In this episode, Michele and her sister Rocky dive into a candid conversation about why women lose their sex drive when partners stop putting in effort. They explore how emotional detachment and lack of romance can affect both physical and mental intimacy. Sharing personal experiences, they break down the importance of small gestures, emotional connection, and why consistent effort matters in keeping the fire alive. This isn’t a male-bashing session, but an honest conversation about how to reignite the romance. For the ladies feeling disconnected, and the men wondering where things went wrong—this one’s for you!
[00:00:09] Talk To Me Michele.
[00:00:53] I was not aroused or stimulated sexually anymore.
[00:00:57] And to be honest, I started faking it just to get over with.
[00:01:01] Now usually I'm all in for another round, but this time I was checked out.
[00:01:06] Initially we were hot and heavy, but over time my fire cooled down.
[00:01:12] Why?
[00:01:13] Because I was emotionally detached and not mentally stimulated anymore.
[00:01:18] He wasn't putting in the effort. No more date nights, no quality time together.
[00:01:25] I didn't need to be up under a man 24-7. That is not me.
[00:01:29] But the smallest gestures, like going for a walk, having a fun jam session at home, or even cooking together, that means something.
[00:01:38] But there was none of that, and it seriously affected my desire for him.
[00:01:45] Now I know a lot of women can relate to this. It's not always something wrong with you.
[00:01:50] Sometimes it's the lack of effort from your partner.
[00:01:53] And to the men listening, this is not a male bashing session.
[00:01:57] We know it doesn't apply to every man.
[00:01:59] But this situation is all too common.
[00:02:02] So let's go ahead and get into this with my sister, former co-host Rocky, and we're going to help break it down.
[00:02:10] Okay, this is a segment where I have to bring my former co-host and sister Rochelle, a.k.a. Rocky, back in the building.
[00:02:16] How you doing?
[00:02:17] Okay, well, you were very hyped today, and I'm glad you got that energy.
[00:02:20] Yeah, I am.
[00:02:21] I'm good.
[00:02:22] Yeah, I'm glad you're good because in this situation, we are talking about the understanding men need to have, and some women, and having an effort in your relationships.
[00:02:32] You know, because it's about showing consistency, a little attention.
[00:02:37] When it comes to effort in the relationship, what's important to you?
[00:02:42] A effort.
[00:02:44] Communication.
[00:02:45] Yes, yes.
[00:02:46] Knowing your person.
[00:02:48] Mm.
[00:02:49] You know, a lot of times you could spend years with someone and you realize, you get that one argument, and you be like, this mofo don't really know me.
[00:03:00] And I'm like, you don't know me, so you just sleeping with a stranger.
[00:03:06] Not the Julia Roberts.
[00:03:07] Yes!
[00:03:08] Yes, I understand.
[00:03:09] But I feel you because, to me, effort is so important.
[00:03:13] Quality time.
[00:03:14] I don't like to be up underneath nobody all the time.
[00:03:17] You know a person's gonna make time for things they want to do.
[00:03:21] Period.
[00:03:22] But you know, acts of affection are also missed.
[00:03:24] You know, the physical gestures.
[00:03:26] Yes.
[00:03:26] You know, it don't have to be all the time, but you know, holding hands, little hug, little kiss.
[00:03:31] Yeah!
[00:03:31] You know, I mean.
[00:03:32] A smack on the ass.
[00:03:33] And verbal affirmations.
[00:03:35] Even if you don't want to be, you know, like that in public, you can still at least let me know, whisper it to me.
[00:03:40] But I tell, I'll tell any man what you just said.
[00:03:43] I don't like the clinginess.
[00:03:45] I like enough.
[00:03:46] Right.
[00:03:47] I like enough, but I don't like too much.
[00:03:49] Mm-hmm.
[00:03:50] If you, you know, you can call me every day.
[00:03:53] I don't have a problem with that.
[00:03:54] I'm not about to be on the phone with you though every day for hours and hours.
[00:03:58] You know what I'm saying?
[00:03:59] But two or three calls throughout the day, how you doing or whatever.
[00:04:03] I'm good with that.
[00:04:04] That lets me know I'm on your mind.
[00:04:06] You're thinking about me.
[00:04:07] A little sweetheart text.
[00:04:08] Right.
[00:04:08] Have a good day.
[00:04:09] Have a good night.
[00:04:10] Right.
[00:04:11] I miss you.
[00:04:12] Thank you.
[00:04:13] I love you.
[00:04:14] Ooh.
[00:04:14] You are sexy.
[00:04:16] Girl!
[00:04:17] I like those things.
[00:04:19] And you know what?
[00:04:20] I still like flowers.
