Welcome to another insightful episode of "Talk To Me, Michelle," where we dive into the intriguing world of casual agreements. Join host Michelle, as she explores the dynamics of these non-traditional relationship arrangements that prioritize flexibility and independence.
In this episode, Michelle discusses the importance of mutual understanding and clear communication in maintaining these casual relationships. Discover how setting boundaries and having open conversations can lead to fulfilling connections free from the pressures of traditional relationships.
Whether you're exploring these arrangements for personal growth or adapting them to fit your lifestyle, this episode offers practical advice to help you navigate the challenges and enjoy the perks of casual agreements. Tune in for a comprehensive look at how to approach these connections with confidence and respect.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:25 Music.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:28 Welcome to another episode of Talk To Me, Michelle. Of course,
00:00:28 --> 00:00:31 I am your host, Michelle, and that is with that one L.
00:00:32 --> 00:00:35 Everybody, I hope you guys are doing well, doing fine.
00:00:35 --> 00:00:40 I am just trying to take things in stride because life be lifing out here.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:46 And it brought me to a topic that I found very intriguing and that I am personally
00:00:46 --> 00:00:49 considering, and that's called a casual agreement.
00:00:49 --> 00:00:55 Okay, yeah, yeah, a casual agreement. So that's the type of an agreement that
00:00:55 --> 00:00:57 is a mutual understanding.
00:00:57 --> 00:01:03 You got two people who decide to engage in a connection that's less formal and
00:01:03 --> 00:01:07 typically involves limited emotional or long term commitments.
00:01:07 --> 00:01:13 These arrangements often prioritize flexibility, independence and physical or
00:01:13 --> 00:01:18 emotional connection without the traditional expectations of a romantic relationship.
00:01:19 --> 00:01:25 Now, this can also range from being purely physical. Get rolling and rolling and rolling.
00:01:25 --> 00:01:29 Who might make your head blow up? Or to more setups like, you know,
00:01:29 --> 00:01:33 I need a companion for social events and stuff of that nature.
00:01:33 --> 00:01:38 Now, such agreements have become increasingly common as people explore the diversity
00:01:38 --> 00:01:42 and relationship options that fit their lifestyles and personal preferences.
00:01:43 --> 00:01:48 This could be due to busy schedules. You have a desire to focus more on your personal growth.
00:01:48 --> 00:01:52 Or simply avoiding the complexities of traditional dating.
00:01:52 --> 00:01:58 These casual arrangements offer a space of connection that is defined by the individuals involved.
00:01:59 --> 00:02:04 Now, when it comes to this casual arrangement to work, you both need to have
00:02:04 --> 00:02:08 a mutual understanding. That is critical if you are going to get into this situation,
00:02:08 --> 00:02:09 because both parties got to be
00:02:09 --> 00:02:13 on the same page about the nature and the boundaries of the relationship.
00:02:13 --> 00:02:17 Make sure you're clear because you don't want to have any misaligned expectations
00:02:17 --> 00:02:21 that can lead to confusion, frustration, or even emotional harm.
00:02:22 --> 00:02:27 And keep in mind that consent plays an essential role, not only in the physical
00:02:27 --> 00:02:31 interactions, but also in agreeing to the terms of the arrangement itself.
00:02:31 --> 00:02:36 And both individuals must feel comfortable and respected throughout the relationship.
00:02:36 --> 00:02:40 The main glue, and I mean, this is the guerrilla glue of the whole situation
00:02:40 --> 00:02:43 that keeps this casual arrangement.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:48 It's going to be clarifying the boundaries, keeping open and ongoing communication,
00:02:48 --> 00:02:51 sharing feelings, addressing potential changes.
00:02:51 --> 00:02:56 Just talking honestly is going to ensure that both parties can navigate the
00:02:56 --> 00:02:58 arrangement without any misunderstandings or resentment.
00:02:59 --> 00:03:02 This episode is going to unpack the concept of casual agreements.
00:03:02 --> 00:03:08 It's going to shed some light on how we can work it out and the dynamics that might be involved.
