Creating Your Own Seat At the Table: Entrepeneurship, Purpose, And the Power of Representation

speaker-0: Welcome everyone to another episode of Rooted in Rising. I'm Dr. Carmela Maxwell, and this is the place where we have conversations that challenge us to think differently, live intentionally, and grow through what life places in front of us. Today we're talking about something so many people have experienced: being overlooked, underestimated, or waiting for someone else to give them permission to succeed. My guest today, and I'm so excited to have him, is one of my amazing longtime friends, Dr. Melvin King, a transformational ⁓ friend raising strategist, executive leadership champion, and someone who has spent years helping organizations and leaders build meaningful relationships that create lasting impact. Dr. King, my friend, welcome to Rooted and Rising. speaker-1: Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. Thank you for the introduction. ⁓ you put a little sauce on it and I appreciate that. But I I'm grateful to be here and excited to have this conversation. speaker-0: Absolutely. You know what? ⁓ and and the introduction, folks, it it absolutely just does not do this man justice. You are just a pioneer. You are a game changer. And I can't wait to to chat with you today and get let our audience get to know you a bit better. ⁓ but let me start. Tell us a little bit about your journey and what first inspired your work in leadership and in relationship building. speaker-1: Man, to to say that I would be where I am today if I were to talk to my nine year old self wouldn't be this conversation. I had the expectation that I'm going to medical school, I'm going to be a cardiac surgeon, I'm going to have The two and a half kids with a house and a white picket fence and all those wonderful things, right? ⁓ but life doesn't pan out the way you normally no plan to, right? ⁓ so you know, my journey started off in Pennsylvania. That's where I'm from. ⁓ born in Philadelphia, raised outside of Pittsburgh, ⁓ during the eighties, ⁓ there was a lot of ⁓ civil unrest. And in eighty-five there was a bombing of a row home that housed nothing but black people, obviously Philadelphia being a a black city. And right that was right around the time my parents got married and they came to the conclusion that yeah, they don't want to raise children in that environment. So by about ninety, by nineteen ninety, they moved from speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: my mother's side of the state, which is Philadelphia, to my father's side of the state, which is Pennsylvania. ⁓ Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Mm-hmm. And I grew up outside of Pittsburgh. ⁓ really small town. Close. East coast all day, right? Born and raised. Yeah. speaker-0: Really small. Yes, yes. I'm you know, miss missing home. And you're so you're now in in Las Vegas. speaker-1: Yes. Yes, I am in Las Vegas. It was a long journey to get here. But yeah, I I credit ⁓ a great friend of mine. ⁓ he's a current ⁓ state assemblyman. and he convinced me that he's like Vegas is on a precipice of a lot of growth and expansion and opportunity. And if you're interested in making impact in community where you can really see your impact, make the boot. Come to Vegas. speaker-0: Yeah. Mm-hmm. I love this. I love this. I love this for us. I love how we both, you know, we started on the East Coast and now we're over here in the West. How Kismet, don't mind my cat. She likes to make appearance. ⁓ man. Well, so you know, such a like that's such a a a rich beginning and your parents doing ⁓ doing that service of, you know, we we gotta get our children out of this this space and and and provide them with the opportunity to thrive. speaker-1: Exactly. speaker-0: And you know, just I just want to ⁓ clap for for mom and dad for for what they have done and then what you continue to carry on, because I can't wait for for folks to hear about this. your title includes friend raising strategist. ⁓ and that's a term that many listeners may not know. What does that mean? What is a f what is friend raising? speaker-1: Yes. Yes. So when you're a a leader of an organization, ⁓ it's all about the relationships that you build. speaker-0: ⁓ huh. speaker-1: I often say the the ⁓ the most impactful currency isn't the dollar bill. It's your network, your relationships that you build. ⁓ absolutely. And and that's what I believe in. I believe in building authentic relationships, relationships that are impactful, relationships that are collaborative, synergistic. And so my goal as an a a leader is to not only build those relationships, but then also connect people. I'm often known as a connector in my spaces because either I know somebody or know somebody who knows somebody who can get the information that you need. And that's because of the network that I developed and I nurtured and stewarded to to an extent. and that friend raising peace is exactly what it is. It's identifying people who can aid you in your mission and your why. And helping you achieve whatever that goal is. And then in center in inversely, you being an asset to that individual and helping them achieve that goal, always focusing through the lens of synergy and collaboration, equity, ⁓ grace and gratitude. speaker-0: Yeah. You know, I'm I'm gonna dive away from my script for a second because you said a a few things that sort of hit me. ⁓ but networking, connection. And you know, I'm a mental health professional, and so I'm all about the connection and and how we build trust and relationships. ⁓ I'm curious as to your thoughts about something. We live in the digital era where we are so connected. Or we have that opportunity to be connected and yet people still are isolating. What do you think that's about and how does that impact people's ability to network? It just in in your thoughts. Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah, no, I mean that's that's so powerful because when you notice the trends of social interaction, social interaction has always been on the uptick, especially after the ⁓ World War Two, when Americans began to discover for the first time disposable income. Yeah. Exactly. Consumerism and and that that's when we started seeing peak capitalism, right? speaker-0: Yep. Consumerism. speaker-1: And peak capitalism looks like constant consumption of a product. And we saw that pivot happen in around two thousand and nine. Mm-hmm. And there's a documentary on Netflix that it talks about this where the like button became the most addictive toxic piece of social media that existed up to that point. Yeah. And because of that, we no longer seek connection because social media give us this false sense of interrelational ⁓ experiences. And so I can scroll through your social media and see, ⁓ wow, they went on a trip here. ⁓ wow, they did this and ⁓ wow, they did that. But I'm not picking up the phone and asking you. How was that experience? I'm not meeting you for coffee and you're telling me about the little cafe that you ran into in old Ten Juan in Puerto Rico. Right? We're not having those shared experiences anymore because we believe that social media has created this superficial connection. And because of that superficial connection, we're constantly chasing that dopamine hit of likes. speaker-0: ajá speaker-1: And comments and everything else. So it's unfortunate we've been conditioned to embrace this, but I believe that the generation that's coming up, this Gen Z, ⁓ Gen Alf, starting to the first time in history, they're the first generation who is considered less intelligent than the generation before. And that's because of the impact of social media. speaker-0: I'm worried. Yeah. ⁓ speaker-1: the impact of generative AI, Google, all these resources that they don't have to do the work. They can just simply type a question or search something up and then they get the answer. Yeah. There's there's no generative thinking moving forward. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I think ⁓ this is ⁓ like our generation, right? And and shout out to all the millennials. I just want throw that out there. Millennial millennial magic, okay. ⁓ I I I have a lot to say about us. I'm quite proud of our generation. Yes. ⁓ but you know, I think we utilize or try to utilize technology in a manner that ⁓ you know, to make our lives easier. ⁓ not necessarily to take away the creative process. I know there's a lot of stuff on social media right now against generative AI and you know, against the use of certain apps and stuff. And, you know, I I sort of sit on the sidelines and I'm like, let me let y'all hash this one out. Because I I personally believe AI, when utilized appropriately and when it's not misused, can be extremely helpful. Right. speaker-1: Absolutely. speaker-0: But I think, you know, to your point, when we talk about Gen Z and Gen Alpha and ⁓ the utilization of these tools and taking the think work out of it, think taking that creative process, think taking the labor of it, ⁓ as we talk about networking and and entrepreneurship and all of that today. ⁓ I I worry that we're heading in a direction. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Where creativity and networking is going to be stunted. ⁓ because I'll tell you that, you know, for as a mental health professional, the like button, you said it, it's it it can be really toxic, right? People are assigning value to the number of likes that people have. ⁓ that doesn't necessarily from a marketing perspective, it doesn't necessarily generate leads, it doesn't necessarily generate follows or sales. And so people they scroll and they post in hopes for that follow to follow or for that like. And that's I think that may be a type of networking, but that I don't think that's where we're, you know, where we get a lot of that meaning, where we get a lot of that connection, right? speaker-1: Absolutely. And that's why it's so important. That's why I say I'm a friend raising strategist. Yeah. Because it's social media, like you said, is a tool. You know, your LinkedIns, your Instagrams, ⁓ your TikToks, those are tools to elevate and optimize your networking ability. But you should not rely on it alone. Even in generative AI it says AI can make mistakes. You know? And so if we go with the lens that this is a tool instead of the end all be all, then we begin to utilize it properly and how it should have been used as a means of connecting people who are across different spectrums of society, across different time zones, across different countries, but not eliminate the human aspect. speaker-0: Again. Yes again. speaker-1: of connecting and networking. And I think that's what we're missing and we need to get back to that. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. You know, I s I I situate myself in a similar space when it comes to the therapeutic relationship and how I am so very happy ⁓ about ⁓ the the innovation and and installation of apps for people to to to get mental health services, right? I mean in in rural areas or where, you know, there is A saturation like here in in like the Seattle area, there's such a saturation of mental health ⁓ services and professionals, and yet people still can't access them because everyone is just super full. So apps are great. It still can connect you to people. I think though it there is a part of personability, right? And and relationship that is missing. And so this sort of leads me to. He talked about networking and and friend raising and that that's the importance of that connection. Knowing that we're not getting out of AI, like we're not getting out of where we are with social media and such. When you are trying to form a quality connection or you're looking for the next great connection in your network, how do you filter through to know who's who? And and you know speaker-1: That's a great question. ⁓ I think what matters the most is is identifying what the person's intentions are or identifying what your attempts are with that person. if if this person is reaching out to you and they're looking for, you know, a connection to another person, fantastic here. You know, I I I personally am a person who if somebody reaches out to me and say, ⁓ hey, can you connect me to this individual? Yeah, sure. Let me let me follow up with you. I reach out to that individual and I specifically ask them, hey, I have a person who's interested in connecting with you. ⁓ are you open to or do you have the bandwidth or capacity to connect with this person? Oftentimes, especially if I've already vetted this person, these people are like, Yeah, sure. They trust me, they trust my judgment, they trust the relationship that I have with them. And so they're not going to believe that I'm going to set them up for a situation where this person may be a detriment or a harm to whatever they have going on personally, professionally. Whatever it may be. ⁓ now identifying oftentimes, you know, people reach out on LinkedIn. It's like, okay, who do you know and how did you find me? ⁓ speaker-0: Yes. Like how how do you know? speaker-1: Exactly, right? And oftentimes it's just, you know, somebody just wanted to reach out. They may have seen a a podcast or an interview that I've done. They may have sat in a a workshop or a conference that I spoke at. ⁓ and they just want to connect more, learn more. ⁓ often, you know, asking, Hey, do you know of employment? Because everybody's looking for a job right now. ⁓ yeah. You know, it's it's it's very, very sad to see. ⁓ and so I use my network as one of the first filters with regard to identifying whether or not this person is a friend, an adversary, or unidentified. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I you know, I think similarly in the mental health world, it's what you said in the beginning, you know, knowing somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody. I hear that song in my head. And and so I think us folks and I can say this, us us veterans, right? ⁓ who kick at old school, we're we're kinda like, Hey, let me phone my friend or phone my network and say speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Hey, do you know this person? Or do you know what they're about? Have you heard of them? and and we vet them that way. I think what's scary for me is when these folks don't have a network or you don't know anything about them and they're and they're starting, it's it there's always this inherent risk, right? ⁓ Absolutely. And at the same time, this sort of leads to this next ⁓ part about networking, then we're building into the entrepreneur. world. On the one hand, we do use these tactics of phone a friend, phone our network, vet a person. And we can, and I want to make this clear to the audience, we can also miss out on some really good butting talent that way. So we've got to expand. But what can those individuals do in your in your eyes, in your experience, when they don't have a footprint? speaker-1: ⁓ speaker-0: Or or maybe they're rebranding. how do we help these folks, especially, and I'm gonna I'm gonna be selfish here, our young people of color who wanna step up and rise and get into the professional spaces that you know you and I are in, and and maybe even above us, how can we help them? What are some advice we can give them that you can give them to help them create an impact? speaker-1: Mm-hmm. speaker-0: or leave an impactful imprint, help them be seen and get part of, you know, to and and be indoctrinated into some of these networks. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. That's a great question because we at some point were there, right? Yep. speaker-0: ⁓ I'm I might still be there. speaker-1: Yeah. Right, yeah. Honestly, right. you can't be afraid to reach out to somebody first and foremost. You you gotta overcome that fear of reaching out. speaker-0: Might still be there. So quit waiting to be chosen. speaker-1: Exactly. Quit waiting to be chosen. You you you know, ⁓ you have to take action. Nothing is going to fall in your lap. Especially since we're being more micro in this approach when we're talking about young people of color. Mm-hmm. You have to remember, and it's an old adage, but it's passed down from generation to generation, you have to work twice as hard to get half the credit. so that translates to you having to be intentional on who you reach out to. ⁓ every person, regardless of age, at some point in time, you need to have a mentor. You need to have somebody who's been there, who's done that, who's seen success and can speaker-0: Yeah, I mean. Mm-hmm. Ooh. speaker-1: in part that wisdom to you, right? There's that old adage, the smart man learns from his mistakes, but the wise man learns from others. Your goal is to live in that wise man's space. Learn from somebody else who's been through it, who's done it, who said, you know what, yeah, I had this experience and I learned this from this experience. So now I don't have to go through that anymore. Right. Because now I have the vision Of what a future could potentially look like if I ever were to encounter that experience. And so now that I have that vision of what it looks like, I could then begin to prepare for it. So proper preparation prevents poor performance. And that's our goal. Cause we always, as I said before, have to work twice as hard to get half the credit. Finding that mentor, reaching out and being an intentional on how you reach out. When you reach out to somebody who you're like, man, this person will be awesome to connect with. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: Reach out to them and explain, hi, I'm, you know, I'm Melvin. I'm so interested in learning on how to be a better leader. And I've seen your work in the community. And I would love to sit down and have a conversation with you either over the phone or in person, coffee or lunch. So I can pick your brain if you're open to it, if you have the bandwidth for it, because I believe that learning from others gives me the skills to be better than what I currently am. So and that and that's just a just just a general conversation that you can have with anybody. Yeah. ⁓ and most leaders, if they're intentional and if they believe in leading from behind, then they're going to have no issue with meeting with somebody who's striving to be better. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love everything that you just said. And I think about my own experiences ⁓ coming up into leadership and how I, you know, I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew where I wanted to be, and I knew that the the process of of the query, right? Of of inquiring was important because you're not gonna get questions. answered if you don't ask questions. ⁓ I think the the biggest reality check, just sort of piggybacking on that and maybe tell tell me a little bit about your experience. For our young folks out here and for those and and I I don't just want to target young folks, anyone that I think is either starting in a career down a career path or is starting over speaker-1: Exactly. speaker-0: trying to network, maybe network differently, like maybe you switch from business to psychology, from medicine to economics. I don't know. Also guard your peace and guard your your your just guard your your mindset because it's not a one and done either. I can't tell you how many people I reached out to to either hear nothing back. speaker-1: No, it's not. speaker-0: Or to be rejected. And that's also okay. Like that is that is also that's not a sign that you should give up either. And so I I'll tell you, I can't tell you, ⁓ th there have always also been opportunities crafted where it's like, hey, I'm sorry, I don't have the capacity to help or to to mentor you. ⁓ or you know what, thank you for reading about what I've done and the work that I've contributed. I'm not the right person, but also me point you in the direction of someone else. Yeah. So, you know, I I just want to point out, ⁓ looking at the culture of these generations now, it's it seems easier for people to give up. And it's like, no, I think that persistence, that's what, that's the stock that you wanna have. You've gotta be persistent. speaker-1: One hundred percent. One hundred percent. I mean persistence is everything. ⁓ You can't the tor the tortoise in the hair. Right. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Slow and steady. speaker-1: Slow and steady. Persistence is key. You know, as as being a leader, I work in, you know, development as well. And development is fundraising, relationship building, all these things. And oftentimes, like you said, is rejection. There's no. No. Yep. I'm good. Or they don't respond. Right. That's fine. That doesn't mean anything to me because guess what? I'm just gonna circle back and come back to you. Three six months from now. Hey, seeing how you doing, just touching base. Because no doesn't mean no to me. It means just not right now. Or what you're doing doesn't align with what we have. So that's fine. I'll find a pivot. You have to be adaptable. And you have you have to be as what Bruce Lee says is like water. Right. water can take the form of anything that it's put into. speaker-0: Exactly. Exactly. speaker-1: So if you adapt, but it's also a powerful force. Still waters sometimes they run deep and they run powerfully. So be a still water, calm, cool, collected, always aware, always observing. Yes. And then you use that opportunity once you've observed what's happening. Now you know I need to pay attention to this. I need to connect with this. I need to make sure that this person is in my circle because of what they're able to do that can help my community and increase the impact that I'm trying to do with regardless of whatever field I'm in, if it's tech, it's economics, as you said, you know, even in the medical space, the metal the the mental health space, you know, you see people who c come up with this new creative therapy. And it's like, ⁓ I need you my circle because I need to collaborate with you to bring that therapy to my clients, to my patients. You always be ready to move and adapt. There's only three things that are guaranteed in life. It's death. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: Taxes for the poor and change. So I often say I embrace change as an old welcomed friend. speaker-0: Yes. Yes. ⁓ that's so beautifully said. And and definitely a great reminder, I think, for myself and a great introduction for those who really need to hear it. ⁓ what I also hear here, and and you and I have spoken about this offline, just this is my year of discernment, right? We have got to discern what is of value. ⁓ and a value to us, especially when we establish our brand and who we are and we go out in the world. So we hear the the word no, we get rejected, we continue to remain persistent. There's also another trap that I will out myself ⁓ about where I think this could really help some some folks. How do you know when you need to just continue to be persistent or when you're just knocking on the wrong door? speaker-1: ⁓ man. Wow. That's real. ⁓ I like to liken it. I like to liken rejection to a door. There are two types of doors, right? There's a door that locks and dead bolts that you can't force open. No matter how hard you try. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. speaker-1: Then there's doors that maybe it's a little bit off the hinge. You gotta put a little bit more oomph in it. But what happens? That door still opens. Right. If you're putting maximum effort and maximum intentionality in what you're trying to accomplish and you're reaching no progress, it's a locked door. Yeah. You gotta pivot. But if you see that there's a no speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Yeah. speaker-1: Not sure or a not right now kind of circumstance. That's a jam door. That you just gotta jiggle it a little bit more. Maybe you have to pivot. Maybe you have to ha ⁓ try a different approach. Maybe you gotta lift the door and push versus just opening it. Maybe you gotta twist the doorknob and and you know, jiggle the handle four times and then open the door, whatever you need to do. But it doesn't mean that it's not. possible. You just have to be able to put forth the maximum effort to ensure that that door opens for you. Yeah. Oftentimes for me in a in a spiritual space, I know that something is meant for me because I face little resistance when I approach it. Things kind of just clear its way, things align, and I'm able to, for the most part, just walk right through. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. ⁓ speaker-1: I believe that there are signs for everyone. And you just have to identify what those signs are for you personally. speaker-0: Yeah. Which I think requires reflection, right? And and along with persistence, patience, my goodness, patience. ⁓ I wanna back up and say shout out to Dr. King for inciting all of our trauma about our cars from the early two thousands talking about Jimmy in the door and you remember when we had to roll the windshield. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Threw me back. I I just thought about some old cars that I drove and you had to have like a twelve step manual to get in the car. Yes. speaker-1: Right. speaker-0: Now I lose my key fob and I lose my mind. I'm just like what do I do? What do I speaker-1: I used to have a screwdriver this long to start one of my cars. So we've come a long way, Doctor. speaker-0: Me? Let me tell you, let me ⁓ funny funny aside, ⁓ my my dad had one of those club ⁓ bars across. ⁓ yeah. And let me tell you how one time we couldn't find the key and we somehow drove with that sucker on it. speaker-1: ⁓ man. ⁓ speaker-0: The things we did to where now you don't have a fob, your car literally won't start. We used to we we used to figure it out back in the day. speaker-1: Yeah, born out. Yes, we did. speaker-0: ⁓ my gosh, the resiliency. But yes, and and this is just so this is so perfect, you know, to talk about because I think for for those of us who have been in our respective fields and have faced that rejection and face the ⁓ those doors that we've had to Jimmy, ⁓ you you s said something that I wanna just repeat in a different way. If if you're getting that level of resistance over time, that door is just not opening. speaker-1: Resiliency. speaker-0: We call that in in Mount Health, you you've got to have some radical acceptance about it. Right. So I I liken it to this. You know, we've all listened to the the the bad American Idol rehearsals. And it's just like, listen, there is something for everybody and at the same time, if you've been told no, it's it's just it's just no, right? It just that door is just not open for you. That doesn't mean that you don't have talent elsewhere or other skills to contribute. But even I, you know, ⁓ you and I are both very talented individuals. And we have been hit with those doors that are like, I can't open that. All the time. And I want people to know this is not just ⁓ we got hit once. No, we got hit with that clap back several times. speaker-1: Yeah. Exactly. Several times. I mean, shoot. Sometimes still recovering from it, right? speaker-0: Man, I'm still holding on to that. Yes. Exactly. And but I think that's a that's a hard thing ⁓ for the generations that we're seeing now. And then even some folks in the workforce, the stories that I hear, it is hard for them to hear now. It is hard for them to with with generative AI, with all the tools that are available, because of that level of accessibility, because of I call it false networking. Right. When you have, well, I have twenty thousand followers on Instagram. Okay. That does not necessarily equate to a thriving business or to, you know, ⁓ to a return on investment. And w and I just wonder why it's so hard for people to accept that that door is just not a door that will open for them. speaker-1: Hmm. You know what? When you when you say people have an issue with the word no, I I often equate that to a lack of accountability. speaker-0: ⁓ We said this can't be speaker-1: No. Yeah. To hear no, people often take it as their they're being they're being rejected. Yeah. The person who they are, who they represent, their ideals, their beliefs, their their level of success is all tied to that one word. No. And that's not the case. speaker-0: ⁓ boy. speaker-1: The accountability piece comes in is acknowledging that whatever I did and however I came to this point was not the proper place for me to be in in that moment. Or indefinitely. Right. Depending on the circumstance. You have to be able to accept no, identify why the no existed, and do what you need to to change that no to a yes. Or like you said. radical acceptance that no is not meant for you. Once we start taking accountability, which I've noticing generation over generation, it's starting to become less and less prevalent. Mm-hmm. speaker-0: Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. speaker-1: we begin to live in a space where people just be give up on the no. Mm-hmm. They don't they don't have that tortoise in them to finish the race. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. I I've met a lot of hairs of you know, ⁓ people wanting to rush. And I think this will I I say this in jest, but you know what I'm talking about. You know, the folks that want to to show up in entrepreneurial spaces, the ones that want to like get big and successful overnight because they look at the TikTokers and they look at, you know, these ⁓ successful folks. They look at us and they're like, if you know, if Dr. King could do it, Dr. Maxwell could do it, I can do it. And yes, we want to continue to support you and build you up in that. But we did not get here quickly. And also the the there wasn't always a seat at the table for us. And so we had to to we had to create the table once we figured some things out after a while. And this is the line I want to say, you know. People want to move fast. They want to be successful fast. And I get it, especially in these very uncertain times. But can't everybody get have a mixtape? Right? We can't all have a mixtape. Like we cannot all be out here trying to do, you know, do things quickly and and think that we're gonna come up in the world and just be the next best thing. And you might be, but there is a strategy behind it. ⁓ but speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. speaker-0: I know, you know, since I know of ⁓ quite a bit about your background, you know about mine, we've been friends for a long time now. ⁓ talk to me about how there have definitely been doors as a black man that were closed for you. But when when you do the pivot, when you realize, okay, this door is not gonna open for me. ⁓ no matter how educated, right? Like you've got all these degrees, no matter who you know. speaker-1: Yes. speaker-0: You've got to pivot you've got to create a seat ⁓ at your own table. You've got to build your own table. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. speaker-0: How do people know when so so let's say, you know, that that opportunity was meant for them, but there are these closed doors. This is another scenario, right? Of 'cause this isn't for lack of talent. There's just no room at the table for you. We don't have space. When do you stop waiting? speaker-1: Mm. speaker-0: What do you just craft your own tape? speaker-1: And that that that's a tough question to ask be and to answer. The reason being is because every person's journey is different. Yeah. for me, it was ⁓ the realization that if I want to step into leadership and executive space, I need to show that I'm capable of being a leader. I need to show that I'm capable of, you know, taking the helm of an organization and and turning it into a success. I was a that that leads into my up the business that I created. Because as as you said, you know, I I noticed that there were opportunities that existed that I was getting looked over. And oftentimes in that space, when you're trying to step into leadership, true leadership, because there's there's two different types of leadership, right? There's leadership speaker-0: Please tell me. speaker-1: where you create your own business and you run your own business and you're s and hopefully that business is successful and you've established yourself as a leader. Right. Oftentimes people who create businesses end up just being solopreneurs. And unfortunately, solopreneurs who aren't generating six figures, seven figures, eight figures aren't considered leaders oftentimes by a lot of people because they're like, Who are you leading? It's just you by yourself. But it takes discipline to be able to do that, to be able to focus your time and efforts on this business that only you are running. So you are your own leadership, you're your own HR, you're your own IT, your own marketing, you know, your your your own programming, whatever that looks like, your own sales team, whatever that looks like, like you're doing all the things. So you can't deny a solopreneur first and foremost isn't a leader. speaker-0: ⁓ huh. Thank you so much for that validation. That's this girl right here. speaker-1: Exactly. speaker-0: Outside of my nine to five, you know, this whole all of this is ⁓ and people don't realize the the hard work behind it, but you have to put in the work to be a solopreneur. You really, really do. Yeah. speaker-1: You do. You do. And then there's the other type of leader that I would say is more traditional where somebody hires you to be a leader of an organization. Mm-hmm. That one is considered more validated because somebody else sees your worth and they put you in the place where they think that you can make a difference as a leader. Both still require all the same skills. Mm-hmm. The differences is that you are betting on you. Versus somebody else spetting on you. Now, when you get that validation, oftentimes people people don't realize in your professional career, you eventually get to a point where there's a wall where your technical skills, your degrees, and everything else don't get you beyond that wall. Because when you start stepping into C suite space, it's all relationships. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Yep. All about who you know. speaker-1: It's all about who you know. And I would even go a step further and I would say it's not about what you know. It's not about who you know. What what yeah, it's not about what you know, it's not about who you know, but who knows you. That's the difference between a person who's able to be ⁓ a senior manager to then becoming a vice president or an executive director or things of that nature. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: Now I think about my solopreneur journey. I I didn't even step into solopreneur space. I actually partnered with somebody to start my HR consulting firm. And there was a lot of effort put into it. So much so that, you know, it was recognized as top forty under forty in Las Vegas. Thank you. speaker-0: Let's just pause You know what? ⁓ I I seriously, I seriously I'm just so proud of you and I wanna just make that known because ⁓ there are so few of us that look like us doing what we do. And so I just I just wanna give you your flowers, Doctor King. speaker-1: that one. Thank you. Yes. Thank you, Dr. Mance. I appreciate it. ⁓ and then from there that gave me the opportunity to leverage that level I'm the chief organizational officer of my organization. And now I just finished ⁓ a leadership program within a city that connects other leaderships, other leaders, executives, vice presidents, et cetera, et cetera. And in impacting the city. ⁓ and it's called Leadership Las Vegas. So I graduated that just this past June. And this is all because of the efforts showing that I'm capable of leading an organization. So my journey as an entrepreneur translated to recognition, awards, opportunities for further leadership. And that ultimately boils down to knowing when. To start. I saw that people weren't giving me the table. So I'm like, okay, cool. Build the table myself. And I'm gonna leverage the relationships that I have to help me elevate myself to the next level. Always going back to that friend raising strategies, tapping into your network, tapping into those relationships and saying, Hey, I have this opportunity. And I think you and I can work