Ep 304: Life After Divorce feat Blended Family Podcast

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Look at talk, brand new episode of Girl and Folks Conversation with some liquor and

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_03]: no we didn't go to the Ditty parties and we don't have a thousand bottles of baby oil.

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_03]: It starts right now.

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Walking what we're going to play right to another edition of Liquor Talk, I had to say something

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_03]: about it because everybody, my mom was talking about it but ladies and gentlemen, this

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_03]: is the liquor talk with a missed of season 7 ladies and gentlemen.

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_03]: I joined me today.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_03]: She's podcasting from Virginia, she's the host of the Blended Family Podcast, it's Miss LaRaine.

[00:00:36] [SPEAKER_03]: How are you doing today?

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_03]: I am wonderful, I'm wonderful, I'm not sitting this by Jill because I had a thousand bottles

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_03]: of baby oil.

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I will hope not.

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_03]: And also and I'm not the person you got to tell no to when they want to party.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that's right.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_03]: He's on the party and I have some drinks, you know, and we need to.

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_03]: All right now that we go with the jokes, just so I appreciate it's plenty more coming

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_03]: but some people about your platform, Blended Family Podcasts.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00]: So my name is Lorene Bass and I am the host and co-founder of the Blended Family Podcast.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Blended Family Podcast is basically talking about family who have been broken up and they

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00]: reunite with someone new and they become one.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: So they may have your partner may have children, you may have children and you just blending

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00]: in the family and you talk about some of the difficulties that you make go through.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00]: They may be culture shocks there, exes involved as well.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, exes they also play a role in it where they may not want to have your children

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00]: to meet the new partners or whatnot.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: So those that is what the podcast is basically about and it's just learning and put in my own

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_00]: personal experience online.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So people is easy to relate and also give me their feedback as well.

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, just to share because a lot of things we just don't talk about a lot of things

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: that just hit in.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: So instead of just always talking about relationships, you know, we're really talking

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: about family matters here.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_03]: That's amazing.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_03]: That's amazing.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_03]: So what made you decide that you probably want to do a podcast because everybody has the

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_03]: ideas, but nobody executes on them.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_03]: So what made you decide I'm going to execute on this idea?

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, what happened was I had met someone actually and he was also divorced.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: He had children.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm divorced.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I have children and we got together and for I had to decide well, we've

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: both had decided that we were just going to go full throttle with a relationship.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And we were going to have, we wanted our children to meet.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: So I literally came up with a whole day of activities for our children to meet and it

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: went on and on and on and on and I would tell my girls about this and someone for my

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: job actually said, you know, hey, Lorraine, why don't you make a podcast called the

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: family?

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, you know what that sounds really, really good.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, I'm going to come up with some content content, you know, to talk about.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And I also discussed this with him as well.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: He actually liked the idea.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: We actually came up with a large date and everything.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And about one month prior to the opening, he actually ghosted me.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_03]: And he goes to him.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: He goes to me.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm talking about ghosted like he didn't return my calls.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_00]: He just is like he up and disappeared.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of people asked me, they was like, well, do you know if he's alive?

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I said, no, he's very much alive.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I ended up going to his house.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I think that same week, I waited to the weekend.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And I just, I had keys to his place.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: So I just took all of my belongings out of his house and the crazy part about it is that the

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_00]: two major things that I went to his house to get.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I actually ended up forgetting.

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: But I took everything else out of his house and left his keys there, left a little

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: note.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And then that was it.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00]: That was it.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: And it really bothered me because we're both in our 40s.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And he was even, he's five years older than me.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, if this was something you didn't want to do, you can just easily have a conversation

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00]: about it.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: So that was the father's son of it all.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Nonetheless, I still decided to launch blended family podcast and talk about me getting

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: ghosted, talked about how the family became one for a short period of time.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00]: And then you know, just started making content about blended families about divorces and things

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: like that just literally putting my own personal experience on the line in front of the world.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And it was, it was extremely relatable to a lot of people.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was blessed to have so much feedback and positive feedback to continue to continue.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Basically.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's the stuff.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Um, let's not play bad.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I got ghosts earlier to share.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_03]: It's not a fun feeling like people will tell you a dream that makes you sound like they're

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_03]: down with you.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_03]: They're rocking with you.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's also in a sense when somebody does anything, you same age range.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, you, you went through things and then somebody's showing you differently.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_03]: But you want to go stem.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_03]: I wouldn't have more respect for you if you would just tell me what's up.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_03]: If you need space or something is going on, I would have more respect for you just

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_03]: something was up.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Yep, I totally agree with you.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I think what they're calling it now because some people still say it's ghosting, but

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00]: they also call it love bomb in as well.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_00]: When you have people who just want you to like fall in love with them, they love you.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: They do all the right things.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: They are everything because this man literally checked off all the boxes and then some

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_00]: and then all of a sudden just disappear.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I had a relative, she actually said to me, I'll article about love bombing.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of people out there doing it whether they men or women, they are love bombing

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: and then they're disappearing and they move it onto the next person.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Like, I don't get it.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_03]: What is the point of love bombing?

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_03]: If you just, if you know you're just going to move on because if I'm showing love, I'm

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_03]: thinking a long time.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm thinking we're going to make some shit happen together.

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Not something short-term thing like what is wrong with people?

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Right, exactly.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: It's the same thing for me.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: After my divorce, you know, I had some healing, some self-reflected that I needed

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: to do.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And once I had done all of that and I was ready to actually date and date to find my mate,

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, okay, I'm ready for this.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And he was basically the first relationship that I had after my divorce, which was basically

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: two and a half years later, and then that happened.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: So you know, I was extremely crushed.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like, that is experience that I will never ever want to have again go through.

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Or want even anybody else going through.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, if you don't want to be bothered with me, I'd rather you just tell me, just tell me.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll still be hurt.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'd be happy.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I respect you more because you did tell me.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's been plenty of women that tell me that, hey, I'm just not working for me.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_03]: I still got respect for you.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_03]: I still show you love on social media.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I'm saying?

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, I'm just going to hit the block on you know, I still show love, but it's like

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_03]: it may not be the same because I thought I live you, but you know, I have a little more

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_03]: respect for you, create somebody who just goes for no reason.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I totally agree with you there.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_00]: So yes.

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Now, now speaking about the divorce.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Now what made you, how long why did it take so long to get back into the date and phase

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_03]: after going through the divorce?

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so to be very transparent, I was married twice in divorce twice.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So my first marriage, I was young.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_00]: We both were young at the time.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And we did have a son, we could see the son with the net marriage.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00]: And with that marriage, he was more of a womanizer.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm a very independent woman, but I'm also submissive as well.

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And we were just, we just did not mix well at all.

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And I waited about four years to really seriously date someone and date someone for longevity.

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_00]: And I did date someone prior to meeting my second husband.

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And that was short lived.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And then when I met my second husband, we ended up, things were very fast with us.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I got pregnant with my second child, his first son.

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And then we were together nearly 10 years before I decided to get a divorce from him.

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason why I took such a gap is because I needed to work on me a little bit.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And always tell people, for each relationship, you should be a different person.

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I was not the same woman.

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I was with my first marriage, with my second.

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And my second marriage, I was two totally different women at that time.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Because I've also grown up, you know, I got married in my early 20s.

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And then I got married in my late 30s.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, and that was that.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00]: But I waited to date for the simple fact that I moved to a different part.

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And by the way, I live in New Jersey.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00]: So I moved to a different part of New Jersey in South Jersey.

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_00]: And I wanted to concentrate on my children and make them comfortable and make them also understand

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00]: the situation I was going on between me and their dad.

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So my focus was mainly on them before I can really focus on myself and try to date anybody else.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I did.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And don't get me wrong.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I did go out.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't like, you know, I showed to myself and like I didn't go out and, you know, meet people.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I did no one met my children.

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And I liked it that way because I wasn't ready to settle down.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't ready to settle down until I met the guy who actually goes to me.

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_00]: That's when I was ready to settle down for a long job.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And even after that,

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I was still ready to settle and find my mate for the rest of my life.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I always say, you know, I'm looking for my rocking chair person.

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, who I can sit on a porch and just we can both rock away.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Just talk about people in the streets.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, I kept myself open to love because during that time that I was focused on

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_00]: my children, I was also healing for my divorce.