00:03:08 --> 00:03:12 So we're going to be exploring the process of setting clear terms and expectations,
00:03:13 --> 00:03:17 establishing healthy boundaries to ensure the arrangement is both mutually beneficial
00:03:17 --> 00:03:21 and practical advice for navigating the challenges that may arise.
00:03:21 --> 00:03:26 So ultimately, this episode is about helping you guys approach casual relationships
00:03:26 --> 00:03:31 with clarity, respect and confidence in making these connections both fulfilling and drama free.
00:03:34 --> 00:03:37 So first, let's break down what a casual agreement is.
00:03:37 --> 00:03:42 It is a mutually agreed upon connection between two people that is a non-traditional
00:03:42 --> 00:03:48 or typically lacks long term emotional or romantic commitments at its core. It's flexible.
00:03:49 --> 00:03:51 It's adaptable. that's usually getting your groove on
00:03:51 --> 00:03:54 you know the physical intimacy maybe you want
00:03:54 --> 00:03:58 companionship or you want to have shared experiences but
00:03:58 --> 00:04:02 this does not hold obligations of a traditional relationship
00:04:02 --> 00:04:07 so what it is intentional where both parties are aware of and they agree to
00:04:07 --> 00:04:12 the terms is also flexible that's going to allow the individuals to prioritize
00:04:12 --> 00:04:17 personal schedules and their preferences and it's very defined often centered
00:04:17 --> 00:04:20 around specific dynamics whether it's physical, social, or both.
00:04:20 --> 00:04:25 But let me tell you what a casual agreement is not. It is not a traditional
00:04:25 --> 00:04:32 romantic relationship because it avoids all the emotional death and exclusivity associated of dating.
00:04:33 --> 00:04:36 It's also not an undefined or one-sided situation.
00:04:36 --> 00:04:42 Even though it's casual, it still requires some clarity and balance to avoid misunderstandings.
00:04:42 --> 00:04:47 And it's definitely not a for all casual does not mean careless so the boundaries
00:04:47 --> 00:04:49 are there the respect is also essential.
00:04:50 --> 00:04:55 So you may ask yourself, OK, if I'm making this agreement, why can't I just get a relationship?
00:04:55 --> 00:04:58 Let me tell you what the commitment is when it comes to casual agreements.
00:04:58 --> 00:05:02 They're typically to avoid any emotional or long term commitments.
00:05:02 --> 00:05:06 That's focusing just on the present, where if you're in a traditional relationship,
00:05:06 --> 00:05:10 you involve deeper levels of commitment and shared future planning.
00:05:11 --> 00:05:15 Casual agreements can also mean it could be open or exclusive.
00:05:15 --> 00:05:17 That's based on what you two agree upon.
00:05:18 --> 00:05:22 But it's not going to be, oh, I automatically assume that we have this agreement
00:05:22 --> 00:05:25 that we're going to be exclusive. It does not include that whatsoever unless
00:05:25 --> 00:05:27 you make it known in that agreement.
00:05:27 --> 00:05:33 But in a traditional sense, it usually prioritizes exclusivity as its foundation.
00:05:33 --> 00:05:36 So there's different options when it comes to a casual agreement.
00:05:36 --> 00:05:41 You also got to look at the communication expectations where a casual relationship
00:05:41 --> 00:05:45 may require clear communication right up front about the boundaries and terms,
00:05:45 --> 00:05:48 but not an ongoing emotional check in.
00:05:48 --> 00:05:52 That's not going to be as frequent as you would find in a traditional relationship
00:05:52 --> 00:05:57 because a traditional relationship often involves regular emotional engagement,
00:05:57 --> 00:05:59 discussions about growth and the future.
00:05:59 --> 00:06:03 And there's also a difference when it comes to the emotional depth because the
00:06:03 --> 00:06:07 casual side of it, you aim to keep emotions lighter.
00:06:07 --> 00:06:11 You're not going to get too emotionally invested where traditional relationships,
00:06:11 --> 00:06:15 they encourage the emotional intimacy and a deeper connection.
00:06:15 --> 00:06:20 And some people may ask, OK, why would I even be bothered with a casual arrangement?