[00:04:22] Right.
[00:04:22] I don't care.
[00:04:23] I like flowers.
[00:04:24] I would like to receive flowers.
[00:04:26] It doesn't have to be every day.
[00:04:27] It don't just have to be my birthday.
[00:04:28] Just, oh, you thought about me.
[00:04:29] I know she likes this.
[00:04:31] Right.
[00:04:31] It's just like, well, your man like a certain meal.
[00:04:34] Mm-hmm.
[00:04:34] You know, I'm going to surprise him and cook his favorite meal.
[00:04:37] Thank you.
[00:04:37] Those are your flowers, man.
[00:04:39] I, you know what?
[00:04:40] Tonight, I mean, massage his balls.
[00:04:41] Cause he likes that.
[00:04:43] A meal and a ball massage.
[00:04:45] That's, you know, and it's just a thought.
[00:04:47] That's all it is.
[00:04:49] I can't.
[00:04:50] Hell, your man may just want one day that he don't hear you in the house.
[00:04:55] Be quiet.
[00:04:57] Give it to him.
[00:04:59] Give it to him.
[00:04:59] Vice versa.
[00:05:02] People nowadays, all across the board, lack effort.
[00:05:06] Everybody wants everything super duper fast.
[00:05:10] Yeah.
[00:05:10] Nobody wants to put any time into it.
[00:05:13] And then the moment something doesn't go right, it's so easy.
[00:05:16] It is very easy nowadays.
[00:05:18] To just dip out.
[00:05:19] People rotate like an evolving door nowadays.
[00:05:21] Mm-hmm.
[00:05:21] And the thing about it is, it's thoughtful gestures as well.
[00:05:25] And you know, people think it's a big, if a man, I'm just going to say from a woman's
[00:05:28] perspective, I think most men confuse situations when they think we're asking for too much.
[00:05:34] Like, you know, thoughtful gestures, emotional support.
[00:05:37] Yeah.
[00:05:37] And be spontaneous.
[00:05:39] Spontaneous.
[00:05:39] I love it.
[00:05:40] Now, spontaneous makes me moist.
[00:05:42] Yeah.
[00:05:43] Okay.
[00:05:43] That, that right there, I like that.
[00:05:45] It makes the toes curl.
[00:05:46] And, but you know what?
[00:05:47] Men should, you know, I just had a conversation with a guy, not intimate guy, but you know,
[00:05:51] just a conversation about, he's trying to break down stuff.
[00:05:55] And I said, babe, you have to understand, we are the same as far as being human and having
[00:05:59] needs, but we are different on things that we need as far as relationship.
[00:06:04] And women are emotional.
[00:06:06] Yes.
[00:06:07] And it's, and trust me, men don't understand when you are feeding that love, that desire
[00:06:14] in her, you're going to get that emotional support back.
[00:06:17] Right.
[00:06:17] She won't go cuckoo for coca puff.
[00:06:19] This is what kill me when men, when they lack everything that we named.
[00:06:22] Yep.
[00:06:22] And then they wonder why a woman click a custom mouth.
[00:06:25] Oh, and she crazy.
[00:06:27] No, she's hurt.
[00:06:28] She's tired.
[00:06:28] She ties.
[00:06:29] She hurts.
[00:06:30] She angry.
[00:06:30] She frustrated.
[00:06:32] And you, you are the, you the reason.
[00:06:34] Right.
[00:06:35] And this is why you got cussed out.
[00:06:37] Cause she snapped all of a sudden.
[00:06:39] Yeah.
[00:06:39] And it wasn't all of a sudden cause it's been simmering for a minute.
[00:06:42] Yeah.
[00:06:42] When a woman usually get, if she doesn't behave like that on the regular and all of a sudden
[00:06:46] she just spazzes, that's been built up.
[00:06:50] Trust me.
[00:06:51] And men are always like you said, go to man.
[00:06:53] She crazy.
[00:06:53] Yeah.
[00:06:54] No, because you don't look at your accountability in this situation.
[00:06:57] Why did I get here with that part?
[00:06:59] And you know, the sad and the funny thing is a lot of men like I, of course it was a
[00:07:02] white man.
[00:07:03] It was a real.
[00:07:04] And he said, if a woman does not curse you out or go off on you, she never cared.
[00:07:09] That, that, oh.
[00:07:10] And cause I don't waste my time arguing with someone I don't care about.
[00:07:15] That's true.
[00:07:16] I'd be like, all right, bye next.
[00:07:17] Like Jay Z on to the next one.
[00:07:21] But we also got to include romantic gestures.
[00:07:23] You mentioned flowers, but small acts like date night.
[00:07:27] Girl.