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And the one thing that I want to mention is that even though I was the one who filed

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_00]: for divorce, it still hurt me because I still had loved my ex husband at that time.

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Very, very much.

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But we were too much of oil and water and things was just not mixed enough.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And it was time to walk away.

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes the hardest steps is walking away from someone that you do love.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_00]: But you got to do it and for it to be necessary for you to grow, if you to heal.

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And for you to also find someone who can love you.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_03]: That's the right answer.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_03]: So, I do appreciate you sharing all that and also my bad about the time thing.

[00:11:43] [SPEAKER_03]: So, listen things up the difference.

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_03]: The listen things up though.

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_03]: How are you a jersey can?

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_03]: How are you living new jersey but you rock with the cowboys?

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, first of all, I was going to have a good.

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, you may do it.

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_00]: You're all my got to see.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And you won't first of all, this is the one that I want to look at.

[00:12:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you doing okay?

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So, this is what's going to shock you.

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm actually from Brooklyn, New York.

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I am up against a lot of giant fans but I have been a Dallas Cowboys fan since 1994

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00]: when D.M.S. Sanders was on the team.

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And I have never left that team, but my New York team is Jets.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I've never was a giant fan but I am a Jets fan.

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I will say that for New York.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00]: But I am a die hard, ride hard Cowboys nation's fan all the way through.

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I have my jersey on the other night.

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like Cowboys here for life.

[00:12:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I started.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know what you are to pity me of why Stephen A. goes up on the Cowboys fan.

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh really?

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Everywhere.

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Everywhere.

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, you are.

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not a Someday out in South Florida.

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Some of the guys say you never been to Dallas.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_03]: But I have no business.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I have no business.

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I have no business.

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_00]: But I am a Cowboys fan 100%.

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_00]: And still that's almost what 30 years?

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_00]: 94 to now.

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00]: That's about 30 years right there.

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah and they haven't done nothing since.

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_00]: You know why we not go to the right now, okay?

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to talk about my Cowboys.

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Listen, I'm a pair of one of worst franchises in football.

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm a bookstead and you know, we're not always.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_03]: But hey, they're going to get me two subboys in the top.

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_03]: This Cowboys last year.

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah, I guess this is from this room.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, this looks like you know,

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_03]: I had to loosen up the mood a little bit.

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, and I didn't want to get some of you in all of so.

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_03]: What did you learn about yourself?

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Now we're all going to go back to the divorce and then what did you learn about yourself after the divorce is?

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00]: You know what it is so hard to find what you can learn about yourself in situations like that.

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But the one thing that I did learn was that I needed to speak up a little bit more.

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And I needed to learn how to express my feelings.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I am a type of person where I don't like to hurt people's feelings.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Even when they are wrong, I don't like to hurt their feelings.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00]: But it came to a point in time where I needed to step up and say what I need to say because what happened is that

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_00]: that's supposed to be a burden on you.

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Then it's supposed to be a foundation where it's supposed to stack on top of you.

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And then everything that the person will do, it will be a problem on top of that problem on top of that problem.

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00]: So for me going forward after my second divorce, I said whatever I have an issue with,

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I am going to express.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_00]: And that was the one thing that I needed to step up.

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I had a conversation with my brother and he was like, you know,

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_00]: even though this person may have done all of this, they was like,

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00]: but there was something that you did also in your marriage to contribute to it.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember I was like, but I didn't do anything.

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't do anything.

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And then I had to sit and sit and reflect and I said,

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00]: you know what? You are absolutely right.

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I never spoke up.

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I let a lot of things go by and I never spoke up.

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_00]: So that was the one main thing that I have learned after a divorce.

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Listen, I have a really good mid-June taking accountability.

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Because that's some women out here.

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_03]: I know you see them all social media, but they're not taking accountability to save their lives.

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_03]: They let them tell the men it's all in the wrongness of.

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_03]: And also I feel you want to speak enough too,

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_03]: because I don't have a podcast.

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes I can be kind of passive because I'm like,

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_03]: hey, really worth my time, but what I think I've learned

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_03]: is like you better talk to people before it snowballs.

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_03]: It's just something big.

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_03]: But sometimes something small was snowballed into some big.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_03]: And they're just saying, you know,

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_03]: you're looking at a breakup or divorce or ghosting, you know?

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Right exactly.

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is very, very true.

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is why I always tell people that when you are breaking up,

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_00]: give yourself time to get to know who you are before you ready to step into another relationship.

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Because what happened is that you take what it's going on in that relationship

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_00]: and you can actually bring it into the next relationship without you either realizing

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_00]: you can bring in a security.

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_00]: You can free arguments that you can there.

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00]: There's so many things that can go wrong.

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the one thing you don't want to do is bring any old baggage

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_00]: to something new that you're trying to build.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_03]: They're definitely.

[00:16:34] [SPEAKER_03]: And you know what's happening also people you need to heal to before getting into another

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_03]: relationship because sometimes you will look for things as soon as somebody gets some wrong

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_03]: your comparison today, last person and add an X to that to me.

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, did you really heal?

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_03]: If you take the I know I messed up, I take the ability for that.

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_03]: But why does you compare me to one of your Xs when I can hold down the job?

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm like your X.

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm told me.

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_00]: You see exactly.

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the thing when they start comparing the name really have them let go or they

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_00]: may have let go, but they haven't healed themselves and they're not ready to be in a relationship.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's okay.

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00]: But what I also find with a lot of women, but I also know it's a lot of men.

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_00]: They don't like to be alone.

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_00]: So I have known females that will go from relationship to relationship to relationship to

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00]: relationship.

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I know women who have never been by themselves, they've never been single because they've

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_00]: always jumped from one relationship to another to the next of the next net.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And what happened is when you do something like that, you lose your own identity

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_00]: because you become a chameleon and you want to please them and be like them and you don't

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_00]: know who you are.

[00:17:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you take a break, you get to know who you are, you get to know your dislikes,

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_00]: what you accept, what you don't accept, what you do like, what you can compromise on.

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, little things like that actually do matter and it's part of self healing.

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_00]: People don't realize that.

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It is part of self healing, but a lot of people don't take those steps to do that.

[00:18:06] [SPEAKER_00]: They will just keep going and going and going and trying to figure out why they are

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_00]: in the same predicament with every person they've had been with.

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, that's true.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_03]: People don't understand the definition of insanity which is, you're in the same thing

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_03]: over and over again, look at four different results.

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_03]: And I know Plinn and Men that do the same thing.

[00:18:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Instead of trying to keep their own place to stay, they will just pretend to be, oh,

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm in love with this woman then when it blows up, they they almost for a little bit

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_03]: at their next thing they'll tell them somebody else.

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, that's not healthy.

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_03]: That is really not healthy for anybody.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yeah, I have a brother like that.

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00]: He lives off a woman, you know, he'll jump from a woman to a woman and he's like, you know,

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_00]: he thinks cooking and cleaning is the payman and stuff.

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, that doesn't pay bills.

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, it's only but so much you can do before they go and kick you out.

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's unfortunate because there are plenty of men that I know that it's like him that

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00]: is like that.

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_00]: They move certain ways, you know, and it's just like, that's not going to work for long.

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what it is.

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_03]: But also, it don't work for long because no woman is coming in there telling them that

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_03]: they'll do this and also because they may listen to family, but they may but it may take

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_03]: someone from the outside.

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_03]: It may take another woman to tell them that, hey, this ain't going to work, you know?

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's one of our last days unless he's being motivated by the woman.

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00]: So it depends on the woman as well.

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Women as us women, we can we can make a break of men.

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not the man who can either break or make a woman.

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_00]: It's the woman who can either make a break of men.

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's what we allow and if the man can get away with it, they will.

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And if they can't she'll put a foot down from day one.

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm that type of a month ago, I'm from day one.

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_00]: So you already know what my room is in regulation.

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, I think more people need to be out at women and men who they need to put

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_03]: unless they're not going to laugh from day one.

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_03]: And if that's the case and it'll make a break.

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, it'll make a break to relationship because if you do that from day one, maybe

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_03]: down to line you're not talking about split enough.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And especially if you guys don't want the same page, that makes it even better.