00:06:21 --> 00:06:25 Number one, it offers you some flexibility. You can focus on your career,
00:06:25 --> 00:06:30 your hobbies, whatever you have prioritized in your life, you can do without
00:06:30 --> 00:06:35 the time and the emotional investment in a traditional relationship that might be demanding.
00:06:36 --> 00:06:39 And you're also avoiding the commitment because it's ideal for those who are
00:06:39 --> 00:06:44 not quite ready for a serious relationship, or maybe they're uninterested in
00:06:44 --> 00:06:47 a long-term responsibility of a serious relationship.
00:06:48 --> 00:06:53 Exploration also offers a way to explore the intimacy and connection with a
00:06:53 --> 00:06:56 low-pressure environment, especially for those who are newly single or you're
00:06:56 --> 00:06:59 experimenting with different relationship styles.
00:06:59 --> 00:07:02 You may want to try a casual situation before you make a serious commitment.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:07 And let's not forget the independent portion of it because it allows individuals
00:07:07 --> 00:07:11 to maintain autonomy while still enjoying companionship or intimacy.
00:07:12 --> 00:07:16 And you can also get personal growth because some casual arrangements can learn
00:07:16 --> 00:07:19 more about themselves, what you want in future relationships.
00:07:19 --> 00:07:25 So it's like taking a relationship on a test drive before you start taking on a monthly car note.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:29 Let's discuss the terms of the agreement because that is super important.
00:07:30 --> 00:07:34 You want to establish certain things when it comes to a casual arrangement.
00:07:34 --> 00:07:37 Number one, are you going to be exclusive? You're going to be open or you're going to be closed?
00:07:38 --> 00:07:42 So this matters because you need to understand whether that relationship is
00:07:42 --> 00:07:44 going to be monogamous or non-monogamous.
00:07:44 --> 00:07:48 So with the foundations already there, you ain't got to worry about any expectations
00:07:48 --> 00:07:51 for the trust and the alignment to take place.
00:07:51 --> 00:07:55 So make sure you point out if you're exclusive to each other in all aspects
00:07:55 --> 00:08:00 or are we open to exploring connections with others? And if you are open,
00:08:00 --> 00:08:03 what are the boundaries that we need to respect?
00:08:03 --> 00:08:08 Another portion is determining the frequency and the nature of the interactions
00:08:08 --> 00:08:13 and establishing how you connect in ways that assures that the relationship
00:08:13 --> 00:08:15 feels balanced and meet each other's needs.
00:08:15 --> 00:08:19 You need to address it because you want to figure out how often we're going to link up.
00:08:20 --> 00:08:24 You know, we're going to do this weekly by weekly. What are there specific activities
00:08:24 --> 00:08:25 or settings that we want to prioritize?
00:08:26 --> 00:08:28 Like you do. You want to go dates? Do you want to have shared hobbies?
00:08:29 --> 00:08:31 And how do you feel about physical intimacy?
00:08:31 --> 00:08:36 And does it align with your expectations as well as the person agreeing with you?
00:08:36 --> 00:08:43 And I'm going to give you a prime example because I am negotiating an agreement myself, I must admit.
00:08:43 --> 00:08:48 But I need a certain setting when I, you know, plan on interacting.
00:08:48 --> 00:08:50 And I want that house clean.
00:08:51 --> 00:08:56 I want the bedsheets clean. I need to smell some downy. I need to have some
00:08:56 --> 00:09:00 flowers in the mix, maybe a bottle of something cold where I could just,
00:09:00 --> 00:09:01 you know, pop a bottle and chill.
00:09:01 --> 00:09:05 That's what I need. All right. So those are going to be part of the agreement.
00:09:06 --> 00:09:10 Also, make sure you are clear on the expectations and the language of the agreement,
00:09:10 --> 00:09:13 because if you have precise terms,
00:09:13 --> 00:09:18 this is going to avoid any type of sensitivity issues like emotional involvement
00:09:18 --> 00:09:21 or like spending the night. Perfect example.
