Episode 33: Toxic Associations: How the Wrong People Hold You Back

[00:00:09] Talk To Me Michele.

[00:00:24] Welcome into another episode of Talk To Me Michele.

[00:00:26] I am your host, Michele.

[00:00:28] And I am going to bring some things that I experience, I observe, or I just want to talk about it.

[00:00:37] So either way, I hope it's going to be enlightening for you guys because on this episode,

[00:00:43] I want to discuss the impact of being affiliated with the wrong people.

[00:00:47] Uh huh, yeah, we got to affiliate ourselves with the right ones.

[00:00:52] So I want to discuss how these wrong affiliations can stunt a person's growth and success.

[00:00:59] And a negative or toxic association could drain your energy, damage your reputation,

[00:01:05] and block opportunities for progress.

[00:01:08] And I will share with you the hidden yet profound ways these relationships affect your mental health and goals.

[00:01:15] emphasize one needs to be surrounding themselves with people who are for them, with them.

[00:01:22] Setting boundaries with toxic connections can sometimes be a defining moment in one's personal and professional life.

[00:01:29] And you're like, okay, how does this even apply?

[00:01:31] Let me give you a prime example.

[00:01:33] And this is just a general example because I don't think you guys realize how deep this goes.

[00:01:38] An example is that you're affiliated with the person that can get you in some serious situations.

[00:01:44] You know, they have done some stuff, some dirt, some wrong.

[00:01:49] They've done it on their own, right?

[00:01:50] You were not there when they did it, but you can get hurt or worse for something that does not have anything to do with you just because you affiliated with them.

[00:02:00] So let's just go goodfellas.

[00:02:03] If I can't get to the main target, who's his boy?

[00:02:09] You see what I'm saying?

[00:02:11] Now, I stress reevaluating things in your life almost every episode I drop.

[00:02:17] But it's very important, especially in this particular circumstance, because you got to look at it as pertaining to your personal well-being for the company that you keep that can make or break you.

[00:02:28] The behavior can affect you and emotional intelligence.

[00:02:33] Unsatisfactory and toxic relationships will drain and hold one from growing.

[00:02:37] The importance of reassessing relationships from time to time is going to be an insurance enough for us to focus on what's going on around us.

[00:02:47] Am I around positive people?

[00:02:49] Am I around people who build up my happiness, support my goals?

[00:02:52] And most importantly, do they bring me peace?

[00:02:59] So let's discuss the consequences of toxic affiliations.

[00:03:03] You know, we have these associations and in this case, it shrinks our characters into a very small place.

[00:03:11] You know, so far as interpersonal or professional relations are concerned, you have to look at this because you all know a circumstance where if you or somebody that you know had an affiliation with somebody who's got a reputation, it's always some drama, it's always some nonsense, but you befriend them anyway.

[00:03:33] So me as an outsider looking in, I'm like, yo, I don't understand why you hang with them because you know they've done this, they done done that.

[00:03:41] And I mean, this is facts.

[00:03:43] So, you know, I'm not making up no he say she say these are facts that I'm going by.

[00:03:47] So I'm looking at the person I'm cool with like, okay, okay, this furthers to loss of trust and opportunities.

[00:03:56] And it makes one's image worse.

[00:03:59] Or let's just say I went on sweepstakes for a vacation.

[00:04:02] I want to take my home girl, but my home girl is hanging with this toxic heifer.

[00:04:07] And she's known to do toxic nonsense deliberately.

[00:04:11] So now I got to pick somebody else because I don't want to be affiliated.

[00:04:15] We've heard the old saying, you know, people usually judge you by the company that you keep not choosing to stay away from negative and unsavory character is detrimental to your credibility and future prospects.

[00:04:28] Take social media, for example.

[00:04:30] If you get like a follow request, are you considering following somebody?

[00:04:33] Do you ever go to their profile and just look it down from the very bottom all the way to the tippy top?

[00:04:39] You learn a lot through that one scroll.

[00:04:41] It kind of shows a reflection of who they are.