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when you want the same page, you don't have to wear.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_00]: You be like, well, he thinking the same way I'm thinking.

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_00]: So I am worried about it.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's when you have to question it if you see that they move differently.

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And if it doesn't sit right or vibe right with you, then it's best for you to step

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_00]: up and say something and not prolong it because the longer you prolong it, the worse the situation

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_00]: actually gets.

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, it is.

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_03]: It definitely gets worse because it's like the ticking time bomb or it could be like a

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_03]: ball champagne at the while you're shaking it, you're taking it.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_03]: The bitch is going to explode and then all of my break loose exactly exactly.

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_03]: So yeah, that's not something we all want to be a part of.

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_03]: But, um, no.

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_03]: That's true.

[00:21:12] [SPEAKER_03]: So what is something about the forces that people may have not known?

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I will say each situation is different.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I will say my first divorce was was not pleasant at all.

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It was hard.

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_00]: The arguments.

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I go, I think we argue for like a good 10 years.

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_00]: It was it was really, really difficult.

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but you know what you argue.

[00:21:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry, say that again.

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_03]: After I haven't held you say in a marriage where you argue with my for 10 years.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_00]: No, we would this time we were already divorced and this because I'm a type of woman

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_00]: where I don't get moved.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_00]: So he used to pick and nitpick ones or things.

[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think like maybe the first, I'm going to say the first five to six years.

[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_00]: It would get to me because he would use our son against me.

[00:22:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And I used to be like, Oh, my gosh.

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_00]: And you used to get really, really bad.

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_00]: My second divorce was actually easy because we had a discussion prior to I told him what

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I was going to do.

[00:22:21] [SPEAKER_00]: What I was touching, what I wasn't touching and you know, I actually paid for the divorce.

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want him paid for anything because I wanted to make sure that it actually went through.

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And, um, you know, and it was easy, you know, the process in that matter.

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_00]: We still have small children.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So I still have to communicate with him.

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I will say we are great at co parenting.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_00]: We do not talk to one another, but in, in discussion about children, you know,

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_00]: we will say what we need to say about that and then that's it.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But, um, you know, to go back to your question, um, every divorce is different.

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and it depends on how it ends.

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, sometimes, um, there are people like I have a best friend.

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_00]: She divorced her husband.

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_00]: They have been together 21 years.

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00]: They are the best of friends.

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Not everybody can actually say that.

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, so it really depends on how the relationship was during the marriage and then how it is

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_00]: after the marriage.

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I know with both my exes, I will never be friends with them, but we can't co-parent together.

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's about it.

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_00]: That's about as far as it goes.

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, that's the so delish up and co-parent and we're going to find a way to put it this.

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_03]: But yeah, I thought ever coming to mind if it gets past the start number of years that

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm just going to ride this out and we're just going to be together because

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_03]: you get divorced at the 20 years.

[00:23:48] [SPEAKER_03]: I'll find that kind of crazy.

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_00]: You know what is, you know what it is?

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Um, because of course a lot of us was talking about the judge math this.

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, situational.

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we saw this first year.

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, she wants to divorce him after 39 years.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And even though there's a lot of he says she say what's going on, I know he had

[00:24:06] [SPEAKER_00]: addressed the public and basically it was his work interfere with his marriage.

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And he didn't make enough time for her and things like that.

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I will say this part.

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, I'm a different type of woman.

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I have been with a lot of updated entrepreneurs.

[00:24:25] [SPEAKER_00]: My first husband, he was an entrepreneur.

[00:24:27] [SPEAKER_00]: He had his own business.

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_00]: My second one, he had a career.

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And their jobs did take a lot away from the home.

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_00]: But I knew that going in and I knew that they are men,

[00:24:44] [SPEAKER_00]: they are providers, they want to provide for their children,

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_00]: they want to provide for their household and everything else.

[00:24:50] [SPEAKER_00]: My first husband, I used to only see him for one hour.

[00:24:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And he was gone.

[00:24:56] [SPEAKER_00]: People when I was a taxi driver.

[00:24:59] [SPEAKER_00]: So he was all over New Jersey and I was seeing him from one hour, which was that hour

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_00]: for him to, he will come home, shower, get dressed and then head right back out to work

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_00]: because we had a child.

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And even though I worked to my due, I did work as well.

[00:25:14] [SPEAKER_00]: But he was like, you know, the house needed work and he needed to do this

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_00]: and I did not complain.

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_00]: My second husband with him, he had his career.

[00:25:25] [SPEAKER_00]: He has set hours and but he will do his overtime as well.

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And during like the end of the year, he will work work work work work work work work work work

[00:25:36] [SPEAKER_00]: and even the kids will be like, you know, well, where's that?

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And I would tell him, I was like, you need to be home because your kids missed you.

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And the funny part is, it's not like the kids want to do anything with them.

[00:25:47] [SPEAKER_00]: It's just, the dad just wasn't there.

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And he would take off from at least from overtime for about two to three months just so

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_00]: he could be home with them.

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, so that was an easy fix.

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_00]: He understood but he also let me know that if he is a way too long, you know,

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_00]: he said just let me know and I'll stop.

[00:26:10] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, so communication is the key.

[00:26:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I will say that much.

[00:26:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, yes.

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_03]: That's the major communication is definitely the key to any good relationship or marriage

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_03]: or certain situations and stuff.

[00:26:25] [SPEAKER_03]: So talk about this.

[00:26:27] [SPEAKER_03]: What's like getting back into the dating pool after you've been divorced?

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, been divorced twice.

[00:26:33] [SPEAKER_03]: What's that experience like that?

[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_03]: I'll go back for a lot of people that I still don't think of.

[00:26:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I will say this much.

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I am in a full blown relationship now and we met the old fashion way.

[00:26:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Prior to me, meeting him, I used to be on the dating apps and the dating apps, you know,

[00:26:59] [SPEAKER_00]: the one who goes to me, I met on a dating app.

[00:27:01] [SPEAKER_00]: So I will say that.

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I met him when he was a family.

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_03]: That's the same with me.

[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_03]: What was that?

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_03]: And that was the one that goes to me.

[00:27:09] [SPEAKER_03]: And that only date and I've this person left me a long-ass pair of graphs in.

[00:27:14] [SPEAKER_03]: How they're interested in one, the moon forward and stuff.

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god, I'm like, I'm not good at this.

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_03]: We both got those about people on the goddamn dating apps.

[00:27:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we should all day, do you see that?

[00:27:25] [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, so I was like, oh, I was like, well, I stood away from the dating app

[00:27:31] [SPEAKER_00]: because it had for a little bit.

[00:27:33] [SPEAKER_00]: But prior to meeting the man that I am with now,

[00:27:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I did go back on the dating app at the beginning of this year.

[00:27:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I was back on there.

[00:27:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And I have to say it just wasn't worth it.

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of them that's on there, I mean, their straight shooters, a lot of them was looking

[00:27:52] [SPEAKER_00]: for just to have a friend with benefits.

[00:27:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Some of them may have sounded off as if they was looking for relationships,

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_00]: but then at the end of the day, they really wasn't because I

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_00]: tend to come up a certain way and the one thing that I left out of all conversations was any kind of

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_00]: sex talk. And during most of these guys at guys on the private end of women or your end,

[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_00]: if you meet them on a dating app, a lot of them they want to go straight to that.

[00:28:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And it was just like, all right, you're blocked.

[00:28:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And I would do that. I will extomount and that was it.

[00:28:29] [SPEAKER_00]: They go like right back into the candidate poo, so to say.

[00:28:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And I will move on to the next. And I made sure that I did the chosen of them and then I would choose them

[00:28:40] [SPEAKER_00]: and because they had already chosen me. So it was up to me to choose them.

[00:28:44] [SPEAKER_00]: So I would choose them. We'll start a conversation. If the conversation wasn't going on the way,

[00:28:48] [SPEAKER_00]: it was X to Mouth. And that's how it was. I stayed on the dating app for about one month.

[00:28:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And um, and I was like, this is not for me. And I prayed about it. And I was like,

[00:28:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm probably going to have to meet somebody out in the street. And low and behold,

[00:29:03] [SPEAKER_00]: the person that I am with now, he actually spotted me on the street. I was working out.