[00:07:27] Compliments.
[00:07:29] I mean, my kind of date night at home, I'm the kind that we could just get a blanket.
[00:07:33] If it's a nice night.
[00:07:35] Yes.
[00:07:35] Get some candles and some little, you know, assortments of wine and cheese.
[00:07:40] And you saw a date night and it was a pickup truck.
[00:07:43] Oh, that's my dream.
[00:07:44] And the guy decked out the back of the pickup truck real nice.
[00:07:49] And I'm like, you know, cause I don't want no mosquitoes.
[00:07:51] So if you got, if you got something like a tent to put in there,
[00:07:53] Like a little net over there.
[00:07:54] That has a net in there.
[00:07:55] Oh my God.
[00:07:56] And you just sit there with pillows.
[00:07:57] Those little string lights with batteries.
[00:07:59] Man, what?
[00:08:00] It does not do.
[00:08:01] This is a $5 below shot.
[00:08:03] Wow.
[00:08:05] I'm serious.
[00:08:06] It is.
[00:08:06] Everything you name, you could go to five below.
[00:08:09] Except for the 10.
[00:08:11] Well, you never know.
[00:08:12] They got some everything in there with that.
[00:08:13] They do.
[00:08:13] But I mean, get you a, get, get a little net thing, but everything in there, we naming
[00:08:19] is $5 below.
[00:08:21] Yeah.
[00:08:21] Just put, you can even, you can even go to Dollar Tree and get fake rose petals and layout.
[00:08:27] You know, and I feel like if you, if you have a woman is asking for expensive bags and that
[00:08:33] kind of lets you know where her mindset is at.
[00:08:35] Right.
[00:08:35] She's, you know, she's ready.
[00:08:37] She's there for the glamour, which you can get her.
[00:08:39] But I'm a simple woman.
[00:08:40] I mean, we both are.
[00:08:41] I know the effort.
[00:08:43] Shut the hell up.
[00:08:43] The effort is the main thing for me.
[00:08:46] Yeah.
[00:08:46] Are you trying?
[00:08:47] I mean, you don't have to do major gestures every day, but the effort is so important
[00:08:53] to me and people fail to realize that's what's affecting us in the bedroom.
[00:08:57] Let me tell you something.
[00:08:59] It's just like, if you're sick or you've had surgery and your partner, is it calling
[00:09:05] or even by your bedside?
[00:09:07] There's a problem.
[00:09:10] All right.
[00:09:11] Physical reactions to the lack of effort is what we're talking about mainly with women.
[00:09:15] And we both, like I said, this was inspired by a conversation we were having when I talked
[00:09:20] about our previous relationships and at one point in both relationships, we just lost
[00:09:25] interest.
[00:09:25] Intimacy.
[00:09:26] The intimacy was dead.
[00:09:28] You know what?
[00:09:28] We learned so much and I'm going to have to get my hats off to Dr. Candace.
[00:09:32] Yes.
[00:09:32] And she will go live every now and then.
[00:09:34] And she had a topic about mental health and sex.
[00:09:38] And when she got to all of the things that, you know, that are not good, that's when I
[00:09:42] bold were like, okay, ding, ding, ding.
[00:09:44] Yeah.
[00:09:44] Oh, it wasn't me.
[00:09:46] It wasn't me.
[00:09:47] And I'm just sitting like, you talking about loss of desire.
[00:09:51] Yep.
[00:09:52] Let's just get it over with.
[00:09:54] You know, you normally can gush, gush and you can't build no moistness up.
[00:09:59] And you know what?
[00:10:00] I'm like, that's what it was.
[00:10:02] I said, exactly.
[00:10:03] Because when I think on earlier before all the nonsense and you see who this guy is,
[00:10:09] I didn't have that problem.
[00:10:10] And I was thinking the same thing.
[00:10:12] I reevaluated my last situation.
[00:10:13] I was like, dude, when it was at the beginning, hot and heavy, hot and heavy.
[00:10:18] Before you knew he was a jerk.
[00:10:20] Before you knew this was a lazy, no effort, mofo.
[00:10:25] Let me just say that.
[00:10:27] But true.
[00:10:28] You was flish splash out in the tub.
[00:10:29] You was surfboard.
[00:10:30] You was Beyonce.
[00:10:30] I was surfboarding, backboarding, back stroking.
[00:10:34] Baby, back flipping.
[00:10:35] Back dipping.
[00:10:37] Yeah.
[00:10:38] Yes.
[00:10:39] And you just like, what happened?
[00:10:40] Yeah.
[00:10:40] You just tapped in and then all of a sudden it just like, okay, I don't need, let me get
[00:10:45] the same thing.