[00:04:45] So that's why you have to screen people and see, you know, what their vibe is before you invite them in such a personal space.

[00:04:52] A prime example is a man who likes to host freak offs.

[00:04:57] Okay, that is currently in the media and anybody affiliated with that situation has now suffered a reputational impact.

[00:05:07] Associating with that person during a time of controversy can lead to negative perceptions.

[00:05:12] So the image is already tarnished by association, especially if others view you as supporting or endorsing their actions, regardless of your personal beliefs.

[00:05:23] And the people affiliated may also suffer professional consequences.

[00:05:27] You know, this is a big industry.

[00:05:31] Entertainment wise, music wise, it's a big industry.

[00:05:34] When you have ties to somebody that's high profile and they are in the limelight because they got some legal issues,

[00:05:41] that's going to jeopardize career opportunities.

[00:05:44] Like who used to work for?

[00:05:45] Used to work for him?

[00:05:46] Oh, I don't know about that.

[00:05:47] I do not know about that one.

[00:05:49] In addition, you suffer public scrutiny because social media is the first to get any news before anybody else doesn't know.

[00:05:58] I promise it's just a scroll in the morning.

[00:06:01] You pretty much got your news feed.

[00:06:03] So with this being such a big case, this is going to lead to unwanted scrutiny for anybody that was affiliated.

[00:06:10] So people are looking at, you know, the connections involved and that's going to make them a target.

[00:06:16] I'm sorry for any negative press is simply because of the affiliation.

[00:06:21] Did you realize it takes a lot of energy to be negative and a lot of energy to be toxic?

[00:06:28] It is completely exhausting.

[00:06:31] It sucks out the energy and you may feel emotional and mentally drained when you deal with somebody of this nature.

[00:06:39] You know, people create stress and conflict and negativity in your life by choice, which in the end is going to drain the energy,

[00:06:45] put you in a bad mood affecting your focus, general well-being.

[00:06:50] Have you ever had somebody that pissed you off so bad and they just gloated in it?

[00:06:56] You know, they did deliberately.

[00:06:58] You know that your mood has shifted from being nice to nasty.

[00:07:02] You give it a good amount of time.

[00:07:04] This is going to be a drainage of energy leading to a burnout anxiety, you know,

[00:07:09] and physically we get affected by stress.

[00:07:12] You know, it's so many different tolls and consequences that come with this affiliation.

[00:07:17] And people don't realize that wrong affiliations can lock you out of important career and life opportunities by painting you in a bad light or just being seen as untrustworthy.

[00:07:27] More than often than not, the people in your network drive how others perceive you.

[00:07:31] So I also think the loss of opportunities, you know, you're definitely closing doors on the growth.

[00:07:37] You're closing doors on the opportunities when you are affiliating with the wrong people around you.

[00:07:42] Now, a notable example that I'm sure we all know of is a female rapper and a male rapper.

[00:07:48] An incident took place between the two of them, but the female rapper had to face consequences of the association.

[00:07:55] It affected some collaborators working from her.

[00:07:58] People were hesitant and public perception also came about this.

[00:08:02] It was a big back and forth on social media and the drama surrounding the incident.

[00:08:07] It drew significant, like I said, social media is there.

[00:08:10] Shifting the focus from her music and the brand to a personal turmoil she experienced.

[00:08:16] This could detract from promotional opportunities, diminish the impact of that woman's music releasing during that period.

[00:08:24] So overall, the affiliation she had with this man highlighted how being linked in controversial figure can lead to loss of opportunities and hinder personal and professional growth.

[00:08:38] All right, it's time for the red flags.

[00:08:40] How do you know you are around the wrong people?

[00:08:43] It's very easy because a lack of support while being with the wrong people may be in that it makes you fail to pursue what you really want to do.

[00:08:53] You have a, you know, start something out and everybody has humble beginnings.

[00:08:57] But if you start something out and you got somebody that's constantly down in your dream, down in your effort, and that hinders people from moving forward and tapping in on their greatness.

[00:09:07] But in some cases, they try to sabotage the progress while it's taking place.