00:09:22 --> 00:09:25 Are there any actions that, you know, you agree to avoid, you know,
00:09:25 --> 00:09:30 no emotional affairs? Are you going to spend the night and how will you communicate
00:09:30 --> 00:09:32 the changes in feelings or boundaries?
00:09:32 --> 00:09:36 So you get into this casual situation and you thought it was going to be one
00:09:36 --> 00:09:37 way, but you start catching feelings.
00:09:38 --> 00:09:42 You need to take a moment and discuss, maybe renegotiate. And what terminology
00:09:42 --> 00:09:44 best defines this relationship?
00:09:44 --> 00:09:48 Are we friends with benefits? Is that your booty friend? You know,
00:09:48 --> 00:09:51 it's all type of titles that we have out here for these situations.
00:09:52 --> 00:09:56 It's important because you need to make sure these key benefits are discussed.
00:09:57 --> 00:10:02 The encouraging of the transparency and honesty is going to reduce the potential for conflict,
00:10:03 --> 00:10:07 the empowerment of both individuals to voice their needs and negotiate compromises,
00:10:07 --> 00:10:12 and create a sense of security and respect, enhancing the overall dynamic.
00:10:12 --> 00:10:16 When it comes to setting the boundaries in this casual situation,
00:10:16 --> 00:10:20 you want to prevent any confusion about the relationship's nature because that's
00:10:20 --> 00:10:26 the critical aspect of this arrangement of maintaining emotional clarity to
00:10:26 --> 00:10:27 avoid any misaligned expectations.
00:10:28 --> 00:10:31 So you need to establish these emotional boundaries so they can help both parties
00:10:31 --> 00:10:35 stay on the same page and prevent any misunderstandings in the near future.
00:10:36 --> 00:10:39 Just clearly state what the arrangement is. You know, if it's going to be purely
00:10:39 --> 00:10:42 physical, you know, are we going to clap cheeks every, you know,
00:10:42 --> 00:10:45 once a month or something like that? It's going to be more than once a month for me.
00:10:45 --> 00:10:49 No, the weed is going to say pop. you need to define the nature of the relationship
00:10:49 --> 00:10:53 early clearly state what it's going to be are we only linking up to clap cheeks
00:10:53 --> 00:10:56 are we going to go out for a coffee every now and then,
00:10:57 --> 00:11:01 the frequency, all that comes into play. But you also need to avoid the behaviors
00:11:01 --> 00:11:06 that blur the lines because if you do activities that mimic traditional romantic
00:11:06 --> 00:11:11 relationships like excessive texting, celebrating milestones,
00:11:12 --> 00:11:16 or over-frequently meetups, that can lead to emotional confusion because I see
00:11:16 --> 00:11:19 that, and I'm going to say me and y'all are famous for doing this.
00:11:19 --> 00:11:23 Y'all will link up with a woman, make the announcement, I don't want a relationship,
00:11:24 --> 00:11:28 I don't want nothing serious. But then you coming over, you getting sandwiches after we bone.
00:11:28 --> 00:11:31 This is more than, you know, a casual situation, my friend.
00:11:32 --> 00:11:37 So you need to kind of pipe down on what you inspect and what's on paper.
00:11:37 --> 00:11:41 And you need to periodically discuss the feelings to ensure that either party
00:11:41 --> 00:11:45 has developed unexpected emotional attachments that can complicate the arrangement.
00:11:45 --> 00:11:48 And just be honest, because if the feelings are beginning to change.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:53 Address them and And be honest about it, because if you feel feelings starting
00:11:53 --> 00:11:58 to change, address them immediately rather than suppressing or acting on them
00:11:58 --> 00:11:59 in ways that could violate the agreement.
00:12:00 --> 00:12:03 Now, if you're going to have the physical link up with this casual arrangement,
00:12:03 --> 00:12:07 you want to have comfort levels and safety measures, because that's going to
00:12:07 --> 00:12:11 make both partners feel safe and enjoyable when you guys do link up.
00:12:11 --> 00:12:16 So you want to establish those comfort levels up front. I want to be pacific
00:12:16 --> 00:12:20 about what it is and if it isn't acceptable in terms of physical intimacy.