[00:10:46] Let me get this over with.
[00:10:48] Yeah.
[00:10:48] But it's almost like during that sex, when you had enough, you mentally check out.
[00:10:54] Yeah.
[00:10:54] And when you realize when you're mentally not there, your body is not going to respond.
[00:10:59] That's pretty much it because it does, like I said, the lack of effort is a contribution.
[00:11:04] You have a loss of desire and the physical changes.
[00:11:07] We have fatigue, tension, and the lack of interest adds to it.
[00:11:12] And you know, the scary thing is a lot of people don't realize being in toxic relationships
[00:11:16] or relationships that's non-existent, it can take a mental toll on you.
[00:11:20] Yeah.
[00:11:21] And I don't mean just by your physical.
[00:11:22] It can cause a little mental toll.
[00:11:25] And this is what I want to contribute to your mental toll statement.
[00:11:28] Okay.
[00:11:29] When men are out here playing with women and y'all are with this woman intimately, you
[00:11:35] kicking it with her like y'all dating.
[00:11:37] I want y'all to stop doing that shit.
[00:11:38] If you got in your mind, Hey, we just going to have some fun.
[00:11:41] I'm not going to hang out with her.
[00:11:42] Stop getting close to a woman, making her think one way, but you saying something different.
[00:11:46] A lot of men, you know, say, well, I ain't never said this or I told you this, but what
[00:11:51] you're saying in your actions don't match.
[00:11:53] They imagine.
[00:11:54] And I had to tell one of our homies that had a cuckoo following him.
[00:11:58] I said, baby, when you dealing with someone, you're going to call a booty friend.
[00:12:01] You hit that once or twice.
[00:12:03] That is it.
[00:12:03] You don't go past twice.
[00:12:04] Yeah.
[00:12:05] No, no.
[00:12:05] Once you've gone past twice.
[00:12:07] Okay.
[00:12:08] She don't probably start thinking something else.
[00:12:10] You start hitting the three and four, five times.
[00:12:12] Dude, we dating.
[00:12:15] We are dating.
[00:12:18] I'm just telling men, this is how it is.
[00:12:21] You cannot do that.
[00:12:22] You hanging out, going out.
[00:12:24] You meeting family.
[00:12:25] Right.
[00:12:26] You cannot do that.
[00:12:27] Yeah, exactly.
[00:12:28] And especially if the woman got kids, the kids get close to them.
[00:12:31] See, that right there is real.
[00:12:32] That is so jacked up.
[00:12:35] It is.
[00:12:35] Because you get the child involved.
[00:12:36] Right.
[00:12:36] The child gets used to you.
[00:12:38] Exactly.
[00:12:38] Exactly.
[00:12:41] Let's talk about the mental and emotional reactions.
[00:12:45] You know, how do we mentally react to men that show lack of effort?
[00:12:50] Snapping.
[00:12:51] That, but we also go through a little spin cycle on our feelings because we feel rejected.
[00:12:55] It really does a number on your self-esteem.
[00:12:58] I was just about to say that.
[00:13:00] Loss of confidence.
[00:13:01] Yeah.
[00:13:01] Is another one.
[00:13:03] Emotional disconnect and an impact on the communication.
[00:13:06] And we, you know, you said we blame ourselves for the shit.
[00:13:09] We blame ourselves and then we start to build up resentment.
[00:13:13] Yep.
[00:13:14] And that's where you start calling us crazy.
[00:13:16] For kids.
[00:13:17] That's where crazy come in.
[00:13:19] And it's not that this woman, cause when you met this woman, she was sweet.
[00:13:23] She was nice.
[00:13:24] And that's who she was.
[00:13:25] Right.
[00:13:26] That's who she was because at that point everything was good.
[00:13:29] Right.
[00:13:30] And then she starts realizing he ain't shit.
[00:13:32] He don't want nothing.
[00:13:33] He is really about him.
[00:13:35] Yep.
[00:13:36] You start, like you said, resentment and anger.
[00:13:38] Mm hmm.
[00:13:39] You can't forget anger kicks in with that resentment.
[00:13:42] No, it does.
[00:13:42] Cause you'll sit back.
[00:13:43] A woman will sit back trying to retrace her steps.
[00:13:47] What did I do wrong?
[00:13:48] What did I did?
[00:13:49] You know, what is it that he's lacking from me?
[00:13:52] And women is not you.
[00:13:53] Right.
[00:13:54] And you know, that's what I had to realize.
[00:13:56] It ain't me.
[00:13:57] It's that trick.
[00:13:58] I picked a fool.
[00:14:02] And then I all, then we all men and women, when you dating these people, you find yourself
[00:14:08] in this situation, you really got to think about where were you mentally and spiritually
[00:14:12] when you met them?
