Ep 395: Cultural Shifts and Mental Health

[00:00:00] Liquor Talk, another new episode starts now. Welcome one, welcome everybody to another edition of the Liquor Talk podcast. Thank you all for joining us on this journey to 400 episodes. I'm proud to say we are in the home stretch. Shout out to everybody that's tuned in on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or if you're watching this on YouTube. And thank you to our friends at PodMatch for providing our guests today. Join us from that golden state known as California.

[00:00:30] NIA is Dr. Nanika Oloha. How you doing, doc? I'm doing well. Thank you for inviting me here today. That's no problem. No problem. And thank you for being here. So tell us a little about what you do. I understand you are an author as well. Tell us all about you. Okay. Yeah. So I am an author and a physician as well. I would say as far as my identity goes, I'll think of myself first as a writer before a physician because before I fell in love with my

[00:01:00] medicine and became a doctor, I was first a writer. I would see stories everywhere and everything. A simple trip to the marketplace means I have a thousand stories in my head. Like, oh, this woman just walked past me. She has a bucket in her hands. What is it for? What is she going to do? What is she, where is she going to with the bucket? You know, there's all these stories that come up.

[00:01:23] And after that, I started in love with medicine and became a doctor, but I never let go of my, my identity as a writer. And I wanted to do something with that someday, which led to me writing a book, Live for Me in Nikam.

[00:01:37] Yes. That's wonderful. Going back to you personally, I understand you came to America from Nigeria. So what made you, why did you decide to come to America? Because, you know, I hear of Afro Africans going to so many different countries. Why did you, you know, decide to come here to the good old USA?

[00:01:58] So the decision to come to USA was after I met my husband, because he, he's a Nigerian as well, but he's been here since he was eight. He grew up here. So he came back to Nigeria visiting family and we met. And after we got married, we decided to raise our family here in the United States. So that's how I came over.

[00:02:18] So talk to me about the culture shift. How did that affect you coming, come from Nigeria to come to the United States? Because as you well know, earlier this year, the world cup was here and a lot of people had that culture shock of being an American. So I can only imagine how you leaving the motherland and coming over to the United States.

[00:02:40] So the culture shock is very real. There's so many things that are very different. Obviously, human beings are the same at our core, but obviously the culture is so different. Things that people take for granted, you know, becomes a huge issue. Even simple things like some slangs will just go right above your head. And you're like, what are they saying? You know, in Nigeria, we, we all speak English.

[00:03:09] We learn it in school. We speak it to each other. But then when you come out here, the slangs are different. Something as simple as, um, as, um, like, there you go. And I think, where am I going? Am I going somewhere? What is she talking about? So the things that people here take for granted become, um, a challenge.

[00:03:30] Because then you start wondering, what are they saying? What am I saying? Then there's other things too, as well, apart from the language, there's also, you know, like the, the, um, the food. When I first came out here, I couldn't eat. So, um, I would go, I would go to the market, buy, buy fish, come back, make the fish. And it doesn't taste like fish.

[00:03:56] So, um, I'm asking myself, what is this? What did I do wrong? And I try to make it several different ways, but it just doesn't taste like fish to me. Or I go out to the restaurant, I, I, I can't figure out what to order because everything looks very strange. The things that look similar, when it comes, it tastes different. So I actually lost a lot of weight when I first came here. I was, um, I think I went from 140 pounds, like 110, something like that.

[00:04:21] So just because I couldn't find what to eat. So those things become very, very big quickly. Wow. And usually it's the opposite because usually people come over here, they, they fit and then they gain weight all of a sudden because they want to try everything. And I see you as the opposite. That's interesting. I guess I've always been a picky eater, but it just became very, very big quickly when I came here.

[00:04:49] And obviously with time that went away, because now I eat almost anything. Of course, of course, of course. Once you get comfortable, you'll find yourself eating anything. Now, what do you say to the Americans who are maybe looking to move to Nigeria? Because I know a lot of black Americans have had these conversations about leaving America and going, living abroad. And some people, Nigeria has come up as a place to potentially go. Nigeria is a great place.

[00:05:17] For instance, if you, when my kids go to Nigeria, sometimes we spend time in the capital because there you see things similar to what you see here. You know, there's McDonald's, there's KFC, there are things like that over there. And in the capital, you can also use your GPS. It's very well developed. So I think if someone is considering making a change to Nigeria, if they stick to the capital areas, they'll probably fit right in.

[00:05:46] It's only if they go into the smaller communities that they would experience a lot of culture shocks or changes. Understood. Understood. And I do understand that it's definitely a process of immigration and stuff. And that I understand. But so if you black Americans are listening to this, y'all better do like she just said, just stick to the capital and make sure you have all your shit together. Because I know a lot of people, they'll try to leave and they don't have nothing together.

[00:06:13] They don't have their paperwork or their visas lined up. Yeah. You know, crazy, crazy world we live in. And so what was the inspiration behind your book of Live for Me and Nikam? And what can visitors gain by reading your book? So my book, Live for Me and Nikam, which is actually scheduled to be published on September 9th by Collier Books.