00:12:21 --> 00:12:24 You want to discuss if, like I said again, are you staying overnight?
00:12:25 --> 00:12:28 Do you have certain habits physically that I may not be into?
00:12:29 --> 00:12:31 So first and foremost, practice safe intimacy.
00:12:32 --> 00:12:38 Always prioritize consent and safety measures like contraceptives or other regular health checkups.
00:12:39 --> 00:12:44 And please, please respect personal space because some people may prefer not
00:12:44 --> 00:12:49 to integrate casual partners into their living spaces or daily routines.
00:12:49 --> 00:12:52 That's one thing you got to establish. You know, where is this going to take place at?
00:12:53 --> 00:12:57 And can I come over and can I link up with you late night? You know,
00:12:57 --> 00:12:59 make it clear on what you want.
00:13:00 --> 00:13:05 And please have a safe word or clear signals, because if you get into the physical
00:13:05 --> 00:13:11 portion of it, these pre-aligned agreed cues that can help navigate situations
00:13:11 --> 00:13:14 where one party feels uncomfortable and the other one wants to pause.
00:13:15 --> 00:13:17 I know the go to word is usually pineapples.
00:13:17 --> 00:13:21 OK, I'm just waiting on somebody's safe word to be chitlins. Chitlins.
00:13:21 --> 00:13:25 Now, also, there is another tricky part of having a casual arrangement because
00:13:25 --> 00:13:28 you want to decide, do you want
00:13:28 --> 00:13:32 to be discreet or do you want to share the arrangement with the public?
00:13:32 --> 00:13:35 Because social boundaries address how much the arrangement is shared with others
00:13:35 --> 00:13:39 and how another person navigates in their public or social life.
00:13:40 --> 00:13:44 So agree on whether the arrangement is going to be private or if it's OK to
00:13:44 --> 00:13:49 share its existence with your friends, your acquaintances, even mutual friends.
00:13:49 --> 00:13:54 Some people might like the privacy route because that's going to avoid any gossip
00:13:54 --> 00:13:58 or judgment and discuss how you'll behave around others because you'll appear
00:13:58 --> 00:14:00 as friends and, you know, public spot.
00:14:01 --> 00:14:06 Usually the chemistry, if y'all really into each other like that, you can act all you want.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:09 You can act all you want, but it's very obvious.
00:14:10 --> 00:14:13 And decide if social media interaction is part of that dynamic.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:17 If you want to tag somebody, you know, we were hanging out, just having coffee,
00:14:18 --> 00:14:19 even though we got this arrangement.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:24 Next thing I know, there's a picture of us at Starbucks and you didn't tag me
00:14:24 --> 00:14:26 in it. So you are pretty much making it obvious to the public.
00:14:27 --> 00:14:29 Maybe y'all friends, maybe y'all more than friends.
00:14:30 --> 00:14:34 And the standards and perks of a casual agreement can be both healthy and enjoyable.
00:14:34 --> 00:14:40 When approached with the right mindset and practices, you have a very healthy
00:14:40 --> 00:14:45 situation going on because it can display some honesty, mutual respect, clear communication.
00:14:46 --> 00:14:52 And that matters because it creates a trust. It ensures that both parties feel safe and respected.
00:14:52 --> 00:14:56 Also, you have the freedom because both parties can maintain their situation.
00:14:56 --> 00:15:01 It allows everybody to go ahead and pursue your personal goals on other relationships
00:15:01 --> 00:15:03 without guilt if that's part of the arrangement.
00:15:03 --> 00:15:07 It also gives you freedom because both parties can maintain autonomy while allowing
00:15:07 --> 00:15:11 them to pursue personal goals or other relationships without guilt.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:15 And the exploration offers a chance to learn more about the preferences,
00:15:15 --> 00:15:20 both personally and relatively in a low pressure environment.
00:15:20 --> 00:15:24 You don't have that high pressure like you would with a traditional relationship
00:15:24 --> 00:15:28 because traditional relationships have expectations, interactions,
00:15:28 --> 00:15:32 and they are more relaxed and spontaneous when you're in a casual situation.