[00:29:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And he spotted me. And um, and the rest of his history because we're still together now.

[00:29:15] [SPEAKER_03]: That's also so, at least you found somebody, you know what I'm saying? So

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_03]: was something, was some advice that you want to give to people who have been like newly divorced

[00:29:24] [SPEAKER_03]: or they're thinking about, um, they're thinking about the divorce.

[00:29:29] [SPEAKER_00]: So usually, um, I was speaking for the woman on a woman behalf.

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Now I've got to attend if we are already considering thinking about divorce, we already had made

[00:29:39] [SPEAKER_00]: it by our mind some time ago that we are going to divorce the person that we are married to.

[00:29:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I can speak for me. I kind of knew two years prior before I even left my ex husband that

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I was that our marriage wasn't going to last. So slowly but surely for me, I started putting

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_00]: my ducks in the row to prepare for this. I didn't know exactly when is exactly it was going to

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_00]: happen, but it seemed like during COVID everything happened during that time. And um, we had,

[00:30:13] [SPEAKER_00]: talked about it, we had had some harsh conversations until we had like one last blow up and then that

[00:30:19] [SPEAKER_00]: was the the end of it. But prior to that, what many don't know is that I had already started my

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_00]: divorce proceedings and then when we had the blow up all I have to do was just push the button

[00:30:32] [SPEAKER_00]: and that was it. And everything already set up. Um, so usually if a woman is ready to divorce

[00:30:40] [SPEAKER_00]: is because she already has thought about it for a while now. It's not something that happens

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_00]: overnight or anything like that, it's just we had enough of whatever the situation is or maybe

[00:30:50] [SPEAKER_00]: they just don't want to be married anymore. Um, nonetheless, it's already been planted in her head

[00:30:55] [SPEAKER_00]: that she's going to take these steps. For those who have already been newly, um, divorced, my advice

[00:31:02] [SPEAKER_00]: is take some time out for yourself, learn to date herself. Um, I date myself for the time, you know,

[00:31:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I said, well, I will say before I'm with the man that I'm with now because he dates me all the

[00:31:15] [SPEAKER_00]: time. But prior to him, I used to take myself out to the movies. I would take myself out to dinner.

[00:31:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I would do brunch. I would do breakfast and I was okay. I did long walks. Learn to date yourself

[00:31:27] [SPEAKER_00]: and get to know who you are before you even consider dating anybody. And just enjoy yourself

[00:31:35] [SPEAKER_00]: time for yourself. That's like the best advice I can give to a man and a woman who is new

[00:31:42] [SPEAKER_03]: me to divorce. Yes, that is some really good advice. I definitely agree with all of it. We've got to

[00:31:48] [SPEAKER_03]: take time for ourselves, God, learn ourselves and also because if you can't learn yourself,

[00:31:53] [SPEAKER_03]: then how the world is someone else expecting to learn you as well? Because it'll make no sense

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_03]: because you got to learn yourself somewhere, you know what bullshit you're not going to take them

[00:32:04] [SPEAKER_00]: exactly. And the thing is that a lot of times if you've been in a long-term marriage,

[00:32:10] [SPEAKER_00]: the only people you know is the person you've been married to and you know how to adjust and all that

[00:32:15] [SPEAKER_00]: other stuff. But when it comes after the marriage is like okay who am I now? How can I now you have

[00:32:22] [SPEAKER_00]: to read just to be in a single person and you have to learn so much about yourself and prepare for

[00:32:28] [SPEAKER_00]: those things. You know you just gotta do it, that's all to it. Just do it, just go out and

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_00]: enjoy yourself. I remember once I took myself to Applebee's, that's my little spot there. And

[00:32:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I took myself to Applebee's and I remember the waitress there, they sat me on the whole

[00:32:46] [SPEAKER_00]: smother, sat me at a table for eight people. You know how embarrassed I was, everybody at the bar

[00:32:51] [SPEAKER_00]: looking at me like who else is coming and I sat there on my phone, I was watching probably another

[00:32:57] [SPEAKER_00]: podcast and eat him up food with seven other seats. It was just me. I thought a little awkward

[00:33:04] [SPEAKER_00]: but I said you know what? I said it's okay, I get dressed up, I said get dressed up and just go out.

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Just go out and it will be me and myself and I sometimes ask all of you.

[00:33:18] [SPEAKER_03]: I do have to do that because sometimes I'll go out to the nice restaurants or I'll go out to

[00:33:23] [SPEAKER_03]: front of myself and they feel like they're showing me crazy but they're fucking, you know what I'm saying?

[00:33:27] [SPEAKER_03]: They're like, they're like, you know what I'm saying? Enjoy your time. So ladies,

[00:33:30] [SPEAKER_03]: ladies and gentlemen, I think we'll be five there. Just go out there and they just self,

[00:33:35] [SPEAKER_03]: you know what I'm saying? Go to the nice places and stop play Southside way when you know somebody

[00:33:40] [SPEAKER_03]: when you meet somebody, you tell me, I got this place you want to check out, you know what I'm saying?

[00:33:44] [SPEAKER_03]: By the way, they tell you, hey, I like seafood. Oh, it's good seafoods, but or good

[00:33:53] [SPEAKER_00]: that's the time when you're dating yourself and you're not looking for someone, that is when

[00:33:58] [SPEAKER_00]: you find someone. I wasn't looking for anyone but he found me. I was saying much, it's the

[00:34:05] [SPEAKER_00]: always it's always those times where you are out by yourself and you're not even looking to meet

[00:34:11] [SPEAKER_00]: anyone is when you find a person that just supposed to be with. I will say that. Yeah, that is true.

[00:34:18] [SPEAKER_03]: And also, do you want to feel like people do this? Sometimes they will meet the person.

[00:34:24] [SPEAKER_03]: It's supposed to be with, but they'll push them off or push them away. Like, why do people do that

[00:34:29] [SPEAKER_00]: shit? That is called self-sabotaging and a lot of times, and it's crazy because I talk about

[00:34:35] [SPEAKER_00]: this a lot with my girls where we are and women are probably more prone to it than men are,

[00:34:42] [SPEAKER_00]: but it's self-sabotaging when we feel like either a, we may not be good enough for the person

[00:34:48] [SPEAKER_00]: or we may, we feel like we don't meet their expectations and yet this person is like,

[00:34:56] [SPEAKER_00]: yes, you're everything that I want and we are just be a very critical of ourselves and just say

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_00]: no, I'm not the person. And we don't realize that we self-sabotaging until afterwards and you

[00:35:13] [SPEAKER_00]: know and it's sad to say, but it happens a lot more than we actually know. And with me and my

[00:35:22] [SPEAKER_00]: girls, we talk about it because I'm more of an optimist so I'll be like, just go for it.

[00:35:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And if it's not for you, at least you can say you tried. It never hurts. It doesn't hurt.

[00:35:35] [SPEAKER_03]: That's true. It doesn't hurt. It definitely doesn't hurt. And also,

[00:35:40] [SPEAKER_03]: you got to, if you keep saying somebody around, sometimes you got to go for it, you know,

[00:35:45] [SPEAKER_03]: it's like you got to go for it, especially if you keep saying this person around and around or

[00:35:49] [SPEAKER_03]: wherever you be, oh, yeah, hey, it's the same surface. Eventually, your might come back together and

[00:35:54] [SPEAKER_00]: make some happen. And you just never know, you know? And if you have a second chance,

[00:35:59] [SPEAKER_00]: like I will say with the man that I am with, I had a second chance. The first time we were friends,

[00:36:05] [SPEAKER_00]: we started off as friends and I started to get to know him. And I was like, you know, I liked him.

[00:36:12] [SPEAKER_00]: But you know, I was just like, I don't know. And then I accidentally sent him a text message

[00:36:16] [SPEAKER_00]: that he was supposed to get. And it was about him. And I was supposed to send it to my best friend.

