remind you to check out the MBG Podcast Network,
00:13:27 --> 00:13:30 a space dedicated to amplifying voices in black excellence.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:34 And if you're loving this podcast and want to keep the good vibes going,
00:13:35 --> 00:13:41 you can support me by heading to buymeacoffee.com backslash talktomemichelle1L.
00:13:41 --> 00:13:44 Every little bit helps keep these conversations coming.
00:13:44 --> 00:13:49 Follow me on all social media at talktomemichelle. That's on everything.
00:13:49 --> 00:13:52 So until next episode, everybody, peace.
00:13:53 --> 00:14:06 Music.
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