00:15:32 --> 00:15:36 There are some challenges, though, if you are going to come into this casual
00:15:36 --> 00:15:41 arrangement, because don't think that jealousy will not peep in because a casual,
00:15:41 --> 00:15:42 it doesn't mean emotion free.
00:15:43 --> 00:15:45 You know, feelings can develop unexpectedly.
00:15:45 --> 00:15:48 So if you see someone that you had this agreement with, they're starting to
00:15:48 --> 00:15:53 develop some jealousy, acknowledge feelings rather than suppress them and discuss
00:15:53 --> 00:15:58 the boundaries whether they need to be adjusted or if the arrangement is still right for both parties.
00:15:58 --> 00:16:01 There might be a time where you may have to renegotiate.
00:16:02 --> 00:16:05 Misalign expectations. It happens because one person might develop those deep
00:16:05 --> 00:16:09 feelings and expect more than we agreed upon.
00:16:09 --> 00:16:15 So just set the expectations early, revisit them as needed, and be honest about
00:16:15 --> 00:16:18 the changes in feelings or goals and adjust the agreement accordingly.
00:16:19 --> 00:16:23 Now, if you have a lack of clarity, you have to be clear about the roles,
00:16:23 --> 00:16:28 the intentions, that that will lead to confusion and frustration if you don't.
00:16:28 --> 00:16:30 So please use clear language.
00:16:31 --> 00:16:34 Define the nature of the arrangement and agree on specific boundaries.
00:16:34 --> 00:16:38 You know, how often are you guys going to communicate, any involvement with
00:16:38 --> 00:16:41 other people, all needs to be covered in that agreement.
00:16:41 --> 00:16:46 Now, casual agreements can have signs that things may not be working out because
00:16:46 --> 00:16:50 you may have one person that is consistently making an effort.
00:16:50 --> 00:16:53 They're making plans, they're communicating, and they're making sacrifices.
00:16:54 --> 00:16:58 And the other person involved lacks the balance and the mutual investment of the arrangement.
00:16:58 --> 00:17:03 I don't like one side effort. It shouldn't just be on one person all the time
00:17:03 --> 00:17:05 to, you know, make something happen.
00:17:05 --> 00:17:07 Both parties need to be involved with that.
00:17:08 --> 00:17:11 And a lack of respect, because if the boundaries are not honored,
00:17:11 --> 00:17:15 if one party feels like, you know, they've been dismissed by the other's needs
00:17:15 --> 00:17:17 or feelings and the disrespectful behavior.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:21 Like if you make plans and you cancel these plans last minute,
00:17:22 --> 00:17:22 you're going to piss me off.
00:17:23 --> 00:17:28 I'm telling you, you're going to piss me off. And let's say you had an opportunity
00:17:28 --> 00:17:32 to give me heads up way before it happened and you didn't communicate.
00:17:32 --> 00:17:36 Kate, honestly, you didn't take the consideration like, OK, I set this out of
00:17:36 --> 00:17:39 time for you and you just blew me off.
00:17:39 --> 00:17:43 That's going to put a whole funky mode on the whole situation.
00:17:43 --> 00:17:48 Now, do you have unclear or misaligned expectations in this situation?
00:17:48 --> 00:17:52 Again, if a person starts wanting more or maybe even less from the arrangement
00:17:52 --> 00:17:56 that was originally agreed upon without discussion, that's creating confusion.
00:17:56 --> 00:17:59 You're going to piss me off again. I'm getting frustrated.
00:17:59 --> 00:18:03 And then there's going to start to be feelings of neglect. The emotional or
00:18:03 --> 00:18:08 physical discomfort of the situation where one or both parties feel uneasy, stressed.
00:18:08 --> 00:18:12 They rather hurt rather than enjoy the dynamic.
00:18:12 --> 00:18:15 You know, that could stem from jealousy, unmet needs and lack of clarity.
00:18:16 --> 00:18:21 So if you guys don't have the maturity to have a conversation or renegotiate,
00:18:21 --> 00:18:23 the situation is not going to work.