[00:06:39] The inspiration behind Live for Me and Nikam happened over a long time. I would say as I practice, as I go to church, as I meet people and I hear people, you know, tell their stories. You know how I said I see stories everywhere. I realized that many people were saying the same thing.

[00:06:57] People who have mental health challenges were either afraid to speak up or they were reluctant to speak up or they just felt that they'll be considered weak or maybe their families or communities will see them differently if they come up with these issues. And I realized that I practice here in America, but I still hear similar stories from what I did in Nigeria, too.

[00:07:22] It made me realize that the mental health story is not restricted to one community because I would have thought that in America here there wouldn't be people afraid of stigma. I wouldn't see people who are reluctant to speak up or people who just don't understand what it's all about. I thought, you know, there'll be more enlightenment. So when I realized I was hearing this same story across multiple ethnicities, I felt like this was a story I needed to tell.

[00:07:50] So I would come back and, you know, scribble a few lines here and there until I realized I had an entire manuscript. So I felt, I first of all gave it to my husband, who is my biggest supporter. And I was like, I wrote something. Can you take a look? And he was like, oh, this is great. We need to publish it right now. So I went back and said, okay, let's make this a coherent story. And that's how, because before it was more like a series of scribbles.

[00:08:19] So I made it into a coherent story. And that's how Live For Me came to be. That's wonderful. That's wonderful. And I feel you on the storytelling, which is why I've done so many episodes of the podcast, because I've had so many people come on and tell their stories. And now I'm having you come on and tell your story as well, you know. So I totally feel you on Everyday Life. It's like people are living out different stories. And as a content creator, as a podcast host,

[00:08:49] I've created that platform to where people can come tell their stories. And you are doing it as well. So I highly appreciate it. Thank you so much. I love the opportunity to come here and, you know, talk about my experience, what I've seen and what I've felt is very exciting to me. So, so, um, so let's shifting over to mental health. Why do you think it's still a stigma in 2026? And now we're going to look up, it'll be 2027.

[00:09:18] Why do you think it's still a stigma for people to not come out and tell the truth? I think a large part of it is that, um, as human beings, we're creatures of habit. And the things we learn very early on, they tend to stick with us. No matter what we experience, we still hear that, that tiny voice in our mind that said things that they said a long time ago. Um, obviously as, as, um, things are more open now than they used to be, but there's still a lot of that fear.

[00:09:46] You know, people think, um, for different reasons. Some people think, oh, I don't want to appear weak. I don't want to appear like I'm not trying. For instance, let's say there's, um, there's someone who reaches out to friends or family saying, I have this problem and family finds, helps them find a place and they, and they go and they just don't get better. So some of them feel like if I say I didn't get better, um, my family would think that all this help they gave me, all the assistance was in vain.

[00:10:15] So they pretend, you know, they pretend, oh, I feel better because I don't want them to think this. And, um, aside from that too, there's a, a kind of gloss over mental health these days where people say, oh, my mental health needs, um, I need to check on my mental health. I need to, I need to this, I need to that. People, it's like a slang. So the people who have the loudest voices are not those who are actually suffering, unfortunately.

[00:10:42] So the ones who are actually suffering are the ones who are, are, have been glossed over. So mental health is like, oh, I just need to take a break. Once I take a break, I'm fine. Some people don't get fine from taking a break. And those ones who do not are the ones who are reluctant to speak up because, because it feels like once they want to take a break, we should be fine. But they are not. So they don't really speak up.

[00:11:07] And as time goes on, the voices that are not as authentic become louder. And the ones who are drowning become more quiet. And I think that's a large part of the problem. Well, yeah, that's definitely a large part of the problem. And another thing with the problem is, can also people be acknowledging the problem, but not doing the work to improve the mental health? What are some things people should be doing to improve the mental health that you see that they're not doing?

[00:11:37] I think part of it, too, is trying to do one thing every day. For instance, let's say for people who it's difficult to get up and maybe take a shower, brush their teeth, eat breakfast, because it can be a chore for some people. If they look and say, oh, I can't do all these things, then they just stay there. But maybe if you could maybe get up and just brush your teeth.

[00:12:04] That might be a step and that might help you do the rest. But if you just stay there and say, oh, I can't do all those things, then maybe you won't be able to do all those things. And also, you know, keeping active also helps for a large part. You know, finding one thing to do that just takes your mind off things, maybe go on a hike, go on a walk or even have a routine. Those are things that I would say help because, you know, it's easy to say people don't put in the walk. But sometimes that walk by itself can be monumental.

[00:12:35] When people look at all the things they feel they have to do to get better, it just feels like such an uphill battle that they don't even want to try. But if you can just pick one thing out of every and just do it, that would be a step closer. Yes, I definitely agree because people don't realize it's a journey and not not a whole checklist. They'll see the whole checklist and try to knock everything off all at once instead of breaking everything down.

[00:13:01] Like you just said, it's like easier to go step by step by step instead of trying to do everything all at once. Because once you just do one thing at a time, you'll look up and then everything's done if you're being consistent with putting in the work as well. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Liquor Talk. The more you drink, the better we sound. Now, you did mention something about being physical.