[00:14:13] That's true.
[00:14:13] And that has a major impact.
[00:14:15] Because you will attract what you are at that time.
[00:14:17] Ooh girl speak it.
[00:14:18] That's why sometimes it's good just to have a breather.
[00:14:21] Yeah.
[00:14:21] Don't get, you know,
[00:14:22] Well, you know what people that were really in it for the long haul and really was into
[00:14:26] it.
[00:14:27] Don't jump back into a relationship.
[00:14:29] People that are hoeing that didn't care.
[00:14:31] Oh, it's easy for them to jump right back and start talking to somebody else.
[00:14:35] I'm sorry.
[00:14:36] You were never connected to me.
[00:14:37] So that's why it was so easy for you to walk away.
[00:14:39] Yeah.
[00:14:40] Well, you know, not easy to walk away.
[00:14:41] Sometimes you have to walk away from situations like I did, even though you know you care.
[00:14:47] Right.
[00:14:47] Even though you really was in it, but you know that person was not for you.
[00:14:51] Right.
[00:14:52] But when I walked away, you ain't see me with nobody.
[00:14:55] That's true.
[00:14:56] You won't see me, you know, trying to holler at nobody because you have to get, I'm not
[00:15:00] going to bring that baggage into the next relationship.
[00:15:02] I need to get past that.
[00:15:03] Get it off your plate.
[00:15:04] Yeah.
[00:15:10] Everybody has ownership.
[00:15:11] That part.
[00:15:12] Let's take this part.
[00:15:13] Everybody has ownership regardless if he or she was in there for games.
[00:15:17] He and she that stayed there and played the game with him.
[00:15:21] You got to take ownership.
[00:15:23] Yeah.
[00:15:23] What did you not hear?
[00:15:25] What you was ignoring?
[00:15:27] And you know, red flags.
[00:15:30] Like the laws was going off.
[00:15:32] But for some reason, something within you chose not to pay attention to it and pay attention
[00:15:38] to stick around.
[00:15:39] So you got to question yourself.
[00:15:39] Yeah, you do because it does get to that point where you have to reevaluate yourself.
[00:15:43] And that's why I always think, you know, if you ready for the next relationship, that's
[00:15:48] on you.
[00:15:48] But me personally, I like to have a breather.
[00:15:51] Yeah.
[00:15:51] And you know, get to know me a little bit more because I know whatever situation that
[00:15:55] was, that was a decision I made and I didn't want to stay in that situation.
[00:16:00] So that's why I need to get a little clarity.
[00:16:02] And why are you laughing?
[00:16:03] You're smirking.
[00:16:04] I'm not laughing at you.
[00:16:05] I was just that.
[00:16:06] I was having a flash when we was on live and I had three in there flirting their butt
[00:16:11] off.
[00:16:12] Yeah.
[00:16:12] And then he got this some of them.
[00:16:14] Your boy going to try to get all snazzy.
[00:16:15] And I said, hold up.
[00:16:16] I'm a free agent.
[00:16:18] Right.
[00:16:19] I'm single.
[00:16:20] And I'm sitting on my twat for now.
[00:16:24] For now.
[00:16:24] This is not going to be forever.
[00:16:25] No, it's not.
[00:16:26] She needed to.
[00:16:28] But she, but, but, but, but my, my mind and body needs a mental break.
[00:16:34] Yeah.
[00:16:35] So, you know, but I did, I, you know, it did make me feel good.
[00:16:38] I know I still got it.
[00:16:39] Hey boo.
[00:16:40] But not right now.
[00:16:41] Not right now.
[00:16:41] Not you.
[00:16:43] Not that.
[00:16:43] Not that one.
[00:16:45] Yeah.
[00:16:46] But you know, I like mental stimulation.
[00:16:48] Girl, mental stimulation.
[00:16:49] Cause I'm not mentally stimulated.
[00:16:51] And I'm like, dude, you can't even have a conversation.
[00:16:54] What in the world's going on?
[00:16:56] Men need to understand mental stimulation is like the rose when we touch ourselves.
[00:17:01] Do you not understand brothers?
[00:17:04] Let me repeat that for y'all that did not hear me.
[00:17:07] Mental stimulation is like my rose.
[00:17:11] Yes.
[00:17:12] That baby.
[00:17:13] When you get that gear going, all gears get to go.
[00:17:16] Cause the mind can bring so much more to the bedroom.
[00:17:19] Yes.
[00:17:20] I'm telling you, you can have conversations about anything, everything without arguing.
[00:17:25] You can laugh.