[00:09:12] They discourage you.

[00:09:13] They manipulate you.

[00:09:15] This fake support will slow down your development, extinguish the fire inside of you.

[00:09:21] Let's also discuss the negative influence because the negative influence, you know, people around you should be encouraging good habits, but they tend to encourage bad habits, bad behavior that don't even align with your core values.

[00:09:35] And they encourage toxic mindsets, unhealthy lifestyles, or forcing you to make unethical decisions.

[00:09:42] All this makes you go down this path where your integrity is compromised.

[00:09:48] Let's just say if a woman was on a weight loss journey, but she got a girlfriend that is constantly encouraging her to go to all these fast food chains, knowing the journey this woman is on for her weight loss.

[00:10:00] So that's a prime example on how people try to throw you off.

[00:10:03] And even she could just verbalize it.

[00:10:06] Like, I don't know why you just don't eat what you want.

[00:10:08] You ain't gonna lose any weight anyhow.

[00:10:09] People will say cruel stuff like that just to get under your skin and distract you.

[00:10:14] Now there's another situation with a celebrity that took place back in 2022 where this celebrity wore a t-shirt that said white lives matter.

[00:10:23] And you already know, everybody lost their mind when they saw a celebrity in this shirt because it sparked controversy.

[00:10:30] It was a lot of backlash and it was perceived to some as a proactive statement against the black lives matter movement.

[00:10:38] Now, when I personally saw this, I was just like, yo, that's cap.

[00:10:43] That is cap.

[00:10:44] But when this person wore this shirt, there were so many comments on social media, widespread criticism leading to discussions about race, social justice, the implications of such statements made in the context of ongoing conversations about systematic racism and inequality.

[00:11:03] Now, another thing I peep about people before I get to tell me, you know, how much drama do you do?

[00:11:07] How many times am I going to turn around and hear about some nonsense you didn't got yourself in the mix with?

[00:11:13] Because unhealthy relationships are usually plagued by constant drama.

[00:11:17] This is going to cause stress and tension in your life because people only survive on generating issues.

[00:11:23] You ever known somebody who's just always confrontational?

[00:11:26] I don't care if it's about breakfast, where you're going to do for the day, but they like to argue.

[00:11:32] They like to manipulate and they create them out of nowhere.

[00:11:36] It's a peaceful situation until they like, rah, I'm like, well, hold on.

[00:11:40] They don't even take all that.

[00:11:41] And it's nothing to even argue about.

[00:11:43] But what sets them off can be very small and is always a situation.

[00:11:48] So this is a kind of continuous trauma, you know, is drawing off your emotional energy because for some reason people like to see when they can drain you of your own energy.

[00:12:01] They're drawing your attention away from the goals you had already set and even at times have its repercussions on your mental and physical health.

[00:12:09] Because I know I have been in previous situations and the situation was so stressful to me.

[00:12:16] And you would get headaches, stomach aches, back cramps, can't sleep.

[00:12:21] You know, that's what it does to you physically.

[00:12:24] Mentally, you are just spazzing.

[00:12:27] You got anxiety.

[00:12:28] You wonder why your blood pressure is so high because you are around this nonsense.

[00:12:37] So how do you detox your social circle?

[00:12:41] My number one advice is keep the circle small so you don't have to do so much house cleaning.

[00:12:46] Okay.

[00:12:46] But you have to look at certain things with the people you surround yourself with.

[00:12:51] Observe if they're supportive and do they offer encouragement?

[00:12:55] You know, the people in your life, think about it.

[00:12:58] In your life, do they support your goals?

[00:13:00] Do they celebrate your success?

[00:13:02] Do they sincerely help you through tough times?

[00:13:06] Those are the good relationships that you want to build.

[00:13:08] And those are the good positive ones you want to keep.

[00:13:10] And the toxic relationships, you'll hear things that put you down and make you feel terrible.

[00:13:16] And I don't want to be around nobody that makes me feel terrible.

[00:13:19] Also check your energy level.