[00:13:26] Now, as a physician, what have you learned about the connection between physical health and mental health that most people tend to overlook? Well, I think there's a very strong connection. For instance, like people who have things like insomnia, taking a walk helps with that. You take a walk, you come back, you're exhausted enough and you just fall asleep.

[00:13:49] Also, when you go out and you walk, you're out in the environment, the breeze, you know, you can feel the breeze, even the sun. You see other people taking walks too. You see dogs or children. And it just kind of keeps your brain focused on other things apart from your own existence and whatever is going on in your life.

[00:14:15] And I think in general, just the walking, getting your blood pumping through just helps overall, not just with mental health, but with everything in general. Like you feel more fit, you get more fit, you feel fit, you look good. If you have other medical problems, not just mental health, it gets better too. For instance, if you're obese or if you have a high BMI, it helps bring that down.

[00:14:42] If you are diabetic, it helps with blood sugar control. If you are hypertensive, it helps too as well. So it's not just the mental health, it helps overall, just helps you feel and look better. Of course, of course. And yeah, physical health and if you keep doing physical health, it will help you in the long run. Trust me, trust me, believe I do understand that as well. Now, how do culture and family experiences shape the way people look at mental health?

[00:15:10] I think it plays a large role because the family is the first unit and then comes the community and whatever culture someone grew up in. You know, when I was a kid, you know, growing up in Nigeria, we would see people who just wander the streets, dressed in rags, picking up rubbish from the trash. And, you know, and we had this word, you know, they are mad, mad people.

[00:15:37] And it just, it was just normal to me to think of these individuals that they are mad, you know. It wasn't until I became, I became a physician, medical student, and I learned about mental health problems. And I realized that some of these individuals, all they need was, all they would have needed was a mental health professional.

[00:16:01] They needed maybe medications or maybe therapy and they wouldn't be wandering around like that, you know, lost somewhere in their minds. So I think that's where, that's the part where culture plays a role. So if the culture wasn't so predominant that, oh, these are mad people and that's all there is to say about it, then maybe these people would have been, would have already gotten help that they need.

[00:16:26] So apart from that too, there's also the fact of, you know, when you grow up and someone has a mental health issue. In my culture, you know, back then, I'm sure it's different now, but back then, it was something that used to be whispered. Nobody talked about it in the open. You would hear that, oh, the brother of, the sister of this person's brother, of this person's dad has this problem and it's all whispered about. All hush hush. Nobody, nobody says it loud.

[00:16:54] If you ask questions, like, shh, you know. So you grow up feeling like this is something that you never, ever mention. You never say it. You never talk about it. So if, if you ever feel that, oh, I feel, I feel anxious or I feel depressed. The first thing you think about is, oh, I don't, I shouldn't talk about it because you know that people don't talk about it. So when people grow up in this kind of culture, they don't, they won't seek help because why would they, when you don't talk about stuff like this? You know?

[00:17:24] Of course, it's the same. We're coming up over here as well because people rarely talked about it. And people in our families, they love to pass down that trauma because nobody wanted to talk about it. Nobody wanted to get help. They just thought you, or some people were religious and they were like, oh, just pray about it. Well, people don't understand. It's like, it takes more than just prayers. You got to put it into work, not just pray about it. Yes, that's for sure.

[00:17:53] Or that's another big one too, because there's that belief that, oh, if you're more prayerful, then, you know, God would just take this away. Right? And it doesn't work that way. Yeah. And growing up, it doesn't work that way. It takes prayer and also putting in the work to make the improvements yourself and working on things that you can control. And I think not a lot of people understand that sometimes, and we are in control of our mental health, like you said, you know, getting out.

[00:18:21] And, you know, and also, I would also say just not entertaining the bullshit, you know, not entertaining negativity or people's toxic drama. That's true.

[00:18:30] And I think that's a part where culture kind of plays a role, because in my culture, even if you have some people who are negative around you, if they are considered to be your relatives, maybe older, you're expected to tolerate them, to welcome them, to be polite to them, even when they're just being negative, because that's the culture, you know? So that's one negative I would say about it.

[00:18:57] But on the flip side, too, the people who are negative, at least in my culture, I would say are disproportionate. That's the plus, because there's always more people willing to help you than people willing to try to tear you down. That's the plus I would say about my culture. Hmm. Hey, your culture sounds like America, to be honest, you know?

[00:19:23] Sounds like what Black Americans have gone through, going up over here, you know? And the one thing I like about the millennials now, my generation, it's like, we don't have, we say, no, we're not going to tolerate those, you know, negative family members. Like, we love them. We love them from afar. We'll go see them, but we're not going to tolerate them. And if they can't take themselves accountable, then we're going to move on.

[00:19:50] I think I'm kind of caught in between the two generations. Like, you know, I can understand why I need these people out of my life. But I also feel like I need to be more the way my culture expects me to be. So I feel like I'm always having one foot in both sides. Yeah, and I feel that. I feel the same way, too. You want to have them there to listen to them and be there for them.

[00:20:16] But then when they start trying to attack you because you got your mentals together and they try to humble you because it's like they say misery loves company. So they want to attack you on whatever your insecurities are, you know, that's where I'm just like, okay, I don't have to deal with this. I'm an adult now. I don't have to deal with this. Because I do feel bad for the kids, though, because some of them, they still got to deal with that.