00:18:23 --> 00:18:27 Please do not participate in avoidance or dishonesty.
00:18:27 --> 00:18:32 Because avoiding difficult situations or being dishonest about your intentions.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:36 Actions or feelings, it undermines the trust of the situation or the foundation
00:18:36 --> 00:18:38 of the agreement or both.
00:18:38 --> 00:18:42 So let's go ahead and renegotiate if stuff starts to switch up,
00:18:42 --> 00:18:47 like the changing of feelings or the incomparable goals like the life circumstances
00:18:47 --> 00:18:51 or the priorities change and discuss whether the arrangement still needs to
00:18:51 --> 00:18:53 align with both parties needs.
00:18:53 --> 00:18:58 But a casual situation should not include all these ongoing disagreements,
00:18:59 --> 00:19:04 the unmet expectations, the negative emotions that signal the arrangement is no longer enjoyable.
00:19:04 --> 00:19:08 That was the point of you even making the arrangement. You're supposed to enjoy
00:19:08 --> 00:19:10 the situation you guys have created with each other.
00:19:10 --> 00:19:14 But if you're feeling drained or unhappy, it looks like it's going to be a little
00:19:14 --> 00:19:17 bit more work than it's going to be fun.
00:19:17 --> 00:19:21 If it's causing more emotional stress, it's a sign it's not working out.
00:19:21 --> 00:19:26 So I would rather prioritize my well-being and evaluate whether I need to continue
00:19:26 --> 00:19:29 to let this agreement go if it's not serving me positively.
00:19:30 --> 00:19:34 And let's ring the alarm on breached boundaries. You know, this is a repeated
00:19:34 --> 00:19:38 disregard for agreed upon rules or disrespect for the personal boundaries.
00:19:38 --> 00:19:42 It indicates a fundamental lack of compatibility or trust.
00:19:42 --> 00:19:46 Now, if you do need to end the agreement, just be honest.
00:19:46 --> 00:19:48 Communicate openly about what's not working and why.
00:19:49 --> 00:19:52 Also, just show respect when you're doing it because you need to acknowledge
00:19:52 --> 00:19:57 the positive aspects of the arrangement and express the gratitude for the connection and be decisive.
00:19:57 --> 00:20:04 If you're going to end this agreement, be clear, be firm while remaining considerate
00:20:04 --> 00:20:06 of the other person's feelings.
00:20:06 --> 00:20:11 I've always said it's always about how you bring a message to somebody on how they intake it.
00:20:11 --> 00:20:15 If they get dramatic, that's on them. But if you are respectful and you're trying
00:20:15 --> 00:20:19 to be honest with a person, they should be able to listen and understand why
00:20:19 --> 00:20:21 or make those arrangements.
00:20:21 --> 00:20:26 Now, I mentioned earlier that you can have an exclusive situation being casual
00:20:26 --> 00:20:28 or do you want to have an open dialogue?
00:20:29 --> 00:20:34 So if you are in agreeance, both parties, they're interested in continuing with
00:20:34 --> 00:20:35 new terms of the arrangement.
00:20:35 --> 00:20:40 They clarify the expectations and agree on the boundaries to protect the relationship
00:20:40 --> 00:20:42 and each other's well-being.
00:20:42 --> 00:20:47 So if you feel like you need to end it, the feelings are unrecipicated or the
00:20:47 --> 00:20:50 arrangement is no longer fulfilling, it's better to just go ahead and end it all.
00:20:50 --> 00:20:55 Just do it respectfully and communicate honestly about why the dynamic is no
00:20:55 --> 00:20:59 longer working and why parting ways should be the best decision for both of you.
00:21:00 --> 00:21:05 And when you're trying to end something, you want to have a certain dialogue when you approach it.
00:21:05 --> 00:21:08 You know, you want to use a neutral, private setting to discuss feelings.
00:21:08 --> 00:21:12 I don't think you should go to Starbucks to have this conversation.
00:21:12 --> 00:21:14 And speak your perspective.