[00:13:21] Check and see if every time you spend some time with somebody and you come out of the interaction and ask yourself,

[00:13:29] Do I feel drained?

[00:13:34] Do I have any energy?

[00:13:36] Do I have any positive vibes?

[00:13:38] Or am I feeling exhausted and stressed out?

[00:13:41] Because people that make you feel good, support you, inspire you, don't make you feel that way.

[00:13:46] Toxic relationships do.

[00:13:48] They drain you of your energy.

[00:13:50] One of my favorites is to observe the give and take ratio.

[00:13:54] Because wholesome relationships are balanced in a way that people give and take from it.

[00:13:58] And when you are always given, but seldom get back support or acts of kindness, it's high time to let them go.

[00:14:07] Also reflect on the people who inspire you to grow or do they keep you stagnant?

[00:14:13] Because positive relationships will push you to evolve.

[00:14:15] And the toxic ones may want to keep you where you at, if not worse.

[00:14:20] If you're trying to quit smoking, they encourage you to keep on eating.

[00:14:23] You want a cigarette? You know I'm trying to quit.

[00:14:26] One of my things I love about the people I have in my life now is that we observe each other and we make each other feel good about ourselves.

[00:14:33] You know it could be just a simple makeup job, a new hairstyle, and the girlfriends I affiliate with are so complimentary.

[00:14:41] And I do the same thing to them.

[00:14:43] So if I have a girlfriend, you know my hair is banging.

[00:14:46] I just left the salon.

[00:14:47] She got her nose all snarled up, suck of the teeth.

[00:14:51] And I'm like, oh, don't do that.

[00:14:53] Don't do that.

[00:14:54] You know this shit look good.

[00:14:56] Analyze how people resolve conflict.

[00:15:00] Because if we can't have a conversation and you like to just start yelling, screaming, throwing stuff, no, we're not doing that.

[00:15:08] So if we don't have a calm nature, what if we have a misunderstanding down the line that we need to have a conversation?

[00:15:15] Is this how you're going to react?

[00:15:16] Because when people react like that, I shut down.

[00:15:19] I'm good.

[00:15:20] Pay attention to your intuition.

[00:15:23] You know, we have to give our intuition so much more credit because oftentimes you ever feel uneasy around certain people.

[00:15:31] You got to pay attention to your intuition because the individual, you know, can be in an unhealthy relationship and find themselves feeling uneasy with this person.

[00:15:40] So you got to listen to your gut.

[00:15:42] If something in your gut is telling you this ain't right, I can't put my finger on it.

[00:15:47] It's not right.

[00:15:47] But I need to go ahead and listen to my gut.

[00:15:53] We're going to start doing a slow backup.

[00:15:55] We're going to start distancing ourselves away from it.

[00:15:58] So gradually limit the contact you have with them.

[00:16:01] You know, the boundaries, you know, you can set them, but I don't know if they're going to be respected if they, you know, move the way they move.

[00:16:07] And you can communicate honestly when you have a problem with somebody, as long as you don't, you know, go disrespectful.

[00:16:14] Let them know.

[00:16:15] Look, I can't deal with you right now because every time I do this is taking place.

[00:16:19] I'm feeling a certain way and I need to, you know, just back up.

[00:16:22] Now, if you at work, just stay professional.

[00:16:25] Refrain from gossiping about it, fighting about it.

[00:16:29] If there's social outings, just, you know, politely like, I'm sorry.

[00:16:32] I can't make.

[00:16:33] I got another commitment.

[00:16:33] You can set a distance in this way without adding any extra tension at the job.

[00:16:39] Now, although you're, you know, taking a step back, do you want to have an open door policy?

[00:16:44] You know, a policy that may be not beneficial to affiliate yourself at this time, but maybe further down the line.

[00:16:52] I would say if you observe changes, if you observe effort, but nine times out of 10, if they are going to remain in that space, it's just best to close the door.

[00:17:01] Your exit strategy can go as smooth as, you know, I'm taking a step back, trying to focus on some things, you know, but I wish you the best and I hope we can catch up in the future.