[00:20:46] Yeah, true. But I noticed this, too, as the kids are getting older, they're, you know, speaking up more for themselves. So I like that. Yeah, I definitely like that as well. And kids, definitely, babies, if y'all listen, y'all definitely need to speak up for yourselves. That's something I can definitely respect because you got to question everything because it's like society has so many norms that you just have to question it, even if it don't make any sense. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:21:14] You know, I think that was a big thing when I was growing up. You do things because you've been told to because this is what you should do. And then when you ask why, it's frowned upon. You shouldn't be asking why. You should do what you're told. So eventually you learn that you have to stick to the why. And that's how you get where you want to be as a person. Of course. Of course. Ladies and gentlemen, once again, this is Liquor Talk. I hope you guys have a nice strong drink poured up while you're listening to this.

[00:21:43] What is your favorite thing to drink? Like, do you like wine or do you like a different kind of liquor that they have in Nigeria that we don't get in America? Or what's your favorite alcoholic beverage that you like to have when you wind down or just chilling with your husband or when you're out with your girls? So it kind of depends on the place. Now, if I'm in Nigeria, the best thing you can drink is palm wine.

[00:22:11] So it's, you know, sauce right from the from the sauce. So from the tree. So the palm wine tapas, they get it from the tree and it comes fresh. And the fresh one is good for, I think, maybe 48 hours. I could be off. But within 48 hours, if you have it chilled, it's the best thing you could ever drink anywhere. So, so whenever I go back to Nigeria, I never miss palm wine.

[00:22:37] But when I'm out here, I tend to be more of a cocktail kind of person. So, so things like the piña colada or even like margaritas, those kind of stuff. That's nice. That's nice. Hey, you made that drink sound good. Might have to get over to Nigeria and go, go try it, you know. And, you know, cocktails are definitely good because, you know, a major sport is coming up. Football season is coming up.

[00:23:03] So, hey, we definitely have a nice cocktail when you're out having a drink and stuff. So, so ladies and gentlemen, if y'all, y'all sipping, have you a nice cocktail if you haven't done so already. So going back to mental health and people, why do so many people appear successful on the outside, but struggle while sadly struggling on the inside? Because I feel like this is a lot of people nowadays. I think it's, I don't think it's new.

[00:23:31] I think it's always been there. Just that the world now has more pressure. And, you know, social media puts a spotlight on people. I think that's the main thing. Because before in the past, we didn't have that much social media. So the pressure wasn't there as much. But now with social media, you know, everybody sees everybody's business. Things are out there. So there's definitely more pressure.

[00:23:56] So if you have someone who is struggling and they look around and they see that, you know, their classmates, their co-workers, their colleagues, they have all these pictures, they're doing all these things. Then you feel more of that pressure to present yourself in a way that you think you should. So I think that's one of the biggest things. And then, of course, sometimes people who do best are the ones who actually put the most pressure on themselves.

[00:24:26] So sometimes the high-profile jobs they have, you know, apart from the pressure of the job, there's sort of pressure they've applied to themselves. And, you know, that just sits there with them. And you do have some professions where people feel more reluctant to ask for help because they feel like if my patients or if my clients, if they knew that I had this problem, they wouldn't come to me anymore.

[00:24:53] So they put the lead on all of that and try to appear like nothing is wrong, like everything is fine. And it's all business as usual. And to a degree, I understand that. But I would also say to those people, I would hope that they have a safe space so that they have someone they can just unload to if things are not going well.

[00:25:19] So what do you say to those people who sometimes they feel like they don't need to vent to anybody because they feel like people don't care, you know? Because as a man, we get that a lot because it's like the world just beats on us and beats on us. And when we do vent, sometimes it's, oh, we're weak. But a lot of men don't understand that it takes a strong man to acknowledge when you ain't right. Yes, you're exactly right.

[00:25:47] And I think we see that a lot too in men. It's more likely to have a woman or a woman say, oh, I need help in this area. But men don't usually do that. Sometimes you actually have girlfriends or wives or mothers asking on behalf of the guy, saying, oh, my husband is struggling or my son is struggling or my brother is struggling. But he won't ask, are you able to start that conversation yourself?

[00:26:17] I've gotten that a lot too. So what I say is to anybody out there who is struggling, male, female, whatever gender that you identify as, don't be afraid to ask for help. Help is out there. And I don't believe that therapy is restricted to any group of people or gender. It's for everybody. So please do not be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Always, you always got to ask for help no matter what, because you never know.

[00:26:44] Because you may ask them for help might inspire someone else to go get the help they need as well. So going to families, how can families, friends and communities show better support to people who are experiencing depression or emotional pain? Because I see it all the time on social media. People talking about they're feeling depressed about life. And some are even extreme as in thinking about taking themselves out.

[00:27:11] And I'm just like, you can't make that permanent decision for temporary problems. I think part of it is that, you know, when you're on the outside looking in, you only see half of the picture. It's kind of like that thing about the iceberg where, you know, just the tip is up there and the rest of it is all under the water.