great together. Let me help you make your organization better. speaker-0: Mm. Mm-hmm. I love that. And and I feel like people are going to feel very empowered by what you just said and really rethink. I hope that they rethink their strategies ⁓ when it comes to their own networking. But I think there's also a caveat, right? So you said something earlier. ⁓ it's not just about who you know, but who knows you. And From a behavioral, you know, I'm a behaviorist. I I love behaviors and understanding characteristics and qualities of people. In order for people to know you and want to know you, you've got to have certain qualities about you. So I wanna I wanna get real for a second. speaker-1: Mm. Let's do it. speaker-0: What are some of the qualities you think people ⁓ need in order to be successful in the networking realm? What makes them memorable? What would make them memorable to you? And then secondly, for our black and brown people, our marginalized groups, I want to keep it real. What are some things that we're doing that are just not making us marketable? speaker-1: Hmm. Jeez. If we place all the systemic stuff aside, right? I would say What's important is identifying who you are as a person first and foremost, right? Knowing who you are, knowing what your skills are, what your your talents are, everything else. Now you your your your question poses a very interesting ⁓ space because and correct me if I'm wrong, your question speaker-0: What are some of the qualities that make people memorable? Okay. And then for us, because I want to talk to our communities. Mm-hmm. What are some things that we could we could be doing better? What are some ⁓ yes. Yeah. speaker-1: Yes. So to make yourself memorable, we oftentimes don't remember what people said, but we remember how they made us. Right. So it's not necessarily coming in and being the smartest person in the room. It's coming in and making sure that you're being authentic and you're finding connection with people. ⁓ and that connection is important because speaker-0: PL. Mm-hmm. No. speaker-1: If I can find something that I can relate to you, I can always go back and tap into that to rebuild that connection. If so happen to we all live live lives and we end up going separate ways and I'll run into you again for another six or eight months. But I remember, ⁓ you're a Michigan fan. speaker-0: Yeah. Blue. For those who are listening to this on audio, you didn't see Doctor King's face. We've been t but speaker-1: Yes. in all fairness, ⁓ Michigan is a great school. So I will give Michigan its credit. speaker-0: ⁓ So is Penn State. You know what? Absolutely. speaker-1: I mean you started with us first. So speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. But you know what? As as long as we're not playing each other, I I look. speaker-1: It's always love. It now for when I think about the most successful people, they're not the most brilliant. They're not. The most brilliant person in the room isn't often a leader, but the most emotionally intelligent one. speaker-0: No. No. Mm. speaker-1: is often the leader. The successful leader. speaker-0: One that can read the room. speaker-1: One that can read the room, one who knows when to speak up, and one who knows when to step back, one who knows when to empathize, and one one who knows when to provide knowledge, insight, resources. That's my tip for our young people of color. You have to develop your emotional intelligence. The most studies show the most successful leader of any organization is the one who's the most emotionally intelligent. speaker-0: Mm. speaker-1: The most emotionally intelligent leader knows their strengths and knows their weaknesses. And they augment their weaknesses with individuals who have that as their strength. speaker-0: Hm, mm. speaker-1: That's what we have to do. Build your network of people who are like-minded in effort, like-minded in impact, like-minded in equity, like-minded in empathy. And also strengthen you and your weaknesses. speaker-0: Yeah. Okay. Mm. I I really that really resonates with with me and and some of the conversations I've had with with young people who, you know, have asked me, how do you how do I get into these space? How do I climb? Acknowledging your weaknesses. I love what you said about augmenting those with people. So surrounding yourself by people who are skilled. One of my favorite things in the world is to surround myself by smart people, by people that know how to do things. Because when you a good leader, I believe, allows others to shine. Let those other folks shine. Because, you know, absolutely in essence, you get to be the the mastermind. speaker-1: One hundred percent. speaker-0: ⁓ you know, by putting all these wonderful individuals in place that are just doing such great things. ⁓ so so that's that. But with with weaknesses, I think sometimes, no matter where you are on the I say the color sphere, we have a hard time acknowledging our weaknesses. What's what's up with that? speaker-1: Man, it's it's so disappointing to people don't realize that knowing your weaknesses is a strength. speaker-0: Yes. Yes. speaker-1: Like y if you know where your shortcomings are, you can either work to improve it or as we said before, find people who can do it so you don't have to. Cork smarter, not harder. Yeah. speaker-0: Yes, yes. And it's funny to hear that line. I think in these times we've lost meaning. Or that that phrase has lost so much meaning and we need to recreate that. Work smarter, not harder. Smarter does not mean taking on eighty five projects at once and doing them all, you know, in a mediocre way. I will also say for those of us who are high achievers, like you y yourself and myself speaker-1: Mm-hmm. speaker-0: If there are many projects that we're dabbling in, that's also okay. But making sure that we are taking time to step away and breathe. Right. I I always believe in that that balance, ⁓ in behavioral health. We can we can be doing too much and nothing at all. And it's it's very, very important that we find balance because I think for many of us who have been doing this for a long time, being stretched too thin can be a weakness. speaker-1: Yes. Yeah. One hundred percent. Yeah. One hundred percent. And people don't even realize that. It's like, I'm starting five businesses. Why? Why? ⁓ I you know, I'm I'm working this business and then I you know, I do all this volunteer work and I love that. That is amazing. When do you find the time to recharge? Right. When do you find the time to ground yourself in your your why and figure out like is this are these things speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. speaker-1: feeding me or are they draining me. And then when you're able to identify that, that's when you start becoming more intentional on your time. I often say, you know, money we can always make, but time is finite. It is. And once it's gone, it's gone. Yeah. ⁓ and so take the time to identify what aligns with your why, what aligns with your purpose, your reason. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: And then pour into that because it's going to constantly fill your cup. speaker-0: Yes, yes. And ⁓ I think that you and I align on this and I think we all have to find what works for us. But so you've you've networked, you've found people, you've you've built these authentic relationships, you've found a mentor. La la la la la. My favorite line is always remain teachable. Always remain teachable. speaker-1: Mm, I love that. speaker-0: Exactly. So we ta we I I'm gonna keep bringing up AI because ⁓ it's the algorithm will do something and hopefully get this out there, right? But but with that, ⁓ a and and feel free to go as deep into this as you want. Like I said, we're not getting away from AI right now, we're not getting away from apps, we're not getting away from social media, we are connected in this way, and so we're not connecting in this way. But speaker-1: Ha ha. speaker-0: I think some of the reason doors are closing for some people is because companies are trying to move in a culturally projective direction, right? So they're they're moving in the direction of like, hey, healthcare, we're looking at in incorporating AI with with documentation and and and services. Now we have a lot of compliance and regulatory concerns that we need to address, and I want to make that very clear. We still have to abide by HIPAA and privacy laws. ⁓ so there's still a lot of things at work. But the doors shut for certain people who are like, I'm not gonna this is my dream job, but I'm also not gonna get on board with the fact that they wanna utilize this. or I don't want to get with the times, or there are companies that are just not using some of the most up-to-date technology or trainings or what have you. What say you about things being just ever changing and people not wanting to get with the times, but ⁓ are also complaining that doors are closed? speaker-1: Mm. Can't have your cake and eat it too. As that old expression says, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. It's it's it's the it's a challenge that often a lot of millennials run into, right? Where they're they're stuck at this can't break through that glass ceiling because they have and I'm gonna call them out. Your older Gen Xers, you got your old boomers who are sitting in leadership positions who say, mm. speaker-0: Call me up. speaker-1: I'm not gonna learn any of that. ⁓ huh. I'm gonna make you do it. So now everything falls on the millennial, who, in my opinion, is the greatest generation because we are the bridge between the old and the new. speaker-0: care what anyone has to say. ⁓ we are the last generation with some of the best music. I say what I said. I'm I'm gonna be canceled after this, but I'm just saying speaker-1: Yes. Hey, look, from ninety to two thousand and seven, music was at its peak. speaker-0: And you know what? Our knees hurt, our backs hurt. We we did what we did, and we we still doing it. But I'm with you. So one of the things I want to ask you about ⁓ has to do with, I don't know, maybe the dark side. ⁓ as as we've talked about some, we've sort of dabbled in a couple things when it comes to the the entrepreneurial space and just business in general. But what are some of the stereotypes in speaker-1: ⁓ absolutely. Yeah. speaker-0: you know, becoming a leader, becoming an entrepreneur, things that maybe we don't think about, things that people sell to us that may or may not work, and you know, how we can know what works for us, and even if it is a stereotype. speaker-1: That really shed light negatively. And yeah, the crazy part is that most of the stereotypes, at least for the black community, are negative. There's there's there's not really any positive stereotypes that that exist ⁓ for the black community. you know, for example, ⁓ the overly assertive, aggressive, loud black woman. ⁓ speaker-0: Never heard this one. speaker-1: Right. Never in your life. Probably the first time you've ever experienced that. I'm sorry for having to bring this to you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, yeah. ⁓ and then there's also the, you know, for for black men it's d being lazy. speaker-0: Don't get it. ⁓ yeah, that's speaker-1: You know what hurts. ⁓ it does. It does. ⁓ being intimidating. ⁓ physically, our physical presence is intimidating. ⁓ for us black men, black women, black women, I will speak to s first, me not being a black woman or identifying as, you know, identify as a cisgender heterosexual male. ⁓ my observations is that There's ⁓ ways that we can be assertive and there are ways that we can get our point across. I often say that it's not about what you say, but it's about how you say it. speaker-0: How you say it, absolutely. speaker-1: And that ties back to it's not what you say, but how you made that person feel. speaker-0: ⁓ huh, ⁓ huh. speaker-1: If oftentimes black women tend to have deeper voices than than other women. Their voice commands has more power behind it and its speech. It's the the timber. ⁓ you know, it's the ancestor speaking through us, right? and and so that can be intimidating to people. So being mindful of your speaker-0: Mm. speaker-1: tone and how you approach things is probably one of the most key factors I would recommend for any black woman who's trying to elevate themselves in leadership. Be mindful of your tone. It's not the words, how you say it. speaker-0: Yeah, paraverbal communication. You know, for those of you folks, par parbal communication is, you know, the the speed, the the rate, the tone. And, you know, it's not to say that we should be in a space where we just are constantly trying to sound like other. You know, we respect the culture, but we do we we do have to be mindful. We have to be mindful of how we come across if we want people to to hear us and receive what we're saying. Rather than judge how we're saying it. Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah. Absolutely. Now for the black men, the concept of being lazy, that will carry with you until you reach a point in your career where it's irrefutable that you aren't. so you have to keep your head down in the sense of how you accomplish your work. You grind, you become educated or you get the skills necessary for you to elevate in your space. And I'm not saying education is going to college. Education could be getting certifications. It could be developing, you know, blue-collar skills. Like education is is not a monolith. It's it's the growth and evolution of a person's intellect, their ability to process things, and their Ability to emotionally handle challenges and adversity. so the laziness trope is going to follow you. And that's just fuel to your fire to strive for greatness. When it comes to being the intimidating space, I lean into it. I lean into being the person when I walk into the room, people speaker-0: ⁓ speaker-1: Heads are turning and looking at me because I'm just gonna be honest being a black male, we have a certain aura that we carry and it's attention grabbing, especially if you're a person who's walking in confidence of who you are as an individual. Yes. Can't nobody tell me about me but me. speaker-0: Yeah. Amen of that same. Yep. speaker-1: You know. Mm-hmm. and so that that resonates and echoes for black women as well. ⁓ be confident, not cost speaker-0: Yes. speaker-1: Be confident in who you are. Be confident in your skills and your capability. Be confident in knowing that I believe in my own mind that there's nobody who's going to outwork me. And if