MIDNIGHT REFLECTION: The Cost of the Comment: Why We Troll and Why It Hurts

Dr. Carmela Maxell: Today's episode starts with a question. Have you ever posted something online that you were genuinely excited about? Maybe it was a picture. Maybe it was a business you started. Maybe it was a promotion, a piece of art, a book, or just a thought you wanted to share. You're really proud of what you put out and also know the theoretical risk of scrutiny, but you hope for better. And then someone you've never met decided to tell you exactly why you were terrible. Maybe they call you names. Maybe they mocked you. Maybe they question your intelligence, your appearance, your motives. Your qualifications, if your hair is real. And you just sat there wondering, what on earth made someone wake up today and choose me? If you've ever experienced that, you're certainly not alone. Today I don't really want to talk about trolls. I want to talk about why they exist. Because once we understand the psychology behind it, their words often lose much of the power we give them. Welcome back to Rooted in Rising. I'm Dr. Carmela Maxwell. So why do people troll? Let's start with something important. Not everyone who disagrees with you is a troll. Healthy disagreement is normal. Constructive criticism is valuable. Sometimes people point out things we genuinely need to hear. That's not what I'm talking about today. A troll isn't trying to improve you. A troll is trying to provoke you. Their goal isn't conversation. Their goal is reaction. And psychologically, that's a very different motivation. Their words and actions are divisive and stinging. They penetrate the very depths of some of our own insecurities, stated values, and beliefs. It doesn't mean that they what they say is true. Rather, their words and actions challenge us to defend. Our very existence. The internet changes people. Have you ever noticed that people say things online they would never say standing in line at the grocery store? Or maybe they would nowadays. Why? Because technology changes behavior. When we're sitting behind a screen, we don't see facial expressions. We don't hear someone's voice crack. We don't witness the emotional impact of our words. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as the online disinhibition effect. When people feel anonymous or emotionally distant from others, they often become more impulsive, more aggressive, and less restrained than they would be face to face. It's much easier to attack a profile picture than a person. Distance can reduce empathy. Another fascinating concept in psychology is something called projection. Projection happens when people experience uncomfortable emotions within themselves and unconsciously place those feelings onto someone else. Let's say someone feels unsuccessful. Watching another person's success may create discomfort. Instead of asking themselves, why does this bother me? It's often easier to say, They're not that talented anyway. Or maybe someone feels invisible. Creating conflict suddenly gives them attention. Even negative attention feels better than feeling ignored. Sometimes the comment has very little to do with you, and almost everything to do with what that other person is carrying. Envy isn't always obvious. We often imagine envy as someone saying, I wish I had that. But envy rarely sounds like admiration. More often, it sounds like criticism. Sometimes it's easier for people to convince themselves that your success isn't deserved than it is to confront the uncomfortable feeling that they want something similar for themselves. That doesn't make the behavior okay, but it does make it understandable. And understanding behavior doesn't excuse it, it simply helps us stop personalizing it. Our brains take negativity seriously. Here's where things get tricky. Our brains aren't wired to remember the hundred kind comments. They're wired to remember the one cruel one. This is what's called the negativity bias. From an evolutionary perspective, paying attention to threats helped our ancestors survive. The problem is Your brain doesn't always distinguish between a tiger and a rude comment from someone you'll never meet. One negative remark can stick with us all day. Meanwhile, fifty compliments barely register. So if you've ever wondered why one nasty comment seemed louder than all the supportive ones, your brain is simply doing what brains evolved to do. Here's something that surprised me when I first learned it. The more visible you become, the more opinions people have about you. Authors experience it, podcasters experience it, musicians, teachers, athletes, even people posting pictures of their gardens somehow experience it. Visibility invites feedback, both good and bad. Sometimes criticism isn't evident that you're doing something wrong. Sometimes it's evidence that people are actually paying attention. So what do we do? First, learn to distinguish between criticism and trolling. Ask yourself, is this trying to help me or is this trying to hurt me? Those deserve completely different responses. Second, don't hand strangers the keys to your self-worth. People who know nothing about your journey cannot accurately define your value. Third, remember that not every invitation deserves an RSVP. Every comment is an invitation. Some invite thoughtful discussion. Others invite chaos. You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. Silence is sometimes the healthiest boundary you can set. Before we finish today, I want to leave you with one thought. People often say, don't take it personally. I know, I know. Easier said than done. But perhaps we can reframe it. Instead of asking, why are they saying this about me? Try asking, what might this behavior be saying about them? Not because we're trying to judge them, but because understanding human behavior helps us stop carrying burdens that were never ours to begin with. The internet gives us a microphone. It doesn't make everyone an expert. So keep creating, keep writing, keep sharing, keep building. Because the world needs more. People willing to contribute and people willing to criticize from the sidelines. Thank you so much for spending a little time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who might need the reminder. Until next time, keep growing, keep questioning, and as always, stay rooted in who you are and keep rising into who you're becoming.