[00:27:34] So sometimes what we see in our husbands, you know, wives, children, whoever they may be, sometimes that's only half of the picture. Sometimes everything else is kind of suppressed. So if we say, oh, don't, oh, it's not so bad. Or, oh, just try. Or, you know, don't, this is a temporary problem. Sometimes they don't see it that way. Sometimes to them it's like their whole existence just feels gray and misty. So it's, they don't, you know, see it that way.

[00:28:04] So I think as a community, as a family, our role is to listen and be patient because sometimes, you know, the story doesn't, you know, tumble free in one, in one, in one speech. So we need to create that atmosphere, that environment where our loved one feels safe to speak to us. If they feel like, oh, if I, if I talk, this person will shut me down, then they'll never speak to us. You know, or if they feel like, okay, if I start speaking, this person will be impatient or they'll make fun of me or they just won't care.

[00:28:34] Then that story will never come true. And that's why we hear all these stories about, about, oh, this person seems fine. They were okay. I spoke to them and I just heard that this happened to them and everybody's in shock. But maybe if we had that environment, if we created that safe space for them, then maybe they would have come to us with their questions or their concerns or even asked us for help. And, you know, they would have been fine if, if they had done that.

[00:28:58] So I think that's the role of a family community to make themselves available, to be able to listen, to be that show that where someone could cry on so that they can feel free and safe to come to us when they do need us. Agreed. And I feel like a lot of families, they don't do that.

[00:29:15] Well, and I like to say that the millennial generation, I'm seeing a change in that, you know, because now that the elders are kind of out the picture in our generation as the ones running things now. And I kind of, I'm kind of glad that we see those things, but because, you know, and the elders, the elders of the family back in the days, they really didn't like nobody talking. Like we said earlier, they didn't like nobody talking about whatever issues they had.

[00:29:45] But it's like sometimes people don't realize that those issues that you don't address, it's like a silent killer, you know, and then by the time you address it, it might be too late. Very true. It's true. Yeah, we see this all the time. Yeah, and I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure people in your line where you guys see it all the time.

[00:30:09] And, and so why do people, some people wait till it's too late to do something instead of coming when it's a small problem before it blows up to something bigger? I think for the most part, when it's a small problem, that's when people think, oh, I can, you know, I can, I can handle this. Oh, it's fine. I can deal with it later. Oh, okay. I can do it next week. And some people say, oh, you know, my job is so busy. We see this a lot. Oh, my job is so busy.

[00:30:38] So I, I just couldn't make out the time to come. Things were busy or I had to do this. I had to take my mom here, my dad here, my kids here, my, you know, it's just all life is just, life is happening. And then, um, this just, just keeps getting postponed until it cannot. I think that's just what happens. And sometimes it's, um, it's an intentional postponement. Sometimes it's denial.

[00:31:03] You know, when you don't want to face something, you find something else that seems more important at that moment. And you face that. Yeah. I think that's why people find themselves working overtime a lot. And I'm like, people got to realize that job is going to be there regardless if you dead or alive. So you need to prioritize your mental health and also prioritize whatever it is you want to do in life. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:31:33] We, we, we, we do that. We, we, we see that too a lot as well, where, um, you have people who just are supposed to do something and they, you know, they just don't. So they're like, Oh, I cannot see my primary care provider because, you know, I have two jobs and I'm so busy. But if something happens to them, the job will get done. Somebody else would get hired, you know, but then something has happened to them.

[00:31:56] So we always advise to take time out and take care of yourself, your whole self, you know, with your mind and your body. That's right. With your whole mind, with your whole mind and body. So what is the role of empathy in medicine and storytelling everyday life? Because I feel like empathy is something that not a lot of people have and they will allow, and they might allow life to determine whether or not you have empathy for people.

[00:32:23] So definitely plays a huge role because if you're not empathetic to someone, you cannot, you cannot picture yourself in their shoes. You cannot, you know, even imagine what they're going through. And if you cannot do any of that, then you really can't help them because, you know, whatever they describe to you will sound, would not sound, may not sound important enough, but you just won't understand it. And if you don't understand it, then there's no way to move forward.

[00:32:49] And that's why I think it plays a huge role in, in, in, both in storytelling and in, in being a physician as well, because in storytelling, if you cannot put yourself in people's shoes, because these stories are not about, are not about me. I'm telling stories of other people, um, fictional people, characters. And if I can't picture their lives, I can't tell that story. Um, same thing for caring for patients in the hospital.

[00:33:15] If I cannot picture what they're going through, it's hard to give them the care that they deserve, you know? That's real. That's so real. You, you know, you gotta have empathy in, in order to tell stories and also in order to help people as well, because, because without empathy, you can't really help nobody. You know, you can't sympathize with somebody in because people can sure tell people what to do, but people sometimes will tell them what to do, but not in an empathetic tone.

[00:33:42] And they will, they won't accept the help if you're not being empathetic. Yeah, for sure. That's for sure. Now, going back to, um, being a physician stuff, what is something you wish you would have known about your own mental health and before you got started with being a physician and even being a writer?

[00:34:03] Well, with, um, with being a physician, I wish I had known that, um, no matter what, what specialty I choose, I will spend a lot of time hearing, you know, about people's own problems. I, I kind of thought, you know, you just, you come in, you see a patient, you, you take a history, ask them what's, what's wrong physically.