[00:17:26] Being a best friend is also one of my, my, my, my top.
[00:17:31] I need to have mental stimulation.
[00:17:32] I need to know that you're a good friend.
[00:17:34] Yeah.
[00:17:35] I want to be able to Netflix and chill, have romantic, you know, you know, if I pass gas
[00:17:39] around you, you still think it's sexy.
[00:17:41] Come on now.
[00:17:44] We gotta be cool.
[00:17:45] Cool.
[00:17:47] It happens to everybody.
[00:17:48] Okay, Michelle.
[00:17:49] There's also a contribution of medical and psychological factors when it comes to women losing sexual
[00:17:56] desire, because we go through hormonal changes, mental health impacts.
[00:18:01] Um, the role of therapy can number one, I always recommend therapy, uh, cause it could
[00:18:06] be something that's psychological.
[00:18:07] Yeah.
[00:18:08] Uh, but if it's not that you need to go get checked out and make sure you're not going
[00:18:13] through anything physical because you know what?
[00:18:18] Yeah.
[00:18:24] Yeah.
[00:18:25] It is a mental health issue.
[00:18:28] Don't, you know, dismiss it.
[00:18:30] Oh, I'm just going through something.
[00:18:31] Yeah.
[00:18:31] You're going through anxiety and stress.
[00:18:33] And that also is a contributor to not having a sex drive.
[00:18:36] Yeah.
[00:18:37] Yeah.
[00:18:38] I mean, my mental stress.
[00:18:40] I was going through mental stress when we first moved here because I moved away from
[00:18:43] everybody.
[00:18:44] I knew we didn't know anybody.
[00:18:46] Right.
[00:18:46] I just had y'all in the world, which is beautiful.
[00:18:48] Blessing.
[00:18:48] It's a beautiful blessing.
[00:18:49] It's a blessing, but I didn't have anybody.
[00:18:51] And then, um, I had to have, I had to go through surgery, women, women things and not knowing
[00:18:59] after till I went to the doctor that had that, what I needed my, my surgery for had me depressed.
[00:19:06] Yeah.
[00:19:06] And I remember you talking about, you know, you ain't the same.
[00:19:09] I remember daddy saying the same thing.
[00:19:11] My iron was so low.
[00:19:13] Yeah.
[00:19:13] Let's say that my iron was so low.
[00:19:15] I didn't realize that caused depression.
[00:19:17] Yeah.
[00:19:17] And it was a mint.
[00:19:19] It wasn't, it wasn't a mental depression.
[00:19:20] It was a medical depression.
[00:19:22] Yep.
[00:19:22] So once I had the surgery, I slowly got back to myself and that's when I realized the change
[00:19:29] within me and the guy I was talking to.
[00:19:31] Yeah.
[00:19:32] Cause it was like when I was in that depression, I accepted things that I normally did not accept.
[00:19:37] And this is also where I say early and early in the conversation, we got to take accountability.
[00:19:42] Right.
[00:19:42] Even though I know I was in a, um, a medical state, you still teach people how to treat
[00:19:47] you.
[00:19:47] Yeah.
[00:19:48] So when I accepted those things, I taught him this was okay.
[00:19:52] And once I got to myself, Oh my fuck, this ain't okay.
[00:19:56] Hold up.
[00:19:57] Did I allow you to do that?
[00:20:01] And I had to have this conversation with this person.
[00:20:04] Yeah.
[00:20:04] I said, since my surgery, I have gotten back mentally.
[00:20:09] Right.
[00:20:09] Depression is gone.
[00:20:11] That low vibrating spirit is gone.
[00:20:13] Yeah.
[00:20:13] So we can't continue in this direction.
[00:20:16] And I admitted to that person, I know I showed you this was okay, but I need you to
[00:20:21] know this ain't okay.
[00:20:22] Mm hmm.
[00:20:23] And knowing when you speak clearly without going off with a person and they still don't
[00:20:27] accept what you're saying, they want to keep doing it.
[00:20:30] And that's even with friendship.
[00:20:32] Yep.
[00:20:32] If I tell you stop, this bothers me.
[00:20:33] You keep doing it.
[00:20:34] Okay.
[00:20:35] You let me know.
[00:20:35] You gives no damn.
[00:20:36] But you know, I understand because you know, after our mother passed, of course we both
[00:20:40] went through depression, but see, I was in a state where I, you know, I was vulnerable
[00:20:43] and got back with an ex.
[00:20:45] Yeah.
[00:20:45] Big, big mistake.
[00:20:47] Big mistake.
[00:20:48] Well you took care of that pretty quick.
[00:20:49] It didn't last that long.
[00:20:51] Cause I mean, I mean, I mean, that's one thing I will give you Michelle.