[00:36:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And I actually sabotaged that. But because I couldn't get him out of my mind, I couldn't get him

[00:36:28] [SPEAKER_00]: out of my heart. I was like, I need to reach out to him some way somehow. And what happened was

[00:36:34] [SPEAKER_00]: there was something that he told me to do in my house that I did. And I was like, I need a call

[00:36:40] [SPEAKER_00]: and thank him for that. At least, I'll send him a text message to say, thank you for telling

[00:36:43] [SPEAKER_00]: you this, it actually worked. I waited like an additional three weeks. So I didn't speak to him for

[00:36:50] [SPEAKER_00]: two months. And when I texted him, I was very nervous because, you know, and I know you probably

[00:36:56] [SPEAKER_00]: feel this way, especially after being ghosted in everything. We don't like rejections. I don't think

[00:37:00] [SPEAKER_00]: anybody like rejection. So I wasn't sure if he was going to respond back to me or not.

[00:37:04] [SPEAKER_00]: However, what I did was I sent him the text message and then I deleted because I was like,

[00:37:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I just say, out of mind, if he doesn't respond to me, it's okay. It's I don't see the message.

[00:37:14] [SPEAKER_00]: And right when I deleted, he responded and I have to say since that day, we have not been

[00:37:19] [SPEAKER_03]: apart. That's the stuff. I'm glad you had the happy ending, you know, since so.

[00:37:25] [SPEAKER_03]: All right, I still got an happy ending. Yes, you got the happy ending. Ladies and gentlemen,

[00:37:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to manifest that for myself and for everybody else. I know that.

[00:37:36] [SPEAKER_03]: I keep pushing because one thing I know is on social media is there are a lot of

[00:37:42] [SPEAKER_03]: musical single people. And I hear a lot of them on podcasts as well. And I sometimes would think

[00:37:47] [SPEAKER_03]: in the ideologies, I'm like, if you think that way, you're never going to find me, but there's no

[00:37:52] [SPEAKER_00]: way to put up with this shit. Exactly. No, I totally agree with you. I think, you know,

[00:37:59] [SPEAKER_00]: there's a lot of single people out there because I feel like social media is one of the

[00:38:04] [SPEAKER_00]: prime relationship breakers. They're so tempted, you know? And it's like they're willing to

[00:38:11] [SPEAKER_00]: risk it all and not realizing what they have. You know, they always say, you know, the grass,

[00:38:18] [SPEAKER_00]: you know, a lot of people think the grass is greener on the other side. I have two sayings about that.

[00:38:22] [SPEAKER_00]: My first saying, I always say, you think the grass is green on the other side. And so you get

[00:38:26] [SPEAKER_00]: you see a lot of brown patches because far away it looks like it may be green. But as you get closer to

[00:38:31] [SPEAKER_00]: it, you realize there's brown patches there, which means now you have to nurture this side.

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_00]: You have to now pour water on it. You have to put the seeding and make sure that you can get

[00:38:41] [SPEAKER_00]: this grass green. However, if you did it on the side that you was originally on where you was pouring

[00:38:47] [SPEAKER_00]: your water on it, which is basically pouring your love into the woman that you, or the man that you

[00:38:53] [SPEAKER_00]: with, it would have blossomed. It would have blossomed. The grass ain't always green on the other side.

[00:39:01] [SPEAKER_00]: If you take care of your grass where you at right now, which is taking care of the person that you are

[00:39:05] [SPEAKER_00]: with, I can guarantee it will blossom. A woman is a reflection of a man and whatever the man

[00:39:12] [SPEAKER_00]: poisoned to the woman, the woman is able to multiply and pour it right back into him. And then it spreads

[00:39:18] [SPEAKER_00]: out when you have children as well. So if you take care of home home is going to take care of you.

[00:39:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I'll get that. But how do you account for the selfish one out here? That only care about

[00:39:32] [SPEAKER_03]: what a man's wallet like. Oh, because I'm literally watching women complain about doing a

[00:39:39] [SPEAKER_03]: going to a coffee shop or going for walking the park with a man. I see that too. You need to be

[00:39:45] [SPEAKER_03]: my nails because it's like now. Why are you green? Let alone some women with kids,

[00:39:52] [SPEAKER_03]: because that's what someone's never going to be like, hey, my baby's, these two, I'm like.

[00:39:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I, you know what? I'm going to say me and my girls, we, we side with the men on this one.

[00:40:03] [SPEAKER_00]: They have to understand, well, these, these women these days, I don't know what got into them.

[00:40:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Let a man take me on a coffee coffee ride. First of all, you want to get to know the person.

[00:40:19] [SPEAKER_00]: For someone buying you jewelry shoes or whatever the case may be, they could do that for anybody.

[00:40:26] [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean they necessarily care for you or whatever the case may be. And it doesn't really

[00:40:31] [SPEAKER_00]: hold any value. What I want to know is what you have in here and what we can build in the long term.

[00:40:40] [SPEAKER_00]: jewelry shoes all of that is short term, but they have no value to it. There's nothing to

[00:40:45] [SPEAKER_00]: it. What you want to look good. I'm the type of person is that if I can get it for myself,

[00:40:51] [SPEAKER_00]: then he can get it. If I can't get it for myself, I won't let him get it. Unless he wants to get it.

[00:40:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, get something for me. But the women that are out here who are complaining about,

[00:41:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I remember seeing the list of restaurants that they was talking about that they didn't want to go to.

[00:41:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like that too. I said, are you kidding me? Of course the men had their own

[00:41:12] [SPEAKER_00]: list as well, which I thought was hilarious. But the women out here, I'm like,

[00:41:17] [SPEAKER_00]: you're going to starve and yeah, you're going to have a man because I could guarantee most of the

[00:41:22] [SPEAKER_00]: women who claim they can do it, they can't do it. And then of course, they got a broadcast everything

[00:41:29] [SPEAKER_00]: on social media. Like there was one chick, the guy was taking her to a Starbucks. But I thought that

[00:41:36] [SPEAKER_00]: was great because you are getting to know the person. And she was talking about, look how

[00:41:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm dressed. Honey, you wasn't even dressed appropriate to go to any five star restaurant. That's

[00:41:48] [SPEAKER_00]: another thing. We have a lot of women who are as I like to call who has etiquette, which we don't

[00:41:53] [SPEAKER_00]: hear that word often and who are not ladylike. They don't even carry themselves as ladies.

[00:42:00] [SPEAKER_00]: They just want to carry themselves as, well, what can he do for me? Honey, what can you do for him?

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER_03]: It has to go with that. You listen, those are my same thoughts and guess why I will have a lot of

[00:42:15] [SPEAKER_03]: women saying, oh, you're just as aggressive. You're this, you're that everything but the child

[00:42:20] [SPEAKER_03]: of Christ. But I'm like, hey, y'all y'all all say that to me, you don't like. But I hear to you,

[00:42:28] [SPEAKER_03]: then maybe you know that, is it the one for you? Get to your do all those things and wherever you

[00:42:33] [SPEAKER_00]: take shoot, you won't even care. Yeah, exactly. And also I feel like the reason why a lot of

[00:42:39] [SPEAKER_00]: these women are doing things is for the likes we all know that. They post something up on social

[00:42:44] [SPEAKER_00]: media, they get all these likes, they get all this recognition. That's what it really comes from.

[00:42:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And the thing is that if you don't start setting values within yourself while you are in your

[00:42:55] [SPEAKER_00]: 20s, going into your 30s, you will not have a man that is going to want you. Most men and you

[00:43:01] [SPEAKER_00]: could correct me if I'm wrong. They prefer for the natural women. They prefer for a lady like

[00:43:08] [SPEAKER_00]: they prefer for a woman to be so off. Not loud, not ratchet, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not,

[00:43:15] [SPEAKER_00]: not all of this stuff. I mean, I could be wrong. But you know, I feel that that's what most men are

[00:43:22] [SPEAKER_00]: looking for because at the end of the day, the women who are out there, you know, who wants to

[00:43:26] [SPEAKER_00]: man, you know, wants to man a violence and do this for them. They're using them as trophies

[00:43:30] [SPEAKER_00]: it's just to show off. But at the end of the day, they're not even thinking about taking you

[00:43:36] [SPEAKER_00]: to meet their mom. They got so many Jane person on the side who is very low key, who is the

[00:43:43] [SPEAKER_00]: lady who is there to support love and, you know, be there to take care of him and that is who

[00:43:49] [SPEAKER_03]: he's bringing to his mom. That's true, that is so true. However, there are someone in this like,

[00:43:56] [SPEAKER_03]: you know, the loud ones, they know how to confirm. They know how to not stay in that manner

[00:44:01] [SPEAKER_03]: that loud press, and it's if they find the right man. Remains to be seen. And this way.