[00:34:29] And then you make a diagnosis, get a treatment plan and, um, get a treatment. I thought that was it. But then I realized that, oh, along the line, somewhere there, you hear about their day. You hear about their dog that's sick and what the dog is going through. You hear about their kids, you know, you hear about their grandchildren who graduated with honors and they're very proud of their grandkids.

[00:34:52] You hear about, um, um, maybe a child that lost a long time ago, a family member that was, that is, that is gone. You hear all these things. And I, I actually didn't realize how heavy some of those stories could be. You know, I wasn't fully prepared for that. But over time, I think I'm, I'm more equipped now. But initially at the beginning, I felt a bit overwhelmed.

[00:35:19] So, as time went on, I feel, I feel like I, I wish I had known that before I started, that I would be faced with all of this. Then as far as being a storyteller too, I think sometimes I get stuck in my character's story. Like when I wrote, um, in chem, uh, live for me in chem. At, at, at the, at the, at some moment I was actually in chem. I felt like I was her, you know, when I, when I write, when I write, cause my, my, my book is written from multiple points of views.

[00:35:47] So I was all of these characters at some point. I was in chem. I was her husband, Chema. I was her daughter, Tochi. And as I read from all those characters at the point, I felt like all this, I felt all these emotions going through me that my characters were feeling. And, and I, I told myself, okay, okay. I have to limit how many hours I write or how many minutes I write a day. Obviously I'm really limited by my job because my job gets quite busy and I barely have the time to write.

[00:36:17] But when I do have the time, I have to, I tell myself to put the cap. Cause it's very easy to have a day off and say, okay, I have this day off. I write from morning till night. This is my day off. But no, just put the cap on it and don't get sucked into those stories and those characters. Yeah. And honestly, it sounds like you were very passionate about it. If you were willing to write from morning to night, just be locked in on writing. But sometimes somewhere in there, you got to rest. Cause after all, it is your off day.

[00:36:45] So somewhere in there, you got to get some rest then, right? Obviously that is, even if I wanted to do it, I can't because there's a challenges of family life too. But I find that, you know, there are days when maybe, maybe the kids are in school and I'm home. And they don't come back yet. And I feel like, oh, I have all this time. I'll use that time to write. But maybe writing is not the best thing at that moment.

[00:37:10] Maybe the best thing is just maybe sitting down outside, getting some fresh air, you know? So even while being a physician and while being a writer too, also have to take care of yourself as well. So that you can tell this story. Of course. Yeah, definitely for all that. So what advice would you give to people who are in school right now who want to be physicians right now? What advice would you give them or people who are aspiring to get into the healthcare field?

[00:37:40] I would say before making a decision, obviously, explore all the professions out there and go into it for the right reasons. Don't go into it because you know this person who is a physician or maybe one of your parents is a physician and you think, oh, I should do it. You know, explore the profession and understand what it's about and what you really would want to do.

[00:38:09] And then if it aligns with what you want to do with your life, then obviously proceed. But know about it first and don't just jump in blindly. That's what I would say. And then I would also say that the good thing about being a physician or being in healthcare is that it's very broad and very diverse. There's all kinds of personality in there, all kinds of fields. So there's something for everyone. But just make sure that that's what you really see yourself doing before you go in there.

[00:38:38] And then, yeah, for someone who wants to be a writer, I would say many writers have other jobs too as well. It's rare to have someone who is just a writer. Some people write and they're also lawyers. You know, they are professors at the university. They're guest speakers. You know, all kinds of professions. So obviously, if you do want to write, just keep at it. It's you can you don't have to be just that.

[00:39:07] Identity is very fluid and flexible. Yes, those are all great points. And you got to be fluid and flexible as well. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Liquor Talk. The more you drink, the better we sound. Episode 400 is coming soon, y'all. Get your tickets on sale. They're going on sale real soon. Join us in Tampa, Florida for episode 400. Tickets are going on sale soon. And also, I am going to be announcing who's going to be the panelists real soon.

[00:39:35] And so if you are interested in helping out with episode 400, come holler at your boy. So going back to your book that you got releasing this month, what inspired you to write Live for Me, Nikam? And why was it why was this story important for you to tell at this time? So Live for Me and Ken, it was a very important story for me to tell because of all the things we've discussed about mental health so far.

[00:40:04] And also still hearing that there were people who were still struggling or people who didn't even know how to ask for help or who were either ashamed or embarrassed to reach out. And hearing that this story was across multiple ethnicities. And I started wondering, you know, what if? And I was like, what if there's a woman, you know, African-American or Nigerian-American? And I realized that, okay, it's probably better to tell Nigerian-American because that's something I can relate to more personally.

[00:40:33] So and that what if kept growing over a long time. And then I started putting my thoughts down on paper. And before I knew it, I had this story that I thought was a very compelling story that I needed to share. I needed to have it out there. And so I did. Wow. Wow. That's that's wonderful. And I'm happy to hear you told the story. Happy to even hear that you're dropping the book. So how do you feel like medicine and storytelling, they intersect with each other?