[00:17:11] Now, you will have some people to protest when you make that announcement.

[00:17:14] So if they protest on you trying to stay cool, you know, just explain to them again.

[00:17:19] I'm not going to get into an argument.

[00:17:21] I'm not going to get emotional about the situation.

[00:17:23] I'm going to stay cool.

[00:17:25] I'm not going to cross over any boundaries and just say, hey, respectfully, I'm out.

[00:17:29] And the motivation for me is staying on the path that I'm trying to stay on, keeping the growth going.

[00:17:35] But this motivates me personally to stay focused on my own growth because it's a protection of energy.

[00:17:41] Now, when I get rid of that toxic energy, you need to stay focused on the growth because that's the motivation.

[00:17:46] And that's the reason you got rid of them in the first place.

[00:17:48] That is the reason.

[00:17:50] But the protection of your energy is the main thing.

[00:17:53] First, knowing your well-being and focusing on healthier relationships and nourishing environments.

[00:17:59] This also may include socialization because you have people that are still affiliated with this person.

[00:18:04] There's going to be a social gathering.

[00:18:06] I honestly wouldn't even involve myself because if I know that there's going to be a person that I'm trying to distance myself from,

[00:18:13] there's no need to be being there.

[00:18:14] It really isn't.

[00:18:15] What is it going to do?

[00:18:17] What is it going to do?

[00:18:18] You're going to probably leave the event in a bad mood.

[00:18:22] I'm telling you, you start off going there looking forward to a nice night.

[00:18:27] But by the time you interact with this person, your mood is switched up.

[00:18:34] So in conclusion of this episode, some of the main things I want you guys to walk away with is that personal growth and mental peace can be achieved only when one distance themselves from wrong people for several reasons.

[00:18:46] And that includes your reputation being damaged, your energy being drained, opportunities being lost.

[00:18:54] You got no encouragement coming from them.

[00:18:56] There's also some negative influence and consistent stress or drama.

[00:19:01] All that is a bad mix.

[00:19:03] So just make sure you protect your peace and it's not worth you being affiliated with somebody that deep if that's how they're going to make you feel.

[00:19:11] By removing these influences, you make room for positive people who nurture your well-being, continue to inspire your growth and provide a peaceful, satisfying life that we all deserve.

[00:19:23] I just want peace and satisfaction.

[00:19:25] So my listeners out there who have made tough decisions concerning your social circles, let me remind you that taking care of your well-being is not only important, but a step of growth that actually is very courageous.

[00:19:39] And sometimes it takes distancing yourself from negative influences for your peace and progress.

[00:19:46] Trust your instincts.

[00:19:47] Really know that it's okay to let it go of any connection that no longer serves you.

[00:19:52] So surround yourself with people who uplift you, support your dreams, align with your values.

[00:19:58] These are the relationships that you are going to thrive in.

[00:20:01] And I know changing is hard.

[00:20:02] We get so adjusted, but it's time for a change.

[00:20:06] It often marks the beginning of a new start, a new era.

[00:20:10] Take the journey ahead, knowing with every step you create a positive environment around you, you're walking into a brighter, more fulfilling future.

[00:20:18] And we deserve to have people around us who celebrate our growth, inspire us to reach our fullest potential.

[00:20:25] So just keep moving forward, y'all.

[00:20:27] You got this.

[00:20:28] Thanks again, guys, for tuning into this episode.

[00:20:31] I hope you enjoyed it.

[00:20:32] If you did, you could follow me on social media at TalkToMeMichelle on all social media platforms.

[00:20:38] Make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel at TalkToMeMichelle again.

[00:20:42] And when you subscribe, turn the notifications on.

[00:20:45] And if you like the show and the content, I would appreciate if you guys could leave me a review.

[00:20:50] A couple of stars, you know what I'm saying?

[00:20:52] I'd appreciate that.

[00:20:53] And if you want to support the content, you can do so at buymeacoffee.com backslash TalkToMeMichelle.

[00:21:00] All right, everybody, I will see you next episode.

[00:21:02] Peace.