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, don't give me going, I'm loud in my own way, but I am from New York. I am from Brooklyn

[00:44:16] [SPEAKER_00]: and I also know, but I know how to conduct myself as well. I know how I am when I

[00:44:21] [SPEAKER_00]: went my man. I know how I am when I'm with my girls is not too much of a difference. You know,

[00:44:28] [SPEAKER_00]: it's, it's, um, how can I say? I'm not, I'm not going to say like I'm the same exact person,

[00:44:34] [SPEAKER_00]: but my behavior is exactly the same no matter where I go, whether I'm in a professional setting or

[00:44:40] [SPEAKER_00]: person who's setting is exactly the same. That's what's up. And that's what we need. That's

[00:44:46] [SPEAKER_03]: any more of people that just beat themselves, no man, no matter what they know. And also they need

[00:44:53] [SPEAKER_03]: to know how to be like, come in, they know how to blend into it. It's like, they need also people

[00:44:57] [SPEAKER_03]: know how to read the room. It's like, oh my god, we're always talking about that. Yes,

[00:45:02] [SPEAKER_03]: we need to know how to do that. You know what I said? That's something that is where it's okay

[00:45:06] [SPEAKER_03]: to be loud and sound, be fresh. But then there are some settings where you need to tone it down a little

[00:45:11] [SPEAKER_00]: it. So you have to get out of the room. I say that all the time and we always have like that one

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_00]: friend, and I just be like, oh my gosh, like can you please not? It's almost like, if you know

[00:45:25] [SPEAKER_00]: if you have children and you be like listen, when we go to the store, don't try to touch nothing,

[00:45:29] [SPEAKER_00]: don't ask me for nothing to do that. And it's like you got to do that with that one friend. Like

[00:45:32] [SPEAKER_00]: listen, we go about to go out here. Don't be too much. So we get in loud because nobody out, you know,

[00:45:39] [SPEAKER_00]: loving yourself. And it's sad that we gotta do it. We do that. That's so true. We always got to do that.

[00:45:46] [SPEAKER_03]: Also, especially when we hang around people that we have a hung ground for the first time, you know,

[00:45:52] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm looking at some friends. I'm looking at one of my friends like, you've got to calm down.

[00:45:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Don't be trying to hit on nobody else. Because the first time because this is first time

[00:46:03] [SPEAKER_03]: I've wanted to say myself. So he's hard to be respectful and I'll go from there.

[00:46:09] [SPEAKER_00]: As I mentioned before, Victor, that is core etiquette. And we just not there anymore. Unfortunately,

[00:46:17] [SPEAKER_00]: or even the morals of respecting people, your surroundings, it's just not there anymore.

[00:46:24] [SPEAKER_03]: Unfortunately. You know, really, it really has to have a side of the thinking and the side of the

[00:46:29] [SPEAKER_03]: side of the thinking. Because it's crazy, like even if you go out west, nobody, no matter where

[00:46:36] [SPEAKER_03]: you go, people, their manners and the etiquette is just I don't know what is.

[00:46:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I totally agree, but I feel like that might be the adult for you know, because we have

[00:46:50] [SPEAKER_00]: traditions that can pass down. You know, I teach my kids to address people by Mr. or Mrs.

[00:46:56] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, because you're not equal to an adult. So if you see someone that is Mr. Sucha,

[00:47:01] [SPEAKER_00]: that's Mr. Sucha and such. And you know, the teachings do start at home. You know,

[00:47:07] [SPEAKER_00]: the respects start at home. So my kids know, if I hit them close to my body by the

[00:47:12] [SPEAKER_00]: first thing, might be like, who is that? Who is that again? They catch themselves. And I'm like,

[00:47:18] [SPEAKER_00]: don't let that happen again. And I have boys. I got three boys. So I got to be a little tough

[00:47:24] [SPEAKER_00]: but it's also, you know, I tell them all the time it's just a sign of respect. Because when

[00:47:28] [SPEAKER_00]: you get older, you're going to want someone to respect you as well. I said, I said, always remember

[00:47:32] [SPEAKER_00]: that you're going to want somebody to respect you because if you just respect them, call my

[00:47:38] [SPEAKER_00]: does come back. It comes back one way or another. Yes, it does. And I'm a glad to say,

[00:47:45] [SPEAKER_03]: come, because I need people to realize the hey, come with us, come back, based on how you treat people.

[00:47:50] [SPEAKER_00]: So, and so on. And Victor just saw you know, comma also it may not come back to that person,

[00:47:57] [SPEAKER_00]: but it can also it could come back to their children. So people got to understand that it can jump

[00:48:03] [SPEAKER_03]: as well. You know what speaking of which my sister's going to greet me with me as

[00:48:10] [SPEAKER_03]: but look my dad because I really think sometimes me and me and my little sister to work along with

[00:48:15] [SPEAKER_03]: some of the who pamphlets come because this man was just a whole and streets he was just

[00:48:19] [SPEAKER_03]: mum and street was a woman's girl with that. He was the rolling stone in hell.

[00:48:27] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, well, I'm not paying for some of my mom's shit too, you know what I'm saying?

[00:48:32] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, you're looking at your little man in a man's poor thing. I'm like, you love a

[00:48:44] [SPEAKER_03]: man. Because you never took the accountability and even if I were to run some say,

[00:48:50] [SPEAKER_03]: have you bitching about what people did to him? What the fuck do you get to be for?

[00:48:57] [SPEAKER_00]: People are nuts. And they don't understand. So that's why I said you got to be careful with

[00:49:03] [SPEAKER_00]: comma and how you treat people because it sometimes it may not come back to you, but it can

[00:49:08] [SPEAKER_00]: come to your offspring. So you just got very, very careful with that. So and I always speak to my

[00:49:14] [SPEAKER_00]: children about that all the time. I'm like, listen, you can't be like this to this one. I always

[00:49:20] [SPEAKER_00]: tell them I said, you know, I said, do you love mommy and they're like, yes, and I said, well,

[00:49:24] [SPEAKER_00]: that is how you have to treat a woman. I was like, you know, even so I would say, you know,

[00:49:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, mommy is soft, you know, I'm girly. My oldest son who is 17, he oh, he had, oh God,

[00:49:36] [SPEAKER_00]: he's in the phase of going girl crazy and stuff like that. And he was like, he always had me meeting,

[00:49:43] [SPEAKER_00]: you know, some of the girls that he's just talking to. You know, he'd like mom, this is such

[00:49:47] [SPEAKER_00]: as such a such a such an average like, hey, are you doing what not? And he was always afraid

[00:49:55] [SPEAKER_00]: through bring a girl to me because he was like, mom, you know, you're this way and they may not

[00:50:01] [SPEAKER_00]: be like that. And I was like, but that's not us that I don't got to deal with her, you do.

[00:50:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, but you want to know what type of woman you want because you have a mother who is a

[00:50:12] [SPEAKER_00]: away and you may want her to be that way. You know, sons look at their moms for the type of woman they

[00:50:18] [SPEAKER_00]: get. Doors look at their dad for the type of man that they want in their lives.

[00:50:25] [SPEAKER_03]: That's true. That is true. And also my advice to be them be like, you can't bring everybody home

[00:50:31] [SPEAKER_03]: and also the one thing I would tell women with sons like, you can't do everything for these women.

[00:50:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Unless it's a woman that shows you that energy that's showing you some of the things to

[00:50:42] [SPEAKER_03]: qualities that I I tell you about because this is something my mom may have felt with me like,

[00:50:47] [SPEAKER_03]: you may have told me everything one of them may not want out of a man, but you never told me as a man,

[00:50:52] [SPEAKER_03]: what do I need to look at in a woman? You got to do that. Because there are some very toxic

[00:50:56] [SPEAKER_00]: women out here. Absolutely. And let me tell you, I talked to my sons about it.