[00:41:03] I think the intersection is very, it's very, it's very fluid, actually, because in Cam's story now, as I always say, Cam is not in the physical sense of things. She's not a real person. She has no there's no actual address where you're walking and seeing Cam. But she does exist. She's she's everywhere. She's your she's the nurse you see at the hospital. She's the social worker. She's the she's the physician. She's your neighbor.

[00:41:32] She's the person you see at church. Basically, she's so relatable to the point where where I've had people ask me, oh, is this story about my friend? And I say no. So I feel like as far as medicine goes, if you tell if you try to tell somebody an actual story of a real person who is going through this, you don't have an audience as much as if you say this is a fictional character going through this. People are more willing to engage with fiction.

[00:42:00] And when they do that, they find things that are real than they are to engage with reality. So so that's where I think the intersection between medicine and storytelling comes. Sometimes you can tell a story that's very real, true fiction. Of course. And which leads into my next question, which is, can fiction change the way people think about depression and mental health effectively than more than stats do all alone?

[00:42:29] Why or why not? I believe so, because many people don't don't really go read statistics, you know, and many people may not necessarily listen to. You know, like a documentary or they won't read a medical journal or they may not even listen to their primary care provider. If they tell them, oh, this is this goes this way. They're like, OK, huh. But when you have a story that is engaging, people are more willing to engage with it and they may even learn something from it.

[00:42:59] I've had many people tell me different things. Like I've had someone reach out to me saying, oh, you know, that, you know, that she she's a nurse and she she one of my early readers and she read my book and she learned a lot about depression. She just used to think that if you have depression, you is something that when it happens or you have to do as rest, take some time and then it goes away. Or if it gets very bad, you get medication.

[00:43:27] She had no idea people would be reluctant to seek help. And that's something she learned. And there are people who also said, oh, they just thought that they had no idea that kids could go to therapy. So that's something that she learned as well, too. So I feel like like fiction teaches people a lot of things about depression or that mental health problems as well, too. Or the big misconception that people have a lot about PTSD.

[00:43:54] So PTSD is one of those kind of topics where people think, oh, only certain people get it or they call everything PTSD. PTSD, too. So, you know, yeah, I've noticed a lot of people. They make you making these misdiagnosis of stuff when it's just simple. It's just something simply you just don't want to issues, whether you want to judge. You just quickly throw a label on it instead of addressing the issue because people want to say, oh, it's just PTSD.

[00:44:24] Just this, just that instead of investigating and figuring out what it really is. And then when it really is PTSD, then people don't want to figure it out, you know, or help somebody. Yes, that's that's true for sure. We've we've I've come across that, too. And that's why I felt like this was this is a story that needed to be told, because I feel like if one person or even two people,

[00:44:52] if they take something away from the forming camp, I think that's sufficient. I think that's great. Yes. Now, thinking big here, could you see this being told, played out in a movie, something like a movie director or somebody who's like a small town film director, like reading this could tell the story and want to put it on the big screen? Have you thought about that? Have you thought about whatever? Well, if somebody read this story and want to put it on a big screen, what would you do?

[00:45:20] Oh, I'll be as I'll be excited. I'll be ecstatic. You know, the funny thing is when I was writing Lee for Minkham, sometimes I would play back to myself on audio just to know how it flows, see how the dialogue is, see what needs to be changed. And sometimes when I play that way, some some actors voice come to my head and it's like the other ones reading it to me.

[00:45:45] So, so of the popular actors and I, and I, I, I sometimes think, oh, what if that's, what if my, my story becomes a movie or a drama or something? And then these characters, these actors actually play, I actually play in the role. It was so bad that I, I, I feel like I cast it in my head. Like I knew who Minkham was, like one of the actors, actresses I know. And one of the actors was her husband.

[00:46:11] And there's this Nigerian actress I really, really admire. She was one of the aunties in, in, in, in, in Lee for Minkham. Um, so it was, it was, it would play out in my head. Hey, I mean, you know, with chat GPT and all these AI bots and stuff, they could easily convert your, convert your story into a screenplay. And hey, you never know, you could pitch it to one of these up and up and coming filmmakers,

[00:46:37] because I know a few filmmakers myself will always look for something to produce. I'm like, that would be a good story to put on the big screen, you know? Um, I think that's a, that's a great idea. Yeah. If that happens, I'll be, like I said, I'll be ecstatic. Yes. Um, I'm like, why not, you know? Now staying with writers, what advice do you give to aspiring writers who want to create stories to make a meaningful impact?

[00:47:04] Um, I think, um, what I would say is, um, one of the first thing is persistence. You know, like writing is not something that you do, you do in a day. I'm sure some people could write in a day, but it wouldn't be, it may not be a great story. So I would say, um, persistence and, um, and being able to, to take constructive feedback. Because when you're creating your story, it's the story is in your head.

[00:47:32] You know, all the characters, you know, their motivations, you know, you know, their goals and their challenges. And when you put it down on paper, you can't put all of that on paper. So you need to put enough for your reader to be able to understand your characters. But sometimes you don't put enough down or you put too much. And you need, sometimes you need feedback to know which, which needs to stay or which needs to go. I would say just being open to it in general. And knowing that not all feedback there reflects the quality of your writing because everybody is different.