[00:20:55] My sister is that nonchalant one.
[00:20:58] She's, she will, once you piss her off, she shuts down.
[00:21:01] I'm good.
[00:21:02] And a goal.
[00:21:03] Me?
[00:21:04] Yeah.
[00:21:04] I want to be cabative.
[00:21:05] I ain't gonna lie.
[00:21:06] I'm a little, I'm more of a, what the hell happened?
[00:21:09] Why are you doing this?
[00:21:10] I'm the one that wants to communicate and sometimes not in the best way.
[00:21:14] Right.
[00:21:15] But see, if I've already previously tried to communicate with you, I'm in a mental state.
[00:21:19] You know, I just lost my mom and you still doing this nonsense.
[00:21:22] Yeah.
[00:21:23] Yeah.
[00:21:24] I'm going to have to cut this short.
[00:21:25] You gotta go.
[00:21:26] Gotta go.
[00:21:26] Gotta go.
[00:21:26] Gotta go.
[00:21:27] Definitely check out, you know, your mental and your physical health.
[00:21:30] That is a major concern.
[00:21:33] Therapy is going to play a big role.
[00:21:35] And as well as you getting the support you need, because you may not have anybody to talk
[00:21:38] to about how you feel when it comes to, you know, intimacy.
[00:21:42] Yeah.
[00:21:43] A lot of men, when you're having a communication, instead of them listening and hearing you,
[00:21:48] they want to be a detective and decipher what you're saying.
[00:21:51] And it's all into them.
[00:21:52] It's like a cold and it's all about them.
[00:21:54] And I'm like, dude, you didn't hear shit I just said, did you?
[00:21:56] But you landed on a point because when I do have a disagreement with somebody I'm seeing,
[00:22:02] I'm trying to talk rationally.
[00:22:03] Yeah.
[00:22:04] I don't insult you and I don't get no yelling tone.
[00:22:08] No, I'm not cussing you.
[00:22:08] I ain't gonna talk about your mama.
[00:22:09] I'm talking to you the way I'm talking to you right now.
[00:22:11] And I know I made a statement in a conversation.
[00:22:14] I said, oh, I said, typical man.
[00:22:16] And this Negro tripped off of that for the remainder of the conversation.
[00:22:20] I know you act like I talked about your mama or something.
[00:22:22] Let me tell you something.
[00:22:23] I told you, because he was being very emotional and stubborn.
[00:22:27] And I said, this girl, you having a girly attitude, bro.
[00:22:31] And you call me a bitch.
[00:22:33] Dude, I did not call.
[00:22:34] Oh my God.
[00:22:35] Even when you trying to be nice and you're trying to describe what you're seeing from them in a polite manner.
[00:22:42] I could have called you a bitch.
[00:22:44] Right.
[00:22:44] But I did.
[00:22:45] You are having a girly moment right now.
[00:22:48] You being really emotional.
[00:22:50] And I hate it when people twist and turn your words into what they think you're saying.
[00:22:58] So what can our partners do?
[00:23:00] I mean, women also, but we're talking from a woman's perspective when it comes to our male partners.
[00:23:05] And, you know, first of all, let's get some importance of validation.
[00:23:09] Make the role of your partner feel appreciated and heard.
[00:23:13] That part.
[00:23:14] I'm one of them women, I don't mind, and I'm talking about previous, you know, past relationship.
[00:23:19] I don't mind another man saying, oh, she look good.
[00:23:21] Oh, she pretty.
[00:23:21] Right.
[00:23:22] I don't flip out about that because you're with me.
[00:23:24] But if I don't hear that from you on a regular, because, you know, daddy will always compliment mama.
[00:23:29] Always.
[00:23:30] And daddy will always say, oh, that bitch bad.
[00:23:32] You know?
[00:23:33] And mama be right there.
[00:23:35] And there was no need for jealousy because she knew.
[00:23:39] Where she stood.
[00:23:39] You got that all the time.
[00:23:41] So that's, that, this is just, you know, an example.
[00:23:44] I'm telling you, man.
[00:23:45] That's a good example.
[00:23:46] That's a good, it's a good thing.
[00:23:47] Well, girl, it's a good example.
[00:23:48] But if you are complimenting her all the time and she getting under the feeling, she just got some issues.
[00:23:52] She little jealous.
[00:23:53] She little petty.
[00:23:56] But also physical touch and affection.
[00:23:58] Ooh, I love it.
[00:23:59] You know, it's always the impact of non-sexual affection on sexual.
[00:24:05] It's just like getting you warmed up.
[00:24:07] Hello.
[00:24:07] You know, it's just like, you know, when the car is cold in the winter.