[00:51:02] [SPEAKER_00]: How I do it is when it comes to my old, especially my oldest son because my two young children

[00:51:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I have a 12 year old and a 7 year old, 7 and a half year old. So they're still small, but my

[00:51:17] [SPEAKER_00]: 17 year old, I talked to him in two different forms. I talked to him in a mother form and then I also

[00:51:32] [SPEAKER_00]: thought, what you should be looking for. I even tell him, I was like, go, if you go in her closet,

[00:51:37] [SPEAKER_00]: you know, her bathroom closet or a medicine cabinet, she don't got no sewing even me as she

[00:51:43] [SPEAKER_00]: dirty. I guess it's all the more of that. I said, you know, she got to be clean and whatever the

[00:51:48] [SPEAKER_00]: case may be. And then, you know, and then I would talk to him as a check out industry.

[00:51:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you screw me over, this is what can happen to you. If I catch you doing this,

[00:51:58] [SPEAKER_00]: this is what can happen to you. So I come at them in two different angles so they can understand

[00:52:05] [SPEAKER_00]: how it is in the house and then how it is in the street when dealing with women.

[00:52:12] [SPEAKER_03]: That's how it should be, and also for many other do the same thing which daughter because

[00:52:16] [SPEAKER_03]: some of these men out here, you know, say, you guys set the bar high because, hey,

[00:52:20] [SPEAKER_03]: you know, if they're being playing hard to get no, they ain't no playing hard to get. It's they

[00:52:23] [SPEAKER_03]: had a father that was there and he instilled things in that daughter. And so some things you

[00:52:28] [SPEAKER_00]: need to be looking for. Exactly. And I was, I'm one who was raised by my dad. So my mom, she had

[00:52:35] [SPEAKER_00]: deceased when I was much younger. So I was raised by my dad and I, he is still a lot of things

[00:52:40] [SPEAKER_00]: in me that I so carry to this day that I also implement as to my boys as well. So it's

[00:52:47] [SPEAKER_00]: to have dads around. I will say that much definitely important. Yes, I need you to tell

[00:52:54] [SPEAKER_03]: that because this is a work, one that's been divorced twice in telling people that

[00:52:58] [SPEAKER_03]: dad's need to be around not trying to get the child support check, you know, because of what

[00:53:03] [SPEAKER_00]: and and I will say this, I do not receive child support because I have been blessed that both

[00:53:08] [SPEAKER_00]: dads take very good care of out children. So there was no need for me to get any child support.

[00:53:15] [SPEAKER_00]: If I need something, they'll give it will least my last, my ex husband. He he'll give it to me

[00:53:21] [SPEAKER_00]: because he knows it has to do with the kids. But other than that, I don't ask for anything and

[00:53:27] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't get child support. There's no need for it. Now that's how it should be as long as the man

[00:53:34] [SPEAKER_00]: is doing what he needs to do and the one needs to do. He needs it a lot easier for me. So no,

[00:53:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I you know and I remember I had friends who was like, oh, you should take a child support,

[00:53:48] [SPEAKER_00]: take a take a take a take a take a take. And I was like, I don't need to. I don't need to. I said,

[00:53:54] [SPEAKER_00]: my concern is our boys and he does everything he needs to do to take care of our boys. So no,

[00:54:01] [SPEAKER_03]: no need for it. Dad was that was some ladies that John Modes is looking to have shot it, but that's

[00:54:07] [SPEAKER_03]: just point right now. So I have to ask for a child support. I have to clarify, I have a radio.

[00:54:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Hope you all enjoying this. I've grown folks conversation. What would you start to look

[00:54:16] [SPEAKER_03]: over whatever you want to have? So something now, this last thing we'll talk about, um,

[00:54:22] [SPEAKER_03]: do you like is marriage really worth it nowadays for anybody knowing what the club

[00:54:26] [SPEAKER_03]: is in 2023? So, 2020 for now going into 2025 is marriage really worth it. It's really worth it

[00:54:34] [SPEAKER_00]: to settle down with someone. That is a great question. I'm not even sure if I actually have

[00:54:43] [SPEAKER_00]: an answer for that, um, but I will say this. There are a lot of successful marriages out there.

[00:54:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I am surrounded by successful marriages. I just wasn't one of them and I'm okay with that.

[00:54:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And I do believe that marriage, there is a benefit to be a married. I look at a household being

[00:55:07] [SPEAKER_00]: full, being home as one. I was blessed to grow with both my parents, my parents were married

[00:55:13] [SPEAKER_00]: and they were actually the first two get married and I was the first in my generation to actually

[00:55:19] [SPEAKER_00]: get married. And um, you know, I looked at how my parents were and I wanted to emulate that

[00:55:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I got older than when I got married. Um, and like I said they were married until death get them up

[00:55:34] [SPEAKER_00]: for it because my mom had passed away. And then you know, and I was like okay,

[00:55:38] [SPEAKER_00]: do her my first marriage, I was like I didn't want to get divorced. But it was necessary. I needed

[00:55:42] [SPEAKER_00]: to get divorced, same thing with my second marriage. But I do have friends who are in successful

[00:55:49] [SPEAKER_00]: marriages, who are in 10 plus years of marriage. And um, and I have them around my age where they

[00:55:56] [SPEAKER_00]: also got married young and they are knocking on I think like 20, between 20 to 24 years.

[00:56:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's the marriage. And there in there, I'll be 44 this year. So they are we all the same age.

[00:56:12] [SPEAKER_00]: So there is um, there's a benefit so with I do believe that it is worth being married.

[00:56:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Um, it just so really depends on the people who get married. And the key to it is just

[00:56:32] [SPEAKER_00]: not allowing people to infiltrate your marriage. Um, not running to everyone to talk about your

[00:56:40] [SPEAKER_00]: business, to everyone. You know, if you have a problem with your husband, you have a problem with your

[00:56:45] [SPEAKER_00]: wife, that is who you should sit down and have the conversation with. Because what happened is

[00:56:52] [SPEAKER_00]: that one marriage has a rough spot. All marriages are going to be adventurous and then you're

[00:56:58] [SPEAKER_00]: going to have times when it's boring. You're going to have times where you're going to want to

[00:57:02] [SPEAKER_00]: want to be separated into separate rooms where you want to have your individual selves,

[00:57:07] [SPEAKER_00]: you know, doing your own thing. There are times where you know you're going to be like

[00:57:13] [SPEAKER_00]: this is what it cracked up to be, you know, um, marriages what you make it. And if you want to talk

[00:57:22] [SPEAKER_00]: then it will work. If you wanted to be successful, it will be successful. When you talk to older

[00:57:28] [SPEAKER_00]: people who have been married, married for over 50, 60 years, they will say they had had their moments.

[00:57:36] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't easy for them either. People don't understand that when you get married, you have to

[00:57:40] [SPEAKER_00]: work at it is not all the glitz and glam because that's what that's why I feel like a lot of people

[00:57:47] [SPEAKER_00]: and that's the reason why I've divorced rates are so high because they look at the glitz and

[00:57:52] [SPEAKER_00]: glam. They look at the fact that they can have a big wedding. They have a wedding dress. You

[00:57:55] [SPEAKER_00]: have a touch and you know, you have bridesmaids and glooms and you have this big old wedding. And

[00:58:01] [SPEAKER_00]: they forget that after all of that it is now just the tool of you. And now how are you going to

[00:58:08] [SPEAKER_00]: put your best foot forward to make this marriage work? How are you going to support each other?

[00:58:14] [SPEAKER_00]: How are you going to elevate and motivate? This is going to be a time where you may have one

[00:58:18] [SPEAKER_00]: person who may lose a job. And the other person is going to have to step up. You know, let's say

[00:58:23] [SPEAKER_00]: if the husband loses job is the wife going to be upset. She's going to step up to the plate

[00:58:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and support her husband and take care of the household until he gets back on his feet.