[00:48:01] We all like different things. Sometimes, uh, someone likes, someone likes, um, um, how do I put it? Like some people like, um, it's like pizza, you know, some people like, uh, pepperoni, some, some one pineapple on it, some hate pineapple on it. So, so if you have one person tell you, okay, no, this doesn't work. That doesn't mean that it doesn't work. It just means that it wasn't for them. So, yeah.

[00:48:26] So just, um, being able to, one, be persistent, to, um, take constructive feedback, being able to improve upon your work based on feedback that you got. And just, you know, being persistent. I think that's the biggest thing. Yes. You gotta be persistent and consistent. And also, like you said, not all feedback is good feedback.

[00:48:49] So I would say you have to take feedback with a grain of salt because there are people out there who, they may just shit on what you're doing just because they're having a bad day or they're just too lazy to get started, you know? But if you're not from a writer or somebody who doesn't publish a few books or someone that's in your lane that's doing what you want to do, I'll take the feedback from them. But because they might be trying.

[00:49:14] What I found is people that are in your lane or who are aspiring on the same journey, they're more willing to give you the feedback and good advice compared to somebody who's just not even doing anything with their lives. True. That's true. For sure. Yeah. So what is something you hope that readers will take away from reading the story behind, just beyond simply enjoying the story? Or what's some things you hope that they take away from reading your book?

[00:49:44] Well, I wish to take away a better understanding of mental health. You know, the scope of the journey and the fear, the stigma, everything involved with it. I also wish that they also find a story of hope at the end. I know that not all stories in real life end with hope. Right. I just wanted my life forming camp to be, to have a message of hope attached to it.

[00:50:11] I also wanted to show a little bit of Nigerian culture or Igbo culture to be more specific from my book. And also I put, I sprinkled some music through it as well. Some of my favorite music. So I just wanted to be an interesting reading experience for, you know, many people out there.

[00:50:34] As well as also letting people know that being a physician obviously can be, is a very time consuming job. So if I was able to find time to finish a manuscript and publish it, then people can do other things too. So, so the story out there is not just about me forming camp. It's also about me. That's real. That's real.

[00:50:58] So now, now that this book is published, are you working on a sequel to this story or are you working on something totally different? So I'm working on something different. I did consider a sequel to Live For Me In Camp, but I don't think I'll be pursuing that at the moment. I feel like that story should stand by itself. Maybe that might change in the future, but not at this moment. But I'm writing something else. It's called, it's a girl called Asa.

[00:51:27] So essentially it explores the themes of beauty as commodity, friendships, motherhood. And, you know, like the, the, the difference between how, how some cultures see male and female children and expectations placed on children by their families, especially when there's poverty, you know? So that's what, what it seems my, my next manuscript explores. It's actually completed already.

[00:51:54] I'm kind of, I'm seeking out agents and trying to get publishers involved. So when do you hope to drop that book? Are you hoping to drop it later this year or is it coming in 2027? I think it will be more of a 2027 since we're already almost done with, with, with 2026. We're like half, more than half we've done. So that'll be more of a 2027 project. Okay. Okay. So are we looking at like winter 2027 or around the same time?

[00:52:20] I would think maybe more like winter, but we'll see. Yes, we'll definitely see indeed. Indeed. So why should people pick up this book and read your story? So I, I believe the themes are something that a lot of people can relate with. Even though, like I said before, even though Ken is a Nigerian American, I think her story is universal. That applies to all ethnicities.

[00:52:46] And I believe that it not only offers an enjoyable experience, it's also an emotional journey. And I, I want people to come along with me and then Ken on this journey. Yes, that's right. The journey is a wonderful journey. I definitely think people should definitely consider checking it out. Now, where can the people get the book at? Live for me and Ken is available on Amazon. It's also advanced and novel. It's at books.com. It's going to be at, you know, major book retailers as well.

[00:53:16] So, so now how can people get in touch with you? I, um, I'm, uh, I'm at, um, Instagram with my name. So Nekka Aloha. I'm also, I also have a website is, um, www.Nekkaaloha.com. I'm also on Facebook as well as myself. Nekka.aloha. So any of those avenues can get to me. That's true. That's true.

[00:53:43] Um, Dr. Nekka Aloha, I want to thank you for blessing the liquor talk with your presence. Thank you for having a drink with me. Thank you for sharing your book and thank you for, um, giving me the wisdom, giving the insights. Thank you for the conversation. Um, anytime you visit Florida, let me know because I love to collaborate in person. And if I ever come to California, I'll definitely be hitting you up. And if you ever need me for anything else, I might be, I'm in Florida, but I'm always at the MOA. That sounds like a great idea.

[00:54:13] Let's, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's make it happen. Thank you again for being on the liquor talk and thank you to the listeners for enjoying this episode of the liquor talk podcast. What did you think of the episode and what drinks would you want us to try? Tell us what you think. Give us some feedback, whether it's on TikTok, Instagram, wherever. You can also visit the website at www.liquortalkpodcast.com.

[00:54:40] Uh, but we've taken over for the 26th, 26th and the 27th. Keep pouring them drinks until the next episode. Peace y'all. Peace.