you lean into that, that gives you the that intrinsic motivation to continue to strive to be better and do better and to achieve whatever goals you're looking to set out for. speaker-0: Right. Mm-hmm. Yes, yes, yes. And you know, that's that's definitely something I s ⁓ I'll say personally I'm still working on because ⁓ I'm sometimes I can be quick at the tongue and I know that. And you know, I I I wanna acknowledge that historically our people have had to to advocate and fight for ⁓ to be heard, to be seen, to be taken seriously, and we also have to transform and metamorphosize and and and get with the times, especially in business, right? We we can't be running everybody off because we just want to be we want to present as strong all the time. And I think strength does not always look one way. And so that is something ⁓ that beautifully said. I I wanna end on this note because I swear we could talk about this forever. And I know ⁓ This is so so important because there's so many people trying to start businesses out here. There's so many people trying to step into spaces and and get into politics, get into HR, get into consulting. And all I wanna do is is just wrap my arms around people and just say, Hey, like you can you can do this and you gotta be smart about it. But ⁓ for starters, for any new person, any newcomer, our youngsters out there, people starting over. Just give us a a few quick tips and and tricks and and sage words of wisdom from the great Doctor King that they can take with them ⁓ as they start or restart on their journeys. speaker-1: You're exactly where you're supposed to be in that moment. speaker-0: Whoosh speaker-1: So embrace that first because life is about the journey. It's not about the accomplishments. If you're starting over and you're you're like, you know what, I'm pivoting. Look, I pivoted. I I was in the science field. You know, say we were both in science. Yeah. And now we're science adjacent. I like that. speaker-0: I like that. It's nice. Science you know what? Hashtag science of Jesus I write algorithm, do what you do. speaker-1: Yeah, exactly. Hashtag ⁓ FIFA World Cup. Just throw that out there too. Let's go. speaker-0: ⁓ Let's go, USA. speaker-1: acknowledge identify what your your strengths are. Identify what your weaknesses are. Then leverage your strengths to produce an outcome that you want to see. Whether it be starting a business, whether it be supporting somebody else's business and coming in as a consultant. Either way. Leverage your skills and that knowledge that you've acquired and don't stop learning. Always be learning. You know, the wise man knows he knows nothing. And I lean into that. I I always am open to learning new things. learning new phrasing, yeah. Like radical acceptance. ⁓ speaker-0: Well Y'all got too many acronyms in HR. I'm gonna just tell you right now, like I can't. I try. I just I defer. But yes. speaker-1: Yes, right. Yes. But see, and that's that's you acknowledging your weakness. Right. And then leaning on a person exactly who has that knowledge to, you know, augment your skills. find the person who is willing to be, I like to say a fanatic. speaker-0: I could Yeah. Mm. speaker-1: Person who's in your life that is going to root for you, it's going to cheer for you, who's going to support you and be an advocate, a voice, a connector, whatever that is, whatever their skill set are for you in that space. Everybody needs a fanatic in their corner to hit to keep them motivated, to keep them driven, to keep them supported, elevated, and also be an empathetic ear because the journey is not easy. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: to be easy. It's meant to be experienced and is meant to be learned from. Embrace that. Realize and accept that no doesn't mean not right now. Well does it mean not right now, doesn't mean never. And if it does mean never, in those circumstances and instances, be ready to pivot. speaker-0: Right. And pivoting is not a bad thing, folks. ⁓ you know, sometimes pivoting could mean, you know, and I'll say this from my behavioral health standpoint, pivoting could sometimes mean that you have outgrown the spaces that you were in. And you are destined for something greater, you know, move along with that that tide. And also I've you know, if you found yourself starting a project over here that didn't quite work out in that time. speaker-1: Mm, let's go. speaker-0: And you did make a pivot. It's also okay to go back and revisit, you know, some of those areas in different parts of your life. Dr. King, you are phenomenal. Thank you for your friendship, your words of wisdom, for sitting with me and our audience today. I I just have so much gratitude for you, the work that you do. and you know, we gotta do this again sometime. I am so, so very happy that you have been a guest ⁓ on this podcast today. speaker-1: Absolutely. speaker-0: It truly helps us reach more people. And I have to say, if you're looking for the next thought-provoking read, be sure to check out my novel, Bereavement, available now on Amazon. speaker-1: Check out Bereck. speaker-0: My goodness, yes, yes. speaker-1: There it is. There it is. And if if you don't mind. speaker-0: Please do. speaker-1: There's an excerpt that I wanted to kind of touch on. speaker-0: Please do. speaker-1: The thought settled into place with frightening ease. Children often mistake restoration for inevitability. Adults should know better. But adults had not fixed this. So perhaps children would have to. Mara picked up the arrhythmic packet, looked at the equations, looked at the get well card, then at the hallway closet where Daniel kept his papers. A connection began forming, not accurate, not logical, but deeply ten years old, and therefore dangerous. At first Mara tried to be brave. She lined up her stuffed animals and held school for them, read books she already knew by heart, built kingdoms from couch cushions where mothers were explorers, queens, spies, anything but gone. Because the lade was survivable. Bon was not. There was one photograph, Mara spoke to it sometimes, quietly, as though her mother might hear through glass. Hi mommy. Then reported on the ordinary disasters of childhood. That excerpt resonated with me. ⁓ and the adults had not fixed this. Mistake restoration for inevitability. And then she reported on the ordinary disasters of childhood. Life is a journey and dealing with grief, dealing with challenges, dealing with the belief that we're not good enough is not something that a child believes. Right. A child the world is d endless. Endless possibility. Adults lose it when we become adults. Woo! speaker-0: We took speaker-1: Be authentically you lean into your emotional intelligence and don't be afraid of no. speaker-0: ⁓ my goodness. Thank you so much. I am so thank you. Very blessed that that, you know, that book that my book resonated with you. There's some bars in there. I got some I got some bars. I got I that's my mixtape. Bereven is my mixtape. Bereven is my mixtape. speaker-1: Yes, there you go. speaker-0: Well, you know what folks, this has been an absolute blast. Dr. King, you are absolutely amazing. And for all of you, until next time, stay rooted in who you are. Keep rising into who you're becoming. And I'll see you next time.