[00:24:11] Yeah.
[00:24:11] You got to go in there, start it up, let it warm up for a minute before you drive.
[00:24:15] Hey, look.
[00:24:16] I like the kiss on the back of the neck, the hug from the back.
[00:24:19] Ooh.
[00:24:20] A little slap on the.
[00:24:20] The whisper in the ear.
[00:24:22] Baby, lean in, lean.
[00:24:23] Come on, let me feel your breath.
[00:24:27] I love it!
[00:24:30] It does not take much.
[00:24:33] Just a little finger across the neck, the back of the neck.
[00:24:36] There is something.
[00:24:36] Something.
[00:24:37] Girl, just rub my shoulder.
[00:24:40] Sometimes a hug, when you've had a hard day or you stressed and you don't know the hormones
[00:24:45] that you release of being feeling comforted, secure.
[00:24:48] Yes.
[00:24:49] With just a simple hug.
[00:24:50] It brings it down, baby.
[00:24:51] Baby.
[00:24:52] It starts to kick it.
[00:24:55] Whole kitty.
[00:24:55] Hey, you know what?
[00:24:56] But let's not forget about open communication.
[00:24:59] We have to encourage honest dialogue about the needs and desires that we have with each
[00:25:04] other.
[00:25:05] Oh, you're going to have that with me.
[00:25:06] Right?
[00:25:06] I don't know about you, bro.
[00:25:08] But I, I, look, I don't, I feel like if I don't tell you what it is I need, whether
[00:25:13] it's mentally, physically, bedroom, and it's not that I'm trying to teach you or tell
[00:25:18] you how to, I'm telling you this is me, this is what I need.
[00:25:21] This is what I like.
[00:25:22] If you choose to keep your mouth quiet, that's your fault.
[00:25:26] I'm not going to know what you need or like, but I try, you know, I try my best to pay
[00:25:33] attention.
[00:25:34] Okay.
[00:25:34] He likes that.
[00:25:35] Right.
[00:25:35] This made him happy.
[00:25:37] So I put that in my mental Rolodex and I think men need to do the same thing.
[00:25:41] Cause you may have just done something.
[00:25:43] You realize, Oh, that shit.
[00:25:44] She smiled.
[00:25:45] She was blushing.
[00:25:46] Put that in your mental Rolodex.
[00:25:48] Yeah.
[00:25:48] I don't understand.
[00:25:49] Cause you know, I'm very observant when I'm in a relationship and I just peep things
[00:25:53] that he likes.
[00:25:54] He enjoys.
[00:25:55] And okay.
[00:25:56] If it's a special occasion, if I just want to do something nice, I'll recall that.
[00:26:00] Yeah.
[00:26:00] Yeah.
[00:26:00] I ain't got no problem.
[00:26:01] I know I'm gonna have, I'm a, I'm a man gonna be happy.
[00:26:03] I'll be happy.
[00:26:04] That part.
[00:26:07] Now in conclusion of this episode, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on your own
[00:26:12] relationship.
[00:26:13] Think about how the effort and emotional connection are influencing your intimacy with your partner.
[00:26:19] Are you both putting in the time and effort?
[00:26:21] Are you both putting in the attention needed to keep the spark alive?
[00:26:25] Are small gestures of affection, quality time and emotional support, are they still present?
[00:26:30] Sometimes a lack of effort can lead to an emotional distance, which affects us physically, especially
[00:26:37] in our intimacy.
[00:26:38] It's important to recognize these signs and address them before they build up.
[00:26:42] And for the ladies, if you've been feeling a loss of desire, it might not be you.
[00:26:47] It could be the lack of connection and effort in your relationship.
[00:26:50] And for the men, take this as a reminder to stay engaged emotionally and romantically.
[00:26:57] Intimacy isn't just about the physical.
[00:26:59] It's the emotional closeness that keeps the fire burning.
[00:27:03] Keep investing in each other because it's the effort that you put into your relationship
[00:27:08] that will always pay off.
[00:27:10] Thank you guys again for tuning into another episode.
[00:27:12] I appreciate it.
[00:27:14] Make sure you follow me on social media.
[00:27:16] All social media is at talk to me, Michelle, and be sure to leave me a review.
[00:27:21] If you have time in your day on how you like the podcast, make sure you also subscribe to
[00:27:25] my YouTube channel and make sure you turn the notifications on.
[00:27:29] If you would like to support the show, the content, and even by merchandise, you can head
[00:27:35] on over to buymeacoffee.com backslash talk to me, Michelle.
[00:27:40] So until next episode, peace.
[00:27:42] Talk to me, Michelle.
[00:27:43] Bye.