00:21:14 --> 00:21:18 You know, using these statements like, I, I feel. You know, when you put yourself
00:21:18 --> 00:21:22 in the mix and stop pointing the finger at everybody else, it doesn't have such
00:21:22 --> 00:21:24 a guilt complex factor on them.
00:21:24 --> 00:21:29 They basically say, OK, they're basically putting themselves in this boat as
00:21:29 --> 00:21:33 well. So I feel rather than you make me feel.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:38 Be empathetic and willing to listen, even if the conversation doesn't lead to the desired outcome.
00:21:39 --> 00:21:42 So there's an outcome of possibilities when you do either of these things,
00:21:42 --> 00:21:46 when you're trying to end the arrangement. You know, it could be mutual.
00:21:46 --> 00:21:51 Both parties decide to adjust the terms and explore a new dynamic or the one-sided
00:21:51 --> 00:21:55 feelings. You know, if the feelings are unreciprocated, the arrangement may
00:21:55 --> 00:21:58 end or continue to reaffirm boundaries.
00:21:59 --> 00:22:03 Also growth opportunity because regardless of the outcome, addressing feelings
00:22:03 --> 00:22:08 can help both parties feel emotionally relatable, respectful.
00:22:08 --> 00:22:13 So navigating feelings with honesty, empathy, and respect ensures the situation
00:22:13 --> 00:22:18 is handled maturely, minimizing harm and maximizing the potential for a positive resolution.
00:22:19 --> 00:22:21 That's going to do it for this episode of Talk to Me, Michelle.
00:22:21 --> 00:22:23 I appreciate everybody tuning in and listening.
00:22:23 --> 00:22:27 And I want to say I tackled the ins and outs of casual agreements.
00:22:27 --> 00:22:33 I explored what makes them healthy and enjoyable, the perks they can offer and
00:22:33 --> 00:22:36 the challenges that you have to face if you're going to be in that situation.
00:22:36 --> 00:22:40 That's going to do it for this episode. I appreciate everybody tuning into this episode.
00:22:40 --> 00:22:45 And I hope you guys found some great tips on these casual agreements,
00:22:45 --> 00:22:49 tackling the ins and outs of them, exploring what makes them healthy and enjoyable,
00:22:50 --> 00:22:54 the perks they can offer and the challenges you may have to face if you're in a casual arrangement.
00:22:54 --> 00:22:59 And I also touched on some crucial signs that it may be time to let it go.
00:23:00 --> 00:23:04 At the heart of it all, honestly, mutual respect and clear communication are key.
00:23:04 --> 00:23:08 Whether you're exploring freedom or flexibility or navigating the complexities
00:23:08 --> 00:23:13 of shifting emotions, having those open conversation ensures everyone's needs
00:23:13 --> 00:23:15 are understood and respected.
00:23:16 --> 00:23:19 So, again, thanks again, guys. If you have not subscribed, I hope you do hit
00:23:19 --> 00:23:24 that subscription button and please leave me a review on wherever you listen to your podcast.
00:23:24 --> 00:23:28 If you enjoyed my podcast, please go visit the MBG Podcast Network,
00:23:28 --> 00:23:34 where we have got an array of podcasts that will fit your needs and other black
00:23:34 --> 00:23:37 podcasters that are continuing to spread black excellence.
00:23:37 --> 00:23:43 But if you want to support this podcast, you can do so by visiting buymeacoffee.com
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46 backslash talktomemichelle with one L.
00:23:46 --> 00:23:49 Merch is over there. You need a coffee mug. I got you. You need a notepad.
00:23:50 --> 00:23:53 I got you. And you can also make a contribution if you are enjoying the content.
00:23:54 --> 00:23:57 You can follow me on social media. It's all the same handle.
00:23:58 --> 00:24:02 Talk to me, Michelle, on everything. I'm always pushing all my social media
00:24:02 --> 00:24:04 so you guys can follow and interact.
00:24:04 --> 00:24:06 And I would love to hear your feedback on this topic.
00:24:06 --> 00:24:09 So until next time, everybody, peace.
00:24:09 --> 00:24:28 Music.
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