[00:58:35] [SPEAKER_00]: These are things that they have to have conversations about. These are things that people should

[00:58:39] [SPEAKER_00]: think about because these are realistic things that happen in marriages. You know, you got to be able

[00:58:47] [SPEAKER_00]: to support each other when the times are really tough and when they are low. And sometimes you may not

[00:58:53] [SPEAKER_00]: be able to see a way out but you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's like

[00:58:59] [SPEAKER_00]: you just have to see how long it's going to take for you guys to get there but you got to do it

[00:59:02] [SPEAKER_00]: together. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be sometimes somebody going to cry. There may be

[00:59:07] [SPEAKER_00]: someone who's going to argue. But if you just stick it out together, it can work and it can be

[00:59:14] [SPEAKER_03]: successful. Yes, that is well said. Well put, well put, it definitely is worth it especially

[00:59:22] [SPEAKER_03]: if people will not put the in the work and willing to communicate because and also you got to take

[00:59:27] [SPEAKER_03]: the good sounds with bad times. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because there are

[00:59:33] [SPEAKER_03]: people that and also nothing you got to give people grace. Some of them because people are going

[00:59:37] [SPEAKER_03]: to mess up. It's about growth and a lot of times that's why the voice is going to be so high

[00:59:42] [SPEAKER_03]: because it's good. People out here they all have, as soon as this person mess up they out in

[00:59:48] [SPEAKER_00]: streets trying to treat us more. Yes, you know what I'm saying it's crazy. It is. People don't want

[00:59:55] [SPEAKER_00]: to work. They just feel like you know when they get married they aren't such a high. And it lasts

[01:00:02] [SPEAKER_00]: a little bit until it doesn't and then it's like, oh my gosh. This is I don't want to do this.

[01:00:09] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's important that I will say this. I remember I had a pastor who used to say husband's

[01:00:17] [SPEAKER_00]: continued to date your wife. And the wife just as much you continue to support your husband.

[01:00:25] [SPEAKER_00]: You it takes two people to keep that file lit to keep it going. And as long as there's

[01:00:31] [SPEAKER_00]: that I mean love does conquer all but you know sometimes love can't complete it all. But

[01:00:38] [SPEAKER_00]: it can get you through certain things. And as long as you have two people on the same page and

[01:00:45] [SPEAKER_00]: they're willing to do what it takes to make it work, y'all can go as far as as many of this can go.

[01:00:54] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's how I was. Yeah, that's a true. That's I think more of you saw like that.

[01:00:58] [SPEAKER_00]: How you left less divorces wrong here. I agree. I totally agree. Like I said, I think a lot of people

[01:01:05] [SPEAKER_00]: just get married because of the glitz and the glam and they don't realize the work that comes

[01:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: afterwards. And it's not like you got to work extremely hard. It's just that as both parties get older

[01:01:17] [SPEAKER_00]: different perspectives come in mind. You just have to make sure that just stay aligned. It's okay

[01:01:24] [SPEAKER_00]: to disagree. To agree, it's okay. It's okay to argue. A lot of people always say you know

[01:01:33] [SPEAKER_00]: not to not to go to bed mad. I say go to bed mad but wake up is still say good morning.

[01:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: As long as you still there next to me, I you know, it's I don't care. Me and

[01:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Mahani money. We had our first low up not too long ago and I was human and it was funny because

[01:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: he didn't text me and I texted him but I texted him something and next thing I know he called

[01:02:00] [SPEAKER_00]: me on the phone and he at the door and I was upset. I was really upset with him, but he apologized

[01:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: and he listened. The one thing I will say he listens. He listens to my part. I also listen to him as well

[01:02:16] [SPEAKER_00]: and he knew I was mad but he ended up dragging my leg. Massage in my feet and I just said

[01:02:23] [SPEAKER_00]: there I laid there and I went to sleep right next to him because we got all this if anything even

[01:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: though I was upset, he still needed to be right by my side regardless and people who have to

[01:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: understand that you know don't separate from someone because they make you upset or you feel like

[01:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: you got to run to another man or another woman arm. It's okay to be upset with your mate.

[01:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: It's healthy actually because you get to know each other and learn more about one another and it's

[01:02:52] [SPEAKER_00]: okay but like I told him I said I don't care if you mad I'm mad we've gone sleeping as bad

[01:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: together. I don't care and I'm still going to throw a leg or touch you or whatever way so I can go to sleep

[01:03:07] [SPEAKER_03]: period. That's what's um I'm glad that I had before you know I sound glad you're

[01:03:12] [SPEAKER_03]: I worked it out. More people need to be like that. Our success towards that here ladies and

[01:03:17] [SPEAKER_03]: gentlemen don't let social media tell you differently because let social media tell it there are

[01:03:22] [SPEAKER_03]: people out here in bad and toxic situations. You just got ignored those people on social media.

[01:03:28] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean get your excitement but just keep it as an excitement. Exactly because that's all

[01:03:33] [SPEAKER_03]: it is it's just entertainment. Yes that's true so what do you got in store for the people for

[01:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: the second season of your podcast? All right so for the second season of my podcast we are really

[01:03:47] [SPEAKER_00]: doing like something cool like the battle of the sexists where we are going to get men perspective

[01:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: and women perspective on same topics because we realize that women and men of course we are different

[01:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: we don't think the same way but I felt like doing the this season this way so that there could be

[01:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: more of a understanding and I feel like women need to understand men's but also women need to

[01:04:13] [SPEAKER_00]: listen as well. We've ten not to listen you know and what we do is we listen to respond

[01:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: over here to response you know instead of really taking in what the man is actually saying

[01:04:28] [SPEAKER_00]: so I'm planning on doing that as well as talking to a successful marriage is because that was

[01:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: definitely feedback that I received because like I said I have more people that I know that are in

[01:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: successful marriages than are in blended families or you know or even single and talking about other

[01:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: how can I say it in a nice way like harsh communication that things that happen in homes

[01:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: like different types of abuse that happen in the homes that are not spoken about you know that

[01:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: happens with in blended families but also in as we call original families as well. So this season

[01:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: there's a lot that's going to be going on and I am so looking forward to it all. I really am

[01:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: looking forward to it and you know once again being relatable because it is and I love to get the feedback

[01:05:25] [SPEAKER_00]: back from the people when they say you know what Lorraine I've gone through that this was my situation

[01:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: you know and I didn't have an end result to it so I'm always glad that I'm always able to give a

[01:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: solution to some of the problems that we all face on a daily basis. That's for stuff now lastly why

[01:05:44] [SPEAKER_03]: people need to subscribe and tap in with a blended family podcast because it's real talk there is

[01:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: nothing scripted except for my bullet points. I'll be honest I bullet everything that I need to

[01:05:59] [SPEAKER_00]: talk about but it's real situations I literally put my experience out on the line and um I also

[01:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: like I said I have my girls we talk about it sometime they okay with me expressing something to

[01:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: talk about some of the things that they go on through without mentioned in names and I'll put it out

[01:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: there and it's just real life situations and conversations that we just don't talk about you know like

[01:06:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I said most of the platforms that we have out there is like who's bringing what to the table

[01:06:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm kind of getting over that type of conversations now because everybody should know what their

[01:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: work is and what they are looking for in the partner now that you have the partner how do you plan

[01:06:41] [SPEAKER_00]: on keeping it how do you plan on expanding how do you plan on blending you know what are the

[01:06:47] [SPEAKER_00]: solutions that you are going with the one of the issues you go on through what what was the end result

[01:06:51] [SPEAKER_00]: to these things so blended family is as real as it comes there is nothing scripted about blended

[01:07:00] [SPEAKER_03]: family. That's the stuff um I want to thank you for taking time to bless and the look it's

[01:07:11] [SPEAKER_03]: might be inflatable remember I've just called or DM away so whenever you want to make it happen

[01:07:17] [SPEAKER_00]: let me know and I'm there absolutely and also if you ever need me to come back on here for

[01:07:22] [SPEAKER_03]: whatever I am your girl here I appreciate it I definitely appreciate it and I appreciate you the

[01:07:29] [SPEAKER_03]: listeners whether the list is on a podcast Spotify I heart radio where you listen on YouTube what's

[01:07:35] [SPEAKER_03]: which tell us what you think what do you think about the horse what do you think about the

[01:07:40] [SPEAKER_03]: situation what do you think about the um bringing in people on relationships and what you think about

[01:07:46] [SPEAKER_03]: images talk to me and also if you got some professions you're gonna need a safe space

[01:07:50] [SPEAKER_03]: highlight your boy this is my little look at our podcast this has been grown folks conversations

[01:07:56] [SPEAKER_03]: with some looker I tell the next episode we have this thing all good night